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#RealityCentralUSA
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00:00Dating is weird.
00:01I really have no idea what we've gotten into.
00:04We're just going to have fun.
00:05And if I meet somebody, cool.
00:11After the Sella Coyote Pass, I was disappointed.
00:14I've been saying embarrassed, but the real factor
00:18is that I felt ashamed.
00:20I'm in North Carolina right now.
00:22I'm traveling here to meet with Janelle.
00:27It's an effort to just say, have a great,
00:31I don't even know how to say it.
00:34I don't even know what to say, really.
00:36I was hurt, and I was angry, and I was betrayed,
00:39and I wanted to, I had a feeling of let's get even.
00:43I'm on the right path.
00:45I'm looking forward to laying it all out bare with what I've done.
00:57Every day, I was a dancer, and I was Sally Issach Kapil.
01:02What's really the last name you're gonna do?
01:05It's going to be a fly, she's all minus.
01:07Well, she's all her TOGETHER CANDIDATES jak ma may disagree.
01:09I do everything, she's everything.
01:13Here she asks a little bit over what she's doing.
01:15Do we have to do this?
01:27I don't know if we've gotten ourselves into it.
01:28Do we have to?
01:29So Amber and I came to Vegas.
01:31We came for this speed dating type event.
01:34Hello, ladies.
01:35Hello.
01:37Hi.
01:37Are you guys ready to find love?
01:39Yes, actually.
01:41So this is kind of like a speed dating type event
01:44at a golf location and kind of like a bar area.
01:49Hopefully there's about an equal amount of girls and guys.
01:51I haven't seen that yet, but maybe it'll happen.
01:54OK.
01:55So you're going to scan the QR code.
01:56It'll have you fill out a questionnaire.
01:59So around 8.45 or so, we'll break you into some smaller groups.
02:03And then it'll do another countdown,
02:05and you're going to get the match that it thinks
02:06is your best match based on the answers that you put into there.
02:09That's a really long time from now.
02:11So we're supposed to mingle with random people?
02:14Yes.
02:14For over an hour.
02:15That's what the liquid courage is for.
02:16OK.
02:17Got it.
02:18Far in here.
02:21I'm nervous.
02:22We both are.
02:23Not quite sure what to expect.
02:25We're just doing it.
02:27Here we go.
02:28Here we go.
02:32Now we have to answer these questions.
02:34OK.
02:34Flirting is a form of cheating.
02:36Yes.
02:38Strongly disagree.
02:39Strongly agree.
02:41I agree.
02:42Yeah, I definitely think that if you're flirting with somebody and you're in a relationship,
02:47I mean, you shouldn't be doing that.
02:50I think flirting in a plural relationship is, like, you need to be careful with it, and
02:55you need to actually nurture all of your relationships if you're wanting to flirt with somebody in front
03:01of somebody else.
03:02If one wife is not secure and you're out there flirting with the other wife in front
03:07of her, that's just rude.
03:09You know, Cody was naturally warm and was naturally demonstrative.
03:15You know, that was just what it was.
03:19You know, it was plural marriage.
03:20It's what we were living.
03:21And I never thought it was a good idea to hide it anyway, but that was something they had
03:26established before I even came along.
03:28Um, I mean, Cody always had little things that he would do that would, to flirt with us all
03:33and didn't, was normal, didn't bother me, yeah.
03:36He'd do a little wink or something, you know, and I guess sort of like a little flirt with
03:41us in front of each other.
03:42And it didn't really ever bother me.
03:44I mean, that's part of plural marriage.
03:46Everything pretty much was like, when you're with everybody, you're classy, you know, you
03:52didn't really do stuff like that.
03:54That's like, that'd be like a polygamous family killer, I would think, you know, to be all
03:58like that.
03:59Okay.
04:00Next question's going to be your favorite.
04:01I prefer kinky sex.
04:03Wait.
04:04Wait.
04:05I...
04:06What?
04:07Yep.
04:08Mmm.
04:09What'd you put?
04:12What'd you put?
04:13One.
04:14I mean, to be fair, I wouldn't know, but there's that.
04:19Okay.
04:20When you know, you would change your answer.
04:22I feel bad, because I know that these days, with dating, it's very complicated.
04:29It's not what it used to be, you know, the smartphone has just totally annihilated that
04:33whole thought process.
04:34I feel bad for people that are having to go through this process now.
04:37You're in.
04:38Keep an eye on your text.
