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00:00Hey, look, look, look, look, this ain't no special track, this ain't no hot-ass motherfucker, but we gon'
00:08I'ma-
00:08Oh, I like that too. That's, uh, wait a minute now.
00:16We might have to rock that motherfucker.
00:30We might have to rock that motherfucker.
01:00We might have to rock that motherfucker.
01:29The no-show, we set a league record, and then we won the country.
01:33Fuckin' A.
01:34I see an opportunity here.
01:35To relax, recharge?
01:37To ruin everything.
01:38Dude, you are no fun at all.
01:39They haven't stopped the party since the tournament.
01:41And they ain't stopping until they drank from the cup at every landmark in Sudbury.
01:44Where now?
01:45Including, but not limited to,
01:47The Beef and Bird,
01:50Bridge of Nations,
01:53and Bell Park Splash and Run.
01:55We know the off-season is dangerous for hockey players.
02:01Sluts.
02:01But it's summer in Sud Vegas. Let's take a break.
02:04I'm all for enjoying everything that comes along with winning.
02:06Super. Moving right along.
02:07But we've got to keep our guys between the lines.
02:09Fuck these guys. Let's party.
02:11Half of them have gone home for summer. That's only half the headache. Kick back.
02:14You want to be the best? Your work is never done.
02:16Yawn.
02:17We have a reputation to uphold.
02:18So your job this summer is to...
02:20Caretake. Babysit.
02:22Uphold it. Keep our guys between the lines.
02:25We've had some tall orders with this gig, but this one's the Matterhorn.
02:28This is Kilimanjaro.
02:30This is Kang Chang Junga.
02:31Why?
02:31Because they're obsessed with getting invited to Weird Sudbury.
02:34The party?
02:35Get it, get it, drop it low.
02:37All long, let it go.
02:39Get it, get it, drop it low.
02:41All long, let it go.
02:43You got to know someone on the inside.
02:44And they're out there working every angle.
02:46What is it exactly?
02:47Good and weird.
02:48People have no idea how funky things get in these northern Ontario towns.
02:51So what are you going to do?
02:52Beer and a shot.
02:53I mean, if you're not going to kick back for a sec after accomplishing everything you
02:57could possibly accomplish with this team in this country, what's your job this summer?
03:01Sure, Z.
03:04Life after hockey is tough.
03:06It's an identity for these guys, and they don't know what to do when it's over.
03:10He put his body on the line for us, night in, night out, and never complained.
03:14Just go to, you can't go no more.
03:16Good soldier.
03:17Now that he can't go for us in here, we owe it to him to make sure he's okay out there.
03:21The hockey world looks out for each other.
03:23Let's be there for our guy.
03:24Let's help him find his way.
03:26Bulldog hockey, baby.
03:27Hell yeah, fuck yeah.
03:29Oh, hey, that lady from the seminar last year called, and she wants to talk to him.
03:32To Shorzy?
03:33Yeah.
03:33Jill.
03:34She looks like Charlize Theron.
03:36Where is he?
03:37Starting his new chapter.
03:51You're a motherfuckin' just like, just like that.
03:53You're a motherfuckin' bat.
03:55Just like that.
03:55Okay, smile.
03:56You're a motherfuckin' just like, just like that.
03:58You're a motherfuckin' bat.
03:59Stop.
04:01You smile like you've got a thumb up your ass.
04:03But you look gorgeous.
04:05Me?
04:06No, her.
04:08Merci.
04:09Doesn't she look fabulous?
04:10Bit young, but...
04:11Sit.
04:14Congratulations.
04:15You are two-thirds of Bro Dude's new hockey show, Three on One, a sports show where three
04:19panelists discuss one topic.
04:20How's it feel?
04:21C'est malade.
04:21Don't care at all.
04:22What sets this sports show apart?
04:24It's short, quick hits.
04:26Hockey talk that pops into your social media feed and hooks you in before you can scroll down,
04:29click away, or watch porn instead.
04:30That's the goal anyway.
04:31We will be targeting a social media audience with the attention span of an iPad baby, so
04:36don't dick around.
04:37You will have mere seconds to captivate generation and patient before losing them.
04:41Seconds.
04:42But, don't worry.
