- 17 hours ago
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FunTranscript
00:00.
00:30You think you got away with it?
00:35I know what you did.
00:40I know.
00:45I know.
00:49I know.
00:50I know.
00:51I only turned my back on it for two minutes.
00:53Sorry, we were trying not to wake you.
00:55You crashed that.
00:56Hey?
00:57Sorry, Brekkie was meant to be a treat.
01:00I know.
01:01I know.
01:02I know.
01:03I know.
01:04I know.
01:05I know.
01:06I know.
01:07I know.
01:08I know.
01:09I know.
01:10I know.
01:11I know.
01:12I know.
01:13I know.
01:14I'm the woman.
01:15Good job I got my left hand woman, eh?
01:17Oh, I almost forgot.
01:19Erm...
01:21Or for you.
01:23They were my last present.
01:25I gave them to him on Christmas Day.
01:27They're too good.
01:29I can't...
01:31Well, I can't.
01:33No, no, you should...
01:35I can't.
01:36I can't.
01:37I can't.
01:38I can't.
01:39I can't.
01:40Oh.
01:41Let me move pole.
01:45You know, if you're still struggling with your eulogy, me and Theo can take Paul's ashes down to Shuttleworth.
01:50Right, he said his goodbyes to Billy, yes?
01:52No, no, no, no.
01:53No, honestly, it's erm...
01:55No problem.
01:56Anything I can do to help.
02:00I can't.
02:01I can't.
02:02I can't.
02:03I can't.
02:04I can't.
02:05I can't.
02:06It's a change of you being waited on in this place, doesn't it?
02:08Yeah.
02:09Could get a taste for it.
02:10Hmm.
02:10Don't.
02:11You want to say excuse me?
02:12Oh, she's kidding.
02:13Yeah, but today...
02:15No, she gets it.
02:16I just want to feel normal.
02:17No, come on, honey.
02:18I know you're okay.
02:19You want everybody else.
02:20You're supposed to feel normal.
02:21Another funeral?
02:22Come on.
02:23Yes, I have been to...
02:25too many, but that's the price you pay for a long life, and in some ways...
02:30It's a privilege.
02:31But I'm more concerned about summer.
02:34No.
02:35Look, she's just a kid, and Billy was a rock.
02:38We need to rally round.
02:40You're right.
02:43Hey.
02:44You all sad?
02:45Yeah.
02:46Yeah, as much as I can be.
02:47Well, I'm sure it'll be a full house if there's any justice.
02:50Hmm.
02:53Er...
02:54Shouldn't you be at work, mate?
02:56Shouldn't you be minding your own business, mate?
02:59See you later.
03:00See, honey, it's just like everybody wants a piece of you, okay?
03:02Okay?
03:03It's not just about your time, okay?
03:04It's that's cortisol level.
03:05Right, lads.
03:06Why don't you take a pew?
03:08I'll get you a brew.
03:09Oh, after you.
03:10Old-timer.
03:11By all means.
03:12Now, I've just been reminded by my boss that I'm, er...
03:15Got a job to go to.
03:17Mm-hmm.
03:18So I want my best staffing on time.
03:20Shoot.
03:20Okay.
03:21Okay.
03:22Okay.
03:23Okay.
03:24Okay.
03:25What most people...
03:30get wrong about Billy?
03:31Oh.
03:32Oh.
03:33Oh.
03:34Oh.
03:35Todd.
03:36Two minutes.
03:37Todd, two minutes.
03:40Yeah, but we're still going to drop Paul's ashes off you.
03:45Billy didn't become a priest because he thought he was better.
03:50He did it because he knew he was the same.
03:55Flawed, like the rest of us.
04:00It was...
04:04It's so...
04:06Nah.
04:07I wanted him to sing.
04:09Listen.
04:11Why don't you let George read it out, eh?
04:14I will be alright when I get up.
04:16Adrenaline will kick in.
04:18It'd be too much for anyone.
04:21I owe him.
04:24I owe him...
04:25Thank you so much.
04:37John, he's doing too much.
04:40He's doing the funeral.
04:41He's doing the eulogy.
04:42He's looking after summer.
04:43I said something you need to take a back seat.
04:45Oh, yeah, yeah.
04:46I've...
04:47I've said the same.
04:48Er...
04:49George?
04:50How's that customer been in touch?
04:52You know, the one, erm...
04:54The one who came in when you were...
04:55the valetors?
04:56No.
04:57So we never found out who that was?
04:59No.
05:00No, but...
05:01If they need us, they'll come back.
05:03Hm.
05:05No.
05:06No.
05:07No.
05:08No.
05:09No.
05:10I promise myself I won't gonna do this.
05:12You proper loved him.
05:14I just can't leave...
05:15I'm never gonna hear that beautiful tennis singing voice again.
