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00:15Okay let's give this a go. Yeah, welcome. G'day. My name is Toby Buchanan and welcome
00:24Yeah, uh, g'day. My name is, uh, welcome. Welcome, welcome. Should I say welcome? Should I, uh, welcome, g'day and
00:43welcome. Right.
00:43Come on. Whoa, whoa, whoa, brace yourself, use your knees, he's a big boy. G'day. My name is Toby Buchanan
00:55and this is my true crime podcast, Small Town Scandal, where I try and solve the mystery of, actually we'll
01:03get to that later.
01:05It all began two days ago, I guess. There I was, in between jobs and crashing at my mum's place.
01:15Arch, who are these dresses for anyway? They're for frocks in the fields. I don't know why I agreed to
01:21do it again this year. I must be a sucker for punishment.
01:25We've gone for a native bird theme, which is actually very creatively stimulating. Surely I'm too big to model them.
01:33Well, not for some of the women around here. I want you to try on this fascinator. This is the
01:39tui.
01:40It's beautiful, Mum.
01:42Mm-hmm. Anyway, uh, how's your CV going? Have you managed to send it to the Tohoyo Times yet?
01:49Mum, the Tohoyo Times is full of fluff pieces and bridal reviews. I'm an investigative journalist, remember?
01:54I'll have you know there was a very, very interesting article about how to make toys out of cat fur
02:00yesterday.
02:06Why would Uncle Rich be calling me?
02:08Oh, um, maybe there's some good news. Go on, answer it.
02:14That was very rude.
02:16Mum, what is going on?
02:18I had a... I had a little word with him about your situation.
02:23What situation?
02:25The fact that you've been lying around your mother's house for three months after things went tits up in Australia.
02:30Mum, I'm not going to work at a motor mowing store.
02:33It's a hyper-mega store. It's prestigious. And what else are you going to do?
02:38I can't keep on paying for your cheesy snacks forever.
02:42Mum, I am an investigative...
02:45I am an investigative journalist, remember?
02:48He won't make you work in the store.
02:50You can write things for the ads.
02:53Please, Mum, I don't want to go. I don't want to go.
02:55I decided to do the mature thing and take Mum's car and go and talk to my Uncle Mitch.
03:01Uncle Mitch lives on the other side of the small New Zealand town of Tehoiho,
03:05a town completely obsessed with horses.
03:08This is where I grew up, but recently spent a year working in Australia for a prestigious newspaper,
03:14until I wrongly exposed a pet food company for using cat and dog meat in their food for cats and
03:19dogs.
03:20The newspaper promptly went tits up, and I was left looking for any opportunity to resurrect my career.
03:28Anyways, that all led me here,
03:30to the beginning of an emotional and an investitative rollercoaster.
04:02Well, well, well.
04:04If it isn't Tubby Toe!
04:05It's Matt McKenzie.
04:07So, back in the day I went to Tehoiho College,
04:11Matt was where I met Matt McKenzie.
04:13He'd moved here from Broome, Australia, and we became fast friends.
04:18I didn't know you were back in town.
04:20Uh, yeah, I'm just back for a couple of days just visiting.
04:22Hey, last I heard you were Mr Big Shot Journalist over in Sydney.
04:25How's all that going?
04:26It's great. It's great.
04:28Yeah? What newspaper you write?
04:29Mission, what's going on? Like, who's that on the lawn?
04:32Is that an Australian accent I can detect there, mate?
04:35Such a big fan, you want to talk like me, do you?
04:36Oh, I picked it up in Austin, haven't been able to shake it.
04:39So, who's that body on the lawn?
04:41Oh!
04:44Yes, mate. Yeah, that's, um...
04:46That's your Uncle Mitch.
04:48Dead as a doorknob.
04:48What?
05:13Oh, shit.
05:14Oh, shit.
05:15Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, brace yourself.
05:16Use your knees, he's a big boy.
05:17Oh, oh, what happened to him?
05:21He had a heart attack.
05:23Heart attack? But all that blood.
05:26Use your brain, you clown.
05:28He had a heart attack, fell onto the lawn.
05:30And those bloody robots ran all over him, cutting him up.
05:38Put yourself together, Tubbs.
