- 3 hours ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00MUSIC
00:24Good evening and welcome to a special edition
00:27of the very best bits from series 18
00:29of Would I Lie To You?
00:31Joining Lee Mack tonight...
00:44And joining David Mitchell tonight...
00:46Judy Love...
00:48Stacy Solomon...
00:50Sir Grayson Perry...
00:51Harriet Kemsley...
00:53Rosie Ramsey...
00:55Koji Radical...
00:56And Josh Jones.
00:58First up, it's Harry.
01:02When I was a doctor, I accidentally sent two patients
01:06for procedures they didn't need
01:08because I'd got their forms mixed up.
01:12Oh, so each other's form?
01:14The test that they needed, I put the wrong one on the wrong person.
01:19That's what I thought.
01:21Yes.
01:21Because, in fact, you viola understated your crime
01:24because not only did you give them tests...
01:27Crime is a very strong word.
01:29LAUGHTER
01:30Let's... OK, let's...
01:31I'll commute that to act of gross professional misconduct.
01:34LAUGHTER
01:36It was a very different time, David.
01:39How long ago was this?
01:40Well, I wasn't a doctor for long.
01:41No.
01:44Probably for the best.
01:46What kind of doctor were you?
01:47I was a junior doctor.
01:49I would get patients ready for the operation
01:51and I would assist the surgeon with the operation.
01:54What tests were they?
01:55There were two patients and one required an X-ray of their neck.
02:00Right.
02:01And then the other one required a barium enema.
02:04A what?
02:06LAUGHTER
02:07What's a barium enema?
02:08So that is where you squirt a radio opaque dye
02:12into the, er...
02:15anus, I'll say the word.
02:16LAUGHTER
02:17Were you like this as a doctor?
02:19Can I say the word?
02:20Anus.
02:21LAUGHTER
02:23One of them had a barium enema they didn't need,
02:25but also didn't have the neck X-ray they did need.
02:28I then have to sort of correct that.
02:30So they ended up having two tests each instead of one.
02:33Well, hold on.
02:35Someone went in, right, for a neck X-ray and happily laid down
02:40and had an enema.
02:41LAUGHTER
02:43Just because he said it on the sheet.
02:45I mean, that is a hell of a blockage.
02:47LAUGHTER
02:49I never used the word happily.
02:51LAUGHTER
02:52But how did they not question that?
02:55Did they not...
02:55Well, they wouldn't have understand a technical phrase like
02:57neck X-ray.
02:58They'd have no idea what that means.
03:00The lady who required the neck X-ray and got the barium enema,
03:04said to me she was impressed at how thorough I'd been.
03:09LAUGHTER
03:12LAUGHTER
03:20Did it help these extra tests?
03:23Did you find anything cut this lady's bum or this man's name?
03:27LAUGHTER
03:27That could have saved them in the future.
03:30Now, fortunately, those were the normal...
03:32They were normal tests.
03:33So, neck lady had a perfectly healthy bottom and...
03:36LAUGHTER
03:36Bottom guy's neck was A-OK.
03:39Did you, at any stage,
03:40come clean to these patient A and patient B?
03:43Of course not.
03:45LAUGHTER
03:46All right, what are you thinking, then?
03:48That's impossible, man.
03:51I can't go for a neck X-ray and get a sight of in my bum bum bum.
03:57Crazy.
03:59Stacey?
04:00I couldn't tell you what it was like in those days.
04:02No, exactly.
04:03Exactly.
04:05Exactly, Stacey.
04:06It was a different time.
04:07It was a different time.
04:08What year?
04:09This would have been 1988.
04:12What was it like, then?
04:13LAUGHTER
04:17Well, I mean, it was a different time, you know?
04:20But, yes, I think doctors carry a lot of authority.
04:23Yeah.
04:24And who do you complain to?
04:25You know, how difficult it is to get to see a doctor at all.
04:29Yeah, they won't want to see you again if you just complain.
