#Mind Your Language
#Season 3
#Episode 5
#Guilty Or Not Guilty
#Funny TV Show
#Season 3
#Episode 5
#Guilty Or Not Guilty
#Funny TV Show
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Do-do-do-do-do
00:30Do-do-do-do-do-da
00:32Do-do-do-do-do-da
00:34Pop pop pop pop pop pop pop
00:38Pop pop pop pop pop
00:39Enter.
00:46I brought you some coffee, Miss Courtney.
00:48I shall not be wanting it this morning, thank you, Gladys.
00:50I have to be at the court in half an hour.
00:52Tennis court?
00:54Magistrates.
00:55Oh, my goodness. What have you done?
00:58I haven't done anything.
01:00I am on the bench. I am a J.P.
01:03Oh, very nice. Any juicy bits?
01:06I beg your pardon.
01:07Well, you know, like you read in the Sunday papers,
01:10husband finds wife in bed with lover.
01:13No, Claudius.
01:14Just the usual amount of football hooligans and drunken disorderly,
01:17that sort of thing.
01:20Enter.
01:21Thank you, Claudius.
01:23I brought the stockroom keys back.
01:25Well, you'd better hang on to them, Sydney. I shan't want them today.
01:28She's in court.
01:29Court what?
01:31Court!
01:32Magistrates Court.
01:34Go on. Have you been nicked?
01:36I've got a friend of mine to defend you,
01:38and if he can't get you off, he'll bang a few quid to the J.P.
01:41Most of them are bent.
01:43I am a J.P.
01:46I was only joking.
01:48Well, I sincerely hope you were.
01:50I'll see you two tomorrow.
01:52Yeah, well, don't be too hard on anyone, will you?
01:55Remember, a person is innocent until he's proved guilty.
01:58Yes.
01:59Well, I have often thought that should be the other way round.
02:01Well, you should know best.
02:03Oh, I'd hate to come up before her.
02:07Me neither.
02:08With people like her on the bench, no wonder they demolish the death sentence.
02:13Oh!
02:14Oh!
02:25Case number one has been put back until after lunch.
02:28Oh, very well.
02:29Let's get on with it.
02:31Four case number two.
02:32Four case number two.
02:33Four case number two.
02:34Good heavens.
02:35Miss Courtney, what are you doing here?
02:36I am the presiding magistrate.
02:37Oh, blimey.
02:38We are being in luck.
02:39We are born to be getting off scotty-free.
02:40Silent in court.
02:41Oh, I take it you know these people, Miss Courtney.
02:42I must certainly do.
02:43Well, are you sure you won't be prejudiced in their favour?
02:44I am the presiding magistrate.
02:45Oh, blimey.
02:46We are being in luck.
02:47We are born to be getting off scotty-free.
02:50Silent in court.
02:51Oh, I take it you know these people, Miss Courtney.
02:56I must certainly do.
02:57Well, are you sure you won't be prejudiced in their favour?
02:59If I am prejudiced, it certainly won't be in their favour.
03:02Inspector, isn't it a little unusual for the police to bring so many defendants before
03:06the bench at one time?
03:07The dock seems a little overloaded.
03:08The case is rather unusual.
03:09I am the result of the police of the police.
03:10What are you doing here?
03:12I am the presiding magistrate.
03:13Oh, blimey.
03:14We are being in luck.
03:15We are born to be getting off scotty-free.
03:17Silent in court.
03:18Oh, I take it you know these people, Miss Courtney.
03:19I must certainly do.
03:20Well, are you sure you won't be prejudiced in their favour?
03:21If I am prejudiced, it certainly won't be in their favour.
03:24The case is rather unusual, madam.
03:27The accused, though acting individually,
03:30did in fact commit the offences collectively.
03:35I see. What are the charges?
03:38Miss Chung Su Lee and Mr Taro Nagazumi inciting a riot.
03:42I demand diplomatic immunity.
03:44Silence.
03:46Mr Giovanni Coupello and Miss Daniel Favre disturbing the peace.
03:50Mr Ranjit Singh and Mrs Jamila Ranjaf causing an affray.
03:55Please, I'm not understanding what he's meaning.
03:58And I am nobody to understand also, Master Ji.
04:01But he's reading out the charges.
04:03You mean we are having to pay for being here?
04:07More than likely.
04:08Will you please be quiet?
04:10Sorry.
04:11Mr Ali Nadim and Miss Anna Schmidt causing a public nuisance.
04:16Mr Juan Cervantes and Mr Maximilian Papandrios
04:19assaulting a police officer.
