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Mooch Goes to Hollywood (aka Mooch) is a 1971 television film directed by Richard Erdman and co-written by Jim Backus, who also stars in the film as himself. The film chronicles the adventures of Mooch, an ambitious dog, and her attempts to become a canine star after arriving in Hollywood by train and befriending Zsa Zsa Gabor. She comes to realize the best way to become a star, is to hang out with the stars. With the likes of Vincent Price, James Darren, Jill St. John, Phyllis Diller, Sam Jaffe, Rose Marie, Dick Martin, Darren McGavin, Edward G. Robinson, Cesar Romero, Dean Martin (voice only) and Mickey Rooney.

Mooch is known as Higgins the Dog who starred as Benji and Dog in the hit series Petticoat Junction. The animals that appeared in Mooch Goes to Hollywood were supplied and trained by Frank Inn. The bevy of animals at the veterinarian included a monkey, goat, cat, donkey and duck. Mooch's various costumes came from Frederick's of Hollywood. The title song, with lyrics by Ann Nicolaysen was sung by Sonny Curtis.

Credits:
Higgins the Dog as Mooch
Vincent Price as himself
James Darren as himself
Jill St. John as herself
Jim Backus as himself
James Harding as Veterinarian Dr. Hackett
Kim Hamilton as Nurse
Gino Conforti as Hairdresser Mr. Oz
Jerry Hausner as Producer
Bert Holland as Attendant
Grace Albertson as Lady with Cat
Jay Jostyn as man with Duck
Lynne Lipton as voice of Mooch
Zsa Zsa Gabor as narrator
Transcript
00:00Hollywood, maker of make-believe, land of broken promises, lotus land, cinderella city, tinsel town.
00:14Hollywood, Hollywood weaver of fantasies, the dream factory hub of the entertainment universe.
00:19Hollywood that lures young hopefuls from town and village, factory and farm, all seeking the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
00:34For some, the dream is realized. For others, their hopes and aspirations are shattered on the shoals of despair.
00:43But still, they come. Behold them, dewy-eyed, innocent, vulnerable. A flood of femininity, a deluge of daintiness.
00:55Will they soar to stardom, find a permanent niche in the Hollywood heaven?
01:00Or like the moth and the flame, plunge like a meteor into the abyss of oblivion?
01:07What does fate hold in store for them? What is their destiny?
01:14Let us seek the answer through the eyes of one of these young hopefuls as we follow her quest of the impossible dream.
01:25A young hopeful, like Mooch.
01:37Mooch is here. Watch out, Hollywood, la-da-dee. Mooch has come here to stay. This town won't be the same again.
02:01Others may never quite succeed. Mooch will stay. She's a whole different breed. Best of class, no pedigree. Mooch has a dream.
02:23Dreaming of stardom. To make it big in Hollywood. A facelift, too, before she's true. Mooch is here. Mooch is here.
02:48Mooch, darling, this is Zsa Zsa. I can see her new in this city.
02:52So let me give you some advice.
02:55If you want to make a career for yourself in Hollywood, I will tell you what not to do, what to do, and when to do it.
03:05This is no good for you. Keep your fur on Mooch.
03:09Ask Mickey. He'll tell you, no newts is good newts.
03:16And now you have come to what is really class.
03:19Look down at the famous names, written here in cement. They will last forever.
03:28In the old days, they had the great premieres.
03:32It was exciting. All the stars getting out of their limousines, walking on the red carpet to the microphone.
03:38It's a marvellous picture. Simply marvellous.
03:48Now wait a minute. It's a marvellous picture.
03:57Mooch, that is a good luck statue.
03:59Why don't you make a wish?
04:11Oh, I know this producer. He is holding a story conference.
04:15I'll tell you how to make it in Hollywood, baby.
04:20Talent has, like, nothing to do with it, you know?
04:24Acting don't even matter.
04:26It's who you know in this town.
04:28And it's who you're seeing with the town.
04:30Who you're seeing with the town.
04:32Don't take her advice.
04:33It's not who you are seeing with.
04:35It's who you are marrying.
04:37That's what counts.
04:45To make a career, darling, you must go where the producers, directors and the moneymen are.
04:50Like there.
05:05Good girl.
05:07What?
05:08You're wasting your time.