04:39When your host runs the algorithm, you'll get your match from this number.
04:43Yay.
04:44This is weird.
04:46Why?
04:47What's...
04:48Where are we going?
04:49I don't know.
04:50I don't know.
04:51Let's walk.
04:52I definitely go in with low expectations, and then, if something happens, great.
04:57You know?
04:58What about, uh, the guy there looking at his phone?
05:03Not for me.
05:04For you.
05:05No, I don't think so.
05:06No?
05:07I wanted to wait, you know, maybe not everybody was there yet.
05:14Maybe other people were gonna show up.
05:16There is this one guy here who's got his eye out for that girl.
05:20Yep.
05:21Hundred percent.
05:22I saw him walk in, and he was like, yep.
05:25I know who I want.
05:28I mean, there's a decent amount of people.
05:31Definitely the majority are women.
05:33Um, I was kind of hoping that there would be more men, and maybe more men that I would
05:40be interested in.
05:41But at the same time, like, this is what dating is about.
05:44This is dating.
05:46And I don't know if, I mean, I haven't dated since I was a teenager, but I think the dating
05:52scene is just kind of tough for, I think it's just tough all around.
05:58Are we just being party poopers?
06:00Maybe.
06:01Are we being too picky?
06:02Maybe.
06:03Are we, are we closed off?
06:08I see nobody of interest at all for me or for you.
06:12I don't either.
06:13I see nobody.
06:16I feel like I get to be picky.
06:20You know, and I get that, like, I'm not going to find, like, the perfect person that checks
06:25all the boxes.
06:26And I don't think the perfect person exists, but the perfect person for me exists.
06:31And that's, that's who I'm looking for.
06:33So I think I get to be picky.
06:46I'm here in North Carolina so that I can meet up with Janelle and basically just following
06:55through with my plans for apology to my ex-wives.
07:00And I'm willing to accept that it might happen with rejection.
07:04And I might have to just do my best to stay the course.
07:07I don't want to fight.
07:09I just want to apologize.
07:11You know, since Cody first called me and said, I want to come meet with you, I thought, why?
07:18Like, I mean, why now?
07:20You know, and I think that was part of the reason I was like, well, I'll go see.
07:25I'm curious what you have to say, but is this going to be even for real?
07:32Hi.
07:33How are you?
07:34Good.
07:35Are you feeling healthy?
07:36Yeah, I am.
07:37Good.
07:38Good.
07:39Nice to see you.
07:40Thanks for meeting with me.
07:41I appreciate it.
07:42You do.
07:43Thanks.
07:44I guess, you know, I saw Cody in person when we all met up at Coyote Pass, and that was
07:49so awkward.
07:50We didn't really talk to each other.
07:51It was just awkward.
07:53Robin was there, and that makes the dynamic really weird.
07:56Cody feels like he has to run interference and protect Robin and, like, I don't know,
07:59whatever.
08:00I don't know whatever.
08:01Like, it was so awkward and disjointed when we all met up at the property.
08:06And this is just he and I.
08:07There's no other outside parties.
08:08There's no politics.
08:09Have you eaten here before?
08:12I have.
08:13It's really good.
08:14Yeah?
08:15Awesome.
08:16Yeah.
08:17So.
08:18Well, good choice then.
08:19Yeah.
08:20Like, it's like people that I know.
08:22Oh, OK, cool.
08:23So they recommended it.
08:24OK, cool.
08:25And I'm like, when you said this, I'm like, OK, sure.
08:26Yeah.
08:27Sure.
08:28All right.
08:29The town, it's all quaint.
08:30Yeah.
08:31I wore a jacket because I couldn't see the humidity assuming that it would be a little
08:34bit high.
08:35Yeah.
08:36But it seemed cold because all the weather was pretty cool.
08:38Yeah, we've had an unusual year.
08:39We have.
08:40Like, it's cool.
08:41Yeah.
08:42So that's, that's great.
08:47Uh, this is so awkward, but even if you have to start out with the weather, you've got to
08:54start out with some conversation to break a little bit of ice.
08:57You can't just jump into something, especially as heavy as an apology.
09:07I don't want to talk to Cody ever again.
09:10Cody contacted me and wants to have a conversation.
09:14I need to know what the motive is, which is so sad to admit.
09:18I literally knew Cody for two months at the time that we got engaged.
09:23There's no way I would ever do that again.
09:27This is the weirdest experience.