04:31You don't want to be known as a pain in the arse or a pain in the neck.
04:35LAUGHTER
04:37APPLAUSE
04:39All right, so what are we going to say, David?
04:43I think it could have happened, but equally...
04:46Yeah.
04:47Why?
04:47Well, honestly, I fear for people who grew up in that time.
04:52LAUGHTER
04:53Well, if you two are both convinced it's a lie, I won't overrule you,
04:57cos it definitely might be a lie.
04:59All right, then.
05:00So, Harry, was it true or was it a lie?
05:02It was...
05:05True.
05:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
05:09Yes, it's true.
05:11Harry did send two patients for procedures they didn't need.
05:16Matt, you're next.
05:18Ahem.
05:19OK.
05:21LAUGHTER
05:22Sorry.
05:23That's just my original.
05:25I'm just trying to build...
05:27I'm trying to build the anticipation.
05:30LAUGHTER
05:34Whenever I eat a banana, I eat everything.
05:38LAUGHTER
05:39Including the skin.
05:42David's team.
05:43Oh, that's a good one.
05:43So, why do you do that?
05:46LAUGHTER
05:48A number of reasons.
05:50Firstly, easier.
05:52How much time do you spend peeling a banana?
05:54What do you say on average?
05:55I'm literally saving hours of time a year
05:58while you morons are peeling bananas.
06:00LAUGHTER
06:01I take your point.
06:02OK, so that's reason one.
06:03It's a time saver.
06:04Reason one, OK.
06:05Reason two, there are so many health benefits
06:07to eating a banana skin.
06:09Like what?
06:09Skin.
06:10Skin health.
06:11Ah, and also, afterwards, you don't slip on it.
06:13LAUGHTER
06:15So, banana skins are good for human skin?
06:18There's all kinds of nutrients, fibre, loads of good stuff in there.
06:21Which end do you prefer?
06:23The non-stalking, obviously.
06:24The classic chat-up line of Rob Brydon, Lenin.
06:29LAUGHTER
06:31I mean...
06:31Excuse my friend, he's not been speed-dating before.
06:35LAUGHTER
06:35So, you've used this, then, as part of your regime.
06:39Yes.
06:39This is part of how you've got a better body than Lee.
06:42Better for what, though?
06:43LAUGHTER
06:44I mean, try joining the darts team looking like that, mate.
06:46No chance.
06:48Can I ask you as well?
06:49Were you doing press-ups and bicep curls
06:51literally seconds before you came out, yeah?
06:53Or is that you in a relaxed state?
06:55I'm just a very vascular guy, yeah.
06:57No, he's in a relaxed state.
06:59Vascular.
06:59Nice.
07:01LAUGHTER
07:02LAUGHTER
07:07It's a strong look.
07:08Thanks, mate.
07:10Are you flirting, Rob?
07:12A little bit.
07:13It's working, it's working, Rob.
07:14What have you eaten today?
07:15Er, so, Rob, let's start a breakfast.
07:17Um...
07:17Claw flags and the box.
07:20LAUGHTER
07:28I had a protein shake comprising of two scoops of protein.
07:32Protein, like, from a lab?
07:33Or protein?
07:34It's a whey protein, it's a powdered form.
07:36So you have a whey protein-based shake for...
07:39Does this pertain to the banana skin consuming?
07:41I'm thinking we're going way up.
07:42We want an overall picture,
07:43and I'll thank you just to answer our questions and not question them.
07:46It's your first time on the show, Matt.
07:48That's my bad idea.
07:49You're very sure of yourself, but...
07:50LAUGHTER
07:51..you'll play the game our way or no whey at all.
07:55LAUGHTER
07:55No whey-based protein at all.
07:57Yeah!
07:57You see, that's the sort of stuff we do.
08:00LAUGHTER
08:01So...
08:01And me, you just pointed at you.
08:04LAUGHTER
08:04Shall I be in the gang as well?