05:09Get into the Brown Derby.
05:12Don't be discouraged.
05:13Try the back door.
05:16You do like the script, right?
05:17Yes.
05:18As I told you, I like everything about the script except the end.
05:20I'm sorry.
05:21I'm sorry.
05:22I'm sorry.
05:23I'm sorry.
05:24I'm sorry.
05:25I'm sorry.
05:26I'm sorry.
05:27I'm sorry.
05:28I'm sorry.
05:29I'm sorry.
05:30I'm sorry.
05:31I'm sorry.
05:32I'm sorry.
05:33I'm sorry.
05:34I'm sorry.
05:35I'm sorry.
05:36I'm sorry.
05:37I told you, I like everything about the script except the end.
05:38But the boys were fixed in there.
05:40Look, look, darling.
05:41There is someone to be seen with.
05:42It's Vincent Pryce.
05:43It's really Vincent Pryce.
05:46Alleluia!
05:49Alleluia!
05:50Alleluia!
05:52Alleluia!
05:53Alleluia!
05:54Alleluia!
05:55Alleluia!
05:56Alleluia!
05:57Alleluia!
05:58Alleluia!
06:00Alleluia!
06:01That's I told you, I like the script except the end.
06:02Quick! Be charming. Tempt him. Tease him.
06:10You know they can't wait. Why should they wait when you know what I have to do?
06:13No, I can't be reasonable.
06:15Hunt him. Try tantalizing.
06:20Arthur does all my talking for me, Sam.
06:24Be sexy. Fabulous.
06:32You know, we got a whole crew standing by.
06:37Thanks for lunch.
06:39I'll call you tonight, mister.
06:42Hey, Armel. Thank you.
06:49Kiss his ear.
06:52See, darling, it always works.
06:55Now that we've been formally introduced, Shaggy, you might as well sit up front with me.
07:02Congratulations. You've made it.
07:06Oh, I'm afraid he's broke. Look at his car. Poor Vince.
07:11Mooch is here, proud and all aglow.
07:21Wondering where, where, oh, where will they go?
07:27Hey, town.
07:28Hey, town. You've opened up your door.
07:36Going to a movie studio. Going to play that Hollywood game.
07:46Well, nooche has a dream.
07:48Nooch has a dream.
07:49She'll even have her own analyst.
07:50Mooch has a dream.
07:52She's on her way now.
07:55You better watch out, Hollywood.
08:05When Mooch rides by The Boy Dog's side.
08:07Mooch is here.
08:09Nooch is here
08:13Nooch is here
08:17Nooch is here
08:22Beware Pet Clinic
08:24Oh, this is marvelous
08:27He's starting to invest money in you already
08:32Let's face it
08:33Every girl needs a little fixing up before she becomes a star
08:36And darling, you need your teeth capped desperately
08:40Hello, I'm Mr. Price
08:55This is Shaggy
08:56Is Dr. Hackett free?
08:59Yes, Mr. Price
09:00If you will just be seated, I'll tell him you're here
09:03Thank you
09:06I'm Mr. Price
09:36Hello, coady
09:45I'm Mr. Price
09:50Meow!
09:52Meow!
09:54Meow!
09:56Meow!
10:20Meow!
10:30Nice. The doctor will see you now.
10:32Oh, thank you. Thank you.
10:46Doctor, Mr. Price is here.
10:48I'll be right with you, Mr. Price.
10:50Yes, look at this. Just as I suspected.
10:52A canary has an ulcer.
10:54And what's the problem here?
10:56Well, Doctor, I was having lunch at the Derby,
10:58and she went, somehow or other, this kooky little mutt.
11:02Nurse, prepare the patient for examination.
11:04You know, I don't know how, but, well, she got into the car,
11:08and in a second or so, she was sitting right in the front seat next to me.
11:12Name the patient, please.
11:14Well, I call her Shaggy.
11:16Next of kin?
11:18Well, I guess it's me.
11:20You got papers on this dog?
11:22Oh, no. No, as I said, I was just leaving the Derby when she turned up.
11:26This could get you in a lot of trouble.
11:28Trouble? But she's just a nameless little mutt.
11:32Look, Doctor, the reason I brought her here is that, well, I have a kid who's writing me a lot of fan letters, and he is just dying to have a dog.