09:39You know what, golfing has never been my thing, right?
09:44I mean, I've done mini golf and I think mini golf is a lot of fun.
09:47I don't know.
09:48I'm not good at golf.
09:49And so I'm not going to go up with a bunch of people that I'm not comfortable with and
09:52like do something that I look stupid doing either.
09:55So.
09:56Look.
09:57These dudes are polluted.
10:02I'm not trying to discount my 30 years of marriage.
10:08But I know what I want and I know what I don't want based on experiences that I've had.
10:16I literally knew Cody for two months at the time that we got engaged.
10:20We knew each other for six months at the time that we got married.
10:25You know, like we came from a religious culture that promoted that for sure.
10:30And so it was normal for us.
10:32But there's no way I would ever do that again.
10:36All right, everybody.
10:39It's the moment that you've all been waiting for.
10:43In a few seconds, you are about to get a text message to your phone.
10:48You will get your marriage.
10:51Woo!
10:52I, you know, it's, I think it's going to be interesting to see if they even match me
10:57with somebody, um, just based on this questionnaire that maybe they will, maybe they won't.
11:03I don't know.
11:04But it doesn't feel like a speed dating event at all.
11:09Yeah, I think the structure of the speed dating event that I went to up in Salt Lake was so much better.
11:23Tell me about yourself. Are you, um, how long have you been single?
11:26Single.
11:27Single. Two years.
11:28Two years.
11:29I have a dog.
11:30Nice.
11:31I have a child.
11:32I'm really glad that I met Ron at the other event.
11:34Um, he and I have a really cool connection.
11:37But this is just the world that I'm living in right now.
11:41You know, the dating scene is weird.
11:45You know, it's like, sometimes it's going to be fun.
11:49Sometimes I'm going to be interested in a guy and he's not going to be interested in me.
11:53Sometimes vice versa.
11:54You know what I mean?
11:55Like, it's just, it just is what it is.
12:00Matches are here.
12:02We didn't match with anybody.
12:11I didn't end up getting matched with anybody.
12:13And I'm okay with that because I didn't see anybody that I wanted to be matched with.
12:18So, it, it was a win.
12:23I don't know what to do now.
12:26Now we've raced early lead.
12:28Okay.
12:29I think we're out.
12:31No, I'm not disappointed.
12:34I think this is just the process.
12:36I think this is the game that I'm in right now.
12:39But I'm up for the adventure because I do want to find my person.
12:43You know?
12:47You know, they say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
12:50And I'm definitely leaving this experience here.
12:53And we'll just have to find a better version next time.
13:01We live where there's a pickleball court.
13:13Christine's like, let's go play.
13:15She thinks she can beat me.
13:17It's on.
13:18Hey, cheater, behind the line.
13:23You have dessert from here?
13:24Uh-huh.
13:25So pickleball is like this rage.
13:27This rage is easier than tennis.
13:29And it's not bad.
13:30It's okay.
13:31I've really honestly never played it before.
13:32I have tried so many different sports, and I'm terrible at all of them.
13:35All sports.
13:38You have sunglasses, you cheater!
13:40How is wearing sunglasses cheating knowing the elements?
13:44That's not cheating.
13:45That's preparing for battle.
13:47Out!
13:52So that was one point for you.
13:53One to me.
13:54You know why you're not good at this game?
13:56Why?
13:57Because you can't cheat.
13:58Oh, my God.
13:59You know what, asshole?
14:00I love to trash talk.
14:04Four!
14:05Do you have a hole in that pedal?
14:07Check it.
14:08Do you have a hole in your mouth?
14:09It gets in their head.
14:11Then they can't win.
14:12So if I'm cheating that way, hey, that's part of the game.
14:16No, I swear.
14:17David, go on!
14:19I hate sports.
14:21David can aim.
14:26I swear to the love, you're getting it now.
14:27Go get it.
14:28You get it.
14:29He can aim where he hits the ball.
14:31And he is hitting it out there on purpose,
14:33because he likes to just get me worn out.
14:35That's his tactic.
14:36Who's the cheater now?
14:37Oh, that was out.
14:38No, that was in.
14:39Damn it to hell!
14:40David, can you go that way?
14:42Can you aim that way?
14:44Hey, I just know how to angle the ball
14:47right through that door opening there
14:48to let her go chase him.
14:50Good job, babe.
14:51Let's do the pump chest.
14:52Ready?
14:53That hurts.
14:55David won.
