- 15 hours ago
Essence's Yes Girl Podcast spoke with Iyanla Vanzant
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00:00Beloved, can we hold hands?
00:03Yes, yes.
00:05We are here in the presence of greatness.
00:08Yes.
00:10Of truth.
00:12And ultimately, healing.
00:15Healing.
00:16The one and only, Ms. Ayala Van Zandt.
00:20Yes, ma'am.
00:20Yay.
00:22That's how you start.
00:24I usually like to throw a little MF-er in there because it's...
00:29But I'm going to respect you.
00:30No, you could have done that.
00:31All right, Ayala motherfucking Zandt is in the house.
00:34She is from Brooklyn.
00:36Yes.
00:36I am.
00:36She's home right now.
00:38I'm home right in the nation of Brooklyn.
00:40I'm good.
00:41The only thing we're missing is sage.
00:43What happened?
00:44Yes, we have some sage.
00:45Sage is not a Brooklyn activity.
00:47Oh.
00:48What's a Brooklyn healing activity?
00:49What's a Brooklyn healing?
00:50The stick incense that you get from the guy on the corner.
00:53That's true.
00:53That's true.
00:54Stick it down in your plant.
00:55Yes.
00:55And the ashes go into the plant.
00:59Don't be embarrassed in Brooklyn.
01:00Yeah, you let the ashes go into the plant.
01:02Can I tell y'all, that was in a store recently.
01:04And Jillian was like, what is my daughter?
01:06She's eight.
01:06She was like, what are these?
01:07I was like, oh my God, these are incense.
01:09Incense.
01:10I used to live for those things anyway, yes.
01:12Welcome.
01:13Welcome.
01:13Thank you for having me back.
01:15We are filming in the morning.
01:16I do want to know, what do you do in the morning when you wake up?
01:20What's your ritual?
01:21The first thing I do is I do, I have a gratitude prayer.
01:24Even before I get out of bed, I start with gratitude that I made it to this day.
01:30Because as Bernice Reagan Johnson wrote, nobody knows at sunrise how the day is going to end.
01:37Nobody knows at sunset if the next day will begin.
01:40So I'm grateful, you know, just to see another day.
01:43So I do my whole gratitude thing.
01:45And I do the normal thing, you know, pee, brush my teeth, make my coffee.
01:49The basics, the basics, you know.
01:51Stuff that keeps my black intact.
01:54And then I go immediately to my prayer room.
01:58And whenever I'm reading for the day, or if I'm in a hotel, you know, I get in so much trouble
02:03because I light my incense and I start cleaning my energy.
02:06You know, everything is don't smoke today.
02:08They don't distinguish one kind of smoke from the other.
02:10So I try to make it nice.
02:14And usually I pray, you know, and get sent to them.
02:19I'm curious.
02:20What is the history of the cleaning the energy?
02:23And the air?
02:24Yeah.
02:24Well, energy, everything is energy.
02:26Every thought, every word, every, we are energy.
02:30You know, we're energy where we are and how we touch.
02:33And so, you know, once you get into a certain spiritual consciousness of wind, like I see energy.
02:41I feel it, you know, and I want it clean.
02:45And then we emit energy from our bodies and our minds.
02:49And so, and then in Native American culture, you create energy, you know, that's why you purify your space
02:56or that's why you chant or that's why you, you know, for us, it's smoke the pipe and create tobacco
03:04as a sacred herb for Native Americans.
03:08And also in African culture, you know, drumming creates a certain energy, prayer, affirmation.
03:14It all creates energy.
03:15And so, everything is energy.
03:18Do you have a ritual that you do before you tape your show?
03:22Oh, absolutely.
03:23Ooh, what?
03:25Because that's a lot of energy to make room for.
03:29You ain't here for no damn feeling.
03:32That's my favorite line.
03:35That was my Brooklyn spirit.
03:37She comes up every now and then.
03:39I have to, I've been trying to keep her at bay.
03:41But, you know, when you don't act right, the Brooklyn spirit, I got a Brooklyn spirit.
03:44The Bronx spirit, the Harlem spirit, the grandma spirit.