05:45My Uncle Mitch is the richest man in Tohoiho.
05:48He made us mega millions designing an automated lawnmower that doesn't require anyone to operate it.
05:55Get out of here!
05:56He even went so far as to call this automated mower the Buchananizer, after our family name, Buchanan.
06:04And now, he's dead.
06:07Apparently he had a heart attack, and then he got run over by his automated lawnmowers.
06:11Oh, gosh.
06:11What a shame.
06:12But I guess it was only a matter of time with all that pork he put away.
06:16Mama!
06:16No, I'm only being matter of fact.
06:18That's my curse.
06:20I'm honest to a fault.
06:23Oh, I guess there goes your job at the hyper-mega store.
06:26So this is back to the drawing board, vis-a-vis your future employment.
06:33Mitchie!
06:35Oh, Mum, Aunty Janine's showing up. I'd better go.
06:38And I'll start ringing everyone in town and letting them know.
06:41Bye, Patrick.
06:42Bye.
06:45Get out of here!
06:46I'm like Janine!
06:48Hey, easy!
06:49It's all right!
06:50It's better!
06:50It's better!
06:51Easy now!
06:53I know, I know you.
06:55Put it down, you big bloody gorilla.
06:57Just right there.
06:58Just right there.
06:58Just get out of it, would you?
07:00I...
07:02I...
07:04Shit.
07:06Petal.
07:07I can't believe you're still alive, Hulk.
07:13You must have seen everything.
07:16Oh, shit!
07:17Can he explain?
07:19Oh.
07:24Oh, don't you.
07:25She shouldn't be.
07:26She's a bitchy!
07:27Oh, Betty!
07:29Oh, it was a heart attack.
07:38Hardly surprising, really.
07:40Given the stressful life he led.
07:43Oh, his majesty is back.
07:46I'll...
07:46I'll pay that invoice soon, Link.
07:49Bye for now.
07:50Did you know that Petal was still alive?
07:52What are you talking about?
07:54Petal, the horse that Uncle Mitch got me.
07:56She's still alive.
07:57Oh, for God's sake, Toby, who cares about Petal?
08:00How was your Auntie Janine?
08:01She was sobbing so much.
08:03Oh, that doesn't surprise me.
08:05She does like to be dramatic.
08:07She's a big part in the Royal Amateur Dramatic Society.
08:11Mind you, I will grant.
08:13She did a great job as Evita.
08:15I did her costumes, of course.
08:18So, go on.
08:19What did she do next after the sobbing?
08:22Uh, I can't remember.
08:24Hmm.
08:26No doubt she sorted the will before all this went down.
08:30Mum, it's too early to be thinking about the will.
08:32Oh, Janine will be thinking about the will.
08:34They will all be thinking about the will.
08:35Oh, most certainly Janine, his twins, Andrea, or you could bet your bottom dollar.
08:43Make sure you put some vegetables in that pasta, please.
08:47The fiber will stave off your cravings.
08:49I wonder if your father's been left anything.
08:51Well, if so, no doubt it'll go straight on the booze.
08:55Mum, you know I'm right.
08:59Actually, have you called her?
09:00No, I'll do that now.
09:02That night, I couldn't get the images of Uncle Mitch's face out of my head.
09:08That, and the cheesy tomatoey pasta causing acid reflux, meant that sleep was an impossibility.
09:14So I did what I always do when insomnia hits.
09:16I listened to my favourite serial killer podcast.
09:20So how would Mrs Moth communicate with you?
09:23She would call me.
09:25But then suddenly, there it was, staring at me from my phone screen.
09:30I wanted to hear his voice one last time.
09:33Not be spun off into a murder investigation.
09:37Yeah, Toby, I was hoping to get hold of you.
09:39Come round to the mansion tomorrow afternoon, would you?
09:41Something I want to talk to you about.
09:43Yeah, uh, see you too.
09:46Hang on.
09:47What are you doing here?
09:48Do you hear the message again?
09:50Yeah, Toby, I was hoping to get hold of you.
09:52Come round to the mansion tomorrow afternoon, would you?
09:55Something I want to talk to you about.
09:57Yeah, uh, see you too.
10:00Hang on.
10:01What are you doing here?
10:05Hang on.