05:19You've had him lined up, you know.
05:20I'm gonna give Susie some lessons.
05:24I don't like...
05:25Sandra, are you saying that?
05:26Yeah.
05:27Saying what?
05:29Oh...
05:30You've got these cars lovely and shiny, George.
05:33That must take some elbow grease, eh?
05:36Susie, why ain't I car like this?
05:38I'll give you four good reasons.
05:39Oh...
05:40Um...
05:41So, friends, if you'd like to start making your way,
05:43we'll...
05:44we'll see you at...
05:45See...
05:45St. Mary.
05:46I'm gonna walk.
05:49Kiss.
05:50It's mortified.
05:51It's a short staff loop.
05:52It's snowed under.
05:53David is showing I can't make it.
05:55Must be Al.
05:56We are going...
05:58Must be Al.
05:59We are going...
06:00We're going through.
06:02Went looking for you in The Undertaker's.
06:06What?
06:07Never interrupt a man at prayer.
06:09No one is...
06:10He's got so much to offload.
06:12Deal?
06:14Waiting for you.
06:15Toodle-bip.
06:20So much for family.
06:23So much for family.
06:25I'd rather ride with you guys.
06:30Toodle-bip.
06:31And the depleted plants.
06:32In their presence they both are thick.
06:34It was cold!
06:35I do.
06:40All creatures, great and small
06:45All creatures, great and small
06:49All creatures, great and small
06:50All creatures, great and small
06:55All creatures, great and small
07:00All creatures, great and small
07:02Now, please be seated
07:04You know this thing all about glass
07:05stone now looks on red tested I'm reliably informed that that will
07:10be considered an old school banger on the festival circuit
07:15see I told you I'm sure that would make Billy laugh
07:20I've spoken about Billy
07:25the Reverend but to talk about Billy the man
07:30I welcome his best friend
07:35Todd Grimshaw
07:40thanks
07:45you
07:50you
07:55the first time I saw Billy
07:57in his dog
08:00I thought
08:05ah
08:10what a waste
08:11oh yeah
08:12it is
08:14what just
08:15he's not the only one
08:16did you fancy a billionaire
08:20five minutes in his company though
08:22and I really
08:25realized
08:25it was all
08:30win
08:35for you
08:40you
08:42you
08:43you
08:45I can't
08:50go now babe
08:51go on
08:55I'm
08:56I'm
08:57I'm
08:58I'm
08:59I'm
09:00I'm
09:01I'm
09:02I'm
09:03I'm
09:04I'm
09:05I'm
09:06I'm
09:07I'm
09:08I'm
09:09I'm
09:10I'm
09:11I'm
09:12I'm
09:13I'm
09:14I'm
09:15I'm
09:16I'm
09:17I'm
09:18I'm
09:19I'm
09:20I'm
09:21I'm
09:22I'm
09:23I'm
09:24I'm
09:25I'm
09:26I'm
09:27I'm
09:28I'm
09:29I'm
09:30I'm
09:31I'm
09:32I'm
09:33I'm
09:34do you know what cards on the table the
09:39first time I saw Todd and Billy together I was so jealous
09:44I saw him laugh and
09:49bicker and call each other out
09:52and
09:54I saw them be amazing fathers
09:59it's a summer
10:02I saw them grieve
10:04I
10:06often wounded like
10:09if there was enough room for me
10:11you know
10:14this was Billy Mayhew
10:19he made room
10:20he always made room
10:24yeah
10:29I
10:30I haven't really known Billy Long
10:34and I'm gonna feel cheated
10:39if he'd have stopped at that wedding just an hour longer he'd still be with us
10:44Billy
10:49I am
10:54I hope you're with your beloved Paul
10:59watching the greatest showman
11:01singing out
11:04out at the tops of your voices
11:09I hope you're not in pain
11:10and
11:10I hope you're at peace
11:14I hope you're at peace
11:19cheers mate
11:24I hope you're at peace
11:29thank you
11:34Good afternoon, mate. I'm going to have to ask you to take that off. Sorry, it's hotel policy.
11:39I'm going to have to ask you to open the safe.
11:41Well, it's lined up.
11:44That's legit. You hate me. I don't.
11:49I don't know the combination.
11:49You said open the safe. No.
11:54You said open the safe.
11:59You said open the safe.
12:04You said open the safe.
12:09You said open the safe.
12:11You said open the safe.
12:13You said open the safe.
12:14You said open the safe.
12:16I'm a manager.
12:18I'm a manager.
12:20I'm a manager.
12:22I'm the manager.
12:23I'm a manager.
12:24I'm a manager.
12:26My manager.
12:27Ah, the mousse, please.
12:28Zane, I'll get a sweater.
12:32Come on, try me, huh?
12:34Call, call, leave it.
12:36Land, go.
12:37All right, hey, are you okay?
