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00:30Hello, and welcome to QI, where tonight we're asking who, what, and most importantly, why, with a welter of W questions.
00:39What do you say we meet our guests?
00:42What a treat, it's Deliso Chiponda.
00:47What a joy, it's Cariad Lloyd.
00:52What a pleasure, it's Susan Kalman.
00:54And what the blazes, it's Alan Davis.
01:04And why don't we hear their questionable buzzers.
01:07Cariad goes...
01:09Deliso goes...
01:18We should just have a disco.
01:22Yeah.
01:23Susan goes...
01:24Why?
01:26Why?
01:29And Alan goes...
01:33Because, because, because, because, because, I say so!
01:40Right.
01:41What questions do toddlers ask the most?
01:44Are we nearly there yet?
01:46Oh, there you go.
01:47Oh, there you go.
01:48Oh!
01:53This is the issue.
01:54What is the issue?
01:55Don't like them.
01:58Questions or children?
01:59Children.
02:00OK, fine, OK.
02:01Because they are unrelentingly honest.
02:03Yes.
02:04Yes.
02:05They are taller than me.
02:10And I have previously been swept up at a museum in a coat party.
02:17When they said, back to the bus everyone.
02:19And I went, I'm not...
02:20OK, fine.
02:21And I got on a bus.
02:22Yeah.
02:23So, I don't like children, but for some reason, they really like me.
02:26They see you as one of their own, that's why.
02:28Yeah.
02:30Alan, stop printing that!
02:33Are you my real dad?
02:38Isn't it just, they say, why, and then you answer, then they say, why,
02:42and then they keep saying, why, until you collapse and scream, why?
02:47Yes, so, we think that is the question, but in fact, the question that they ask most is, what?
02:52What?
02:53Yeah.
02:54What?
02:55So, that's how they learn about the world.
02:57Most of the time, it's what?
02:58The number of why-style questions, which is when you want an explanation rather than a fact,
03:04it does increase as you get older.
03:05So, it's just about 3% if you're under 2 and 43% when you approach 4 years old.
03:11But even at their peak, they are in the minority.
03:14And parents think that why questions are more common because, frankly, it's more difficult to answer.
03:19They did a study at the Society for Research in Child Development in 2017.
03:23The average child between 2 and 5 asks 107 questions.
03:28Oh, that's fine.
03:30107 questions per hour.
03:32Oh, yeah.
03:33Yes.
03:34Instead of contraception, they just need to put that back.
03:38Yes.
03:39Yes.
03:40And little boxes.
03:41Yes.
03:42It's one in every 33 seconds.
03:43Would it be possible to get them to submit the questions in advance?
03:48I think so.
03:49But this study that they did, there was a child called Adam.
03:52He asked an average of 198 questions per hour.
03:55And his parents are divorced and doing their best.
03:59It's almost 30% more questions than you get on a standard episode of University Challenge.
04:04They're harder.
04:06But the numbers plummet the minute they enter the education system.
04:08So, there was a psychologist called Susan Engle and she looked at kids in elementary school in America
04:13and they found they asked two to five questions in a two-hour period.
04:17And as they get older, it seems to get worse.
04:20One child put their hand up and asked in class, you know,
04:23if there were any places in the world where no one made art,
04:26which I think is a really good question.
04:27And the teacher replied, no questions now, please.
04:30It's a time for learning.
04:32But we thought we'd try a few interesting questions for you.
04:36You can try and answer if you like or you can tell me what you think about the questions.
04:40So, my first question is, have you ever been decapitated?
04:43Yes.
04:44Yes.
04:45I mean, like, not in the Anne Boleyn sense, but like, you know, metaphor,
04:49I've lost my head, frequently.
04:51Do you get cross?
04:53I get cross.
04:54I think shorter people get cross quicker.
04:56Mm, I get very cross very quick.
04:58Because people ignore you and they don't see you.
05:01I don't think I've ever been decapitated.
05:03Yeah.
05:04Do I do that?
05:06Dear diary, today I don't ignore me.
05:10But is there another meaning of decapitated, apart from having your head cut off?
