The House of the Dead 1978 ★★½ Horror/Anthology (CC)

Reel Videos

The House of the Dead (also known as Alien Zone) is a 1978 American anthology horror film directed by Sharron Miller, and the only feature film Miller has directed. The film's ensemble cast includes John Ericson, Ivor Francis, Judith Novgrod, Burr DeBenning, Charles Aidman, Bernard Fox, and Richard Gates, along with Elizabeth MacRae, Linda Gibboney, Leslie Paxton, and John King. It consists of four short stories built into a frame narrative about a man who takes refuge from a rainstorm in the residence of a mortician, with the four stories relating the fates of four corpses in the mortician's care.   Credits:  John Ericson as Talmudge  Ivor Francis as The Mortician / A Good Feller  Judith Novgrod as Miss Sibiler  Burr DeBenning as Growski  Charles Aidman as Detective Malcolm Toliver  Bernard Fox as Inspector McDowal  Richard Gates as Cantwell  Elizabeth MacRae as Mrs. Lumquist  Linda Gibboney as Julie  Leslie Paxton as Marie  John King as Marie's Husband  Stefanie Auerbach as Carol  Bo Byers as Growski Detective #1  David O'Malley as Growski Detective #2  Robert Telford as Maitre'd  Michael Colley as Stan  Gary Willis as Magazine Store Owner  Robert J. Mildfelt as Cantwell Businessman  Ben Smalley as Hanging Man  Evan Tonsing as Newsstand Attendant

Transcript

00:00:00I

00:00:30The last star of night that simply fades away

00:00:36The crest of a wave as it washes out to sea

00:00:41Where does it lead to and who knows why

00:00:47The saddest melody is the sound of goodbye

00:00:56The soft satin wind that leaves behind a chill

00:01:03The last autumn bud as it withers on a hill

00:01:08The distant drummer who tries to be like

00:01:14The saddest melody is the sound of goodbye

00:01:23The saddest melody is the sound of goodbye

00:01:54I'm so glad you're here

00:01:59It seems like it's been such a long time

00:02:07I wasn't sure if you'd be coming

00:02:11I got here as fast as I could

00:02:16Sometimes I feel sorry for your wife

00:02:29I better get back to the hotel

00:02:31No, not yet

00:02:34Please stay a little longer

00:02:37Marie's not going to be back for another two hours

00:02:39Call a taxi for me, will you?

00:02:42Please

00:02:44Marie

00:03:12It sure been raining a lot lately

00:03:17Seems like it's been raining for a week

00:03:22Well, he's been here two days

00:03:32Would you mind driving around a little bit?

00:03:44Never mind, just take me to the hotel

00:03:48I have to call my wife

00:03:50I have to call my wife

00:03:51While she was mad

00:03:51You'd be lost

00:03:51I got to call her

00:03:51No!

00:03:55No!

00:03:56No!

00:04:00No!

00:04:01No!

00:04:17Hey, this is Rock Street!

00:04:23Hey!

00:04:38Excuse me, could you tell me where the ambassador to the hotel is?

00:04:42I thought it was on this block, er, block over.

00:04:45See, the cab left me off and I don't recognize it.

00:05:11Hey! Is anyone in there?

00:05:41Go!

00:05:42Go!

00:05:47You're a little bit in a boat, man.

00:05:53Come on!

00:05:54Come on, guys!

00:06:02No need to stand out, my friend.

00:06:06Why not warm up a little?

00:06:08Dry out.

00:06:45This way.

00:06:46Good day.

00:07:38I was looking for my hotel.

00:07:42The ambassador.

00:07:43I thought I was in the right neighborhood.

00:07:46I asked the cab to let me out.

00:07:48Yes, I know.

00:07:52What?

00:07:54I know what you mean.

00:07:57The rain is a deceiver.

00:08:00A veil over reality.

00:08:06Things don't look the same in the rain.

00:08:09In fact, it's quite easy to get lost in these streets.

00:08:13I do it all the time.

00:08:17So you lost your hotel, huh?

00:08:20Yeah.

00:08:25Maybe the hotel lost me.

00:08:29Anyway, I can't find it.

00:08:35Professional transient, are you?

00:08:38I'm here for the plumbers convention.

00:08:43Universal plumbers.

00:08:45National sales reps from all over.

00:08:47We come here several times a year to catch up, you know.

00:08:51You were out seeing the sights, were you?

00:08:53I was visiting a friend.

00:08:56A friend, eh?

00:09:00We all need friends now, don't we?

