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00:00I'll put you in the jalousy, don't gotta hurry in the middle, love
00:08Let you out on me, don't gotta worry when tomorrow comes
00:15I'll put you in the jalousy, don't gotta hurry, no
00:22Yes, we say you're in control, in the middle, love
00:26I'll put you in the jalousy, don't gotta hurry, no
00:56Where you out on me, don't gotta worry when tomorrow comes
01:02I'll put you in the jalousy, don't gotta hurry, no
01:09Yes, we say you're in control, in the middle, love
01:13We say we're in the jalousy, don't gotta hurry, no
01:20You think this was my idea?
01:34No, there's nothing I can do
01:36No, don't shoot the messenger, man
01:38I just told you, there's nothing we can do, it's done
01:42You were serious about that tracksuit, eh?
01:46Stop yelling, bro
01:47Shut the fuck up, Sanguinette
01:50Is that Sanguinette?
01:53No, on Solo
01:54Where is he?
01:55The Millennium Falcon
01:56What?
01:57At home
01:58Why is Sanguinette at home?
02:00He's not coming
02:01Zeke smells like a chicken coop, but he'll get used to it just like everybody else
02:04Fuck you, Shorzy
02:05Don't worry, Zeke, new smells just mean you're becoming a woman
02:07Fuck you, Shorzy
02:08Why isn't Sanguinette here?
02:10Because the no-show folded
02:11Huh?
02:17The no-show folded
02:18The entire league folded?
02:20There were only five teams, we've been hanging on by a thread for a while
02:23Can't hear away from a full-on collapse
02:24The Sioux Hunt folded
02:27They're the only ones that didn't, leaving them and us
02:29What about Timmins?
02:30Not enough players
02:30In North Bay?
02:31Not enough ice
02:32And the other Sioux?
02:33Bankrupt
02:33And there's nothing you can do?
02:35You would have done it
02:36I'm sorry, Shorzy, I tried
02:39Look, there was a lot of build-up to get you to coach
02:43We can figure something out
02:45Don't be a liar
02:45The transition of life after hockey is tough
02:47We'll continue to be here
02:48Don't be a pussy
02:49Then stop standing there like you had a miscarriage, bitch
02:51Could you not fuckin' beat it today?
02:53Oh, buck up and go get your dick sucked
02:55Just get some fuckin' crumbled-up treats and a baggie in your desk
02:58No one's more disappointed than I am, Shorzy
03:00I grew up in this league, I'm devastated it's gone
03:03It's not that
03:04Senior hockey's not dead, far from it
03:06It's not that either
03:07Then what is it, slut?
03:08You pooped yourself?
03:09He's probably sad he won't get to wear that tracksuit again
03:11Oh my god, he is
03:15It's iconic
03:15What?
03:16This blue, it's iconic
03:17It's a Care Bear color
03:19Don't you think I look like a celebrity?
03:20You don't look like a celebrity
03:21Huh?
03:22He looks like gay-run DMC
03:23Well, not like a celebrity, but like a personality
03:26You look like a fuckin' popsicle
03:27Bro, more baby blue?
03:28I think this is more of a Robin's egg blue
03:31It's a hibiscus blue
03:32It's an Easter color
03:33You're a fashion guy now, eh?
03:34I read in Men's Health that your clothes are supposed to make you feel good
03:37So?
03:38So I never thought of that before
03:39Ten seconds out of hockey and he's Coco Chanel
03:41He's Lady Gaga
03:42He's Zendaya
03:43Hey, Nick Archambault
03:49The no-show's folding?
03:50Yeah, you're gonna say sorry to hear?
03:52Come to Toronto
03:53No, then, eh?
03:54Toronto
03:54Now
03:55Why?
03:57We're gonna make you an offer you can't refuse
03:58Have a go?
03:59New panel, new personalities
04:00Refused
04:01Stay with us
04:02Hey, Shorzi
04:03Good to see you again
04:04Hey, Mike
04:05You tried that Malaysian spot I was telling you about?