05:14They did this question on a US quiz show called The Power of Ten in 2007.
05:18And so the contestants have to predict what answer the public are going to give to a particular question.
05:23Oh, OK.
05:24And to this question, have you ever been decapitated, 4% said yes.
05:28It's part of something called the Lizardman's Constant.
05:32OK.
05:33So there's a psychologist called Scott Alexander Siskin and he came up with this idea.
05:37And it's the approximate percentage of responses to a survey when a person clearly isn't taking it seriously.
05:42Oh.
05:43Oh, right.
05:44So the name came from a 2013 survey that found that 4% of Americans believe that lizard men are running the earth.
05:51Right.
05:52They might also not know the meaning of decapitated and think it means drunk or something.
05:56Oh, incapacitated.
05:57Yeah.
05:58Incapacitated.
05:59Yeah.
06:00OK, here's another question.
06:01Are you a narcissist?
06:02Oh, of course.
06:03We're comedians.
06:04What would you like?
06:05So you say yes.
06:06What would you say?
06:07And of all the narcissists here, I am the best narcissist.
06:09LAUGHTER
06:10APPLAUSE
06:11There is a certain something about parading yourself and hoping that people like you and laugh at your jokes and think that you're fabulous.
06:25So I think probably yes.
06:27So are you going to say yes over here?
06:29Erm, let's talk about me a little bit more.
06:31LAUGHTER
06:32Sometimes I am.
06:34Sometimes I'm not.
06:35It's difficult.
06:36What do you think about me?
06:37LAUGHTER
06:38So typically, when they were testing a person for narcissism, it was a 40-question questionnaire, right?
06:44Mm-hm.
06:45And it was things like, does the thought of ruling the world frighten you or do you think it would be a better place if you were in charge?
06:49Yes.
06:50Yes.
06:51Yes.
06:52Next question.
06:53So what happened was in 2014, there was a team from Ohio State University and they realised you could get just the same accuracy of results by asking a single question.
07:01And the question is, are you a narcissist?
07:03LAUGHTER
07:04And actually, narcissists say yes.
07:06Oh!
07:07They believe that they are superior and they don't mind saying so.
07:10So they saved 39 questions that they didn't have to ask.
07:14LAUGHTER
07:15Two points for anybody who can name the two people in this famous painting?
07:18Narcissus.
07:19Narcissus is...?
07:20Narcissus is...?
07:21The guy looking at the...
07:22You're looking in the mirror, yeah.
07:23He falls into the water.
07:24Who's the person that...?
07:25That's Narcissus' very free friend.
07:30I'm going to call her...
07:31Alison.
07:32Alison.
07:33She's...
07:34Alison.
07:35She's like, you're not going to upstage me by falling in that pond.
07:37I'm going to get one tit out.
07:38Everyone is going to...
07:39LAUGHTER
07:40Look at me, Narcissus.
07:41Look at me!
07:42LAUGHTER
07:48What do you mean the good one?
07:49There's always...
07:50LAUGHTER
07:55There's one...
07:56Sandy's not a narcissist apart from her boobs, which is like...
07:59They're both great.
08:00There's always one that's a bit...
08:01My breasts are perfect.
08:02There's one that's a bit perkier that you go, alright,
08:05and then there's the one you go, buck up.
08:07Yeah.
08:08It's Echo.
08:09Oh, Echo, of course!
08:10Who falls in love with narcissists.
08:12She was a chatterbox and she got cursed to always repeat the end
08:15of somebody else's sentence rather than making her own sentence.
08:17And that's where we get the...
08:18That's where we get her?
08:19The concept of the...
08:20The concept of the...
08:21The concept of the...
08:22LAUGHTER
08:23It's so lovely to see you.
08:25It's lovely to see you.
08:26You're going to do that the whole show?
08:28The whole show.
08:29LAUGHTER
08:30OK, another question.
08:32Yep.
08:33Red or green?
08:34Definitely green.
08:35I found this out the hard way.
08:37OK.
08:38So, in university, I went to a kissing party, right?
08:43And when you went into the party, you chose to put around your...
08:46either red, green or orange.
08:49Right.