08:06LAUGHTER
08:07I want to know how it comes out the other end.
08:10LAUGHTER
08:11You don't think it comes back together as a whole, but not...
08:14LAUGHTER
08:15You must give it a good chew, I imagine.
08:17Er, yes.
08:18Although, over time, my, er, swallowing mechanism has developed
08:23to allow me to swallow bigger chunks of banana skin.
08:25Me too, me too.
08:27LAUGHTER
08:29It's time to take a guess. Truth or lie?
08:31OK, what do you think?
08:32I think it's true.
08:34Ah...
08:35You think it's a lie?
08:35Who's eating a banana with the skin on?
08:38Er...
08:40True.
08:41You think it is true?
08:42OK.
08:43Er, Matt, was it true or was it a lie?
08:45You'll be glad to know, David, that it was, in fact...
08:48BUZZ
08:48Oh, it's a lie!
08:50APPLAUSE
08:51Sorry.
08:51Good, mate.
08:52Yes, it's a lie.
08:54Matt does not eat banana skins.
08:57Judy.
08:59As a schoolgirl, I got a free can of Coke every day from my news agent
09:03in exchange for keeping quiet about his affair.
09:07LAUGHTER
09:07Lee's tea.
09:09LAUGHTER
09:09How old are you?
09:10I was 12.
09:11And this happened for how long?
09:13Maybe for about a year or so.
09:15How did you know about the affair?
09:17Er, because I walked in on them.
09:20What were they doing?
09:21Something that they shouldn't be doing.
09:23Bit of a pick-and-mix.
09:24LAUGHTER
09:25Well, he was picking and she was mixing.
09:28LAUGHTER
09:30What did you see them doing?
09:32They were making... getting amorous, were they?
09:34Right.
09:35So, went in and the door, because it was a post office as well,
09:39was open and, because we know him, I peeped round
09:42and somebody was on their knees.
09:46Oh, God.
09:47Had they dropped a contact lens?
09:49LAUGHTER
09:51Or they were simply praying for forgiveness?
09:53Yeah.
09:54LAUGHTER
09:56That's not how you lick a stamp!
09:58LAUGHTER
10:01LAUGHTER
10:03LAUGHTER
10:04LAUGHTER
10:04Oh!
10:06He went, oh, they all kind of, like, made noise,
10:08and I kind of...
10:09I was just checking if you was all right,
10:10I was just checking if you was all right.
10:11What did he say?
10:12And he was like...
10:13Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
10:15LAUGHTER
10:17Did you know who she was?
10:20Yes.
10:21She was a member of the local community?
10:23She definitely was part of the community.
10:26LAUGHTER
10:27Was she married?
10:29Yes.
10:30So, they were both married?
10:31Yeah.
10:32Not to each other?
10:33No.
10:33At what point did you have the actual deal where you said,
10:36I need to be paid with cola?
10:38Right.
10:38So, I didn't go in for a couple of days.
10:40Right.
10:41But, back in those days, they had...
10:42Do you remember the jelly sweets?
10:43That was a watch.
10:44Oh, yeah.
10:45Yes.
10:45I loved those sweets and that was the only one in the area that did it.
10:48So, after two days, I was like, you know what?
10:50I'm going back in there.
10:51And then he was like, oh, no, take some more.
10:54You can have some more.
10:56And I was like, hmm, you never give anything free.
11:00So, I said, can I have a cola as well?
11:03And he was like, OK.
11:04And I was like, OK.
11:05So, at no stage did he say to you, don't tell anyone?
11:08It was all just done with looks and stuff.
11:10I went back again.
11:11He gave me more sweets.
11:13I said, can I get a cola?
11:14And once I realised, he was going to give it to me every time I went in...
11:17You realised you were on for...
11:18Yeah.
11:18So, in a way, by you talking about this on national television,
11:21you've reneged on the deal.
11:22Well, I haven't said their name.
11:24And I haven't said where I lived at the time, so...
