- 9 months ago
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00:00Time to play
00:08What's Up Here?
00:10Day!
00:13Everybody's penis.
00:15We taking guesses on the tops?
00:18Okay, so yesterday, if you weren't with us,
00:20we looked back at the year in review,
00:23the anal year in review, if you will.
00:25Yep.
00:25Thank God we did that.
00:26Now it's the penal year in review,
00:29not law, not the penal code,
00:31the penis.
00:33Thanks for clarifying.
00:34Just to be sure.
00:36It's time for another look back at the year that was
00:39through the eyes of America's ERs.
00:41This is people that have gone through
00:43emergency room reports
00:45to determine what people are putting in them.
00:48This time we're specifically focusing
00:50on the year of penises.
00:53Yep.
00:53And what people got stuck in their dongs
00:55over the past year.
00:57Here's what made the list.
00:59battery.
01:01You hope
01:02triple A.
01:03You hope triple A.
01:04Double D.
01:05Probably a C.
01:06Double D.
01:07This thing is a double D.
01:08Double D battery.
01:09There's a D.
01:10There's a D.
01:10There's not a double D?
01:11There's double A.
01:12That's Dolly Parton.
01:13Yeah.
01:14There's no double D.
01:16There's no double D.
01:17Just a D.
01:18Okay.
01:18I'm big with a double D battery beam.
01:21Nine volt.
01:22Yeah.
01:22Maybe.
01:23Nine volt is square.
01:24That's going to shock you.
01:24That is square.
01:25That is square.
01:26Candle wax.
01:28So I guess you let it harden and then...
01:31Or maybe you just take like a birthday candle and...
01:36But it's just candle wax specifically, not candle.
01:38Yeah.
01:39Maybe it broke off.
01:41Hmm.
01:41Because I feel like what you don't realize is how much bigger these objects are than you
01:51would ever want.
01:51When it comes to my pee hole?
01:52When you'd want them to be.
01:53Everything's too big.
01:54I know.
01:55But to me, I think, okay, well, what kind of candle would I put down there?
01:59And I'm thinking, you know, like the birthday candle, like the little one in the box.
02:04Not a Bath and Body Works.
02:05No, but I think some of these people are putting the old church candle in, you know, like the
02:10long, so that they get all the way in, a chess piece, which one wasn't specified.
02:17Right.
02:17That's funny because that was on the butt too.
02:19Yep.
02:20We love those.
02:21Two glass beads.
02:23Yeah.
02:24A pen.
02:25Jason got that right earlier.
02:26I don't know why he was top of mind with that.
02:29That was the most phallic thing I had around me.
02:31Yeah.
02:32A pencil.
02:33Mm-hmm.
02:33A comb.
02:36Oh, that, you know, the handle part.
02:38The handle part.
02:39Oh, not like a real, like, Fonzarelli.
02:41You know that style, but it has that handle.
02:44Oh.
02:45Yeah.
02:45You know it.
02:46It's pointy.
02:47Apple stem.
02:49Why?
02:50Like, I eat my apple.
02:51What am I going to do with this?
02:52Can you get a mask?
02:52Apple stem's pretty small.
02:54I know, but if it's like a...
02:55Why do you want it inside your penis?
02:58Paper clip.
03:00Yeah, that I understand.
03:01A spring.
03:04Like, you pop your pen apart.
03:06It's got that little spring inside of it.
03:08Yeah.
03:08Boop.
03:09A screw.
03:11Mm-hmm.
03:12Staples.
03:13Staples would suck, man.
03:15Like...
03:17Thermometer.
03:18I don't know how to get that out.
03:19Mm-hmm.
03:20What's my dick temp at?
03:22I think that's probably...
03:23It would be funny to see it rise.
03:26I mean, it would.
03:27No, it wouldn't.
03:27Because I'd be like, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
03:29Oh, man.
03:31Until you're like, oh.
03:33Guitar string.
03:35Ooh, don't do that.
03:36They're so sharp on the end.
03:37Allen wrench.
03:39Also on the list yesterday.
03:42Yeah, they're just around.
03:43Do you know how many Allen wrenches I have?
03:44Yeah, they come with everything.
03:46I could be filled up.
03:47And headphones.
03:48They specified not earbuds, headphones.
03:52So the cord.
03:53It's got to be the cord, right?
03:54It's the cord.
