- 2 days ago
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00:15Okay, let's give this a go.
00:18Yeah, welcome.
00:19G'day.
00:20My name is Toby Buchanan, and welcome to...
00:24Yeah, g'day.
00:26My name is...
00:38Welcome, welcome.
00:40Welcome, should I say welcome?
00:41Or should I?
00:42Welcome, g'day, and welcome.
00:43Right.
00:50Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, brace yourself.
00:51Use your knees, he's a big boy.
00:53Kill her.
00:53My name is Toby Buchanan, and this is my true crime podcast, Small Town Scandal, where
00:59I try and solve the mystery of...
01:02Actually, we'll get to that later.
01:05It all began two days ago, I guess.
01:08There I was, in between jobs, and crashing at my mum's place.
01:15Arch, who are these dresses for anyway?
01:18They're for frocks in the fields.
01:20I don't know why I agreed to do it again this year.
01:23I must be a sucker for punishment.
01:25We've gone for a native bird theme, which is actually very creatively stimulating.
01:31Surely I'm too big to model them.
01:33Well, not for some of the women around here.
01:35I want you to try on this fascinator.
01:38This is the tui.
01:40It's beautiful, Mum.
01:44Anyway, how's your CV going?
01:46Have you managed to send it to the Tohoyo Times yet?
01:49Mum, the Tohoyo Times is full of fluff pieces and bridal reviews.
01:52I'm an investigative journalist, remember?
01:54I'll have you know, there was a very, very interesting article about how to make toys out of cat fur
02:00yesterday.
02:06Why would Uncle Mitch be calling me?
02:08Oh, maybe there's some good news.
02:10Go on, answer it.
02:14That was very rude.
02:16Mum, what is going on?
02:18I had a little word with him about your situation.
02:23What situation?
02:25The fact that you've been lying around your mother's house for three months after things went tits up in Australia.
02:30Mum, I'm not going to work at a motor mowing store.
02:33It's a hyper-mega store.
02:35It's prestigious.
02:36And what else are you going to do?
02:38I can't keep on paying for your cheesy snacks forever.
02:42Mum, I am an investigative...
02:45I am an investigative journalist, remember?
02:48He won't make you work in the store.
02:50You can write things for the ads.
02:53Mum, I don't want to go.
03:06I don't want to go.
03:08This is where I grew up, but recently spent a year working in Australia for a prestigious newspaper,
03:14until I wrongly exposed a pet food company for using cat and dog meat in their food for cats and
03:19dolls.
03:20The newspaper promptly went tits up, and I was left looking for any opportunity to resurrect my career.
03:28Anyways, that all led me here to the beginning of an emotional and an investigative rollercoaster.
04:02Well, well, well.
04:04What if it isn't tubby-tobes?
04:05It's Matt McKenzie.
04:07Wow, yeah.
04:07So, back in the day I went to Tohoiho College, Matt was where I met Matt McKenzie.
04:13He'd moved here from Broome, Australia, and we became fast friends.
04:18I didn't know you were back in town.
04:20Uh, yeah, I'm just back for a couple of days just visiting.
04:22Hey, last I heard you were Mr Big Shot Journalist over in Sydney.
04:25How's all that going?
04:26It's great.
04:27It's great.
04:28Yeah?
04:28What newspaper are you writing?
04:29Listen, what's going on?
04:31Like, who's that on the lawn?
04:32Is that an Australian accent I can detect there, mate?
04:35Such a big fan you want to talk like me, do you?
04:36Oh, I picked it up in Austin, haven't been able to shake you.
04:39So, who's that body on the lawn?
04:41Oh.
04:44Yes, mate.
04:44Yeah, that's, um, that's your Uncle Mitch.
04:47Dead as a doorknob.
04:49What?
05:13Oh, shit.
05:14Oh, God.
05:15Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
05:16Brace yourself.
05:16Use your knees.
05:17He's a big boy.
05:19What's that?
05:20What happened to him?
05:21He had a heart attack.
05:23Heart attack?
05:24But all that blood.
05:26Use your brain, you clown.
05:28He had a heart attack.
05:29Fell onto the lawn.
05:31And those bloody robots ran all over him, cutting him up.
05:37Put yourself together, Thompson.
05:45My Uncle Mitch is the richest man in Tohoiho.
05:48He made his mega millions designing an automated lawnmower that doesn't require anyone to operate it.
05:56He even went so far as to call this automated mower the Buchananizer, after our family name, Buchanan.