11:27Where did you live at the time?
11:30Er...
11:30How long did the busy drink deal go on for?
11:33Oh, that went on for time until...
11:37I'd definitely say at least...
11:40Last week.
11:41LAUGHTER
11:42Still getting them delivered to my house now!
11:45What do you think, Tim?
11:47I don't mean in general, I mean about this.
11:49Yes.
11:51I think it's true because your description of the sort of looks,
11:55backwards and forwards, it just rings true to me.
11:59I'll go with whatever you think. I'm not sure.
12:00Are you 51% even towards one or the other?
12:03Oh, I see what you mean.
12:04You'd have to be sure, but...
12:05Is that part of the game or do you just not want to decide?
12:07I don't like deciding.
12:08OK.
12:08Because I like someone to blame.
12:10OK.
12:11There's no right and wrong answers.
12:12Well, I mean, yeah, there are.
12:15I'm going to say true.
12:17True.
12:17OK.
12:18We'll say true.
12:19Let's say true.
12:20Judy, it was a while ago, it was shocking.
12:23True.
12:23But was it true?
12:24It definitely was a lie.
12:26LAUGHTER
12:29APPLAUSE
12:29Thank you, Jimmy.
12:33It's a lie.
12:35Judy wasn't bribed by her newsagent.
12:38Jill, you're next.
12:40OK.
12:41Here you will go.
12:42I was sick into the FA Cup.
12:46Oh, they are.
12:47David's team.
12:48Were you?
12:51LAUGHTER
12:51For the love of God, say yes.
12:57I actually was.
12:59That's a very good follow-up question.
13:01LAUGHTER
13:02And what circumstances?
13:04So, basically, we just won the FA Cup
13:07and then people do that thing where they pour the champagne
13:10into the FA Cup.
13:12Who is we, Jill?
13:13Manchester City.
13:14Manchester City.
13:15Yeah, Manchester City.
13:15I take a sip of this champagne stuff
13:19and I brought it back up into the FA Cup.
13:23Did they sing a song?
13:25Like, we like to drink with Jill.
13:26Because Jill is on me.
13:28And when we drink with Jill, she dance our drinking.
13:308, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
13:35Yeah!
13:36Oh!
13:36Sick.
13:37Yeah, and then I was sick, yeah.
13:39Are we the only two that go out?
13:41Yeah, I've never heard that.
13:43LAUGHTER
13:44That's also new to me.
13:46Yeah, I've never heard that in my life.
13:47Well, you know what the worst thing was?
13:49The person who got the second swig.
13:51LAUGHTER
13:52That is it.
13:53I didn't tell the girls.
13:54Oh, what?
13:55I didn't tell the girls.
13:56I know, because then they were passing it round.
13:59This wasn't a full vomit.
14:01This was more like a short-term regurgitation.
14:04Yeah, but I was a bit sick.
14:05Did it go down the wrong hole?
14:08LAUGHTER
14:08No, it definitely went down the right hole.
14:12LAUGHTER
14:15I think the part that makes me suspicious
14:17is I believe Jill was a really nice person
14:19and she'd be like,
14:20oh, I've just puked in that.
14:23LAUGHTER
14:23Is that your definition of a nice person?
14:26LAUGHTER
14:27What do you reckon, Toji?
14:30I reckon you did it.
14:32LAUGHTER
14:33It's like the end of EastEnders.
14:36LAUGHTER
14:38I think we lie.
14:39You think lie, so it's up to me.
14:42Yeah, yeah?
14:43Yeah, I reckon that's true.
14:46LAUGHTER
14:46Jill, was it true they think it was,
14:49or was it a lie?
14:50So, it was...
14:52a lie.
14:54APPLAUSE
15:00Yes, it was a lie.
15:02Jill wasn't sick into the FA Cup.
15:05It's Nabil.
15:09I once climbed into a crocodile enclosure
15:11because I wanted to get a closer look.
