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00:02What a hell's on!
00:04Thank you for letting us be ourselves
00:06So don't mind me if I repeat myself
00:08These simple lines be good for your health
00:11Keep them trying rhymes on the shelf
00:13Live my life like you just don't care
00:16Life that I believe is never scared
00:18Rain and noise is the moment they fear
00:20Get up, sit up here for my dear
00:22Get up, throw your hands in the air
00:25Get up, and show me
00:37Roses are red, violence are blue, we've got one leg
00:40Most people have two
00:41It's Friday, we're live, and it's time for the last leg
00:46Tonight on the show, we ask whether Keir Starmer's losing support
00:50Find out if this football fan's hopes went boom or bust
00:53And we'll see who went arse over tit at the Winter Olympics
00:57Plus we'll be joined by actor Brian Cox and comedian Flo and Joan
01:02On the show that always keeps abreast of the news
01:14G'day, I'm Adam Hills
01:16Welcome to The Last Leg, the show that's been colonised by this immigrant
01:20With me, got nothing, got nothing
01:22With me as always in the pride of Dartmoor, Josh Whittacombe
01:25And the man who thought bad bunny was something you find in your wife's bedside drawer
01:28Alex Brooker
01:34That's a level
01:37Loads of news to get through this week
01:38But I want to start by showing you a photo I took on the tube during the week
01:42Oh, you're still making the most of your freedom pass, are you, pal?
01:48So, I was on the tube on the way home from the football Wednesday night
01:51Tuesday night, sorry
01:52And I took a photo of this because I thought, it's a Visit America Today ad
01:57And I thought, this is an interesting time to advertise trips to America
02:02But then I looked more closely
02:04Zoom in
02:05The first shot on the left is a mocked-up picture of Donald Trump with Jeffrey Epstein
02:10The second is a picture of people wearing MAGA hats, Nazi necklaces and carrying burning crosses
02:15The third was a school kid with an automatic weapon
02:18And the last one was a child being taken away by ice
02:22And what amazed me was that no-one else on the tube noticed that
02:26I saw this actually, I booked a holiday, was that not real?
02:31I just thought, I'd get to be taken away by ice, it'll be really fun
02:35A lot of pressure though, isn't it?
02:36Visit America Today, that's a big, that's a big old journey
02:40What I noticed of it, is it by, is it, I keep saying, is it wankers of the world
02:45Wankers of the world.com
02:46Every time I read wankers of the world in my head I just go, spice up your life
02:52The hard part was, I was then sitting there and I thought, I need to take a photo of this
02:57But then I had to do it without looking like I was taking a photo of the people sitting underneath
03:01it
03:01So I feel like this is a pre-emptive excuse for your court case
03:04It was an awkward moment as I was kind of like trying to angle the phone up
03:10I've done that before with an advert and you stand up
03:12Because then it's just not weird
03:13Oh, okay
03:14I've had people, I had someone who I didn't realise was taking a photo of me across the tube before
03:20Yeah
03:20She looked like she was on her phone and then it flashed
03:24And then she went, oh, I don't know what happened there
03:27Have you ever heard it when someone's like, they've gone, they've come up to you and asked for a photo
03:31But when they open their phone to the camera, it's on Google with your name on it
03:37I'm just there going
03:39I'm sure it's in, it could be another geezer with the hands
03:43I had one where someone came up to me and I could see their phone and they'd Googled the words
03:49ginger comedian
03:54All right, we are live as always
03:56So send us any questions you want to ask us about the news
03:59Instagram, the hashtags, is it okay
04:01WhatsApp, the number is 07956 175908
04:04Or you can scan the QR code on your screen
04:06For example, you might remember this guy from our New Year's Eve show
04:10Frank Eilert
04:11Now, Frank said he wasn't going to cut his hair until Manchester United won five games in a row
04:17On Tuesday, they played West Ham, having won four in a row
04:20And the next morning, Frank looked like this
04:25Because they drew
04:27And that photo itself throws up a lot of questions
04:30The first is, are men okay?
04:33The second is, what drain unblocker is he using?
04:36The third is, how low is the bar for positive stories about football fans right now?
04:40Because that was big news this week
04:41It is, but I don't think you can underestimate
04:45In this country, just how much we enjoy someone else's misfortune
04:51Because that game on Tuesday, obviously it's like
04:53The whole story about it is in the actual matches up
04:55West Ham got another point as they're trying to get out the relegation zone
04:58Man United can complete another one of their unbeaten run under Michael Carrick
05:02They're the stories, but all everyone was going, watching it is going
05:04God, I hope that geezer can't cut his hair tomorrow
05:08You know what, look, I'm a Plymouth fan, right?
05:10I had a, thank you
05:12One more than I expected
05:15I had a look when we last won five games in a row
05:19Yeah
05:19And it was Christmas 2003
05:25So if Frank Islet goes under one of those runs, he won't cut his hair until 2048
05:31And it was the most positive news for Manchester United this week
05:34Because one of the owners of the club made a statement of a different kind
05:37The billionaire Sir Jim Ratcliffe, if you haven't seen this, said in an interview
05:40That the UK had been, quote, colonised by immigrants
05:44Lib Dem leader Sir Ed Davey criticised him, Nigel Farage agreed with him
05:47And Downing Street breathed a sigh of relief
05:50Now we'll get to that in a sec
05:51But first, what did we think of Sir Jim's comments?
05:53I don't know, I mean
05:55Does anyone else think that we just need to stop giving knightheads to people called Jim?
