- 2 days ago
John and Jenny dive into the disturbing intersections between militarism, psychology, and religion within Youth With A Mission (YWAM). Drawing parallels to early Pentecostal cults and authoritarian movements, they examine how “spiritual warfare” language and practices condition young minds for obedience and control. Jenny shares her firsthand experience of life inside YWAM—where teenagers are sent on “target missions,” sleep-deprived prayer watches, and told demons lurk in everyday objects—while John connects these patterns to the mind control methods of Branhamism and early revival cults like those of Frank Sanford and John Alexander Dowie. Together they expose how hyper-spiritualized fear, trauma bonding, and dissociation produce lifelong anxiety and religious PTSD, even as participants believe they are serving God.
______________________
Weaponized Religion: From Christian Identity to the NAR:
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Kindle: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DCGGZX3K
______________________
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______________________
Weaponized Religion: From Christian Identity to the NAR:
Paperback: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1735160962
Kindle: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DCGGZX3K
______________________
– Support the channel: https://www.patreon.com/branham
– Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBSpezVG15TVG-lOYMRXuyQ
– Visit the website: https://william-branham.org
– Follow on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/WilliamBranhamOrg
– Follow on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@william.m.branham
– Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/wmbhr
– Buy the books: https://william-branham.org/site/books
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00:30Hello, and welcome to another episode of the William Branham Historical Research Podcast.
00:00:36I'm your host, John Collins, the author and founder of William Branham Historical Research
00:00:41at william-branham.org, and with me I have my co-host and friend, Jenny McGrath, founder
00:00:47of Indwell Movement and Somatic Experiencing Practitioner.
00:00:51Jenny, it's good to be back and to talk about YWAM.
00:00:54There are so many questions that I have about the movement that I'm still kind of forming
00:01:00in my head my opinion.
00:01:01I don't have an opinion yet of YWAM, Youth with a Mission, for anybody who is unfamiliar.
00:01:07But when you see this group of kids and then you know all of the history of these different
00:01:12propaganda schemes and these mind control schemes from different groups that involve children,
00:01:18it raises so many questions.
00:01:20You can't, if you know history, you can't look at this and not question it.
00:01:24So I have all of these questions.
00:01:26I'm begging people to give answers, and you're one of the first who decided to come on the
00:01:32show regularly to give answers.
00:01:35So let me frame this for you from the Branham world that I grew up in, and it will make some
00:01:42sense with context, I think, with the world that you were in and Youth with a Mission.
00:01:46So whenever I was a little child and we were getting ready to go to Sunday school, while
00:01:52all of the other Christian churches were sending their kids to joyfully be in a Sunday school
00:01:59that's talking about Jesus and what Christ did for you, we were marching into our Sunday
00:02:07school room, and we were singing songs about marching and how we are in the Lord's army.
00:02:14We would do the things with all of the motions.
00:02:18You've probably seen this at some point, but it was a very militaristic child experience.
00:02:27And as a child, I didn't think anything of it.
00:02:30It was kind of cool.
00:02:30This was kind of fun.
00:02:32Whenever I became an adult through my teenage years and then later, I really didn't think
00:02:38anything of it.
00:02:39But that's just what we did, because that's what I did.
00:02:42Whenever I had children and they marched, I really didn't think about it.
00:02:47But after I left the movement and I started to realize that there were undertones of the
00:02:55movement that were very, very sinister, and there were connections to different movements
00:03:01that were very, very sinister.
00:03:02Some of them, which did involve actual weapons.
00:03:06And that history, I've given in a couple of the books.
00:03:09I won't go there in this podcast.
00:03:11But knowing that there was a military history connected to the movement, and then now you
00:03:16have these kids and this what is literally a mind control cult that are marching and using
00:03:22military themes.
00:03:23It raises so many questions about youth with a mission.
00:03:26I want to see if, is there some crossover between the militaristic aspects of what I grew
00:03:31up in and what developed into YWAM.
00:03:34So thank you for coming on.
00:03:36Let's talk about the military mindset of a child.
00:03:39Absolutely.
00:03:41So many thoughts come up.
00:03:44I did in Sunday school sing, you know, I may never...
00:03:50Same exact one.
00:03:52So that is the song.
00:03:53Yep.
00:03:53Yes, I know it well.
00:03:57And I was thinking as you were talking, I...
00:04:00For me, I feel like I grew up in a particular moment in time where I would say maybe the
00:04:09collective consciousness or psyche of the U.S., what was already at play for a long time
00:04:17and some of these undercurrents, I think, presented itself more apparent.
00:04:22And so for me, I was 11 years old when 9-11 happened and I remember it very, very vividly.
00:04:33And it was not a year later, I was with my dance troupe at the Colorado State Fair singing
00:04:40and dancing to a very violent country song about the red, white, and blue and putting a boot
00:04:48in your you-know-what.
00:04:50And I was 11, 12 at the time and embodying this militaristic force.
00:04:59And we had, like, American flag shirts from Old Navy on.
00:05:04And I didn't exactly dance at a Christian studio, but it became the first time where Christianity
00:05:13and military, for me, were really, really embedded in one another.
00:05:18So, at the time you were experiencing 9-11, that's about the same years that my children
00:05:24were marching in the church.
00:05:26Yeah.
00:05:27Yeah.
00:05:28And what was interesting was that I remember a lot of the Islamophobic rhetoric that I heard
00:05:38at the time, even as a kid, were talking about children being trained up to be, quote-unquote,
00:05:45about jihad terrorists.
00:05:47And I, myself, for whatever reason, have always been anti-war.
00:05:54And I remember as a kid being like, wait, so then why are we celebrating George W. Bush
00:06:01sending military over there?
00:06:03Shouldn't we be trying to figure out how to not go to war and how to not bomb civilians?
00:06:09And I often got told, like, you just don't understand how the world works.
00:06:13And from a very young age, I took the Bible and the words of Jesus very seriously.
00:06:20And to me, Jesus really presented as a pacifist.
00:06:24And so, it just, it could not make sense.
00:06:27But I think that there was the undercurrent of spiritual warfare, which I didn't realize
00:06:40at the time.
00:06:41And I didn't appreciate how that was also embedded with militaristic movements.
00:06:48The very first YWAM base I moved to right after I graduated high school was literally on
00:06:55an old military base.
00:06:56It still is on an old military base.