00:09:03You want some coffee?

00:09:06Uh, no, no thanks.

00:09:13Maybe I will have a little if you don't mind.

00:09:16Coffee?

00:09:17Yeah.

00:09:20It's kind of cold out there in the rain.

00:09:24Drown men shouldn't be out walking around in the rain.

00:09:31Even to see friends.

00:09:41Do you live here?

00:09:44Live, work.

00:09:46This is where I do my work.

00:09:48What kind of work?

00:09:51I don't think you'd be interested, really.

00:09:54Just my work.

00:09:55What?

00:09:59Embalming, actually.

00:10:04Embalming and such.

00:10:06I'm a mortician.

00:10:09I take care of the deceased.

00:10:13After they're dead, I get them.

00:10:16That's my work.

00:10:18I do get some of the more interesting cases.

00:10:21In fact, the most interesting.

00:10:24Unique.

00:10:27Grotesque, actually.

00:10:30At least some of them.

00:10:36Come with me, I'd like to show you something.

00:10:41I think I'd better get back to the hotel.

00:10:44Oh, yes.

00:10:44The one you lost.

00:10:46Meeting another friend, perhaps?

00:10:48No.

00:10:49I just...

00:10:50Oh, you must have a business meeting.

00:10:51A seminar on pipes and fitting.

00:10:53No.

00:10:55One thousand and one leaks you should know.

00:10:59I'd better get back to the hotel.

00:11:00Well, I have to call my wife.

00:11:02Well, I was kind enough to bring you in out of the rain,

00:11:04give you a hot cup of coffee.

00:11:07Why not stay just a few more minutes and let me show you around?

00:11:11I think you'll be interested.

00:11:18All right.

00:11:18Good.

00:11:52Good morning, sir.

00:11:53My latest clients.

00:11:58This one, for instance.

00:12:01So very interesting.

00:12:02Please, let's not be an ungrateful guest.

00:12:05I really should be going.

00:12:06I've just begun to show you around, as much, much more.

00:12:12a very interesting, very bizarre case.

00:12:23Her name was Miss Sibler.

00:12:30She was a teacher.

00:12:49Hi, Miss Sibler, hi, Miss Sibler.

00:12:53Isn't she sweet, little brat?

00:12:58Stop running!

00:13:15Get away from my car!

00:13:40Damn, kids! Disgusting little litter bugs!

00:14:19Stop running, girl.

00:14:24I'm sorry, she doesn't care about me.

00:14:24She was a teacher.

00:14:24She was playing with her

00:14:25She was a teacher.

00:14:27She was a teacher.

00:16:32It's funny.

00:16:35It's funny.

00:16:36It's funny.

00:16:58That was Boris Duke and his orchestra.

00:17:01And now, Mama Peranza and his, with strings.

00:17:31It's funny.

00:17:35It's funny.

00:17:51It's funny.

00:17:53It's funny.

00:17:54It's funny.

00:18:01It's funny.

00:18:12It's funny.

00:18:17It's funny.

00:18:18It's funny.

00:18:38It's funny.

00:18:40It's funny.

00:18:42It's funny.

00:18:46It's funny.

00:19:01It's funny.

00:19:02It's funny.

00:19:04It's funny.

00:19:09Let's go.

00:21:41Oh my God!

00:21:45Children!

00:21:47Just children!

00:21:50What kind of a stupid prank is this?

00:21:54What is the matter with you? Don't you know any better?

00:21:59Stupid prank!

00:22:04More of you?

00:22:09What do you want?

00:22:24You're噓!

00:22:25You're good!

00:22:26But remember...

00:22:2912 minutes and the father named Buttec Jeff,

00:22:30You shot!

00:22:33Oh, my God.

00:23:09Oh, my God.

00:23:40you don't expect me to believe that story it's ridiculous perhaps yet it's all very true

00:23:49but a woman being bitten to death by by children i never said children

00:24:01what

00:24:02i have no idea i don't think anyone really knows what or why

00:24:13she was very much a mess

00:24:19quite a challenge to me to make something acceptable of her

00:24:29it's just too hard to believe

00:24:35possibly as i told you i do get the most interesting cases

00:24:43you sound like you select these people everyone should be selective in what they do don't you agree

00:24:50take mr growski here for instance he was selective in what he did though i must

00:24:59say he was somewhat strange he had a rather abnormal predilection for cameras