06:08I mean, look, it's not as bad as last time, but this ain't great
06:15By the way, this is what the Man United team would have looked like on Tuesday night
06:18With only British-born players
06:21And this is what the team would have looked like with no children of immigrants
06:26To be fair to Luke Shaw, he's good
06:28He gets up and down
06:31Ratcliffe also criticised the number of people on benefits in the UK
06:34He sacked the dinner ladies when he took over Man U
06:37You're putting them on benefits, you fucking idiot
06:40Also, the man who's talking about all this is
06:42He was only on a podcast and he was asked to be his favourite all-time Man United 11
06:48Imagine how unhappy and angry he'd be if he didn't have 17 billion pounds
06:54He is the living proof that money doesn't make you happy
06:58He also said the population has gone from 58 million in 2020 to 70 million this year
07:03But that I'm afraid is...
07:04Bullshit!
07:05The population in 2020 was 67 million just over
07:09Which means we've only increased by like less than 3 million
07:11I think somewhere now there's a Man United fan who's saying they're not going to cut their hair again until
07:16Jim Ratcliffe stops being an uninformed jerk
07:20The irony is that in 2020, Ratcliffe officially changed his tax domicile to Monaco
07:27Which means that according to UK fact-check politics in 2025 Jim Ratcliffe paid no income tax whatsoever
07:35Right, okay
07:38Now, there's lots of opinions on this but according to UK fact-check politics
07:44In the same year immigrants paid approximately 140 billion pounds
07:57Immigrants we get the tax done
08:07And by the way the tax Jim Ratcliffe should have paid 4 billion pounds approximately
08:13He has since said I'm sorry that my choice of language has offended some people in the UK and Europe
08:17I'm gonna call it, I don't think he means that apology
08:22By some people does he mean anyone who's not a wanker
08:26One question being asked this week is why Sir Jim was even talking about immigration in the first place
08:29Well turns out he recently met with Nigel Farage
08:32Worst blunt rotation ever
08:34But it does make you wonder what policies might reform be planning that would appeal to a billionaire
08:39Meanwhile Farage also spouted a whole bunch of figures this week that were patently untrue
08:44Firstly, he said a million people in the UK can't speak English
08:48Bullshit
08:49According to the Office for National Statistics that number is 161,000
08:54He then said 4 million people speak bad English
08:57Bullshit
08:58Less than a quarter of what he said
09:00He also said there are tube signs popping up in foreign languages all over London
09:04No, the truth is there are two places with permanent station names in a foreign language
09:08One's been up since the mid 90s
09:10The other one was put up to commemorate the local community
09:12So the insinuation that multiple tube signs are being erected in foreign languages is
09:17A turd the size of Disneyland Paris
09:22Farage also recently suggested Turkish barbershops were fronts for money laundering and drug running
09:26One establishment in Glasgow responded by putting up these hilarious photos of Farage
09:31With different haircuts in their window in response
09:33There's floppy Farage
09:36Razor Farage
09:37And bum part Farage
09:40I genuinely had that haircut at secondary school
09:44Really? Yeah
09:45Yeah
09:46But I didn't have the same views as him at secondary school
09:48When you see all three
09:49Oh yeah, go
09:50I just think that that haircut
09:52The curtains one
09:53He's never
09:54He's never
09:54Because that looks like the sort of products you'd have to use
09:56And it's like
09:58Tresemme
09:58L'Oreal
09:59Timote
09:59He doesn't want to lie near you coffers
10:02He wants to wash that with Carlin
10:03I mean all three of them together look like members of a boy band
10:07But a boy band that's currently being investigated
10:11If you're wondering what Nigel Farage's boy band would be called
10:14My guess is it'd be Islam is ruining the Westlife
10:18Well either that or NSYNC the boats
10:21Now as we mentioned earlier
10:22Keir Starmer jumped at the chance to criticise the Jim Ratcliffe
10:25And after the week he's had
10:26Why not?
10:27Owen said
10:27Is it okay that everyone including the Labour Party
10:29Admits that Keir Starmer is leaning over a precipice
10:31And everyone is behind him
10:33Yeah
10:34It's not been a great week for the Prime Minister
10:36In fact it's been a
10:38Starmer Llama Ding Dong
10:40On Sunday
10:41Starmer's closest advisor Morgan McSweeney
10:43Was forced to resign
10:44After taking some of the blame
10:45For Peter Mandelson's appointment as US ambassador
10:47Who by the way
10:48Has now been asked to go to the US
10:50To testify in the Epstein case
10:51This was a huge blow for McSweeney
10:53Because he's the guy who
10:54Masterminded Starmer's leadership
10:56And helped him win the election
10:57It's got to be tough to create someone
11:00Be entirely responsible for their success
11:02Then see them turn against you
11:03Am I right Victoria Beckham?
11:09Meanwhile Starmer's director of communications
11:10Left number 10 this week
11:11And overnight his cabinet secretary Chris Wormald
11:14Was also removed
11:15His team currently has more missing pieces
11:17Than me and Alex
11:20I just
11:20The figure figure
11:22Obviously like
11:22Morgan McSweeney's kind of
11:23He's resigned
11:24Because Keir Starmer's like
11:25Well he's advised
11:26They advised me
11:27Yeah
11:27To appoint Peter Mandelson
11:28But I just
11:29I think when you're prime minister
11:31You can't really use the excuse
11:33But he told me to do it
11:34You know what I mean
11:35No one's going to
11:36Well would Morgan McSweeney
11:37Jump off a cliff
11:38Would you Keir?
11:39I just
11:39I totally agree
11:40No exactly
11:41I was going to say
11:43For example
11:44It's the same as like
11:45If I shit myself
11:47Here now
11:48And Josh had to resign
11:51I mean
11:51I'd be delighted to leave
11:56On Monday
11:57The Scottish Labour leader
11:58Anna Asawa
11:59Called for the prime minister to step down
12:01Starmer apparently managed to persuade members of his party
12:04To rally around him
12:05And show their support
12:06One MP said it was a quote
12:08Tweet or we'll have your fingers moment
12:11Why are you looking at me?