11:42I was reading in the medical journal about a case similar to this.
11:44A man picked up a dog who was an alien, in the country illegally.
11:48A man, who, like, found a dog who was a man got a dog.
11:50A man was a dog that was inside my deal with me.
11:51A woman's heart called to take a dog, so a man found a dog.
11:53And in an election he took his house away.
11:54Is that how the canary got an ulcer?
11:55Huh?
11:56Well, look, Doctor, all I want you to do is just examine her
12:00and make sure that she's all right.
12:02And I'll send the boy around to pick her up in the morning.
12:04Oh, it's all right, honey, it's all right!
12:07You're going to have a good home.
12:10Look, I'll come and visit you now.
12:11How is that?
12:12Oh, now take it easy, sweetheart.
12:15Take it easy.
12:16I love you, but I can't keep you.
12:19Now, you be a good girl, and I'll come see you real soon.
12:24Bye-bye, sweetheart.
12:30Nurse, give me a hand, dear.
12:37Well, that's a man for you, darling.
12:49One moment of promises, ecstasy, then thrown away like a broken toy.
13:07Don't be sad.
13:14I stay with you.
13:32Oh, oh, oh.
13:37Darling, remember, it's who you are singing with that can't.
13:49Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
14:07That was her fang.
14:26Everybody loves somebody sometimes.
14:30Why don't you take your little fur coat off and come on in?
14:33Look, it's the famous Playboy Club.
14:39I can tell you a lot of young girls have been discovered here,
14:42even for pictures.
14:48Oh, that's a bunny.
14:49Go in, go in, Mooch.
15:04What have you got to lose?
15:15Oh, poor baby.
15:17It always helps to change your type when you have been rejected.
15:26It's good for the morale.
15:44Darling, stay rejected.
15:45Whatever you have in mind, I must tell you the terrible news.
16:00There are very few parts for a four-legged strippers.
16:03Keep it on.
16:24Keep it on.
16:25Oh, now we are getting lucky again.
16:42There's a handsome one for you.
16:44It's James Darren.
16:46It's really James Darren.
16:48I think I know what type he falls for.
17:12Nothing sexy.
17:13Be sweet.
17:15Demure.
17:16Look what happened to Grace Kelly.
17:18She got herself a prince.
17:26More like Grace.
17:28Better go back to be sexy.
17:49You must get his attention.
17:51Clever, Mooch.
18:09I couldn't have thought of it myself.
18:11Hey, what happened to you?
18:12Oh, you weren't hit.
18:18You're just scared.
18:19That's all.
18:21That's a good girl.
18:22Hey, does this dog belong to anybody here?
18:30No tags.
18:31Looks like you don't belong to anybody, do you?
18:32Let's see if you can stand up.
18:39You want to try that?
18:40Come on, sweetheart.
18:42That's a good girl.
18:44You know what, Sunshine?
18:47I was just about to head for the beach.
18:49You feel like going for a ride?
19:02Wonderful.
19:12Compromise him.
19:14He'll never get out of there.
19:32Hey, would you wait here a couple of seconds?
19:50Hey, would you guys keep an eye on his dog for me?
19:53You be a good girl here.
19:54I'll be right back.
20:02He'll be back.
20:06Make yourself beautiful.
20:07Get a nice tan.
20:08I'll be right back.
20:38I'll be right back.
21:08You see, blondes have all the fun.
21:14Not always.
21:19Don't walk like a schlump, honey.
21:21There's producers all along this beach.
21:24Three girls have been discovered here already this summer.
21:30Here is an opportunity.
21:32Go with them.
21:33Wiggle like they are wiggling.
21:39Do you pose, too?
21:59Follow them.
22:11Follow them.
22:13song because they are wiggling.
22:15If they want me to go.
22:16政府 only is getting this love.
22:17I love you, bastard.
22:18Go with there you–
22:18Every woman does the desert.
22:19Go with them.
22:20They have to go with you.
22:21Be right back.
22:22We baking.
22:22If they have to go with you,
22:23marry me make us down in the lake.
22:23I shall show you Datню.
22:24I know you love it.
22:24Po Michael.
22:24I will fight me, I do that for the s Division in here today.
22:26I'll be right back.
22:26Know you know we're walking.
