- 19 hours ago
Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a couple's getaway Dave and his wife went on that ended up with Dave receiving a full body scrub from a strong Russian lady.
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00:00Chuck, I found a new treat. It is buttery, vanilla, and sweet, no sugar, and a boost of caffeine.
00:05That sounds amazing.
00:06It is. Here, confetti craze from 5-Hour Energy.
00:09Oh, wow. Sweet.
00:11So where's this cake you're talking about?
00:13Idiot, that is the cake!
00:23I have to tell you about my weekend that involved a very handsy Russian lady.
00:30Okay.
00:31What did you do, Dave?
00:31I've been looking for that.
00:34So, okay, so Amber and I had a little couples getaway.
00:37I bet. I bet you did.
00:39Oh, relax.
00:40It was like her Christmas gift to me.
00:42Okay.
00:43Right?
00:43Now, is this a couples getaway or a couple getaway?
00:47Just us, Chuck.
00:47Because you said couples.
00:49Couples as in, that's what people call it, a couples getaway.
00:51I would call it a couple if I were you.
00:53Okay.
00:53One couple getting away.
00:55Yeah.
00:56Couple couples.
00:56With no other couples involved.
00:57Okay, that's good.
00:58So, anyway, she, that, you know, we've decided instead of buying stuff for each other, we're
01:04just going to plan little experiences.
01:06Sure.
01:07Right?
01:07Sure.
01:07And so that was, her gift to me was a weekend away.
01:12So, we, you know, went away.
01:16Amber had set everything up.
01:17Dinners and also a spa.
01:21Here we go again.
01:23Another spa session.
01:24Another spa session.
01:25Amber loves a spa session.
01:26Yeah.
01:26Sure.
01:26So, I just, it's her gift to me, AKA, she's also getting stuff done.
01:32Right.
01:32Yeah.
01:33Of course.
01:33So, when she booked it online, she didn't read it through what this service was.
01:40There's been a few times where she doesn't read things fully through.
01:43She doesn't.
01:44She's a skimmer.
01:45Yeah.
01:45Right.
01:46She's like, yeah, looks good.
01:47Looks good.
01:48Skim, skim, skim.
01:48So, she booked both of us the same thing.
01:50They come out to get us to take us back to the rooms for the service.
01:54Okay.
01:55She has the most gorgeous, gorgeous Asian woman I've ever seen in my life.
02:01Son of a bitch.
02:02No, like, you guys, this woman could be a model.
02:06She was that attractive.
02:08And.
02:08And I get.
02:10Helga.
02:11Hungry Helga.
02:12Yeah.
02:12The Russian immigrant.
02:14She's going to be rough on you.
02:15Oh, you could tell she was mean.
02:18If he dies, he dies.
02:19Mr. Hunter.
02:21You with me.
02:23I'm like, oh, my God.
02:24Can I get the cute Asian?
02:25No, you can't.
02:27You can't.
02:27You can't ask for that, by the way.
02:28I thought that in my head.
02:29Can you imagine if I said that?
02:30No.
02:30Actually, can I take the cute Asian?
02:32Nope.
02:32You just got to keep going until you get it.
02:34Oh, my God.
02:34That'd be the end of spa weekend.
02:36Yeah.
02:36Done.
02:37If you said that.
02:37Done.
02:38Yeah.
02:38So, anyways, Amber goes into her room with her beautiful, model-like, Asian masseuse.
02:45I go with Greedy Gretchen.
02:48Oh, yeah.
02:49She takes me into a room.
02:50You guys, it wasn't a regular massage.
02:53What was it?
02:54Which Amber and I had a big discussion about later, about how she has to read things through.
02:58Okay.
02:59Oh, what was it?
03:00It was a body scrub.
03:02Huh?
03:03You went through that?
03:04And massage.
03:05You got scrubbed?
03:07This woman scrubbed me down.
03:09So, you don't have a single piece of old skin on you?
03:12Not at...
03:12Listen, I'm surprised I have any skin.
03:14Yeah.
03:15Greedy Gretchen.
03:15I thought she was using sandpaper.
03:17Well, she probably was.
03:18And you know, when you're trying to be a man about it, and you're like, mm, mm.
03:21Yeah.
03:22It was so effing sore.
03:24I thought I was bleeding.
03:26I thought, well, my back is probably bleeding out right now.
03:28Oh, no.
03:29No.
03:29But she had to rinse you off.
03:30She had to rinse you, right?
03:31So, there's a shower in the room.
03:34Uh-huh.
03:35Very nice.
03:36So uncomfortable, that whole thing.
03:38But it's totally uncomfortable.
03:40Because she's like, I prefer you not wear underwear, but there are some if you must.
03:44Oh, my God.
03:45Not wear underwear?
03:46Yeah, I prefer I don't either.
03:47Because she was scrubbing right up.
03:48She wasn't.
03:49She doesn't go to the genitals.
03:50Yeah.
03:51But she went close.
03:52Scrub your ass cheeks?
03:54No, right to the bottom of the cheeks.
03:56Oh, I bet.
03:57That didn't seem confident, did it?
03:58So, she exfoliated everything but your ass cheeks?
04:01I bet the genital area.
04:03Come on.
04:03Yes.
04:04No, they did not.