12:13Oh look
12:14I can say
12:15The whole
12:15I regret getting work experience with the Labour party
12:19On Monday night
12:20On Monday night
12:23Starmer gathered a group of MPs together
12:25And gave a speech that was described as so rousing
12:26It led to a standing ovation
12:28He was quoted as saying
12:29This is Keir Starmer
12:30I've won every fight I've been in
12:32And then added
12:33As long as I have breath in my body
12:35I'll be in that fight
12:36On behalf of the country that I love and believe in
12:39Oh my word
12:39I know
12:40Move over Jacob Elordi
12:41There's a new Heathcliff in town
12:43Apparently Keir Starmer is quite inspiring behind closed doors
12:47People who know him say he's charismatic
12:49He's forceful, he's passionate
12:50So when are we going to see that happen in front of some open doors?
12:54Why is the country's best kept secret that the Prime Minister has a personality?
12:58I've done
12:59Very rare in life do you have someone go
13:01By the way, you know the way that you act behind closed doors?
13:04You should do that in public
13:09Keir Starmer going
13:10Oh yeah, you what?
13:11The party trick when I win?
13:12No, no, no, no
13:13The inspirational speaks
13:15Some people said this week the only thing that saved Keir Starmer was that no one was ready to take
13:19over
13:20While Angela Rayner is still on hold to HMRC
13:22The Guardian said that a website that seemed to be for Angela Rayner's leadership campaign
13:27Briefly went live in January
13:29We're assuming the tagline was when the country's in a bad situation ask for Angela
13:34Meanwhile
13:37Yeah, just the women laughing at that
13:40Meanwhile I don't get it
13:42Meanwhile it's alleged that someone from within Labour was briefing against the Prime Minister this week
13:47One insider said this is a quote we know who it is and it rhymes with Les Weeting
13:54It's like one of those radio quizzes with a really easy question
13:59Wes Reading also made his text messages with Peter Mandelson public to prove they weren't close friends
14:03But that doesn't
14:04Like basically what he it was a load of like boring text messages shows
14:08And basically what he was going is see we're not mates
14:10I didn't even put a kiss on the end of that
14:13Imagine if someone published your text messages to prove that you weren't friends with them
14:19That is hard
14:20If Brooker published my text messages and went see no chemistry
14:25Yeah
14:29So to sum up the Prime Minister has had one of the roughest weeks of his political career
14:33Now to bring that bad week to life
14:35Would you please welcome our Keir Starmer look-alike DJ Starmer
14:50It's been a while
14:51It has yeah
14:52Were you worried this week that you might be out of a job?
14:55Well I'm doing better than Starmer in life
14:57But basically worried about my look-alike career going down the pan
15:00Because thanks to Starmer but
15:01I mean the way it's going this might be the last time we see you on the show
15:04It could well be
15:05So with that in mind can you please put your goggles on?
15:07I will
15:08Yeah
15:09Well correct mate
15:10You boys ready?
15:11Yeah
15:11Okay we got them from your dad who's a tool maker by the way
15:14Thanks Dad
15:15So let's sum up Keir Starmer's week
15:18Keir Starmer came to power on top of a red wall but right now he's a little on edge
15:23Can you move back to the edge?
15:25Right on the edge
15:25Right
15:26That's it perfect
15:28Recently though he's had to face a lot of political mudslinging
15:30Oh
15:31Oh
15:32Oh
15:33I didn't mean to let go
15:35I didn't mean
15:35It slipped out of my hand
15:37I'm so sorry
15:43Jesus
15:45It slipped
15:46When have you ever been too strong for this show?
15:51I've been working out
15:52Oh God
15:54Use the spoon
15:55Fling the mud mate
15:56Let's move on from the mud
15:58Okay
15:59That was the worst thing that's ever happened to me
16:03The leader of the Scottish party however left him hung out to dry
16:09Go go keep flinging mud
16:10The Prime Minister saw off the challenge but it still left him with egg on his face
16:14Egg on his face
16:22The Labour party have now spent the week putting out fires all around Keir Starmer
16:32But it's inevitable that he's going to get caught in the middle
16:35All of which leaves the Prime Minister in a very sticky situation
16:40Sticky situation
16:44Because if he's not careful he's either going to have to fall on his sword
16:48Or he's going to get pushed over the precipice
17:02One thing we know about Keir Starmer though
17:04He won't go easy
17:06Because according to him
17:07He's won every fight he's ever been in
17:18Oh sweet Jesus
17:21Fucking hell
17:23Alright
17:23It's time to introduce tonight's guest
17:26He was brilliant on succession
17:27They're amazing on percussion
17:28Please welcome actor Brian Cox
17:30And musical comedy duo
17:31Flo and Jones
17:37You're right
17:38It's insane
17:41Welcome
17:41Welcome
17:43Welcome
17:44Welcome
17:46Have a seat
17:46Have a seat
17:47Have a seat
17:49Have a seat
17:49Have a seat
17:55Alright welcome to you all
17:57Brian let's start with you
17:58What have you made of Labour's week?
18:01Jesus Christ
18:02Where did that begin?
18:04I mean there used to be a thing called socialism
18:06Mm-hmm
18:07And it seems to be missing from the Labour Party
18:10And I think somebody should reinvent it
18:13I think
18:14I've got a few ideas about who should reinvent it
18:16But of course none of them are part of the party
18:18In fact the guy I think who should be doing it
18:21Was not allowed to stand for some ordinary reason
18:24Yeah
18:24In the recent by-election
18:26Which I thought was rather disgraceful
18:28Because he's done a fantastic job in Manchester
18:31And that's Andy Burnham
18:33A bit of
18:34Yeah
18:36I think
18:37You know he to me is the sort of leader in waiting
18:40As far as I'm concerned
18:42And what about you guys?
