- 7 weeks ago
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00:00Hi, it's Windy.
00:25Leave a message.
00:26Or don't.
00:27Gracias.
00:28Where would you do that, Windy?
00:31I mean, what the shit in hell?
00:33I did what you wanted.
00:34I confessed.
00:35I told everyone.
00:37And you?
00:38You made me look like a crazy person.
00:40Do you have any idea how awful that feels?
01:05Have your own friends, look at you like that.
01:08Rotten.
01:09It feels rotten, Windy.
01:11You're a very mean person.
01:20Oh, there's our little spaceman.
01:23How's the gravity treating you, Dad?
01:25Better than the bloody hangover.
01:26Yeah, I didn't know whether to let you sleep on or phone the CIA.
01:30Yesterday was mad.
01:32What, with Joanne going missing and getting half-concussed by petty battles?
01:35Who knows what any of us were saying at the end of it?
01:37Well, we know.
01:39Because the videos and whatnot.
01:40Yeah, the videos where you say fairly clearly that you were abducted by aliens.
01:49My big mouth.
01:53Ah, what a night, though.
01:54Who took the video?
02:00There's no video.
02:01Ah, I wish.
02:03Ah, here she is now.
02:05The tattooed lady.
02:07Literally my first tattoo.
02:09Was it painful, Jojo?
02:10Literally my last tattoo.
02:12It's insane to me how people allow this pain to happen on their faces.
02:15Yeah, well, most don't get any.
02:17Well, it's done now.
02:18Look, I like the intention.
02:19The rebellion.
02:20Just not too sure about the subject matter.
02:23Don't you like my name?
02:23Well, I do, but I also like to have it on my own.
02:26I'm a proctor.
02:29Sounds like a rectal probe, doesn't it?
02:32Great.
02:33Thanks, Mammy.
02:36Well, I'd better go.
02:38The day won't live itself.
02:39Good for you.
02:40I thought you'd spend the day in hiding.
02:42I know I would.
02:44The week.
02:45Good one.
02:48It's okay, Daddy.
02:50Everyone says stupid things in the pub, doesn't it, they're for?
02:53Aye.
02:53You meant it, though.
02:58Last night.
03:00Aye.
03:10I mean, he has sex with his mother now.
03:13That's quite a big character adjustment.
03:14Yeah, well, how exciting for him.
03:17I mean, isn't that what good actors do?
03:19They adjust their characters?
03:20Yeah, that's what good actors do.
03:22Wendy, look, the studio's worried that casting an unknown in the lead role is risky as shit.
03:27And you know what?
03:28They're right.
03:28But his co-star is a legend in the indie movie world.
03:31Maybe 20 years ago she was.
03:33Big Jim is a formidable screen presence and a positive local news story for the launch.
03:38Audiences need profile or passion.
03:41You know the old movie rule?
03:42Give me a face or give me a dick.
03:44And if I learned anything from season two of Anne Boleyn, The Single Years, it's that if you show an audience a corset, they expect to see some intercourse.
03:53Perhaps your writer, the esteemed Jack E. McCarthy, seems more than happy with the new change in direction.
03:59Yeah, that was surprising.
04:00He's playing very loosey-goosey with his own book.
04:03Well, maybe he trusts our instincts on drama.
04:05Is he aware that our biggest show last season was Catfishing with Cleopatra?
04:09Hey, it's history with a twist, right?
04:11That's the ID of our USP.
04:13Has the actor even been informed of the new direction?
04:16Ah, well, that's where a good producer comes in.
04:19However, if you're out of your depth...
04:20Got it, Brad.
04:21Isn't your writer arriving shortly?
04:23I'm sure he can walk him through the changes if you're not feeling up to it.
04:26Oh, fucking piss off.
04:28Excuse me?
04:28Piss off.
04:29Hey.
04:29Pig-eared prick.
04:30What did you eat?
04:31Yeah, go suck those liver treats.
04:33Yeah, suck it.
04:34Liver treats?
04:35Sorry, Brad.
04:36Not for you.