10:06What are you doing here?
10:08So?
10:08Okay, he left a message for me, then said to someone else,
10:12hang on, what are you doing here?
10:14And then an hour later, he was found dead.
10:17I am probably talking to a fantail that flew into the room.
10:21Oh, talking of fantails.
10:23You don't say to a fantail, hang on, what are you doing here?
10:26Well, I would.
10:28Anyway, could we do that conversation again, Mum?
10:30I'm going to record it.
10:31What?
10:32Why?
10:33I'm going to turn this into a podcast.
10:36No, I don't want to be on the internet.
10:37And you don't either.
10:39You fail speech and drama.
10:41Yeah, but Mum, something's going on here.
10:42And in the best true crime podcasts, the mystery unfolds in real time.
10:47And who knows?
10:49If I play my cards right, maybe this will lead to some legitimate investigative...
10:56...journalist work.
10:57Legitimate investigative journalist work.
11:01If I play my cards right, this might lead to some legitimate investigative journalist work.
11:07And as an effective investigative journalist, I decided to go right back to the beginning.
11:12The crime scene.
11:14The stain from where Uncle Mitchard lay in his dark career from all the bleeding he did.
11:20Don't get me wrong, I'm not an idiot that doesn't realise all the bleeding happened after he was torn up
11:24by the Buchananisers, aka the automated lawnmowers.
11:28But maybe the bleeding happened after he was killed.
11:33Toby!
11:33Toby!
11:37Janice, I'm so sorry.
11:38I didn't really ask anyone was home.
11:40Oh, I understand, darling.
11:44I've been talking to Mitchie as well.
11:48I just...
11:49I can't believe he's gone.
12:07Pig in a blanket.
12:09Excuse me?
12:11Oh.
12:13I just wish I'd been there when it had happened.
12:17And I guess it was just a matter of time before his heart gave out.
12:21You know, with all those saturated effects he was putting away.
12:25And now we're not going to go on the cheese tour through the south of France.
12:29He was just so excited about experiencing all those bris and gruyere.
12:36Where were you?
12:40I beg your pardon?
12:42We said you wish you were here to help when he passed away.
12:45I was just wondering where you were.
12:47Oh.
12:54But I was sadly at the nail salon.
12:58Over here many pedi.
13:01Ah!
13:02Mitch.
13:03Sounds so pedi.
13:08So what exactly are you trying to say, Toby?
13:11That Janine killed your Uncle Mitch?
13:14I'm just saying that I can imagine a scenario in which that was a possibility.
13:18And you're the one that said that she probably got his will sorted before he died.
13:23Where's the Coco Pops?
13:24They're empty calories.
13:26Have some cornflakes.
13:27How are you suggesting she killed him?
13:29Can't make someone have a heart attack, can you?
13:34Or can you?
13:35I mean, we always thought that she was solely after him for his money.
13:40Oh my God!
13:41What are you making me say?
13:44You're only saying it because it makes sense, Mum.
13:46And I'm not saying that he did have a heart attack.
13:48I'm just saying that maybe he was murdered and she covered it up by putting a lawnmower on his face.
13:53Oh, don't be stupid.
13:54She'd be covered in blood.
13:55Or maybe she was covered in blood, but she went away, wiped herself down, and then came back with all
13:59the theatrics.
14:00Or maybe she got someone else to do it.
14:05Hmm?
14:06A hired killer, if you will, or a friend, or an acquaintance.
14:11Oh, this is stupid.
14:13Look what you're making me say.
14:14I feel I'm in murder, she wrote.
14:16That show always did baffle me.
14:18I mean, if there's that many murders in your town, surely you just leave.
14:25With Aunty Janine as my number one suspect, I was going undercover detective mode to check her alibi.
14:32Brenda's beauty boutique in nails is kind of goth.
14:36It's kind of purple meets black.
14:38Um, small town beauty boutique.
14:41Can I help you, love?
14:42Yes.
14:43How do you do?
14:44Uh, my name is Gerald, and I couldn't help but notice one of your clients' toenails the other day.
14:50And I thought, I must get my hands on that colour for my life partner.
14:55Her name is Janine Crozier Buchanan.
14:58That was your client.
14:59My life partner's called Bren...