04:07Yeah, the satay was unreal
04:09Hey, try the beef rendang
04:10One topic
04:11One-time thing
04:12Where the game was, where the game is, where the game's going
04:14That's three topics, all boring
04:16Welcome back, Shorzi
04:17Hey, Erin, you still got your kid and dance?
04:20She's the worst one there
04:21I told you, put her in hockey
04:22You paying for it?
04:24Your old teammates have missed you
04:25How do you remember everyone's name?
04:27I'm so bad at it
04:28Here's the trick
04:29Get good at it
04:29That's the ticket, eh?
04:30It's how you build a winning culture
04:32Mike, what is that shirt?
04:34Birthday present from my girlfriend
04:35Put it in the garbage
04:36Fuck you, Shorzi
04:37Come on, Shorzi
04:39It's clear you had some fun around here
04:40One more, for old times' sake
04:42Well, then make me an offer I actually can't refuse
04:44Gretzky
04:47Wayne Gretzky
04:52Wayne Gretzky
04:59Are we just saying words
05:00Or am I going to get some actual information?
05:01You're going on TV here today with Wayne Gretzky
05:04Are you going to sneeze?
05:08I think a buck flew in his mouth
05:10Just give me a second
05:10Are you crying?
05:12Just give me a second
05:13Is he crying?
05:14Are you crying?
05:16He's crying
05:17Can I go sit in someone's car for a minute?
05:19Why are you crying?
05:20My whole life just flashed before my eyes
05:22It's emotional
05:23What are you talking about?
05:24Just all those years I was sure I was going to be a fucking loser
05:26You're not out of the weeds yet
05:27I wish I could go back and tell that kid he's going on TV with Wayne Gretzky
05:31The great one himself
05:32I wish I could go back and tell that kid everything's going to be all right
05:3499 arrives in one hour
05:36Oh fuck
05:37Just give me a fucking Kleenex
05:39Use your tampon
05:40Oh shut the fuck up Mike you tit fucker
05:43Dad
05:45Hey how are you now?
05:46What are you doing?
05:46I'm at a
05:47Actually it doesn't matter
05:48I'm going on TV with Wayne Gretzky
05:50What?
05:52Yeah I'm going on TV with Wayne Gretzky
05:54What are you talking about?
05:56Where are you?
05:56I'm in Toronto
05:57I'm at Bro Dude
05:58And Wayne Gretzky is on his way here
06:00We're going on TV
06:01Together?
06:01Yes just the greatest hockey player of this generation or any other and me
06:05Sure is he
06:06I know
06:06Sure is he in all these years you were pretty sure you were going to be a fucking loser
06:11I know
06:11Ah boy
06:13It's crazy
06:13I love you now
06:14It's crazy
06:15I'm so proud of you
06:16Does your brother know?
06:18No I'm going to call him next
06:19You better call him
06:20Yeah I'm going to give him a call
06:21Well give him a call
06:22Well dad I got to get ready for the fucking great one
06:24Give him a call then call me back
06:26Yeah I'll give you a call
06:27Love you
06:27Ah fuck
06:28Yep love you bye
06:28Yo
06:34Hey mole
06:35What's up I'm working
06:37Remember all those years you were pretty sure I was going to be a fucking loser
06:40A loser?
06:41A dead yeah
06:42What are you doing right now?
06:44Baking some 10 bits and I'm on the drive through window till end of shift
06:46Why?
06:47I'm about to go on TV with Wayne Gretzky
06:49What?
06:50Yeah who's the loser now bitch?
06:53Are you kidding?
06:54Don't shoot the messenger
06:55Do you know how many times I've said that today?
06:57I'm sorry Nat
06:57Ice is harder and harder to come by
06:59We've got too many players
07:01Too many teams
07:01Kids and sports stay off the streets
07:03If the bulldogs are folding
07:04We have to give your weekly ice times to someone else
07:07What a pun to the cunt
07:08And once the ice is gone
07:09It's going to be really hard to get back
07:11Just like that
07:11There's no grace period?
07:13To what?
07:13To get our shit together
07:14The body's still fucking warm woman
07:15See
07:16What?
