- 2 days ago
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00:00And that's how this episode begins with me being a peeping Tom or peeping Toby I guess
00:08All I can see is various body parts some of the body parts I can't even identify
00:35Toby, how did you find out about all of this?
00:39Oh, um, just a librarian invited me a lot
00:43Oh, yes, that would be Lisa
00:45She's always looking for new members
00:48She picked a good night as bondage and leather theme
00:57Toby, I'm so embarrassed
00:59That you saw me like that
01:01It's fine
01:02There's never normally that many men focusing on one woman
01:06It's fine, honestly
01:07Obviously Lisa was there because she insists on wearing a strap on
01:10Okay, we don't need to talk about Aunty Janine, honestly, it's fine
01:13Oh
01:16So, um, did Uncle Mitch know about these sexual parties?
01:24Oh, no
01:25He was usually involved
01:29And the recreational drugs?
01:31Oh, yes
01:32Ketamine
01:33Yes, he used it a lot, actually
01:35We love ketamine
01:37It turns any party into a personal time warp
01:42Oh, Mitchie
01:43He distanced himself from all of this, though
01:47Towards the end
01:48He was just growing jealous
01:50I think
01:52And I don't mean to brag
01:54But I am rather popular at these events
01:57And Mitch started having a problem with that
02:02Janine
02:02Hmm?
02:03The cowgirl competition's about to begin
02:05Oh, wonderful
02:06Oh, yes, yes, yes
02:08I'm so sorry, Toby
02:09I have to dash
02:11I was the brains behind a new challenge we're travelling
02:14Called Ride and Cowgirls
02:16And it would be a bad form for me
02:17You're not meant to be there
02:20Oh, and if you want to stay, honey
02:22You have to strip down
02:24You can pop on one of those leather harnesses
02:26That are floating around
02:28Okay, everybody
02:30Aunty Janine's suspect status was slipping
02:33She wasn't at the mansion when Uncle Mitch died
02:36And she did seem genuinely upset at his passing
02:39But all this talk about jealousy
02:41Got me thinking about her lovers
02:42And I was about to meet one face to face
02:45Luckily, my phone was still recording
02:48Toby
02:49Hey
02:50Toby
02:51Toby, it's me
02:52It's me
02:53It's Bill
02:54Oh
02:54I heard you were here
02:55Oh, yes
02:56Bill Heslop
02:57Who was cheating on his equestrian wife
02:59To be with Aunty Janine
03:02Of course
03:02How's it going?
03:04Yeah, yeah, yeah
03:04Hey, look, can we have a quick word?
03:06I was actually just
03:06Yeah, thanks, mate
03:07Let's just pop in here real quick
03:08Thanks, mate
03:09Good man
03:09I just
03:10Yeah, yeah, just real quick
03:11I just wanted to thank you, mate
03:13You know, for yesterday
03:14Yeah
03:15My wife at the vets
03:16And keeping mum about me and Janine
03:18Sure
03:19Heather's got no idea
03:21About any of it
03:24And that's
03:24It's tubing me up inside
03:26You know
03:27At the same time
03:29I just can't help myself
03:34I just got no idea
03:35That I come to these things
03:37There's another bloody secret
03:38I'm keeping, eh?
03:40Yeah
03:43Oh, wow
03:46Oh
03:48Oh
03:53Hopefully I don't go down to K.O.
03:56Your Uncle Mitch
03:59Oh, he is a great guy
04:01You know, he really helped me
04:03You know, he helped me with all the
04:04Cryptocurrency disasters
04:07I suppose
04:09Me and Janine
04:10We just found solace in each other's arms, you know
04:14You know, I went round to grieve with her
04:15And we were organising to meet at O'Reilly's hotel
04:19So were you quite good mates with Uncle Mitch?
04:22Oh, yeah
04:23Yeah, I would have killed for him
04:25Oh, I was so angry when I found out that he died
04:28I went round and I smashed five of those self-automated lawnmowers
04:32I mean, how dare they?
04:33How dare they kill such a...
04:36A tip-top chap
04:37You know?
04:40Now every godforsaken household's bought one of the sons of bitches
04:45Have you watched The Terminator?
