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00:23Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
00:25I'm Roy Wood Jr.
00:26In the news this week, Trump's tariffs meet the Supreme Court, Kid Rock entertains RFK Jr.
00:43Questions remain over Pam Bondi's handling of the Epstein files.
00:50On Emberstein Tonight, he's a comedian and writer who's worked on The Daily Show, The
00:54Office, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Blackish, Sister, Sister, Insecure.
00:57Tonight, we see if he can get me Jack A's phone number.
01:01It's Larry Wilmore.
01:07And joining Michael, he's a comedian, actor, and writer whose new book, Chore Play, The
01:13Marriage Saving Magic of Getting Your Head Out of Your Ass, is available anywhere that
01:18has heads or asses.
01:20It's Jordan Carlos.
01:23What's your name?
01:25Michael, Jordan, welcome to a very special All Black, Black History Month panel.
01:30Yes.
01:30Episode of the show.
01:32No.
01:33Wow.
01:34Yeah.
01:35Your last name's Black.
01:37Oh, I get to play.
01:38All Black.
01:38Time for the biggest stories of the week.
01:40Let's play The Feud.
01:41Amber, Larry.
01:42Yeah.
01:42Watch the clip.
01:43Tell me, what is the story?
01:45The story is about Trump.
01:48He has bins coming into town.
01:50Tariffs.
01:51Tariffs.
01:51Yeah.
01:51And everyone was like, no, you don't.
01:53Bad.
01:54Bad.
01:55Yes, the story is the Supreme Court struck down Trump's sweeping tariffs, upending a
01:59central plank of his economic agenda.
02:02He was hosting a breakfast with governors when he got the news.
02:06Apparently, the breakfast had been going well, they were working together, and then President
02:11Trump became enraged.
02:12He started ranting about the decision, not only calling it a disgrace, but started attacking
02:17the courts, at one point saying, these effing courts, but using the actual language there.
02:23We know that President Trump does use expletives on quite often.
02:27Trump elected himself, and, um, our effing president addressed the news from the White
02:33House Aquarium this afternoon.
02:37Is he on American Idol?
02:40In reference to having the tariffs getting slapped down by SCOTUS, what do you think?
02:46Give me a word that the president used.
02:48Un-American.
02:49He was ashamed of them.
02:51I'm ashamed of certain members of the court.
02:54Absolutely ashamed for not having the courage to do what's right for our country.
02:59They're very unpatriotic and disloyal to our Constitution.
03:03It's my opinion that the court has been swayed by foreign interests and a political movement
03:09that is far smaller than people would ever think.
03:12It's a small movement.
03:16Small.
03:17I'm afraid of that word movement.
03:20What part of the decision was President Trump most angry about?
03:25They didn't mention Melania, the movie.
03:29Probably that he has to go through Congress.
03:31He was so offended that he would have to do that.
03:33Uh, President Trump was mad that the decision limits a lot of his powers.
03:38Here's how he described it.
03:39To show you how ridiculous the opinion is, however, the court said that I'm not allowed
03:44to charge even one dollar.
03:46I can't charge one dollar.
03:49Can't charge a dollar.
03:51I would have used one penny, but we don't make the pennies anymore.
03:54We save money.
03:55I can do anything I want, but I can't charge one dollar.
03:58You ever seen them furniture commercials in the 80s where the dude would be like,
04:02I don't, they say I can't do it, but come on down.
04:05And I'm gonna charge you my dollar.
04:08Get a couch for my dollar.
04:09I'm crazy doll and I got that couch for my dollar.
04:14Also in front of the American Idol Aquarium, a president made a big announcement during
04:19this briefing.
04:20What was the big announcement he made?
04:22He didn't poop his pants this time.
04:26Sorry, it's a rumor.
04:28Allegedly.
04:29In the briefing, Trump announced defiantly, we're going to do more tariffs than ever before.
04:36Today, I will sign an order to impose a 10% global tariff under Section 122.
04:42Over and above our normal tariffs.
04:45Why do you think he feels so sad and betrayed by the Supreme Court?
04:48Betrays he thought he owned the Supreme Court.
04:51And to be honest, I thought he owned the Supreme Court.
04:55Turns out he doesn't totally own the Supreme Court.
04:59And that's good news.
05:00Yeah.
05:00Do you feel like this is the one that they give you?
05:02Like the Supreme Court just gives the American people to throw you off the scent?
05:04Yep.
05:04Oh, no.
05:05We always care.
05:07Give them tariffs.
05:08Give them women voting.
05:13I think part of why Trump felt so betrayed is because, according to him, he had tried
05:18to be so nice to the court.
05:20I wanted to be very well-behaved because I wanted to do anything.
05:25I didn't want to do anything that would affect the decision of the court.
05:28Because I understand the court.
05:31I understand how they are very easily swayed.
05:35I want to be a good boy.
05:38Oh, my God.
05:39Is he living the end of Pinocchio?
05:42He's just like, I've been a good boy and now I'll be a real boy.
05:46I'm like, why is he doing that?
05:48Yeah.
05:49Let's just say that the Supreme Court has decided you cannot collect tariffs.
05:54Mm-hmm.
05:55But up until that decision, you have been collecting tariffs.
05:59Does he have to give the money back?
06:01What?
06:02Oh!
06:03He's not gonna like this.
06:05Question.
06:05Which retail giant is part of a lawsuit to recoup their lost tariff money?
06:13JCPenney.
06:13JCPenney.
06:16I said giant.
06:20Hey, they had they run.
06:21I'm not shitting on JCPenney.