03:47I've been working with her.
03:51Yeah.
03:51We sage every place that we go to clear it.
03:54We make herbal sprays.
03:56We spray every person on the team, the camera people, the sound people.
04:01We clear our energy so that we're not bringing our stuff into the space.
04:06That the guest then has to navigate our crazy, you know.
04:10I always, I have two prayer warriors in the room, coaches, but they're both ministers.
04:16And they're constantly praying.
04:18I have people who aren't even on the set who are assigned to pray and hold the light and call on the light based on what it is the guest is there to heal or create.
04:28So, we really clear the space.
04:31And what work do you ask your guests to do before they come on the show?
04:35Because, you know what I mean, like to walk in and really be ready to do the work?
04:39Well, they get a, they get a, in addition to our very extensive application process, they get pre-work, homicide.
04:47And then they come, they bring their journal.
04:49Oh.
04:50Sometimes they do it and sometimes they don't.
04:52And I can tell based on the energy that they put in the homework whether it's going to be a good day or not.
04:59Got it.
04:59See, people think they can just write me and come on the show and they get angry when I do, they don't get a response to the letter.
05:05But they haven't even clearly articulated what it is they want.
05:08What's their vision?
05:09What's their intention?
05:10And a lot of times after we interview people, we see they don't have the capacity to do the work required.
05:16It's not just about come and tell your story.
05:19Right.
05:19You know, there are millions of stories out there.
05:21We want to know who's bringing an issue, a vision, an intention that's going to serve the largest number of viewers.
05:28The show is for the viewer.
05:30It's not for the guests.
05:31It's group healing.
05:32Yeah, it is.
05:32Absolutely.
05:34Communal.
05:34Communal.
05:35I mean, we're coming up on season six.
05:39You've seen a lot of guests over the years.
05:42But about season six in particular, we watched the one with Duchess and, I'm sorry, excuse me, Mignon and Althea.
05:51But tell me about this particular season.
05:53Like, what should we look out for?
05:55Who are the people that stood out to you?
05:57I don't think it's the people.
05:58It's never the people for me.
05:59I don't care who the people are.
06:01Yeah.
06:01It doesn't matter to me.
06:02One of the reasons I do celebrities or public people is because I'm trying to level a playing field.
06:08There are young girls out there who want it to be like Duchess, who want to be on their reality show, who want to be like Althea.
06:16So they need to understand that there's some stuff that comes along with this that is not captured by the camera.
06:22So one of the reasons I do public people is to level a playing field.
06:26It's not the people that we need to look for, the issues this season.
06:29Two things, giving away our power and then holding other people responsible for the dysfunction we experience.
06:37That's one.
06:38And the other thing this season, really huge generational curses.
06:42How something goes from one generation to the next generation to the next generation and how the generations are now coming to say heal this so that we don't pass it on.
06:53Those are the two big issues.
06:54And we didn't call it forward.
06:55Third, we set an intention for what we want the season to look like.
06:59But these are the stories that came forward.
07:02Wow.
07:03There's something we were watching the first episode and a quote stood out.
07:06It was several.
07:07But one was you said it's not, and you were talking to Althea, it's not reality TV if it's about you denying yourself.
07:16Yeah.
07:16Because something we've been talking about, for us it plays up in our, and we're not as public as you or the people you have in your guests,
07:23but like social media and sometimes the lie that social media has.
07:27What do you say to people who are, everyday people who are projecting lies in social media?
07:34Well, just, you know, social media in general to me, in many instances, has highlighted or brought to the awareness how mean we are.
07:46Yes, we are mean.
07:47I just, I just, and don't understand, not jealous, broken.
07:53It comes across as jealousy.
07:55See, there's only two emotions, love and fear.
07:57So if you're not in love, you're in fear.
07:59And that fear will manifest as jealousy or angry or bitterness or envy and those kinds of things.
08:06The meanness.
08:06So people will dishonor or be dishonest in the external world thinking that it's going to fill a need that they have instead of just asking for what they need.
08:19Yeah.
08:19You know, I need you all to say you love me.