08:50And if you chose green, you're open to kissing everybody.
08:53OK.
08:54If you chose red, you don't want to kiss anyone.
08:56And then orange, you're picky.
08:57Right.
08:58And I, at heart, was green, but I thought you want to seem picky.
09:03Oh, OK.
09:04And so I chose orange, and all the green people are having way more fun.
09:09Yeah.
09:10Traffic light parties.
09:11Yeah.
09:12Oh, you...
09:13Yeah, you used to do them in the old, er, clubs in Glasgow, and...
09:16Find yourself thinking, oh, wouldn't you catch viruses?
09:19Yes.
09:20LAUGHTER
09:21That's a sign of age.
09:23But the issue is, as I discovered, having also gone to one of those, er, traffic light parties,
09:27having worn entirely everything green.
09:29I was as green as you could possibly get.
09:31Just being green doesn't mean anyone wants to kiss you.
09:34LAUGHTER
09:35I'm here!
09:36LAUGHTER
09:37OK, let me tell you, red or green is an official state question in New Mexico.
09:43Oh, so the red party or the green party?
09:45No, it's nothing to do with politics or whatsoever.
09:47Oh, chillies!
09:48It refers to your favourite type of chilli sauce.
09:50Mmm!
09:51OK, here's another question.
09:52What was the worst thing about the great whisky fire at Dublin?
09:57Terrible waste of whisk?
09:59Mmm!
10:00Yes.
10:01Well...
10:02LAUGHTER
10:03APPLAUSE
10:04Oh!
10:06Irish distilleries did not pay any tax on whisky until it was about to be sold,
10:11and so they often allowed it to mature in these duty-free warehouses.
10:15And the warehouse, this particular one, had 5,000 barrels in it,
10:18which, today, is like £8 million worth of whisky.
10:21Wow!
10:22It went up in smoke on the 18th of June, 1875.
10:25Nobody really knows why.
10:26By the early hours, most of the barrels had burst.
10:28There was a sort of burning river of whisky in the streets.
10:31Oh, God.
10:32The flow was two foot wide.
10:33It was six inches deep.
10:34I mean, it would look...
10:35I imagine it looked like the flames on a Christmas pudding.
10:37Yeah, yeah.
10:38It was extraordinary.
10:3913 people died, but none of them were harmed by the fire.
10:42They died?
10:43Yes.
10:44So they all died of...
10:45From trying to drink hot whisky?
10:46Well, either acute alcohol poisoning after drinking alcohol straight from the street,
10:50or from the filth mixed in with it.
10:52Yeah.
10:53If you drink anything out of a gutter, it's not good, is it?
10:56LAUGHTER
10:57People came from all over Dublin for this free hot...
11:01Right, right.
11:02They used their hats, their boots to scoop it up.
11:05People were, as you say, supping straight from the street.
11:08There's one place, according to one report, a house burnt down during a wake.
11:14The family saved the body from the fire, but went right back to the whisky.
11:18LAUGHTER
11:19Now, why could they not just put water on it?
11:21Isn't that...
11:22With alcohol, you can't...
11:23I mean...
11:24You've got to get the wet tea towel.
11:25It's like oil on top of water.
11:26It was impossible.
11:27So what they did was they built a dam out of ash and horse manure to stop them.
11:31People carried on drinking.
11:33LAUGHTER
11:34A little horse manure cocktail right there.
11:37Everybody was safely evacuated, including pigs and horses at Round Wild.
11:41One man was arrested for stealing a barrel of whisky that had escaped and rolled down the streets.
11:46I like this.
11:47He was fined £1, and the barrel was sent to a nearby hospital to be given to the patients.
11:52Some of whom, presumably, were already suffering from alcohol poisoning.
11:56LAUGHTER
11:57Now, who washed Hitler's wig?
11:59Wow.
12:00I'm very much hoping that you're going to reveal that the wig is his moustache.
12:04Oh.
12:05And he had a wig moustache, kind of like a merkin or something.
12:08LAUGHTER
12:09Coincidentally, this is genuine.
12:11Yeah.
12:12The only other time I've painted myself green.