07:17This is our barn
07:18Our banners in the rafters
07:19Our name on the marquee
07:20Bulldog hockey baby
07:21Don't shoot the messenger
07:22We can take the dog out of the fight
07:23We just won the country here
07:25How long do we have?
07:28I'm worried the dog will bite
07:29I'm sorry
07:30I'm just
07:30A bit pent up
07:32Needs to get laid
07:33How long?
07:36The basketball team needs the bulldog's dressing room ASAP
07:38What?
07:39Calm down
07:40The basketball team also needs this office
07:42What?
07:44Want to talk about that slippery church league
07:45That got banned from their rink?
07:47Those guys play like psychos
07:48Anique
07:49Don't smile like that
07:57I can't help it
07:58You'll freak him out
07:58I can't help it
07:59I know
08:00I'm excited too
08:01Say something so I can check your levels
08:03I was sure I was going to be a fucking loser
08:05Me too
08:05You're good
08:06Thanks Erin
08:07Your one eyelid droops a little bit though eh?
08:08I don't fucking care
08:09I'm going on TV with Wayne
08:10Gretzky
08:11What?
08:14Wayne Gretzky
08:15Are we just saying words again
08:17Or am I going to get some actual info?
08:19He's not coming
08:19He cancelled
08:22For what?
08:25Because he's a fucking asshole
08:26Em
08:27No
08:28He's a fucking asshole
08:29He said he'd be here
08:30He said he'd do this
08:31So where is he?
08:32Not here, not doing this
08:33I told my bosses
08:34I got Wayne Gretzky
08:36I told my husband
08:36I told my friends
08:37It's the first time
08:38My kids have thought I was cool
08:40Ever
08:41It's not his fault
08:42Aren't you angry?
08:44Disappointed?
08:45We brought you in
08:46All the way from Sudbury
08:47Told you
08:48You were going on TV
08:49With your hero
08:49Now it's off
08:50None of it's happening
08:51I think that warrants
08:52A little bit of irritability
08:53What do you think?
09:00I think
09:01Gretzky to Lemieux
09:05For the win
09:05Sorry
09:08I think
09:0950 goals
09:10In 39 games
09:11163 assists
09:13In a single season
09:14Are we just saying words
09:15Or am I going to get
09:16Some real information here?
09:17I think Wayne Gretzky
09:18Even planning on
09:19Coming here today
09:20Is still the greatest thing
09:21That's ever happened to me
09:22You're fucking with me, right?
09:24Like the guy's been
09:25Carrying the sport of hockey
09:26On his back
09:27For 50 years
09:28Give him a break
09:28He's fucking with me
09:29You've got to think
09:30A sports icon
09:31Global celebrity
09:32And hockey god
09:33Is a pretty full card
09:34He's not fucking with you
09:35Wayne Gretzky
09:36Has been a superstar
09:37Since he was 10
09:38Scored 400 goals
09:40As a grade schooler
09:41And became a media sensation
09:42Look what other child stars
09:44Are doing right now
09:45Lucky he doesn't have
09:46A needle in his arm
09:46Yeah, being called
09:47The great one
09:48Since fourth grade
09:48Might have produced
09:49A slightly different reality
09:50For him than our own
09:51Now what's he been doing instead?
09:53Serving up legendary moments
09:54For our country
09:55On a regular basis
09:56While remaining quiet
09:57Humble and thankful
09:59The most Canadian things
10:00Four Canada Cups
10:02A World Cup
10:03An Olympic hockey gold
10:04He's an executive
10:05For the gold medal
10:05Not a player
10:06Not to mention
10:07Four Stanley Cups
10:08And a Canadian city
10:09I haven't seen one of those
10:10Up here in a few decades
10:11Have we?
10:11See a playoff game
10:12In Edmonton
10:13Before you die
10:13Trust me
10:14That's a city
10:15With an identity
10:16The city of champions
10:17Because of 99
10:18Honorable mention
10:19To Messier
10:19Copy
10:20Mike
10:21Oh my god
10:22Shut the fuck up, Mike
10:24Are you done, Shorzy?