04:38Dogs, you're not a pig-eared prick.
04:39Thanks, Wendy.
04:40I'll call you back.
04:42Sorry.
04:43I see you've learned the magic trick.
04:45Food?
04:45Yeah, real fucking magic.
04:47That was a wild night last night.
04:50Yeah.
04:50In my line of work, I meet people who are willing to say all kinds of shite given an audience.
04:54Usually me.
04:55But I have to admit, Dr. Proctor never struck me as a liar.
05:01He has his moments.
05:02I'll leave you to it.
05:07Enjoy your smoke.
05:07And if you need more, you know where to find me?
05:11Shelley.
05:13For what it's worth, you're not wrong about the doctor.
05:17Keep trusting your gut.
05:18You'll need it.
05:20Right.
05:21Okay.
05:22I mean, I knew you were well-traveled, but...
05:25Well...
05:26Colonel, Sanders, I'll get you home, you pig-eared prick.
05:40All you had to do was say,
05:42yes, everything he said about being abducted by aliens was correct.
05:47My family don't know what to think.
05:49There's a new look in my wife's eyes that can only be described as shame.
06:01Or amusement.
06:02Which is hard to take, given all she usually gives me is indifference.
06:06Call me.
06:07I've heard he's much taller in person, the inelegant prick.
06:26Mr. McCarthy.
06:27Eh.
06:28Welcome.
06:29What's your name?
06:30Jules.
06:31Jill?
06:32Jules.
06:33Jules.
06:33Sorry, sorry.
06:34Very fancy.
06:36I shall call you Sparkles.
06:38Sparkles, would you mind holding on to my case while I go for a whiz?
06:41The plane was awash with artisanal gin.
06:52Sorry to disturb you, Miss Proctor.
06:55I seem to have run out of chalk.
06:57Don't suppose I could, uh...
06:59Look at this shit.
07:03I mean, it's kind of funny, no?
07:05Jane Henderson told me her homework's been abducted by aliens.
07:12Man, how quickly a drunken story has spread in this town.
07:15Exactly.
07:16But Seamus doesn't even drink.
07:17Anymore.
07:18This is getting embarrassing.
07:24Maybe you guys should try, like, marriage therapy or something.
07:31Doesn't feel like you're in the mood for funny quips?
07:34Maybe not right now.
07:39You're in the mood for anything else?
07:40Oh, just...
07:49Text me later, Matt.
07:52Yeah, we've had a few cancellations, I'm afraid.
08:07So I see.
08:09I doubt it has anything to do with your...
08:10Ah, me neither.
08:11...alien abduction revelation.
08:12Okay, then.
08:17Hey, but since it's so quiet,
08:19why don't we head to the pub for lunch?
08:22Um, no.
08:24You go ahead.
08:26Wouldn't want to get in the way of you flirting with Shelley.
08:29She's flirting with Shelley.
08:31Now you go.
08:33I'll watch the phones.
08:35Not that anyone's calling.
08:36Eh, someone did actually call earlier.
08:38Oh, I said they'd like a pain in their chest.
08:40I think I made a note.
08:41Do you? What, a tightness or palpitations?
08:44Yes.
08:44It didn't go away for a while,
08:45so they lay flat on a table to relieve the pain,
08:49and then from nowhere,
08:50a terrifying baby alien exploded out of their chest
08:53and then ran away.
08:55Sounds painful.
08:56Referred by Dr. Ripley.
08:58Ah.
09:00Star Wars.
09:01Alien.
09:02Alien.
09:03Alien.
09:04Good one.
09:11Oh, fuck.
09:27Sorry.
09:28I just took a bite out of another plastic apple.
09:33Tapper, we can cut away before he makes a stupid face.
09:37Cut.
09:39Sorry, Zach.
09:40Tastes all right.
09:42Oh, she's a dick.
09:43Yeah.
09:44Ah.
09:45Oh, I'm so sorry about that, Zach.
09:47Yes, but you said that last time.
09:48You see changes with script?
09:50Oh, yeah.
09:51No, I saw the new script with different colors.