06:24Who are we talking about today?
06:25It feels like you're doing that.
06:27Montgomery Ward.
06:28They closed the war.
06:30It's probably Costco because everybody goes to Costco.
06:32Points.
06:33It's Costco.
06:35A bunch of companies have already drawn a lawsuit to get their money back,
06:38including Costco, Revlon, Bumblebee Tuna, and Kawasaki.
06:44Oh.
06:44I ain't no Bumblebee Tuna had that gangsta in them.
06:47I know.
06:48I love Kawasaki sneaking in there.
06:50Uh, we're made in America.
06:54The irony of it is that Costco is the one place where you can get tuna and a Kawasaki.
06:58That's true.
06:59That's true.
07:00That's probably why it happened.
07:01When you really think about the tariff situation,
07:03and if these companies are gonna sue the American government to be reimbursed for the tariffs,
07:06that was passed on to us in the form of increased shipping costs, increased tax costs.
07:12Why can't I get my refund on the stuff that I ordered?
07:15I think we got $200 billion of tariff money.
07:21My suggestion, reparations.
07:24Happy Black History Month, everybody.
07:37Oh, that shit ain't gonna happen.
07:40In the form of a Costco cart.
07:45But yes, according to President Trump, the American people loved the tariffs.
07:50I made a speech at a factory.
07:52They made steel products.
07:53And I said, uh, how are you?
07:55Nice to meet you.
07:56How's business?
07:58President, I'd love to kiss you.
08:00This is a very powerful man.
08:02I don't want to be kissed by that man.
08:04He said, sir, I want to kiss you so badly.
08:06He said, sir, I want to kiss you.
08:08I said, why?
08:09He said, because we were down to working one hour a week,
08:12and then you came in and imposed tariffs.
08:15Trump always sounds like they just gave him the anesthesia, and he's like...
08:23He's trying so hard to stay awake, and he's like...
08:26And then the guy said, may I kiss you?
08:28I don't want to kiss you.
08:29I don't know.
08:30So Trump does understand the concept of consent.
08:33That wasn't always clear, but it seems like...
08:40Did that really happen?
08:45Do you think the president was actually accosted...
08:49Sensually by a steel worker?
08:51That someone would come up to him and go, I really want to kiss you.
08:54And then he would go, why?
08:57Like, what?
08:59Do you want to find out why?
09:01Or do you want to get the fuck out of there?
09:03And what does that have to do with the story?
09:06I thought it was about tariffs.
09:08And he's like, and there was in this hot Georgia warehouse.
09:13This totally buff man came up to me.
09:15He had a six pack.
09:16It was almost an eight pack, I noticed.
09:19He was holding baby on.
09:22Oh, that's where it goes too far?
09:28Shirtless steel worker, good.
09:30Michael and Jordan, watch the clip.
09:32Tell me, what is the story?
09:35Oh, there's Stephen Colbert.
09:36And that's not Stephen Colbert.
09:38That's...
09:39Oh, I know who that is.
09:40Censorship, censorship.
09:41I know who that is.
09:41This has something to do with Colbert and the interview with, what's his face, James Tallarico.
09:49Yes.
09:49And then the CBS WB, Paramount thing.
09:53It's all of that.
09:53The story is the drama at CBS.
09:56A lot of government censorship.
09:57There's corporate acquisitions on the horizon.
09:59And a high stakes election that all came together this week.
10:03But let's start with the host of The Late Show, Stephen Colbert.
10:06You know who is not one of my guests tonight?
10:09That's Texas State Representative James Tallarico.
10:13He was supposed to be here, but we were told in no uncertain terms by our network's lawyers,
10:19who called us directly, that we could not have him on the broadcast.
10:24Then, then I was told in some uncertain terms that not only could I not have him on,
10:29I could not mention me not having him on.
10:32I believe everything Stephen said.
10:34I love that his show's getting blacker every week.
10:37Because the level of not giving a fuck just keeps increasing.
10:41It just, and I love to see it.
10:43By like, the week before Colbert ends, he's just gonna be on air, bitch please.
10:47Exactly.
10:49Exactly.
10:50What reason did Stephen say CBS gave him for censoring the Tallarico interview?
10:56You have to have people from the Democratic Party and the Republican Party on equally.
11:01Yes.
11:01Yes.
11:02Equal time, absolutely.
11:03But, in this case, it was only Democrats.
11:05There were no Republicans, so the equal time only applies to just other candidates, not other parties.
11:10They would have had to have on his opponent, Jasmine Crockett, and then she came out a few days later
11:15and she said,
11:15that's bullshit, I've been on Colbert twice already.
11:19Yeah.
11:19So that's clearly not the reason.
11:20But what's weird about CBS adhering to this equal time rule is that this has not been applied to late
11:26night talk shows in decades.
11:28Mm-mm.
11:29But this January, the FCC under Brendan Carr, 47 years old, if you were guessing.
11:33Is that his real age?
11:35Yeah.
11:35Okay.
11:35I'm 47.
11:37I'm 47.
11:38We're the same age as this guy?
11:39Yes, and he looks younger than both of you.
11:42I'm 48.
11:43Oh, my God!
11:44Do we look great or is he almost dead?
11:47You know what...
11:49You know what they say about us.
11:51Black don't cry.
11:52That's right.
11:54What are you...
11:54You know what they say?
11:56Hey, that's how Steven Gobert gonna be talking in a...
12:01Most people had never even heard of James Tallarico.
12:04No offense, James Tallarico, but he got more out of this because they didn't air it.
12:08There were more people viewing it on, um, on that.