00:07:00And when I joined staff at another YWAM base, we had, quote-unquote, target nations, which
00:07:07is a very common thing for YWAM to call nations targets.
00:07:12And on all of this, there's, I think, very militaristic language.
00:07:18It gets justified because it is in the spiritual realm and it's about spiritual dominion.
00:07:25But when you actually look at the material impacts of a bunch of young, primarily white
00:07:32missionaries going and establishing businesses and nonprofits and churches in other nations,
00:07:38it ends up having, more or less, a very similar effect that imperialism and more of the hard
00:07:46power of imperialism does.
00:07:48Absolutely.
00:07:49And it ties to some weird history.
00:07:52I don't know if you're familiar with this history, but I have been studying the history
00:07:56of Pentecostalism, which birthed all of this mess that we see, and specifically studying
00:08:02the two main cults that Pentecostalism was based off of, whenever Charles Fox Parham created
00:08:08his sect in Kansas, he went to John Alexander Dowie's Zion City and tried to figure out how
00:08:16is this man making, what was it, 10, I think it was $10 million.
00:08:21It was like a half a billion dollars in today's money.
00:08:23How did he do this in 10 years?
00:08:24And then he also went to a sect that was in Maine, the cult following of Frank Sanford.
00:08:33Both were both faith healing type ministries, missionary type ministries.
00:08:40Frank Sanford was unusual in that his cult, because there was so much scandal with the,
00:08:49interestingly, the issues in the mines.
00:08:52There was a young lady who went crazy, and it made national news in his sect, because
00:08:58they were very, very authoritarian.
00:09:01Well, whenever it looked like there was about to be some legal action taken against him,
00:09:06he took his entire cult following, bought two big yachts, and started sailing the world
00:09:13to target specific nations.
00:09:15And they would go up onto the shores.
00:09:18I think I did mention this with you in the last podcast, but I didn't go this deep with
00:09:22it.
00:09:22They would go up near the shores, not even to the shores, but near it, and preach at
00:09:28the continent.
00:09:30And so, you know, they're not making any effect.
00:09:33If you're considering this spreading the gospel, there's not a single person that could hear
00:09:37them.
00:09:37So they're not actually spreading the gospel.
00:09:40But it's more the idea that they're in this spiritual battle.
00:09:44Nobody can see it.
00:09:45Nobody can feel it.
00:09:46And even the people who they're targeting have no idea that they're a spiritual warrior for
00:09:54the enemy side, right?
00:09:55But from the flip side of this, what happens to the brain whenever you take something that you can't see, you can't feel, but you're told is there.
00:10:09So there's this enemy we can't see.
00:10:11We're told that it's there.
00:10:13We have to believe it.
00:10:14Take it a step further.
00:10:15Now we're fighting the enemy.
00:10:17We don't know we're fighting it.
00:10:19How are we fighting it?
00:10:20We're just simply praying, singing, whatever, the chants, whatever we're doing.
00:10:25It takes your, basically it separates your mind from reality.
00:10:29And the moment in which your mind separates from reality is when it is most susceptible to mind control.
00:10:36A person can literally take your brain and hijack it once you have separated from reality.
00:10:41And again, this is early 1900s.
00:10:44I think it was around 1910, if I remember correctly, that they actually did the sailing.
00:10:50So Pentecostalism had already been birthed by this point.
00:10:54And then they sailed the world, did the spiritual warfare thing.
00:10:58And they were under such authoritarian control.
00:11:02One of the ships capsized.
00:11:04So they lost most of their supplies.
00:11:07Those who survived the capsize went on to the other yacht and sailed back for Maine.
00:11:13And without enough food for the people.
00:11:16And the cult leader was not about to go without food.
00:11:20He lived like a king.
00:11:21So when they made it to the shores, he walked out in his fancy suit.
00:11:26And he's fully flushed.
00:11:28And he looks perfect.
00:11:30The people who came to rescue them said that the entire crew looked like they were skeletons with skin wrapped around them.
00:11:36So they had not eaten.
00:11:38They were scurvy on board.
00:11:39And this guy walks out in his fancy suit just like nothing ever happened.
00:11:44And he was under that level of control of his people that they even starved themselves without throwing him over the side of the ship.
00:11:52So all of this to say, once you engage in the spiritual warfare, it is dangerous because someone can take over your mind.
00:11:59Yeah, I find myself asking this question, and I'm not a sociologist, although I love studying social sciences, but I love the phrase conditions of possibility.
00:12:13You know, what are the conditions of possibility that create these vacuums and these cults and enable them to happen in the first place?
00:12:23And I think one of the things that comes to mind is that that sounds so isolating.
00:12:31And I know that that is part of the experience in YWAM, in that to enter into YWAM, you have to do what's called a discipleship training school, which is five months.
00:12:44And it includes three months lecture and then two months outreach.
00:12:49And, you know, I was 18 years old when I did my outreach in the red light district of Thailand, seeing and experiencing some incredibly traumatic things.
00:13:04And then I came home to my quote-unquote normal 18-year-old girlfriends talking about boy drama.
00:13:13And I was like, I cannot relate.
00:13:16Like, there is no part of me that gets why you think this is important right now.
00:13:22And so it just became the sense of these are the only people that understand.
00:13:27These are the only people that know how important it is.
00:13:30And so then it became easy to give up food and things like that, you know.
00:13:37And I'm thinking as you're talking, it's really not that dissimilar from a lot of the hierarchy I experienced in YWAM, where I was paying thousands of dollars to do different schools in YWAM.
00:13:51And in one of them, I was in South Africa.
00:13:53And for months, we were eating lettuce and mayonnaise for most of our meals and maybe bread and peanut butter and lots and lots of rooibos tea.
00:14:05And then occasionally, we would go to the houses of people that were on leadership team of YWAM International.
00:14:15And this, you know, single person living in this five-bedroom house telling us to close the windows because the baboons are going to come in from the forest that they live right near.
00:14:27And I'm just like, the immediate cognitive dissonance even in that to be like, wow, you must have a lot of supporters.
00:14:34Or, you know, you must have a really strong church supporting you, whereas I was, like, agonizing trying to live off of $200 a month because it's really hard to get people to pay you to be a missionary.
00:14:48And so, I think that I can really relate to that, where it's like, if you are one of those quote-unquote foot soldiers, if we stay in line with more militaristic language, those who are the generals or the captains, so to speak, are the ones who aren't tending to do that amount of suffering.