09:53I just assumed that somebody in the office
09:55got a bit bored.
09:57Ah.
09:57You sleep with mother now, yeah?
09:59What?
09:59Sorry?
10:00You have met the actress who plays your mother.
10:02No, I've not actually met Miss Rowlands yet,
10:04but I grew up watching her on TV.
10:07I just think she's going to make a brilliant bridge.
10:10Yeah, right over here.
10:12Here we are.
10:13Just this way.
10:14Quite a bit of mud there.
10:17I put a spell on you.
10:20Sorry to interrupt,
10:22but can I just quickly introduce you to Jemima Rowlands?
10:27You're not anti-smoking, are you?
10:33Uh, hello there.
10:34No, no, no, no.
10:36I just smoke your little heart.
10:38I just, uh...
10:39I just can't believe I'm actually meeting you in the flesh
10:42or that I'm playing your son-like.
10:45About that, Big Jim.
10:46You are a big fellow, aren't you?
10:48Has someone talked you through the script changes?
10:50It's nothing major.
10:52Just a little massaging.
10:52There was some concern on the studio side
10:54that the story was getting a little domestic.
10:56Not all your fault.
10:58So we've just added a little heat here and there.
11:00Easy fix.
11:02Cool.
11:02Yeah, cool, cool.
11:03Oh, in relation to the dynamic
11:05between your character on Dagda
11:07and the goddess, Bridget.
11:09His mother, yeah.
11:11Well, we fuck now.
11:14Each other.
11:15You sleep with mother now, yeah?
11:17One second, Zach.
11:18Jim.
11:19Big Jim.
11:19The writer's en route to set
11:20and will happily talk you through
11:22any of the massaging.
11:24Plenty of massaging.
11:26Can we get on Dagda ready for a take, please?
11:28Shooting in two.
11:30So, so not your son, then?
11:33Son with benefits, maybe.
11:42Because of mine.
11:44Patrick Kebner, country, audio reports.
11:56Stony gray soil, stony gray skies,
11:59stony gray fields.
12:01You can certainly understand
12:02why he didn't write any musicals.
12:04Yes.
12:04I have to ask you about your luggage.
12:12Do you, indeed?
12:14Are you a fan of Japan?
12:16Cats?
12:17Both, huh?
12:18Due to budget cuts,
12:19our friends at Customs and Exides
12:21only have time to check
12:22one out of every 46 suitcases
12:24for a legal contraband.
12:27One in 46.
12:28This is it, Brandon,
12:30but it's not.
12:31Lad at Heathrow told me
12:32that they check
12:33the most suspicious suitcases
12:34as one would.
12:35So the question then becomes
12:36if you only have time
12:37to check one out of every 46 suitcases
12:39for ecstasy,
12:41would you pick that one?
12:42I don't think it's your appendix now.
12:56What level of discomfort
12:58are you experiencing?
12:59Yeah.
13:00Well, this experience is about
13:01a four.
13:03I wasn't asking for a Yelp review.
13:05But I must admit,
13:06four is disappointing.
13:08But what you experience
13:09seems like an 11, Doc.
13:10Can you give me something for that?
13:14I thought you wanted
13:15something for the pain.
13:16I just want whatever you're on.
13:19You know, what was it?
13:20LSD, peyote?
13:22Or did you just find
13:23a cheeky wee patch of shrooms?
13:26Hmm?
13:28Two pairs of cinnamon all.
13:30Thanks for your business, Niall.
13:31You know, maybe I will
13:32write a Yelp review.
13:33One Yelp.
13:34That's all I'm giving you.
13:36One Yelp.
13:37I treated you for chicken pox.
13:39Twice.
13:40I thought you said
13:42we had cancellation.
13:44You folks just kept turning up.
13:45I don't even think they're sick.
13:56Are there any messages?
13:58I might for someone
13:58to return a call.
13:59Uh, yes.
14:00Someone called and asked you
14:01to phone them at home.
14:03Did you get a number?
14:04No, they just said
14:06phone home.
14:07Um,
14:08GP phone home.
14:11Home.
