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00:00Tonight on 22 Minutes,
00:02Saskatchewan Premier Scott Moe goes to China,
00:04we watch America's newest game show,
00:06a new Barbie is barely getting by,
00:08and Trump keeps on winning.
00:1022 Minutes starts now!
00:28Enjoy your flight.
00:29Next, please.
00:3212 C, and I'll just need to see that it fits in the sizer.
00:35Whatever.
00:39Oh, no, no, no, that won't do.
00:40What, my bag fits?
00:41I need to see that you fit in the sizer, sir.
00:44Excuse me?
00:45Introducing WestJet's passenger sizer.
00:48Check the size of your ass.
00:51People are waiting, sir.
00:53This is crazy!
01:01It's too tight!
01:03I'm gonna continue with boarding.
01:05Next.
01:0712 C, A. Enjoy your flight.
01:0912 C, A?
01:11Where's that?
01:12On his lap.
01:13Well, I'll frig right off!
01:16I need to verify your ass width prior to boarding.
01:19Sorry, buddy. It's my sister's wedding.
01:21No.
01:22No, no, no, no, no, no.
01:23No!
01:24Oh!
01:25Oh, my hip!
01:27WestJet.
01:28Flying high while we sink to new lows.
01:30And coming soon, WestJet's stackable fares.
01:33Welcome to the show!
01:40This week, the Prime Minister strengthened trade ties
01:43with a partner he says is reliable, predictable,
01:46and aligned with Canada's values.
01:48You guessed it, a China!
01:51Just months ago, Kearney called Beijing
01:53our greatest security threat.
01:55But since then, someone else snagged the top spot.
01:58Some milk would help your cognitive ability.
02:01Absolutely. You can tell who's been drinking milk.
02:03Taking cognitive tests.
02:04I've taken a lot of them.
02:08I've aced every one of them, because I drink milk.
02:11It's actually a legal definition, whole milk.
02:15And it's whole with a W, for those of you that have a problem.
02:20Sorry, America, we can't trust a guy who loves dairy so much
02:23his brain is cottage cheese.
02:26For this crucial trade mission,
02:28Carney brought along all the heavy hitters.
02:31Foreign Affairs Minister Anita Anand,
02:33Saskatchewan Premier Scott Moe,
02:35and Agricultural Minister Heath MacDonald.
02:38Though it might be the last diplomatic trip for old Heath.
02:42And you know Kearney's thinking,
02:52Heath, stop embarrassing me in front of my new friends.
02:55As part of the deal, Beijing agreed to buy more Canadian energy,
02:57lumber, canola, even pet food.
02:58All Kearney had to do was roll over.
03:02In exchange, Canada will allow 49,000 Chinese electric cars into the Canadian market,
03:07which is great for Canadians who want to fight climate change,
03:09but don't want to be seen in an incel tank.
03:11And you know Kearney's thinking,
03:12Heath, stop embarrassing me in front of my new friends.
03:14As part of the deal,
03:15Beijing agreed to buy more Canadian energy,
03:17lumber, canola, even pet food.
03:19All Kearney had to do was roll over.
03:21In exchange, Canada will allow 49,000 Chinese electric cars into the Canadian market,
03:26which is great for Canadians who want to fight climate change,
03:29but don't want to be seen in an incel tank.
03:33The deal has its critics.
03:35Ontario Premier Doug Ford thinks the deal is terrible for autoworkers
03:39and warned that it would not go over well with President Trump.
03:42So brace yourself for the President's wrath.
03:45That's what he should be doing.
03:46I mean, it's a good thing for him to sign a trade deal.
03:49If you can get a deal with China, you should do that.
03:52What?
03:54I mean, Trump doesn't sound like himself.
03:56Somebody get this guy his special milk.
03:59So Kearney's crack team got the deal they wanted,
04:02and they couldn't have done it without Saskatchewan Premier Scott Moe.
04:12Um, good luck in there, Prime Minister.
04:15I'll hold down the Ford out here.
04:19Hello!
04:21As you all know, I'm Scott Moe.
04:24The Premier of Saskatchewan.
04:27I've come all the way from Regina.
04:30And as we like to say, you can't spell Regina without China.
04:36You've probably heard a lot about Canadian resources like gold or oil.
04:40Hang on.
04:41What if you could put them together?
04:43Can't be done, right?
04:44Well, here's it.
04:45Canola.
04:47Say hello to my little friend.
04:49Canola oil.
04:50The dairy of the prairies.
04:52Take a whiff of that.
04:53Come on.
04:54Have a whiff of that.
04:57Picture this.
04:58You're cooking.
04:59But your food is too darn dry.