00:15:08And I think there is, again, I don't know enough, I'm not in the brains of each person to know.
00:15:18I tend to be an optimist and a cynic at the same time, but I don't think that people are born predators.
00:15:27I think that people become people who prey on others because of conditions of possibility that make them that way because of lack of accountability.
00:15:38Because of these systems that create hierarchies that push people in to different roles or things that they may not have in another context.
00:15:49I have multiple family members on both sides of my family who have mental health issues of some kind.
00:15:57And some of it is quite mild, but there are some extremes.
00:16:01And so, I have seen everything from the mild to the extremes.
00:16:04The mild, generally, in thinking through the people that I'm aware of, they are mild because of their situation.
00:16:13They're in a very comfortable situation.
00:16:15They are, if medication is required, I don't think they all require it.
00:16:19But those who do are taking the medication and they live comfortable, healthy lives.
00:16:24On the other extreme, you have people who are in environments that aren't so calm.
00:16:32And also, they are in situations where their medicine is not taken as should be.
00:16:38And this is especially the case in a divine healing movement.
00:16:41Because God has healed me.
00:16:43I feel good once the medicine takes effect.
00:16:46And then I stop taking it because now I feel better.
00:16:48Didn't God just heal me?
00:16:49That's usually the cycle that repeats and repeats and repeats.
00:16:54In those weird instances, not many people are aware of this.
00:16:58But when your mind goes into the altered state from these types of mental health disorders,
00:17:05and this is not my opinion.
00:17:07This is a study you can actually read about this.
00:17:10You become heightened spiritually.
00:17:13There are people who think that they are Jesus when they get in this weird situation.
00:17:18And I'm laughing.
00:17:19It's actually sad.
00:17:20But I'm laughing because I have seen some of the funny things that happen whenever these
00:17:24people think they're Jesus.
00:17:25And it's hard not to laugh with them.
00:17:27But it's hard because you want to cry at the same time that you're laughing.
00:17:33It's funny, sad, all at the same time.
00:17:35So this is one of the burdens that I have to deal with.
00:17:38And I have seen this time and time again.
00:17:41I look at the leadership that have turned into authoritarian cult leaders, and there's this
00:17:47wide variety of people.
00:17:48There are those who did admit to having mental health disorders.
00:17:53So William Branham mentioned every seven years, he was even hospitalized a few times for his
00:17:58mental health issues.
00:17:59And yet they're in a religion where when you reach that level of extremism and that level
00:18:06of, I hate to use the word, but that level of insanity, the people who are in this spiritual
00:18:14state where they have this altered sense of reality, they see that as actually, they see
00:18:19the mental health issues as actually the Holy Spirit.
00:18:23They start thinking, wow, this person, he's crazy.
00:18:25He doesn't act like the rest of the world.
00:18:27He must be filled with the Holy Spirit.
00:18:29And so they all try to gather around the crazy guy.
00:18:32And this appears to happen quite frequently if you study through the history of cult leaders.
00:18:37So I'm looking at all of this.
00:18:40And then I'm looking at, like you said, the environmental conditions.
00:18:44This is something that I have studied.
00:18:46If you study different developing nations and study the, not just the culture, but the state
00:18:53of mental health medication and access to medication, you find that in the developing nations, it's,
00:19:00it is a widespread problem.
00:19:02It's, it's not quite a pandemic, but it is a huge problem.
00:19:05And yet these are the nations that are being targeted by youth with a mission, by apostolic
00:19:11faith missions, by Branhamism, by all of these different groups.
00:19:15And I have talked to people in those countries who say, it's crazy, John, there are so many
00:19:21cults here that it is like a breeding ground for cults.
00:19:25So I try to see how much of this can be connected to the mental health issues.
00:19:31How much is it because of, is there a strategy behind the missions?
00:19:36What is it?
00:19:37And I always come back to this, they're sending people on a mission often for, the mission
00:19:44itself is just for the people who are being sent, not so much as the people they're sent
00:19:49to, which is really weird if you think about it.
00:19:52But I have come to the conclusion that that seems to be the case.
00:19:56Absolutely.
00:19:57Yeah.
00:19:58And I talk about this a little bit in my book as well, that there's often the platitude.
00:20:04We were more blessed to give, you know, and that's not actually said in the gravity that
00:20:12it deserves, because it absolutely is, I think, more about those who are going than it is those
00:20:20who are receiving.
00:20:23And I have been really impacted by the work of a professor, Feroz Manji, and he says, you
00:20:32cannot fight poverty, what you can fight is those who make people poor.
00:20:38And he's been researching a quote-unquote development work in Africa for many, many, many years now.
00:20:45And a lot of times, I think this is the same in the missionary world, where it's, we're going
00:20:50to help these people that are quote-unquote less fortunate.
00:20:54And there's never a question as to the history of imperialism and capitalism and colonialism
00:21:02that has undeveloped these nations and how being able to fundraise in churches and communities
00:21:11that have extra hundreds of dollars, thousands of dollars to give in the first place is part
00:21:17of what it means to be in a world where there is wealth disparity and income disparity.
00:21:25And so, I think there is a part of it where it becomes almost like conscious laundering.
00:21:32Like, I can feel good about coming home and taking a break and going on sabbatical because
00:21:36I've gone and served so much, rather than how do I look at dismantling these systems that
00:21:43continue to perpetuate injustice in these worlds.
00:21:47And I think especially if you spiritualize that injustice, then it causes you not to look
00:21:54at billionaires or the systems that we live in that create these power vacuums and these
00:22:03social service vacuums.
00:22:05Yeah, that's exactly where I was headed.
00:22:08So, you go out on this mission, you're going to a nation, developing nation.
00:22:12And you see some sort of a person who's quote unquote filled with the spirit, but really
00:22:20they're in a mental episode.
00:22:22To the people who are on the mission, they see this as, oh my gosh, this person's filled
00:22:26with the spirit.
00:22:27Look what I've done.
00:22:27I'm on this mission.
00:22:28I've did this thing.
00:22:29To the people who are leading it, I think some of them have to recognize because some
00:22:34of them, they themselves might even have some issues.
00:22:37So, they realize what's going on, but there's this weird thing where if you are in leadership
00:22:44in these movements and you send somebody out and you can make the person who's giving
00:22:50the blessing be blessed, then it feels like you have done your job because you're there
00:22:55not only for the people that you're sending on the mission to, but you're there for those
00:23:00who are being sent.