12:14LAUGHTER
12:17I did a sketch when I first started out in comedy,
12:20and I was completely naked apart from a merkin for...
12:23Can we just explain to anybody who doesn't know...
12:24It's a pubic wig.
12:25Can I just say the Victoria and Albert Museum has a merkin department
12:29and you can ask to see them?
12:31LAUGHTER
12:33I would be very happy to show you mine.
12:36I retained it.
12:37And the sketch was I painted myself green and I jumped out of a wardrobe shouting,
12:41I'm a wee goblin!
12:42So...
12:43LAUGHTER
12:44I remember that sketch!
12:45Yes!
12:46Yes!
12:47I was not looking at the merkin.
12:49LAUGHTER
12:50Her boobs are just slightly...
12:52LAUGHTER
12:53APPLAUSE
12:55That's great!
12:57That's genuine!
12:59That's genuine!
13:00Look, there's one better than the other.
13:03So, anyway, I retained the merkin as a beautiful souvenir of...
13:08something I shouldn't have done.
13:10LAUGHTER
13:11Is it that he had doubles?
13:15So, we are talking...
13:16A double?
13:17A doppelganger of some kind?
13:18Where might you find such a thing in London, for example?
13:20Oh, at Madame Tussauds.
13:21Madame Tussauds, exactly.
13:22Wax music.
13:23Madame Tussauds.
13:24So, it was hit by a bomb in 1940, 352 waxwork heads were destroyed,
13:28but Hitler's was just covered in rubble, and his and other surviving heads,
13:33including Mussolini's, had a post-bombardment shampoo.
13:37LAUGHTER
13:38And were put back on display.
13:39But during the war, did they need a wax version of him?
13:42LAUGHTER
13:43And did they need to number it so people would be like,
13:45one, two, five, who's that?
13:46Oh, yeah.
13:47LAUGHTER
13:48Well, it's been there since 1933, and since it was installed,
13:52people have tried to destroy the waxworks,
13:54doused in red paint, decorated with a sign that said mass murderer.
13:57By 1936, it had been repaired so many times
14:00that they decided to put the whole thing in a glass case,
14:03and they only took Hitler off display in 2016
14:06when neo-Nazis started taking selfies.
14:08Oh, gosh.
14:09Even there till 2016?
14:102016, yeah.
14:11While we are on wax, you've each got a candle.
14:14Can you guess what those candles are meant to smell like?
14:17Ooh.
14:18So, let's start with you, Alan.
14:20What do you think that smells like?
14:23Oh!
14:24Oh!
14:25Nice and a bite!
14:26That's horrendous!
14:27What it is, it's garlicky and acrid, and I don't know why
14:30anybody would want this.
14:31It's supposed to smell of mustard gas.
14:34Oh!
14:36Could you just poison Alan for a question?
14:39It's for people who want to evoke First World War battlefields.
14:42Why?
14:43I mean, that really fits.
14:44A lovely sort of dinner party.
14:45I know.
14:46Come in, sit down.
14:47Bit of mustard gas.
14:48Wow.
14:49Cariad, what is your one?
14:50Is that vinegar?
14:51It's chips.
14:52It's cheese and onion.
14:53Oh, is it?
14:54Oh, crisps, yeah.
14:55Deliso?
14:56Mine's actually quite pleasant.
14:57I can't place it, but I know this scent.
14:58Is it, like, licorice or something?
14:59Well, it's petrol.
15:00Oh!
15:01Give us a thing, yeah.
15:02I like it.
15:03I like it.
15:04Do you not remember when you're younger at the petrol station
15:05rolling down the window when your mum was filling up the tank
15:06and just goes, what?
15:07Here's the thing.
15:08The smell of petrol is why one might like it.
15:11It temporarily suppresses the nose of the smell of petrol.
15:13It's an onion.
15:14It's an onion.
15:15Oh, crisps, yeah.
15:16Oh, crisps, yeah.
15:17Do you not remember when you're younger at the petrol station
15:19when you're in the window when your mum was filling up the tank
15:20and just goes, what?
15:21What?
15:22No, here's the thing.
15:23One might like it.