04:21He assault us first.
04:23Jane, he hit my fist with his jaw.
04:29Another remark like that, I shall hold you in contempt.
04:33Por favor.
04:33Speak when you are spoken to, Juan.
04:36Sorry, wrong number.
04:38Carry on with the charges.
04:39That's all.
04:40What about Mr Brown?
04:42Oh, I'm not charged with anything.
04:43What are you doing in the dock?
04:45I've come here to speak on their behalf.
04:47He's our mouthpiece.
04:49Sure.
04:50He's going to spring us.
04:55You see, Miss Courtney, there are...
04:56Stop.
04:57You must come down onto the floor of the court
04:59if you wish to address the bench.
05:02Oh, right.
05:07You see, Miss Courtney, there are...
05:08Stop.
05:09I am not Miss Courtney.
05:12Funny.
05:12She looked like Miss Courtney.
05:16You will kindly address me as your honour.
05:18Sorry, Miss Courtney.
05:20Uh, your honour.
05:21But there are mitigating circumstances
05:22and I'm sure that when you've heard what these students have to say,
05:25you will decide to act leniently.
05:27Well, we'll see about that after we have heard the explanation.
05:30Yes.
05:31Well, it all happened last Friday evening after class.
05:33As part of their homework,
05:35I decided to give the students various tasks
05:37to perform, things to do, places to visit.
05:40Sue Lee and Tara, would you tell the court what happened in your case?
05:43Take the stand, please.
05:50Take the book in your right hand and read what's on the cart.
05:53Yes, sir.
05:55I swear by almighty God
05:57that the evidence I shall give shall be the truth.
06:01The whole truth is nothing but the truth.
06:04Take the book in your right hand and...
06:06Are you saying that you are not going to tell the truth?
06:09The Republic of China not breathe in Christian religion.
06:11What do you believe in?
06:12Chairman Mao.
06:14Very well.
06:15Do you swear by Chairman Mao
06:16that the evidence you give should be the truth
06:18and the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
06:20In Democratic Republic of China,
06:22there's no loom for eyes.
06:23Cloth is absolute.
06:24So say Chairman Mao.
06:26I think we can accept that as an affirmation.
06:30Proceed.
06:31Task Mr. Blount allocate to Tullo and me
06:34is visit Speaker's Corner in Hyde Park
06:36to observe all it is.
06:37I say to you again, ladies and gentlemen,
06:39do not be deceived by assurances
06:41of a so-called change of attitude in China.
06:44They are still governed by dictators.
06:47The people are still oppressed.
06:50Lavish.
06:50It is not.
06:52Lavish.
06:53China is still an aggressive nation.
06:56It is Western imperialists who are aggressors.
06:59China is still a free democracy.
07:02Now who's talking rubbish?
07:04You are.
07:05If you don't like it over here,
07:06get back to where you came from.
07:08Don't speak like that to my friend.
07:09You are.
07:10You are.
07:10You are.
07:10You are.
07:10You are.
07:10You are.
07:12Now calm down.
07:14If he wasn't a lady, I'd jump here.
07:16I have news for you.
07:18I am no rabies.
07:19You see, it was a political act of self-defense.
07:36Not our fault.
07:37You may stand down.
07:39Who's next?
07:40Mr. Giovanni Capello and Miss Favreau.
07:44Take the book in your right hand
07:46and read what's on the card.
07:49Not the likely.
07:50I'm not to swear on a Protestant Bible.
07:53We are Catholics.
07:54I swear by the Pope.
07:56Give him a Catholic Bible.
07:57Oh, okie-kokie.
08:02I promise I'm going to tell all of the truth.
08:06Me too.
08:08Carry on.
08:12Your Honor,
08:13is the like it is?
08:15Mr. Brown asked us to visit television studios
08:18to see how television programs are made.
08:27Oi.
08:28Yes?
08:29Where do you think you're going?
08:31We've got to have a look round.
08:32You're not allowed in here without a pass.
08:35But I'm sure you can look the other way.
08:37Rules are made to be broken, no?
08:39Not by me, no.
08:41But it's for our homework.
08:43Sorry.
08:52Hey!
08:53What's that down there?
08:55Where?
08:55Come on.
08:57Hey!
09:02What do we do now?
09:04We have a look round.
09:06Don't worry.
09:06Nobody's going to find us here.
09:08Wait!
09:08Santa Maria.
09:09Oh, dear.
09:15Quick.
09:15In here.
09:16Shh.
09:22Good afternoon
09:23and welcome to another edition of World of Sport.