12:11So it wasn't about this.
12:12It's just about trying to kowtow ahead of time.
12:15They're paying it forward to the Trump administration.
12:17I blame CBS for this.
12:19CBS denied that they made any demands, and Colbert called that crap.
12:24Brendan Carr caught wind of everything that was going on between Colbert and CBS, and he said...
12:29I think yesterday was a perfect encapsulation of why the American people have more trust in gas station sushi than
12:35they do in the national news media.
12:37And it's a very personal reference.
12:39I think he's obviously eaten gas station sushi.
12:43According to Tallarico's campaign, the interview has over 40 million views on social media.
12:49After it did not air, Tallarico says that he raised $2.5 million.
12:56Okay.
12:56Panel, how do you think this windfall for Tallarico's campaign is going to impact the race in Texas?
13:02I think it's what the Republicans don't want.
13:04I have to cuss a little bit, so I apologize for that.
13:07But here's what these motherfuckers really want to do.
13:10They would love it if Jasmine Crockett got upset about this, and if she actually won that race.
13:16They think that a black woman can't be senator of Texas.
13:19They want her to beat Tallarico.
13:21That's why they're making a fuss about this, okay?
13:23They don't want...
13:24They don't want Tallarico to get all this money and all this stuff.
13:28If she becomes a candidate, then they get their wish, because they don't think she stands a chance in the
13:31Senate race in Texas.
13:33That's what's really going down.
13:34Oh, my God, that's true!
13:37Oh, no!
13:38Do you think she could win in Texas?
13:40Never underestimate the value of talented politicians, because policy is never as important as personality. Never.
13:47Yeah.
13:48Jasmine Crockett is a star.
13:49Mm-hmm.
13:50You know, I think she has a good chance in Texas.
13:52I believe it's turning more blue than it is red these days.
13:54What major business story dropped this week that puts all of this CBS nonsense into context?
14:01Um, is it the acquisition, uh, rumors?
14:03Uh, CBS's parent company is still trying to buy Warner Bros., despite Warner already having an agreement with Netflix.
14:12On Tuesday, Warner Bros. Discovery restarted deal talks with Paramount's Skydance, which owns CBS.
14:19So now it seems like the memo is going out among Republicans to go after Netflix.
14:23Uh, two weeks ago, senators held a hearing where they grilled, uh, CEO Ted Sarandos about buying Warner's.
14:28Question.
14:29What was Republicans' biggest concern about Netflix?
14:33Netflix is too woke.
14:35Are we right now on stolen land?
14:40I don't...
14:40I have no idea of the history of this land, of this, of where we're sitting today.
14:44Nor do I, Senator.
14:46So that speaks volumes that neither of you are willing to say,
14:49hell no, we're not on stolen land.
14:51Why is it that so much of Netflix content for children promotes a transgender ideology?
14:59Trans? What Peppa Pig he watching?
15:01I didn't.
15:03Just for the record, I was joking when I said they're too woke.
15:06I didn't know that was the answer.
15:08Whether Paramount or Netflix gets Warner Bros., it could come down to the personalities that are in play,
15:12including that of, uh, Paramount's Skydance CEO, Trump ally, David Ellison.
15:17Kind of like a young business casual Frankenstein.
15:23It's business casual Frankenstein's monster.
15:27Come on, boy!
15:28Yeah.
15:29Come on!
15:30People have concerns about Ellison's, uh, plans for the entertainment industry, but, uh, don't feel bad.
15:35Uh, Ellison is a guy who loves the movies.
15:38Question.
15:39What job did David Ellison once have in Hollywood when he was getting a star 20 years ago?
15:45He was a PA!
15:47He was an actor!
15:48Really?
15:49Uh, here he is in the, uh, 2006 movie Fly Boys being interrogated as a suspected spy.
15:56I robbed a bank.
15:58Yeah, I was in debt to a bookie, and I needed the money.
16:01I think we all will continue to trust him with our lives.
16:05And the off chance that one day he might actually hit something.
16:15Bigger question.
16:16That's good.
16:17Uh, why did we not know that J.D. Vance was also in this movie?
16:24Wow.
16:25Those were the hillbilly elegy years.
16:28Yeah.
16:29How do you think critics reacted to this movie?
16:32They did not like it.
16:33The New York Times called it,
16:35Stupidity carried beyond a certain point becomes a public menace.
16:38God!
16:39And that is what historians will say about the Trump administration.
16:43The movie was bankrolled in part by his father,
16:47Oracle founder and CEO Larry Ellison.
16:50Uh, when Fly Boys failed to take off,
16:52David Ellison was so stressed about losing his pop's money
16:55that he had to be hospitalized.
16:57Quote,
16:58The reaction to Fly Boys had so unsettled David
17:00that he experienced an episode of atrial fibrillation.
17:03No!
17:04What?
17:05Doctors had to shock his heart back into rhythm.
17:09So he is kind of a Frankenstein.
17:17Now, there's a lot of talk about which way the Warner thing is gonna go.
17:21Does it get sold to Netflix?
17:22Do they get sold to Paramount?
17:24I think if Paramount buys it,
17:26Trump directly gets to have a say with CNN.
17:30And look, you can't really blame him.
17:32If you're gonna be a real fascist, you should control media.
17:35You know?
17:36I mean, that's what you're supposed to do.
17:37He's only doing what he's supposed to do, Roy.
17:40He's being a good boy.
17:42Get off his back.
17:50Welcome back.
17:52It is time for the Offend-O-Meter.
17:54Teams have to tell us who's the offender,
17:56what they did, and who they offended.