00:23:01So, they can also rise up in the spirit or whatever.
00:23:04So, there's this weird vicious cycle that happens.
00:23:07And the reason I mentioned the mental health at the landing party, wherever they're headed,
00:23:13those people, some of them have had issues and people surrounding them have seen these
00:23:20issues, but they never really put it into context because they, in developing nations,
00:23:26don't understand the mental health.
00:23:27So, they see this and, oh, these people are coming and they say, this is a good thing
00:23:31that this person is acting a little bit off.
00:23:34And so, they start to say, well, I too want to act a little bit off.
00:23:39So, in the charismatic circles, Pentecostal circles, they teach them how to, in Branhamism,
00:23:45we use the term nut, which is offensive, but Branham would say things specifically like, they
00:23:52call us nuts, but you need the nuts to hold the bolts together or your car will fall apart.
00:23:57Those are the kind of things that we grew up hearing.
00:24:01So, there's this weird vicious cycle that happens.
00:24:03You have people who are acting crazy because they're in their religious euphoria.
00:24:08You have people who are around the religious euphoria who are suffering and they're struggling.
00:24:14All of this to a group of adult missionaries.
00:24:19An adult missionary can kind of see this and kind of discern, okay, this person needs help.
00:24:23Let's get him some real help.
00:24:25Let's get him some meds.
00:24:27But take, you know, 18-year-old children.
00:24:30I'm not certain that that's the case.
00:24:33Whenever you saw, did you ever see anything like this?
00:24:35Did you ever see people who are struggling?
00:24:38Yeah.
00:24:38Yeah.
00:24:39I was actually just having a conversation with a friend recently about this and that I absolutely
00:24:47think that there are those instances and there's a book I really love called Crazy Like Us and
00:24:56it makes me hesitant to take kind of Western diagnoses and put them on other countries or
00:25:03other contexts because I think there's so much nuance there of what is cultural, what is
00:25:09so many things that are, that I don't want to always pathologize.
00:25:15So, I just want to give that disclaimer.
00:25:18And, you know, I remember being in so many contexts either in the States or abroad where
00:25:26people were getting quote-unquote slain in the spirit and they were writhing and it was
00:25:32either, you know, they were either slain in the spirit or they were possessed by a demon
00:25:36but it looked the same and so it seemed like it was up to the religious leader of the service
00:25:42to determine what was happening if they were being slain by the spirit or if it was a demon
00:25:46and I don't know what to do with those experiences.
00:25:52You know, the closest I can get in some ways is Emile Durkheim's phrase, collective effervescence,
00:26:00that there is something in us that can get stirred up when we are in a collective frenzy
00:26:05space.
00:26:07And as we talked about last time, there is so much manipulation with the way that worship
00:26:12music is played, the way that prayer is.
00:26:14I've, I had like people literally pushing on my head to get me to fall down and, and at
00:26:19times I'd be like, okay, I guess I'll just lay down because you're just going to push
00:26:23me over and I'll just lay here for a little bit and then get up.
00:26:26And then I would be like, how many other people are doing this too?
00:26:30How many people are having, um, a seizure?
00:26:33You know, there's so many different things that it could be.
00:26:37And, um, and I find those, uh, environments very concerning because they really do, um, make
00:26:46people susceptible to whatever the person who is on the pulpit is going to be saying that.
00:26:54Have you ever wondered how the Pentecostal movement started or how the progression of
00:26:59modern Pentecostalism transitioned through the latter reign, charismatic and other fringe
00:27:05movements into the new apostolic reformation?
00:27:08You can learn this and more on William Branham Historical Research's website,
00:27:12william-branham.org.
00:27:15On the books page of the website, you can find the compiled research of John Collins, Charles
00:27:20Paisley, Stephen Montgomery, John McKinnon, and others with links to the paper, audio, and
00:27:27digital versions of each book.
00:27:29You can also find resources and documentation on various people and topics related to those
00:27:35movements.
00:27:36If you want to contribute to the cause, you can support the podcast by clicking the contribute
00:27:41button at the top.
00:27:42And as always, be sure to like and subscribe to the audio or video version that you're listening
00:27:47to or watching.
00:27:49On behalf of William Branham Historical Research, we want to thank you for your support.
00:27:54It's interesting you talk about slain in the spirit.
00:27:56So that's something we did not have in the churches that I attended.
00:27:59In fact, we condemned it.
00:28:01We said, this is all show.
00:28:02This is all fake.
00:28:03And what's interesting is I have come full circle.
00:28:06So I left the cult.
00:28:09I started, I actually had a really good friend who was helping me as I was leaving the cult
00:28:13who was in another cult.
00:28:16And I didn't know it at the time, but he had gone to a Benny Hinn concert and he was saying,
00:28:21I was standing there, John.
00:28:23And he did his thing.
00:28:24I don't know.
00:28:25He slung his coat or whatever.
00:28:26And he says, suddenly the power of God just struck me down and I fell on the floor backwards.
00:28:32And I'm like, did it hurt?
00:28:34And he was expecting a religious response from me.
00:28:38And I'm just logically thinking, oh my gosh, I can't believe they're doing this to people.
00:28:42What if somebody gets injured?
00:28:43That's the thought that came into my head.
00:28:46And so I go down these weird rabbit trails of research.
00:28:50So I started researching slain in the spirit because this is a big deal for me.
00:28:54If this is real and my friend, I trust my friend, you know, I don't think he was lying.
00:28:59If he really fell over and really believed that the power struck him down, what is the
00:29:04explanation for this?
00:29:05Because I knew it wasn't God.
00:29:07This is not the way God works.
00:29:09So I began studying it and we talked last time or the time before about the neurological
00:29:17disassociation.
00:29:19That's one of the explanations.
00:29:21I have seen people who get in such a hyped up euphoria that their brain just literally
00:29:26disconnects.
00:29:27And that's one of the explanations.
00:29:29There are people that just get into the state where their brain shuts off.
00:29:33They, yes, you're going to fall over because your brain just shut off.
00:29:37Your motor functions aren't working, right?
00:29:39But there's more to it than that.
00:29:41There are just other contributing factors.
00:29:45So some people stand with their knees locked.
00:29:47You're cutting off your circulation.
