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00:00What's up, y'all? What's going on, Suede? How y'all doing today?
00:03Everybody good?
00:04You enjoying our Essence Festival of Culture Dirty 30?
00:10Yeah?
00:12Well, I'm glad to have y'all in the Suede Men's Experience.
00:15My name is Michael Barclay.
00:16I am the Executive Vice President of Experiential here at Essence Ventures.
00:22And it is my great pleasure, with my incredible team,
00:26to throw this party for the Essence brand and Essence Festival.
00:30Who went to the show last night?
00:34Did you win the Usher tickets?
00:38We got other surprises tonight, so you might win some.
00:40You come tonight.
00:41Anyway, I'm here today.
00:43We got a great discussion coming up about Black Dads.
00:47The title is Black Dads, Strength, Love, and Legacy.
00:52And I'm going to bring up some of my brothers,
00:53and we're going to have a quick discussion about the importance of us and the family
00:57and what it means to be a black father nowadays.
01:00So, without further ado, I'm going to start introducing these incredible fathers.
01:04First up, I got Ryan Burks.
01:06He is the President of RICAR Construction,
01:09the board member of Son of a Saint here in New Orleans,
01:12and a proud father of three.
01:19Yes, sir.
01:19Up next, this is my brother.
01:24We go way, way back.
01:27Way, way, way back.
01:28My brother, I call him Derek, but you can call him D-Nice.
01:33Well known as a rapper, of course,
01:36but also America's favorite DJ.
01:38Saved us during the quarantine issues with club quarantine during the pandemic.
01:42My man, my brother, D-Nice.
01:44And last but not least, we got Jesse Alex.
01:52He's the co-founder of a platform, not a podcast,
01:55a platform called Dear Fathers
01:58that reaches out to over 1 million people weekly
02:01and provides restoration and resources for black families.
02:06These are the panelists.
02:07We're going to talk about it.
02:08Let's go.
02:08So we're going to get into it.
02:13First question for the entire panel,
02:16and we can start, I'm going to go from left to right.
02:20Black fathers can be an example of strength and resilience to their children
02:23and for the black community as a whole.
02:27What does black, what does fatherhood mean to you?
02:31I'm going to start with you, Ryan.
02:32Fatherhood, to me, is an opportunity and a responsibility for us
02:40to nurture and develop our children,
02:44establish hope and discipline and love,
02:47and also just building that foundation for our communities
02:51because it's very vital for us to make sure that our children have solid foundation,
02:56but also that they're nurtured.
02:58You know, a lot of the issues for us is that it's due to a lack of fatherhood.
03:03Absolutely.
03:04D?
03:05I mean, sometimes it's not just black fathers, just parents in general.
03:09Like, I grew up in the Bronx.
03:13I'm a New Yorker.
03:15And, yes, BX all day.
03:16BX.
03:17And I didn't live in a household with my parents,
03:19so a lot of what I learned about fatherhood actually came from television,
03:23you know, like watching, you know, a Cosby show or, you know, just these old TV shows.
03:29And I remember, like, when my daughter was born, I have a 28, 27-year-old daughter,
03:35and she's actually one of my attorneys.
03:38And it's been the proudest moment of my life, like, being her father,
03:44not about being her boss or employer, like, none of that.
03:46It's like being her father and watching, you know,
03:49all the mistakes that I made when I was younger and being able to help guide her
03:53and seeing her just thrive in life gives me the absolute most enjoyment
03:59that I've ever experienced.
04:01That's amazing.
04:02Shout-out to Ashley, daughter, lawyer.
04:05Got to give it a shout.
04:07Yeah, and for me, you know, I agree with both of these guys,
04:10but, like, growing up in St. Louis, Missouri,
04:12I actually started my platform because I grew up without a dad.
04:15So, you know, I wanted to create a safe space for black men
04:18and black fathers to share their stories because, as we all know,
04:22on this stage, black men don't really have a space to be vulnerable.
04:25So Dear Fathers is all about creating a safe space for guys to be vulnerable,
04:29and I think it's very important for fathers to be able to share their stories
04:33but then also get the resources they need.
04:36Absolutely.
04:36No, I 100% agree.
04:39And speaking of fathers, I want to give a shout-out to my father
04:41who's actually in the crowd.
04:42Oh, wow, your dad's here.
04:43My parents, my mom, and my dad.
04:44Yeah, definitely important, both, again, being a father of three myself
04:51but also having an amazing father who chose me.