04:43Anique's tits buy us at least five.
04:45Shorzy?
04:45What's left of him?
04:46Between your dental work and wardrobe, you're Bro Dude's new $10,000 man.
04:50Can I dip?
04:51You look pretty.
04:52C'est vrai.
04:52What do you think?
04:53I think you're maybe a fuckin' idiot if you think you got anything going for you here
04:56other than her tits.
04:57Actually, Shorzy, you're the draw.
04:59You think?
05:00I do.
05:00And you're maybe a fuckin' idiot, too.
05:02The two of you will be permanent fixtures of three-on-one.
05:05Those are your seats.
05:07In the coming weeks, we'll be test-driving a few personalities for this third seat.
05:11See if we can't find a winner.
05:12Who's our first experiment, Em?
05:13Shorzy, you've built an impressive audience on the Bro Dude Network by being a complete dick
05:18to your opponents.
05:19Disrespectful in general?
05:20I'd be sticking every one of them in the nuts right now if I could.
05:23We thought it might be fun to find an opponent you would respect.
05:27They didn't find one?
05:28We found one.
05:28Who?
05:30Let's get on the go, boys.
05:33Jim.
05:33Yeah.
05:33Jim.
05:34Yes.
05:34Jim.
05:35Dolo, I don't think I texted on your birthday this year, so happy bladed, buddy.
05:38What do you have, missus?
05:40Plenty of room for everyone.
05:42Welcome aboard.
05:46Sorry, boys.
05:48She's full of the bread.
05:49We'll get you on the way back.
05:50Welcome to 3-on-1, presented by Bro Dude Energy.
06:07I'm your host, Annika Archambault, with the guy you all know as Shorzy.
06:10And with us today is one of the great captains of all time.
06:14One of the most beloved Leafs ever.
06:16And certainly the most respected, mesdames et messieurs, Dougie Gilmore.
06:20Thank you for having me, Annika.
06:21Dougie Gilmore.
06:22Today's topic, who is the best fighter in hockey?
06:25Shorzy, we'll start with you.
06:27You should start with Dougie Gilmore.
06:28I like to move clockwise.
06:30Shorzy, best fighter in hockey.
06:31She should start with Dougie Gilmore.
06:33Why are you talking to me?
06:34Hockey people will want to hear from Dougie Gilmore.
06:37Just Doug works.
06:37That time Marty McSorley stuck the elbow out on you, I almost went through the TV screen.
06:42Oh, yeah?
06:42I said, that's Dougie Gilmore.
06:44Well, what I hear, you'd elbow me the same way.
06:46Elbow Dougie Gilmore?
06:47Doug works.
06:48No, I respect you too much.
06:50Stick the elbow out on Marty.
06:52Cuts!
06:53Say, top three NHL tough guys of all time.
06:56You got Marty?
06:57This isn't the Shorzy we want.
06:59Was the tooth a mistake?
07:00Hockey players respect the hierarchy.
07:02You can't beat it out of them.
07:03He respects Dougie Gilmore too much.
07:06He'll always defer to him.
07:07Who's number one?
07:08Joey Kosher.
07:09Then let's find someone he respects less.
07:20Welcome to 3 on 1 presented by BroDude Energy.
07:23I'm your host, Annika Archambault, with the guy you all know as Shorzy.
07:26And joining us today is legendary fighter, Stanley Cup champion, not to mention the great
07:32one's protector, mesdames et messieurs, Marty McSorley.
07:35Thanks for having me, Annika.
07:36Today's topic, who is the best fighter in hockey?
07:39Shorzy?
07:40You should start with Mr. McSorley.
07:42He threw straight down the pipe.
07:44Then I look forward to his answer right after yours.
07:46She should start with Mr. McSorley.
07:48You're talking to me again, Shorzy.
07:49I'm not on the show, remember?
07:50Mr. McSorley threw straight down the tube.
07:53I don't want to be called Mr. McSorley.
07:54You don't talk to me either.
07:56Let's stay focused here, gentlemen.
07:57I thought you didn't respect Marty.
07:59Who said I didn't respect Mr. McSorley?
08:00If you don't want him talking to you, then you can't talk to him.
08:02He said he'd stick the elbow out on Marty.