05:01You're all out of olive oil.
05:02Never fair.
05:03Canola's here.
05:04Come on.
05:05Give me a shot with me.
05:07You gals like shots.
05:08Fine.
05:09Be like that.
05:13Woo!
05:14Corner gas.
05:15You know.
05:16Corner gas!
05:18Could Danielle Smith do this with her oil?
05:23You know how I got to be in charge of the Saskatchewan?
05:27Huh?
05:28With the same shape.
05:30Big rectangle!
05:32Yeah, me and Carney are pretty tight.
05:35He calls me John.
05:36This fun little bit we have where he completely forgets my name.
05:41What am I doing here?
05:43I wasn't even invited.
05:45Come on, buddy.
05:46You got to help me, okay?
05:47I can't go back there empty-handed.
05:49Buy some oil.
05:50I'll do anything.
05:51Do you understand me?
05:52Anything.
05:53We have a deal!
06:06Matt Damon revealed he and Ben Affleck almost starred in a gay baseball film.
06:11It was to be called Wicked Horny Rivalry.
06:17This year's Olympic hockey venue has been described as a disaster and unfit for hockey.
06:23Officials now say it may still be unfinished even when play begins.
06:28Come on.
06:29How bad could it be?
06:31I'm here with Doof Monroe.
06:33Now, Doof, I'm told you were recently given the opportunity to see the state of the Olympic
06:37hockey rink.
06:39Yeah, they flew us vets over to have a look.
06:41See you close.
06:42Well, as close as you could get before the fire drove you back.
06:46So, how do you adjust to these poor conditions?
06:49Yeah, details don't matter, right?
06:50At the end of the day, it's the same game.
06:52We'll get over there, play hard, just try and kick the marble into the hole where the net
06:56would have been, right?
06:57Plus, that goes without saying, but keep away from the cliff.
07:00Don't want to try and be a hero.
07:02Absolutely.
07:03So, how do you avoid Olympic distractions?
07:06Well, our team can handle the hockey if they're still legally allowed to call it hockey.
07:10I'm not too sure.
07:11So, we're totally focused on the game, but if anything comes running out of those woods,
07:15I mean, obviously, we've got to react, right?
07:17I mean, you have to.
07:18You have to.
07:19Now, I've got to ask, did the IOC drop the ball in this situation?
07:24Well, as a hockey player, I don't criticize anyone for anything.
07:28Even if it's morally dicey not to, but I'll say this, I'm not the strongest swimmer.
07:32Um, so what I'd love to have is some ice over there.
07:35And, uh, the solid form of water is really what my game is most adapted to.
07:39But, uh, at the end of the day, H2O is H2O.
07:42And, uh, just got to try and put on a good show for our fans.
07:44And, uh, if the TV cameras work that close to the volcano.
07:49Perfect.
07:50Well, good luck, and try not to die.
07:52Thanks for that. Appreciate it.
07:57Earlier this year, I won the FIFA Peace Prize
08:00for the most peace in all of soccer.
08:03And just last week, I was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize
08:07by the Venezuelan opposition leader.
08:09She gave me hers.
08:11Because nobody stops more wars than me.
08:13I start them, and then I stop them. I really do.
08:16All I had to do to get it was invade her homeland.
08:19She was moved to give it to me.
08:21And by moved, I mean I had her put on a military jet and flown to me.
08:25I would like to accept this award and so many others, quite frankly,
08:29earlier tonight, I also accepted Mel Gibson's 1996 Oscar for Braveheart.
08:36A great movie.
08:37They may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom.
08:40Mel can keep his freedom, but I'm taking his Oscar. I really am.
08:44And I was also presented Dr. Oz's Daytime Emmy Award for the Dr. Oz Show.
08:51He said, sir, he said, no one has done more for science than you.
08:55From bleach cures COVID to Tylenol gives you autism.
08:59I've done so much, it's incredible.
09:01So I accept this Daytime Emmy.
09:03The best kind of Emmy, they tell me.
09:06I wanted a Grammy, but Kid Rock has never won. Can you believe it?
09:10The woke left won't give Kid Rock a Grammy.
09:13But I was just presented a BET Award from Nicki Minaj.
09:20BET Black Entertainment Award, they call it.
09:23I am now the 2016 Best Black Female Hip Hop Artist.
09:27It's a big one. It really is.
09:28A lot of people are saying I was robbed when Megan Thee Stallion won in 2022,
09:33but we have fixed it.
09:34I'm the first white male, black female artist to win.
09:39We don't want men in women's sports, but we do want men in women's hip hop.
09:43For Rizzle, they tell me they do.
09:46And sports, let's not forget the sports, okay?