15:01Bren...
15:01Called...
15:02She's called Brenda.
15:03That's my name!
15:05I didn't know there was another Brenda in town.
15:08Oh, there it is, and she's fantastic.
15:11Anyway, so Aunty Janine's toenail, um, polished.
15:15Janine is wearing time of the month red at the moment.
15:21And is that the colour that she got last time she came in on Wednesday?
15:24She didn't come in on Wednesday, but yes, time of the month red.
15:29So she didn't come in on Wednesday?
15:31She hasn't come in in a month, ironically.
15:33That'll be $14, please.
15:37Oh, yes, um, I, oh, I just realised I've left my wallet in my car.
15:44I'm just going to go, if you just hold that there, I'll just go and grab, oh my car, I'm
15:48just around the corner.
15:50Bingo.
15:51I had a strong suspect, and now it was time to make this official.
15:57The Tehoyo Police Station has a blast from the night he passed.
16:00It's got a pastel pink trim.
16:05And a faux lavender floral display.
16:08The receptionist is a stern-looking woman who's at one with the chair.
16:12Who are you talking to?
16:14Oh, I'm doing a podcast.
16:17Is that an Australian accent?
16:19Yeah.
16:20Um, I've just got this big job over in Sydney, and I picked up the accent there, and I've been
16:24unable to kick it.
16:26That's weird.
16:28Yeah.
16:29Uh, anyway, um, I'm Toby Buchanan.
16:33I'm an investigative journalist, and my uncle, Medge, died the other day.
16:37I know.
16:38No matter of time with the amount of booze he put away.
16:41Yeah.
16:42I was wondering if there was a policeman that I could...
16:45Or woman.
16:47Or person.
16:48Police person that I could talk to about it.
16:53Sergeant Brown, there's a joker here, wants to talk to you.
16:55Tell them I'm not here.
16:57Righto.
17:00He says come on through.
17:02Great.
17:03Thank you so much.
17:05But Mitch had a heart attack.
17:07But how are you sure about the heart attack?
17:10That's what the coroner's report said, okay?
17:13And then he tragically fell in line with his automated lawnmowers.
17:18Could I see this report?
17:20Why?
17:21I just told you what the findings were.
17:24He had a heart attack.
17:25So you don't need to see the report.
17:28Is there any chance we could open up an investigation into foul play?
17:32Just because I...
17:33I think that maybe Uncle Mitch was murdered.
17:36Just hear me.
17:37I've got certain pieces of evidence that lead me to believe that maybe he was killed by his wife.
17:57Janine Crozier Buchanan did not kill her husband.
18:08It's just that she said she was at the beauticians when he died.
18:12You're being absolutely stupid.
18:14What a stupid thing to assert.
18:17And I'm too busy to deal with this.
18:23I'd check into grief counselling if I were you.
18:26I think your loss has made you a bit wonko.
18:31Anywho.
18:33I'd better get back to actual work.
18:35Okay, yeah.
18:36Sorry.
18:37Here, okay.
18:43Okay.
18:47How are you sure about the heart attack?
18:59I just saw you in there.
19:01I've got something I need to tell you.
19:06Yeah.
19:17The reason Sergeant Brown doesn't think it was Janine is because, you know.
19:29Did you catch my drift?
19:32What drift?
19:34Sergeant Brown.
19:35And Janine Crozier Buchanan.
19:38Are having it off.
19:43What's it?
19:45Be quiet.
19:47But yes, they meet at O'Reilly's hotel.
19:50I have seen their perspective cars parked outside on several lunch breaks.
19:55Do you think they were there two days ago?
19:58Couldn't be certain.
20:00But they probably were.
20:02Their clandestine meetings have been becoming obsessively red.
20:05Irrigual.
20:07But you let anyone know I told you and your nooks are mine, mate.
20:11Okay.
20:11So, there you go.
20:13Auntie Janine was having it off with another man.
20:16Could Auntie Janine and Sergeant Brown have conscribed to have Uncle Mitch taken out to get his money?
20:20Or was Sergeant Brown, a jealous lover, not wanting to share?
20:26Toby!
20:28I need you to model again for Abby McPherson's dress.
20:32I'm coming!
20:37Toby!
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