00:25:08photography all that sort of thing did some very nasty things

00:25:23look at this a movie camera

00:25:28looks like billy's tip paid off

00:25:30it's running this creep's got a camera

00:25:37this one is julie i met her at the library

00:25:41she's good looking but you know she doesn't have too much upstairs

00:25:46hello hello hello oh hi hi i was just about to leave i thought maybe there wasn't anybody home

00:25:53no no i'm home i was just busy come on in

00:25:56good um thank you

00:25:59oh

00:26:01oh it's so cute

00:26:02what your apartment

00:26:05i mean it's really neat

00:26:07and uh

00:26:08it's so cute try to keep it clean

00:26:11sit down

00:26:13oh not there uh why not here sit here

00:26:18okay um i brought you some wine i don't drink oh uh well see i don't really drink too much

00:26:27anyway

00:26:27either but i didn't know if you'd like any or not so i'll be sweet doesn't matter

00:26:35oh

00:26:39thank you

00:26:47it was really nice of you to invite me for dinner

00:26:52i mean i don't usually accept blind dates

00:26:56how come you filmed them

00:26:59oh well

00:27:00um

00:27:05what are you interested in

00:27:12photography

00:27:16oh

00:27:18wow

00:27:20boy that's they're really great

00:27:25yeah

00:27:26um do you have an ashtray i could use

00:27:29i don't smoke

00:27:31oh um

00:27:35uh

00:27:37photography

00:27:39well i mean of course

00:27:41there's one of your cameras right now um

00:27:44just like a a model airplane or something kind of mounted right on its own stand

00:27:50a model airplane

00:27:53it's it's more important and expensive than any model airplane it's

00:28:01photography is a serious endeavor

00:28:03uh hey i didn't mean anything bad really see i like to take snapshots too

00:28:09this is a motion picture camera you do not take snapshots with it or any other camera

00:28:16photography is not just a game

00:28:18um

00:28:19um

00:28:20um

00:28:20hayley i'm sorry see i just didn't know that i also study magic

00:28:26magic

00:28:27would you like to see a magic trick

00:28:30sure

00:28:32you would yes okay yeah i would need a silk or a nylon

00:28:40you wouldn't happen to have a nylon stocking would you

00:28:43um

00:28:44well just the ones i'm wearing i mean i don't carry extras

00:28:49darn it i mean i i really need a silk stocking to do this trick

00:28:56could i borrow one of yours i wouldn't ruin it or anything you know i i mean i to do

00:29:01this trick

00:29:02i really need a silk stocking um how about another trick no you would really like this trick

00:29:13well see um actually they're attached you know they're pantyhose

00:29:17so you'd end up having to use both stockings anyway that's all right i mean that'll that'll work

00:29:23fine even better um uh well uh i feel silly no no that's all right don't don't worry about a

00:29:37thing i'll turn my back and you can slip them off

00:29:42okay um

00:29:46now you promise you're not going to look or anything i won't look on my honor

00:29:52um all right well you know i've um i've always been fascinated by by magic because i always like

00:30:01to try to to figure out how they do the trick you know what the secret is to it and

00:30:07i've been to

00:30:08to vegas you know i go there and i've seen some of the magicians there and uh it's really it's

00:30:15really

00:30:15interesting to me but i you know i haven't been there um too recently uh you aren't gonna ruin it

00:30:24oh promise

00:30:27okay

00:30:31okay okay now

00:30:46i'm gonna figure out how you do it too okay straight ahead that's right towards the camera

00:30:56right right okay now this takes complete concentration to get the full effect now

00:31:07you have to close your eyes you cannot see this part um all right um abra wait okay

00:31:30do you do it

00:31:31what are you doing

00:31:34your life is gone it's disappeared

00:31:38i waited until now i decided to skip all the boring formalities her

00:31:44her name is carol and she's some sort of a secretary or something you know

00:31:57I buy all the photography books for myself.

00:32:02And?

00:32:04Oh, look at that camera.

00:32:07Boy, does that look complicated.

00:32:10Look at all the switches and gadgets and buttons.

00:32:18Hey, that's funny.

00:32:21What?

00:32:22It sounds like it's buzzing or something, kind of whirring.

00:32:25Do you hear it?

00:32:26No, it's your imagination.

00:32:29No, listen, it's running, isn't it?

00:32:32No, it's not.

00:32:38Yes, it is. It's running, isn't it?

00:32:40Come on, what are you doing?

00:32:42Are you filming us?

00:32:44What kind of thing is that?

00:32:45Oh, wait a minute.

00:32:46No, you wait a minute. I don't go for that kind of thing.