03:55Because you're always pulling them out of blades and stuff.
03:57Yeah, it's the cord.
03:58Not Beats by Dry?
03:59I don't know.
03:59How are you going to get that in there?
04:01You can't.
04:02I saw a full screwdriver in there.
04:05I've seen a full screwdriver.
04:08Oh, my God.
04:09I don't.
04:10Oh, boy.
04:10I did not like that.
04:12No.
04:13I saw a full screwdriver.
04:15Of course you did.
04:15Do you want to see it?
04:16No.
04:17Do you want to see it?
04:17I can't.
04:18I have nine minutes of a man.
04:21No.
04:21Just see the one out.
04:23It's a white screwdriver.
04:25Do you want a screwdriver like a large nine minutes?
04:29No, I'm not.
04:30I'm not.
04:31I can't.
04:31Of all the things we watch on the show, people putting stuff in their wieners, I cannot handle.
04:35I can't.
04:36All right.
04:36I'll find out the weirdest.
04:37You know sympathy pains?
04:38Oh, instantly I have massive penis pain.
04:42I've seen someone put what I would say is a normal size vibrator that a lady would use.
04:51Normal size.
04:52And jamming it.
04:55Down the center.
04:56Why do you watch it, though?
04:58Because that is unbelievable.
05:00Like, that is like.
05:01I, if I saw that about to happen, I'd be like, no, no, no.
05:04Yeah, I mean, I'm desensitized, but.
05:07Break my computer.
05:09Yes.
05:09Oh, my God.
05:10No.
05:10I would stop it from happening.
05:12I almost.
05:12And what's crazy about all this stuff is that it was before the time of AI.
05:16Like, now I could do anything.
05:18I could make AI come up with any kind of scenario.
05:21And you never know if what you're seeing is real.
05:24He's seen something.
05:25That's crazy.
05:25Apparently.
05:26Which one did you see?
05:27So the screwdriver.
05:28Please don't.
05:28Yeah.
05:29Chopstick.
05:30Plastic straw.
05:32Yeah.
05:32You know, like, uh, like, uh, electric mixer.
05:35Like the beaters.
05:36Oh, yeah.
05:36What?
05:37The backside of it?
05:38They're huge.
05:39Well, you know, but he, it like all the way, like the straw is gone.
05:45Like disappears.
05:46The screwdriver.
05:47When I saw all the way, it was the handle all the way.
05:51No, this one was the handle.
05:53This man.
05:54Mm-hmm.
05:55He's in his eye.
05:56He's out of control.
05:56He's into it.
06:00You got problems, too.
06:04He's got problems.
06:05Well, you do, too.
06:06Check out the handle.
06:06See if you can find the handle one.
06:08Wiener Steffens.
06:11One of my friends was, I brought this up yesterday.
06:15Um, he was like, Chuck, uh, they call it that tuning.
06:21I'm like, what?
06:22Oh, he was like, tuning.
06:25He's like, you guys talk about it.
06:26He's like, you guys talk about that tuning.
06:28And I'm like, are you talking about?
06:30I'm like, tuning you do on a radio dial.
06:33He's like, you know, they put things inside of themselves.
06:35I'm like, oh, sounding.
06:38Close.
06:39Almost got it.
06:40I'm not watching it, Jason.
06:42I'm not.
06:42No matter how many times you give me the eyes.
06:44You want to make the Hall of Fame, Dave?
06:45Yeah.
06:46This is going to get us in.
06:47This is not going to get us in.
06:47This is our sizzle reel.
06:48I'm going to swear.
06:49This is, uh, give me a little taste of it.
06:52No.
06:52Nose are free.
06:53Please don't.
06:53Just click a random spot.
06:55Just see it.
06:56No.
06:57It's almost like Russian roulette.
06:59We're going to play a little bit of Russian roulette.
07:02What are we going to get?
07:04Jay, look away.
07:05Just look away.
07:06Look away, Jay.
07:07Look away.
07:08Okay.
07:08We have to cut.
07:09How long is the video?
07:10Nine minutes.
07:11Okay.
07:11So come up with a time.
07:13Jade, come up with a time right now.
07:16In nine minutes.
07:17Pick a time.
07:18Five-forty-five.
07:21Five-forty-five.
07:22Okay, everyone look away.
07:24Everyone look away.