10:25Not even close
10:25Sports bring this country together
10:28Think about all the times
10:30We packed the bars
10:31And then packed the streets
10:32Because Gretzky had a goal
10:33And three assists
10:34Gretzky to Lemieux
10:35Gretzky to Messier
10:36Gretzky with the hat trick
10:38Gretzky does it again
10:39Yeah, we're standing here
10:40With our dicks in our hand
10:41Because this guy doesn't show up
10:42And you're not even
10:43A little bit pissed off
10:44Why?
10:45Because the hockey world
10:46Looks out for each other
10:47You think we're just saying it?
10:55What do you want to do
10:56With the segment?
10:58Shorzy's got all the answers
10:59I've never been more ready
11:01In my life
11:01Oh, come on
11:03They just found out
11:03The league is folding
11:04And that they won't be
11:05Playing hockey this year
11:06Thank god the strip club's opening
11:07And now you want us
11:08To tell them to go
11:08Get their shit out too?
11:09Why prolong it?
11:10All on a Sudbury
11:11Saturday night
11:12Not that's cunty
11:13Even by my standards
11:14I'll do it
11:15We got you
11:15I need a drink
11:17She needs a dink
11:18I said drink
11:19Although
11:21She'll figure something out
11:26Always does
11:27Go easy on her in the meantime
11:28I'm sorry
11:29This is her fucking wheelbarrow right now
11:32Really?
11:33You think NHL Twitter accounts
11:34Are the biggest problem
11:35With today's game?
11:36You asked for an example
11:37So I gave you one
11:37Well in fairness
11:38Twitter may be the biggest problem
11:40With the world today
11:40And I didn't say it was
11:41The biggest problem
11:42I just said it was annoying
11:43Okay
11:44But what's the biggest problem?
11:45And don't say they're
11:46Cracked down on fighting
11:47Cracked down on fighting
11:48That's old news
11:49It's a crack down on hitting
11:50On hitting?
11:51Yeah next you won't be able
11:51To take slap shots
11:53You heard it here first
11:54And a big big problem
11:55Is diving
11:57How are they cracking down
11:58On hitting?
11:58Well look at junior hockey
12:00In Canada today
12:01Actually look at the
12:01World Junior tournament
12:02Every hit is a penalty now
12:04It's a new strategy
12:05To get hitting out of the game
12:06Who's they?
12:07If you hit you take a penalty
12:08If you take a penalty
12:09You hurt your team
12:10You don't want to hurt your team
12:11So you don't hit
12:12Got us playing the European game now
12:14Careful
12:15No no no no
12:16There's lots of tough euros
12:18There's lots of euros that hit
12:20Chara
12:20It's just the European game
12:22Was always about speed and finesse
12:24The North American game
12:25Was about size and grit
12:27Traditionally sure
12:28Like a massive part of the success
12:29Of Canada and US hockey
12:31And the international stage
12:32Has been the hitting
12:33The physicality
12:34The guarantee that if you play us
12:36We will hurt you
12:37Okay take it easy
12:38With the new rule changes
12:39And the crackdown on hitting
12:41They got us playing
12:41The European game now
12:43And how do we stack up
12:44Against the Europeans
12:45At the European game?
12:46Well surprise surprise
12:47They're better at it than we are
12:49But what do you expect?
12:50They took away our tools
12:51I see
12:51Keith Primo
12:52Keith Kachuk
12:53Billy Guerin
12:54Brendan Shanahan
12:56Darian Hatcher
12:57Scott Steven
12:57Yes Captain Crunch
12:59These guys are world class
13:00Hockey players
13:01And these guys will
13:01Fuck you up
13:02Eric Lendros
13:03The new rules cut the nuts
13:05Off players like that now
13:06And that's the biggest problem
13:08With hockey today
13:09The North American game
13:12Is dying
13:13Anyone doing a dump run
13:16This weekend?
13:17Why?