00:32:49Now, what did you think? You're going to get me drunk.

00:32:51We're going to get on the couch.

00:32:55No way. I've known creeps like you. You are nuts.

00:32:59Wait a minute.

00:32:59No way.

00:33:12Whatever.

00:33:15It's been three days but I finally found another one.

00:33:19And she's a real dandy, you know, society type, upper crust, very rich and snooty.

00:33:30Kind of got acquainted with the Audubon Society.

00:33:36She's got the hots for me.

00:33:39I can tell.

00:33:41Probably because I bowled her over with my clever wits and subtle sexuality.

00:33:51Anyway, she's, she's coming to see me soon and I have to prepare and there's only about,

00:33:59there's only about a hundred feet of film left, so I'm going to have to work fast on this one.

00:34:05Mr. Groski, I am afraid that I'm going to have to ask you if I may borrow your telephone to

00:34:13call a taxi.

00:34:14No, I mean, that won't be necessary, Mrs. Lundquist.

00:34:23I'm afraid it won't be.

00:34:25Don't call.

00:34:27You shouldn't call.

00:34:29Please don't call.

00:34:33Mr. Groski, you have no reason to speak to me in that manner whatsoever.

00:34:38Mrs. Lundquist.

00:34:41Please don't.

00:34:50No!

00:35:02A year later, he was executed.

00:35:06The state didn't allow any pictures to be taken, so he begged them.

00:35:12How do you know all about him?

00:35:14I mean, how did you find out the details of what he did and how?

00:35:17I have police records, doctors, files, that sort of thing.

00:35:23My disposal.

00:35:25I'm a professional.

00:35:27These are my customers.

00:35:29My clients.

00:35:31I have to know all about them to take care of them properly.

00:35:35Like this one.

00:35:38One of my favorites.

00:35:42Very intriguing situation.

00:35:49I have to move on.

00:35:49Okay.

00:36:10Let's go.

00:36:25Let's go.

00:36:50Let's go.

00:37:41Let's go.

00:37:44Yes.

00:37:49Well, from the top.

00:37:55First of all, Mr. Castellucci did not hang himself. He was murdered.

00:38:01I found a few small clipped hairs on his collar and the fresh scent of a tonic on his face

00:38:09and neck.

00:38:09A tonic which Mr. Castellucci doesn't happen to possess in his vast assortment of aftershaves and colognes.

00:38:18Now, this would lead me to believe that Mr. Castellucci had recently obtained a haircut and in my experience, it

00:38:28is very rare for a man to get a trim immediately prior to doing away with himself.

00:38:35I also found some vaguely distinguishable rope burns on his wrists and a few strands of that very rope on

00:38:46his coat sleeve,

00:38:47strongly suggesting that Mr. Castellucci had no control of the method of scheduling of his premature demise.

00:38:57Mr. Castellucci also found this airline ticket dated today in his coat pocket scheduled to leave for Rome, Italy by

00:39:05way of New York,

00:39:08departing, well, a little less than seven minutes ago.

00:39:16I strongly believe that the deceased really wouldn't have passed up the opportunity of a trip like that.

00:39:25Now, for the killer, his name is Savio Belinsky, a rather well-known, low-life type character,

00:39:34and the only man in this town vaguely degenerate enough to smoke a revolting brand of cigar known as El

00:39:42Amigo,

00:39:43the ashes of which may be found in that dresser top or this table over here.

00:39:51He can usually be found at this time of day at a filthy little dive known as Frenchy's Pool Parlor

00:39:58at 6th and Franklin.

00:40:06Well, pick him up and book him.

00:40:09First degree murder.

00:40:17You can take him down now.

00:40:21He's had his hour in the public eye.

00:40:33Congratulations. An excellent piece of work.

00:40:35Oh, thank you, thank you.

00:40:37I rather thought so myself.

00:40:41It is not too difficult, really, a rather routine case, obvious clues,

00:40:47but it does keep the senses keen and the mind alerted,

00:40:50something like a baseball player taking batting practice.

00:40:53Or a champion oarsman chopping about in a rowboat on a Sunday afternoon in the park.

00:40:58I don't believe I've had the pleasure.

00:40:59I don't believe you have. Inspector Wendell McDowell, Scotland Yard.

00:41:03Ah, England, right?

00:41:05Last time I checked, yes.

00:41:07Well, then you must be the famous Inspector McDowell, Britain's number one sleuth.

00:41:14Isn't that what you call it?

00:41:16There have been people that have phrased it that way, yes.