15:14LAUGHTER
15:15David's team.
15:16When did you do this and where did you do this?
15:18When I was little, in Nigeria.
15:21It was a crocodile-themed restaurant.
15:22Was crocodile on the menu?
15:24I think so, yeah, I can't remember.
15:26It's the restaurant's gimmick that there's a...
15:28Yeah.
15:29..a crocodile enclosure with real crocodiles.
15:31Yeah.
15:31And you can watch the crocodiles as you dine.
15:34Yes.
15:34On crocodiles.
15:36LAUGHTER
15:36How easy was it to get into the crocodiles?
15:39I mean, at that time in Nigeria,
15:41we...we didn't have, um, health and safety.
15:45LAUGHTER
15:46We had the concept of common sense.
15:49So, for example...
15:51LAUGHTER
15:52There was, like, um, a street next to a river.
15:55There wasn't a fence and a sign saying,
15:57caution, river next to street.
15:58LAUGHTER
15:59Because...
16:00The Nigerian philosophy is that if you can see the sign,
16:04you can probably see the river.
16:08LAUGHTER
16:10APPLAUSE
16:14I hopped over the fence because I wanted to look at them
16:16because I just thought they were cute and friendly and stuff.
16:18And I got close to one, and they just, like, came at me.
16:21And luckily for me, I didn't know, I just found out by accident,
16:24but they're fast running in a straight line,
16:28but if you tick a corner, it's hard for them to kind of, like...
16:31LAUGHTER
16:31Yes, you're meant to run away from crocodiles in zig-zag.
16:35LAUGHTER
16:35I didn't know that at the time.
16:37I was running straight, but he was gaining on me.
16:40And then I just, like, took a corner and hopped the fence.
16:42And what sort of state were you in?
16:44What do you think?
16:45LAUGHTER
16:47Have you been chased by an animal before?
16:49Anybody?
16:50I've been attacked by a crocodile.
16:52Yeah, there you go.
16:53When were you attacked by a crocodile?
16:54We were in a Louisiana swamp.
16:56We were rescuing crocodiles.
16:58Will they not have been alligators?
17:00Alligators.
17:00Oh, well, I don't want to hear about it, then.
17:02LAUGHTER
17:04It's totally irrelevant.
17:07APPLAUSE
17:09I got chased by an ostrich as well.
17:11No way.
17:12Yeah, in a police officer's house.
17:14He's quite a well-to-do police officer.
17:16OK.
17:17Because they take pride!
17:18LAUGHTER
17:21He had a lot of exotic stuff in his house,
17:24and one of the things he had was an ostrich.
17:26I got too close to one and I was laughing at it
17:28because he was doing...
17:30I think...
17:30I don't know whether it was a mating dance or a challenge.
17:33Like...
17:36I kind of ended up doing the dance back.
17:39That probably wasn't a good idea.
17:42LAUGHTER
17:42And it chased you?
17:44Yes.
17:45So, who did you say he was with?
17:47Who was looking after you?
17:48On which occasion?
17:49The policeman's house at the ostrich or the restaurant
17:51and the crocodile?
17:51Well, I mean, I'd like to know both, really.
17:54So...
17:54My parents practised free-range parenting.
17:57LAUGHTER
17:59Although, that being said,
18:00I was more scared of my mum than I was of the crocodile.
18:03LAUGHTER
18:05So, what are you going to say?
18:06What are you thinking, Lucy?
18:08I think it's true.
18:09I was listening to it like it was a real story.
18:11I forgot, actually, we were playing a game.
18:15LAUGHTER
18:16Fran?
18:17I think it's true.
18:19Because you haven't embellished it any further,
18:22you've kept with the story.
18:23He has, in the sense that he's added an extra story
18:26of being chased by an ostrich.
18:28LAUGHTER
18:28Maybe he jumped to that truth story
18:30because he needed a break from telling a lie.
18:32Yes, exactly, yeah.
18:33Maybe.