00:29:49Or if you're in a strong, hyped up sense of fear, whenever the, when the guy's approaching
00:29:56you and he's going to sling his coat at you, it's going to scare you because you're going
00:29:59to be like, I've never fell over backwards.
00:30:02Am I going to get hurt?
00:30:03Right?
00:30:03So the blood pressure goes up.
00:30:05And if your knees are locked, you could, without even a disassociation, you could just simply
00:30:11fall over because your blood pressure drops so quickly.
00:30:14I'm, uh, you know, I've seen some weird things around this area, but the power of suggestion
00:30:22is the other thing that I have seen the power of suggestion.
00:30:25I have seen what it can do to people.
00:30:27I actually, I've never talked about this before, but in one of my high school classes, and I
00:30:34don't remember which one, but I was hypnotized.
00:30:36And this was a very weird thing.
00:30:39Uh, like the teacher came in and just hypnotized four of us.
00:30:42I got picked to be hypnotized.
00:30:44She sat down in a chair and I was hypnotized and we were asked to take one finger, our index
00:30:52finger, each of the four children put under her, under her thighs and under her underarm.
00:30:59So I was under her underarm and with the tip of our finger, just like this much of it,
00:31:03we picked up a 200 pound woman and afterwards we're thinking, there's no way that we can
00:31:11do this.
00:31:11That's a superhuman feat, right?
00:31:14But the funny part about it is my brain is so different from everybody else.
00:31:19And I've studied this too.
00:31:20Not everybody.
00:31:21There's like one in four that you can't program their heads.
00:31:24So as we're in the state of hypnosis and I clearly remember entering into it.
00:31:31And then I remember nothing until I'm thinking as she's up above, literally above my head,
00:31:38right?
00:31:38I started to think, you know, this isn't physically possible.
00:31:42And the moment I thought this, my finger could no longer support her weight and down she went
00:31:48on the floor.
00:31:49It's a wonder she didn't get injured, but that's the power of hypnosis and the power of suggestion.
00:31:54And working with Dr. Stephen Hassan, he has gone through, and I think this is in his book,
00:32:02Combating Cult Mind Control.
00:32:04There are hypnotic techniques in the speeches of these men before they come and sling their
00:32:09coats.
00:32:10So there are so many different elements to the slain in the spirit, all of which are fully
00:32:15explainable.
00:32:16But to the person who falls over, they think it's unexplainable, and they believe it.
00:32:22And it all comes back to the spiritual warfare.
00:32:25This is a, you're fighting a demon that doesn't exist.
00:32:29You're slinging a coat to slay the spirit of a person.
00:32:33And yes, the person may have a spirit if you're a Christian and you believe this, but what does
00:32:38slaying it do?
00:32:39You're not really slaying the person or his spirit.
00:32:41You're just causing them to fall over, and you might cause them to be injured.
00:32:46Yeah, it makes me think of this sort of hilarious and embarrassing example.
00:32:52I was with my husband and my brother and sister-in-law, and we were in this quirky store in Seattle.
00:32:58And I saw these fun glasses, and I put them on.
00:33:01And I was like, oh my gosh.
00:33:03And I lower them, and I lift them, and I lower them, and I lift them.
00:33:05I was like, oh my gosh, I think I might need glasses.
00:33:08And my husband put them on, and he's like, oh my gosh, I think I might need glasses too.
00:33:14And my brother comes over and sticks his finger through the glass.
00:33:17There was not even a lens in there.
00:33:20But we had both convinced ourselves, because we had glasses, we could see better through them.
00:33:26And who knows, maybe there was something about it, like obscuring vision or something.
00:33:30But our brains are so susceptible to influence and to being influenced.
00:33:39And I think especially when we don't have places we can go to reality test and be like, hey, was that weird?
00:33:48Because if you say that, then that is questioning whoever the spiritual authority was for that service.
00:33:56And then you're sowing discord, and then you're, you know, all of these things that are, I think part of that manipulation is just baked into the community of don't question, don't dissent, don't have an issue.
00:34:14Because as soon as people start having issue or questioning, it seems like they just disappear.
00:34:20And all of a sudden they're gone, and we're praying for them and wishing them well.
00:34:24But it's never, but what happened to them?
00:34:26Where did they go?
00:34:27Why did they leave?
00:34:29And so I think it is really, it's this, it appears and feels like a very, very close community.
00:34:38But you also, I think on a visceral level, know how precarious it is.
00:34:44And you know that once you start going, wait, hey, this isn't possible.
00:34:48Wait, this doesn't make sense.
00:34:50Like your teacher, the whole thing is going to fall down.
00:34:53It's one of those weird stories.
00:34:55I've got a million weird stories that people just, the stuff that's in my head, you wouldn't believe it.
00:35:00But what really bothers me, so after this happened, I'm thinking analytically, analytically, logically, I can't hold this person up.
00:35:10They fall to the ground, and that's that.
00:35:13I was not traumatized because my brain had actually worked.
00:35:18The other three were like, did you see that?
00:35:22I'm Superman.
00:35:23I have the superpower.
00:35:24You know, it affected them after the event, and in the situation that we were in, this was not a scary thing.
00:35:32This was, it was even set up to, watch, you're going to be amazed.
00:35:37It was like a magic trick.
00:35:38We're going to do a magic trick.
00:35:40And so the people enjoyed it.
00:35:42Afterwards, they thought they were Superman.
00:35:44That's literally how this was.
00:35:45However, once you start considering the mindset and the framing of how spiritual warfare works, you're taking people who, number one, they believe it or they wouldn't be there in the first place.
00:36:02Number two, if they're young adults or children, YWAM, some of the other groups, they believe it because they're being told they must believe it, and many of them do.
00:36:14It causes fear.
00:36:16So take that same scenario.
00:36:19I'm under this weird hypnosis that I never even signed up to be.
00:36:23My parents would have been mortified if they knew that I was being hypnotized in school, right?
00:36:27Right.
00:36:27It's such a weird thing.
00:36:30But if it had not been as a joke, if we had all been scared that she was some sorceress, and watch, I'm going to do this wizardry on your head, and be afraid of me, be afraid, because there's spirits among this room.
00:36:45Instead of walking away thinking they were Superman, the children would have been traumatized.
00:36:51And this person, this teacher, would have been sued.
00:36:55All the parents would have said, you traumatized my child in your classroom.
00:36:58I'm actually surprised you didn't get sued anyway.
00:37:01But now we're doing the same thing in church.