08:23Every day.
08:24Every day.
08:24Around lunch.
08:26In the evening.
08:27But then even when they say they love you, though, there's part of us that's like, oh, I don't believe you.
08:32But, you know, because we're human beings and that's part of our affliction and our craziness.
08:37There's never enough.
08:39Because we are conditioned and programmed as human beings to be externally referenced.
08:44And as long as you're externally referenced, looking for your peace, joy, love, satisfaction out there, there'll never be enough.
08:51The work is to get that stuff from the inside, fill your cup, and then live beyond the overflow.
09:00You know, so we lie because there's something that we need that we don't ask for.
09:05And Steve, what stuck out to me was when you were talking to the woman from Bridezilla, and she was saying, you were saying every woman wanted to be chose, right?
09:14Because she's not married anymore.
09:16But then it made me think, we also want to be chose by our followers.
09:19Yes.
09:19It's become this, it used to, you know, be like we just want to be chose romantically, right?
09:23But now I feel like that has extended into our need to be chose on social media every day.
09:29And it's just, it's exhausting.
09:31Again, it's a conditioning, it's a programming where you're seeking external validation.
09:37Because someone to click, I like you, they don't know you.
09:40They haven't seen you.
09:42They don't, you don't know them.
09:44You ain't seen them.
09:45They could have, you know, boogers hanging out there.
09:47They could be a sexual predator or, you know, a theft, a thief.
09:55But they liking you.
09:57You understand what kind of craziness.
09:59And you're refreshing.
10:01I'm waiting for them to do it.
10:03Please follow me.
10:04Who are you?
10:06Wait, I love when you said we dishonor, dismiss, and devalue ourselves.
10:12That's how we show up on social media.
10:13Yes, that's right.
10:13So we're looking for other people to validate us.
10:16And then get, find ourselves by doing that, find ourselves in a situation that we then
10:21can't get out of because we set it up.
10:25The classic victims of our brother R. Kelly.
10:28They wanted something, external validation, fame and fortune and a career, thought he could
10:34get it, and then found themselves in a situation that they couldn't get out of.
10:39But we do it every day.
10:40We do it on social media.
10:42We do it in our relationships.
10:43We do it at jobs.
10:44We do it everywhere because we're programmed and conditioned to be externally referenced
10:50as opposed to internally referenced.
10:52I don't care who it is, what it is, where it is.
10:55You know, I'm getting in here first.
10:58You know, my students and my friends, they tease me.
11:01They say, did you pray about what shoes to wear today?
11:04Yep.
11:08Because I don't know how far I got to walk and I don't want to have one of the ones that's
11:12going to hurt.
11:13Yes, I did.
11:14Pray about everything.
11:15You pray about everything.
11:17Yep, I do.
11:18And not praying to an outside God, but tuning in to the inside wisdom.
11:23You know, one of the things that I said this morning, probably in a company of males, which
11:27horrified them.
11:28I said, you know, once you lose your underarm hair and you lose the hair in the private
11:34places, wisdom sets it up.
11:39And you don't do things the way you used to.
11:42So I don't have no underarm hair.
11:44I got wisdom.
11:44Yes, I'm going to pray about my shoes.
11:47The wisdom comes back in other places.
11:51The good places are bald.
11:53But my mind is clear.
11:55Yes, amen, amen.
11:57I'm laughing extra hard because I thought I'm crazy because sometimes when I'm going to
12:02a new nail shop, I will sit and think, okay, I need this experience to be positive.
12:09And so I think that's like praying.
12:10I'm like, I don't need to go to a nail shop and have an issue with one of those ladies.
12:16So I sit and I say, please make this a positive experience.
12:20Internally referenced.
12:22DMV, you do it?
12:23Like, I need a positive experience as I walk in here.
12:26Well, I go deeper than that.
12:28I say, clear the line.
12:29Let everybody have what they need by the time I get there.
12:33Clear the line.
12:34Because I can't stay in one place anywhere too long because sooner or later,
12:40it's not a problem.
12:41Oh, true.
12:42Yeah.