18:43What did you think of Labour's week?
18:46What Brian said
18:50Are we gonna have this all evening?
18:54That's what you're saying
18:54Please don't agree with me
18:56Look there is now a list of names being put forward
18:58As possible replacements for Keir Starmer
19:00So Brian the last time you were on
19:02You were very forthright in giving your opinion
19:04So I'm gonna hold them up
19:06And I just want a one word appraisal of each of them
19:08If you don't mind
19:09Firstly Angela Rayner
19:11I actually quite like Angela Rayner
19:13One word, one word, it's gotta be one word
19:15Oh, fine
19:17Wes Streeting
19:18Uh
19:20That's a word
19:21That can be a word
19:22Lucy Powell
19:23No
19:25When she's got the noises
19:27John Healey
19:28I don't know
19:30Oh sorry
19:31I
19:31No, don't know
19:33Uh, don't
19:33Ed Miliband
19:36Dear
19:36Dear
19:37Dear
19:37Okay
19:38And finally Al Karns
19:41It sounds like a singer
19:45Hello, this is Al Karns singing the afternoon away
19:48I kind of feel like quoting Smokey with this one
19:50And saying Al Karns, who the fuck is Al Karns?
19:53Um, Angela Rayner gave a speech by the way this week
19:55In which she called on the government to establish
19:57What some are calling a minister for nightlife
20:00Now we're talking
20:02I'm gonna be honest, this has been slow going tonight
20:04This has been a lot of heavy politics
20:06As soon as I said minister for nightlife
20:08Your eyes lit up
20:09Yeah, it was one job in parliament I'd want
20:12I've had it on a stag do t-shirt before
20:15I'd love that
20:15The one geezer in the cabinet meeting
20:17Who's asleep?
20:19And McDonald's arrives at PMQs at midday
20:22For the minister for nightlife
20:23The minister for nightlife has been petitioning the chancellor
20:26To take off that from Paracetamon Lucas
20:28I think it's fine
20:30And look, there are some genuine concerns about the prime minister
20:33And we're gonna ask you guys, Flo and Joan
20:35If you would just head over and prepare yourselves
20:36Because we've got something that we think might help
20:38There are genuine concerns about how the prime minister is dealing with all this
20:41Some MPs are saying he's not sleeping
20:44A few have said they've noticed him online in the early hours
20:48Classic minister for nightlife
20:51He's up doing all his rousing speeches, isn't he?
20:54His missus is like, it's fucking four o'clock, you prick
20:56Go to sleep
20:58So maybe what the prime minister needs is a little relaxation therapy
21:02Take it away, Flo and Joan
21:06Hands where I can see him
21:10Lay back, close your eyes and relax
21:13Feel the stress leaving your body
21:16Breathe in
21:18And as you excel, don't worry that the national debt is 2.8 trillion
21:23Forget that you knowingly appointed a sex trafficking pedo's friend as a US ambassador
21:28Let go of the fact Andy Burnham wants your job
21:32And Angela Rayner wants your job
21:35And Wes Streeting wants your job
21:38Remember, you've united the country
21:40Because they all want you to resign
21:44Visualise yourself on a beach
21:46Where you don't need binoculars to see how far Nigel Farage is ahead in the polls
21:51And let go of being less popular than treading in dog shit barefoot
21:56Oh, and by the way
21:58The national debt is now 3.1 trillion
22:02So relax
22:05Now, fuck off and sleep
22:16We'll have more last week for you after the break
22:18As Britain gets wet, wet, wet
22:19And the Winter Olympics get snowed under
22:21We'll see you in a little bit
22:37Welcome back to The Last Leg
22:39We're joined by Brian Cox and Flo and Joan
22:42Ross said
22:43Is it okay it's not stopped raining all year?
22:45Yeah, the Met Office confirmed this week
22:46It's rained somewhere across the UK
22:48Every single day of 2026
22:50I tell you what though
22:52I'm glad our legs aren't made of wood these days
22:54Because we'd have had a stinker with it
22:57It's rained, I live in Devon
22:59It's rained every single day
23:01Yep
23:01In Devon
23:02In the whole year
23:04Yes, that's what I just said
23:05I know
23:06But how?
23:07Didn't you just say that?
23:09I just didn't
23:09No, he said
23:11I don't have listened to you
23:11No, you said
23:13Somewhere in the UK
23:14Oh, you're saying
23:15But I'm just saying the same place
23:16Or just wherever I am
23:17I'm the guy from the Travis song
23:18That's who I am
23:19Right
23:21What do you
23:22It always rains from him
23:24That guy
23:24Oh
23:25I didn't
23:26You don't need to turn round to him
23:28Er
23:31Rosie, Nicola
23:32How do you guys feel about all of this?
23:33I mean it's a terrible start to the year
23:34For the Wicked Witch community, isn't it?
23:38LAUGHTER
23:39To check out Suella Braverman or someone, I think
23:42Residents of Aberdeen saw the sun yesterday
23:44For the first time since January the 21st
23:481979
23:49LAUGHTER
23:50They're pumped
23:51And why do you think it's so wet, Alex?
23:54Well, I mean, I think it's twofold actually, Adam
23:57I think, well the first reason is
23:59There's actually at the moment
24:00There's a powerful jet stream
24:01That's going through the Atlantic
24:04And it's actually sitting more southerly
24:06Than what it normally would
24:07So it's acting like a conveyor belt
24:09Propelling low pressure systems towards us
24:12Rather than above us
24:13But what's compounding that
24:14And this is why we've had so much bad weather stuck here
24:16Is that in North East Europe
24:18There's a massive area of high pressure
24:21Which is stopping all the low pressure weather systems
24:23Passing up through the north of England
24:26And into Scandinavia as they normally would
24:28So basically what they are
24:29Is they're just stuck where they are
24:31And that's why we've seen such inclement weather
24:33Over the course of the year
24:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
24:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
24:43That's total bollocks
24:45LAUGHTER
24:47I always wanted to be a weatherman
24:50But no-one ever knew where on the map I was pointing
24:53Well, thank God you weren't
24:53I always wanted to be a weatherman
24:55But nobody knew where on the map I was pointing
24:57So I had to be
24:59Going to...
