00:00Hi, I'm Charlie Penn, Relationships Editor for Essence.com.
00:07Welcome back to another episode of Essence Debate.
00:10I have my divas here.
00:11So today we want to talk about Valentine's Day.
00:14It gets a bad rap.
00:15Right, ladies?
00:16Or a great rap.
00:17It gets a lot of attention and a lot of love and some good money spent.
00:21Depends on how you look at it.
00:22Depends.
00:23Right.
00:24So we're going to talk about it.
00:25I feel like we have all the roles in place here.
00:27We have a hater.
00:28No, I'm just kidding.
00:29You did tell me you don't like Valentine's Day.
00:31I'm not the biggest fan.
00:32I will be honest.
00:33So everyone knows that Sheree and I are all about team love.
00:35So we'll let you start with you telling us why you are not a Valentine's Day fan.
00:39I'm not a Valentine's Day fan because I don't feel like there should be one day devoted to it.
00:44Uh-huh.
00:45If you're with somebody, you should celebrate them all the time.
00:48If you want to give me chocolate, like, cool, because what girl doesn't want chocolate?
00:52But there doesn't have to be one day where we just, like, go all in.
00:56So you think it's commercialized?
00:58Yes, for sure.
00:59It means that you have to do something, whereas you should do something all the time.
01:05A flag on the plate.
01:06Because people, it's one thing to say I don't care.
01:08It's because I don't care about college sports.
01:10But do I hate them?
01:11No.
01:12So when you say hate, anyone who hates Valentine's Day, I usually say, girl, what's really underneath
01:16all of that?
01:17Because it's an opportunity to love anybody in your life.
01:19I agree with Sharia in that I feel like, okay, I'm team love.
01:22I'm like, ah, Valentine's Day love.
01:23I love it.
01:24Because, I mean, Charlie, you've shared a lot in the magazine and talked about it's not
01:27always been a great memory for you, but you've really chosen to say, I love this.
01:32It's a great opportunity to show love.
01:33We had an epic Valentine's Day party at Essence.
01:36We did.
01:37It was everything.
01:38And we got everybody in the spirit.
01:39We played, what was it?
01:40Pin the case on Idris?
01:41Pin the heart on Idris.
01:43Pat and Pin and Don't Try and Steal My Game.
01:45It was awesome.
01:46Can we take a moment to spoon?
01:48But we made it fun for everyone.
01:50It wasn't a couples event, right?
01:52It wasn't a singles event.
01:53It wasn't a love fest, right?
01:54And that's what it should be.
01:56I think, of course, we should be doing everything every day.
01:59You should love your family every day.
02:00Right.
02:01But Thanksgiving comes, and you know what?
02:02You slow down enough to go spend time with family.
02:04But you're saying it's commercialized, right?
02:05Yeah, and it's not that I'm cynical at all.
02:07Like, I'm all here for the love and the romance.
02:09And like, ooh, it's coming from both sides.
02:13Just a little bit.
02:14I'm not even looking at it.
02:15I can feel it, y'all.
02:16But you're holding it down for the anti-Valentine's Day folks?
02:19Well, yeah.
02:20And I mean, I'm all here for like the showing your man some love and doing things for your girlfriends
02:25and all of that stuff.
02:26But it doesn't have to be this one day where you go in and go all out.
02:30And I think that's the problem.
02:31And I totally, I will say, you can be anti-commercialism and still pro-Valentine's Day.
02:35There's so many things you can do.
02:36I love to show love to everybody.
02:38I used to give Valentine's Day cards out to my coworkers.
02:40I grew up loving this holiday at school.
02:42For you, for you, and your book bag, and your book bag.
02:45And like, you don't have to let that girl go.
02:47Like, I really bring that girl back.
02:49And I will confess that I don't always go as big in my relationship with my man.
02:53Because I'm a great Valentine every day.
02:55But I do try and step it up.
02:56Make sure I love cards.
02:57So I make sure I get him a card.
02:58I make sure I send stuff to my parents, to my little sister who's 16.
03:02If you don't, if you're not in a relationship, even if you are, it's really important that
03:05we start to show young women especially.
03:07So I always try and make her feel special so she's not looking outward for that attention.
03:12Especially as black people, y'all, we don't want to start throwing shade to Valentine's Day.
03:16Because that's the same stuff you say about Valentine's Day, they say about Black History Month.
03:19Why do we need it?
03:20Now you're talking.
03:21It's always there.
03:22So it's just a reminder to get in that mindset for love.
03:24Why did you have to go?
03:25Why do we have to connect those dots?
03:27Listen.
03:28No, but you're right.
03:29And I always tell my best friend, you are the love of my life.
03:31No shade to my husband.
03:32Right.
03:33Honey, I love you.
03:34But she's the other love of my life, right?
03:36Right.
03:37That's what we'll say.
03:38And you know, my girls, they're the other loves of my life.
03:40So I agree with you, Sharia.
03:41Like, make it just about love however.
03:42Yes.
03:43Lauren, did we get you some good cards?
03:44No, I don't feel defeated.
03:45Are you hanging in there?
03:46Okay.
03:47I still am not here for the whole Valentine's Day business.
03:50But do how you do and love who you love.
03:52The business of the love.
03:53Fellas oftentimes are not into Valentine's Day at all unless we encourage them to be.
03:57Mm-hmm.
03:58Thoughts?
03:59I think it definitely needs to be a couple conversation because you don't want to have
04:02that imbalance for somebody who's like, I've never celebrated.
04:04It's not you.
04:05I just don't celebrate.
04:06And that person who's like, I love this holiday.
04:07So you want to talk about those things.
04:08Talk about expectations.
04:09Right.
04:10So whether you're celebrating Valentine's Day or you're passing, like Lauren.
04:13I'm just kidding.
04:14Or you're passing altogether.
04:15Either way, happy Valentine's Day to everyone from Essence Hearts to yours.
04:19Bye.
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