22:28You wouldn't want to make it in Hollywood like that anyway.
22:50What goes on here?
22:58Oh, I bet he doesn't have enough money to buy your hot dog.
23:08You're wasting your time.
23:14Your bed-off is a skinny producer.
23:23Oh, darling, you're hopeless.
23:28Oh, my God.
23:58Oh, my God.
24:28You're Chiffon.
24:41Hey, Sunshine, did you miss me?
24:47Gone Hollywood already, huh?
24:49Hey, if you take those off, we'll go for a little walk along the beach.
24:53Come on.
24:58Now, don't panic.
25:20I know you were here once before, but that's our little secret.
25:24Don't fight it.
25:25Be casual.
25:26When you're in the waiting room, flirt, flirt.
25:31Be nice to nurses.
25:33And if the doctor says he knows you, give him a cold nose.
25:37Hi, I'm Mr. Darren.
25:51Is Dr. Hackett in?
25:52Oh, yes, Mr. Darren.
25:54If you'll please be seated, I'll tell the doctor you're here.
25:58I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
26:28I hate my gloves.
26:58I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
27:28I hate my gloves.
27:58I hate my gloves.
28:28You must be very proud.
28:30Mr. Darren, Dr. Hackett will see you.
28:43You say the temperature's normal?
28:56Good, good.
28:58Now, she said I have no solids, plenty of liquids.
29:01That's very important.
29:02And rest, lots of rest.
29:05I guarantee if you do that, she'll be back on her perch singing better than ever.
29:12Dr. Hackett, Mr. Darren.
29:14Oh, yes.
29:15Hi, Doc.
29:15What's the problem here?
29:17I found this dog this morning while I was down at the garage, and she's just kind of attached to her.
29:21Nurse, prepare the patient for examination.
29:24She's a great dog.
29:25You know, I took her down to the beach, and we spent the whole day together.
29:28Name of patient, please.
29:29Oh, um, Sunshine.
29:32Next of kin?
29:34Well, I, uh, I guess me.
29:35I've seen this dog someplace before.
29:38I'll never forget a muzzle.
29:41Dog I'm referring to was brought in yesterday.
29:45Very sullen beast.
29:47Morose, neurotic.
29:48Oh, no, that couldn't be Sunshine.
29:49She's one of the happiest dogs I've ever seen.
29:51She looks pretty familiar to me.
29:54Of course, I wouldn't testify to it under oath.
29:57I remember a classmate made that mistake.
29:59Very famous case involving two St. Bernards.
30:02Even the casks were identical.
30:04Picked the wrong one, ended his career, took to drink.
30:07Horrible.
30:09Yeah.
30:10Well, uh, look, I was wondering, Doc, could I leave the dog here for a couple of weeks?
30:14You do take boarders, don't you?
30:16No, yes, yes.
30:17We have excellent facilities.
30:18Round-the-clock care.
30:20Nurse, send for the attendant.
30:22Yes, sir.
30:23Hey, hey, sweetheart, don't take it so hard.
30:25Listen, hey, I'll be back in a couple of weeks.
30:32Uh, attendant, uh, take this patient to wing five, please.
30:40Yes, sir.
30:41And you be a good girl, you hear?
30:42And I'll be back to get you just as soon as I'm through with the picture.
30:45All right?
30:46Yes, of course.
30:47All right.
30:47Here you go.
30:51Take care, Doc.
30:52Thank you very much.
30:53Yeah, it's a pleasure.
30:54Bye-bye.
30:54Bye-bye.
30:54Bye-bye.
30:56Oh, Mooch, I had no idea he would leave you here.
31:23This is terrible.
31:25It's like the last mile.
31:27It's like the last mile.
31:55Mean old man.
32:04Mean old man.
32:05Oh, my God.
32:35Don't give up, Mooch.
32:41Keep on trying.
33:05You're doing it.
33:18You did it.
33:20The world is yours.
33:34The world really will be yours, darling, if you can just get into that studio.
33:38That's it.
33:54This is where you really belong.
34:08The world is yours.
34:38You're here.
34:56Underneath a lamppost by the village square.
34:59Guess who's coming to dinner
35:29SIREN SIREN SIREN
36:59She went that-a-way.
37:21Mooch, go in there.
37:23This is Jill St. John's dressing room.