25:00Going to...
25:01You were just in Australia recently
25:03Yes
25:04As was I
25:05Yes, yes
25:06And people have been saying to you
25:07Don't you wish you were still in Australia at the moment
25:08But were you there when it was incredibly hot?
25:10Oh, it's fantastic
25:12LAUGHTER
25:13It was really great
25:14I mean, the thing was though
25:16Shall I tell you about the incident this evening?
25:19Oh, yes
25:19What happened to me?
25:21So I got...
25:22I've been...
25:24I took so many days to come here from Australia
25:27It's a long way away
25:28And it took me...
25:30I flew 16 hours from Brisbane to Singapore
25:34I had a seven hour wait in Singapore for a connection to London
25:38Oh
25:38And that was another so many hundreds of hours
25:41So today I sat down ready to do this show
25:46Of an evening in my apartment
25:48And I fell asleep
25:50And I woke up
25:52There was bells ringing and doors hammering and everything
25:55And I woke up
25:56And I thought it was Sunday morning
25:58And I thought, why are they calling me at quarter to eight on a Sunday morning?
26:03And I realised that I was supposed to come here
26:06LAUGHTER
26:10And the driver said, well, it's not my job to tell you when you're supposed to come
26:13I said, well, I'm sorry, but I've been somewhat jet-lagged by what's going on
26:17Understood
26:17Do you know what though?
26:19The day after I left Australia it was 45 degrees in Melbourne
26:22I know
26:23Which I don't think...
26:24And this is what global warming looks like
26:25It's massively hot days and loads and loads of rain
26:28And then there's a load of people who kind of wonder how global warming can also make the planet wetter
26:32So, I'm going to explain this really simply
26:35As the planet warms up, more water evaporates
26:38That water forms clouds, which then comes down as more rain
26:41So as the planet gets hotter, the wet parts get wetter
26:43And the dry parts get drier
26:44Much like when you get older
26:46LAUGHTER
26:48That's brilliantly logical
26:50LAUGHTER
26:50Thank you very much
26:52See, he didn't like you, he's on my side
26:54LAUGHTER
26:55All right, let's get into royal news
26:57That's not how hosting works
26:59LAUGHTER
26:59Let's get into...
27:01Imagine if that happened on Graham Norton
27:03I don't think he likes you, he likes me
27:05LAUGHTER
27:05I thought we were getting the Brian Cox that likes science
27:10LAUGHTER
27:12Well, lucky you that you didn't
27:14LAUGHTER
27:16Let's get into royal news now
27:17The Sun claimed this week that the Andrew, formerly known as Prince
27:20Was loaned £12 million by his parents and brother
27:24To pay off the woman who accused him of sexual assault, Virginia Giffray
27:27The King has denied he contributed
27:29But it does appear
27:30Seven million was lent to Andrew by the Queen
27:32Another three million came from Prince Philip
27:34Jeez, they can't...
27:36I tell you what though, that's your birthday and Christmas hush money put together
27:38That is...
27:39LAUGHTER
27:39Three million pound coins taped into a birthday card
27:42LAUGHTER
27:44Meanwhile, The King was heckled about Andrew this week
27:46During a royal visit to Clitheroe Railway Station
27:49It led to a very enthusiastic translation from a BSL interpreter
27:54Princess of Wales are in Saudi-Irania
27:56The King is meeting the public in Lancashire
27:58How long have you known about Andrew and Edward?
28:02LAUGHTER
28:02The affair continues to pass a crown over official engagements
28:06Thank you for coming
28:07To be fair, it is hard to sign his name now
28:10Because you have to sign Andrew Mountbatten hyphen Windsor
28:14LAUGHTER
28:14Um, yes
28:15Otherwise it would have been easy for me
28:17LAUGHTER
28:18Hey, um, Winter Olympics news
28:21Oh!
28:22Good news for Team GV
28:23Just over an hour ago, Matt Weston competed in the skeleton
28:26I don't know if everyone in the audience knows
28:28Took out gold
28:29Hooray!
28:32APPLAUSE
28:37Uh, congratulations, Matt
28:39Unfortunately we can't show you the footage
28:41Because we don't have the rights
28:42Um, so instead we're going to show you this tense footage
28:44Of Snoop Dogg on a sledge
28:46LAUGHTER
28:46Like that
28:48Just like that?
28:48Yeah
28:49You can even make gestures into it if you want
28:53Like that?
28:58Oh, s***
28:59Oh, s***
29:00Oh, s***
29:04Oh, s***
29:09S***
29:10That is great
29:11LAUGHTER
29:12That is the Winter Olympics
29:14Rappers doing sledging
29:16Yeah
29:17Just rappers playing in the snow
29:18LL Cool J
29:19Pissing his name in the snow
29:20That's what I want to see
29:21I love watching videos of dogs playing in the snow as well
29:24LAUGHTER
29:26Favourite content
29:27Normally the dogs are in front of the sledge though
29:29Yeah, not being kicked down the hill
29:31Um, Brian, have you been watching the games?
29:33No
29:35LAUGHTER
29:40I've been in fucking Australia
29:42I've got to be mad
29:43LAUGHTER
29:43I'm so sorry
29:44He's been in mid-air for four days
29:47LAUGHTER
29:48And GB still have a few chances for gold in the sport everyone loves for two weeks
29:51Then forgets about for four years curling
29:53Oh, yes
29:54I love curling
29:55Like is it...