09:25This afternoon,
09:25on our search for Sporting Nation,
09:27it's all right.
09:27It's all right.
09:30But which way do we go?
09:31You mind, I'm on air.
09:32Hey,
09:33I've seen you someplace before.
09:36You don't have to look like that David Dickey.
09:40David Dickey, you spaghetti.
09:42Oh, that's right.
09:43Look, I am Dickey Davis
09:44and I'm trying to do a program.
09:46Come on.
09:47I'm very sorry about that,
09:48but when the program is live,
09:49anything can happen, can't it?
09:51As I was saying.
09:51David,
09:52can I have your autograph, please?
09:53Oh, my God.
10:02Thank you very much.
10:03Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
10:04and welcome.
10:04My first guest tonight
10:06has flown across the Atlantic,
10:07especially to be with us.
10:08I think perhaps he's best now.
10:12Hey,
10:13I know you.
10:15It's Sir Michael Parkington.
10:17It's not a primo name, Bruce.
10:20Sorry.
10:21Oh, my God.
10:22It's Mr. Brown's call,
10:49not mine.
10:52Your Honour,
10:54I resta my bag.
10:56No, no.
10:57No, Jubilee,
10:58you rest your case.
11:00Okey-gokey,
11:01I resta my bag
11:02anda my case.
11:05Silence.
11:07There is far too much levity
11:08in this courtroom.
11:09We will now take a short break
11:11and when we come back,
11:12I shall hope for a little more respect.
11:14Otherwise, the court will be clear.
11:16Can we have the next defendants, please?
11:42Mr. Singh and Mrs. Ranja.
11:46What do you swear on?
11:48I never swear.
11:50It's against my religion.
11:52He is being mean swear on holy book.
11:54Thousand apologies.
11:56I'm swearing by the Guru Granth Sahib.
11:58No, I am be swear by Almighty God.
12:17I am be swear to tell the obsolete truth
12:20and nothing but the obsolete truth.
12:24Carry on.
12:26Master G has asked us
12:28for our homey work
12:29to be take boat
12:30on River Themis.
12:32And we comply.
12:32When the weather is fine
12:38Then you know it's a sign
12:40For messing about on the river
12:43If you take my advice
12:46There's nothing so nice
12:48Well, that's very simple.
12:50It's forward to go forward
12:51and backwards to go backwards.
12:53What about if you want to go sideways?
12:57I think I am busy, sir.
12:59You really want to hire this boat?
13:01Most definitely.
13:02All right.
13:03Switch on.
13:04I'll cast off.
13:05Don't put it in gear
13:07until I tell you something.
13:12I'm just stopping you.
13:14The hand is doing stuff.
13:15Wait!
13:16Oh!
13:21Help!
13:23Help!
13:25I'm crashing up the bed!
13:29Oh, please be getting out of the way!
13:32Oh!
13:32Help!
13:53Help!
13:54Help!
13:54It's a wonder the boat didn't sink.
14:04It did?
14:06Stand down.
14:19Who's next?
14:22Mr. Cervantes.
14:24Take the book in your right hand and read what's on the card.
14:34Por favor.
14:36Sure, we tell the truth.
14:38Si, si, si.
14:40I tell you what happened.
14:41No, no.
14:42I tell.
14:43No, no, no, no.
14:44I speak good, better English.
14:45No, I speak better English.
14:48Then you speak better English.
14:50Eh, si, men, let's...
14:50Eh, no, let's allow it.
14:52Tell the court what happened, Mr. Cervantes.
14:58Si, senora.
15:00Eh, Mr. Brown, he tell us to go and see the wax wax.
15:06Wax wax?
15:09She say, I tell, not you.
15:12Okay.
15:15So we go to Madame Tussauds.
15:24Hey, I tell you what we do.
15:27You take the photo of me with the British royal sign.
15:30Okay.
15:31Which way we go?
15:32We ask.
15:33Where we find...
15:37We want the queen.
15:41Hey, what's the man?
15:42You're dead?
15:46He's a wax man.
15:49You're well.
15:51He looks like a real man.
15:53Hey, look.
15:54Here's another.
15:55Ah.
15:56He don't look very nice.
15:58He looks like a dumb.
16:00How'd they get moustache?
16:03Good.
16:04On a yam.
16:06Hey, hey, hey.
16:07It's a spickin' dolly.
16:09Can I help you, gentlemen?
16:11Yeah.
16:12You're a real man.
16:14Yes.
16:15Including the moustache.
16:17We are looking for the royal family.
16:19Eh.