17:59Who is this offender?
18:01Deputy dog.
18:04He just looks like anybody from any Ricky Gervais show.
18:08Yeah.
18:08Yeah.
18:10He is.
18:11This is a British person.
18:12Okay.
18:13Did he arrest Prince Andrews?
18:14That's right.
18:15Oh, yeah.
18:16Nice.
18:18Both of y'all hit it from half court.
18:20Holy shit.
18:20Come on.
18:21Yes.
18:22That man?
18:23Yes.
18:23Prince Andrews?
18:24Yeah, show some respect for
18:26Tim's Valley Police Assistant Chief Constable
18:29Oliver Wright.
18:31Doesn't he look like an adult Dewey
18:32from Malcolm in the Middle?
18:33Yes.
18:34Yes.
18:35That's very good.
18:36That's what happened to him.
18:37Tim's Valley Police Assistant Chief Constable
18:39Oliver Wright offended former Prince Andrew
18:42Mountbatten-Windsor by arresting him.
18:45Does anyone know the significance of the date of the arrest?
18:49It was in Black History Month.
18:52Yeah.
18:53That's right.
18:54Other than that.
18:55Which is a global celebration.
18:57Oh, is his birthday?
18:58Yes.
18:59Trust yourself.
19:02You were correct.
19:03You did.
19:04Good job, too, mate.
19:05Good job.
19:06You did it.
19:06Former Prince Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor was arrested on his birthday.
19:11Dang.
19:12Yes.
19:12In front of all the teenagers he had over, too.
19:15Oh.
19:16Worst birthday ever.
19:18Now, does anyone know what the birthday boy was arrested for?
19:22Oddly enough, it was for sharing confidential trade information with Epstein.
19:29That's correct.
19:30Andrew was arrested for suspicion of misconduct in public office.
19:35Here's the story.
19:35Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor was arrested at the private estate of his brother, King Charles,
19:40about three hours north of London.
19:42On suspicion, Andrew, as trade envoy in the 2000s, shared confidential information with
19:47Jeffrey Epstein about investment opportunities around the world.
19:51I don't care if he was arrested for farting in an elevator.
19:54I want that bitch to be under the jail.
19:56Yes.
19:57Agreed.
19:59Uh, question.
20:01How's his brother reacting?
20:03He literally just threw him under the bus.
20:04It was fantastic.
20:05He's keeping calm and carrying on.
20:07Yes, he is.
20:09In a statement, uh, his brother, King Charles, said, quote,
20:12Let me state clearly, the law must take its course.
20:16That was really good.
20:18That's basically...
20:19That's British for just, hey, good luck, big dog.
20:22You on your own.
20:24Exactly.
20:24I don't understand.
20:25They got you, dog.
20:26They got you.
20:27Now, second question.
20:29How did President Trump feel about the arrest?
20:32I think he was probably...
20:33Like, he did that thing where he's like, uh...
20:34Wishing the best of luck.
20:35Wishing the best of luck.
20:36I don't know.
20:36I don't know anymore.
20:39According to Trump, the whole thing is a damn shame.
20:42Well, you know, I'm the expert in a way because I've been totally exonerated.
20:45That's very nice.
20:46I can actually speak about it very nicely.
20:48I think it's a shame.
20:49I think it's very sad.
20:51I think it's so bad for the royal family.
20:53What does he think is a shame, exactly?
20:56Does he think it's a shame that Andrew got arrested?
21:00Or that Andrew was having sex with children?
21:03Because he's not clear at all.
21:04He's saying it's a shame for the royal family.
21:06He was clear.
21:06But he's not saying what the shame is.
21:08No, he's Trump.
21:09He's clear.
21:10Yeah.
21:12Question.
21:13What is the historical significance of Andrew's arrest?
21:18The last time a British monarch was arrested...
21:21Hit him.
21:22Uh...
21:22It was in the 1600s when King Charles was arrested because of the British Civil War.
21:29Mmm.
21:30Goddamn, you're good.
21:31Come on.
21:32Do it.
21:32Say it.
21:33Point!
21:34Yes!
21:35It's been like 400 years or something.
21:37Awesome.
21:37I mean, Britain and parts of Europe, they like to chop off the heads of their monarchs,
21:43too, you know?
21:43So this is, uh, they haven't done that type of thing in a long time, so...
21:47To that point, Larry, the last time a royal was arrested was almost 400 years ago, and
21:52that royal's name, King Charles I...
21:55Yep.
21:56...during the English Civil Wars, and Charles I was beheaded...
22:01Pop!
22:01...for treason.
22:02Yeah?
22:03What?
22:03I just know that even 400 years ago, there was still, like, a courtroom sketch artist,
22:08like, even on a behead...
22:10That's a terrible drawing.
22:11That looked like the Diddy sketch artist drawing.
22:14Oh!
22:15What is that?
22:17That's the same sketch artist, didn't it?
22:20But I guess the good news in the midst of all of this is that at least one person is
22:24being held accountable for their actions.
22:26Yay!
22:26Uh, you know, Andrew's been arrested, and then on top of the arrest, all of his properties
22:30are being searched, and his own brother, the King of England, says, you're on your own.
22:36Which would explain why when, uh, he got let out of jail, he looked like this.
22:42Oh, my God!
22:44Oh, my God!
22:46Ooh!
22:46Let's see your offender.
22:48Who are these offenders?
22:50It's one of them...
22:51It's Harry Belafonte, Al Bundy.
22:54Al Bundy.
22:55I don't recognize a single one of those assholes.
22:57They're definitely congressmen, then.