29:56I get so excited when I realise curling's coming back again
29:59I love it
29:59Even the preparations for the event look cool
30:01One worker was filmed in this incredible clip this week
30:04Preparing the ice with the backing of some very appropriate music
30:18We showed that clip earlier today, before the show
30:22And one of our camera people over here, Mike
30:24Not the other Mike, the other Mike
30:26LAUGHTER
30:27It's his brother
30:28That was his brother in that clip
30:31Look, the thing about curling though, it's very hard to do at home
30:38Although these people, seen in this delightful footage
30:40Found a very inventive way to play with saucepans
30:44Cool bad boys, bad boys
30:46Whatcha gonna do?
30:47Or whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
30:50Bad boys, bad boys
30:51Whatcha gonna do?
30:53That, of course, gave us an idea to do this
30:58APPLAUSE
31:01APPLAUSE
31:08We've got a target, we've got some saucepans
31:10We're gonna try and push them along the ground
31:11I just realised, when I saw you before the show
31:14Yeah
31:14In the stairwell
31:15You said, I love this show
31:17Because it's fucking insane
31:21And we're now about to...
31:22By the way, this isn't jet lag
31:23You are really about to make it
31:25LAUGHTER
31:27Do I do it with my foot?
31:29Well, we're gonna get Josh to clean the way
31:30Clean the bathroom
31:31Oh, do you want me to clean the way?
31:32Yeah, clean the way, as the guy in the clip
31:34OK, hit the music!
31:37CHEERING
31:44All clear!
31:45All right
31:48Yeah, Brian, do you wanna go first?
31:49You can use your foot or you can use your hand
31:51Whatever you'd rather
31:51It needs a hefty go, by the way
31:54Oh!
31:56Oh, let it...
31:57Forgive me, can I do that again, please?
31:59Yes, cos I'm scared of you
32:04I was told...
32:05Oh, there is felt
32:06OK
32:11Ooh!
32:13Would you prefer your first option?
32:17Good luck, girls
32:18Thank you, that felt sarcastic, Brian
32:21LAUGHTER
32:24Ooh!
32:26Ooh!
32:27Ooh!
32:28One break!
32:28All right
32:28I'm gonna...
32:29I'm gonna get down on my knee for this
32:32I think this is the way to do it
32:33Ready?
32:35Ooh!
32:36Ooh!
32:38Ooh!
32:40You caught on the scoring thing
32:42OK
32:42Can I go anywhere?
32:44Yeah, go on
32:44Cos I wanna...
32:45OK
32:46Are you gonna...
32:48Ooh!
32:50Ooh!
32:50You're leading!
32:55This is great!
32:56Go on again
32:57Yes, you may
32:58Please do
32:58HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE
33:08HE HE HE HE HE HE HE
33:08Yeah, it's hard to argue with that.
33:09This would be incredible.
33:17The winner is...
33:18Yellow team!
33:23We'll have more last week for you after the break
33:25as we get ready for Valentine's Day
33:26and we reveal this week's mystery guest.
33:28We'll see you in a little bit.
33:45Welcome back to The Last Week.
33:46We're joined by Brian Cox and Flo and Joan.
33:48Look, it's Valentine's Day tomorrow,
33:50so we thought we'd check everyone's got their presents sorted.
33:52I was going to cook a romantic meal,
33:53but you guys just fucked up my saucepans.
33:58You both discovered you have a weird
34:02Valentine's coincidence this afternoon.
34:04Yes, we both ended up in the same bed together.
34:08Um, yeah, so Alex was telling me
34:10about his most depressing Valentine's Day ever.
34:13Well, I enjoyed it.
34:14So, in 2007, Arsenal had Bolton away in an FA Cup replay.
34:19And I thought it would be...
34:20I wanted to go and it was Valentine's Day,
34:22so I took my ex along with me.
34:24Your then?
34:25She was my then girlfriend.
34:27Yeah.
34:27And I took her along with me to the Reebok arena,
34:30as it was then, to watch Bolton-Arsenal.
34:32We weren't together the following Valentine's Day.
34:36And I was like, no way.
34:38The most depressing Valentine's Day I ever had
34:41was 2007, where I stayed at home on my own
34:44and watched Arsenal v Bolton.
34:51Rosie, Nicola, fans of, um, Valentine's Day?
34:53I mean, I don't really have a lot of success with it
34:55because I'm, uh, I'm very short
34:58and I find that people sort of don't really
34:59approach me or hit on me very much
35:01if I'm, like, in bars or anything
35:02because I think they're sort of scared
35:04that I'm, um, maybe a child
35:05that's been planted by the police
35:06to catch paedophiles.
35:12Especially now, it's got worse, actually,
35:14in the last few months.
35:15So, uh...
35:16It's not very nice.
35:17It means that you then have to go
35:18and, like, approach the person
35:19and it's not very sexy
35:20to sort of tug on the bottom of someone's coat
35:22and be like, please, can I buy you a drink?
35:24Like, it's not, uh, it's not for me.
35:25We are spending Valentine's Day
35:27next to our sister on a couch
35:29surrounded by men.
35:31And we all know how that porn video ends.
35:39This is going to be a good year.
35:41I can feed it.
35:41Yeah.
35:42Now, Brian, one of our producers
35:44spoke to you during the week
35:45and asked you your thoughts on Valentine's Day.
35:47Can you remember what you said?
35:48I can't remember
35:48because I've just come back from Australia.
35:51Your answer was so poetic.
35:53Alex loved it and had it put on a card.
35:55What did I say?
35:56So, you actually said,
35:58I have nothing to offer about Valentine's Day.
36:01Absolutely fuck all.
36:09Which I think is, uh...