14:18This is why.
14:20This is why I lied
14:21for all those years.
14:22To avoid this exact situation.
14:24This is my worst nightmare.
14:26And the tone joke
14:27because of you.
14:28Jack.
14:32Wendy, darling.
14:34Darling?
14:35From the great Peter Pan,
14:36Wendy, darling.
14:37Of course, yes.
14:38It is so nice
14:39to finally meet you in person.
14:40I'm a big fan of your work.
14:41Well, I am also
14:42a big fan of your work.
14:43Really?
14:44You know my work?
14:45I know that you bought my book
14:46and that just screams
14:47smart cookie to me.
14:49Oh.
14:49The page has legs.
14:53Put on that straw.
14:56A quick reminder
14:57that all the food
14:58and hair is not edible.
14:59Copy that.
15:00I love the script changes.
15:01Well, I love that
15:02you love the script changes.
15:03Uh, personally,
15:04I always felt that
15:06being the mother
15:07of the god of agriculture,
15:08there was a
15:09believability concern
15:10at best.
15:12Uh, age-wise.
15:15Totally.
15:16Lamb dressed as mutton,
15:17do you mind me?
15:18I mean, we're talking
15:18about the star
15:19we did it on the tube here.
15:22Yeah, now your relationship
15:24is less of a typical
15:25maternal blah, blah.
15:27Yawn.
15:28And yes,
15:28the new pages do include
15:29a couple of rather
15:31intimate scenes.
15:33Orgasmic unison.
15:35Yeah, that's, uh,
15:35that's full-on intimate.
15:37But what is intimacy, really?
15:39I watch pornography
15:40ad nauseum,
15:42ad fucking nauseam,
15:43but I see no intimacy,
15:47only contempt.
15:49And is it any wonder we have to dredge through our listless lives forever burdened by losing our one true love before we've even learned how to love?
15:57You mean, like, our mothers?
16:00Bingo.
16:01If we're going down that route, I should say that I got some wonderful notices for a production I did of Oedipus Rex, The National, in 2008.
16:07It was with, um, oh, one of the Spider-Man boys.
16:11Oh, well, I'm not looking to pursue incest, par se.
16:16I'd like the romance to feel nationed, yet ancient, like primitive foreplay.
16:23We use this table for the sex.
16:26A banquet of lust? I love it, Zach.
16:28Oh, you cheeky little poor bird.
16:32Banquet of lust. Is that historically accurate?
16:34Yeah.
16:35I suppose we'll find out.
16:46Dad, Barry Battles is here.
17:00Look, he doesn't have an appointment.
17:02Tell him to feck off.
17:04How are you, Barry?
17:05How are you, Seamy?
17:06That's some crowd in your waiting room.
17:08I think I saw a TARDIS in there.
17:10Might be looking for the wrong doctor.
17:12What's up, Barry?
17:12Bad news.
17:15After prolonged talks, the committee to bring Philman to Drombon have opted to let you go.
17:20But that's good news.
17:22Because I resigned from it.
17:24Happily.
17:25Remember?
17:25I fought for you, Seamy.
17:26I wish you hadn't, Barry.
17:27But the tide of committee opinion has turned after your outburst.
17:32How are you feeling, Seamy?
17:38A bit weird since you put your hand on my shoulder, Barry.
17:41No need to reply right now.
17:44I just wanted to say hi.
17:46Hi, Barry.
17:48I think that's for texts.
17:49Come on to fuck you, dumb yoke.
17:52Are you having suicidal troughs?
17:55What's a suicidal trough?
17:57Thoughts.
17:58Why, that's it.
17:59Are you having suicidal thoughts?
18:02Well, not yet.
18:03But the day is young.
18:04Our feelings of self-loathing, no?
18:05Barry, I have a room full of patients here.
18:08And this is going really badly.
18:10So if you don't mind...
18:12What do you value in your life?
18:15Close doors.
18:18So?
18:21What are you going to do?
18:22You going to keep hiding in here, or should I just send the waiting room away home?
18:26Start sending them in, Sonny.
