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00:00Tonight on 22 Minutes, we get a story from the Donald.
00:03The trade war goes bottoms up.
00:05We meet the future of meat.
00:07And Canada's in the market for some new jets.
00:1022 Minutes starts now.
00:12Welcome to the show!
00:31This week, J.D. Vance got an itchy Twitter finger, and he took aim at Canada.
00:36And with all due respect to my Canadian friends, whose politics focus obsessively on the United
00:41States, your stagnating living standards have nothing to do with Donald Trump or whatever
00:47boogeyman the CBC tells you to blame.
00:49The fault lies with your leadership elected by you.
00:54With all due respect, which is none, your president is affecting our living standards.
00:59At this point, we'd prefer the boogeyman.
01:01At least he's not in the Epstein files.
01:05Meanwhile, Pete Hoekstra, American ambassador to Canada and former Sam from Guestful,
01:11who was also running his mouth about Canada.
01:15People will say, Pete, you just don't understand why we're so mad about the 51st state.
01:20It's kind of like, yeah, you're right, I don't.
01:24And that's what you want to hear from an ambassador.
01:26I don't understand you people!
01:30The ambassador also did some diplomatic rage baiting about the trade war and Doug Ford's
01:34tariff ad.
01:35You know, they were talking about $54 million of ads.
01:40American dollars.
01:41So real money.
01:42Just a joke, just a joke, okay, lighten up.
01:49Does diplomatic immunity cover you from getting your Muppet ass kicked, Dr. Honeydew?
01:54I mean, sure, our money's worth a little bit less, but at least it can handle a spin cycle.
02:05Bookstra also said Ford's ad could have affected the U.S. election.
02:08Hey, we're sorry.
02:10We thought you'd like a taste of your own meddling.
02:12Those weren't even the nastiest things American officials said this week.
02:17They got trumped.
02:18There's growing controversy today over the president's treatment of a reporter aboard Air Force
02:23One.
02:25Quiet.
02:26Quiet.
02:27Guys, relax.
02:28He's allowed to use that word.
02:30He's a pig himself.
02:32It was a new low even for Trump, but Caroline Leavitt masterfully swept it under an already
02:38bulging rug.
02:39Look, the president is very frank and honest with everyone in this room.
02:44You've all seen it yourself.
02:46You've all experienced it yourselves.
02:48And I think it's one of the many reasons that the American people reelected this president.
02:53Because of his frankness.
02:54Then, in the spirit of frankness and honesty, we have two words for you all.
02:58Quiet, piggies!
02:59Shut your hog mouth!
03:00Dip it!
03:01Everyone knows I love kids like Don Jr. and one of the girls, so I wrote a book about
03:15the lying liars who write about me.
03:17Here it is.
03:18Quiet, piggie!
03:19Just like I yelled on the plane, quite frankly.
03:22Let's begin.
03:24These swine called reporters, they drive me insane.
03:28Who let these farm animals onto my plane?
03:32They ask about Epstein, I say, it's no biggie.
03:35Then they press me again and I say, quiet, piggie!
03:39That's the book title, kids.
03:41Try and keep up.
03:42Then they look at my hair and they say, it's a wig.
03:45And it's as real as my tan.
03:47Once again, shut up, pig!
03:49Quiet, piggie!
03:50Shut up, pig!
03:51It's the same thing, quite frankly.
03:53Let me drink my Diet Coke.
03:55Watch me take a big swiggy while I think about how I can pardon P. Diddy.
04:00He got a bum rap and we're doing everything we can.
04:03We're talking to some very good people.
04:05So get off my plane, make your way to the crates.
04:08I've got things to acquire like the 51st state.
04:11Or maybe just Alberta.
04:13It's the one with the oil.
04:14It's the only one you want to be French.
04:16Shut up, pig!
04:18Why don't you try it?
04:20Quiet, piggie!
04:21Piggy, be quiet.
04:23Any questions?
04:25Go ahead.
04:26This book sucks.
04:28Silence, hog!
04:30Quiet Piggy, the new book by President Donald Trump.
04:34For kids?
04:36Shut up, you pigs.
04:37You're all pigs.
04:38Quite frankly, you're a pig, you're a pig, you're a big piggy.
04:40You're the piggiest.
04:41You're all pigs.
04:46The Kearney government has committed to billions in new defense spending,
04:49which includes replacing our fleet of aging fighter jets.
04:52In 2023, Ottawa agreed to purchase 88 American F-35s, but the government is reviewing the deal in light of recent developments.
05:00Oh, why did someone happen?
05:04Luckily, we've got other options.