13:18Throw Mike's shirt in there
13:19Fuck you Shorzy
13:20Shorzy
13:21Shorzy
13:25I'm glad I caught you
13:26Before you left
13:27Better say something
13:29Hey
13:31I'm so sorry
13:32I had some family stuff
13:34Come up
13:34We had our seventh grandchild
13:35I really had planned
13:37On coming up there
13:38I hope that's alright
13:39Sir you could
13:41Close an elevator door
13:42Repeatedly on my nuts
13:44And it'd be alright
13:45Honestly
13:45I was really looking forward
13:47To working with you
13:48Me?
13:49You're not going to believe this
13:50But my sons and I
13:51We watched the Burberry Bulldogs
13:52In the National Senior Tournament
13:54You watched the Bulldogs?
13:56It was really good
13:57Competitive hockey
13:57I really enjoyed the game
13:59You guys are going to
14:01Give me something
14:01To watch again this year
14:02Right?
14:05You bet
14:05Hey I heard what you said
14:07About the needle in the arm?
14:09Because I was just
14:10About the death
14:11Of the North American game
14:13Sure the style of play
14:14Might be going
14:15But that style of player
14:16Ain't going anywhere
14:17You know some guys
14:18You put a hockey stick
14:19In their hand
14:19And they become
14:20A completely different person
14:22They can't help it
14:22They're just born that way
14:24The Canadian game
14:25Is not dead
14:26Oh and Janet
14:28Wanted me to tell you
14:29If you want a future
14:30In television
14:30You should think
14:32About a trip to Turkey
14:33I will
14:34See you later
14:35And good luck
14:36Shall I get you booked
14:43On Turkish Air?
14:45See if they can do
14:45Something about your face too
14:47Mike
14:47Shut the fuck up
14:49Don't leave me this way
15:12I can't survive
15:16I can't stay alive
15:19Without your love
15:22Oh baby
15:23Don't leave me this way
15:27I can't exist
15:30I'll surely miss
15:33Your tender kiss
15:36Don't leave me this way
15:39Baby
15:42My heart is full of love
15:45And desire for you
15:47Now come on down
15:48And do what you gotta do
15:50You started this fire
15:53Down in my soul
15:55Now can't you see
15:56It's burning
15:57Out of control
15:59Come on
16:00Satisfy
16:01The need in me
16:03Cause only your good loving
16:05Can set me free
16:07Guys
16:12This is my friend Lloyd
16:13What's up buddy
16:14What's going on?
16:15He plays for the Sudbury 5
16:16Who?
16:17Basketball team
16:18Just wanted to say
16:19I'm sorry to hear
16:20About you guys folding
16:20We didn't fold
16:21You look devastated
16:22Pardon?
16:23Nothing
16:23And thanks for giving us
16:24Your room
16:25We'll take good care of it
16:26We didn't give it to you
16:26I'm sorry
16:27It's loud in here
16:28Can you say that again?
16:29I said we didn't give it to you
16:30But
16:30Didn't you say bye?
16:32Making fun of you Hitch
16:33Vinyl
16:33You talk like an idiot
16:35How's what I tell expect?
16:36We usually just make fun of you
16:37Behind your back
16:38But Big Nuts here
16:39Bringing it right to your door
16:40Again thank you
16:41And sorry
16:42That Canadian contest
16:43You win
16:43Where can I learn to talk
16:45As good as what you does?
16:46Settle down
16:46Doesn't matter how you talk
16:48You're still gonna look like an idiot
16:49Who's team you on old man?
16:51No team
16:51We don't have a team
16:52That's why Big Nuts and his boys here
16:54Get our room
16:55Have a good night man
16:56Hey how big are your feet?
16:58What?
16:58How big are they?
16:59Shut up Jersey
17:00They'll never fill our shoes
17:01No
17:02Let's go
17:02You wouldn't take our room
17:04If we weren't playing?
17:04Yes sir
17:05We take what we want
17:06If it was your room
17:07I'd walk up and ask
17:08Wouldn't you show up to the bar
17:09Saying thanks
17:10Sorry
17:10No respect
17:11Desk earned
17:12What have you won?