12:38Yeah, I'm over here.
12:39I'm okay.
12:40I'm going to call for help.
12:40Okay.
12:42Oh, yeah, I need police now.
12:47Oh, yeah, I need police now.
12:52Oh, yeah, I need police now.
12:56Oh, yeah, I need police now.
12:57Oh, yeah, I need police now.
13:02Oh, yeah, I need police now.
13:07Oh, happy day.
13:09Oh, happy day.
13:12Oh, yeah, I need police now.
13:17Oh, yeah, I need police now.
13:22Oh, yeah, I need police now.
13:25Oh, yeah, I need police now.
13:27Oh, yeah, I need police now.
13:32Oh, yeah, I need police now.
13:35Cheers.
13:35Thanks.
13:36Erm, yeah, I was just...
13:37I played for time, really, to be honest, mate.
13:39Erm, and then the pizza guy brings out this...
13:42Clawhammer, I thought.
13:45Well, they'd kill me ears.
13:47So I opened it, yeah.
13:50I came straight down.
13:52Well, that looks nasty.
13:53It's a good job Carl got here when he did.
13:56Look, have...
13:57I've been here before, mate.
13:58Mm.
14:00Well, anyway...
14:02There's two of them.
14:04Two against one with a hammer.
14:06Er...
14:07I'd give them a combination.
14:08OK.
14:09All right.
14:10Then...
14:12They, er...
14:13They were kicking off.
14:16Erm...
14:17It wasn't enough.
14:19Then they dragged me out and opened the till and that.
14:22That's when...
14:23That's when Carl walked in.
14:24They took the flow for the night bar.
14:26200 quid.
14:28And...
14:29Three grand are Debbie.
14:30We've drew from the bank.
14:32She wanted to pay for Billy's funeral.
14:34Billy's mates wouldn't take it so Muggins here told her to put her in the cell...
14:37If you can believe that.
14:38If you can believe that.
14:42Yeah.
14:43It's all right.
14:44It's all right.
14:45It'll be all right for a drink, guys.
14:47Oh, I think so.
14:48What are you saying, mate?
14:49It's...
14:50Mm.
14:51On the house.
14:52Thank you very much.
14:53All right.
14:56Steady, darling.
14:58Well, it's thirsty work all that morning, isn't it?
15:01Talking to an expert.
15:02Eva.
15:03Eva?
15:04Is it just that first one that's for him?
15:06There's no stinting on mine.
15:08I thought you'd be relieved it's all over.
15:11We just buried my best mate.
15:13Almost there.
15:14There.
15:15You were the star of the ship.
15:17Yeah.
15:18Are you jealous?
15:19Jealous?
15:20Jealous.
15:23I can't do the seat.
15:24All right.
15:25Let's go on.
15:26If you need.
15:27Right.
15:28That is it.
15:29I am burning.
15:32All of the black clothes in my wardrobe.
15:34Burning.
15:35Well, donate them.
15:37Watch out, Gregory Pope.
15:38You won't know what's hit you.
15:41I swear to...
15:42You would over that eulogy and you didn't even read it.
15:45A couple of sentences and then...
15:47And here's Theo.
15:48Everybody loved it.
15:49I thought you would've known.
15:50He was my best friend.
15:52And...
15:53Say it.
15:55Say it, Todd.
15:56And then...
15:57Not my biggest fun.
16:02Look, I couldn't read your words.
16:05Look, I couldn't read your words.
16:07It's my fault he's dead.
16:10It's my fault he's dead.
16:12Wesen.
16:18Everybody knows.
16:19I've just been...
16:20A bit braver.
16:22Billy would still be with us.
16:23Billy would still be with us.
16:32You did him proud.
16:33We did him proud.
16:35We did him proud.
16:36We did...
16:37You saw the amazing turnout.
16:38I don't want to...
16:42Fall out today.
16:43Alright?
16:44I need today...
16:45To be a success.
16:48So let's have a good drink.
16:49Alright?
16:50None of that Prosecco rubbish.
16:52That's not a good drink.
16:53I don't know who I can.
16:54I think he's got some decent reds.
16:56Er...
16:57Sorry...
16:57Listen, look, listen, I'm going to stay out here and check my messages.
17:02Well, why don't you go inside and see if she's got a nice pot there?
17:04Why?
17:07Why don't you go inside and see if she's got a nice pot there?
17:12Flying horse, four o'clock we said in the rock up here, street where Ryan lives.
17:15It's not like he's going to recognise us.
17:17Is it?
17:17We went out on a limb and for what?
17:19A poxy few quid.
17:21I cleared the safety.
17:22This morning, you don't really think I trust you jokers with serious cash?
17:25And you wonder why we came to you?
17:27All right, calm down.
17:30I've got your cash.
17:32I've got your cash.