05:06A delegation from Sweden was in Ottawa last week to pitch a Swedish fighter jet that could be manufactured entirely in Canada.
05:12They're so serious, they even brought the Swedish king to really Sweden the deal.
05:18Yes, that's their actual king and not a frostbitten glacier sprite.
05:24And let's just say His Majesty is a real Swede talker.
05:28Hello, I am Carl the Sixteenth Gustaf, the king of Sweden.
05:35Yeah, we can do kings too, you know.
05:37And I am so happy to sell you an exciting new product, Swedish fighter jets.
05:44You think we only did meatballs and furniture for college students?
05:49Well, now we have a third thing.
05:52Playin'.
05:53And you Canadians can build it your very own selves.
05:57Playin' comes in 3,000 cardboard boxes.
06:00It is made of 40,000 little pieces that all look exactly the same.
06:07Where do I start?
06:09Ah, what you are looking for is this.
06:12For little screws.
06:14If you do not have one, then you are the one who is screwed.
06:17Can I borrow yours?
06:18No!
06:19This is the royal allen key, passed down to me from my fur fathers.
06:24Sorry.
06:25Putting together wonderful Swedish product will take between one hour and nine years.
06:31And the splinters will be in your bloodstream until you die.
06:35When it is finished, playin' will serve as both weapon of war
06:39and charming conversation piece for living or dining room.
06:43Are you ill, Miss Doon?
06:44No.
06:45Look, I'm mainly just here for the meatballs.
06:47Do you have any of those?
06:49That is an offensive Swedish stereotype.
06:53Here, let me do it.
06:57Mamma mia, here I go again.
07:00Fighter Jets from Sweden, because we know how broke you guys are.
07:03Wait, Peg J goes in hole 97?
07:07Honestly, what the hell?
07:12A new federal rule in the U.S. will require car companies to use accurate female crash test dummies for the first time.
07:19They sit in the passenger seat and say,
07:21Dale, slow down, you're gonna crash!
07:26Last week, Woody the talking Christmas tree returned to Dartmouth, Nova Scotia, ready for the Christmas season.
07:33And after wildfire season, he's looking a little different.
07:37This week, the maker of sourpuss announced a deal to move some production to Canada.
07:43A huge trade war win and great news for our test tube shooter industry.
07:48Hey Canada, Minister of Trade and overall good time, Dominic LeBlanc here.
07:54The trade war is devastating Canadian industry, but we are fighting back and I am proud to announce that sourpuss is moving its factory to Canada.
08:07Uh, what?
08:09That's that nasty stuff I drank underage.
08:11Exactly, sourpuss is an iconic brand.
08:14And it is going to be made right here in Canada.
08:18How is that already so sticky?
08:21What about the auto industry?
08:22Yeah, what about the steel industry?
08:24What about green initiatives?
08:25Ah, looks pretty green to me.
08:28This doesn't seem like a strong economic plan for the future.
08:30Hey, we are fighting for the future.
08:33This is for the youth of this country so they can have something to drink in a ravine.
08:38And now, the CEO.
08:41I am so proud of this factory.
08:47It's cute.
08:48And you know something else?
08:49Sourpuss is good at any temperature.
08:52She's drunk.
08:54It's a healthy buzz.
08:56Oh, she's way too drunk to be handling scissors that big.
08:59I got it. I got it.
09:02Woo!
09:05Hey Canada, have you seen my purse?
09:09Isn't she great? Isn't she fun?
09:11Canada will be a powerhouse in flavored liqueurs.
09:16We're already in negotiations with Blue Carousel.
09:19And when people see Neon Vomit, they will think Canada.
09:24Woo!
09:26So after almost a year of negotiations, this is all you have to show for it?
09:29Uh...
09:31Blue Light special time! Two for one shooters!
09:33Okay, no, you can't distract us because I...
09:37Wait, are those jello shots?
09:38Yeah.
09:39Oh, I can drink like 10 of those!
09:41Or eat? What do you call it?
09:43Get up here, party girls!
09:45I'll get one of those.
09:47What vintage is this?
09:49April?
09:50I hear that's a good month.
09:51Down the hatch!
09:53It's crazy your dad won't let you do your dream.
09:56God, that's awful.
09:57Yeah, it's really just for teens.
10:03On the weekend, the Prime Minister was asked when he last spoke to President Trump,
10:06and he had a considered response.
10:09When was the last time you spoke to the President?
10:11Uh, who cares?
10:12I mean, it's a detail.
10:14It's a detail.
10:15I spoke to him, I'll speak to him again when it matters.
10:17Yeah, who cares, other than the softwood lumber industry,
10:20auto industry, film industry, steel industry,
10:22dairy industry, tourism industry.