18:39Dr. Proctor leaves no sick patient behind.
18:41They're not sick.
18:42I think they just want to ask you about aliens.
18:44Right.
18:45Well, when a healthy person wants to ask about aliens, Dr. Proctor has the answers.
18:50Oh, that's hard to say, Rory.
19:01Just give me your best assessment, Dr.
19:04Well, I'd say that spaceship is about the size of a single-story home, give or take.
19:10Like a bungalow?
19:12A bungalow.
19:13Exactly.
19:14And this was on the night of the Moenium, backer?
19:16Yep.
19:17On the stroke of midnight.
19:19Suppose that makes me the Cinderella of alien abductions.
19:22The funny thing is, Wendy, I think you've actually done me a favour.
19:26I've kept this secret for so long, and now it's like this huge weight has been lifted.
19:32So when you say bungalow, do you mean a traditional two-bed, or are we talking conservatory, Jimmy?
19:37No, classic bungalow, but from space.
19:42No extension, no attic conversion, just bog-standard bungalow.
19:47Well, it's hard to call it bog-standard when you're talking about a flying craft from an alien world, but...
19:54Yeah, bog-standard bungalow.
19:56So then, do you think we're the more advanced species, since we have stairs?
20:02What was I afraid of all these years?
20:05Why'd I keep it bottled up?
20:06I thought you'd ruin my life, but...
20:09No, maybe this is a good thing.
20:11Maybe it's a great thing.
20:13I feel less trapped by secrets and shame.
20:17I feel free, because of you.
20:21That's why I wanted to leave you a message, Wendy.
20:24To say thank you.
20:28Fuck off!
20:30Bloody telemarketers.
20:32Need a coffee, boss?
20:34Me scuse you, Wendy.
20:35Is there a scene I'm missing involving a medieval gimp?
20:40That's Connor from VFX.
20:43He's the physical stand-in for Undarku, the water hound.
20:45Oh, oh, gotcha.
20:48Looking good, hound dog!
20:51Thanks.
20:52You are...
20:52This is our esteemed writer.
20:54Jackie McCarthy.
20:55Feeling under a dress now?
20:57Nice to meet you, Jackie.
20:58No.
20:59No.
21:00Jack E.
21:01The E stands for Eddie.
21:04Is it your first day, is it?
21:05Well, I've been in training for six months, so...
21:07Not exactly.
21:08In training?
21:08To replicate the movement of the water hound in a realistic way.
21:11But isn't it...
21:12Mythical?
21:14I'm missing your point.
21:16How do you replicate the movement of something that didn't exist?
21:18And where do you think King Kong lived and worked?
21:20Feels like he was fond of New York.
21:24Keep your eyes on the VFX monitors.
21:27Playback, please.
21:36Oh, there we go now.
21:38Oh, you'd have to have the right knees for that.
21:41Oh, nibble, little fella.
21:45Cut!
21:47The studio wants a merchandise tie-in for kids,
21:49so we're hoping that Connor's going to bring it to life.
21:52How exciting for life.
21:55And as executive producers,
21:57you and I will obviously get a cut of the merchandise sales.
22:01How exciting for us.
22:04I fucking dig it, Connor.
22:06You're like a flexible wee furnace.
22:08That's, uh, one of my inspiration creatures.
22:12Try it and test the process.
22:14I also used, as a physical blueprint,
22:16Clifford the Big Red Dog,
22:17and the lower body for George
22:19in Peppa Pig Cheetah School Sports Day.
22:21Missed that one.
22:21But can I just say, Connor,
22:22I think that you should go full method.
22:24You know, sleeping in the woods,
22:26catching porch,
22:27that type of commitment really elevates the performance.
22:30Yeah?
22:30I heard Andy Serkis moved into the London Zoo
22:32to prepare for Planet of the Apes.
22:42Shell, how's that paint coming?
22:44Well, it's either half full or half empty,
22:45depending on how optimistic you're feeling.
22:47Regardless of optimism,
22:48my paint should be getting B.A.P. treatment.