36:11I just think this would be the best-selling Valentine's card
36:13of all time
36:14and I haven't got one yet.
36:16Well, I'll tell you an interesting fact
36:17about Valentine's,
36:18which is, a lot of people don't know,
36:19but there was a card company in Dundee
36:22that my aunt worked for called Valentine's
36:26and they started the Valentine cards.
36:28No!
36:29So, it started up where there
36:30and they started this idea
36:32of sending out these cards on Valentine's Day
36:35because they thought we were called Valentine.
36:36Let's send the Valentine cards.
36:37And now you're profiting from it.
36:39Exactly.
36:40Well, he ain't because I'm having this one.
36:43Other people profiting from it this week.
36:44Well, kind of profiting.
36:45The Old Triggum branch of the RSPCA
36:47are running their own Valentine's Day promotion
36:49to raise money to neuter stray cats.
36:51For a small donation,
36:53you can name a stray cat after your ex
36:55and they'll neuter it.
37:00There's an Alex that's been neutered?
37:03That's for Bolton versus Arsenal.
37:06For what it's worth,
37:07we tried to name one Wes Streeting
37:08just for Keir Starmer,
37:10but contacted them
37:11and they said Keir Starmer
37:12beat us to it.
37:14Do you get to keep the balls?
37:18I'll take my arms are off here.
37:20All right, it's time to bring on
37:21this week's mystery guest.
37:22Brian, Flo, Joan,
37:24have to work out...
37:25Well, Rosie, Nicola.
37:26Oh, whatever.
37:27French and Saunders,
37:27Mitchell and Webb,
37:28we don't care.
37:30We have to work out
37:31how this person is related to the news.
37:33Can we have the mystery guest, please?
37:38Mystery guest.
37:48Josh, Alex,
37:49who is the mystery guest?
37:50This is Kobe
37:51and he is eight.
37:53The one on the left.
37:55Why has he been in the news this week?
37:58Can we have the dramatic
37:59lighting change, please?
38:02Is it because
38:03after being selected to represent
38:05Europe at an international pool competition,
38:07he will be the youngest ever
38:09disabled player
38:09to take part
38:10at an international level?
38:12Is it B,
38:13after being hired by Radio 1
38:14for the early breakfast slot,
38:16he became Britain's youngest ever DJ?
38:18or is it C,
38:20after setting up an account
38:21dealing in rare legami pens,
38:23he became Britain's youngest eBay millionaire?
38:27What are your first thoughts?
38:29If you're a millionaire,
38:30you wouldn't spend
38:30your night here.
38:37You are very careful
38:38what you say.
38:42Tell you what,
38:43we'll reveal the mystery guest
38:44after the break
38:45and Flo and Joan
38:47are going to close the show
38:48with a song for Valentine's Day.
38:49We'll see you in a little bit.
39:03Welcome back to Last Leg.
39:05We're joined by Brian Cox
39:05and Flo and Joan.
39:07Before the break,
39:08we challenged our guests
39:08to work out how this person
39:10was connected to the news.
39:11Can we have the options again, please?
39:15Yes, so this is Kobe
39:16and his dad, Luke.
39:17But why has Kobe
39:17been in the news this week?
39:19Is it because he was selected
39:20to represent Europe
39:21at an international ball competition,
39:23which means he'll be
39:24the youngest ever disabled player
39:25to take part
39:26at an international level?
39:27Is it because he was hired
39:28by Radio 1
39:29for the early breakfast slot
39:30and became Britain's
39:31youngest ever DJ?
39:33Or is it because
39:34he set up an account
39:35dealing in rare legami pens
39:36and has become
39:37Britain's youngest
39:39eBay millionaire?
39:40What do you think?
39:42I think it's the DJ.
39:45I think you would
39:47absolutely smoke me
39:48at snooker,
39:50so I think it's that.
39:51That's not a hard challenge,
39:52but I believe that
39:53an eight-year-old
39:54could do that to me.
39:55And I'd just like to apologise
39:56to all the millionaires
39:57in the room.
40:01All right.
40:02What Brian said?
40:05Mystery guest,
40:06can you please
40:07reveal the correct answer?
40:12Go on.
40:14What are you?
40:16I'm a pool player.
40:17Yes.
40:18Oh, there you go.
40:22Thank you for mine, Monica.
40:23I'm really shady.
40:25He's a pool player.
40:26Nice.
40:30How long have you been
40:31playing?
40:32He's a pool player.
40:32How long have you been
40:33playing for, Kobe?
40:34Two years.
40:35Two years?
40:36You've already made it.
40:38And what's your favourite?
40:39I've been playing years
40:39and I'm...
40:39Oh, no, I can't say that word.
40:42Mate.
40:44You do a parenting podcast as well.
40:48What's your favourite shot, Kobe?
40:50I like the middle pocket.
40:53The middle pocket.
40:54Yeah, it's easier as well.
40:55Now, you are wearing a pool t-shirt
40:57but we have made up a little
40:59last leg shirt for you as well
41:00as a gift that you can take away.
41:09We've also got some last leg balls.
41:11There you go.
41:13And on top of that,
41:14we've got a message for you
41:16from three-time world champion
41:17Mark Williams.
41:20Hi, Kobe.
41:21Mark Williams here.
41:23I've seen you've been selected
41:25to play in the Nations Cup
41:27in Gibraltar.
41:28I'd just like to wish you
41:29all the best.
41:31Play well.
41:33Hot them balls.
41:34Let me know how you get on
41:36and then when you finish,
41:38perhaps we can meet up
41:39and me and you
41:40can have a few frames of pool.
41:42Anyway, all the best.
41:43Good luck.
41:44Keep in touch.
41:44See you soon.
41:45Go get them.
41:51Let's give it up for Kobe.
41:58Kobe Tottenham.