17:14And hey
17:15I left some championship pedigree
17:16For you in the toilet far right
17:18Yeah whatever bro
17:19Outstanding North American run
17:24By this team of European all stars
17:26Known as simply
17:27The EU
17:29They're undefeated through seven contests
17:32Against NHL farm teams no less
17:34With one game remaining against Edmonton
17:36I mean I'm just gonna come right out and say it
17:38These guys are beating the crap out of every
17:42Good
17:50Got the right house
17:52What's your name
17:53Sean
17:54He said come on
17:56Where's he go
17:56You can go in alone
17:58But time can tell
17:59Broke me
17:59You will never be free
18:01I'm going to
18:02You'll never be free
18:02I'm going to
18:03You'll never be free
18:03Don't tell me I'm wrong
18:18Cause I've been watching every move that you make
18:25Hearts you steal
18:29When you make up in heels
18:32Trouble for the man that you take
18:36Every time you walk in the room
18:42What are you doing over here by yourself?
18:43Huh?
18:43You feel like you're over here by yourself
18:45Like
18:45You're not
18:46Yes you are
18:47You're over here
18:47Wait for everybody else
18:48Oh shut the fuck up you idiot
18:49What's your problem?
18:51What?
18:51What?
18:52You
18:52Oh I know that look
18:54What look?
18:55I'm looking to scissor
18:56I do know that look
18:57Yep you're looking to scissor
18:58This is our barstool right now
19:00Oh it's crazy
19:01What are you gonna do?
19:11I just told you it's our fucking malt tree right now
19:13No
19:13Like without hockey
19:16I don't know
19:19I don't know
19:20No way
19:24Oh if this is it
19:32You better dance
19:33No
19:34Yep you better dance
19:35You're gonna ruin my odds with one of these bras
19:37Oh your face is gonna do that
19:39Come on we're dancing let's go
19:41No we're not dancing
19:42Come on we're gonna dance get up
19:44My crotch goes nowhere near your crotch
19:45Well then fucking jump on my back
19:47No
19:48Come on get your fucking gear down
19:49Get on my back
19:50Oh it's great
19:52Hey hey hey hey
19:54analysis on the eu all-star team's reign of terror against pro north american squads will bring in
20:17tsn's director of scouting craig button but first we take you to this juicy post-game statement
20:22from eu coach tempo maki we are all aware of the narrative here surrounding european hockey
20:30players soft no grit too pretty maybe at one point sure but north american players are not at the
20:38level they once were our record here proves that the players here are overvalued
20:44those are strong words peppo that's what you're going with overvalued overrated we're now joined
20:52by craig button craig what do we even say about this thank god it's almost over thank god it's
20:58almost over jay there's a brand of hockey we used to play over here that's gone by the wayside for
21:04one reason or another the dion fanufs and jordan tutus used to give you two options run your head
21:10through the end boards or take it off in the middle of the open ice yes very true for whatever
21:15reason that brand of hockey has fallen by the wayside what do you have boys well guess what
21:19this team of european all-stars picked it up again and frankly they're playing it better than we ever
21:24played it over here i really can't believe what i'm watching i mean the average height of this team is
21:30six foot five you're six foot five yes six foot five that is the average height of this team
21:35they're unstoppable unbeaten through seven games with one to go this was nothing short of embarrassing
21:41there's been no answer to the eu's physicality no response to this bully this was just a real
21:46drubbing if i've ever seen it that's a great word drubbing it's appropriate okay let's play a quick
21:51game words i use to describe the eu's north american swing against canada and the u.s's finest players not
21:58in the nhl a thumping thrashing a walloping merciless beating shellacking i can't go on any further
22:06without drifting into all kinds of professionals i'll remind you this is a family friendly program
22:11crank button this is a family friendly program people all joking aside this eu team is too big
22:18they're too fast they're unbeatable unbeatable verified validated confirmed
22:48they're too fast they're too fast they're too fast they're too fast they're too fast they're on
23:08this way backwards they're too fast and fast and fast and fast i'll see what happens
23:12with my life right next week
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