16:20I'm going to have the picture taken with the queen.
16:24Ah, me now.
16:25Members of the public are not allowed to touch the exhibits.
16:29That's right.
16:31We not tell nobody.
16:32Thank you very much.
16:34Unfortunately, you are too late.
16:35We are about to close.
16:37You will find the exit that way.
16:49We better go.
16:51Now.
16:51I want the picture with the queen and prince Philip.
16:55We go.
16:57That way.
16:57There they are.
17:02Ah.
17:03I go front.
17:04You take picture.
17:04Okay.
17:05But be quick.
17:07All right.
17:08Watch the bird.
17:11I'll just check in here.
17:13All right.
17:34Ash!
17:34Ash!
17:34Ash!
17:34Ash!
17:35Ash!
17:35Ash!
17:35Come on, you two.
17:39Don't move.
17:47Come on, you two.
17:48Come on.
17:49Come on.
17:50Come on.
17:52Come on, you two.
17:52Come on, you two.
17:53it's quite enough you may stand down mr. Nadim and miss Schmidt I swear by
18:09Almighty God that the evidence I shall give shall be the truth the whole truth
18:12and nothing but the truth and what about you oh blimey I'm also swearing but by
18:20the Holy Quran oh yes proceed please jelly good teacher is
18:35tolding us to be visiting I am not told in you anything early oh yes please I was
18:40being there when you were telling us there's no such word as told in teacher
18:45is right thank you mr. Brown held us the past participle of the verb to tell is
18:53told mr. Brown may I remind you that you are not here to teach English yes miss
19:02Courtney up sorry mr. laddie mr. Brown told us to be visiting the zoo we saw all the
19:11animals and on the way out Ali decided he wanted to ride on the elephant see the
19:16elephant with a long trunk swinging the great big ears and a long trunk swinging
19:19sniffing up the peanuts and the long trunk swinging they all day we're going to the
19:24zoo excuse me please we are wanting to have a ride on elephant
19:29hard cheese would you like a hearty dog what he was saying your cheese is hard so I'm offering you
19:38my hearty dog why don't we start again they would like a ride on the elephant well you can't why not
19:46you are not allowed on the elephant without a keeper we are wanting to be riding on elephant not the keeper
19:52have no idea you go for people no I go for fine oh it is an Indian elephant how do you know that it
20:09has a bigger head and longer nose we are going to be riding on elephant don't worry I know
20:23everything about elephant please be getting up it may be dangerous oh no Indian
20:27elephants are most peaceful people we are only going to be sitting climb please climb
20:32oh yes when I was being a little boy in daily I used to ride elephant oh yes to be going on left
20:48side you're pulling left here yeah to be going on the rightwards you're pulling right here and to be
20:55stopping you're pulling both yes what about starting to be starting you bang on head
21:02go
21:07bring me
21:13yeah
21:24and
21:26what happened to the elephant event for a boss in the lake unfortunately we are
21:38still sitting on it you may stand down mr. Brown have you
21:44anything to say before I give judgment yes miss Corby oh yes your honor I beg
21:49the court to show clemency in this case these poor unfortunate people are
21:54guests in our country they have journeyed from their native lands to our shores to
21:59learn our mother tongue why because they admire our English way of life with its
22:03long tradition of hospitality free speech justice and above all fair play they have
22:09committed no offense in their eyes they were merely carrying out their duties as
22:12they saw them everybody has to look at them to see that they are criminals I'm
22:20sure the court will find the minutes and if anyone is guilty it is I thank you
22:29Petrocelli
22:34well having regard to your impassioned plea for mercy the court tends to agree with
22:39your remarks the accused are more misguided than mischievous therefore the court finds
22:45the defendants not guilty the court agrees with mr. Brown that if anyone is guilty he
22:54is to have sent out these poor unfortunate students on such foolhardy errands is highly
23:00irresponsible it is a pity that the court cannot punish you but be warned mr. Brown if
23:07if you ever come before this bench again for whatever reason you will be
23:11severely dealt with the court will adjourn
23:16thank you mr. Brown thank you mr. Brown thank you mr. Brown thank you mr. Brown thank you mr. Brown
23:24yeah prophet sorry you want to come for a drink oh no thanks I'm driving
23:27is this your car sir yes having trouble with your memory are you sir
23:44pardon your road tax disc has run out sir oh well I'm sure I've applied for it
23:50what's going on another tax dodger madam well while you're at it constable why
23:58don't you check his lights and his tires how about his insurance
24:02I will be sitting again tomorrow
24:05you
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