00:41:19In that case, you probably know that I am...

00:41:23Chief Detective Malcolm Tolliver, America's greatest detective and master of criminal investigation.

00:41:29You honor me, sir?

00:41:30No, I respect you. I don't think I could ever honor you.

00:41:34All right. We're supposed to be rivals, aren't we?

00:41:38Oh, incorrigibly so.

00:41:40Well, how in the world did you ever find me in this squalid setting?

00:41:47I just asked at the station house and your dispatcher, a nice chap, Barney...

00:41:53Bernie.

00:41:54Bernie, that's right. He told me where I could find me.

00:41:57You mean you didn't deduce my whereabouts through calculated assemblage of relevant clues?

00:42:02No, this time I just stooped plain old common sense and asked.

00:42:05I do that quite often, actually.

00:42:07It's less dramatic, I suppose, but much more direct.

00:42:10Oh, well, are you visiting here in America, or are you on the track of some ruthless international lawbreaker?

00:42:20Oh, a bit of both, as a matter of fact, so I thought I may as well drop off and

00:42:24observe the master of detection at work.

00:42:27Sort of, um, absorb a few tricks.

00:42:29Oh, Inspector, you are stretching your efforts in the art of flattery.

00:42:35Oh, hardly. Hardly. I honestly believe it couldn't hurt me to pick up a few pointers.

00:42:40After all, we are competing, uh, for the title of world's leading criminologist.

00:42:45Yes, I believe someone did phrase it that way, didn't they?

00:42:49Uh, a journalist.

00:42:50Yes, I think it was Time magazine.

00:42:52Rolling Stone.

00:42:53No, I'm certain it was Time.

00:42:55Rolling Stone. It was, uh, January 7th, page 3, column 2, and the headline was in full capitals.

00:43:02Yes, yes.

00:43:03Yes. Well, uh, Mr. McDowell, shall we adjourn these premises to a more pleasant environment?

00:43:11Yeah, I do have to dash off for an appointment right now, but perhaps later.

00:43:13We could have dinner together.

00:43:15You're two steps ahead of me.

00:43:16Brilliant deduction.

00:43:17After you.

00:43:18After you.

00:43:19Oh, I insist.

00:43:20Well, I.

00:43:42Oh, I'll do that.

00:43:59That's a really excellent vintage, don't you agree?

00:44:03Most assuredly fragrant, softly smooth, yet distinctly

00:44:14melodious, a very refreshing analysis, Beaujolais, Les Bienvenus, 1968 or 69, no, definitely 69, correct, you're

00:44:37very good at that, that's my job, being good at what I do, being the best.

00:44:41Well, we all try to be the best, Inspector, the spirit of competition is what keeps us

00:44:50going, I suppose.

00:44:52Absolutely, sort of, if at first you don't succeed, well, speaking of success, or lack of it, I've

00:45:04always wanted to ask you about that infamous mail train robbery.

00:45:11How in the world did you ever crack that miserable fiasco after letting it drag on for all those

00:45:20weeks with no results?

00:45:21Yes, actually, you see, I had it cracked, as you say, months before, I was simply waiting

00:45:27for my pigeons to move into position and implicate themselves with irrefutable evidence.

00:45:33You know what I'm saying?

00:45:34You know what I'm saying?

00:45:35Well, I couldn't run around naming names and allow them to dig in with clever attorneys

00:45:41and neatly constructed alibis.

00:45:44You know what, something like that appalling situation you yourself experienced on that

00:45:50unfortunate jewel robbery investigation last year.

00:45:54Oh, wait, wait.

00:45:57That's not exactly right, Inspector.

00:45:59I had good reason to handle that case in an unorthodox manner.

00:46:04Really?

00:46:05And is this unorthodox manner, an American trait?

00:46:09Well, I suppose so.

00:46:11The Americans are unorthodox, Japanese inscrutable, Italians lusty, French passionate, British stuffy.

00:46:24Stuffy but precise.

00:46:26A message for you, sir.

00:46:28Oh, thank you, then.

00:46:34I have a lesson for you, Mr. Tom.

00:46:49Uh, Leon?

00:46:52Yes, Mr. Tom.

00:46:57Who gave this to you?

00:46:58Why? No one, sir.

00:46:59I found it next to the reservation book.

00:47:01Your name was on it, so I assume that...

00:47:03Of course, of course.

00:47:05You didn't happen to see someone placing it there, did you?

00:47:09No, sir.

00:47:10I left to check the kitchen, and when I came back, I found it there.