08:04Don't talk to me either.
08:05That doesn't mean I don't respect him.
08:07Don't call me Mr. McSorley.
08:08I'd stick the elbow out on a small disabled dog if it got me a W.
08:12I'm not your dad.
08:13Well, you might be with the hours you put on the old work bench, eh?
08:16God, Bach Mac.
08:17Huh?
08:17I don't know his mom.
08:18Well, neither do I.
08:19But if I did, I'd hope she'd bang Marty McSorley.
08:22Stop talking to me.
08:24What a flop.
08:25It's not a flop.
08:26What a bust.
08:26Oh, it's not a bust yet.
08:27Well, if it is, his dental work's coming out of your paycheck.
08:30There's got to be a way to get the Shorzy we want.
08:32He's just, he's got to feel like he has a seat at the table.
08:35This isn't a hard job.
08:36We call action, you show us your personality.
08:38Well, we need someone who will trigger his personality.
08:40Someone who'll get him going.
08:41Well, we started with somebody he respects, then somebody he respects less.
08:46He built off his audience, teeing off on people he doesn't respect at all.
08:50Maybe we shouldn't complicate this.
08:52Give the people what they already know and love.
08:53You're right.
08:54He's our protagonist of our panel.
08:56He's our hero.
08:57Exactly, ma.
08:59So let's find him a villain.
09:05Nat?
09:11Sean Avery?
09:13The one and only, baby.
09:14You got Sean fucking Avery?
09:16Love him or hate him, you can't wait to hear what he says next.
09:18No, that's Don Cherry.
09:20This is Sean Avery.
09:21You're familiar with my work.
09:22Yeah, the biggest rat of all time.
09:23How do you call me the biggest rat of all time?
09:25It looks like a duck and swims like a duck.
09:27I said rat.
09:28Why are you talking about ducks?
09:29Never suspended once, but the biggest rat of all time?
09:31You're a rat too, Shorzy.
09:32You guys should get along great.
09:33Yeah, that's actually high praise coming from me.
09:35Who are you again?
09:36Save it for the show.
09:37You don't know what you're doing at all, eh?
09:38What's that come on?
09:39Half the people see us come on are going to see him and go click.
09:42I beg to differ.
09:43Is everyone set?
09:44What are they clicking there, Shorzy?
09:45A TV from the 1950s?
09:47Just go.
09:48We're rolling.
09:48Welcome to 3 on 1 presented by Bro Dude Energy.
09:51I'm Annika Archambault with a guy you all know as Shorzy.
09:54And today's guest panelist is the man who reset the bar for pests in hockey.
09:58The ultimate irritator, the infamous...
10:00Never suspended once.
10:01Sean Avery.
10:02I never get sick of hearing my own name.
10:04Today's topic, who is the best fighter in hockey?
10:06Shorzy.
10:07Yeah, definitely start with him.
10:08If it's a question about the NHL, I only played about 600 games.
10:11So let's hear from the real grizzled vet first.
10:14Are you going to sit like that the whole time?
10:16Like what?
10:17Like a woman.
10:17This makes you uncomfortable?
10:19No, it makes me uncomfortable as you're wearing enough cologne for 20 broads.
10:22It's not my cologne.
10:23That's her labia.
10:24That's my hair product.
10:25It's her fallopian tubes.
10:26But if we're talking about hair...
10:27We're not talking about hair.
10:28We're getting a little thin up there, Shorzy.
10:30Best fighter in hockey.
10:31The front of your hair looks like a piece of land that juts out into a body of water.
10:34What's that called?
10:35A peninsula?
10:36You're a fucking peninsula head.
10:37Oh, well, look at your patchy ass beard.
10:39It's not patchy.
10:40Yeah, I've seen patchier.
10:41Looks like a group of islands out in the water.
10:43What's that called?
10:44An archipelago?
10:44Yeah, your narcopelago face.
10:46Point your weird head down to the camera.
10:48Oh, I bet you'd love for me to point my head down.
10:50Your hairline looks like a hairpin turn on a racetrack.
10:53You're a fucking hairpin turn head.
10:56Oh, you're the funniest guy in Canada, Avery?
10:57I'm actually American now.