00:37:05There are men and women who are hypnotizing other people to various degrees.
00:37:10They are causing disassociation through the spiritual warfare.
00:37:15They're doing it in a context of fear.
00:37:18There are demons.
00:37:19There are real demons out there.
00:37:20What it does to the mind of an adult, I have seen because I have felt it.
00:37:26You're in this type of mindset.
00:37:28You're scared of the demons.
00:37:29And you are traumatized.
00:37:31It causes real trauma.
00:37:32People develop cult PTSD from this.
00:37:36What I don't know, because my indoctrination was different.
00:37:42I was indoctrinated from birth on up to age 37, and then I left.
00:37:48And I deal with the trauma.
00:37:50I still deal with the trauma.
00:37:51But somebody like you, who went and got almost instantly traumatized at one of these groups in Youth with a Mission,
00:37:59it has to be different.
00:38:00What did it do to your head when they did this?
00:38:03It's interesting.
00:38:04I think it was definitely different, and I think that there were—so part of my story that feels important is I grew up in Colorado Springs,
00:38:16and my family went to a pretty middle-of-the-road, non-denominational church.
00:38:22But by the time I was in middle school, and especially high school, I spent a lot of my time at Ted Haggard's New Life Church,
00:38:32which was very, very, very charismatic.
00:38:35And so, I was familiar with these worlds.
00:38:39And even then, my parents were not charismatic.
00:38:43And so, they were like, wait, where are you going?
00:38:45What's happening?
00:38:46And I felt conflict in myself always, because I had kind of my family experience of a more traditional fundamentalist world.
00:38:59And then I was stepping into where my friends went to church in these more Pentecostal spaces.
00:39:05And so, I had seen that, and to some extent, you know, I think I believed in spiritual warfare from a pretty young age.
00:39:22And I also believed in, you know, I read the Bible, and I took it very literally.
00:39:28And so, as a kid, I would be like, God, why aren't you showing yourself to me like you did to these prophets in the Old Testament?
00:39:35And agonizing over that nightly, and really, really desperately wanted some type of revelation and extreme movement.
00:39:47And so, I think on one hand, because of a lifetime of dissociation, I felt very familiar in YWAM.
00:40:00It was a different breed of dissociation.
00:40:05But by the time I was in high school, I was often asking my parents,
00:40:09what does that mean when you feel like you're dreaming?
00:40:12And they were like, we have no idea what you're talking about.
00:40:15And it wasn't until I learned about dissociation that I was like, wow, most of my life makes sense now.
00:40:21But I struggled with dissociation from personal trauma and religious trauma from a really young age.
00:40:28And so, I think that that is part of what I use the language groomed me to become a missionary.
00:40:36Because I think that those who already have a precarious grasp on reality tend to find their way into cults.
00:40:47Because it is more psychologically taxing to say, my brain sees the world, quote unquote, wrong, than the world is wrong.
00:40:59And so, we, I think, are feeling beings who think less than we are thinking beings who feel.
00:41:08And so, we will constantly seek out and create an external reality that matches our internal reality.
00:41:16So, if our internal reality feels chaotic and confusing, we're actually going to feel more at home in a reality that feels chaotic and confusing.
00:41:26And you can talk to almost anyone who has chronic anxiety.
00:41:30They'll talk about when 2020 hit and everyone freaked out.
00:41:34They were, like, calm.
00:41:35Because they're like, yeah, we've been telling you we should be worried about everything all the time.
00:41:40And so, there's something weirdly soothing when you are in these altered spaces because it actually mirrors your own mirror neurons in your brain.
00:41:52Where you're like, oh, okay, yeah, this actually feels better for me.
00:41:57And so, for me, it wasn't until trying to come out of that world.
00:42:02And one of my therapists said, I think I maybe mentioned this last time.
00:42:06She's like, it's like you had the opposite of a psychotic break.
00:42:10And once I started to get more in touch with reality, what was honestly one of the things that was most traumatic for me was immediately losing people that had been incredibly close to me.
00:42:24And feeling like we no longer exist on the same planet.
00:42:29We are so separate from each other.
00:42:32And in some ways, I consider myself very fortunate because I left by the time I was 25.
00:42:38And I was in graduate school.
00:42:41And so, I had opportunity to leave.
00:42:45And I think part of what is so insidious and traumatizing is that when people have been professional Christians their whole lives and don't have work experience or degrees or things like that, it becomes incredibly difficult to leave those worlds.
00:43:02Every time you talk, there's just a hundred different things that I want to talk about.
00:43:06I'm actually starting to write them down now because there are just so many of them.
00:43:10I want to do an entire podcast on cult-related anxiety because this is something that's very deep and important to me.
00:43:17I did not realize that I did not realize that I was anxious and growing up in this, actually in the same classroom, I wish I could remember which it was.
00:43:27I think it might have been psychology or sociology.
00:43:30But in that same classroom where this lady hypnotized us without our parents' permission, we had to take some sort of a test where we were describing how anxious we were.
00:43:42I was like off the scales, apparently.
00:43:45But according to every answer that I gave, I was completely mild.
00:43:51And she actually talked to me after the class and said, John, I don't think you answered correctly.
00:43:59And so, I had this self-induced air about me that I was not going to be struggling with any of these things because I'm in a divine healing cult.
00:44:08God has healed me.
00:44:09I'm better than this.
00:44:10But I was really anxious.
00:44:11And what she didn't know was that I was in a doomsday cult where the fear of the end of days was every single time I walked into that building.
00:44:22End of world is going to come.
00:44:24Well, what if it happens while I'm here?
00:44:25My parents are at home.
00:44:26How do I connect with my parents?
00:44:28What if the rapture comes?
00:44:29What if they're flying up into the air and I'm trapped in this building and I can't fly through the roof?
00:44:34I mean, there's all of these weird things like you don't know.
00:44:37The unknown is the biggest fear, right?
00:44:40So, I was very anxious.
00:44:43Fast forward.
00:44:45So, this is a teetotaling cult.
00:44:47There's no alcohol.
00:44:48You're taught that even a little sip is going to put you down into hell.
00:44:52Well, after I left this and came to realize, I came through study, I came to realize that the anti-alcohol position is actually anti-biblical position.
00:45:03They're drinking wine, they're drinking, I read the, I think it's the antiquities of the Jews, and I think that's where this came from.
00:45:12But David, King David would say things like in his ancient language, before they go into battle, sober up, boys, because we're going to go fight.
