00:00Buttery, vanilla, sweet, moist.
00:03The flavor and funfetti vibe of the perfect birthday cake in a two-ounce bottle.
00:08You're a deeply troubled man.
00:10Yes.
00:12Five-hour energy.
00:13Confetti craze.
00:21Dave and Chuck the Freaks, pervert of the day.
00:26We heard initial reports about this guy a little while ago,
00:29and now, finally, they have arrested a Baltimore County paramedic
00:36after he was jerking off in his co-workers' food, pissing in their food.
00:43Yep.
00:44Yep.
00:45Doing all sorts of crap.
00:48They got to catch you.
00:49That's the one thing I know.
00:53Why does he do it?
00:55Why does he have to say it?
00:58He's been filling you up for years, man.
01:00It's okay.
01:00It's been one.
01:01Filling you up.
01:02I believe is what he said.
01:03How did you put that?
01:04He said filling you up for years.
01:08Yum, yum.
01:10If I found out you jerked off in my food,
01:13and it took the cops months to do anything about it,
01:17I think some personal justice would have to happen.
01:20I don't know.
01:21I mean, there's a coffee maker back there that's easily accessible.
01:25There's a lot of different sweet creams now.
01:29Oh, yeah, I didn't think about the sweet cream.
01:31Lisa.
01:32You can't be on board with this.
01:33You can't be on board with this.
01:34You can't be on board with this.
01:34I'm not on board.
01:35No, it's very easy to hide your bodily fluids in sweet cream.
01:38Everyone knows that.
01:40I mean, I know that.
01:41I know it firsthand.
01:44I know it.
01:45Exhibit A.
01:46Clip of today's show.
01:47I'm debating how mad you'd be if I went and grabbed your cream right now.
01:50I'd be really mad.
01:51Okay.
01:53Don't ever.
01:53Our cream.
01:54Don't ever.
01:54Oh, yes.
01:55No.
01:56It's ours.
01:56We do not share.
01:57We share cream.
01:58We do not share cream.
01:59Share cream.
02:00There's no cream being shared ever, ever in the history of the world.
02:04I feed them both.
02:05Can I tell you, I've been sharing a room with Court for like, what, three minutes now?
02:10And you said sweet cream and Court went, oh.
02:12Oh, my God.
02:14That was his only reaction.
02:16I wish I had the eject button.
02:18I'll do it for you, Al.
02:19Oh, no.
02:20I keep it down.
02:20I kept it down.
02:21Oh, come on.
02:23It's poor music, Clay.
02:26Makes it worse when there's porn music.
02:28They really did.
02:28They really did.
02:29I'm glad to give him the thumbs down.
02:31Yeah.
02:31See?
02:32I knew.
02:32I don't need those sounds next to me.
02:35I had a sweet cream premonition.
02:38I got to clear my search history here.
02:41Because we talked about him before, right?
02:43We did, yeah.
02:44When this case first came to light.
02:46So in the search bar, all I did was type tatted, and his whole stuff comes up.
02:50Oh, wow.
02:51Everything about this guy.
02:52Really?
02:52Yeah, his like from the website and everything.
02:55You know what you have to do?
02:55I need to clear out all the cookies.
02:58You do.
02:58Did we look at the stuff before?
02:59We did, yeah.
03:00Yeah, we looked at it.
03:01But it's all like covered in...
03:03No, I have him.
03:04We have it.
03:04He posted...
03:05I don't think we saw this specific stuff, but he has like stuff on the porn sites.
03:10Yeah, we had found his...
03:13I remember these, but they're all like covered in black.
03:16I feel like we saw some stuff of him actually doing things.
03:20Well, we did, because there's one that I just pulled up, and he does the Goatsy.
03:26Yeah.
03:26You'll remember.
03:28Yeah.
03:29How long ago was this?
03:32Last year, right?
03:33Yeah, it was about two months ago now.
03:35I mean...
03:36Oh, two months?
03:37Two months.
03:37Two months ago.
03:38Yeah, we already forgot two months ago.
03:39Like some of the videos are tagged, co-worker toothpaste vandalism, sounding and rubbing
03:45my co-worker's chapstick on my day, pissing in my co-worker's dressing.