00:47:13Very good, ma'am.

00:47:15My pleasure, sir.

00:47:17Something mysterious?

00:47:20It's a note.

00:47:23Unsigned.

00:47:25A cryptic note.

00:47:26Ah, they're the best kind.

00:47:28Mr. Tolliver, in three days, someone you know will die a horrible death.

00:47:36You are the only one who can prevent this tragic occurrence.

00:47:42Don't you think you should?

00:47:43Now, it's written by pasting up letters from newspaper headlines.

00:47:51That's a very amateurish trait.

00:47:53It does seem to get the message across, however.

00:47:59Elmer's glue.

00:48:01Very middle class.

00:48:06Bremerton paper mills, New York.

00:48:09Ah, 20 pound flat bond.

00:48:1380% straight pulp.

00:48:1515% dye.

00:48:165% nylon fiber.

00:48:19Common.

00:48:22A little too common, really.

00:48:26Now, this is going to take a bit of looking into.

00:48:31I, um, I do have to return to London in a few days, but I'd like to tag along on

00:48:37this

00:48:38case sort of observe your methods.

00:48:40Would you, uh, would you mind terribly?

00:48:42Still attempting flattery, Inspector?

00:48:45Not at all.

00:48:46I'm just, uh, immensely interested.

00:48:49Uh, you wouldn't feel threatened by my presence, would you?

00:48:53Now you flatter yourself, Inspector.

00:48:58You know, maybe there is only room for one foremost criminologist in the world.

00:49:04But being that one is not just a matter of methods.

00:49:09It's the man.

00:49:10The man and his methods.

00:49:14Now, certainly I wouldn't feel threatened.

00:49:17Tag along if you like.

00:49:19I'd love to have you.

00:49:20Maybe you will learn something.

00:49:23Perhaps I will.

00:49:47Have a few moments.

00:49:56All right, uh, Inspector, apparently, the letters were cut from the following four newspapers,

00:50:07San Francisco Chronicle, the London Times, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, and strangely

00:50:13enough, strangely enough, just these two letters, N, T, were cut from the New York Times.

00:50:28Yes, John, rather a slap in the face for the Times, isn't it?

00:50:40Would you like to take a look at this, Inspector?

00:50:43Electrolysis test for hair construction identification?

00:50:45Not really.

00:50:46I prefer the magnetic analysis myself.

00:50:49It's considerably more accurate.

00:51:10Find anything?

00:51:13Nothing significant.

00:51:15No fingerprints on the envelope or the letter?

00:51:17No prints, just mine and Leon's.

00:51:23Obviously, we are dealing with a professional.

00:51:26And, uh, no convenient cigar ash or burnt rope's end to lead you to the identity of the fellow?

00:51:35Well, now, let's see.

00:51:36What have you got?

00:51:37You have the intended murder, and you know when.

00:51:39That's tomorrow.

00:51:40So, uh, all you have to know now is, uh, where and, uh, how.

00:51:45And, uh, possibly why, uh, just to jolly things along a little.

00:51:49What?

00:51:50Now, look, Inspector.

00:51:52You asked if you could observe, not participate.

00:51:56Now, if you want to speculate or theorize, why don't you get yourself into another room

00:52:02and shout all your wins and your what's and your how's to your heart's content?

00:52:09Now, if you don't mind, I am trying to work.

00:52:12And I don't need all your amateur Dick Tracy suppositions

00:52:17and a hypothetical poppycock rattling around this laboratory!

00:52:25Well, uh, I tell you what, I, uh, I just sit over there and watch.

00:52:30Fine, Inspector, fine.

00:52:32Fine, you just do that.

00:53:08Oh, yes, I, uh, I got your message just as I was leaving my hotel.

00:53:14Well, come in, come in.

00:53:15I'm glad I caught you.

00:53:16Yes, I, uh, I suppose I am, too.

00:53:21Um, my word.

00:53:26Your police department looks after you rather handsomely, doesn't it?

00:53:30Not at all like our poor impoverished bobbies.

00:53:34Don't be deceived, Inspector.

00:53:36My salary on the force couldn't even begin to pay for this house.

00:53:40My good fortune results from the fact that I have the time and the resources to take on private cases.

00:53:47A private eye?

00:53:48Well, you can call me that if you wish.

00:53:50I prefer a private investigator.

00:53:53And your, uh, superiors have no objection?

00:53:56I have no superiors.

00:53:59Oh, yes.

00:54:01Why don't you have yourself a seat?