22:58I'm kind of offended right now.
23:00Those are three of Kentucky's Republican Senate primary candidates, Daniel Cameron, Nate
23:06Morris, and Andy Barr.
23:09Yes.
23:09Who did the three of these gentlemen offend?
23:13Well, the black guy offended himself.
23:17I'm Republa what?
23:18Oh, buddy.
23:20Are they running for her?
23:21For what are they running for?
23:22Senate in Kentucky.
23:23Oh, Senate.
23:23Did they offend Mitch McConnell?
23:25Points!
23:25Yes!
23:26That was just a wild guess.
23:27Cameron Morrison Barr offended retiring Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell.
23:31Oh, come on!
23:32Come on!
23:34That's the best picture you can find?
23:35Yes!
23:36That is literally the best picture.
23:38That is the best picture?
23:39Ever looked.
23:40To find that Mitch McConnell picture at home, you just Google Mitch McConnell Bill Cosby impersonation.
23:48Now, how did Cameron Morris and Barr offend Mitch McConnell?
23:53They offended him by walking up to him and going like this.
23:57Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
23:59I thought...
24:00You ain't right.
24:01I thought...
24:02They offended Senator Turtle by distancing themselves...
24:05by distancing themselves from him
24:08in their respective Senate campaigns.
24:11Now, why is it weird that these three Republicans
24:14running for a Kentucky seat
24:16are bashing the Republican Mitch McConnell?
24:20Is it because he didn't like Trump?
24:22Or he was on Trump's bad list or something,
24:25so they wouldn't get on his good list?
24:26It's weird that they're going so hard against Mitch McConnell
24:30because they're all former Mitch McConnell interns.
24:35Oh.
24:37They used to pick up the dry cleaning,
24:39pick up the food, handle the dribble with the rag.
24:43They did everything for this man,
24:45and now they're bashing this man.
24:47In fact, we got video.
24:48Here's a video of Daniel Cameron
24:50just days after announcing his run,
24:52and he criticizes Mitch.
24:54Now, what we saw from Mitch McConnell
24:56in voting against Pete Hegseff, Tulsi Gabbard, and RFK,
25:00was just flat-out wrong.
25:01If I was in the Senate,
25:02I would have voted for those nominees
25:05because I recognize it reflects your values.
25:07Yeah, Mitch McConnell's not even Trumpy enough anymore.
25:10Right.
25:10And they're like, mm-mm-mm, we're all the way Trump.
25:14Here's an ad that Nate Morris is running.
25:17I'm Nate Morris, a Trump America First conservative,
25:19and I'm here to take out the trash.
25:21I know a little bit about garbage.
25:23And Mitch McConnell, he's trash Trump.
25:26And for over 40 years, he's been dumping on us.
25:30He knows a lot about trash.
25:32What is going on?
25:33I mean, I feel so bad for Kentucky right now.
25:37What's the other big issue going on right now
25:39in the Kentucky Republican Senate primary?
25:41Moonshine?
25:42Fried chicken?
25:43The derby is coming.
25:44Don't we just stop.
25:45Bourbon?
25:46Don't we just name in Kentucky shit?
25:48No.
25:48Uh, chicken?
25:50No.
25:50Horse racing?
25:51Muhammad Ali's birth home?
25:53Yeah.
25:53Oh, yeah.
25:54Yeah, yeah.
25:54That's a good one.
25:55Oh, okay.
25:56Here's Andy Barr with an interesting talking point.
25:58You know what DEI really stands for?
26:01Dumb, evil, indoctrination.
26:03Thanks to Trump, America is rejecting that trash.
26:07And I'm leading the fight to end it for good.
26:10I'm Andy Barr.
26:11It's not a sin to be white.
26:17Wow.
26:18Agree to disagree.
26:19Yeah, yeah.
26:21Are we talking Venosin or Mordosin?
26:23Yeah.
26:24A question to the panel.
26:25Between Mitch McConnell and the Supermaga interns,
26:28whose side are we on?
26:29I can't believe I'm saying this,
26:30but I feel for Mitch McConnell.
26:32You know, it's like, he gave these guys a chance,
26:34and what do they do?
26:35They turn on Mitch, you know?
26:37It's like, what is this, Michigas?
26:41That was the Fender Meter.
26:51Welcome back.
26:53It is time for Missing Words.
26:56Here's your headline.
26:58Meta patents AI that blank.
27:00Gets you pregnant.
27:03That's probably coming while you're bullshitting.
27:06That's what the AI is called, too.
27:07Probably coming.
27:13Meta patents AI that takes over a dead person's account
27:17to keep posting and chatting.
27:18Oh, no.
27:20To what end?
27:21For who?
27:22I don't know.
27:22Just keep it alive.
27:24I'm still in the party.
27:25I'm dead, but I'm still here, baby.
27:27What's happening today?
27:29The patent describes a model that will simulate a user
27:33even when they're not on social media, quote,
27:36No.
27:36Including cases where a person is on a long break
27:39or deceased.
27:40The patent also suggests that Meta might include
27:43technology that could simulate audio
27:46or even video calls
27:48using the reconstructed persona
27:51so it could make a simulated FaceTime
27:53that look just like the dead person
27:55that you want to talk to
27:55and then it sounds like him.
27:57So even AI has a cameo?
28:01Question around the panel.
28:02What dead person would you want to have a chit-chat with?
28:05Tupac.
28:06AI Tupac.
28:07Yeah.
28:07To ask him what?
28:08How you doing?
28:13Well, I have some terrifying news.
28:15The future of this technology is now.