04:57He's not my birth father, but he chose to be my father,
04:59and so I learned a lot from him, and I really appreciate him.
05:01I'm so glad he's here today.
05:05Speaking of, I'm going to go to what you said, D,
05:07about the examples that you had.
05:08So how did you learn to be a father?
05:10So I made, actually, I don't want to say it was a mistake.
05:15You know, when I became a parent, I was so angry with my own father
05:21that I tried to do everything that he didn't do,
05:25so I would kind of overcompensate because I was trying to, you know,
05:28I just wanted to be the type of father that I wanted,
05:31and then one day I realized, like, no, just be a great dad, you know,
05:34and I've been fortunate, you know, in my adult life
05:38to have been surrounded by men, black men in particular,
05:42who just kind of showed me the way.
05:45If I made a mistake or whatever it was,
05:48like, my brothers were always there, and they always had my back.
05:51So it was really about my community, you know,
05:54and how I learned to be a good dad.
05:56Brian?
05:58You know, a lot of, for me, it was more of watching what my dad,
06:04grandfather, and other men in the community did,
06:07but I would also piggyback on what he just said.
06:10A lot of times you catalog things that you didn't personally experience,
06:16and then you try to make sure that your children do not go through that same lack
06:21or that you experience.
06:24But the biggest thing for me is that you really have to,
06:27there's no real true blueprint to being a father
06:29because human beings are all unique and different,
06:32so you have to really study those kids
06:35and try to adapt and adjust to each one individually, so it's challenging.
06:41Yeah, you're absolutely right.
06:42There's no blueprint, and, you know,
06:44I always ask my friends, my family, and my brothers
06:47whenever they're expecting, like, are you ready?
06:50Like, are you ready to be a father?
06:51It's a trick question, though, because the right answer is no.
06:55No, you're never ready.
06:56You're never ready.
06:57I've been a father now for 20 years.
06:59I get curveballs every week.
07:01It's something completely different.
07:02So you always got to be on the swivel, right?
07:05So you're never ready, and you're always learning,
07:08and all the examples that you have with your family,
07:11again, the men in your life,
07:13and the things that you see, you talk about television.
07:15We did a panel last year, and we were talking about
07:17sometimes you're Cliff Huxtable,
07:18sometimes you're Furious Styles from, you know,
07:21from Boys in the Hood.
07:23So, you know, you have to really take it all in,
07:26and it really takes all of that to be a good father.
07:30Jesse, you talked about it a little bit,
07:32but I wanted to go a little deeper
07:33on why you launched your platform.
07:36Yeah, so, again, I grew up without my pops, right?
07:39So, like, as I got into my mid to late 20s,
07:42I was always, like, you know,
07:44kind of just think about who I wanted to be
07:46as a black man and black father,
07:47and I realized I never really saw what that looked like.
07:50And I have a passion for community building,
07:52creating safe spaces, but then also storytelling.
07:55So me and our other co-founder,
07:56who's a good friend of mine, over 20-plus years,
07:59we grew up together, we played basketball together,
08:01we went to college together.
08:03We're like, how can we create a safe space
08:05for men and fathers to be able to share their stories?
08:08So I always say that it was a platform
08:11that was birthed, turning my pain into my purpose.
08:15So I grew up without my dad,
08:17but at the same time,
08:19I created this safe space for black men
08:21and black fathers to be able to share their stories,
08:24but then also get resources.
08:25So at the foundation, you know,
08:28I didn't have a father, right?
08:29You know, I'm not a father yet.
08:31You know, I strive to be,
08:32but this platform has helped so many men and fathers
08:35that, you know, it's truly a blessing.
08:38And when did you start it?
08:40We started the platform in September of 2019.
08:44And I said a million.
08:46Is that accurate?
08:47Like, what's your number?
08:48Yeah, well, social media-wise,
08:50we reach, like, five million-plus,
08:54but, you know, we just relaunched our podcast
08:56earlier this year with episodes with Shaq,
09:01Pusha T, just recently Master P, Young Jock,
09:05a few other guys.
09:06So, you know, things are going really well.
09:08No, that's amazing.
09:09So in five years,
09:12you've reached over five million people.
09:15That's incredible, bro.
09:16That's incredible.
09:16Amazing.
09:17Shout out to you.
09:18I actually just love that he's not even a dad yet.
09:21Right.
09:22And I really do love that,
09:24that you are building this platform
09:25and you're not even a dad yet,
09:28and you're just so concerned about making sure that,
09:31like, you know, when you do have your child,
09:34if that's what you choose to do,
09:36that you have resources.