00:45:20And there was alcohol, there was wine, there was strong liquor, and there are words for this all throughout the Bible.
00:45:28So, I came to the point where I recognized that it's actually more against the Bible to condemn somebody for drinking than it is to drink.
00:45:36All this to say, I went on a business meeting down into Atlanta.
00:45:41I've mentioned this a few times in the podcast.
00:45:43And it was at this open bar with nothing but top shelf.
00:45:47And here I am, I don't drink, I don't want to drink, but I'm at a table where when you sat down, they poured you a drink, whether you asked for it or not, and just sat there.
00:45:57And I'm the only one on this big round table that's not drinking, and I'm out of the mindset.
00:46:02I no longer think it's wrong to drink.
00:46:04I just don't want to, I had no need to.
00:46:07And I was convinced to try a little bit of the wine that was on the table.
00:46:11So, I did, took a few sips.
00:46:13Up to this point, and I'm 37 years old, 38 years old at this point, the anxiety was so stressful on my head that it felt like needles were going in and out of my brain at all times.
00:46:2824-7, I couldn't sleep.
00:46:30During the day, I had this, I had a headache the entire, my entire life.
00:46:35I just had a headache.
00:46:36That's how it was.
00:46:37So, I had a little bit of wine.
00:46:40And then, that evening, suddenly, I had no more pressure.
00:46:45And I thought, no, it can't be that wine.
00:46:47So, the next day, while everybody's thinking about the business and the meetings and I should be networking, I'm actually more thinking about, I wonder if it's that wine.
00:46:58And so, I tried a little bit more the next evening.
00:47:00It was completely gone for like two or three days.
00:47:03And so, I got home, I told my wife that I think I'm going to buy a bottle and see if this fixes it.
00:47:09And she thinks that I've lost my mind.
00:47:12So, I buy a bottle.
00:47:14It is the nastiest stuff.
00:47:16I don't like drinking.
00:47:17I drank just a little bit of a glass once a week.
00:47:21I was able to come off my depression meds.
00:47:25My depression was anxiety related.
00:47:27I did not have the anxiety.
00:47:29The wine was cutting the anxiety is what was happening.
00:47:32And I realized after all of this that the anxiety that I had, even though I did have hereditary issues, there was more caused by the cult that I had escaped.
00:47:46I was in this mindset.
00:47:48The anxiety had set in.
00:47:49The constant fear had set in.
00:47:51I was programmed to fear.
00:47:54And what's interesting is after I was able to release that anxiety, release that fear, because I'm no longer in this cult that is, you know, preaching doomsday my entire life, I went several years.
00:48:07I didn't drink anything.
00:48:08I just, I don't enjoy it.
00:48:10I still don't enjoy it.
00:48:11Every once in a while, I'll have a little bit of a drink.
00:48:14But all this to say, the anxiety was programmed into me.
00:48:18And so this is the other reason why I really wanted to get you on and talk about Youth with a Mission, because most of my anxiety was programmed when I was about the age that you're describing.
00:48:29That makes so much sense to me.
00:48:30And, you know, I mentioned earlier, I was 11 when 9-11 happened.
00:48:36And it was earlier that year on that same television I had watched Left Behind with my family.
00:48:46So as a kid watching these planes run into these buildings, my first thought was, oh, my God, these pilots were just raptured, and I'm still here.
00:48:58And that was my biggest fear.
00:49:00And I went through the rest of the day thinking the rapture happened, and I just got left behind.
00:49:05And I had no concept of what was going on.
00:49:09And that was a constant fear for me.
00:49:14And I think of, you know, from a somatic lens, if we are in a constant state of what we would call our fight-flight mode or our freeze-appease mode in our nervous system,
00:49:30which, to me, the teaching of hell to young children or young adults or really anyone is a teaching of an inescapable threat.
00:49:43There's nothing you can do to run away.
00:49:46There's nothing you can do to fight this off.
00:49:48It's coming for you.
00:49:49That will affect our nervous system and put us into a state of survival mode.
00:49:57And we are wired to go into a fight, a flight, a freeze response.
00:50:04That's how our ancestors survived.
00:50:06That's how we survived.
00:50:08We are not wired to spend days, weeks, months, decades in a stress response cycle.
00:50:16And so when our body is in those states, our immune system stops working.
00:50:23We stop producing fresh red blood cells.
00:50:26Our microbiome shuts down.
00:50:29And it becomes this feedback loop where our body says, I'm not well.
00:50:33So then we feel anxious.
00:50:35And then we, and it just, that cycle repeats itself.
00:50:40And it's incredibly insidious.
00:50:42And I think it feeds from an environment as well of you're not only responsible for your own soul.
00:50:52You're responsible for the billions of souls out there that don't know Christ.
00:50:56So, how dare you take a nap?
00:50:58How dare you watch a movie and enjoy it?
00:51:01And, you know, I was really, really influenced by Francis Chan when I was in high school.
00:51:08And I remember he had a YouTube video talking about his grandma's, like, they were watching a play.
00:51:13And she was like, I don't want to watch this play because what if I'm here when Jesus comes back?
00:51:18And this isn't what I want to be doing.
00:51:20And again, I took that to heart.
00:51:22And I'm like, yeah, every second I need to be waiting and ready for Jesus to return.
00:51:27And then when I wasn't, I would feel incredible shame and guilt for that.
00:51:36And so then it only upped the ante for how much I needed to do the next time around.
00:51:42Yeah, the fear of hell, that's another one.
00:51:45I do have that one in my list because I'm of the same opinion.
00:51:49And I think I mentioned this also in the last podcast.
00:51:53Martin Luther said, why would we preach this?
00:51:56None of my people want to go there.
00:51:58Let's talk about heaven instead.
00:51:59And I'm kind of of that mindset.
00:52:02You don't train children by walking around with a belt saying, I'm going to beat you if you don't be good.
00:52:07You instead teach them how to be good and to want to be good.
00:52:12And that's just, you know, the mindset is just completely backwards.
00:52:15But the anxiety, so what I was building up to is this anxiety is real.
00:52:21The anxiety is induced and it causes cult PTSD.
00:52:26There are so many consequences of the way that they're teaching the spiritual warfare.
00:52:33Spiritual warfare has this effect on you that will cause this anxiety and it's debilitating.
00:52:38There came a point in my life whenever I was struggling to function, the anxiety got so severe.