28:17Oh.
28:18Here's an ad for a product
28:19co-founded by former Disney star Callum Worthy
28:23and I cannot stress this enough.
28:24The person in this commercial
28:26is supposed to be his dead grandmother.
28:29Ooh.
28:29Look who's going to be a great grandmother.
28:31Oh, Charlie.
28:32Oh, congratulations.
28:35She says that he's been kicking a lot though.
28:36Like, a little too much.
28:38Tell her to put her hand on her tummy
28:41and hum to him.
28:43You loved that.
28:46You would have loved this moment.
28:48You can call anytime.
28:50Whoa.
28:51Great.
28:52I wanted to sleep tonight
28:53but I guess...
28:54Yeah, yeah.
28:55Sounds like she was setting up
28:56a booty call or something.
28:58But she's dead so he'd get ghosted.
29:01Yeah, absolutely.
29:04You didn't know the grandma.
29:07It's a solid joke.
29:09You acting like you knew
29:10that old fake dead white lady.
29:12Here's your headline.
29:14We blank twice as much
29:15as previously thought
29:16scientists discover
29:18from News Smart blank.
29:20I think it's farting.
29:21We fart so much.
29:23Nobody else?
29:24Okay, we fart
29:26twice as much
29:27as previously thought
29:28discovered from Smart Farts
29:31which is...
29:31Smart Farts.
29:32Yeah, Smart Farts,
29:33a new app coming out.
29:34But how would that work?
29:35How would Smart Farts
29:36measure farts?
29:37It's like that old saying,
29:39whoever measured it
29:40treasured it.
29:41And that's...
29:42That's the whole point
29:43of the Smart Fart app.
29:45Here's the answer.
29:47We fart!
29:48Oh, yeah!
29:49Oh, yeah!
29:49What if we fart?
29:51Oh, my God!
29:52Oh, my God!
29:53What if we fart?
29:54From News Smart Underwear.
29:57Smart Fart Underwear, man!
29:59I bought it on Zahn.
29:59Oh, my God!
30:00Jordan!
30:01Researchers at the
30:02University of Maryland
30:04who partially rely
30:05on public funding
30:08have been studying
30:10flatulence
30:10and have developed
30:11something called
30:12Smart Underwear.
30:13There's a sensor
30:14that communicates
30:15with an app
30:16and so to know
30:17if something's wrong
30:18when you got too much
30:19hydrogen,
30:19hey, man,
30:19something's going on
30:20in your belly,
30:20go to the doctor.
30:21Yeah.
30:21But why hear about it
30:23from me
30:23when you can hear
30:24from a real fart expert?
30:26My name is Brantley Fall.
30:28I'm an assistant professor
30:29in the University of Maryland.
30:30Here's the problem.
30:31We don't know how often
30:32humans fart.
30:33Yeah.
30:34It's true.
30:34I'm not making this up.
30:35This also measures
30:36the rate of decline
30:37of Western civilization.
30:44We need more information.
30:46Go on, Brantley.
30:47Early testing
30:47has revealed
30:48something interesting.
30:49We found that people
30:50farted an average
30:51of 32 times per day,
30:52not 10 to 15.
30:54And we captured
30:55some people farting
30:56more than 50 times a day,
30:57while others only farted
30:58once or twice.
30:59So he did all that work,
31:01but he doesn't know.
31:02He was like,
31:04some people fart never,
31:05and some people
31:06only ever fart.
31:10That's missing words.
31:11More after the break.
31:23It is time for
31:25Like Curious.
31:26I give you three
31:26biographical details
31:27about a public figure,
31:29but only one is true.
31:30You have to guess
31:31which is the truth
31:32and which are filthy,
31:33funky lies.
31:35Time for three facts
31:36about DHS advisering.
31:38Like a gym teacher
31:39who got suspended
31:40for shaking children.
31:42That is Corey Lewandowski.
31:45Our facts are,
31:46he was arrested in 1997
31:48for assaulting
31:49a Hot Topic employee.
31:50God damn.
31:51That's great.
31:51His signature drink
31:52is a strawberry daiquiri
31:54with protein powder.
31:56He brought a loaded gun
31:58into a congressional
31:59office building.
32:00That is so true.
32:01Which is the truth?
32:02Team Amber.
32:02I like the loaded gun.
32:04We choose loaded gun.
32:06Okay.
32:06Dacquiri with protein powder.
32:08I want it to be true.
32:09But which bars
32:10have protein powder?
32:12None of them.
32:13Yeah.
32:13Hot Topic final answer.
32:15Hot Topic.
32:15Corey Lewandowski
32:17brought a loaded gun
32:20into a congressional
32:21office building.
32:22Of course he did.
32:23In 1999,
32:24Lewandowski attempted
32:25to enter the Longworth
32:26House office building
32:27where he worked
32:28with a handgun,
32:29three magazines,
32:30a holster,
32:31several rounds
32:32of ammunition.
32:33And when he was arrested,
32:34he claimed the gun
32:35accidentally got mixed up
32:36with his dirty clothes
32:37and an overnight bag.
32:38Oh, dude.
32:39Yes.
32:40Now, earlier this month,
32:41Lewandowski
32:42and his wink, wink,
32:43nudge, nudge
32:44co-worker,
32:45Christy Noem
32:46were in the news
32:47for firing someone.
32:48Who did they give
32:49the pink slip to
32:50and why?
32:52I think I know this.
32:53They fired...
32:54Yes.
32:54...a person that flew them.
32:56Yes.
32:57What do we call those people?
32:58Yes.
33:01Yes.