12:44Can you help me real quick?
12:45Speaking of that, you know, we've been talking a lot on the show about what we're working
12:49through this year.
12:50I'm a very bubbly and positive person.
12:52That's the energy I like to give out.
12:53But I feel like people are so much uglier now in Trump's America and with everything
12:58that's happening.
13:00Did you say that before?
13:01Yes.
13:01The occupant of the White House.
13:03Okay.
13:0445, the occupant.
13:05We're right.
13:06We're right.
13:06The man who shall not be named again.
13:08But I feel like it's harder for me as somebody who likes to give out what I, you know, get
13:13back what I give out.
13:14I'm not getting anything back.
13:15Let me, I want to hold your hands and I want to tell you something that I experienced yesterday
13:19on a first class plane.
13:21I'm not going to name the airline.
13:23Okay.
13:24And I went in and I sat down and usually I'm the only fly in the Super Bowl.
13:29I'm the only black person in first class.
13:31I bet.
13:31And I go there and I sit.
13:33And I'm usually not dressed in Chanel.
13:34Now I have all my things and I'm, and so I got there and I got to the seat and the gentleman
13:40was there and he looked up at me and he continued being whatever he was being.
13:47And then I said, excuse me, may I get in there?
13:50And so, and he moved and I did not get up.
13:57So I had enough sense to turn facing him so that I didn't put my butt in his face.
14:03And I got over to my seat and squozed around and sat down.
14:06And a few minutes after that, he picked up the phone.
14:09He dialed his phone.
14:10And this is what he said.
14:11Take a breath.
14:12Clutch your pearls.
14:13He says on the telephone, my neighbor is a nigger and probably a dem.
14:24No.
14:25What?
14:26All I could do was look at him because, you know, it just, I,
14:30The Brooklyn in you.
14:32Okay.
14:33But the Brooklyn in me, thank you, Jesus, was not present.
14:37Okay.
14:37The Brooklyn in me was stuck in the security line because there were less TSA agents.
14:43So she was still back in the, in the, in the security line.
14:47So it was Madam.
14:48She was late.
14:49Waiting to board.
14:50Old armpits.
14:51Yana.
14:52Where's the wisdom that she needed?
14:55All I could do was look at him.
14:56Oh my God.
14:57And, and I'm really glad that my brain couldn't calculate what to say.
15:01I really, I just really am.
15:03God, you know, protects fools and babies.
15:06And I just looked at him.
15:08I just looked at him.
15:09That's all I could do.
15:10But what he reminded me, see, I told you.
15:12Oh, we need the hand holding.
15:13Let's breathe.
15:14Let's breathe.
15:16But for me, it, you know, because there was nothing I could have said or done that would
15:21have changed his heart in that moment.
15:23And that came out of his heart.
15:25Yeah.
15:25But this meanness and this division and divisiveness in the universe has released a legion of minions,
15:34you know, that would say things like that.
15:37It's in the air.
15:38But I want them to come up and out.
15:40I want them so that we can see it and stop acting like we don't know it's there.
15:45And it's going to have to be dealt with.
15:47But we can't deal, you know, screaming and scratching and crying and looking at, you know, being upset,
15:54whether it's that man on the plane or R. Kelly or the occupant of the White House, what else
16:00going to do?
16:02But can bald armpits, ayala, teach me how to sit next to a man like that on a plane and
16:07not be deeply darkened?
16:08Because I was not going to dishonor myself to, you know, and it was so shocking to me in the moment.
16:18My next step would have been to teach or to educate, you know, starting with, is it?
16:24But then I'm like, I'm overhearing this conversation.
16:27Am I the neighbor or is it the person that lives next door to him?
16:30You know, then my logical Virgo self kicked in.
16:32But I would have wanted to say, you know, it really isn't kind or loving to use that word.
16:38And particularly in the presence of a person of color.
16:41Are you aware of that?
16:43But see, then had he like not been nice to me, I would have just, I would have punched
16:48him in his face.
16:50And then it would be on the social media lines.
16:53I see the headlines.
16:53So God was saving me.