00:52:46Would you say that the spiritual warfare that you, the doctrines that you experienced,
00:52:54the, I'm assuming there are activities that you participated in that involve spiritual warfare,
00:53:00would you say any of these contributed to anxiety issues for the children who were there?
00:53:06Absolutely.
00:53:08Yeah.
00:53:08You know, I remember speaking of alcohol, I remember having a conversation with a woman when I had just joined
00:53:16Twiwam and she was talking about being at a restaurant or a bar or something.
00:53:20And she's like, and I saw the waiter grab a can of beer and a demon went onto the can of beer.
00:53:29And so I was like, oh my gosh, what else are demons attached to?
00:53:32And we would have, you know, when we'd have these target nations or these spiritual strongholds
00:53:40that we were supposed to do battle for in the spiritual realm, we would have 28, 48, 72 hour
00:53:49prayer things, intercession happen for them.
00:53:55And you would sign up for like a two hour slot and maybe that two hour slot was two to four
00:54:01in the morning and, and you'd walk into this room and people are screaming at the demonic
00:54:08strongholds of lust or alcoholism or jealousy or whatever.
00:54:15And so you're, these are not nervous system friendly environments.
00:54:22If your nervous system steps into anywhere and sees people screaming at something that's
00:54:27not there, that is incredibly alarming.
00:54:31And, you know, I remember I came home from my first discipleship training school with YWAM,
00:54:38like walking around the home I grew up in, like casting out demons just in case they were
00:54:43in every single corner and praying in tongues and doing these things that I had learned in
00:54:50the last five months that I needed to do to stake God's dominion over my family's home and over
00:54:59these places where demons may have come in, especially because my family didn't believe
00:55:04in this.
00:55:05So I needed to be extra vigilant.
00:55:08And so it really altered my relationships, even with my siblings, because it was like, well,
00:55:14they are now a project to me.
00:55:17I have to work really, really hard to make sure that they somehow see the world that I
00:55:22do.
00:55:22And if they're drinking alcohol, well, there might be demons on that alcohol.
00:55:26And so absolutely, I think that these environments fester anxiety and these states in our nervous
00:55:37system that are antithetical to feeling safe.
00:55:41Our vagus nerve is our nerve that is responsible for allowing us to feel safe.
00:55:48And 80 to 90% of it is what we'd call afferent, meaning it's sending signals from the body to
00:55:54the brain.
00:55:56And so if our body is in an environment where everyone else is feeling this, we're not getting
00:56:01proper food, all kinds of things that are happening, it's going to inevitably make us not
00:56:07feel safe.
00:56:09And so then when you have someone saying your safety is going to come from XYZ, I think it
00:56:16makes you that much more susceptible to try to do whatever XYZ is.
00:56:22And these are the same people that are condemning the children who are waving the Harry Potter
00:56:26wands.
00:56:27And what they don't realize, they're doing the same thing.
00:56:29It's just a different type of role playing.
00:56:31What is the, I may have asked you this before, but I am curious, and I know the audience will
00:56:36be asking me, what are the age groups of the children who are involved at Youth with a
00:56:42Mission?
00:56:43Most folks that end up doing a discipleship training school, I would say, are fresh out
00:56:49of high school, 18, 19, 20 years old.
00:56:53YWAM does have a lot of summer missions programs or week-long missions programs.
00:57:01So there's also a lot of people that go in middle school or high school.
00:57:06I believe it's called Kingdom Kids is one of their programs.
00:57:11And then there are many, many, many, many children whose parents are on staff at YWAM.
00:57:18And so there, you know, every base you go to is filled with children of all ages.
00:57:27I, one of my roles on staff was teaching preschool on the YWAM base.
00:57:34And it was children of staff and it was children of parents who were doing what's called a crossroads
00:57:44DTS.
00:57:44And so crossroads DTS is for married couples or families, whereas a traditional DTS is
00:57:52usually just a single person.
00:57:55And I remember even in, at that time, I was talking to one of the other preschool leaders
00:58:01who had children and were saying, it is right for me to expect 100% obedience from my child
00:58:10because that's what God expects of us.
00:58:12And even in that world, I was all in and I was like, that sounds really scary.
00:58:19And, you know, I don't think it is coincidence that these movements became really, really,
00:58:27really popular and gained so many people.
00:58:31Not long after James Dobson and focus on the family, which did actually teach corporal punishment
00:58:40and complete obedience.
00:58:44And so I think a lot of children who grew up in this world, who did grow up with, I'm going
00:58:49to spank you and mold you into who God wants you to be.
00:58:53It was an inevitable ending to then step into being a missionary where you think God expects
00:59:00complete obedience unto you being a martyr.
00:59:04Yeah, I grew up in a world where if a policeman had entered the building of our church during
00:59:10service, the services were two hours long.
00:59:13You're listening to a recording of a man who died in 1965.
00:59:18And as you walk in, you walked past the two bathrooms, the women's on the right, the men
00:59:23on the left.
00:59:24And as you walk into the building, you hear the kids screaming and you hear the slapping
00:59:29on the butt because in the ladies room, there was at all, almost at all times, every time
00:59:34I walked past it, there was some child being beaten and screaming because the children just
00:59:39couldn't sit this long.
00:59:41So that's another podcast for another day.
00:59:44All of this is, it's really scary to me.
00:59:46The more I'm learning from you about Youth With A Mission, the more concerning it is.
00:59:51I'm a little surprised, especially when you mentioned there's preschooler children involved
00:59:56in this.
00:59:57There's so many questions that I have and things that we'll talk about in upcoming podcasts,
01:00:02but just simply the biggest one that I have, maybe we can talk about this next time,
01:00:07child obedience, the way that they push it, it actually hinders the development of the
01:00:13child.
01:00:14And if we're talking preschoolers in this, this is, this for me is a problem.
01:00:18It's, it's a big problem.
01:00:19So thank you so much for doing this.
01:00:22Absolutely.
01:00:23Really always appreciate talking with you about these things.
01:00:27Awesome.
01:00:28Well, if you've enjoyed our show and you want more information, you can check us out on
01:00:31the web.
01:00:31You can find us at william-branham.org and endwellmovement.com.
01:00:35For more about the dark side of the new apostolic reformation, you can read Weaponized Religion
01:00:40from Christian Identity to the NAR, available on Amazon, Kindle, and Audible.
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