14:57David won.
14:58No one is surprised.
14:59He's never played pickleball either.
15:01So I thought that it would be less of a big,
15:04huge gap between the winner and the loser.
15:07Good job, babe.
15:08That was awesome.
15:09No.
15:10So Cody reached out to me and wanted us to have, like,
15:14a conversation.
15:15Like, olive branch, benevolence was in there.
15:18I was completely shocked when Cody reached out.
15:21It came out of absolutely nowhere.
15:24Janelle told me that Cody reached out to her.
15:27I'm like, well, you know, how are you feeling about that?
15:29And she's like, well, I just know, I don't know why.
15:31You know, I don't know what the agenda is, but apparently
15:33there's like an olive branch or something.
15:35And I'm like, I don't know.
15:37But she didn't know.
15:38It just came out of nowhere for her as well.
15:41I feel like I had so much anxiety today.
15:43Just so much anxiety today.
15:45Why?
15:46I don't want to have it.
15:47I just feel so hypocritical.
15:49But I don't want to talk to Cody ever again.
15:52I just don't want to.
15:54David, I don't want to.
15:55But why?
15:56Why?
15:57Because it was brain damage for so many years.
16:00When Cody first reached out, I was like, no.
16:02No, I'm not going to go.
16:03That's ridiculous.
16:04I don't trust anything that comes out of his mouth.
16:06Why would I put myself in that situation?
16:08No.
16:10Like the last conversation that we had together,
16:13last several conversations we've had, haven't been great.
16:17Man!
16:18Just the knife in the kidneys over all these years!
16:24Like every single time, they just turn around and bite me in the butt.
16:28Why?
16:29Why?
16:30Why?
16:31You got to realize that people do change.
16:34Even though we don't ever think they will, they will.
16:36You got...
16:37Where's the proof of the last time that I heard him talking about me?
16:39He was mean.
16:40I need to know what the motive is, which is so sad to admit.
16:45But before I agree to have a conversation with Cody, why?
16:53I think the meanest thing that I did was I said, I didn't love you.
16:58That wasn't true.
17:00We used to be lovers.
17:03And we used to really like being around each other.
17:07I wanted to fly out here and meet with you.
17:22Basically, I just wanted to come and say that I apologize.
17:26Wow.
17:27All right.
17:28Yeah.
17:29Um...
17:30Oh, I have a list.
17:31Okay.
17:32I'd just love to apologize for...
17:34The first thing is I want to kind of go backwards.
17:35I want to apologize for just being so angry and so bitter over the family breakup.
17:51And just nobody deserved to have me be that angry.
17:58Wow.
17:59Thanks.
18:00Yeah.
18:01I kept thinking, I don't know who this guy is.
18:03I used to always tell everybody, I'm like, this is not the guy that I was married to forever.
18:07Like, you know what I mean?
18:08This...
18:09So...
18:10Yeah.
18:11I...
18:12You weren't the only one saying that.
18:14The person I would see speaking all these things publicly, I'm like, I don't know who that guy is.
18:19I still don't recognize him.
18:21It's like, again, like, as somebody I've seen that I used to know a long time ago,
18:24lots of pieces that I recognize, lots of common things that we can remember together,
18:28but I don't...
18:29I don't recognize me.
18:30He lives a completely different life, it feels like now.
18:32So do I.
18:33I didn't...
18:34I never saw this coming in a million years, right?
18:37Like, when the family fell apart, I was really...
18:39I mourned more the loss of the ideal of what we were trying to do, right?
18:42I understand that.
18:43Like, I just...
18:44We had that ideal.
18:45Like, when we all got together and we were going to raise the kids,
18:47and thank goodness the kids are all still pretty much their siblings, really, you know?
18:51And that was one of the biggest things that we did accomplish.
18:54We had this idea, this whole ideal, right, of how it was going to be.
18:57Like, I think when I finally left Cody,
19:00I thought about the family so much more than our relationship for many, many, many years.
19:05I think he and I especially really held that ideal of the family,
19:08like this family unit thing that would work out.
19:11And I think maybe I lost track of our relationship,
19:13and it might have been detrimental, really.
19:15I probably should have been focused a little bit more on our relationship
19:17and not so much the family.
19:19Well, aren't you glad that I was angry?
19:21Well...
19:22Let me tell you why, okay?
19:23It's a compliment to you.
19:25If I'd have been apathetic...
19:28It would have meant you weren't important.