18:33And then why didn't he tell the show's researchers
18:35about being chased by an ostrich?
18:37LAUGHTER
18:37That would have been equally interesting.
18:39Particularly at the huge private zoo
18:41of a corrupt police officer.
18:44LAUGHTER
18:45What are you going to say?
18:46I do not know.
18:48You have to make a decision, David.
18:49You're saying that it's true.
18:51Nabil, was that true or was that a lie?
18:54It's not true.
18:54It's not true.
18:55It's not true.
18:56What?
18:57It's too late, but I sense now it's not true.
19:00I have that feeling.
19:01It's not too late.
19:02It's not too late.
19:03You can change if you want to.
19:04Oh.
19:05Go on, then.
19:06LAUGHTER
19:07You had a feeling, then.
19:09It was a smile.
19:09The way he was smiling.
19:11You were smiling like I've got them.
19:14LAUGHTER
19:15I don't know if it's true or a lie, but if you now get this right
19:18because he's got to want to change your mind, I'll be livid.
19:22LAUGHTER
19:23OK, I'm going...
19:24Err!
19:25Lie, lie, lie.
19:27You're saying it's a lie.
19:28I don't think so.
19:28Nabil, was it a lie or was it true?
19:31It's true.
19:31Oh!
19:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
19:34Good answer.
19:36It was amazing.
19:37I don't know.
19:38I don't know.
19:39It's true.
19:41Nabil did climb into a crocodile enclosure.
19:44Harriet, you're next.
19:47LAUGHTER
19:49Once, while camping, I lost my tent, then took desperate measures
19:55to find somewhere else to stay.
19:57Right.
19:57Lee's team.
19:59Define desperate measures.
20:01LAUGHTER
20:03That was said like a lawyer in an L.A.
20:05LAUGHTER
20:06Where are we, Harriet?
20:08Newquay.
20:09Newquay.
20:10When was this?
20:11It was when I was 17, which is...
20:16Is it written up there?
20:17LAUGHTER
20:19So, it's the early 2000s.
20:22So, you were in a campsite.
20:22Who were you with?
20:23Two girls.
20:24What are they called?
20:25Their names were Sam and Susan.
20:27How many tents have you got?
20:29One tent.
20:29Between the three of you?
20:30Yes.
20:31Is there a three-woman tent?
20:32No, two-man.
20:34LAUGHTER
20:34Come on.
20:37Hashtag everyday sexism.
20:39So, it's a two-man tent.
20:40Yes.
20:40But you were trying to squash in.
20:42Yes.
20:43Right.
20:43We went to put it up and then we realised we didn't know how to put up a tent.
20:46So, then we went to go get some food to have energy to make the tent.
20:50But then...
20:51You weren't lacking in energy.
20:52You were lacking in knowledge!
20:54LAUGHTER
20:54Then I came...
20:55We came back.
20:56Yes.
20:57But then the tent was gone.
20:58So, now we have nowhere to stay.
21:00Because we didn't have any money as well.
21:02Whoa, whoa, whoa.
21:02What do you mean you got no money?
21:03You're on holiday.
21:04No, because we were only going for like one night.
21:06And then we saw a sign.
21:08And it said?
21:10Bikini beach babe competition.
21:12LAUGHTER
21:13The prize was £100.
21:15And so, Susan said...
21:16Sorry, can I just check something?
21:18Did this happen or did you watch a carry-on film?
21:21LAUGHTER
21:23So, you've now decided this is your way to get some money.
21:27Well, then the guy came out and then he was like,
21:28there's only one other entrant.
21:31What a charmer he was!
21:32What a charmer he was!
21:33You might win this!
21:35Because there's only one of a girl, innit?
21:37LAUGHTER
21:37Then we go in and we're a bit nervous.
21:40But then we meet the other entrant.
21:42She's a professional.
21:44A professional what?
21:46LAUGHTER
21:48She could be a lady of the night, she could be a plumber.