16:55Yeah, he was.
16:55You know?
16:56He was.
16:56Because you have work to do.
16:57Yeah.
16:57But we have to learn how to respond to things like that.
17:02So my thinking is, because my armpits are bald, that I'm coming up on an experience where
17:08that's going to happen again and I'll have the opportunity to teach or to heal or to learn,
17:15you know, because they're out there.
17:16Don't let that stuff take you out of character.
17:19You're a Virgo, you son.
17:20See, me too.
17:21I'm going to let that take me out of character.
17:24Okay.
17:24Okay.
17:25So don't.
17:26All right.
17:26In the show, Fix My Life, we love you.
17:31The mirror you hold up to these people is so clear.
17:35Two questions.
17:36One, how soon do you realize the bullshit that someone has?
17:39Oh, okay.
17:40Bullshit.
17:41I mean, no, because it seems like, no, seriously.
17:43Seriously.
17:44She is unrattled.
17:46I don't know if there are issues and challenges.
17:48No, but I'm, I mean, but they're not bullshitting me.
17:53They're bullshitting themselves because they've called it, you know, my thing, call a thing
17:59a thing.
18:00They've called it something.
18:02They've named it something.
18:03They've dressed it in something.
18:05They really, people, you know, bless their hearts.
18:07I love them.
18:09They really don't know what it is that they're doing, thinking the way they're being that's
18:14creating their problem.
18:16And so I presented to them.
18:17You'll see 48 minutes of two, sometimes three days.
18:21Trust me.
18:22I presented to them in a variety of ways.
18:25But unfortunately, or fortunately for television, the way that you'll see is when I'm here, you
18:31know, and not when I'm, beloved, have you considered, beloved, let me share something with you, you
18:37know, and then when the resistance and the fear and the againstness comes up, I'm like,
18:43look, you ain't come here for no damn healing.
18:46But there was many conversations before that.
18:50Beloved.
18:50The beloved moment.
18:52I just want to see you say, not on my watch.
18:54You know, there are many conversations.
19:00You know, I usually start at a zero.
19:03By the time I get to eight, nine, ten, there have been many conversations.
19:07But this particular show with these sisters, that was the first time in my experience on
19:15Fix My Life that I really realized that someone was not there for the healing.
19:20They really weren't.
19:22Other people are there for the healing.
19:23And they just get scared or, because they think, they have in their mind that they're
19:28going on reality TV.
19:29Yeah.
19:29And it's, you know, it's going to be this thing.
19:31They don't have any idea of the process.
19:33We got a process.
19:35You know, from the time you get in the door and the coach is staging you, to then we standing
19:39in a circle praying.
19:41And you're like, oh, damn, wait a minute.
19:42Hold on.
19:43This is real.
19:44Because reality is not always real.
19:45Which is what Solo said when he finished.
19:49So this was the first time I realized that someone wasn't here for the healing.
19:55And it annoyed me, not angered me.
19:58People think it's angry because they don't know how to judge emotions.
20:03Very rarely do I get angry.
20:05I will get annoyed or frustrated, but not angry.
20:09And it angered me or frustrated me, annoyed me.
20:13No, actually she angered me.
20:14Because she was sitting in the seat that somebody else could have been in.
20:18I wanted to do the work.
20:20That really.
20:20Or needed the work.
20:21Yeah.
20:22Because we get lots of applications.
20:24And there were a lot of other people.
20:26But we took her because she played the game.
20:28But when she's sitting in front of me, and now I see the truth.
20:31And you were like, take those lashes off, you know.
20:43Yes.
20:43You too.
20:45So just because it was a wasted opportunity.
20:47Yeah.
20:48Not because of her.
20:49She could have still gotten the healing and the support.
20:52But that's not what she came for.
20:54So she didn't get it.
20:56We are all talking about R. Kelly this week.
20:59But beyond the man, we're talking, especially here at Essence,
21:03where we've been talking about black girls.
21:05How we are sometimes not afforded innocence.
21:10And how, you know, it was easier for, you know, the culture not to pay attention to it.
21:16Because had it been some white girls, they say.