19:30Yeah.
19:31And my anger and my bitterness and my, I didn't ever love her,
19:34that was all from attachment.
19:37Yeah.
19:39We used to be lovers,
19:41and we used to really like,
19:44I think we liked being around each other.
19:47And I'm in a space now with this apology
19:50where I'm not looking back at my past
19:52and going, I want to burn that to the ground.
19:55Instead, I'm looking back at my past like,
19:58that was really cool.
19:59We were part of something special.
20:01I think the meanest thing that I did
20:08was I said, I didn't love you.
20:10That wasn't true.
20:13That was a lie from the perspective of pain.
20:17I knew. I knew it.
20:19I knew that you loved me.
20:21I did.
20:22Like, I know that we had a great relationship.
20:24And I didn't understand.
20:25Like, I was like, okay, whatever.
20:26But I knew it.
20:27I knew.
20:28Thanks for making that easy.
20:29Yeah.
20:30I knew.
20:31And I, it was fine.
20:32Like, I knew.
20:33Because I knew, I knew how it was for all those years.
20:34You know what I mean?
20:35But I knew that we, I knew that you loved me.
20:36Yeah.
20:37So.
20:38Yeah.
20:39Yeah.
20:40Yeah.
20:41Just because I've not had any kind of real emotional connection with him like this for
20:58a long time.
20:59I'm like, where is this going?
21:00I don't know.
21:01Do you know what I mean?
21:03At one point I thought, wow, you're really bringing it on heavy.
21:07I'm like, if you're going to ask for some sort of reconciliation, I kept thinking.
21:11I, it wouldn't have made any sense, but he was just being so intense and so, like,
21:16trying to connect with me emotionally.
21:17And I'm like, I just didn't know why.
21:20Like, I didn't, I just couldn't think of any reason why.
21:28How would you react if one of the ex-wives wanted to return?
21:33Return to the family?
21:34To the family.
21:36Um, uh, uh, I, I mean, like what?
21:44Really?
21:48I would be very surprised.
21:50I don't want to even answer this because I'm just like.
21:53Okay.
21:54It, it, yeah.
21:55Yeah.
22:01So making me sad right now.
22:03I'm sorry.
22:04No, because you like just opened this little portal of hope
22:08and I'm just like, I didn't even think of that.
22:10And now I'm just like, what if,
22:12and I'm going down that road.
22:13I can't, I can't just, I gotta move away from that.
22:16Cause I'll just, I'll fall apart and I can't be on this set.
22:20Okay, I just.
22:25Hope is dangerous sometimes.
22:47This is the new office and I like it.
22:50Amber and I have something we need to discuss with Jen.
22:53It's going to be very uncomfortable for Jen,
22:56but sometimes that's what friends do
22:59is make friends uncomfortable.
23:00Hi, how are you doing?
23:02Hi.
23:03I'm great.
23:04Good.
23:05How are you guys?
23:06Better than you.
23:07Chipper.
23:09We're peachy.
23:10Better than you.
23:11So Jen's husband has been fighting cancer
23:14for a couple of years,
23:15but this year it's been definitely more intense
23:19because he's gotten into like all the radiation
23:23and all the surgeries.
23:25And now he's moving into another treatment
23:27that's going to help the recovery of his leg.
23:30And you know, so there's a lot that has been going on.
23:34So we wanted to give you an update though
23:37of what we're going to do for the fundraiser.
23:39We have a plan.
23:42We are so excited about this, Jen.
23:44Thank you guys.
23:46Amber and I have decided that we are going
23:48to do a fundraiser for her.
23:50And that kind of thing makes Jen very uncomfortable.
23:54Accepting help and being in a place where she needs help,
23:58she doesn't feel like she needs it,
23:59but you know, this is what we can do.
24:01You know, we can't do anything about the cancer,
24:03but we can help alleviate the financial burden.
24:07So we'll do a bike ride.
24:08We'll just do a loop around town.
24:10Okay.
24:11But we are putting out there
24:12that people can rent bikes from your shop.
24:15Okay.
24:15So that's another way they can support you
24:17is you can come and rent bikes and stuff.
24:20Hopefully that will bring people to your shop.
24:22They can see what you guys offer there too.
24:24So that'll be good.
24:25And then we'll do a breakfast out here.
24:28Okay.
24:29On the front lawn.
24:30As we've been planning this event,
24:34you know, I've been telling people about it.
