- 1 week ago
Tv, Mind Your Language - S03 - E05 - Guilty Or Not Guilty
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00:00PAPA PAPA PAPA
00:30enter I brought you some coffee miss Courtney I shall be wanting it this
00:49morning thank you Gladys I have to be at the court in half an hour. tennis court?
00:53magistrates. oh my goodness what have you done
00:58Well, I haven't done anything. I am on the bench. I am a JP.
01:02Oh, very nice. Any juicy bits?
01:05I beg your pardon.
01:07Well, you know, like you read in the Sunday papers,
01:09husband finds wife in bed with lover.
01:12No, Gladys.
01:14Just the usual amount of football hooligans and drunken disorderly, that sort of thing.
01:19Enter.
01:20Thank you, Gladys.
01:23I brought the stockroom keys back.
01:25Well, you'd better hang on to them, Sydney. I shall not want them today.
01:27She's in court.
01:29Court what?
01:31Court.
01:33Magistrates court.
01:33Go on. Have you been nicked?
01:35Nicked?
01:36I've got a friend of mine to defend you, and if he can't get you off,
01:39he'll bang a few quid to the JP.
01:41Most of them are bent.
01:44I am a JP.
01:46I was only joking.
01:48Well, I sincerely hope you were.
01:50I'll see you two tomorrow.
01:52Yeah, well, don't be too hard on anyone, will you?
01:54Remember, a person is innocent until he's proved guilty.
01:58Yes.
01:59Well, I have often thought that should be the other way round.
02:02Well, you should know best.
02:05Oh, I'd hate to come up before her.
02:07Me neither.
02:09With people like her on the bench, no wonder they demolish the death sentence.
02:12Oh!
02:13Oh!
02:24Case number one has been put back until after lunch.
02:27Oh, very well.
02:28Let's get on with it.
02:31Call case number two.
02:32Call case number two.
02:33Good heavens.
02:55Miss Courtney, what are you doing here?
02:57I am the presiding magistrate.
02:59Oh, blimey, we are being in luck.
03:02We are born to be getting off scotty-free.
03:05Silence in court.
03:07I take it you know these people, Miss Courtney.
03:09I must certainly do.
03:10Well, are you sure you won't be prejudiced in their favour?
03:12If I am prejudiced, it certainly won't be in their favour.
03:16Inspector, isn't it a little unusual for the police to bring so many defendants before the bench at one time?
03:22The duck seems a little overloaded.
03:24The case is rather unusual, madam.
03:27The accused, though acting individually, did in fact commit the offences collectively.
03:35I see.
03:37What are the charges?
03:38Miss Chung Su Lee and Mr. Taro Nagazumi inciting a riot.
03:42I demand diplomatic immunity.
03:44Silence.
03:46Mr. Giovanni Coupello and Miss Daniel Favre disturbing the peace.
03:50Mr. Ranjit Singh and Mrs. Jamila Ranjaf causing an affray.
03:55Please, I am not understanding what he is meaning.
03:58And I am not being understand also, Master Ji.
04:01But he is reading out the charges.
04:03You mean we are having to pay for being here?
04:07More than likely.
04:08Will you please be quiet?
04:10Sorry.
04:11Mr. Ali Nadim and Miss Anna Schmidt causing a public nuisance.
04:15Mr. Juan Cervantes and Mr. Maximilian Papandrios assaulting a police officer.
04:21He assault us first.
04:23She.
04:23He hit my fist with his jaw.
04:29Another remark like that.
04:31I shall hold you in contempt.
04:33Por favor.
04:33Speak when you are spoken to, Juan.
04:36Sorry.
04:36Wrong number.
04:38How are you on with the charges?
04:39That's all.
04:40What about Mr. Brown?
04:42Oh, I am not charged with anything.
04:43What are you doing in the dock?
04:45I've come here to speak on their behalf.
04:47He's our mouthpiece.
04:49Sure.
04:50He's going to spring us.
04:54You see, Miss Courtney, the wrong...
04:56Stop.
04:57You must come down onto the floor of the court if you wish to address the bench.
05:01Oh, right.
05:07You see, Miss Courtney, the wrong...
05:08Stop.
05:09I am not Miss Courtney.
05:12Funny.
05:12She looked like Miss Courtney.
05:16You will kindly address me as your honour.
05:18Sorry, Miss Courtney.
05:20Uh, your honour.
05:21But there are mitigating circumstances, and I'm sure that when you've heard what these students
05:24have to say, you will decide to act leniently.
05:27We'll see about that after we have heard the explanation.
05:30Yes.
05:30Well, it all happened last Friday evening after class.
05:34As part of their homework, I decided to give the students various tasks to perform, things
05:38to do, places to visit.