22:51So this place would still be half dead
22:52if it wasn't for myself,
22:54the legendary committee.
22:55That's busy as fuck, all right.
22:56We brought the mountain to, Muhammad,
22:58and we'll keep bringing it.
23:00But now Muhammad would like a pint.
23:02I don't think he was much of a drinker.
23:04Not with this sort of service.
23:05All done.
23:05I just need a signature.
23:08Where are you going now?
23:09Dad has to sign it.
23:11It's still his name over the feckin' door.
23:13Well, my optimism is winning.
23:22Dad?
23:24It's really busy downstairs.
23:26Yeah, I know.
23:27I can hear.
23:28I need your autograph again.
23:30Those groupies of yours are relentless.
23:42Should I close the door behind me?
23:45That's the way they work.
23:46There's talk of a beast.
24:14They whisper the name Doorku.
24:17Do you believe it, Andagda?
24:19Believe?
24:19What does it matter what we believe?
24:21Andagda will hunt it.
24:23And if it be real,
24:24Andagda will find it.
24:26And Andagda
24:28will
24:29tame it.
24:30Okay, we start kiss by horse chair here.
24:41Then you
24:42clean her feet
24:43to here.
24:44Oh, I think
24:45he wants you to sweep me off my feet.
24:48Gotcha, Zach.
24:49Then
24:49more kiss-kiss on table
24:51as camera moves around to see...
24:53Mama on the loose.
24:54Mama on the loose.
24:56Woohoo!
24:59Gotcha.
25:00In terms of the...
25:02The physicality.
25:09The physicality, right.
25:10And the nudity and whatnot.
25:14Right, so normally we would have an intimacy coordinator on set
25:18that would deal with any of the actors' discomfort,
25:20but because we didn't know that this relationship was of this nature...
25:26Fresh.
25:27We didn't hire anyone...
25:29It'll be fine.
25:30Um, we're all big, boys and girls.
25:35Yeah, I'm sure it'll be grand.
25:37It's all make-believe anyway, isn't it?
25:42It's fun.
25:44It's fun stuff.
25:46Okay, you sure?
25:47Yeah, yeah.
25:48Just happy to be here.
25:51My old pal, Ali de Botton, used to say that intimacy is the capacity
25:56to be rather weird with someone.
25:58And to find out that that's okay with them.
26:01It'll be...
26:02Weird.
26:03Get freaky on Dagda.
26:05Unleash the power of the guard of fertility.
26:08And agriculture.
26:13Will do.
26:14You know, fucking Brando.
26:15And be super sexy.
26:18Yeah?
26:19I'm not close, guys.
26:38Hey, thank you.
26:39Pause music.
26:42Stop music.
26:43Big mad truck riding the snow to go viral.
26:45Volume zero.
26:47I don't pull it.
26:48Make a scene.
26:49Halt music.
26:49I don't clean, but let me tell you I got this straight.
26:51Stop it on the old.
26:52Double music.
26:55What are you doing?
26:57Haven't made my pizzas in ages.
26:59What is going on with you?
27:02What, am I getting a wellness check?
27:04They're just fecking pizzas.
27:06Why are you telling everyone you got abducted by aliens?
27:11Because it's true, Catherine.
27:14I mean, look, it was funny at the start.
27:17You know, now it's just all getting a bit weird.
27:21I mean, are you saying it just to get some attention?
27:24Why would I want attention?
27:26I just want to be honest.
27:29Now.
27:30Because it's been making me sick.
27:33My guts are in bits.
27:34For years, it's made me physically sick.
27:39Do you know what it's like to have to lie about something day in and day out?
27:42All the secrecy and the shame.
27:45But now it's hard to me.
27:47Like a tumour.
27:48Or a cancerous cyst.
27:49Will you just stop?
27:51You're making it sound like some miraculous breakthrough.
27:55When actually you've just been going round the town telling everyone that you and Wendy,
27:59er, what's her face?
28:01Are the new Mork and fucking Mindy.
28:03And she doesn't even know what you're talking about.
28:05Why does that matter?