04:47Oh, no, I haven't
04:49It is on my list, but
04:51I mean, I do know the central premise
04:52Yeah, so you know
04:54You're going to take over
04:55Just you watch
04:58Oh, Lord
05:00Hey
05:01Oh, here comes the day here
05:04Okay
05:05Oh, it's time to bet in the other hedges
05:07Okay, okay
05:07Oh, no
05:10Okay, so if this guy was acting
05:12It was an Oscar-worthy performance
05:14Because this is really good
05:15He seems genuinely upset about Uncle Mitch's death
05:19So does this mean that he's also no longer a suspect?
05:22Oh, no
05:23Oh
05:26Oh, just a quick one
05:27Yeah
05:28Oh, anyway
05:30Yeah
05:31You going to come join in the festivities?
05:33Oh, no
05:35Oh, yeah, come on
05:36Come on, you'll have fun, I promise
05:37Oh, no
05:39Toby
05:50I think it's safe to say that Aunty Janine and her lover
05:53Bill Heslop are no longer suspects
05:56But where does that leave me?
05:58Am I at a stalemate?
06:00Or is Bill Heslop right?
06:02And we're on the precipice of an AI, machine-led end of civilization
06:07With these lawnmowers
06:11I mean, they are hugely popular
06:15And basically every household has one
06:17Hey, this is stupid
06:19I don't want this podcast to devolve into conspiracy theories
06:23But in saying that
06:24Maybe I'm missing the most reasonable, obvious explanation
06:28Okay, looks like it's time to investigate the next unlikely, albeit brutal, suspect
06:35The Buchananiser
06:52As long as Mitch's Hyper Mega Store's been open, it's been incredibly popular
06:57People have come from far and wide for their motor mowing needs
07:01But mostly, to buy one of their very own world-renowned Buchananisers
07:11Considering their boss was brutally killed just a few days ago
07:15The staff of Mitch's Hyper Mega Store don't appear overly upset
07:26Hi, hi there
07:27Hi, sir
07:28How can we help you?
07:30Hi, I'm Toby
07:32Uncle Mitch was my actual uncle
07:34I'm so sorry for your loss
07:36It's fine
07:37It's sad, but yeah
07:38Hey, listen
07:39I was wondering if there was any chance I could talk to someone about the mechanics of the Buchananiser
07:45Just for interest's sakes
07:48Yeah, you'd probably want to speak to Garouche down in the basement
07:51Garouche is still here?
07:53Wow
07:54I knew him like 35 years ago
07:56And even then he would have been
07:58He would have been
08:00Anyway, yeah, yes
08:02Yes
08:03Let's go and visit Garouche, if that's okay
08:10Um, he's just down there at the end of the corridor
08:12It's easy enough to find
08:14Will you introduce me to him?
08:16I reckon he'll be fine
08:17He doesn't really like people
08:18I don't think
08:20But he'll like you
08:21I'm sure of it
08:22Okay
08:24Good luck
08:26Okay
08:27Okay, yeah
08:30My plan?
08:32To find out if the Buchananiser had the impetus
08:34But mostly the capabilities
08:36To actually kill someone
08:45I'm entering Garouche's workshop
08:48So, Garouche used to be one of the inventors of the original Buchananiser
08:52I remember him about 30 years ago
08:56But even then he was an old man
08:58So, Lord knows how old he is now
09:01Hello?
09:04Garouche?
09:07Who are you?
09:09I'm Toby Buchanan
09:09Uncle Mitch was my uncle
09:15I used to come here all the time as a kid
09:17I don't know if you remember me, Garouche
09:22I was actually wondering if I could talk to you about something
09:26I've been thinking quite a bit about the Buchananisers
09:30And obviously Uncle Mitch died
09:31And one of the leading hypotheses is that he was actually killed
09:34By a Buchananiser
09:36Which I know is poetic
09:37I guess it's a bit like Frankenstein, right?
09:39Because he was killed by his invention
09:41But, I mean, basically
09:42Do you think that Buchananisers could have killed Uncle Mitch?
09:45I mean, that's not a very satisfying answer to the podcast
09:47Not that you care about that
09:49Oh, I'm babbling
09:51Experiment
09:51I beg your pardon?