42:01Josh has been challenging
42:02the leadership
42:03in the last seven days.
42:04What have you got?
42:04Ah, would you like to
42:05from one Welsh sports star
42:07to another,
42:08would you like to see
42:08a delightful clip
42:10of Wales striker
42:11John Hartson
42:12trying his best
42:13on the weakest link?
42:14Yes.
42:16In past times,
42:18which video game console
42:19launched by Sony
42:20in 1994
42:20is now often referred
42:22to as the PS1?
42:25P.
42:26PlayStation.
42:30I was just down
42:32from him
42:32on that show
42:34and he'd go in there
42:34and go,
42:35I'm really worried
42:35I'm going to get
42:36voted out first here
42:37and as soon as I saw him
42:38do that,
42:39I was like,
42:39get up there.
42:42Now,
42:43we've obviously mastered
42:43saucepan curling tonight.
42:45Yep.
42:45Would you like to see
42:46amazing footage
42:46of someone giving
42:47proper curling
42:49a go on the ice
42:50to prove
42:51that actually
42:51it's very easy?
42:52Yes, please.
42:56Back up.
42:58Pull back.
42:59Pull the right back.
43:00Pull the right back.
43:01And then down and out.
43:08We've got one more clip.
43:09Yes.
43:10Would you like to see
43:11an adorable clip
43:12of a little boy
43:13who doesn't know
43:13his own strength?
43:15Yes.
43:15Let's have a look.
43:17Recently, though,
43:18he's had to face
43:19a lot of political mudslinging.
43:21Oh!
43:22Oh!
43:23I didn't mean to let go!
43:24I didn't mean...
43:25It slipped out of my hand!
43:28I'm so sorry!
43:31All right,
43:32we are about to end
43:33the show
43:33with a Valentine's Day song
43:34from Flo and Joan,
43:35but before we do,
43:36would you please
43:37thank our guests,
43:37Brian Cox!
43:41And Flo and Joan!
43:45And my co-host,
43:46Josh Whittacombe
43:48and Alex Brooker!
43:52We'll be back next week
43:53with comedians
43:54Aisling V,
43:55Bridget Christie
43:55and Chloe Petz,
43:57but right now,
43:57this is Flo and Joan
43:59with a song
43:59for Valentine's Day.
44:01Thanks for watching
44:01The Last Week.
44:01My name's Adam Hills.
44:02We'll see you next week
44:03for the next week.
44:09Now,
44:10it's Valentine's weekend
44:11so a lot of you
44:11will be going on dates
44:12and if you're lucky
44:13you'll have someone
44:14to go home with.
44:15Some of you
44:15won't be so lucky
44:16so you'll be walking
44:17yourself home.
44:18This is a song
44:19for those people.
44:21My friends,
44:22I'm in a pickle
44:24each time
44:25I'm walking
44:26home.
44:29Someone jumps out
44:30the darkness,
44:32tries to steal me
44:33for their own.
44:35Now,
44:35I don't think
44:37that it's
44:38my problem,
44:39but here's
44:41some sound
44:42advice.
44:44This is what I do
44:46to stop myself
44:47being murdered
44:48on a cold dark night
44:50or a warm dark night
44:51or a warm light night
44:53or a cold light night
44:54or a rainy warm light
44:55dark night
44:56or the middle of the day.
44:59Put your keys
45:00in your fingers
45:00like Wolverine,
45:02shake them around
45:02like a tambourine,
45:04pick up the pace
45:05like you're in a
45:06marching band.
45:08Look over your shoulder
45:10on every step
45:11Practice your scream
45:12and don't forget
45:13to glue some leaves
45:15on your pretty little head
45:16to camouflage
45:17like a bush
45:18Cause from the sunset
45:21to the setting sun
45:24A woman's walk
45:26is never done
45:28Life's for living
45:30but don't have
45:31too much fun
45:33Cause darling
45:35don't forget
45:36A woman's walk
45:38is never done
45:40And if none
45:41of the above works
45:42You could dress up
45:44like a blueberry
45:45and run around
45:46screaming
45:47I'm a blueberry
45:48Put big bells
45:49on your hands
45:50and skip, skip
45:51through the darkness
45:52Eat from the bins
45:53dance with the cats
45:55No one's gonna
45:56wanna come near that
45:57You'll be known forever
45:58as the blueberry woman
46:00But it's better
46:01than being dead
46:02Also remember
46:04to carry a big handbag
46:05With a big brick
46:07Small brick
46:07Long stick
46:08Ice pick
46:08Nail clippers
46:09Baggy kippers
46:10One big shoe
46:10Air spray
46:11Pepper spray
46:12Silly spray
46:12Charlie red
46:13Cause if you're gonna die
46:14You might as well smell nice
46:15One big firework
46:16A heavy piano
46:17A great big fat
46:18Fucking big fat marrow
46:19Add an old tissue
46:21And an old tissue
46:21Cause what's a handbag
46:22Without an old tissue
46:24When you're walking
46:26Down the road
46:27Talk loudly
46:28On your phone
46:29And say that you're
46:31About to do a murder
46:34And the killer
46:35And the killer behind you
46:36Will shit his friggin' pants
46:38And they'll run away
46:40And you're like that buzz
46:42And now you're in
46:45The shoes of a killer
46:47Before you know it
46:49You're doing the murders
46:51Now all the women
46:53Walking home
46:54Are scared of you
46:55And that is
46:58Family time
47:00Cause from the sunset
47:03To the setting sun
47:06A woman's walk
47:08Is never done
47:09Life's fun living
47:11But don't have too much fun
47:14Cause darling
47:16Don't forget
47:16A woman's walk
47:19Is never done
47:21A woman's walk
47:23Is never done
47:24A woman's walk
47:27Is never
47:28A woman's walk
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