21:18You know the phrase.
21:19Had it been some white girls, he would have been in jail or under the jail.
21:23Why?
21:23Tell me why he would have been in jail or under the jail.
21:26Well, I think people think because the community would have probably rallied,
21:30not our community, but just the mainstream community would have rallied more around him.
21:34I don't believe that to be true.
21:36I don't believe that to be true.
21:38I don't either.
21:38Because I think about the Catholic church.
21:40Catholic church.
21:41I think about the gym, gymnast, doctor.
21:43That's right.
21:44And so the culture overall, not just black culture community.
21:47We'll sacrifice our children, we'll, yeah, sacrifice our children for, again, external validation.
21:56All of those young girls there wanted fame.
22:02Wanted something that they thought another human being could give them.
22:07And their parents wanted that thing for them too.
22:09That fame, that acknowledgement, that recognition.
22:15And he represents the level of abuse of power that is going on everywhere in our society.
22:25There's a huge situation right now where a person of power is being abusive.
22:32That's what he did.
22:33Not all he did.
22:34He abused his power.
22:35His power that we gave him because we liked his music.
22:39Because he was a famous person.
22:42Because we thought he had some money and possibility to give us what we needed for the external validation.
22:49This, for me, is not about R. Kelly.
22:50It's not about those girls.
22:51It's about the consciousness that we carry.
22:55For me, what he did, I will never condone it.
22:58I don't support it.
22:59I'm just looking at the broader picture.
23:01It's no different.
23:02R. Kelly and those girls are no different from the mother whose boyfriend is squeezing the breast of her daughter.
23:09And when the daughter says it, the mother says, you're lying.
23:11What's the difference?
23:12And as long as we think it's different, we won't address the issue.
23:18We'll attack the person.
23:20We won't address the issue.
23:21We got to address the issue.
23:23Yes.
23:23We undervalue our girls.
23:27We sell our children for fame and fortune.
23:32This is going to come back and bite me, so help me, Lord.
23:35It's no different that we take our young boys out of college and send them to the NFL so they can make money and buy mama a house.
23:46No emotional preparation.
23:49No spiritual preparation.
23:51Just go out there on the field and bang heads and make some money.
23:54Come on now.
23:55I'm looking at the issue, not the industry, not the people.
23:58We have to take more value of our children and ourselves and know it ain't always about the money and the external validation and the fame and the fortune.
24:09Can you hear me?
24:10Yeah.
24:12I'll shut up now.
24:13No, I mean, we're taking it in.
24:14I'm taking it in because it's very true.
24:16And what conversations should we be having with our daughters?
24:19That's what I think we've also been talking a lot about with ourselves, but also with our daughters.
24:23Because I saw a lot of celebrities in particular coming out and saying, after I watched it, I went to talk to my daughter.
24:29But I wanted to follow up and be like, what did you say to her?
24:31You know, or your sons, you know, and all of them.
24:33You are beautiful and you are precious.
24:36You are beautiful and you are precious just as you are.
24:39You know, what is it that you want to be?
24:42You want to sing?
24:43Okay, baby, go over there, get that fork in that pot.
24:46Come on, let's do a talent show tonight.
24:49I remember my niece, my nephews, my granddaughters, we used to have a Labor Day barbecue.
24:56And, you know, there's Native Americans, half of us is Cuban, the other half is Jamaican, Trinidadian, whatever.
25:02So we would play the music and teach the girls how to whine.
25:05We wanted to teach them how to whine in a family and a safe environment so that they didn't have to go do it at the club.
25:12All of them have gone to college.
25:14None of them have babies outside of marriage.
25:17All of them are with decent boys because we didn't shy away from having hard conversations with them, teaching them how to value their body.
25:24You don't need somebody to tell you, you want to sing?
25:26Let's have a talent show.
25:27Come on, sing.
25:28You understand?
25:29Instead of making it about the fame out there and the money out there.
25:33Do you feel, is there any part, I hear you, is there any part where a parent could say, but I was just trying to do what I thought I had to do for my daughter?
25:49Absolutely.