09:38So commend you, brother.
09:39I appreciate that, man.
09:40So we talked about it a little bit,
09:44but as we just said,
09:46you know, you're never really ready to be a father.
09:49You're always getting ready.
09:51But what would you want black men to know about fatherhood?
09:57I'll start with you, D.
09:59Man, so I'm the father of two daughters.
10:04And I remember when my daughter was five,
10:08she was five years old,
10:09but we didn't really have the resources
10:11to send her to what we considered
10:14to be, like, a proper daycare.
10:16You know, we had to...
10:18This was after my rap days
10:20when I was trying to find myself again.
10:22Sent her, like, to this woman's house.
10:24She had a daycare at home.
10:26They called her auntie.
10:28And one day I went to pick her up from auntie's place,
10:31and the kids were watching Judge Joe Brown.
10:35I'm not making this up.
10:37I was livid.
10:38I was like, why are they watching this?
10:40Like, this doesn't make sense.
10:43And on our walk...
10:44I mean, I said a couple of things,
10:45you know, a few more things after that.
10:47But on our walk home,
10:49on our walk home,
10:51all she kept saying to me was,
10:53I want to be a lawyer.
10:54I want to be a lawyer.
10:55She was five.
10:55Like, so to watch her on this journey to be her father,
11:00and instead of, you know,
11:02my job was to just kind of, like,
11:03help guide her with her dreams.
11:06She never wanted to be anything else but a lawyer.
11:09That was it.
11:09So to watch her go to Spelman,
11:11then she went to Penn State Law School,
11:13and one day we were at, you know,
11:15a DJ for the Obama's,
11:17and one day we were at the house,
11:18and she was talking to Michelle,
11:20and, you know, Michelle told her a story.
11:23She was like, hey,
11:23my daughter was about to take the bar,
11:25and she said, don't worry about it.
11:26I failed the bar the first time.
11:28If you fail, it's okay.
11:30And she was taking a New York bar,
11:31and she passed it, you know, first time.
11:35And it was just beautiful
11:36to just be, like, this dad who...
11:40My whole job was to just make sure
11:42that she found her way in life.
11:44And that is, like, that's the biggest joy,
11:47like, being the father, man.
11:48It's the biggest joy.
11:50Ryan?
11:52Well, you know, I'm the father of three children.
11:55I'm a daughter and two sons.
11:58One thing I want men to know is that
12:01there's a...
12:03not to be overburdened
12:06because you're still growing,
12:08and you're evolving,
12:09and so you have this dynamic thing
12:13that's happening because you're growing
12:14and your children are growing at the same time.
12:17You have your own dreams,
12:18and they have theirs, too.
12:20But you're constantly modeling
12:22and not understanding.
12:23You have to always know that the children
12:24are watching what you're doing.
12:27And so really just setting a foundation
12:29of that discipline and that work ethic.
12:32The other thing is that I've...
12:34And I see it more as my children get older,
12:36is that each one has a part of your personality
12:39within them,
12:41and usually a part that you don't like, right?
12:43Right.
12:43Exactly, exactly.
12:45So that's one of the challenging things
12:47that I've always had to try to deal with
12:50is so when I deal with my sons,
12:53primarily my sons,
12:54you know, we have this egotistical dynamic between us,
12:58but I love them all.
12:59But it's just...
13:00You see those things in them,
13:01like the headstrong part,
13:03and you're like,
13:05man, I've seen that before.
13:07I think my parents have seen it as well.
13:09But that's one of the things
13:11that you just know is like,
13:12man, that is, they're evolving.
13:14You got to let them grow,
13:17but still try to keep them in line.
13:19No, definitely.
13:22Jesse, with the platform,
13:25have you seen anything or any information
13:27from any of the people that you just talked to
13:29or feature that you think should be included
13:32in this conversation
13:33about what black men should know about fatherhood?
13:36Yeah, I think the biggest thing that I see,
13:37and it's a broad, you know,
13:40just, you know, kind of thing that I see,
13:43but it's that we're not alone.
13:45Black men, black fathers, you're not alone.
13:47There's guys going through the same thing all over, right?
13:50And I think the biggest thing
13:51that we all need as men is community.
13:54So even I thank you all
13:56for just allowing me to be in this space
13:58because each time I'm involved
14:00in these type of conversations,
14:01I learn something from each and every one of you.