05:40Sue Lee and Tara, would you tell the court what happened in your case?
05:43Take the stand, please.
05:50Take the book in your right hand and read what's on the cart.
05:53Yes, sir.
05:53I swear by almighty God, that the evidence I shall give shall be the truth.
06:00No.
06:01Are you saying that you are not going to tell the truth?
06:03The Republic of China not breathe in Christian religion.
06:04What do you believe in?
06:05Chairman Mao.
06:06Very well.
06:07Do you swear by Chairman Mao that the evidence you give shall be the truth and the whole truth
06:10and nothing but the truth?
06:11In Democratic Republic of China, there's no loom for eyes.
06:12Truth is absolute.
06:13So say Chairman Mao.
06:14I think we can accept that as an affirmation.
06:15Proceed.
06:16The task Mr. Blount, Errol Kate, Tutallo and me is visit Speaker's Corner in Hyde Park to
06:18observe all it is.
06:19I say to you again, ladies and gentlemen, do not be deceived by assuring the truth.
06:20What do you believe in?
06:21What do you believe in?
06:22What do you believe in?
06:23Chairman Mao.
06:24Very well.
06:25Do you swear by Chairman Mao that the evidence you give should be the truth and the whole truth
06:26and nothing but the truth?
06:27In Democratic Republic of China, there's no loom for eyes.
06:28Truth is absolute.
06:29So say Chairman Mao.
06:30I think we can accept that as an affirmation.
06:31Proceed.
06:32Proceed.
06:33To Tutallo and me is visit Speaker's Corner in Hyde Park to observe all it is.
06:37I say to you again, ladies and gentlemen, do not be deceived by assurances of a so-called
06:42change of attitude in China.
06:44They are still governed by dictators.
06:47The people are still oppressed.
06:49Lovish.
06:50It is not.
06:51China is still an aggressive nation.
06:56It is Western imperialists who are aggressors.
06:59China is still a free democracy.
07:01Now who's talking rubbish?
07:03You are.
07:04If you don't like it over here, get back to where you came from.
07:07Don't speak like that to my friend, don't.
07:09You are ignorant, but there is wacky.
07:11You are.
07:12Now calm down.
07:13If you wasn't a lady, I'd thump you.
07:15I have news for you.
07:17I am no rabies.
07:31You see, it was a political act of self-defence.
07:35Not our fault.
07:36You may stand down.
07:38Who's next?
07:40Mr. Giovanni Capello and Miss Favreau.
07:44Take the book in your right hand and read what's on the card.
07:48Not likely.
07:49I'm not a swear on a Protestant Bible.
07:53We are Catholics.
07:54I swear by the Pope.
07:55Give him a Catholic Bible.
07:59Okey-cokey.
08:02I promise I'm gonna tell all of the truth.
08:06Me too.
08:08Carry on.
08:09Your Honour, is the like of this?
08:15Mr. Brown, ask us to visit television studios to see how television programmes are made.
08:27Oi.
08:28Yes?
08:29Where do you think you're going?
08:30We got to have a look round.
08:32You're not allowed in here without a pass.
08:34But I'm sure you can look the other way.
08:36Rules are made to be broken, no?
08:38Not by me, no.
08:39But it's for homework, eh?
08:40Sorry.
08:52Hey!
08:53What's that down there?
08:54Where?
08:55Come on.
08:56Hey!
09:02What do we do now?
09:03We have a look round.
09:05Don't worry.
09:06Nobody's gonna find us here.
09:07Let's move.
09:08Wait!
09:09Santa Maria!
09:10Come here!
09:15Quick, in here.
09:22Good afternoon and welcome to another edition of World of Sport.
09:24This afternoon on our search for Sporting Nation...
09:26Excuse me.
09:27It's all right.
09:28Good afternoon and welcome to another edition of World of Sporting Nation.
09:30It's all right.
09:31Which way do we go?
09:32Do you mind?
09:33I'm on air.
09:34Hey!
09:35I've seen you some place before.
09:36You don't have to look like that David Dickey.
09:38David Dickey.
09:39David Dickey, you spaghetti.
09:41Oh, that's all right.
09:42Look, I am Dickey Davis and I'm trying to do a programme.
09:45Come on.
09:46I'm very sorry about that, but when the programme is live, anything can happen, can't it?
09:50As I was saying...
09:51David, can I have your autograph, please?
09:52Thank you very much.
10:02Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome.
10:04My first guest tonight has flown across the Atlantic, especially to be with us.
10:08I think perhaps he's best...
10:12Hey!
10:13I know you.
10:15It's Sir Michael Parkington.
10:17It's not a team on Andrews.
10:19Sorry.
10:20Oh, my God.
10:21Oh, my God.
10:46Oh, my God.
10:47Yes, it's Mr. Brown's fault.