25:49You know?
25:50And I hear that.
25:50There were things that I thought I needed to do for my children that I did that jacked them up.
25:57You know?
25:57That's a mother's job.
25:59Mess your kids up.
26:01Keep the therapist in business.
26:03You know?
26:04Yes.
26:05But safety.
26:06I want to know how many mothers of those girls were sexually violated.
26:12I want to know.
26:13So their perceptions were off or their tolerance and, I just want to know, you know?
26:25Because that's another generational curse.
26:28The cycle.
26:28Generational curse, yeah.
26:29And also they were working, you know, you're working two jobs.
26:32You're trying to support your children.
26:34I also think they just weren't aware.
26:35You know?
26:36I mean, that's why it's been hard for me to even think of placing any blame.
26:39But it's not about blame.
26:40And this is not about blame, because that's how everybody's looking at this.
26:44Lock him up.
26:45Stop his music.
26:46How is that going to help those women heal?
26:48We need to get him heal and hold so he can sit in their face and acknowledge what he did.
26:54Because denial is what's keeping them sick and crazy.
26:58His denial.
26:59And that's why they, and I want to know from them, tell me why you didn't tell.
27:04What was going on that you didn't tell, that you didn't feel safe to tell?
27:08Because that's what we have to clean up.
27:11That our girls don't feel safe to come and say, he touched me.
27:14Or they looked at me.
27:16Or this is what happened.
27:17Or, you know, I want to sing and I'm willing to do, you know.
27:22That's the problem.
27:24That's, yeah.
27:25Amen.
27:26Before we re-wrap up.
27:28I do want to say, though.
27:29Oh, go ahead.
27:30Trickeration and shenanigans.
27:31Nations.
27:32It's my new yes.
27:34Yes.
27:36Forcoming on Essence.com will be a glossary.
27:39It's my amicisms.
27:41Isms.
27:42You have to put trickeration and shenanigans.
27:45Can we get some definitions?
27:47Conflama.
27:48Conflama.
27:49Conflama.
27:49Which is confusion that leads to drama.
27:51Conflama.
27:52Conflama.
27:53And I don't know if you heard it here, she said crazyment.
27:55Yeah, crazyment.
27:56Crazyment.
27:57What about enoughness?
27:58Enoughness?
27:59This is your recap vocabulary, y'all, for 2019.
28:02Yes.
28:02To do the work.
28:03Okay.
28:04Yes, yes.
28:05Oh, my God.
28:05But I was telling the ladies last week, and I want to say congratulations, but I also
28:10had a moment.
28:11I received in the mail the 25th anniversary of Acts of Faith.
28:16Woo!
28:16Congratulations.
28:1725 years.
28:18Acts of Faith lived in the number one position on the Essence bestseller list for three years.
28:23And now she's 25 years old, so I definitely wanted to bring her home.
28:27Essence is her home.
28:28She was born in Essence.
28:30She lived in Essence.
28:31Essence lifted her.
28:32And now, you know, she's here to celebrate.
28:35Is she going to be an app, though?
28:36Okay.
28:37Because, you know, I don't have time to read, no.
28:38She's going to be an app.
28:40Oh, a tour.
28:40I'm taking her on tour next year.
28:42I'm here for this.
28:42This year, actually.
28:4333 cities.
28:44Oh, yes.
28:44I'm going to go.
28:45The Acts of Faith remix tour.
28:47Oh.
28:48Yes.
28:48Is that exclusive?
28:49Did we know that?
28:49I don't know.
28:50That's an exclusive.
28:51Exclusive?
28:52Do we know?
28:53We did not know that.
28:57It's an exclusivation.
28:59Okay.
28:59Put that in the dictionary.
29:02An exclusivation.
29:02RSVP, thank you for New York.
29:04I'll be there.
29:05See you in the front row.
29:06I know you'll have some seats.
29:07I want to add one word to the glossary.
29:10Okay.
29:11Triary.
29:12Triary.
29:12The act of trying me.
29:14Right.
29:14Me.
29:15Okay.
29:15Triary.
29:16Okay, I got that.