10:24I mean, but by all means, leave him on red!
10:38This week at the COP30 UN Climate Conference,
10:41activists awarded Canada the Fossil of the Day Award.
10:45Danielle Smith responded,
10:47Fossil? Dibs on that when it turns into oil.
10:50The satirical award recognized Canada's backsliding on climate
10:53policy, but our new environment minister assures us we're on the right track.
10:58Is it still the government's plan to cut emissions by 40 to 45 percent?
11:02Look, when we set the targets for 2030, we always knew they were ambitious,
11:06and that was the whole point.
11:08Canadians wanted us to be ambitious, and so is it hard to do?
11:13Yes.
11:14Ah, yeah, it's like the old expression.
11:16When the going gets tough, the tough goes, that's too tough!
11:19The Prime Minister does have at least one environmentalist in his corner.
11:24The Green Party's Elizabeth May, who voted for Carney's budget after being promised the PM still cares about the climate.
11:31Has the Prime Minister committed what he said in there privately to you?
11:35Has he said that before?
11:37Person to person, no, but through channels, yes.
11:40Elizabeth May, you sweet, naive fool.
11:45I hope her faith is justified because she understands the road we're on, the Fury Road.
11:51I do not want my grandchildren growing up in a dystopian fiction of Mad Max.
11:57I don't know about your grandkids, but I think you'd thrive in the Mad Max world.
12:01So, on behalf of Canada, we're accepting the Fossil of the Day Award.
12:06Sorry, there's so many people to thank.
12:10Imperial Oil.
12:12Irving.
12:14Suncor.
12:15Synovus.
12:17Husky.
12:18Enbridge.
12:19Wait, wait, wait, no, there's so many more! Don't play me off!
12:21I haven't even gotten to the mining companies yet!
12:24My kids love a burger, but these days, meat is so damn expensive, and now, I don't even know what's in it.
12:34Meat from cloned animals will soon be hitting grocery store shelves, and new Health Canada regulations will not require meat producers to label whether the beef or pork is coming from a cloned animal.
12:46The idea of eating cloned meat used to scare me, but at these prices, what choice do I have?
12:52I want what's best for my kids, but I also want what's cheapest for me.
12:58I don't know what's in this stuff.
13:00All I know is, these things are reproducing like rabbits.
13:05Honey, please, no more burgers!
13:08I stopped making burgers, the burgers are making themselves!
13:11Daddy, I'm too full!
13:14The burgers are having baby burgers in my baby's belly!
13:17Who wants more burgers?
13:18We can't live like this!
13:19You said you wanted cheaper food!
13:22Health Canada, we put the hell in health!
13:28An AI-enabled teddy bear has been suspended from shelves after it gave sex advice, which is insane. Like, what was the advice? Like, what did he say? Like...
13:40Was it?
13:41The Liberals passed their budget last week, and as usual, the House of Commons was as dignified as you might expect.
13:49Order! I'll remind honorable members they are not to take pictures in the chamber.
13:53Thank you!
13:54Order!
13:55I will ask the honorable members who have taken pictures to immediately delete the pictures now.
13:59Now!
14:00Who knew the House of Commons had the same rules as a Bruno Mars concert?
14:06Conservative House leader Andrew Scheer has said that he would take defeating the budget seriously.
14:12The federal budget is just around the corner, and you're about to find out how much all this spending is going to cost you.
14:22Now, I know we're discussing some dry and technical terms, so throughout this video, I'll be showing you some amazing videos just to make it all worthwhile.
14:30But sadly for Scheer, the budget passed. Just barely. Just 170 to 168. Nobody wanted an election, so the vote was a political game of chicken.
14:40Two NDP MPs abstained, and two Conservative MPs abstained. And Scheer, he almost missed the vote entirely.
14:47The honorable, uh, uh, opposition, uh, official opposition House leader, um, has a point of...
14:53Yes, Mr. Scheer, I had technical difficulty. I would like to vote no.
14:56Scheer waited to vote at the last minute because he was afraid that voting against a budget would trigger an election.
15:05Do we really believe the House leader and the caucus chair needed to vote remotely when they were physically in the House of Commons?
15:13No, no, we don't believe them.
15:16Because this appears to be a picture of them hiding behind the curtains until they knew it was safe to vote.
15:21You're not allowed to enter or leave the House once a vote has started, so these two clowns were hiding behind curtains like Shaggy in a haunted house.
15:30Even former Conservative MP Lisa Raitt wasn't falling for it.
15:34They both had problems in their apps, which is interesting because they were both in the House as well.