09:49Earlier tonight, I was awarded the 1984 Stanley Cup.
09:54Wayne Gretzky gave me his ring, and I even let him kiss it.
09:57I really did.
09:59He won in 1984, back when hockey was not gay.
10:01We're gonna make hockey straight again.
10:03We really will.
10:05So thank you for the Nobel Peace Prize.
10:07Excuse me, I have to go invade Greenland now.
10:10But first, I've just been crowned Miss Universe 2023.
10:16It's incredible, isn't it?
10:19Thank you very much.
10:34During his trade mission to China, Prime Minister Carney made one statement that raised eyebrows.
10:43I believe the progress that we have made in the partnership sets us up well for the new world order.
10:53Okay, new rule for politicians. Don't say New World Order. And definitely don't say it that slowly. Or else the trucks will come.
11:08I used to get embarrassed about going to the washroom at work. I was worried someone would recognize my shoes underneath the stall. It was becoming a real problem.
11:21Until I bought Greg's shoes. Every office has a Greg. And their shoes always look like this.
11:30Grey New Balance. I mean, come on. These are the shoes of a Greg. Now I just wear these shoes, really take my time, and everyone thinks it's Greg.
11:40Is that Greg in there? Oh, yeah. Those are his shoes. Man, that guy lives in there.
11:48And I don't have to worry about wasting company time, because I'm wearing Greg's shoes.
11:54What kind of shoes are you wearing, Greg? Grey New Balance. Why?
12:00Feeling all right, Greg? Yeah.
12:03If you need to go home, you can just let me know. Okay.
12:07They're working. And what's even better? Greg's shoes come in women's sizes, so everyone can enjoy the benefits.
12:16There he is. There he is. Right there. This is Greg. He keeps using the woman's washroom, and he really takes his time in there.
12:24What? No, no, I don't. I don't use the women's washroom, and I wouldn't take my time in there.
12:28He's a liar. I recognize those shoes.
12:31Ugh.
12:34Thanks, Greg's shoes.
12:35Okay, Greg, we have to talk about your bathroom usage. I just saw you in there again. Twelve times before lunch? Really?
12:44What? I only used it this morning, and it was quick.
12:46I saw your shoes with my own eyes, Greg. You're a liar. A liar who wastes company time and money. Pack your things and go!
12:53Greg may have lost his job, but we all kept our dignity, thanks to Greg's shoes.
13:04Greg's shoes. It's better if they think it's Greg.
13:06And Ontario Lab is launching Canada's first ever mail-in semen analysis kit. And that's weird. My mailman told me that started months ago.
13:16The federal government is going ahead with its national gun buyback program, despite a pilot program collecting just 12% of the guns it expected, and critics calling it a waste of tax money. Said the government, you talking to me? You talking to me? I don't see anyone else here. You must be talking to me.
13:37Thank you for coming, everyone. Your liberal government is buying back banned guns. Let's see the newest haul.
13:48Why did we get such a big table?
13:51All right, that takes us to a grand total of...
13:55Five. All for the low, low price of... I'd rather not say.
14:00Now, does anyone else in the community want to sell us their gun? Please? You will get scene points.
14:09Yeah, I got guns to sell.
14:12Right here.
14:14Does anyone have actually dangerous things they want to sell?
14:18Can I get my gun back?
14:19No. Why?
14:20Because no one listens to me anymore.
14:22Well, you can't. We do the buyback, not you.
14:25I want a buyback.
14:26You can't buyback the buyback.
14:28Well, I think we should be able to buyback the buyback.
14:30Well, if you buyback the buyback, then there is no buyback.
14:33Oh, buyback this.
14:35I want a buyback, too. My gun's got a sentimental value. My grandpa on his deathbed.
14:41Oh, I'm so sorry to hear.
14:42Shot me with it.
14:44Well, you can't.
14:45Please, I need it. The Hill people are back.
14:47You're gonna have to learn how to deal with them peacefully.
14:50Looks like someone ain't never dealt with the Hill people before.
14:53Does anyone not regret selling us their gun?
14:58Me.
14:59Thank you. Why?
15:00Because I was able to use the money to buy a bigger, scarier gun.
15:04Oh.
15:05So I can...
15:10That kind of thing. It's regular stuff.
15:12Okay. Muscles, get on up here. We'll buy your biceps.
15:16We made the big time, girls.
15:18Mwah, mwah.
15:22Let's get those numbers up on the board!
15:26Why did we use such a long board?
15:28The Liberal Party of Canada spending money to keep you... safe?
15:33Multiple Canadian cities are highlighting their connection to the show heated rivalry to generate tourism.
15:50Only Saskatchewan is not taking part because the characters aren't interested in Regina.