10:59Of course you are, you fucking border hopper.
11:01I'm a dual citizen living in L.A.
11:02Fucking fence rider.
11:03I love the U.S.
11:04We'll borrow a cup of sugar from your neighbor, you get shot in the dick.
11:07And that's all for three on a different topic than the one we had planned, but I doubt
11:11anyone's complaining.
11:12Stay tuned for more from BroDude Energy.
11:15Who's clicking away from that?
11:21It's a progress to provocation.
11:23Why isn't he here for this?
11:25Sure is he?
11:26No, Bart Simpson.
11:27Because he doesn't care.
11:28Right.
11:29At all.
11:29That really bugs me.
11:31And it's a Sudbury Saturday night.
11:33You won't miss one of those.
11:34What happens on a Sudbury Saturday night?
11:44What happens on a Sudbury Saturday night?
12:14They're going to ruin everything.
12:21They're everywhere.
12:23Where?
12:23Including, but not limited to, the Big Nickel, Science North, and Diamond's Gentleman's Club.
12:30Get these guys to behave.
12:37Get us into weird Sudbury.
12:40You'll never see us behave so good as what we does.
12:42The woman from the seminar's called again.
12:46The one who looks like Charlize Theron?
12:48She wants to talk about setting up a mentorship program.
12:51You gotta be kidding me.
12:52No, it's no joke, Zeke.
12:53I got a full rack, and now I got tens throwing rocks at my windows in the middle of the night.
12:57I like the teeth.
12:58Tanger's gone home for the summer if you want to do something about it.
13:01Nope.
13:01New teeth, beard quaffs, spray tan.
13:04Can't get used to it.
13:05You look like you got queer-eyed by a blind guy.
13:06I got tens all over me.
13:08You know what it is.
13:09Settle down.
13:09Now I'm just like Goody.
13:10He went tubing with two tens on Tuesday.
13:12Really?
13:13You got a tuggy on a tube?
13:16Yeah, Goody got a tube tuggy.
13:17Really?
13:17Yeah.
13:18Really?
13:18Yeah.
13:20That's so cool.
13:21Tubing's unbelievable.
13:22Yeah, the boys love tubing.
13:23Tens, eh?
13:24Two.
13:24Come find me.
13:25I'll teach you how to make him Wim Hof.
13:26All right.
13:28Best team in the country.
13:30Yeah!
13:31Best spy!
13:32I'll never get sick of saying it.
13:33Good for it.
13:34Congratulations.
13:35Not seriously?
13:36Cut the fuck up, Michaels.
13:37As I've said before, it's important to celebrate the win.
13:39Yeah.
13:40To relish the victory.
13:41Yeah.
13:42To commemorate the triumphs.
13:43Yeah.
13:44But there is a reasonable amount of time to celebrate something like this,
13:48and I think that you've surpassed it.
13:50It's time to turn off the tap.
13:53As if on the pressure, at the very least.
13:54And do what?
13:56Get busy doing something else, slut.
13:58All the boys are busy.
13:59No, you're not.
14:00All the boys are busy.
14:01With what?
14:01Did you not just hear me say Goody went tubing with two tens?
14:04On Tuesday.
14:05So?
14:06So Goody got a tuggy on a tube.
14:07All right, guys.
14:08They're not occupying.
14:09That's a nice place.
14:10What are you so busy with, Dolo?
14:11Getting neck on a kneeboard.
14:12Hitch?
14:13Coitus on a catamaran.
14:14You?
14:15Fucking deep throat on a houseboat.
14:17You know, I'm a villain.
14:18Shut the fuck up, Michaels.
14:19It's the off-season, Nat.
14:21Summer in South Vegas.
14:22Take a break from the Bulldogs.
14:23Fucking A.
14:24Zeke.
14:25Take a break from hockey.
14:26Co-sign.
14:27Me?
14:27And come out with us and just crush beer.
14:30Beer?
14:31No.
14:32We have spent the last two years establishing a glowing reputation in the city of Sudbury.
14:37We've filled our rink with families.
14:39We've hosted educational seminars for kids.
14:41And one webinar.
14:41The Bulldogs are positive members of this community.
14:45And I won't have it going to shit with you guys acting like idiots all summer.