06:04And now he's dead.
06:07Apparently he had a heart attack and then he got run over by his automated lawnmowers.
06:10Oh, gosh.
06:11What a shame.
06:12But I guess it was only a matter of time with all that pork he put away.
06:16Mum.
06:16No, I'm only being matter of fact.
06:18That's my curse.
06:20I'm honest to a fault.
06:23Oh, I guess there goes your job at the hyper mega store.
06:27So this is back to the drawing board vis-a-vis your future employment.
06:33Oh, shit.
06:35Oh, Mum, Aunty Janine's showing up.
06:37I'd better go.
06:38And I'll start ringing everyone in town and letting them know.
06:41Bye, Patrick.
06:42Bye.
06:45Get out of here.
06:46I'm not Janine.
06:48Easy.
06:50Easy.
06:51Easy.
06:52Easy now.
06:53I know.
06:53I know you.
06:54Where?
06:55Where?
06:55Where?
06:56Where?
06:56Put it down, you big girl.
06:57It's right there.
06:58It's right there.
06:59Just get out of it, would you?
07:00I'm not.
07:01I'm not.
07:03I'm not.
07:03Shit.
07:06Peter.
07:07I can't believe you're still alive, old girl.
07:10Shit.
07:11Oh.
07:13You must have seen everything.
07:16Oh, shit.
07:17Oh, shit.
07:18It's me.
07:19Shit.
07:20Oh, gee.
07:21Oh, gee.
07:25Don't you.
07:25She shouldn't be.
07:26Shit.
07:27Oh, shit.
07:29Oh, shit.
07:31Oh, shit.
07:32Oh, shit.
07:35Oh, it was a heart attack.
07:38Hardly surprising, really.
07:40Even the stressful life he led.
07:43Oh.
07:44His majesty is back.
07:46I'll pay that invoice soon, Lynn.
07:49Bye for now.
07:50Did you know that Petal was still alive?
07:52What are you talking about?
07:54Petal, the horse that Uncle Mish got me.
07:56She's still alive.
07:57Oh, for God's sake.
07:58Toby, who cares about Petal?
08:00How was your Auntie Janine?
08:01She was sobbing so much.
08:03Oh, that doesn't surprise me.
08:05She does like to be dramatic.
08:07She's a big part in the terroyo amateur dramatic society.
08:12Mind you, I will grant.
08:13She did a great job as Evita.
08:15I did her costumes, of course.
08:18So, go on.
08:19What did she do next after the sobbing?
08:22Uh, I can't remember.
08:24Mmm.
08:26No doubt she sorted the will before all this went down.
08:30Mom, it's too early to be thinking about the will.
08:32Oh, Janine will be thinking about the will.
08:34They will all be thinking about the will.
08:36Ha, ha, ha.
08:36Most certainly.
08:38Janine, his twins, Andrea.
08:40Oh, you could bet your bottom dollar.
08:42Well, make sure you put some vegetables in that pasta, please.
08:47The fiber will stave off your cravings.
08:49I wonder if your father's been left anything.
08:52Well, if so, I'd have to go straight on the booze.
08:55Mom.
08:55You know I'm right.
08:59Actually, have you called her?
09:00No, I'll do that now.
09:02That night, I couldn't get the images of Uncle Mitch's face out of my head.
09:08That, and the cheesy tomato-y pasta causing acid reflux, meant that sleep was an impossibility.
09:14So I did what I always do in Insomnia Hits.
09:16I listened to my favourite serial killer podcast.
09:20So how would Mrs. Moth communicate with you?
09:23She'll call me.
09:25But then suddenly, there it was, staring at me from my phone screen.
09:30I wanted to hear his voice one last time.
09:33Not be spun off into a murder investigation.
09:37Yeah, Toby, I was hoping to get hold of you.
09:39Come round to the mansion tomorrow afternoon, would you?
09:42Something I want to talk to you about.
09:43Yeah, uh, see you too.
09:46Hang on.
09:47What are you doing here?
09:48Do you hear the message again?
09:50Yeah, Toby, I was hoping to get hold of you.
09:52Come round to the mansion tomorrow afternoon, would you?
09:55Something I want to talk to you about.
09:57Yeah, uh, see you too.
10:00Hang on.
10:02What are you doing here?
10:05Hang on.
10:06What are you doing here?
10:08So?
10:08Okay, he left a message for me,
10:10then said to someone else,
10:12hang on, what are you doing here?