37:33And that's really Jill St. John's.
37:35Alleluia!
37:39Alleluia!
37:41Alleluia!
37:43Alleluia!
37:45Alleluia!
37:47Alleluia!
37:48Alleluia!
37:49Alleluia!
37:50Alleluia!
37:51Alleluia!
37:52Alleluia!
37:53Alleluia!
37:54Alleluia!
37:55Alleluia!
37:56Alleluia!
37:57If she advises you, listen.
38:03But remember, she's also a woman, and you are a competition.
38:10Hey, little dog, what are you doing in here?
38:12Come on, out.
38:13Come on.
38:13Don't send her away.
38:15Now, you stay right where you are, princess.
38:18You know, Mr. Albert, you mustn't be too hasty about these things.
38:20She could be a contract player.
38:22They're always discovering new talent, you know.
38:25Are you talented, darling?
38:27Well, she is.
38:36What did I tell you?
38:37She's probably even got her own series.
38:39Really?
38:40I'll only be a few minutes, darling, and then you can have the chair.
38:44Really?
38:45I don't think it's presumptuous of me, darling,
38:48but I think since you're new to the business, I should give you a little advice.
38:52Let's see your profile.
38:55Other side.
38:57That's it.
38:59That is your good side.
39:01Remind the cameraman.
39:03And be sure to tell him no close-ups after 4 o'clock.
39:06Really?
39:07Really?
39:09Oh, and the eyes.
39:11The eyes mirror the emotions.
39:15Now, I know you have great inner depth, but the audience doesn't.
39:19Now, I suggest shading the lids with blue liner.
39:25Right, Mr. Albert?
39:26Oh, really?
39:28Miss St. John, ready on the set.
39:30You're coming.
39:32You'll have to excuse me, princess.
39:33I'm due back on the set.
39:35But we'll continue this fascinating conversation some other time.
39:40Dinner, cocktails, call me.
39:42Oh, and good luck with your series, dear.
39:54Oh, really?
39:56They come and they go.
40:01Could use a shampoo.
40:02You're beautiful, if I do say so myself.
40:16Diamond smooch, at last.
40:27Now, you look like a star.
40:29Have a drink, my dear?
40:53Yes, it's Jim Bacchus.
40:55By George, it's Jim Bacchus.
41:26Oh, these shine boards are a blight on the landscape.
41:34Welcome to San Clemente.
41:37A New Year's Eve party.
41:39Get out the paper hats.
41:40Champagne, my dear.
41:42I even like the corks.
41:44Pow!
41:46Wow!
41:49Well, hello there, my dear.
41:52Oh, you're a beautiful little girl.
41:55You're all gussied up, too.
41:57Hey, whose dog is this?
41:59Anybody own this dog?
42:01Oh, you just wandered in. Is that it?
42:05Hey, I'm doing a guest shot.
42:07And we need a dog that looks just like you.
42:09Would you like to be on television, honey, huh?
42:12Would you?
42:13Well, now, you're in show business.
42:16The star might break a leg.
42:19We'll dance our way into their hearts.
42:26You made it big.
42:31You're big in Hollywood.
42:34You're a star.
42:36All that hustle paid off.
42:40You're number one.
42:42You're top dog now.
42:43Get it on, Mooch.
42:49Clap it on up now.
42:53And you can hear your public say
42:57It was your style
43:00That drove them wild
43:03Mooch is here
43:06Darling, you made it.
43:08It's fantastic.
43:10In such a short time,
43:11look at the career you made.
43:14Oh,
43:15the Bever Clinic.
43:16Dolly,
43:46People are all here.
43:48Oh,
43:49where did you get this haunted mom?
43:51This is Mrs. Magoo.
43:52Mrs. Magoo?
43:53Oh, she's darling.
43:55You know the TV special
43:56I'm doing with the DOG?
43:57I want to show her to the producer.
43:59Great idea.
44:00You know,
44:00the casting office is right inside.
44:02And as for you,
44:03I get 10% of the bone.
44:05Gotta go.
44:05Yeah.
44:06Is Jeremy in there?
44:06Yeah.
44:07Is it?
44:12Well, Davey,
44:14here he is.
44:14Penny!
44:16Well, Jim,
44:18at this party,
44:18you're really putting on the DOG.