21:51What is she?
21:51LAUGHTER
21:54She's a professional beach babe.
21:56LAUGHTER
21:57And we're not even semi-professional.
22:01LAUGHTER
22:03But our odds are good, because there's three of us.
22:05There's three of you, one of her.
22:07LAUGHTER
22:07So, it's about to begin.
22:10There's a crowd of men and they're all...
22:12LAUGHTER
22:14They're all cheering.
22:16Is it just men?
22:17It's just men.
22:18Ooh.
22:19Yes.
22:19What were the men...
22:20What were the look on their face?
22:21See David's look on his face then.
22:23LAUGHTER
22:24Was it...
22:25Is it that sort of look?
22:26No, that's panic.
22:28That was my look.
22:29That was what I had.
22:30Sheer panic.
22:31Yes.
22:32Could you teach David to give the face of the look that the men were giving?
22:37Like...
22:38LAUGHTER
22:39LAUGHTER
22:40So, David, give it the...
22:42Yes.
22:42I'm getting flashbacks.
22:44I'm getting flashbacks.
22:46Did you do a catwalk type thing?
22:48Yeah, yeah, a little bit of catwalk.
22:50Yeah, a little catwalk.
22:51But the professional, she had a chair.
22:53Oh.
22:53She bought her own chair.
22:54Flashdance.
22:55Yeah.
22:55Who's a dancing, a chair to dance, not...
22:58She didn't just sit there?
23:00LAUGHTER
23:00So, now I'm a professional, I haven't got time for this.
23:03I'll just sit there.
23:03LAUGHTER
23:03Sit there.
23:05Judge me, 100 quid, I'm off.
23:08LAUGHTER
23:12Can we ask now who would?
23:14Well...
23:14The professional.
23:15The professional, yeah.
23:16Then we had to find somewhere to stay, but we didn't have a tent, so...
23:21So, in many ways, the situation is unchanged.
23:25LAUGHTER
23:25So, then a guy came...
23:27He was like, oh, you can stay in my van.
23:30Oh, my God.
23:31Then we slept for a bit.
23:34So, why don't you sleep in your car?
23:36Yes.
23:36Good question.
23:37LAUGHTER
23:39It was more...
23:40There was more space than I had a Renault Clio, and so we could have a proper sleep.
23:44Right.
23:45So, has it finished, or did anything else happen?
23:47Then we had a lovely day in Newquay, and then I drove back.
23:51And that's it?
23:52Yeah.
23:53On the way back...
23:55LAUGHTER
23:55I was driving, and then I was like, oh, that's...
23:58There's a stag in the road!
24:00And then Susan said, I can't see a stag.
24:04And I'd imagined a stag.
24:06Whoa!
24:07What?
24:07What do you mean?
24:09I don't think in the history of this show has an added bit ever been more worthless.
24:13LAUGHTER
24:14One more thing.
24:15I thought I saw a stag, but I didn't.
24:18LAUGHTER
24:19So, what do we think?
24:20You can add that as a bonus!
24:22APPLAUSE
24:24Right, Kadina, what do you make of it?
24:26I think it's a lie.
24:27You're not having it?
24:28No.
24:29What about you, Ivo?
24:31I've had a lovely time.
24:33LAUGHTER
24:34But I think it's a lie.
24:36Lee Mack?
24:37To have invented a story like that...
24:39Yeah.
24:39..would require genius.
24:41LAUGHTER
24:43So, I think it's true.
24:45LAUGHTER
24:46But I'm all about democracy.
24:48Yeah.
24:48So, I will go with my team.
24:49OK.
24:50They think it's a lie, Harriet.
24:51Was it, or was it true?
24:54It is...true.
24:56LAUGHTER
25:00It's true.
25:01Harriet did take desperate measures when she lost her tent.
25:06It's Tim.
25:09Aside from Mr McKee, who taught PE, three other teachers at my school taught subjects that rhymed with their surnames.