28:07Because you're a laughingstock.
28:09Do you hear the one about the doctor who got abducted?
28:13Like, that's you.
28:15You might need a punchline for that.
28:17No, you are the punchline.
28:19I mean, do you actually think anyone really believes you?
28:21Of course they believe me.
28:23Why wouldn't they?
28:25I've gone into great detail.
28:27Ah, detail.
28:28That will convince them.
28:29You know, you don't want to be too vague about your alien abduction.
28:35They do believe me.
28:36Aye.
28:37I'm the town doctor, for God's sake.
28:40Why wouldn't they believe me?
28:41I have tamed the wild-weathered storms, given life.
28:54Now I must take leave from the cold.
28:57The fires may warm your fair skin.
29:02But what of your insides?
29:04What was that?
29:30I just...
29:31I'm afraid.
29:32The wilderness end.
29:34Moooo!
29:43Is he...
29:45I'm sorry, is he being a cow?
29:47Moooo!
29:49Cut!
29:51Sorry, just went with an impulse.
29:53Should I also incorporate some animal work?
29:57I've done six productions of Equus.
30:00That's far too much, Equus.
30:02Could I, um, take five?
30:04I think I've overdone the protein shakes.
30:06Take five.
30:07Uh, please, take five.
30:12Anyone from makeup good with beard rash?
30:14Oh, yep, yep, yep, yep.
30:18Oh, it's really crunchy.
30:20Sorry, love.
30:22You're a little over-crisped.
30:23Oh, the health board.
30:23Oh, the health board called?
30:27The health board?
30:28Yeah.
30:29Oh, let me guess.
30:32Was this, uh, Dr. Klingon and the Men in Black health board by any chance?
30:36No, the medical health board.
30:39What do they want?
30:40Just to talk to Dad.
30:41That's probably nothing.
30:46Oh, yeah.
30:47I mean, I'm sure they're grand about one of their GPs telling their patients that they got sucked up into a flying saucer.
30:52Your mother thinks that no one believes me, that they're all mocking me behind my back.
31:04Do you believe me?
31:05Uh, we believe that you believe.
31:12That you saw something that you believe.
31:16I'm convinced.
31:18You want proof, is it?
31:20Well, I mean, I wouldn't say no.
31:23I suppose I thought my word was enough.
31:27But if it's hard evidence you require, then maybe you're a man of science after all.
31:35So, is he going to come back with a little alien or something?
31:39Hears open.
31:39Ha, ha, ha.
31:40Ha, ha, ha.
31:42Ha, ha.
31:57Ha, ha, ha.
32:07see i couldn't play the trombone before i know i can
32:20the aliens taught you how to play the trombone how long were you up there yeah shamas how long
32:31did you attend this intergalactic music camp it wasn't a music camp don't you see they gave me
32:40the knowledge i didn't know it at the time but afterwards i had an uncontrollable urge to play
32:46this instrument without ever picking one up before i just knew i could play it how's that for proof
32:52it's looking really cool on camera what my fucking moon is there anything that i can do to help look
33:04i know it's awkward right i know it is but you have to ask her to stop licking my ears licking your ears
33:10i'm not approved or anything but when she licks that far down my ear hole i can't hear the fucking
33:15dialogue so you want me to ask jemima roland's to stop licking into your ear holes missing my cues man
33:21well can't you kind of bob and weave when you see her tongue coming at you she's so fast for her age
33:27it's all the pilates
33:29sorry i was just could you leave us for a moment please i absolutely can
33:38james i'm going to give you the same advice i gave to toby garfield or andrew mcguire or whatever
33:45the fuck his name is miss roland stick with it dipshit jemima i've not been totally straight with
33:53you are you gay no no truth is i'm married james i've been married four times we're actors we're not
34:02really going to to intercourse of course i know that but my wife she gets really jealous and it's
34:08all making me feel a little fucking weird your wife's not here james no i know she's in prison
34:12your wife is in prison yeah and she's gonna see it eventually and i don't know how she's gonna react
34:17and this whole love scene thing is a little like new to us both oh sorry why is your wife in prison
34:23she stabbed a banker with a spark in front of manji okay right no no he's fine he's fine