00:54:04Outrageous.

00:54:10I called you here because I have managed to solve the mysterious case of our threatening murderer.

00:54:16I thought you might be interested.

00:54:18Ah, yes, of course.

00:54:20This is the day, isn't it?

00:54:22And I was beginning to think you were really stumped for once.

00:54:26Hardly.

00:54:27Although rather unique in its initial appearance, the case has actually turned out to be rather routine.

00:54:36Really?

00:54:39As you so, uh, aptly put it, uh, yesterday, the what is apparently murder, a horrible death, as it says

00:54:48in the note, the when is obviously today, three days after the note's delivery, and the victim of this unsavory

00:54:58piece of mayhem.

00:54:59As the note says, someone that I am supposed to know is, in fact, myself.

00:55:12Yes, me.

00:55:15Now for the perpetrator, the plotter, the instigator of this vicious scheme to commit cold-blooded premeditated murder.

00:55:24After examining certain obvious elements, elements that reek of ego and pride and lust for power, I can only come

00:55:34to one conclusion.

00:55:36The case is solved.

00:55:39I am the victim.

00:55:41And you, my dear inspector, are the murderer.

00:55:47Bravo.

00:55:48Well done.

00:55:50An excellent piece of investigation.

00:55:52And the weapon, of course, a gun.

00:55:56The least likely weapon to be used by Britain's leading crime fighter.

00:56:00That's why no one could possibly suspect me of killing you.

00:56:16I forgot to tell you.

00:56:20I solved the case.

00:56:22Two days ago.

00:57:01Oh, you were going no longer.

00:57:10I was not.

00:57:11You are too.

00:57:13You are too.

00:57:15You are too.

00:57:22I've seen there anything.

00:57:27I don't know.

00:58:17Yes, yes, yes.

00:58:34At least I was thoughtful enough to change the inspector's bloody shirt.

00:58:39And I tried to keep the same expression on his face, a sort of clever little grin.

00:58:47I suppose you're going to tell me American Detective Tolliver is in that coffin?

00:58:55Heavens no!

00:58:57They never found enough of poor Chief Detective Tolliver to bury.

00:59:01He seemed to go all to pieces over the incident.

00:59:06Come, let me show you this next one. Number four, I call him.

00:59:11He's one of my newest acquisitions.

00:59:16Acquisitions? There you go again, acting as if you pick and choose.

00:59:21I'm sorry. I shall call them my customers if it will make you feel any better.

00:59:28Let's have a look. What do you say?

00:59:34Here's the file on the new applicants, Mr. Cantwell.

00:59:39So what else do you want?

00:59:42If there's anything you don't find, please let me know.

00:59:49Testy little thing.

00:59:51Thanks, Susan.

00:59:53Hey, Dennis, how about grabbing some lines?

00:59:56No, thanks, Dan.

00:59:58Come on, we're going down to that new hamburger joint.

01:00:01Twenty-three different kinds of hamburgers.

01:00:02No, really, I...

01:00:04I've got to run a few errands.

01:00:06I have to take care of a few things.

01:00:09Well, you're lost, Dan.

01:00:13Twenty-three different kinds of hamburgers.

01:00:18Why do they keep pestering me?

01:00:21Oh, man.

01:00:24Stupid jerk.

01:00:26Twenty-three different kinds of morons.

01:00:31I've got to get out of here.

01:00:41Ten, twenty, twenty-five, fifty, seventy-five, one buck.

01:00:50Uh, you have any gum?

01:00:53Huh?

01:00:55Gum.

01:00:56Chewing gum.

01:00:57No.

01:01:00You really don't have any chewing gum.

01:01:03Well, you think this is a delicatessen?

01:01:08Slop.

01:01:29I'm sorry.

01:01:31Hey, look, look, I don't have any change.

01:01:34Why don't you get a job?

01:01:36Creep.

01:02:04Hey!

01:02:06You got me locked in!

01:02:08Fred, is somebody back there?

01:02:24Hello?

01:02:38Hello?

01:03:08Hello?

01:03:29Is somebody down there?

01:03:42Oh, my God.

01:04:15Hey!

01:04:17Hey!

01:04:41Hey!

01:04:42Let me out of here!

01:04:51Hey!

01:04:53Hey!

01:04:54Stop!

01:04:55No!

01:04:56No, stop it!

01:04:58Hey, no!

01:04:59Stop!

01:04:59Stop it!

01:05:01Stop!

01:05:02No!

01:05:03No!

01:05:04Stop!