14:51Well, Natalie, there is the matter of weird Sudbury.
14:55The party?
14:56Get it, get it, drop it low.
14:58Oh, no, let it go.
15:00Get it, get it, drop it low.
15:02Oh, no, let it go.
15:04You gotta know someone on the inside.
15:05Perhaps you does.
15:07What is it exactly?
15:08It's good and weird.
15:09Can we double click on that for a second?
15:10Can you piss me off so much more we're not playing hockey?
15:12No.
15:17Okay, boys.
15:18Who wants to get a handy in a hammock?
15:20Yeah.
15:21Fine.
15:23We will get you guys into weird Sudbury.
15:25Yeah.
15:26But you have to keep it between the lines until then.
15:28Define between the lines.
15:30Okay, go have fun.
15:31You've earned it.
15:32Do it.
15:34Just don't overdo it.
15:40Deal.
15:43Big weekend in Sudvegas, Shorzy?
15:46Treat the missus to some Eastside Mario's or what?
15:49Maybe a little DQ drive-thru?
15:50He's done after today, right?
15:52Sean?
15:52Yeah.
15:53He served his purpose.
15:55He got Shorzy to be Shorzy, but we must continue evolving.
15:58Should have stayed here for the weekend, big fella,
16:00taking you shopping.
16:01That's pretty gay, Sean.
16:02You'd have been just a weapon of mass destruction in T.O.
16:05Yeah, I got a full rack and 100 DMs from 10s.
16:07So many girls hinged, downloaded you, eh?
16:09Take two steps, I'm tripping over ass.
16:11I'm coming out with you, big man.
16:12Just a couple of swinging dicks in the 416.
16:14Welcome to 3-on-1 presented by BroDude Energy.
16:17I'm Annette Carchambault with the guy you all know as Shorzy.
16:19And returning to the panel today is infamous super pest...
16:22Plog.
16:23Sean Avery.
16:24Hear that?
16:24What?
16:25Thousands of people hearing your name and changing the channel.
16:27It's a web show, Charlie Brown.
16:29Today's topic is concussions.
16:31Head trauma.
16:32Yeah, it looks like Sean's got face trauma.
16:34What does that even mean?
16:35It means it looks like someone beat you over the face with a shovel.
16:37They didn't, I'd know.
16:38You're a shovel face, Sean.
16:39And how your hairline managed to retreat that much further over the weekend, it's remarkable.
16:43Thanks.
16:44If I lived above a face that ugly, I'd seek higher ground, too.
16:47Moving right along.
16:48It's low tide on Shorzy's beachfront.
16:50Head trauma in hockey.
16:51It's a good topic for you, Shorzy.
16:52Concussions ended your career recently, right?
16:55Correct.
16:55How many conkeys?
16:56Let's go through them.
16:57That'll be fun for me.
16:58Let's start with the last one.
16:59You know, it was the craziest thing.
17:01I come to, there's 20 broads standing around me, all 10s.
17:04I bet.
17:04And the one before that?
17:05I come to, there's three French broads mid-orgasm.
17:08I'm not even fully hard yet.
17:09Okay.
17:10And the one before that?
17:11I come to, I'm banging a nine with a bunch of dead 10s on the ground that she fought to
17:14the death for me.
17:15I would love to see what a 10 looks like in your mind, Shorzy.
17:18Her.
17:18Oh, well, I know whose side I'm on.
17:20Bit young, but...
17:21Woo-hoo!
17:21I told you.
17:24You told me.
17:25I was right.
17:26Yep, we've really got something here.
17:28Shorzy.
17:28Let's get some fucking crab rangoon.
17:30You were great today.
17:31Congratulations.
17:32You must be proud.
17:33Don't care at all.
17:34Why?
17:35Because I'd rather be in Sudbury getting a beach on a boat.
17:38You really don't care about any of this?
17:40Coming to Toronto, being on a TV show?
17:43It's a web show.
17:44Nope.
17:45Then why are you here?
17:47I can't play hockey anymore.
17:49And I'm worried about what will happen to me if I have a moment to sit with that.
17:56You're coaching with Sanger next season.
17:58Yes.
17:58No.
17:58Yes.
17:59No.
17:59Why not?