09:53Experiment
09:54Experiment
09:54Oh
09:59Are you sure this is such a good idea, Garouche?
10:03With experiment, you have to replicate conditions exactly
10:21Wait, it doesn't even ride up onto me
10:24Let alone cut me
10:25Your hypothesis is correct
10:29Then why did they cut us face up so badly then?
10:33Ow, get out of it
10:52Before I piss him down harder
11:08Come on, boy, you're a scientist
11:11Well, I guess I conclude that
11:15Someone would have to have done it
11:16The Buchananisers couldn't have done this damage by themselves
11:19In order to get the damage that they did
11:21Someone would have to pick it up
11:23Place it on his face
11:25And then press down on it
11:26That's the only way that he could sustain the injuries that he did
11:32But I might have lost, Garouche
11:34Who would want him dead?
11:35Everyone who work here, they all want him dead
11:37Wait, the staff?
11:39Why would they want him dead?
11:41Because he's an asshole
11:43He'd treat everyone like shit
11:45And also, he wanted to sell company
11:47Everyone who's a job
11:49He wanted to sell the company?
11:50Oh
11:51You didn't want him dead, did you?
11:53Hmm?
11:54You did?
11:56I've not been outside for 25 years
11:58So not me
11:59Oh, okay
12:01Wait, you haven't been outside for 25 years?
12:05Sunlight, it burns
12:07I have to have special SPF 550
12:11It's not easy to get
12:16So, trying to find out who killed my Uncle Mitch
12:19Was spiralling out of control
12:23So there are about 20 staff members
12:26At the Hyper Mega Store
12:27Every one of them a suspect
12:29Do I have to investigate every single one of them?
12:32Toby Buchanan
12:33Enter my crush
12:35Katie Jerram
12:36Hi, honey
12:40From school, that is
12:49Oh, you work here
12:57That's right
12:57You got it
12:59There I am
13:00That's professionally done
13:02Anyways, what are you doing here?
13:03I'm just here for memory's sake
13:07How's everything going with all of that?
13:09You alright?
13:09I just
13:10I still can't believe he's gone
13:13Just in shock or whatever
13:15Yeah, me too
13:19Tobes
13:19I just, like, have to ask
13:24How is it living in Sydney?
13:27Oh, uh
13:27Do you just have, like, the best time?
13:29Yeah, I can't wait to go back
13:31I just always, always, always wanted to move over there
13:34And then Mitch was going to open a Hyper Mega Store in Newcastle
13:38And I was going to manage
13:41And that just would have been, like, so neat
13:47Who do you think is going to take over the business now?
13:50Oh, I don't actually know
13:52Oh, maybe as kids
13:54Do you think?
13:55Nah, they're pretty busy with their jet-setting lifestyle over in Hong Kong
13:58So jet-setting
14:00Anyway, what are you doing?
14:02Like, what have you been up to?
14:03What are you journalising at the moment?
14:04Sorry, journalist
14:06Journalist-dicking
14:07Um
14:11I'm actually working on a podcast at the moment, Katie
14:14Stop
14:14I love podcasts
14:16They're just so cool
14:17I actually listened to a really good one about women in business
14:21It's called Profit Loss and Lipstick
14:22What are you
14:23What's your one about?
14:24Oh, men's mental health
14:25Just on the down low, Katie
14:26I'm actually doing it on Uncle Mitch's life
14:29Oh
14:29And death
14:33Um, what, like, to say
14:34What a great man he was
14:36I don't think his death was as cut and dry as they are saying it was
14:40I've just been down with Garouche
14:42And let's just say some of the events around Uncle Mitch's death
14:44And what the Buchananisers did
14:46That doesn't add up
14:48I mean, Garouche
14:49Because, yeah, I just
14:50I know
14:51I don't think that anyone did it
14:53Because it was an accident
14:55Which is what the police have said
14:56So it's sort of solved
14:57So that's lucky
14:58Anyway, I should probably
14:59Oh, I need to get back to work
15:01Is that okay?