14:04So, like, I think the biggest thing we need as men,
14:06and obviously I'm not a father yet,
14:08but as fathers, what I see is community.
14:10So I appreciate this platform and this space
14:13to just be able to connect with you brothers
14:15and learn something.
14:17Yeah, absolutely.
14:18You know, whenever I get that phone call
14:21of a nervous father-to-be,
14:25the main thing that I let them know
14:26is one, you don't have to be perfect to be a father.
14:28Correct.
14:29And two, your life is not over as you know it
14:32because that's sometimes, that's the first thought,
14:34like, oh, man, I ain't gonna be able to play Madden no more.
14:36I play Madden with my son.
14:39My son's in here.
14:41I used to play Madden with him on my lap
14:42because I was like, I must keep playing Madden
14:44and now me and him play against each other.
14:46And he's a 20-year-old college student.
14:48So you can bring yourself to fatherhood.
14:52You don't have to change yourself to be a father.
14:54So I think that's one of the things
14:55that I make sure everybody knows
14:57and through experience.
14:58So we talk a little bit about, you know,
15:03some of the things we want folks to know
15:05or brothers to know about being fathers.
15:07Are there any recent lessons?
15:09Because, again, you know, this thing evolves.
15:12So are there any recent new information
15:14that you've picked up about fatherhood
15:16that you want to talk about, Ryan?
15:20Well, it never ends.
15:23It never ends.
15:25I mean, I just think there's, it evolves.
15:27You know, you go from adolescence, teenagers.
15:31You know, all my kids have gone through college.
15:33So I've seen the growth.
15:37I've been blessed through our business.
15:39All three of my kids work for my company.
15:42That's incredible.
15:43So now I have a whole different kind of dynamic
15:45that is we have a family dynamic
15:48and then you actually have a professional relationship,
15:51which is extremely difficult to manage.
15:54But I'm working on that.
15:57But that's, but I mean, it's just, it's ever evolving
16:00because now they're going through.
16:01My daughter just recently got married.
16:03And so she's transitioning in her life.
16:07And my sons are dating, trying to find their next step.
16:11And so you're just giving advice, you know.
16:13So you're constantly giving advice and leading your children.
16:18D, I'm going to just go in the order.
16:19D.
16:19D, well, what have I learned recently?
16:22Recent.
16:24D, I will say this.
16:25Just before the school year ended, my daughter asked,
16:30I have a 12-year-old daughter, 27-year-old and a 12-year-old daughter.
16:34And my 12-year-old, she goes to private school in Los Angeles.
16:37And she asked me if I would attend her debate.
16:42I was like, all right, cool.
16:43And went to this debate.
16:45And I sat in the back room, back of the classroom.
16:48And I watched these kids argue.
16:50Like, their argument was just great.
16:52Like, they were talking about fossil fuels.
16:55And I was sitting there looking at my kid.
16:57At 12?
16:57When she got up to, yes, when she got up to just speak her part,
17:02I started tearing up, you know, because it's, for me,
17:06it's like to watch your kids grow and to become their own person.
17:12And, you know, her personality is totally different than my oldest daughter.
17:16You know, and she was just brilliant.
17:19And I just felt like, wow, like, to be a parent where,
17:24to be the type of parent that I am
17:25and to be able to afford to send my kids to the proper school,
17:30to get the proper education, because it's extremely important.
17:32Like, we were very, even with my oldest daughter,
17:34it was important to me that she went to Spelman.
17:37You know, that's what I wanted.
17:38I wanted her to go to an HBCU.
17:41And it's important for me.
17:42Like, education is everything.
17:43I went to HBCU.
17:44Oh, that's what's up.
17:45But it's just great.
17:47It's important to me to make sure
17:50and ensure that my kids are, like, properly educated.
17:52And in that moment, I knew, like, no, allow her to be her own person.
17:58I'm not a dictator.
18:00I'm just there to help you, help guide you.
18:02And it's just beautiful to see, man.
18:06Justin, anything?
18:08Yeah, so I don't have anything to that, obviously,
18:10because I'm not a dad.
18:11But I will say this, though.
18:13You know, years ago, I was actually, like,
18:16just kind of hesitant or scared to have kids,
18:18because, again, I never saw what that looked like, right,
18:20like, in terms of being a father.
18:22But since starting a platform, you know, hearing the stories,
18:26having conversations like this right here,
18:28I'm actually looking forward to that moment.
18:29So, again, I appreciate you, brothers,
18:31for just being the pillars that you are in the community,
18:34but also the men that you are as fathers,
18:36because it makes me excited about that moment.