34:29the evening fucker ripped her dad's pension but she got 18 months for it and she's struggling
34:34you know and we had fertility issues and she's no time to see her surrogate she's in mountjoy
34:40and her wee girl is inside my sister and i'm just feeling a little untethered you know so at home
34:49your sister is growing your baby and at work you're having sex with your mother yeah and i'm a scorpio
35:00oh the studio they turned me down for the lead part in catfishing with cleopatra
35:06for age reasons and then they offered me the mother role in this and that does something to
35:12your head you know yeah sorry if i was coming on a bit strong by the way they're fucking idiots
35:17there is not a man alive that would not cut off his right ear to have those lips on his neck
35:23thanks big jim i needed to hear that
35:31wow i don't think i'm ever going to get used to being kissed by jemima fucking moments
35:42because you're mad
35:50ricky is off
35:56four pounds three siders for two we chase her shell and fuck it we'll take a pot of tea as well
36:09i mean how is that proof it's like playing tennis and saying it proves that you shot jfk
36:15well for what it's worth i believe your dad no way did he shoot jfk
36:21i don't get it what does he want
36:23seems what every dad wants i suppose
36:25to be mysterious enough that nobody interrupts their timeline fucking computer games
36:29what else is he bullshitting about
36:31what i can't hear you
36:33oh no worries i can just talk louder
36:35you know what might be even better give me a fucking hand
36:37oh oh right sure yeah no like pulling pints
36:40no i'd put this on and bus tables
36:43i'm a rocket man
36:48burning out his shoes are very long
36:52and i think it's gonna be a long long time
37:01cause i think it brings me round again to find
37:04i'm not a man and i think i am at home
37:07oh no no no
37:09i'm a rocket man
37:12rocket man
37:15burning out his shoes are very long
37:18why have you been avoiding me
37:22and why did you tutus me in the pub
37:25why are you holding a trombone
37:28we're filming
37:40i've been able to play ever since at night
37:43i don't know how
37:45or why
37:46this is what i am now wendy
37:48a tromboner
37:50ask kyle tia wahak
37:54what was that
37:56i just agreed with you in aramaic
37:59i am fluent in a language that hasn't been popular for a thousand years
38:03and i have no idea why either
38:06what the fuck
38:12and that smell
38:15what was it
38:16a mixture of burnt hair
38:20and
38:21banana bread
38:22exactly that
38:24i can't touch the stuff now
38:27i always wonder what happened to that alpaca
38:31poor bastard
38:32it can't just be us wendy
38:35there must be others
38:37oh fuck
38:38shaming
38:39i can hardly handle the two of us
38:42i'm done in drombone
38:48i have a few days left of shooting and then i'm out of here
38:52i'm sorry if you feel alone
38:56or lost at sea
38:58that's what happens when you build a fucking canoe
39:02so that's your way then
39:07back to your fancy parties and drink stews
39:11that's not my life
39:12martinis up
39:15huh
39:16that is
39:18our last shot of the day
39:20uh huh
39:23they need me
39:27they're not alone
39:41shamey wait
39:43doesn't feel right
39:52just going off without
39:53what
39:57go on just say it
40:01that's it
40:02shamey i'm pretty sure your wife is cheating on you
40:11jesus wendy
40:12can't you give it a rest
40:14how much revenge can one woman take
40:18this is not revenge
40:19you're leaving
40:20you got what you wanted
40:22there's no need to wreck my head on your way out the door
40:24well i'm not lying
40:25i've simply grown an aversion to people being left in the dark
40:28i didn't want you to look foolish
40:31we should have stayed in fucking america then
40:35yeah
40:36i probably should have
40:38sonny
40:53this is the next sanctuary
40:59safe home now
41:00where the universe is free
41:05you can find it anywhere
41:10the future has been so
41:13every night we're gone
41:16and we need to karaoke songs
41:22how we like to sing a lot
41:27fucking doggers
41:34yeah
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41:34
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