33:01They fired a pilot.
33:02They fired a pilot.
33:03Okay.
33:04Uh...
33:05Do you remember why?
33:05They left something
33:06on the plane.
33:06They left something
33:07on the plane
33:07or something like that.
33:08Yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:08I don't know
33:09if they were making out
33:09on that plane.
33:11Oh, they left
33:12their dignity
33:12on the plane.
33:14I don't think
33:15it ever got
33:15on the plane.
33:16Yes.
33:17Yes.
33:18According to
33:18The Wall Street Journal,
33:19Lewandowski fired
33:20a U.S. Coast Guard pilot
33:22after Christy Noem's
33:24blanket was left behind
33:26on a plane.
33:28Now, does anyone know
33:28what the issue was
33:30with firing, uh,
33:32the pilot?
33:32They were currently
33:33in the air?
33:35No.
33:37They had to get back
33:39and there was no pilot.
33:41If you fire the pilot,
33:42who's gonna fly you back?
33:43Y'all are pretty much
33:44on point.
33:45Here's the Wall Street
33:46Journal reporter
33:46spelling it out.
33:47The flight crew
33:48forgot to move
33:49her blanket
33:50onto her new flight
33:51and so she fired
33:53the pilot
33:53out of retaliation
33:54but then realized
33:56she had no way
33:57of getting home
33:58so she had to reinstate
33:59the pilot
33:59to fly her home.
34:01Everyone who has
34:02anything to do
34:03with ice
34:04has an anger problem.
34:06That's why
34:06you have anything
34:07to do with ice.
34:08So of course
34:09she shot off
34:10her nose to spider face.
34:12I agree with that.
34:12Does anyone know
34:13what Corey Lewandowski's
34:14side project is?
34:16Is it Christy Noem?
34:19That's a side piece.
34:21It's different.
34:21Oh, sorry.
34:23I'll give you a hint
34:24and you only.
34:25All right.
34:25You also have
34:26this side project.
34:27Oh.
34:28Oh my God.
34:29Is she on Cameo?
34:30No points.
34:31No way.
34:34Corey Lewandowski
34:35is on Cameo.
34:37No.
34:38Here's Corey
34:38letting it hang
34:39all out on Cameo.
34:41Mickey,
34:41your daddy,
34:42Papa Dickie,
34:43reached out to me
34:43and told me
34:44that you're
34:44toilet training.
34:45You must be
34:46a very special
34:47little boy
34:48but I hear
34:49that you're starting
34:49to use the big boy
34:50toilet.
34:51So congratulations
34:52and you're doing
34:53a great job
34:54with your poopies.
34:57How did this
34:58conversation
34:59you know honey
35:00we need to
35:01encourage
35:02little Jimmy
35:02about his pooping.
35:04Can we get
35:05Corey Lewandowski
35:06to...
35:08Time for three facts
35:10about U.S. Senator
35:11and Nana
35:12who spent
35:13your entire inheritance
35:14on her thimble collection
35:15Susan Collins.
35:16Susan Collins, baby.
35:17She eats at Chili's
35:19once a week.
35:20Her campaign
35:20YouTube page
35:21has exactly
35:2226 subscribers.
35:24She lives
35:25three doors down
35:27from Stephen King.
35:29Team Michael,
35:30which one is the truth?
35:32You think Stephen King?
35:33Make it King.
35:34That feels too obvious,
35:35doesn't it?
35:36There's only two people
35:36that you know from Maine.
35:37That's true.
35:38They live next door
35:39to each other?
35:40Yeah.
35:40Do we?
35:41Yeah, Stephen King.
35:42We're going with Stephen King.
35:43They live next door
35:43to each other.
35:44I think it's Chili's.
35:45A girl
35:46eats at Chili's
35:47once a week.
35:48Susan Collins'
35:49Senate campaign
35:50YouTube page
35:51has exactly
35:54six subscribers.
35:5627.
35:58But what's so crazy
35:59about that
36:00is there have to be
36:00more than 26 people
36:01who work on the campaign.
36:04I wonder if Stephen King
36:05is one of those.
36:07Now,
36:08what big announcement
36:09did Susan Collins
36:10make earlier this month
36:12to her, um,
36:13dozens?
36:15Everybody meet me
36:16at Chili's.
36:19My next door neighbor
36:21is Stephen King.
36:23Susan Collins
36:24announced that
36:24she's running
36:25for re-election
36:26and she did it
36:27in the absolute
36:28coolest way possible.
36:30Oh, man.
36:31This is perfect
36:33for 2026
36:34because
36:37I'm running.
36:40Susan Collins
36:41running for her
36:41sixth term
36:42is peculiar
36:42because when she ran
36:43for her first term,
36:45she was 100%
36:46clear
36:47on one thing.
36:49If I'm elected,
36:49I will only serve
36:51two terms
36:52regardless of whether
36:53term limits law,
36:54a constitutional amendment
36:55passes or not.
36:57I heard that was liked
36:59by 26 people.
37:01This has been
37:02Lie Curious.
37:03Go after the break.
37:11Welcome back.
37:12It's time for
37:12Which is Higher?
37:13I'll give you
37:14two unrelated numbers
37:15from the news.
37:16You tell me.
37:17Which is higher?
37:18The number of presidents
37:19who kept possums
37:20around the White House
37:21as pets
37:22or the number of presidents
37:24who kept raccoons
37:25around the White House
37:26as pets.
37:27What the fuck
37:28are these people doing?
37:31So who would keep
37:32a possum?
37:33Andrew Jackson,
37:34obviously.