18:39Yeah, Ryan, you're absolutely right.
18:41It never ends.
18:42You know, the stages change.
18:44You know, I recently now have two adult children,
18:49and I keep saying I've been promoted from father to advisor.
18:53Like, you don't have to do what I say,
18:55but I would give you some advice.
18:56So, all right, before we wrap up,
18:59because we're about to wrap this thing,
19:00I just want to give everybody an opportunity
19:02to talk about where people can get more information about you,
19:05your business, what you got coming up next.
19:07So I'm going to start on that end, starting with you.
19:10Yeah, so you can follow me personally on Instagram
19:13at meetjessealex,
19:15but then you can also follow Dear Fathers
19:17at dear.fathers on Instagram
19:19and just search Dear Fathers on our platforms.
19:22Yeah, just stay tuned.
19:24You can go to our website, dearfathers.com,
19:26and join the community and stay updated
19:28on different events that we have coming up in different cities.
19:31We partner with different NBA and MLB teams
19:34to do this thing we call Dear Fathers Night,
19:36which is a pregame panel on fatherhood and mental health.
19:39And, yeah, just we got a lot of things going on.
19:42Again, a podcast, so check us out on YouTube.
19:45Our most recent episode was with Master P,
19:47and we have some great episodes coming up.
19:50Nice.
19:52D?
19:52I mean, I guess you can follow me on Instagram.
19:57Yeah, I mean, that's pretty much it.
20:00This summer, I just have a bunch of gigs coming up,
20:02and everything's always on IG.
20:05Yeah, I'd rather pass it on because, yeah.
20:07Yeah, what are you doing, man?
20:10Who, me?
20:12What do you have coming up next?
20:14I get to go get on with the rest of my life
20:17after Essence Festival because, you know,
20:18my life is Essence Fest and then everything after Essence Fest.
20:21So, yeah.
20:22Actually, I'm going to go back.
20:23I am going to say something.
20:24I am involved in a couple of things.
20:26Sometimes I just don't talk about it
20:28because it's just my life, and I love it.
20:31Yeah, speak on.
20:31I'm in different businesses,
20:34and that's another thing that I'm excited about.
20:35You know, I'm a partner in the cognac.
20:38We have a cognac that was named the best cognac of 2024.
20:42It's fantastic.
20:43It's called Martingale.
20:44I have a plant.
20:46I'm a partner in a plant-based snack company
20:48called Outstanding Foods,
20:49and we do have, like, my personal flavor coming out
20:53towards the end of this year.
20:55And, you know, I'm just trying to always do things that I love.
20:58Well, it's terrible,
21:00but I do have a cigar as well with Alvaro.
21:02But it's what I love.
21:03Why are you trying to look like you don't have nothing going on, man?
21:05Why you didn't want to say nothing?
21:06Yeah, I'll let it.
21:08Ryan, what you got going on?
21:10How can people learn more about you and your company?
21:13You can follow us on social media,
21:16Rycars Construction is the name of the company.
21:18The website is Rycars.com.
21:22Me and myself, I'm on,
21:26my Instagram handle is First Class All Day Every Day.
21:29Okay.
21:31But I also would have liked to,
21:33I am here actually representing Son of a Saint,
21:36so I'll be remiss not to let everybody understand
21:39that Son of a Saint is a wonderful organization
21:42that I've had an opportunity to be chairman.
21:44I'm board emeritus for the organization.
21:47And it ties in with this panel,
21:51primarily because our whole mission is to support fatherless boys.
21:56The founder of the organization, Vivian Sonny Lee III,
21:59lost his father when he was three years old.
22:01And so we have 350 boys in our program,
22:05and we kind of put a whole bunch of mentoring and positive development
22:10for these young boys starting at the age of 10,
22:14and we monitor and work with them all over the age of 21.
22:17So sonofasaint.org, it's a great organization.
22:21Love for you to support and follow us.
22:24Well, I just want to say I appreciate every single one of you brothers
22:28for what you're doing to put the positive information out there
22:32about black fatherhood.
22:34You know, it's a lot of negative about us and that we are not there,
22:37but clearly we're here, and we've got a platform to show that as well.
22:41So I appreciate this conversation.
22:43It's been a pleasure.
22:43You know, it's close to near and dear to my heart.
22:45Shout out to my whole family and friends over there.
22:47Thank y'all for coming to see me.
22:50It's time to go to the Superdome and put on that white, y'all.
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