01:05:30No!

01:05:33No!

01:05:34No!

01:05:46No!

01:05:48No!

01:05:49No!

01:05:57No!

01:06:00No!

01:06:17Here's the violent way up against Mr. Camwell.

01:06:20If there's anything you don't find, please let me know.

01:06:24No, I think you're a few things.

01:06:27Look, I don't have any change.

01:06:29Mr. Camwell, please let me know.

01:06:32No, you're lost, Dan.

01:06:34No, please let me know.

01:06:38No, no, you're lost, Dan.

01:06:55Look, Dan.

01:06:57No.

01:07:03No.

01:07:05This is straight.

01:07:06No, sorry.

01:07:08Oh.

01:07:11Oh.

01:07:14Oh.

01:07:17Oh.

01:07:22Oh.

01:07:23Oh.

01:07:25Oh.

01:07:26Oh.

01:07:32Oh, my God.

01:08:14No!

01:08:27Mind...

01:08:30...so...

01:08:34...dream...

01:12:20I told you I couldn't help you.

01:12:22Why don't you get a job?

01:12:28No!

01:12:37But you have his body.

01:12:39Eventually, he died.

01:12:42Drunk with a rotted liver.

01:12:46Sprawled in the gutter.

01:12:49Pickled I'd say.

01:12:51Why?

01:12:52But who would do that to men, torture him mentally and physically?

01:12:57And why would they do that?

01:12:59Who?

01:13:00Why?

01:13:02Oh, come now, I'm sure you're not that naive.

01:13:07All these people were the victims of their own frailties, their own petty foibles.

01:13:12His siblings.

01:13:13And Sibbler was selfish and cold and held a thoroughly uningratiating disdain for all people.

01:13:21Especially children.

01:13:23And Mr. Groski, and Mr. Groski, our errant camera bug was a bit sadistic and totally contemptuous of other people's

01:13:32privacy.

01:13:34And our two sleuths.

01:13:37So vain and egotistical.

01:13:40What became of them?

01:13:48Mr. Cantwell, he had no feelings at all.

01:13:51He was blindly insensitive, sir, when another human being, agonized by his own pain, reached out for help.

01:14:01He passed him by.

01:14:04Poor Mr. Cantwell, he might have lived quite long and comfortably in another age, another world.

01:14:13His failing?

01:14:15He simply didn't care.

01:14:27What was this person's failing?

01:14:31Oh, I don't know.

01:14:34In fidelity, I suppose.

01:14:38I'd like to see.

01:14:54This is all very interesting.

01:14:57Everything.

01:15:00But I must go now.

01:15:02Not yet.

01:15:03There's so much more to see.

01:15:05I have to get to the hotel.

01:15:07I have to call my wife.

01:15:09Don't rush off, Mr. Talmadge.

01:15:12How do you know my name?

01:15:14Every good businessman should know the names of his clients.

01:15:18one when he's out of his client.

01:15:29Don't rush.

01:15:34Not yet.

01:15:36Ha, ha, ha!

01:16:06I

01:16:40I

01:16:42I

01:16:43I

01:16:44I

01:16:50I

01:17:04I

01:17:06I

01:17:16I

01:17:16How long did you two think you could get away with your little game?

01:17:20I'm not stupid, you know

01:17:28I can read Marie like a book

01:17:32All it took

01:17:34It's a little waiting

01:17:35Little watching

01:17:36And I knew I'd catch you both sooner or later

01:17:41You stupid bastard

01:17:43Don't you know any better?

01:18:11The last star of night

01:18:14That simply fades away

01:18:16The crest

01:18:18Of a wave

01:18:19As it washes out to sea

01:18:22Where does it lead to and who knows why

01:18:27The saddest melody

01:18:30Is the sound of goodbye

01:18:37The end of a storm

01:18:40That leaves behind its tears

01:18:43The hope in a face

01:18:46As it changes through the years

01:18:48Where does it lead to and who knows why

01:18:54The saddest melody

01:18:57Is the sound of goodbye

01:19:05I

01:19:06I

01:19:07I

01:19:08I

01:19:09I

01:19:14I

01:19:15Sleeping passions turn to ashes

01:19:20Nothing's real anymore

01:19:24The soft satin wind that leaves behind a chill

01:19:31The last autumn bud as it withers on a hill

01:19:36The distant drummer who tries to be like

01:19:42The saddest melody is the sound of goodbye

01:19:51The saddest melody is the sound of goodbye

01:20:25The saddest melody is the sound of goodbye

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