10:14And then an hour later, he was found dead.
10:17I am probably talking to a fantail that flew into the room.
10:21Oh, talking of fantails.
10:23You don't say to a fantail, hang on, what are you doing here?
10:26Well, I would.
10:28Anyway, could we do that conversation again, Mum?
10:30I'm going to record it.
10:31What? Why?
10:33I'm going to turn this into a podcast.
10:36No, I don't want to be on the internet,
10:37and you don't either.
10:39You fail speech and drama.
10:41Yeah, but, Mum, something's going on here.
10:42And in the best true crime podcasts,
10:44the mystery unfolds in real time.
10:47And who knows?
10:49If I play my cards right,
10:51maybe this will lead to some legitimate investigative...
10:57...legitimate investigative journalist work.
11:01If I play my cards right,
11:03this might lead to some legitimate investigative journalist work.
11:07And, as an effective investigative journalist,
11:10I decided to go right back to the beginning.
11:13The crime scene.
11:15The stain from where Uncle Mitch had lain
11:17as dark cred from all the bleeding he did.
11:20Don't get me wrong,
11:21I'm not an idiot that doesn't realise
11:22all the bleeding happened after he was torn up
11:24by the Buchananisers,
11:25a.k.a. the automated lawnmowers.
11:28But maybe the bleeding happened
11:30after he was killed.
11:33Toby!
11:37Janice, I'm so sorry.
11:38I didn't really ask anyone was home.
11:40Oh, I understand, I think.
11:43I've been talking to Mitchie as well.
11:48I just...
11:49I can't believe he's gone.
11:54Oh!
12:07Being in a blanket.
12:09Excuse me?
12:11Oh.
12:13I just wish I'd been there when it had happened.
12:17And I guess it was just a matter of time
12:19before his heart gave out.
12:21You know, with all those saturated fats
12:23he was putting away.
12:25And now we're not going to go on
12:26the cheese tour through the south of France.
12:29He was just so excited
12:31about experiencing all those
12:33breeze and gruyere.
12:36Where were you?
12:40I beg your pardon?
12:42We said you wished you were here to help
12:44when he passed away.
12:45I was just wondering where you were.
12:54I was sadly at the nail salon
12:58where there are many petty.
13:02Which sounds so petty.
13:09So what exactly are you trying to say, Toby?
13:11That Janine killed your Uncle Mitch?
13:14I'm just saying that I can imagine a scenario
13:16in which that was a possibility.
13:18And you're the one that said
13:19that she probably got his will sorted
13:21before he died.
13:23Where's the Coco Pops?
13:24They're empty calories.
13:26Have some cornflakes.
13:27How are you suggesting she killed him?
13:29Can't make someone have a heart attack, can you?
13:34Or can you?
13:35I mean, we always thought
13:36that she was solely after him for his money.
13:40Oh my God!
13:41What are you making me say?
13:44You're only saying it because it makes sense, Mum.
13:46And I'm not saying that he did have a heart attack.
13:48I'm just saying
13:49that maybe he was murdered
13:50and she covered it up
13:51by putting a lawnmower on his face.
13:53Oh, don't be stupid.
13:54She'd be covered in blood.
13:55Or maybe she was covered in blood
13:57but she went away,
13:58wiped herself down
13:58and then came back with all the theatrics.
14:01Or maybe she got someone else to do it.
14:05Hmm?
14:06A hired killer, if you will.
14:08Or a friend or an acquaintance.
14:11Oh, this is stupid.
14:13Look what you're making me say.
14:14I feel I'm in murder, she wrote.
14:16That show always did baffle me.
14:18I mean, if there's that many murders in your town,
14:21surely you'd just leave.
14:26With Auntie Janine as my number one suspect,
14:28I was going undercover detective mode
14:30to check her alibi.
14:33Brenda's Beauty Boutique and Nails
14:35is kind of goth.
14:36It's kind of purple meets black.
14:39Small town beauty boutique.
14:41Can I help you, love?
14:42Yes.
14:43I'll do, do.
14:44My name is Gerald
14:46and I couldn't help but notice
14:48one of your clients' toenails the other day
14:51and I thought,
14:52I must get my hands on that colour
14:54for my life partner.
14:55Her name is Janine Crozier Buchanan.
14:58That was your client.
14:59My life partner's called Bren...
15:01Bren...
15:01She's called Brenda.
15:03That's my name!
15:05I didn't know there was another Brenda in town.
15:08Well, there is and she's fantastic.
