00:00Hello everyone and welcome to another great Essence Wellness House conversation.
00:10My name is Charlie Penn. I am the lifestyle director here at Essence Magazine. I'm so excited
00:15for today's conversation. It's one of my absolute favorite topics and hopefully it will
00:19be yours as well. All right, so let's break it down. Thanks to artists like Cardi B and Meg
00:23Vestalian, that feminine energy, that feminine divine is taking center stage in pop culture
00:29right now and we're loving it every single moment of it. But what does it truly mean to
00:34step into our feminine energy and what role can that play in living our best lives, which
00:40is what we all want to do, right? Both personally and romantically. So here to help us dig in
00:45are two very special guests. Please welcome, up first, Dr. Donna Oriolo, certified sex therapist
00:53and licensed social worker. Dr. Donna is an international speaker, certified sex therapist
00:59in the Washington, D.C. metro area. She specializes in working with Black women on issues related
01:04to colorism, texturism, and its impact on mental and sexual health. She's the author of Cocoa
01:11Butter and Hair Grease, A Self-Love Journey Through Hair and Skin. Dr. Donna is an advocate for sexual
01:17freedom, self-love, and acceptance. Welcome, Dr. Donna. Hi, thank you for having me.
01:23Thank you so much for being here for such a fun, exciting, and important conversation.
01:27Thank you. I'm like super excited. I'm ready. Me too. And we have one more special guest
01:32to join us so we can really just round out this round table and dig in. Next, please welcome
01:37Kelly Pitts, the femininity doctor. Don't y'all just love that? After embarking on a 14-year
01:43healing journey where she learned the true meaning of healing and putting down your masculine shield,
01:49Kelly Pitts, a.k.a. the femininity doctor, is earning her way into the hearts of thousands
01:54of women as she's about to help the feminine community relate, I mean, reclaim their femininity
02:00too, which I love. Welcome, Kelly. Come on in. Hi. I'm in the building. I'm in the room.
02:06Hi, everybody. It's all right. Ladies, I'm loving our energy already. I feel it. See? Energy's
02:12powerful, right? It's great to have a black woman, that feminine energy. Let's, let you
02:17look, let's dive in. Let's just talk about, I mean, we hear the word femininity and your
02:23feminine energy, feminine divine. We hear that word in those terms kind of tossed around a
02:28lot. What does that mean to you? Let's start with you, Kelly. What, define femininity in
02:33your, in your language, in your space. What does that mean? Sure, 1,000%. So femininity to
02:38me means a woman's understanding of her nature and her ability to operate in that nature at
02:44all times. And when we think about the nature of a woman, we think about vulnerability. We
02:49think about gentility, fluidity, emotional intelligence, tenderness, sweetness, and a
02:55whole host of other things, but mainly those. And so when a woman is honoring that, she is
03:00fully in her femininity. Oh, I love that you say honoring that. What about you, Dr. Donna? What's
03:05your definition? Oh, well, femininity, like so many other things that we know is very much a
03:11social construct. So I tend to define it as that which makes you feel powerful, creative, at your
03:19best, your most beautiful, and something that feels in sync and in harmony with where you're
03:24trying to be. So not just an act that you put on, but something that you clothe yourself in that
03:32is more revealing of the inner self. So it's about your authenticity more than anything shining
03:38through. So how you see your, your divine femininity moving forward.
03:44Ooh, I love the idea of clothing myself in feminine energy. Ladies are making me feel like I just want
03:48to hug myself in it. So let's start with that work. How does one get more in touch with their feminine
03:54energy and really like hone into it, especially if they feel like, Hey, like, I don't know if I'm doing
03:59that Kelly, what do you? Okay. So, wow. I would probably advise someone on this live stream,
04:05the same as I would advise a reader of my book or someone who's taking my courses, which is
04:10understanding that nothing impure belongs in a divine house and our, and our femininity and our
04:16bodies are like divine houses, right? So if you want to be more in touch with your femininity,
04:21first, you want to actually understand what kinds of trauma bonds that could be a father bond,
04:26the mother trauma bond actually live in your house. You want to ask yourself, am I living a life
04:32of full, full forgiveness? That's forgiveness of others. That's forgiveness of myself. Because when
04:38we have lenses shaded with impurity, anger, resentment, and illness, it's really, really hard
04:44to be in tune with our pure feminine natures. And then secondly, understanding what femininity truly is
04:50and what that truly means so that you do not unknowingly step into masculine territory,
04:55because when we are not living or operating in our nature, we are not as successful as we would
05:01like to believe that we are. Ooh, masculine territory. Can we just talk a little bit more
05:06about what that is? I love that. Oh, so 1000%, you know, you're looking at someone who was raised in a
05:12heavily narcissistic environment. So at a very, very young age, before I even understood what was going on,
05:18I had to step away from my femininity and step more into my masculinity, as in I had to pick up a
05:24masculine shield and always be ready for war, always be ready for combat, right? Because I had to defend
05:30myself against masculinity. I had to defend myself against toxic masculine energy, right? So when we're
05:36stepping into masculine territory, we're not as fluid, right? We're not as gentle. We're not, we're not as at
05:42peace. Masculinity is hunting, protecting and providing and combat, combat, right? So making sure
05:48you're not stepping into that and honoring your femininity. Thank you for that, Kelly. Dr. Donna,
05:53what about you? What's your best advice for really tapping into that, that feminine energy and using it
05:59in a powerful way? More than anything, um, you know, I've been doing therapy this morning. So it makes
06:05me think the first thing is always, you can't solve a problem that you don't recognize that there is one.