44:20Oh, Davey,
44:21you can do better than that.
44:22See,
44:22I told you they were all here.
44:24Oh,
44:25you finally got in here,
44:25huh?
44:26Yes,
44:27but not alone.
44:30She's adorable.
44:31So are you,
44:32Kathy.
44:32Oh,
44:33Jim.
44:34Say,
44:34say,
44:34hello,
44:34hello.
44:34I want you to say hello to Mrs. Magoo.
44:36Encantado,
44:37preciosa,
44:37encantado.
44:38Hey,
44:38Rosie,
44:39how are you?
44:40Meet Mrs. Magoo.
44:42Then here,
44:42have a potato chip.
44:43Oh,
44:44come on.
44:44Forget it for a minute.
44:45All right.
44:46Hey,
44:46Jerry,
44:47you're the guy I want to see.
44:49Annie,
44:50who's your friend?
44:51You know that TV special
44:52we're going to do together?
44:53Yeah.
44:53For the comedy spot,
44:54huh?
44:55Hey,
44:55she got any talent?
44:56Any talent?
44:57Watch her.
44:58A little audition,
44:59baby.
44:59There you go.
45:11She's terrific.
45:12You know something?
45:13That dog will go far.
45:14Don't forget,
45:15I'm her agent.
45:16Hey,
45:16Perry.
45:19Remember,
45:20remember,
45:21it's who you are seen with that count.
45:24I think a cigar would look better
45:25in his face,
45:26don't you see?
45:26It would go with it.
45:27Great deal like you then.
45:28Oh,
45:29it does.
45:29Yes,
45:29it does,
45:30doesn't it?
45:30Yeah,
45:31it does.
45:31Well,
45:32look at her.
45:33A little push down here says,
45:35are you interested in R2?
45:39Well,
45:39hello there.
45:40Hi,
45:40Lucy,
45:40how are you?
45:41Isn't she beautiful?
45:42I adore him.
45:43Look at that long eyes.
45:44Hey,
45:44incidentally,
45:44never mind her.
45:46Yeah?
45:46Welcome back to Hollywood.
45:50Say good night,
45:50Vincent.
45:51Good night,
45:51Vincent.
45:53By far,
45:53don't you?
45:54It's a long,
45:54green,
45:54habit.
45:54You do it all the time.
45:56Didn't I meet you
45:57in a beauty parlor?
45:58The world is yours.
46:09Mooch,
46:10this is what I had in mind
46:11for you all the time.
46:12Fame,
46:13fortune.
46:15Oh,
46:15there's Vincent Price
46:17and James Donovan
46:19and Jill St.
46:20John's.
46:20the world is yours.
46:21It's Shaggy.
46:32Hey,
46:33that's sunshine.
46:34They recognize you're all is lost.
46:43Oh, what do you know?
46:45It's Shaggy.
46:47Hey, that's Sunshine.
46:48Well, hello, princess.
46:51Don't you stand there.
46:53Hide.
46:54They will know you're only a mutt.
46:58Shaggy.
46:58I would have said that's Sunshine.
47:00Oh, little princess.
47:02I know it's Mrs. Magoo.
47:05Sir, she fooled me.
47:06What are you doing here?
47:08That's how I never forget a muzzle.
47:09Look at that.
47:10She rode all the way out to Sunset Boulevard.
47:13She came along.
47:18And I can see.
47:19That's the dog I found at the garage.
47:21He fooled me.
47:22I thought you were a star.
47:25You just a little came in and crashed a party.
47:29I know, that's the dog.
47:31Acting so badly that you couldn't believe it.
47:33I thought you'd know that.
47:35We've been had a little girl all over the suit.
47:55Poor darling.
47:56To have come so close to the impossible dream.
48:10Mooj, don't give up.
48:15Let's make one more try.
48:17Mooj, don't give up.
48:38How do you feel?
49:43I know this is not why you came to Hollywood.
50:06But darling, don't be sad.
50:10Show business isn't everything.
50:12And this will last much longer.
50:14This is Richard Burton saying,
50:25Farewell, Mooch, wherever you are.
50:28I know this is not why you came to Hollywood.
50:58I know this is not why you came to Hollywood.
51:04I know this is not why you came to Hollywood.
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