15:11Anyway, so Auntie Janine's toenail polish.
15:15Janine is wearing
15:17time of the month red at the moment.
15:20Right.
15:21And is that the colour that she got
15:23last time she came in on Wednesday?
15:24She didn't come in on Wednesday,
15:26but yes, time of the month's red.
15:29So she didn't come in on Wednesday.
15:31She hasn't come in in a month, ironically.
15:33That'll be $14, please.
15:37Oh, yes.
15:41I just realised I've left my wallet in my car.
15:44I'm just going to go.
15:45If you just hold that there,
15:46I'll just go and grab for my car.
15:48I'm just around the corner.
15:50Bingo.
15:51I had a strong suspect
15:52and now it was time to make this official.
15:57The Tohoyo Police Station
15:58has a blast from the 90s past.
16:00It's got a pastel pink trim
16:05and a faux lavender floral display.
16:08The receptionist is a stern-looking woman
16:10who's at one with the chair.
16:12Who are you talking to?
16:14Oh, I'm doing a podcast.
16:17Is that an Australian accent?
16:20I've just got this big job over in Sydney
16:22and I picked up the accent there
16:24and I've been unable to kick it.
16:26That's weird.
16:28Yeah.
16:31Anyway, I'm Toby Buchanan.
16:33I'm an investigative journalist
16:34and my uncle, Mitch.
16:36I died the other day.
16:37I know.
16:38No matter of time
16:39with the amount of booze he put away.
16:41Yeah.
16:42I was wondering if there was a policeman
16:44that I could...
16:45Or woman.
16:47Or person.
16:48Police person
16:49that I could talk to about it.
16:53Sergeant Brown,
16:54there's a joker here
16:55who wants to talk to you.
16:56Tell them I'm not here.
16:57Right-o.
17:00He says come on through.
17:02Great.
17:03Thank you so much.
17:05But Mitch had a heart attack.
17:07But how are you sure
17:08about the heart attack?
17:10That's what the coroner's report said.
17:12Okay.
17:13And then he tragically fell in line
17:15with his automated lawnmowers.
17:18Could I see this report?
17:20Why?
17:21I just told you what the findings were.
17:24He had a heart attack.
17:25So you don't need to see the report.
17:28Is there any chance
17:29we could open up
17:30an investigation into foul play?
17:32Just because I...
17:33I think that maybe
17:34Uncle Mitch was murdered.
17:36Just hear me out.
17:37I've got certain pieces of evidence
17:39that lead me to believe
17:41that maybe he was killed
17:42by his wife.
17:57Janine Crozier Buchanan
18:01did not kill her husband.
18:05Okay.
18:08It's just that she said
18:10she was at the beauticians
18:11when he died.
18:12You're being absolutely stupid.
18:14What a stupid thing to assert.
18:17And I'm too busy
18:19to deal with this.
18:23I'd check into grief counselling
18:24if I were you.
18:26I think your loss
18:28has made you a bit wonko.
18:31Anywho,
18:34I'd better get back
18:34to actual work.
18:35Okay, yeah.
18:37Sorry, here, look at...
18:59I just saw you in there.
19:01I've got something
19:02I need to tell you.
19:18The reason Sergeant Brown
19:20doesn't think it was Janine
19:23is because
19:25you know.
19:29Did you catch my drift?
19:32What drift?
19:34Sergeant Brown
19:35and Janine Crozier Buchanan
19:38are having it off.
19:43What?
19:44Sergeant?
19:45Be quiet.
19:47But yes,
19:48they meet at O'Reilly's hotel.
19:50I have seen
19:50their protective cars
19:51parked outside
19:52on several lunch breaks.
19:55Do you think
19:56they were there
19:57two days ago?
19:58Couldn't be certain.
20:00But they probably were.
20:02Their clandestine meetings
20:03have been becoming
20:04obsessively regular.
20:07But you let anyone
20:09know I told you
20:09when you're nux of mine, mate.
20:11Okay.
20:11So, there you go.
20:13Auntie Janine
20:13was having it off
20:14with another man.
20:15Could Auntie Janine
20:17and Sergeant Brown
20:17have conscribed
20:18to have Uncle Mitch
20:19taken out
20:19to get his money?
20:21Or was Sergeant Brown
20:22a jealous lover
20:23not wanting to share?
20:27Toby!
20:28I need you to model again
20:30for Abby McPherson's dress.
20:32I'm coming!
20:37Toby!
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