04:05You can't just leave one area.
04:07You can't.
04:08She did not.
04:09I don't want an old ass.
04:10Your ass is now like seven years older than the rest of your body.
04:14Anyways, Lisa.
04:15I'll just talk to Lisa because she's the reasonable one here.
04:19So, she says, okay, I would leave room, you shower, and then lay back down.
04:26Okay?
04:28So, she does her business.
04:31Yeah.
04:31She leaves.
04:32I get up.
04:34Of course, I'm nude.
04:34In the shower.
04:36It's like frosted glass.
04:38Sure.
04:38The room is dark.
04:39The light's on in the shower.
04:41She comes back into the room.
04:42Hello, Dave.
04:43Well, she wanted you naked.
04:45What?
04:46And I'm like, oh!
04:47So, I'm facing the other way because you can see.
04:50This is awesome.
04:51You can see right into the shower.
04:53Come on in.
04:54She had to change the bedding because it was all full of all the scrub salt before the massage.
05:01So, she's doing that, but doesn't tell me that she's going to come back in.
05:06Right.
05:07And then I wait to hear the door close again for her to leave before I can come out of
05:11the shower.
05:12Right.
05:12And dry off and get back on the table.
05:15It was the weirdest experience.
05:17Yeah, the massages I've seen in the shower, usually they get right in.
05:21And then they put soap all over themselves.
05:24Okay, this was a professional place, Chuck.
05:26It wasn't a...
05:27But she was...
05:29Not only did she almost scrub my skin right off of me, the massage, oh my God.
05:34I mean, it felt good, but beat me down.
05:37She was an angry Russian.
05:38She got in there.
05:39They got a lot to be upset about right now, you know?
05:41That's true.
05:41They got a lot to be upset about.
05:43I mean, she should be happy.
05:44She's not there.
05:45Well.
05:46Oh, yeah.
05:48But it was...
05:48So I come out, I'm like, Amber, did you maybe want to mention to me that I was going to
05:54be scrubbed down by this angry Russian lady?
05:56She's like, oh, I booked some sort of glow and flow special.
05:59I don't know.
06:00Oh, no.
06:00And that's what it was.
06:02But they were probably...
06:03Like, her experience was probably great.
06:05Oh, she said she was wonderful.
06:06That tiny little Asian lady.
06:08No.
06:08She did exfoliating and...
06:10Light rubbing of all of her entire body by an Asian lady.
06:14Oh, my God.
06:14You just had a beast.
06:17I got the bad end of that deal.
06:18You know?
06:19Your skin must be so smooth today.
06:21It's incredible, but I don't know if I want to go through that again.
06:25I'm wondering if I would be hairless after that experience.
06:28Like if all...
06:29Scrub the hair right off you?
06:30Yeah, like that the...
06:31It would almost be like sandpaper removing it.
06:35I don't...
06:36Extra rinse.
06:37Yeah.
06:37Yeah.
06:38I mean, that...
06:39Trust me.
06:39The bed, the bed...
06:40You're going to have to clean the bed a bit after that.
06:43Because if I just lay down in one, you got to clean it.
06:47You know?
06:47I'm going to leave some of me behind every time.
06:50There's a lot of chuck left behind.
06:52Yep.
06:53No, it was just a very...
06:54I've never had someone else scrub down my body before besides my wife.
06:58Right.
06:58Right.
06:59That's odd.
06:59I've had it done once.
07:00Have you?
07:01Yeah.
07:02I didn't like it.
07:02No, I...
07:03I was just...
07:03I'm like, this is weird.
07:05It was.
07:05I mean, I like how it felt after, but I didn't.
07:08The process of a Russian lady...
07:10What do they do to your nipples?
07:11They don't touch your nipples, Chuck.
07:13Well, I mean, they got to do your chest, right?
07:15They don't touch your nipples.
07:16I just wondered.
07:17They don't touch your nipples.
07:18Yeah, they did your chest and butt.
07:19No, they go around the nipples.
07:20Mm-hmm.
07:21Why?
07:22Because that's a sensitive nip-killer area.
07:24I don't know if you could actually have, like, sandpaper on the nipples.
07:27That might even be a little more set around the nipples.
07:31Yeah, like a tease.
07:32A tease for you.
07:34Nipples.
07:35All right, Jason.
07:35You weirdo.
07:36I mean...
07:37Over to perverts.
07:38You're the one getting scrubbed on.
07:39Yeah.
07:39Showering with Russian ladies.
07:41What do you want me to say about it?
07:43I wasn't showering with her.
07:44She just happened to be in the room.
07:46She thought about it.
07:47Yeah, I didn't shower with any ladies this weekend, so that was...
07:50Oh, no.
07:50That's too bad.
07:51It wasn't as exciting as Dave's weekend.
07:53No.
07:53No.
07:53That's too bad.
07:54I mean, I guess I got to pay for it, like Dave.
07:57You know?
07:58Or get your wife, too.
07:59My who?
08:00My who?
08:01Your ex.
08:01Yeah, my who?
08:02You're now ex.
08:04She's not buying me any massages these days.
08:07That'd be weird if she did.
08:08I bet I'm paying for some, though.
08:09Oh, sure.
08:10Yeah?
08:11Sure.
08:11You
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