15:54We're exactly one year into Trump's second term, but it sure feels like the third.
16:02Reich.
16:03But the resistance has a voice.
16:05And on a recent visit to a Ford plant, the president heard it.
16:13Hey, Trump may be a pedophile protector, but in his defense, he is one.
16:19Allegedly.
16:22Meanwhile, in Minnesota, Governor Tim Waltz shared an urgent message on how to deal with the ongoing ICE tyranny.
16:28So carry your phone with you at all times.
16:31And if you see these ICE agents in your neighborhood, take out that phone and hit record.
16:36Yeah! Stay safe out there!
16:38And if you see an ICE agent, reach quickly into your pocket and point something at them!
16:44Waltz may be onto something, though.
16:46Filming ICE might not stop them, but it does catch them slipping.
16:57Ha ha!
16:59I can't tell what's more ironic.
17:00ICE taking down ICE or an ass falling on his ass.
17:06So keep recording.
17:08Exactly.
17:10So keep recording and keep these Gestapo school dropouts accountable.
17:13Because it's America.
17:15And in America, no one's gonna argue with video evidence.
17:20And welcome back to this week's episode of Describe That Video, where we ask our contestants to use their very own eyes and ears to...
17:30Describe that video!
17:33Contestant number one is Connie, business owner, mother, and advocate for feline HIV.
17:38Connie, it's time to...
17:41Describe that video!
17:44I see a tree being cut down by a chainsaw.
17:48Is that a question?
17:50No, that's what I see, definitely.
17:52Oh, I'm sorry, Connie. That is not what was in the video.
17:57Yes, it was.
17:58The answer we were looking for was tree attack saw.
18:02But there's no way that could happen.
18:04I guess...
18:05Yes, it is.
18:06You see the same thing I see, and I see an aggressive tree and a chainsaw simply defending itself.
18:12No!
18:13That's what you saw.
18:15Was it?
18:17Next contestant, Graham is a scientist with three PhDs.
18:21Let's...
18:22Describe that video!
18:25Okay, I see...
18:27Well, I see happy children.
18:29Incorrect, Graham.
18:30You see a video of terrorists gathering strength for their next attack.
18:35No, I mean, these are children smiling and playing in a sprinkler.
18:38They're glowering and threatening people with their movements.
18:43Laura is our final contestant.
18:45She owns 17 dogs, and under Bio wrote,
18:48You Tell Me.
18:50And it's time for the lightning round!
18:52Oh!
18:53Laura, describe these videos.
18:55Um...
18:57Well, yeah, um...
18:58Hard to say for sure.
19:01Hmm...
19:02Yeah, um, I need to see another angle.
19:05Oh!
19:06Oh, fake!
19:08Congratulations, Laura!
19:10You got all three correct!
19:13Laura, you've just won lifetime employment with ICE!
19:16Oh!
19:17Thank you for playing...
19:18Describe that video!
19:20Video!
19:21We'll see you next time when I ask contestants,
19:23Did you even see a video?
19:26Good night!
19:27In a recent interview, Kevin O'Leary said he wants to play a Bond villain.
19:43Said James Bond, I'm out.
19:45A new study suggests female doctors in Ontario spend more time with patients than their male counterparts.
19:53Which makes sense when you remember...
19:56Women be talking!
20:00For over 50 years, Barbie has taught kids they can have the career of their dreams.
20:05Today, that's not true anymore.
20:07Introducing Gig Economy Barbie.
20:08Wow, new Barbie, is she an astronaut?
20:11Oh, you wish.
20:13She's a bartender barista dog walker who does catering on the weekend.
20:16She must be rich.
20:18Not even close.
20:19But her landlord is.
20:21Gig Economy Barbie comes with a worthless arts degree, an overheating laptop, and a work uniform that was deducted from her paycheck.
20:29That doesn't seem fair, Mommy.
20:31Now you're getting it.
20:33Is Barbie sad?
20:35No, honey. She's numb.
20:37Look, Mommy, she's just like you.
20:39I'm so tired, I can't do this anymore.
20:42Yeah! Just like Mommy.
20:45Also announcing freeloading boyfriend Ken.
20:48Boyfriend, I thought we said no labels.
20:51Look, Mom, I'm settling.
20:54Expectations managed. Thanks, Gig Economy.
20:57Crap. Crap, I'm late for work.
21:01Okay. You're good, right, honey?
21:02You're fine. You're good.
21:04Get Gig Economy Barbie now before AI makes her unemployable Barbie.
21:12That's the way we saw the world this week.
21:14Still Standing is next, so stick around.
21:16Good night.
21:17Good night!
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