10:49It's Mr. Brown's fault.
10:52Your Honour, I rest my bag.
10:56Oh, no.
10:57Don't you bother.
10:58You rest your case.
10:59Okie-gokie.
11:00I rest my bag, and my case!
11:03Silence!
11:06There is far too much levity in this courtroom.
11:08We will now take a short break and when we come back I shall hope for a little more respect.
11:12I hope for a little more respect, otherwise the court will be clear.
11:40Can we have the next defendants, please?
11:42Mr. Singh and Mrs. Ranja.
11:46What do you swear on?
11:48I never swear.
11:50It's against my religion.
11:52He is being mean swear on holy book.
11:54Thousand apologies. I'm swearing by the Guru Granth Sahib.
11:58May Guru Granth Sahib Jai Di Sung
12:02I am swearing by Almighty God.
12:04I am swearing to tell the obsolete truth and nothing but the obsolete truth.
12:08Carry on.
12:10Master Ji is asking us for our homey work to be take boat on river Thames.
12:14And we comply.
12:16When the weather is fine, then you know it's a sign for messing about on the river.
12:22If you take my advice, there's nothing so nice.
12:24Right now it's very simple.
12:26It's forward to go forward and backwards to go backwards.
12:28What about if you want to go sideways?
12:30What about if you want to go sideways?
12:32I think I am busy, sir.
12:34I think I am busy, sir.
12:35Do you really want to hire this boat?
12:36Most definitely.
12:37Alright.
12:38Switch on.
12:39There's a great boat.
12:40I got you out.
12:41I got your boat.
12:42You're sinking on.
12:43I got you.
12:44I got you.
12:45Here's a great boat.
12:46There's a great boat.
12:47I got you.
12:48Well, I have a great boat.
12:49And I got you.
12:50I got you.
12:51You got you.
12:52I got you.
12:53You got you.
12:54What about you?
12:55I got you.
12:56You got you.
12:57Now I got you.
12:58I got you.
12:59I got you.
13:00What do you want to get me?
13:01I got you.
13:02okay.
13:03Switch on. I'll pass off. Don't put it in gear.
13:07Now I'll tell you something.
13:13The handiest didn't start!
13:15Whee!
13:26You're crashing up the bank!
13:29Oh, please, we're getting out of the way!
13:33Oh, please, we're getting out of the way!
13:37Ah!
13:39Look out!
13:50Don't be!
13:52So I'll leave you right now.
13:55I'll stop you back.
13:57Let's see what happened.
14:00It's a wonder the boat didn't sink.
14:04It did?
14:06Stand down.
14:08Oh!
14:14Not too much.
14:16Who's next?
14:20Mr. Savanti's...
14:22Take the book in your right hand and read what's on the card.
14:34Por favor.
14:35Sure, we tell the truth.
14:37Si, si, si.
14:38I tell you what happened.
14:40No, no.
14:41I tell.
14:42No, no, no, no, no.
14:43I speak good, better English.
14:44No.
14:45I speak better English.
14:47Then you speak better English.
14:49Tell the court what happened, Mr. Savanti's.
14:57Si, signora.
14:58And Mr. Brown, he tell us to go and see the wax wax.
15:05Wax wax?
15:07She say, I tell, not you.
15:12Okay.
15:13So we go to Madame Tussauds.
15:24Hey, I tell you what we do.
15:26You take the photo of me with the British royal family.
15:29Okay.
15:30Which way we go?
15:31We ask.
15:32Where we find...
15:34We want the Queen.
15:36Hey, what's the man?
15:37You a dad?
15:38He's a wax man.
15:39He looks like a real man.
15:40Hey, look.
15:41Here's another.
15:42Ah.
15:43He don't look very nice.
15:44No.
15:45He looks like a dumb.
15:46How'd they kill you?
15:47No.
15:48No.
15:49No.
15:50No.
15:51No.
15:52No.
15:53No.
15:54No.
15:55No.
15:56No.
15:57No.
15:58No.
15:59No.
16:00No.
16:01No.
16:02No.
16:03No.
16:04No.
16:05That's Newet.
16:06What's up?
16:07Banner yum.
16:08Spicken Dobby!
16:09Can I help you, gentlemen?
16:10Yah.
16:11You're a real man.
16:12Yah.
16:13Yeah.
16:15Including the moustache.
16:16A Moustache.
16:17Ma, we are looking for the royal family.
16:18Eh, I'm going to have the picture taken with the Queen.
16:23Hold me now.
16:25Members of the public are not allowed to touch the exhibits.