06:11So being able to come to center and be like, okay, this thing has been an issue for me. And then being
06:18able to define for yourself, what does it mean for you to live your most authentic life, for you to bring
06:25forward the best pieces that there are about you and where you would like to go ultimately. Because if you
06:33are shrouded in all the other stuff that doesn't even belong to you, including the fact that
06:38we have often had our femininity thrust on us based on what someone else thinks it should look like and
06:47what else, what they think it should be. And the fact that black women have also equally had it stripped
06:53away from them. Yes. And said that you're not actually feminine because we don't find, because we don't
06:59find you desirable in your darker, especially darker skin, in your kinkier hair, that because you are
07:05physically undesirable to me, now you are already bereft of any of your feminine energy. I think that
07:11you being able to claim it and be like, I actually, it's all there in the way that I choose for it to be
07:18there. And I show up 100% authentically as me. And that that is where I'm going to ground myself.
07:26So being able to say that, yes, there's a problem, being able to note where you got all the values as it relates
07:34to your femininity, where did they come from? So examining those things that you got from your mom, from your
07:40dad, from auntie, grandma, grandpa, what you watched on TV, because a lot of us grew up in the Martin era. And we were
07:48told whether or not we were feminine already based off the TV shows that we were watching. So just being able to say like,
07:54okay, what am I taking? What have I been carrying with me? But what is mine? And what's not mine? What
08:01doesn't belong to me? And being able to put those things down and be like, all right, cool. I'm carrying
08:06a lighter load now. And when I live in my authenticity, I get to carry a lighter load. So being able to do
08:12that, I think is also important.
08:14Oh, I love the self-awareness component of it. And let's talk about, you know, how important and key this
08:19is in our self-love, right, and our self-care journey, which is such an important pillar in
08:25our wellness, right, our overall wellness and well-being. So Kelly, talk about, you know, femininity
08:30as self-care and self-love.
08:34Femininity in regards to self-love and self-care, I would say is important because if we're willing
08:42to honor, you know, that or honor the fact that, you know, we are the more gentle, you
08:47know, we are the more nurturing, there is an element that makes us more domestic, you
08:51know, that is driven by our biologies and our natures, not just what people tell us we
08:55are, but there are certain things that are determined by our biology and nature. Honoring
08:59that and not feeling like you were dealt the second hand in society because of what other
09:03people have told you really will give you that confidence to honor, honor who you are
09:08in everyday life, including self-care. If I understand that there's nothing wrong with
09:12being the more emotionally intelligent side of the equation versus overly logical, I can
09:17carry that and pour into other people without feeling stretched or shamed, but at the same
09:22time, going inward when I need to. So honoring all that you are naturally and letting that
09:28lead you versus feeling like you were dealt a second hand in society.
09:32Spend time with yourself and honor yourself. And for me, that means from the sexual to
09:38having a masturbatory practice that is all about focusing on your pleasure and your
09:43mindfulness, as well as teaching other people how to treat you from the bedroom to the boardroom,
09:48wherever you are, teach them how to treat you. But first, that means that you also have
09:52to treat yourself the way that you desire and the way that feels in alignment for you.
09:58I want to end on that note. You guys have to come back soon, but thank you both so much
10:02for bringing your positive energy and vibes and wisdom and gems to this important conversation.
10:06I hope everybody was taking notes. Thank you guys so much for being here.
10:10Thank you for having us.
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