15:39So one could possibly surmise that maybe they were waiting to see which way the vote was gonna go themselves before they decided if they were going to abstain or if they were going to vote against it.
15:50It seems Scheer's boss, Pierre Polyev, is a lot like the Wizard of Oz.
15:54Oh! Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!
16:00Unfortunately for Andrew, it seems some curtains are so sheer you can see right through them.
16:19Pickle Fest is officially set to reopen in Edmonton in the fall of 2026, and they were only able to open the first time because I loosened it!
16:28A man named J.D. Vance has been given two years in prison for threatening to kill Vice President J.D. Vance.
16:37Even crazier, during sentencing the judge still referred to him as the good J.D. Vance.
16:45Attention Rogers customers, we want to assure you that our customer service is still terrible and that everything will take way longer than necessary.
16:54Yes! Yes! That's so inconvenient! I love it!
16:58Can I help you, sir?
16:59God, I hope not. I've heard Rogers is awful!
17:04Now sign me up. I want to leave here wishing there was a better option, but knowing in my heart there's not.
17:11Right. Now we can get you set up with a new plan?
17:14Yes! Lock me into a plan! Chain me to a contract!
17:17Our most popular plan is unlimited talk and text for $65.
17:22Oh, you're lying to my face right now! I love that!
17:25Tell me it's only $65, but when I get my bill it's well over $100.
17:30Yes! Hit me with hidden fees. Bury them so deep I'll never even find them.
17:36And, uh, did you want our international package?
17:38No. When I travel I want to be punished by roaming fees.
17:44I should tell you there is an $80 setup fee.
17:47$80 setup fee? What even is that?
17:51Take my money and then spend it on a baseball player or something.
17:55I never do this, but I'm gonna speed up this process.
17:58What? No, slow, slow.
18:00What color phone did you want?
18:02Mist blue.
18:03We only have white.
18:04Oh, not even my second choice.
18:06Oh, white's gonna show the dirt so much.
18:09I love that. Oh, okay.
18:11Oh, thank you. Do you mind holding this?
18:13Yeah, I just want to check this out.
18:15Wow, this is awful.
18:16Did you want device protection?
18:17No, no. No protection.
18:20When this breaks, and it will, I want to do this process all over again.
18:26Okay, well, looks like you're all set up.
18:29Good. Now cancel it immediately.
18:31No, you've got to call in to do that.
18:33Yes! Make me call in, even though you're standing right here in front of me.
18:37What's this store even for, so stupid?
18:40I want you to watch.
18:43Yes! Describe your large call volume.
18:46I don't think that needs a punchline.
18:47I don't think that needs a punchline.
18:52Lululemon unveiled its new Team Canada designs for the upcoming Winter Olympics in Italy.
18:59Cool. Here's what I'll be wearing.
19:00This week, mega Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene, known for her anti-vaccine, anti-trans views, resigned from the House of Representatives in this heartfelt message.
19:14Hey, y'all. It's me, Marjorie Taylor Greene. I just want to let y'all know that I'm resigning. Congress has become a toxic cesspool of paranoia and hatred. And for that, you're welcome.
19:28But this has nothing to do with Trump blowing me off like I'm Bill Clinton.
19:31Look it up, y'all. It's cause I've changed. So forget everything you know about me. Like how I said school shootings weren't real or how the feds control the weather.
19:41I used to believe in Jewish space lasers. But that was days ago. I don't think the lasers are Jewish anymore. They're regular. And I'm pretending to try new things. Like the other day, I let a gay couple of days go out.
20:02It took four straight men to hold me down. But we got through it. Ain't the world cray-cray. One day you think one thing and then the next day you think a brand new thing. One day you're the most hated woman in Congress. And the next, you're the most hated woman on The View. Move over, Joy.
20:18So, to recap, space lasers aren't Jewish. I'm resigning. And Fortnite causes super raids. Whoops. Sorry, that's old Marge. Get out of my head, me.
20:31So, don't feel bad for me. I'm gonna spend more time with my family. So, feel bad for them. God bless America. And y'all, look up that Bill Clinton thing. It's crazy.
20:44That's the way we saw the world this week. On behalf of everyone here, we wish you and yours a very merry Black Friday.
20:51And a happy Cyber Monday, guys.
20:52And a happy Cyber Monday, guys.
20:53So, don't feel bad for me. I'm gonna spend more time with my family. So, feel bad for them.
20:58God bless America. And y'all, look up that Bill Clinton thing. It's crazy.
21:05That's the way we saw the world this week. On behalf of everyone here, we wish you and yours a very merry Black Friday.
21:11And a happy Cyber Monday. Good night.
21:14Good night.
21:15Good night.
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