16:29that's right we not tell nobody thank you very much unfortunately you are too late we are about
16:36to close you will find the exit that way we better go now i want the picture with the queen and
16:54prince we go that way ah there they are ah i go front you take picture okay but be quick
17:08watch the bird
17:11i'll just check in here
17:24yes
17:38come on you two
17:54that's all it's quite enough you may stand down mr nadim and miss schmidt
18:04i swear by almighty god that the evidence i shall give shall be the truth the whole truth and nothing
18:14and what about you oh blimey i'm also swearing but by the holy quran
18:24the teacher is telling us to be visiting i am not tolding you anything ali oh yes please i was being there when you were telling us there's no such word as tolding teacher is right thank you
18:34mr mr brown telled us
18:44the past participle of the verb to tell is told
18:54mr brown may i remind you that you are not here to teach english
19:02yes miss courtney
19:04that you are mr mr brown told us to be visiting the zoo we saw all the animals and on the way out ali decided he wanted to ride on the
19:14the elephant
19:24and on the elephant
19:26excuse me please we are wanting to have a ride on elephant
19:30hard cheese
19:32would you like a hearty dog
19:34what
19:35what
19:36you were saying your cheese is hard so i'm offering you my honey dog
19:40why don't we start again they would like a ride on the elephant
19:44well you can't
19:45why not
19:46you are not allowed on the elephant without a keeper
19:49we are wanting to be riding on elephant not the keeper
19:52how would you do to be back
19:54i've no idea
19:56you go for keeper
19:58no i go for paint
20:00you come
20:02you come
20:04hello hello hello
20:06oh it is an indian elephant
20:08how do you know that
20:09it has a bigger head and longer nose
20:11oh blimey
20:12it is pinching my heart
20:16hey uh but
20:17what are you doing
20:18we are going to be riding on elephant
20:20no we're going to keep her
20:22don't worry i know everything about elephant
20:24please be getting up
20:25it may be dangerous
20:26oh no
20:27indian elephants are most peaceful people
20:29oh
20:30we are only going to be sitting
20:31climb please
20:32climb
20:33hey
20:34tell it
20:35come ali
20:36oh
20:37you are very high
20:40oh yes
20:41when i was being a little boy
20:43in daily
20:44i used to ride elephant
20:46oh yes
20:47to be going on left side
20:49you are pulling left ear
20:51to be going on the rightwards
20:53you are pulling right ear
20:54and to be stopping
20:56you are pulling both ears
20:57yes
20:58yes
20:59yes
21:00what about starting
21:01to be starting
21:02to be starting
21:03you bang on head
21:04away
21:06yes
21:07yes
21:08oh
21:10yes
21:11no
21:12yes
21:13yes
21:14yes
21:15What happened to the elephant?
21:35It went for a bath in the lake.
21:37Unfortunately, we are still sitting on it.
21:40You may stand down.
21:42Mr. Brown, have you anything to say before I give judgment?
21:46Yes, Miss Corley.
21:48Yes, Your Honor.
21:49I beg the court to show clemency in this case.
21:52These poor unfortunate people are guests in our country.
21:56They have journeyed from their native lands to our shores to learn our mother tongue.
22:00Why?
22:01Because they admire our English way of life with its long tradition of hospitality,
22:05free speech, justice, and above all, fair play.
22:08They have committed no offense in their eyes.
22:10They were merely carrying out their duties as they saw them.
22:14I mean, but I only have to look at them to see that they are not criminals.
22:19I'm sure the court will find them innocent.
22:21If anyone is guilty, it is I.
22:24Bravo!
22:28Thank you, Petrocelli.
22:30Well, having regard to your impassioned plea for mercy, the court tends to agree with your remarks.
22:40The accused are more misguided than mischievous.
22:44Therefore, the court finds the defendants not guilty.
22:47Now, there, the court agrees with Mr. Brown that if anyone is guilty, he is.
22:55To have sent out these poor unfortunate students on such foolhardy errands is highly irresponsible.
23:02It is a pity that the court cannot punish you.
23:05But be warned, Mr. Brown, if you ever come before this bench again for whatever reason,
23:10you will be severely dealt with.
23:13The court will adjourn.
23:15Thank you, Mr. Brown.
23:21Thank you, Mr. Brown.
23:22Hey, Petrocelli, you want to come for a drink?
23:26Oh, no thanks, I'm driving.
23:27Is this your car, sir?
23:41Yes.
23:42Having trouble with your memory, are you, sir?
23:45Pardon?
23:46Your road tax disc has run out, sir.
23:48Ah, well, I'm sure I've applied for it.
23:50What's going on, the hospital girls?
23:52Another tax dodger, madam.
23:55Really?
23:55Well, while you're at it, constable, why don't you check his lights and his tyres?
24:01How about his insurance?
24:03I shall be sitting again tomorrow.
24:06LAUGHTER
24:07APPLAUSE
24:25APPLAUSE
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