15:02Yes
15:02Oh, we want to hope we get to catch up properly
15:05Yeah, it's good to see you, Katie
15:07You look great
15:15Ah, um, yes
15:17This week only
15:18Big savings on the Buchananiser 3000
15:20Quiet, efficient
15:21And never on a tea break
15:43My suspect list was getting unwieldy
15:45And I didn't know how to proceed
15:47I guess I had to reframe the whole investigation
15:49Around one central question
15:52Who would gain the most
15:53From Uncle Mitch dying
15:56And would a staff member
15:57No matter how disgruntled
15:59Be prepared to murder him?
16:01What would they get out of that?
16:02Also, you'd have to really hate Uncle Mitch
16:05To take an automated lawnmower
16:06And force it onto his face, right?
16:10Because you're good at tech, Tobes
16:12I told Janine that you would be more than happy
16:14To do the photo montage for Mitch's funeral
16:17Hi, Mum, I'm busy with my podcast
16:18If you can do it by this afternoon
16:20That would be good
16:21Oh, and I've told Russell, the suit hireer
16:24That you'll be popping in
16:25To have a suit fitted this afternoon
16:27Oh, my God
16:28If you behave
16:30You can have cheese toasties for lunch
16:35That's my boy
16:36Rewards-focused
16:40Oh, my God
16:42I've got to be in a meeting
16:44It's not basically
16:45It's not
16:55What did Dad say when you told him about Uncle Mitch?
16:58I would say he was upset
16:59But he was also drunk
17:00Oh
17:02Is he coming back for the funeral?
17:04I've sent him all the details
17:06But don't hold your breath
17:07That he'll make it back
17:09Organising a flight back from Cairn
17:11Is probably a little bit beyond his capabilities
17:18Should I put a photo of Auntie Andrea into the montage?
17:21Oh, that's a point
17:22Yes, she'd probably be at the funeral
17:24Well, didn't Uncle Mitch get a restraining order out again?
17:27Well, I think that's void when one of them is dead
17:29Anyway, put one in for old time's sake
17:31But maybe put one in with her eyes closed
17:33You're terrible, Auntie Sue
17:35Oh, on the other hand, maybe not
17:37Oh, she's had partial paralysis since her surgeries
17:40I know she's very sensitive about it
17:45So, I guess it's time for some family history
17:48Auntie Andrea was Uncle Mitch's first wife
17:51And the mother of his twins
17:52When he hit the big time
17:54And made his first 10 million
17:55And women started throwing themselves at him
17:57He proceeded to upgrade Auntie Andrea for a newer model
18:01Despite Auntie Andrea spending thousands on her personal upgrade in Thailand
18:08Auntie Andrea proceeded to have a psychotic breakdown of sorts
18:12Understandably so, I guess
18:13And in the end, Mitch ended up taking out a restraining order against her
18:18Oh, what do you think, Carol?
18:20Is this Kiwi fascinated?
18:22Too drab?
18:24It is a bit salty
18:26Where's Auntie Andrea living these days?
18:28She's living in a unit up in Hamilton
18:30I went to see her a couple of work
18:32Two months ago, actually
18:34Oh, she's had even more work done
18:37If you know what I mean
18:38Oh
18:40Does she come down here much?
18:41Oh, no
18:42With the twins not here
18:44There's no point, really
18:46And she just hates that drive
18:49Oh, that drive from Hamilton can be really terrible
18:52Yeah, absolutely
18:53There was that family that was killed
18:55Drove clean off a cliff
18:57And knowing Andrea's bad luck, she'd probably do the same thing
19:00Wait, didn't something terrible happen to Andrea in the mid-noughties?
19:04Her father just dropped dead
19:07Just like that
19:09Ah
19:09Wait, what?
19:10I don't know about this
19:11Auntie Andrea's dad just dropped dead
19:13Yes
19:15Just like that
19:17And then a few months later
19:19Her mum passed as well
19:21Wait, what?
19:22Auntie Andrea's parents just dropped dead
19:27Do they know how they died?
19:29No idea
19:31Could they have been poisoned?
19:33Poisoned?
19:34Why would they be poisoned?
19:35No, no, no
19:36Death comes to us all sometimes
19:38Doesn't it?
19:39With this sordid backstory in mind
19:42Looks like I had a new number one suspect
19:47Auntie Andrea
19:48Yeah
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