24:35I texted all my sisters, told them about it.
24:38I've also mentioned it to Ron
24:39and he's going to be coming down for it.
24:41So.
24:42Hello.
24:45So how's it going?
24:46Good.
24:47Good so far.
24:48Have you done this before?
24:49Never in my life.
24:50I met Ron months ago at the speed dating event.
24:54So ever since then, he and I have just stayed in touch.
24:57We've hung out.
24:58We've just become friends and we're just having fun
25:02getting to know each other.
25:05This will actually be the first time
25:06that Ron is down here in Parowan to see me
25:10and in my space.
25:12And I'm kind of excited about it.
25:13It'll be kind of cool.
25:18You okay with this?
25:19You know, like, you are so loved.
25:27I hate this from you.
25:31Sorry.
25:33Your glasses, they're in the way.
25:35She's very uncomfortable with it.
25:40She doesn't, she doesn't love this.
25:42You know what?
25:43Maybe the lesson that you're going to take out of this, Jen,
25:45is to accept support.
25:47You give it all the time.
25:49Now it's your turn to learn how to accept it.
25:51Okay, so I've been a bastard for about three years,
26:07about this whole breakup, four years, all right?
26:09There's some mistakes I made in plural marriage specifically.
26:12I don't know that she was expecting,
26:14I didn't tell her I was coming to apologize.
26:17What I offered her was an olive branch and that was it.
26:20And so, well, an olive branch, well, that's a symbol of peace.
26:23Let's see what he's got, you know?
26:26When you and I got married,
26:28I remember this affection that we shared.
26:32And this really made me question plural marriage pretty hard.
26:37I wish I would have seen the need for you and I
26:43to protect our special place.
26:49If I would have understood that,
26:53I think it would have been a lot safer for you.
26:57I feel like I put you in harm's way
27:01and that it didn't step up to protect you.
27:06Wow, thank you.
27:08I, yeah.
27:12When Janelle and I got married,
27:14I didn't feel like we had a lot of room, space with each other.
27:18We didn't know each other that well when we got married.
27:22We weren't good communicators,
27:23but we started out with a tenderness.
27:26We started out with a sweetness.
27:32And for that, and the fact that I didn't protect, like...
27:36We didn't know.
27:37We didn't have no idea.
27:38There was no book or anything advising us.
27:42But my mistake in just not being brave enough,
27:46man enough, strong enough,
27:49because I know you didn't feel safe in that space
27:52and you were probably thinking to yourself a lot,
27:55I made a huge mistake in marrying this guy.
27:58There were some things that happened through the years that I kind of...
28:03Well, there were things that happened,
28:04especially that first year or two,
28:06that I kind of wish he would have stood up for me
28:09as much as he maybe,
28:11by default sort of took the other position, you know?
28:16Mary and I have very different personalities.
28:20We just clash.
28:21Like, I don't...
28:22We would never be friends, right?
28:24I never would.
28:24We just are so very different.
28:27So add that to the fact that there was a lot of...
28:31of jealousy and insecurity and stuff that we were working through,
28:35and it just was not... it was not good.
28:38I have an experience where I was going off to the mountain to log,
28:45and you were sobbing,
28:47and you were saying,
28:48do you love me, do you love me, do you love me?
28:51I just didn't realize that you weren't feeling safe.
28:54I've thought about that scene in my mind,
28:57that scenario where you were there,
28:59and I have just felt ashamed
29:00because you deserved to feel safe in that relationship,
29:04and I bailed that.
29:07So I was pregnant with Logan, and he was on the road.
29:10He was a route sales guy.
29:11And so his time at home was very...
29:13like, there was a lot of...
29:15his time at home was limited.
29:16And I think he was trying so hard to, like, be a family
29:21that I think we sort of, again, lost track of who we were
29:24as just a couple.
29:27Yeah, I mean, I was obviously the first plural wife,
29:29so there's a lot that comes with that.
29:31And I think over the years,
29:33I just sort of learned to just keep the peace.
29:35I lost a lot of my identity, like I did.
29:39I think I had to sort of emotionally close down
29:40to survive in those early years,
29:43and I think we just never got that back.
29:44So there's been some healing for me for him
29:47to say those things about those early years,
29:49which were really, really, really not pretty.
29:55The, um...
29:59Well, I think the experience was much harder
30:01than you thought it was going to be, and...
30:03Yeah, I think I went in pretty idealistic.