25:17LAUGHTER
25:18David's team.
25:20OK.
25:20So, Mr McKee taught PE.
25:22Yes.
25:23Who else?
25:23Uh, Mr...
25:24LAUGHTER
25:25LAUGHTER
25:26Hang on.
25:27I'm having a coffee...
25:28I'm genuinely having a coffee fit.
25:30LAUGHTER
25:32Mr Kaffs...
25:32Can't wait, are you ready?
25:35OK, I'm back now, thank you.
25:36Carry on, Tim.
25:38Mr Kaffs...
25:39Oh, good God.
25:41LAUGHTER
25:42Good God.
25:44If you say Mr Meography...
25:47LAUGHTER
25:48LAUGHTER
25:50Mr Kaffs...
25:51Mr Miss Island Technology.
25:54LAUGHTER
25:57Mr Kaffs...
25:58K...
25:58K-A-T-H...
26:02Mr Kaffs...
26:03Yeah.
26:04And Mr Hench.
26:05French.
26:06Mr Hench, Mr Kaffs, and who else?
26:08It was a little bit tenuous, the third one, but it was a bit of a joke amongst us.
26:12So, it was Mr Hort taught sport.
26:15You've got PE in sports?
26:17Yeah, yeah, that's right, yeah.
26:18Well, PE was something that happened in lesson time, and then sports was something that we did, obviously...
26:22What did Mr Hort teach?
26:24It might have been what was called, loosely, then, science, so it would have been...
26:27Surely that was Mr Bryant's.
26:29No.
26:31Do you have any at your school, Lee, who's...?
26:33Er, just the headmaster, Mr Moorstall.
26:37LAUGHTER
26:41Well, what do you think, er, Judy?
26:44I don't know, he's always got this face that makes you feel like he's telling the truth.
26:49Like, just the most simplest things, where you'd be like...
26:52He's got a simple face, I agree.
26:54LAUGHTER
26:55What we've got to imagine, it's not true, and what Tim has had to do is turn over the card
27:00and,
27:02quickly-ish, make up three rhyming names of teachers.
27:06Do we believe he could have come up with that?
27:09Yes, yes.
27:09He's a very quick person.
27:11He's a very quick person.
27:12Yeah, he's a very quick person.
27:12What would you have come up with?
27:13Give me four teachers whose names at your school rhymed with subject.
27:17Go.
27:17Mr Starmer.
27:18He teaches drama.
27:19He did drama.
27:20Mrs Panish.
27:21Oh, yeah.
27:22Mr...
27:24Mr Bleak, taught Greek.
27:26Mr Gratin, taught Latin.
27:29Yeah.
27:30LAUGHTER
27:31This is fun, isn't it?
27:33Yeah, let's just do this.
27:34Yeah, yeah.
27:36So what's it going to be, David?
27:38Oh, just one more question.
27:39Tim, can you name a teacher whose name didn't rhyme with the subject they taught?
27:44Er, yeah.
27:45Mr Schwartz.
27:47And he was...
27:48He could have done sports.
27:50No, Schw...
27:51Do you know we'd have taken Schwartz and sports?
27:55Come on, it's time to decide.
27:57Lie.
27:57Lie.
27:58LAUGHTER
27:59All right, Tim.
28:01They think it's a lie.
28:02Was it or was that the truth?
28:03Er, it was actually...
28:05A lie.
28:06APPLAUSE
28:09It's a lie.
28:11They were not the names of Tim's teachers.
28:14APPLAUSE
28:14Well, that's all we have time for on this special edition of Would I Lie To You.
28:19Thanks very much for watching.
28:20Good night.
28:26Topical Friday night comedy to laugh at. The Naked Week. An alternative look at the news on sounds. And for
28:33more than just the little monsters fandom, Lady Gaga. Inside the chaos, new on BBC Two, kicking off music night
28:40now. Casualty is on the way here next.
28:43Quite.
Comments