03:50Do you have any chapstick over there?
03:51I do not.
03:52Pissing in my co-worker's jelly.
03:54Not my jelly, man.
03:55Making Dave some mama life.
03:59God, you wouldn't want that as your co-worker.
04:01You'd want to do the worst to them.
04:03You'd want them gone.
04:06Well, I mean, I don't know about that.
04:08It's a little extreme, Dave, but I'm with it.
04:11I feel like if you finish on a toothbrush, you can be gone.
04:15Yeah.
04:16Gone, gone?
04:17Gone, again, gone.
04:18Don't finish on a toothbrush.
04:19It's only a misdemeanor, you know?
04:21Like all this stuff is only a misdemeanor.
04:23It's not that big a deal.
04:25Is it when there's bodily fluids?
04:27It's only a misdemeanor.
04:28Chuck's looked into it.
04:29It's only a misdemeanor.
04:31I'll be a little slap on the wrist.
04:33Making Dave some mama life.
04:36Okay.
04:37Yeah.
04:38Good night.
04:39You're comfortable by death.
04:41Kitchy, kitchy, ya-ya, mama.
04:44Okay.
04:44Really?
04:45Oka-chooka-la-la, ya.
04:48You ever going to be able to spread marmaline on your toast?
04:51Thank God I don't like it.
04:52Thank God I don't like it.
04:52It's a mama-la-la.
04:55Dave's AI toothbrush is like, help me.
04:57Yeah.
04:58I've been violated.
04:59It smiled at me before, too.
05:02No, it would send me a report.
05:03Illegal substance located on me.
05:08Tiny hairy man has touched me.
05:09It's pregnant.
05:12I am with child.
05:15I cleaned my insides.
05:17Okay.
05:18God almighty.
05:19What's wrong with your head, man?
05:20You're a pig.
05:21Yep.
05:22You got it.
05:23Little traveling toothbrush next to it the next morning.
05:27Yep.
05:28You got so many problems, dude.
05:31So many problems.
05:33What's it smell?
05:34Who's breathing?
05:36That's you smelling your toothbrush.
05:38Yeah, that was you smelling your toothbrush.
05:39After it was inside him.
05:40After it was in my bar.
05:45Lady A-hole over here has got to go.
05:47I love naughty Lady Marmalade.
05:49It's a hit.
05:50Do you?
05:52I don't.
05:53Yeah.
05:55Semen and his mama lie.
05:59Yep.
06:00Yeah, that's all fun and games until it's in yours.
06:03That's fine.
06:04You can do it to mine.
06:05Oh, really?
06:05You're okay with that?
06:06You're ready to kill him a second ago.
06:08We thought he should be dead.
06:09I wouldn't do it.
06:10I'd be really mad at him, but when he's saying that, I'd laugh.
06:12Yeah.
06:13I'd be like, ah.
06:14It wouldn't be as effective because I know Dave would want to kill,
06:17and that, to me, would be the ultimate in fun.
06:21You piss or finish in my stuff?
06:23Oh, man.
06:25No.
06:26We can no longer talk because you'll be tits up.
06:32Ah, well.
06:33It's fun.
06:34That kind of stuff is fun.
06:36Is it?
06:36We're like Motley Crue.
06:37We're not.
06:38You know?
06:39We're just doing crazy things to each other all the time,
06:41except it's just me doing stuff to you.
06:43Yeah.
06:45Oh, yeah.
06:46Yeah, really, Mr. Chuckle Guns over there is having the best old time.
06:49He does enjoy it.
06:51Lady Marmalade.
06:53I didn't expect to sing it this much today.
06:56When he sings, it makes me laugh.
06:58What do you want me to say?
06:59There's no jelly song I can really sing, so.
07:02No.
07:04Did you try to drink it with the lid closed?
07:06Yeah, I closed it during that segment.
07:07He closed it because he didn't want to take my stuff in it.
07:11Just in case.
07:12Yeah, he's like, I better close all my things.
07:13I better close everything just in case.
07:16But I don't even know if I can.
07:18But I didn't know if I can.
07:18You
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