30:05Yeah, and if I, once again, if I would have protected you,
30:08if I would have made you safe in that space,
30:11if you would have felt like I had your back...
30:13Yeah, yeah, our relationship, yeah, we might have not...
30:16It would have made a lot of difference.
30:17...not have struggled as much as we did
30:19in those early years, you know what I mean?
30:20Yeah, and I always, and that's an ache in my heart
30:23that I have felt four or five years.
30:29We always had a really good relationship
30:33as far as, like, being able to talk to each other.
30:36I think we still do care for each other.
30:38I mean, like, how can you not?
30:39I spent so many years married to him.
30:42I just think there is always a level of connection
30:46when you spend that much time married.
30:53If Cody started to be mean or anything,
30:55or aggressive towards me or anything like that,
30:57David, oh, my God, he'd become unglued.
30:59He wants to have a relationship.
31:01I just don't think he knows quite how to.
31:03If you don't start having a relationship with your kids now,
31:06down the road, when you need them,
31:07they're not gonna be there.
31:19Do you think Cody wants to meet up to talk crap on you?
31:22No, he said that he wants to extend an olive branch.
31:27I just don't trust that.
31:28I just don't trust him.
31:29No, I haven't told Cody whether or not
31:31I'm gonna meet up with him at all.
31:32I'm not 100% going yet.
31:35That's why, why, why would I do that?
31:37I'm not gonna trust anything that comes out of his mouth.
31:39So he's just gonna be mean.
31:42He's just mean.
31:43It's years of him being mean and putting me down
31:45and making me feel less than.
31:47I'm nauseous. I'm already nauseous thinking about it.
31:48My stomach's already upset thinking about it.
31:50But you have done so much in your life
31:53in the last, what, three years?
31:54Uh-huh.
31:55Look where you're at now.
31:57Yes.
31:57You're a very independent woman.
31:59Yes.
31:59I've seen it in you.
32:01Watch what you can do.
32:02And things will be better because it's you and I there.
32:05Okay.
32:06And it will be fine.
32:07Mm-hmm.
32:08I promise you.
32:10Dave has always been pushing for more communication.
32:14And he's like, and what do you want more than anything?
32:16And I'm like, oh, for my kids to have a better relationship
32:19with their dad, and he goes, okay, then you have to show them
32:22how to have a good relationship with him.
32:26See, he's right with this, too.
32:27It just sucks.
32:29You didn't marry him because he was a terrible guy.
32:32No, he was great.
32:33He was a great guy.
32:34But times change and things change.
32:36People change and people start going separate ways.
32:38Yeah.
32:39Everybody wants to keep living in the past.
32:41No.
32:42And the past will never make you go to the future.
32:44So I need to think about it.
32:45This isn't an olive branch.
32:46This is a peace talk.
32:47That's a peace talk.
32:48This is an honor needing an olive branch from him.
32:50Let's just have to be a peace talk.
32:51Let's just move on.
32:52It doesn't matter.
32:53Things were said.
32:54Yeah.
32:55They're just going to move on.
32:56And what can we do to make this better for our kids?
32:58And for us to be in the same room, too,
32:59because if we're going to all do family reunions like I wanted
33:02and get together like I wanted, this needs to happen.
33:05But I'm not going to be in that mosh pit, OK?
33:07Cody could be in that mosh pit.
33:08You don't want to be in the dancing mosh pit?
33:10No.
33:11I'll just tackle people.
33:12OK.
33:13OK.
33:14That sounds good.
33:15I've decided to leave.
33:18I'm going to leave Cody.
33:22When I first was leaving Cody, I remember, like,
33:24there were a couple of conversations where I'd be like, look,
33:26I'm sure that we could all get together at some point, you know,
33:30and have a family reunion, you know, once a year or something like that.
33:33And everyone kind of looked at me like I was a fool.
33:36But getting the kids together would be an awesome thing.
33:38I don't need to see the adults.
33:40But the kids need to get together, for sure.
33:45If you want to have a reunion, a family, and I'm all for it.
33:48I have zero.
33:49I'm not jealous.
33:50I'm not insecure about them all having to get together.
33:54Because my main focus on is the kids having a good relationship
33:57with everybody.
33:58If you don't start having a relationship with your kids now,
34:01down the road when you need them, they're not going to be there.
34:05And I tell you, don't let people walk all over you.
34:07No, I won't.
34:08So there you go.
34:09I won't.
34:12No, it's not going to be like it was before.