29:17There's a lot of triary happening.
29:18Which is a dangeration for your well-being.
29:22Don't triation me.
29:23Because that's a danger.
29:24Triary is an epidemic right now.
29:26That's kind of what I was saying.
29:27People keep trying me.
29:28I try to wake up every day and say I'm choosing joy.
29:31Triary.
29:32And I'm sick of peace.
29:32Like, Iganla.
29:34Iganla.
29:35We re-round that so many times.
29:40You're like, you're not going to come in my house and not know how to say my name.
29:45Please and thank you.
29:46Thank you for so much.
29:49Every day.
29:50Comedy.
29:50You make healing so accessible.
29:52Yes.
29:53You know, humor is my magic.
29:56Because until we can laugh at ourselves, we'll take ourselves too seriously.
30:00And as long as we're not taking, we're taking ourselves so seriously, we don't have a place
30:05for God, the angels, or the ancestors.
30:08So you got to laugh at yourself.
30:09Because you know what?
30:10I am hysterical.
30:12I need help.
30:17If you're our mirror, who's your mirror?
30:20Yeah.
30:22You know what I mean?
30:23Yeah.
30:25My mirror, I think, would be, well, there are a couple of them.
30:32I think one would be Queen Nefeteria is my mirror.
30:38Queen Hatsaput is my mirror.
30:43Harriet Tubman is my mirror.
30:46Madam C.J. Walker is my mirror.
30:52Because I look at them, not at their face or their color, but I look at their issues and
30:57their challenges and the grace and elegance with which they move from them.
31:01I look at what I can learn.
31:03You know, Harriet Tubman had epilepsy, and it didn't stop her from taking people in the
31:09Underground Railroad out of slavery.
31:11And, you know, we got a pimple on our face and can't get to work on time.
31:16I'm going to say it.
31:17What the hell?
31:18Or hair's not done or whatever.
31:20You understand?
31:20Madam C.J. Walker, you know, taught us how to have a level of beauty and stuff, not because
31:26she was ashamed of her naps or because her hair wasn't, you know, acceptable, but because
31:32she was showing to take what you have and use it in a way that serves and supports people
31:37and put some dollars in your pocket.
31:39I like that.
31:40You understand?
31:41So those are my mirrors.
31:44So when we look at the queens of the ancient, old ways where they really weren't accepted,
31:49where this queen had to dress like a man to be in the army to save her people, come on
31:53now.
31:54So those are my mirrors.
31:57I like what Barack Obama calls it descendants of ideas.
32:01Oh, yeah.
32:01Yeah, yeah, yeah.
32:02You know who else is a mirror for me?
32:05Not only a mirror, but just an anchor and a rock is Susan Neltow.
32:10Yes, amen.
32:12Mother, queen mother.
32:13Our queen mother.
32:14People on how to say my name.
32:15I know people think it was Oprah, but it wasn't.
32:18It was Susan Neltow who put me on the cover of Essence magazine in 1988.
32:24Yeah.
32:25Yeah.
32:25Oprah saw me on the cover of Essence, you know?
32:29So that's another mirror for me, the quiet elegance.
32:33It's also what we like to call a receipt.
32:35Receipt.
32:36Oh, yeah, receipt.
32:37That's a receipt.
32:37I have receipts.
32:38I have one show where I do receipts because they told me about, I tell the guests, I have
32:42receipts.
32:43Yes.
32:43For days.
32:44Okay.
32:45I have street cred.
32:46Did you all know?
32:46CBS.
32:47CBS receipts.
32:48You know the law?
32:50But she also said she has street cred.
32:53They're like, what are they talking about now?
32:55This show is over.
32:56Are they still here?
32:58Thank you so much for always giving so much to us.
33:01And let me say, I love you all.
33:03Oh.
33:04I love your youth.
33:05I love your beauty.
33:06I love that y'all have different perspectives and different approaches and, you know, how
33:10you work together and match together.
33:12I love it.
33:13I really appreciate you.
33:14I want you to know that.
33:16Thank you so much.
33:17Woo.
33:18My heart is cold.
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