07:24Okay, hold on.
07:25I'm going to turn off all the sound.
07:28I'm going right to five-forty-five in the video.
07:33Exactly what she asked for.
07:34Yeah.
07:35What is...
07:36Oh!
07:37Johnny, is that?
07:38Johnny, is that a drumstick?
07:40Oh!
07:41It's going to disappear.
07:44No, it's...
07:46I can't.
07:52It's going to make me vomit.
07:54No!
07:54No!
07:55No way!
08:05No way!
08:06Pure pressure is an amazing thing.
08:08Oh, my.
08:09Ah, look at it, Dave.
08:10Oh, my.
08:11I can't.
08:12I'm crying.
08:13Oh, wow.
08:13He's got all the things he's used in front of him.
08:17He's got his collection.
08:19Good day, sir.
08:19Five-forty-five was quite a choice.
08:21Thank you, Jade.
08:22Thank you for that.
08:24Five-forty-five.
08:26Oh, wow.
08:28I hate that I participated in that.
08:32Oh, I'm so glad.
08:34Oh, I almost puked.
08:35Oh, you did.
08:36That's the closest I've seen.
08:37I checked out.
08:38I mentally checked out.
08:39Yeah, I know.
08:39I am weeping.
08:40I can't stop weeping.
08:41I'm oddly unfazed.
08:43I know.
08:43That's another problem in itself.
08:45It just reminds me that I don't know how to use chopsticks.
08:49I can teach you.
08:53Oh, you two do whatever you want to do.
08:55That's not how you use them, guys.
08:57That's not how you use them.
08:58Oh, that's the only way I know how to use them right there.
09:01Meet me in the bathroom with some chopsticks, Court.
09:03I only use one.
09:04Oh, my God.
09:04Get you some drugs.
09:07Meet me in the bathroom.
09:08We'll use chopsticks.
09:09Oh, my God.
09:10Wow.
09:11There's too much going on here.
09:12There's too much going on.
09:12It's a lot.
09:13It is.
09:14We're going to have to take a break.
09:15Yeah.
09:15Yeah.
09:16Yeah.
09:16You almost threw up.
09:18My nose is running.
09:19My eyes are watering.
09:21My guess.
09:21I'm just going to throw this out there.
09:23But I would almost guarantee someone threw up listening to Dave almost throw up.
09:29Right?
09:30I mean, right?
09:31That was as close as I've seen it.
09:34I've seen him actually throw up.
09:36Well, I didn't listen to it with any audio.
09:40And I know we can't.
09:41Oh, no.
09:42We can't.
09:42But I'm sure one second of audio would make people throw up.
09:46Of that man?
09:47Yeah.
09:47I haven't listened.
09:49No.
09:50I can't imagine the sound.
09:51You didn't even see it go all the way.
09:55Where's it going?
09:56He's got to get to like 630 for that.
09:58Yeah.
09:59Yeah.
10:01Something else.
10:02What's that?
10:04All right.
10:05Well, there's two things for people to go find.
10:08Bang bus.
10:09Nine minutes of sounding.
10:10Oh, my.
10:11Enjoy yourself.
10:13Jason found it really fast.
10:15Radio Hall of Fame.
10:19Vote.
10:21I'll dedicate my career.
10:22Oh, my God.
10:24That's part of the sizzle reel.
10:25I want just you almost throwing up as like one of the things we play as an example.
10:31Don't say you didn't think.
10:34That's one of the things.
10:36Oh, I love it.
10:37I love the idea.
10:39Those are my thoughts, not yours.
10:41I'm Dave Hunter on Dave and Chuck the Freak.
10:44Videos, pictures, and more.
10:47Follow us on Instagram at Dave and Chuck the Freak.
10:50When we come back.
10:54My voice went to a dark place.
10:55Yeah.
10:56Throwing up has hurt me.
10:57Potentially almost throwing up.
10:58Yeah.
10:59Really?
10:59Throw up a little bit.
11:00I felt that.
11:01I can hear it.
11:02It was really close.
11:04Yeah.
11:04I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not.
11:06No.
11:06No.
11:06No.
11:06No.
11:06No.
11:06No.
11:08No.
11:08No.
11:08No.
11:08No.
11:08No.
11:08No.
11:08No.
11:10No.
11:10No.
11:10No.
11:12No.
11:12No.
11:13No.