18:00Because not having the option to get out there and do something myself would drive me to drink.
18:05Drinking on the bench now is kind of fun.
18:07Yeah, it does.
18:08I won't convince you to coach Shorzy, but for now, Brodard is giving you an opportunity
18:12to stay in hockey.
18:13It's not hockey.
18:14It's what you've got.
18:15This is it.
18:16You're not going into the corners anymore.
18:18You're not driving hard to the net.
18:19You're not punching anybody in the back of the head.
18:21You need to turn the page.
18:24This is how you keep contributing.
18:26It doesn't scratch the itch.
18:30What's your favorite thing about it?
18:32About what?
18:33Hanukkah.
18:34Huh?
18:34Hockey, idiot.
18:35Winning?
18:36You love to win.
18:37Well, I hate to lose.
18:39You need to create a scenario in this where there's a winner and a loser.
18:43How do you...
18:44You may not care about being on TV, but you care if you win.
18:47So, if the show does well, you win.
18:49If it doesn't...
18:50I lose.
18:52And then you'll have a moment to sit with it.
18:54You may not care about being on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you're not going to be on TV, but you
19:24Look what these TV people did to your face.
19:45Why?
19:46It's like a face for radio.
19:48You're not that ugly.
19:49It doesn't matter.
19:50I've got bigger fish to fry.
19:51Oh, do you?
19:52Oh, yeah.
19:52Do you really?
19:53I do like crazy.
19:54He's got a TV gig in Toronto, but he's got bigger fish to fry.
19:57I've got more pressing matters.
19:59He gets to sit and gab with a hot French girl, but his mind is elsewhere.
20:02It's miles away.
20:03Where?
20:04I mean, on what?
20:04Or why?
20:06Because this is the summer I close on Laura Moore.
20:09Oh, yeah?
20:09Oh, yeah.
20:10What does that mean?
20:12More sleepovers?
20:13Oh, many more sleepovers.
20:14Like, maybe we sleep over more than we don't.
20:20This is going really well.
20:22I know.
20:23Yeah?
20:23And I'm scared.
20:24I'm terrified.
20:25Shut up.
20:25I'm flailing on the inside.
20:27Look, you've got to be careful when you've got kids, Shorzy.
20:29I don't let just any dude in.
20:30I've got to be sure.
20:32And for me to be sure, you've got to be sure.
20:34Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.
20:35You just won best team in the country.
20:37We?
20:37I'm sure you're going to want to enjoy the perks that come along with that.
20:40It's summer in South Vegas.
20:42It's not fucking Playa del Carmen.
20:44I know what goes on.
20:45It's not fucking Belo Horizonte.
20:46I'm ready to take things to the next level.
20:49But I need to be sure that you're sure.
20:51So go have fun with the boys.
20:55See if you're sure.
21:01What?
21:02Even when you're slamming the door in my face, I'm an absolute pile for you.
21:09I know.
21:10Even when you're being just ruthless, I think you're so fucking hot.
21:13I know.
21:14I think you're so fucking cool.
21:16You can get hotter than me.
21:17No, I can't.
21:18You have.
21:19No, I haven't.
21:19What about Morgan Thiel is hot?
21:21You seen her lately?
21:22Kelly Adamson.
21:23If you're into body positivity...
21:25Erica Duncan is super hot.
21:27I know you banged her.
21:28No.
21:28No, she's not super hot.
21:29No, I never banged her.
21:30Why?
21:31Because her bedroom is fucking disgusting.
21:33You didn't bang her because she's messy?
21:35You try getting hard when it reeks like cat litter.
21:38Over in South Vegas.
21:40Are you sure you don't want me to come inside, hang and fold your laundry?
21:43I'm serious.
21:43Take your new look out on the town.
21:45I look like I got groomed at pet value.
21:47I like everything but the tooth.
21:49Well, broads seem to like the tooth.
21:51A lot of broads out there, shorty.
21:53But this is the summer I close on Laura Moore.
21:56We shall see.
21:58You really think some movie star looking mom is just going to come along and say I want you?
22:07I want you.
22:28One, two, three, three, four, seven, two, five, four, five.
22:37I want you.
22:47I want you.
22:47I'm so in you, baby
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