37:34Who would keep
37:35a raccoon?
37:36Teddy Roosevelt.
37:37So that's one to one.
37:39I want to say raccoons.
37:41That's a trick question.
37:42It's got to be possums.
37:44Because raccoons
37:45are so adorable.
37:46Yeah, exactly.
37:46You would think
37:47it would be raccoons.
37:48But ugly ass possums.
37:50There you go.
37:50The number of presidents
37:52who kept possums
37:53in the White House
37:53as pets is two.
37:55And the number of presidents
37:56who kept raccoons
37:57in the White House
37:58as pets is one.
38:00Come on!
38:02So as of the time
38:04of this taping,
38:05the amount of presidents
38:05who kept possums
38:06is higher.
38:08Does anyone want to guess
38:09which president
38:10had raccoons?
38:12It does feel like
38:13T.R., right?
38:13Yeah, Teddy Roosevelt.
38:14He was like,
38:15look, I got a grizzly bear
38:16in the living room.
38:18You know?
38:18Yeah, T.R.'s a good answer,
38:20but, hmm,
38:21could have been
38:21one of the shot presidents
38:22too, you know?
38:23One of the shot?
38:25Like...
38:25McKinley?
38:27Yeah, Garfield, McKinley.
38:29Let me make sure
38:30I understand this,
38:31Larry Wilmore.
38:31In your mind,
38:33American presidents
38:34are like classified
38:36slave presidents,
38:37free slave,
38:39shot Obama.
38:41Yes, pretty much.
38:43Pretty much, yeah.
38:44President Calvin Coolidge
38:46had raccoons.
38:47Of course it was Calvin Coolidge.
38:50Wow, every time.
38:51Here's First Lady
38:52Grace Coolidge
38:53with their raccoon,
38:54Rebecca.
38:55Oh.
38:56Which one is the raccoon?
38:59Damn, dog.
39:01But it turns out,
39:02uh, Rebecca wasn't
39:04originally meant
39:05to be a pet.
39:06One of Calvin Coolidge's
39:07supporters from Mississippi
39:09decided to send
39:10the Coolidge's
39:10a Thanksgiving dinner,
39:11and what he sent them
39:13was a live raccoon.
39:14They decided,
39:16well, we're gonna
39:16keep her instead.
39:18There's a third option.
39:19Get that thing
39:20out of your fucking house.
39:22It's the raccoon.
39:24So we know
39:24about the raccoon.
39:25Meanwhile,
39:26with the possums,
39:27President Hoover
39:27kept a possum
39:29named Billy Possum.
39:31Oh.
39:31Billy Possum.
39:32Billy Possum.
39:44Who was the other
39:46president to have
39:46a possum?
39:47Was it Benjamin Harrison,
39:48Zachary Tyler,
39:49or Frederick Pierce?
39:51I believe it was
39:52Zachary Taylor, right?
39:53That's what killed him.
39:54It's the guy on the left,
39:55Benjamin Harrison.
39:56The other two
39:57are not presidents.
39:58God!
40:00That guy?
40:02Possum owner?
40:02We remixed the name
40:04just a little bit.
40:04We're gonna take a break
40:05and eat some possum.
40:07That was Richard Hyatt.
40:08I was like...
40:11Welcome back.
40:13It's time for a game
40:14called
40:15Who's That Baby?
40:17I'll show you
40:18a famous person's
40:19baby picture
40:20and you tell me
40:21who's that baby?
40:22Let's see the first baby.
40:24Clues about this baby are
40:25it's a two-time
40:26Grammy winner.
40:27Okay.
40:28They've co-written
40:28three best-selling
40:29thriller novels.
40:31What?
40:31And they passed
40:32bank deregulation
40:33that contributed
40:33to the 2008
40:34financial crisis.
40:36This baby didn't
40:37do those things.
40:38I know who that baby is.
40:39Who that baby?
40:40That baby is Newt Gingrich.
40:42Oh, no.
40:42That baby is not
40:43Newt Gingrich.
40:45All right.
40:46I'll give you a hint.
40:46That baby
40:47in the Epstein Files.
40:48Oh.
40:49Oh, no.
40:50Is that Bill Clinton?
40:52Points!
40:53No!
40:55That baby
40:56is President
40:57Bill Clinton.
40:59His Grammys
41:00are for narrating
41:01audio books.
41:02But Bill Clinton
41:02always had
41:03a passion for music.
41:05What rock and roll
41:06icon
41:07did the future
41:08president
41:09grow up idolizing?
41:11Elvis.
41:11Elvis, yeah.
41:12Yes, it is Elvis Presley.
41:14Makes a lot of sense.
41:15They're both from the
41:16South.
41:16Both grew up poor.
41:17Both got rich
41:18stealing from black people.
41:20That was Who's That Baby.
41:22I want to thank our guests
41:23Larry Wilmore
41:23and Jordan Carlos.
41:25And, of course,
41:27thank you to our team,
41:28Captains Amber Ruffin
41:29and Michael Ian Black.
41:31Before we sign off,
41:33here are a few more
41:35stories we are watching.
41:36Bad Boy Made a Boom Boom.
41:42Planet Fitness
41:44shuts down sauna
41:45over Listeria concerns.
41:50I'm Roy Wood Jr.
41:51and I'll see you next week
41:52for another episode
41:52of Have I Got News for you.
41:54And there are still
41:55seats available
41:56on Trump's Board of Peace.
41:57Jesse Jackson,
41:59we love you.
42:00We love you.
42:01We love you.
42:04We love you.
42:05We love you.
42:05We love you.
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