34:14I mean, I wouldn't allow it.
34:15I wouldn't put up with it.
34:15And David, oh, my God, he'd become unglued.
34:18If Cody started to be mean or aggressive towards me
34:21or anything like that, no, no, God, David, no,
34:23he wouldn't allow that.
34:25But I wouldn't either.
34:26He wants to have a relationship.
34:28I just don't think he knows quite how to.
34:31No, I don't need to talk about anything with Cody.
34:33I would love to see him have a better relationship
34:35with his kids.
34:37If he's extending an olive branch here,
34:39we'll really then have a better relationship with my kids.
34:41You know?
34:42Put them first.
34:44I love you.
34:45Love you, too.
34:47Do you ever feel like our breakup was just inevitable?
35:01By the time it happened, I didn't see that we were ever
35:05going to turn around.
35:06OK.
35:07But I mean, I was really ready to move on.
35:11So Cody and I, as any relationship does,
35:13just had, like, ups and downs, and some of our lows
35:16were pretty low.
35:17And we always managed to come back.
35:19You stay and talk.
35:19I'm done listening to you.
35:21You stay and talk.
35:22Uh, no.
35:23I'm not going to, because you're not listening.
35:26You're not listening to me.
35:27And I'm not going to.
35:28OK, so we're done?
35:29Goodbye.
35:29you.
35:32The last time, I didn't want to reconcile.
35:34I didn't have any desire.
35:36The kids were definitely older.
35:37I didn't need the family's financial support as much.
35:42Like, it just, it just, there wasn't a lot of reasons
35:44to work through it.
35:46I feel like we've needed an olive branch, the entire family.
35:49And Janelle, you give a high honor
35:52in being the person I felt the safest with
35:54to start offering that olive branch.
35:57Oh, we did.
35:58We had a good, we had a, we had a great, like, like, I,
36:02I'm grateful for what we had.
36:04Yeah.
36:04I really am.
36:07Yeah.
36:07Thank you for being cool about this.
36:10I'm glad you came.
36:13Like, it was a great relationship.
36:14I still care about him.
36:16And I think he still cares about me.
36:17But I don't, he's not in my life.
36:20And I'm not going to be in his life.
36:21And there's nothing there now.
36:24I wish he had a better relationship with the children.
36:26Because then, you know, then there would be
36:28a little bit more cohesion for the family.
36:30But I don't know.
36:32That's not, that's a long ways away, I suspect.
36:34I was thinking, though, Garrison can qualify, I think,
36:39for a military headstone.
36:41And I think he would love that.
36:42Because the military was a big part of his,
36:44like, what he loved, right?
36:45OK.
36:46Yeah, he'd like him.
36:47So it's a matter of filing paperwork?
36:48Yeah.
36:49And I've got half of it done.
36:50I mean, I guess if you wanted to come up and meet me there,
36:52we can do that.
36:53So would it just be you and I going there to place the headstone?
36:56I'm OK.
36:57It doesn't have to be a big deal.
36:58Yeah, let's do it.
36:59We'll both go up there.
37:00OK.
37:00I mean, that's fine.
37:01Like, we can just meet there or something, you know what I mean?
37:04Yeah.
37:04All right.
37:06You know, I didn't know what to expect coming.
37:10I'm grateful for the experience.
37:11And I'm grateful he came.
37:12It's been healing to hear some of those things.
37:15That's a great idea.
37:16Thanks for meeting with me.
37:17I really appreciate it.
37:20I think it went very well.
37:22Chanel was very gracious.
37:23She was very kind.
37:25I felt like she made it easy to do this apology.
37:31Like, this is a pilgrimage.
37:33And I have planned it for so long.
37:36And I've needed this for four years.
37:40Boy, there's a lot of pressure.
37:42It's windy.
37:43The door wasn't easy to open.
37:46All right.
37:47Anyway, thanks for meeting with me.
37:48I really appreciate it.
37:49We'll see you.
37:50All right.
37:50See you later.
37:51All right.
37:55Yeah, I've got two more wives to visit with.
38:00I get a little bit nervous thinking that it could go really,
38:03really wrong.
38:07This is my journey.
38:09This is something I am required to do.
38:12My hope is for them to receive it well.
38:15And if they don't, then we'll go back to God and say,
38:19what next?
38:20Do I do it again?
38:22I don't know.
38:25Next time on Sister Wives.
38:31Is there any part of you?
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