17:37Here we have, me and Adam, getting down and dirty.
17:39Adam, should I be listening to this?
17:42Hover your ears.
17:43It's ancient history, but anyway, he's dressed as an elf.
17:46I'm dressed as a ra-
17:47I'm dressed as a raindir, full-on tonsil tennis, behind the curtain, in any traps!
17:50I must have blacked all of this out.
17:53Yes, Billy!
17:54With a posse, can I-
17:55Jesus' little sunbeams, he must have been scarred for life.
17:59There were only about six or seven.
18:00That could have been the quads, that!
18:03The kids' eyes were on stock.
18:05Billy's eyes were on stock.
18:07How did he explain that?
18:09Heavy petty.
18:10No!
18:11Terrible, Jill!
18:12No, so he said he was a vet, and-
18:15Rudolph was poorly sexy!
18:17He could think on his feet, all right.
18:19Yeah.
18:19He was-
18:20He was the greatest showman.
18:21True Dapper Dan.
18:25That's a little cotton socks.
18:27She wants to be running on empty.
18:28Mm-hmm.
18:29Psh!
18:30Well, you too, honey, listen, you haven't stopped to draw a breath.
18:33What are you saying?
18:33No, it's a joke, man.
18:35Well, you're a long time, Dad.
18:36I'm serious.
18:38That's the way to let the man slip for a minute.
18:40Oh, crying out loud, will you get a rest?
18:43Oh, my God.
18:45I can't breathe.
18:49Well.
18:50Whether you shared his faith or not, he did more good than I am.
18:55Yeah.
18:55Yeah, way more.
18:58He was the goat of all gods.
19:00Don't bother us.
19:01The billy goat.
19:02Ah.
19:03To the goat.
19:05Wherever he might be, to billy.
19:07To billy.
19:08To billy.
19:09To billy.
19:09To billy.
19:09To billy.
19:09To billy.
19:09To billy.
19:10Mm-hmm.
19:15Just waited five minutes to meself.
19:21It's been a long day.
19:24I quite fancied...
19:25Standing at the bar getting quietly swifty.
19:29Regretting the rousing.
19:31Remembering the good times.
19:34Maybe even cracking...
19:35...me face with a smile.
19:37Oh, no.
19:39Not allowed.
19:40Okay, honey, we can do that here.
19:42I think you want me to break down.
19:45No, you won't be happy till I'm howling and tearing me hair out.
19:50What?
19:51Cos you didn't write the rule book, Dev, on grief, on life, on anything...
19:55So why don't you let your mask drop, hey?
20:00You know, cos everyone's seen what a wonderful, caring husband you are.
20:04Am I right?
20:05Rock.
20:06Gold star, darling.
20:07Give yourself a big pat on the back.
20:09You think I'm...
20:10I'm doing all this for sure?
20:11I think that you've just got to insert yourself at every opportunity.
20:14I had a lot of time for Billy.
20:15Oh, there's a name for that, you know?
20:17Grief Jockey.
20:19Look how much I loved him, see?
20:20How sad I am.
20:23Now I wish he'd stayed at the...
20:25You're gonna regret this in the morning.
20:27Am I?
20:29Don't think so.
20:30No, I don't think so, buddy.
20:35Don't follow me up.
20:36Don't follow me up.
20:40Um, just leave it alone.
20:43You...
20:44I didn't even want to cade back to him.
20:46I love you up...
20:47I love you, man.
20:48You can't be lost.
20:49I love you, man.
20:50I love you.
20:51I've got to stand my head on this.
20:52I love you, man.
20:53I love you, man.
20:54I love you.
20:55I love you.
20:57You love me.
20:58I love me.
20:59You part of me.
21:00I love you.
21:01You and I love you.
21:02I love you.
21:03I love you.
21:05You love you.
21:08You love you.
21:09You love me.
20:45selling apes of weed to kids
20:50i thought you was a serious business
20:52yeah life
20:54i've got one
20:55good one
20:55you better keep your nose out of my business
20:58you bully my sister again
21:00you throw out
21:00and tell your mates
21:03about your guilty conscience
21:05oh look at her trying not to bite
21:10trying to work it all out
21:11i heard you snivelling
21:13but
21:13don't you know
21:15corpses can't forgive
21:16question is so
21:19we'll talk
21:20what are you telling
21:21well mate
21:23yeah
21:23what are you telling
21:25and you might end up in a box
21:27like billy
21:30she's fierce
21:31i'm not gonna warn you again
21:35all right
21:36watch your back
21:40i'm not gonna offer
21:42but
21:44so
21:45you
21:45Beep!
21:46I'm not going to lie.
21:47I'm not going to lie.
21:48I'm not going to lie.
21:50Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
21:55Oh, oh, oh, oh.
22:00Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
22:05Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
22:10Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
22:15Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
22:20Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
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