15:24It temporarily suppresses the nervous system, so it gives you
15:27a sort of euphoric feeling, but it's incredibly bad for you
15:30because the chemicals disrupt messaging in the brain
15:33as well as the ability of the blood to carry oxygen.
15:36But that candle promises the joys of that forbidden fragrance
15:40without brain damage.
15:41Oh!
15:44I mean, if you did it a lot when you were younger, like,
15:46you'd be fine.
15:50Just sniff your candle, darling, what have you got?
15:52What do you think that is?
15:56What?
15:57You don't like it?
15:58Is it vomit?
15:59No, it's not.
16:01What is it?
16:02Human breast milk.
16:11I feel we're on a theme with you.
16:13No.
16:14Did you not like it at all?
16:15Which breast did it come from?
16:16I don't know.
16:17I'm sorry, Sanders.
16:18Do you know, of all the things in my life,
16:19for all the questions I've ever had,
16:20what does breast milk smell like?
16:21That doesn't smell her breast milk.
16:22I don't think it does either.
16:23No.
16:24I mean, anyway.
16:25It smells quite sweet.
16:26And breast milk does smell sweet.
16:27Well, it actually doesn't smell that bad.
16:28It's made by an artist called Tasha Marks.
16:29It's not that bad.
16:30Can I just say there's no actual breast milk in it, but she created this smell.
16:34Mixed messages here, Sandra.
16:35She wanted it to smell warm and evocative.
16:37It doesn't smell of vomit.
16:38That's a very unusual reaction, Susan.
16:39That's a vomit candle.
16:40What happened to you when you were being breast milk?
16:41I know.
16:42It's making me feel very uncomfortable.
16:43Delisa, give us some more petrol, then.
16:44Yeah.
16:45Yeah.
16:46Yeah.
16:47Yeah.
16:48Yeah.
16:49Yeah.
16:50Yeah.
16:51Yeah.
16:52Yeah.
16:53Yeah.
16:54Yeah.
16:55Yeah.
16:56Yeah.
16:57Yeah.
16:58Yeah.
16:59Yeah.
17:00Yeah.
17:01Yeah.
17:02Yeah.
17:03Yeah.
17:04Yeah.
17:05Yeah.
17:06Yeah.
17:07Yeah.
17:08Yeah.
17:13Right.
17:14Which Wikipedia articles are 100% wrong?
17:18I bet it's their articles on Encyclopedia Britannica.
17:24There are many problems with Wikipedia, but the way in which it has been sourced is that
17:29anybody with the time and the technology can input, and you don't necessarily have to
17:33know what you are talking about.
17:35So, in 2020, it was discovered that nearly half of the articles on Scots Wikipedia were
17:42written by a North Carolina teenager who didn't speak a word of Scots.
17:47Wow.
17:48Yeah.
17:49He went by the name Amaryllis Gardner, and between the age of 12 and 19, he created over
17:5420,000 articles.
17:55He made hundreds of thousands of edits.
17:58He essentially took English language articles and rewrote them with a Scottish accent.
18:04LAUGHTER
18:05And he then became an administrator and used his power to undo other people's attempts to
18:11correct his work.
18:12Wow.
18:13Wikipedia articles are now being used to train AI models.
18:16So, you might take something which an AI model has told you and not know that it's come
18:20from Wikipedia, and some of those AI models may have trained on the work by the North Carolina
18:25teenager who said that it was Scots.
18:28So, a teenager from North Carolina was writing articles on Scots or Scottish.
18:35He was just using English language articles and rewriting them with what he thought was
18:40a Scottish accent.
18:41LAUGHTER
18:42So it wasn't like Scots Gaelic or anything?
18:44No, no, not even that.
18:45What a very, very niche thing.
18:47Yeah.
18:48Can anybody read the Scots language?
18:50Anybody?
18:51Yeah.
18:52Let's give Susan a go for her.
18:53Yeah, shall we?
18:54Yeah, yeah.
18:55Well, it depends who you know about the Scots language.
18:57Sorry.
18:58Well, it's recognised as one of the three indigenous languages in Scotland.
19:01So, Gaelic, English and Scots.
19:04Yes, Scots.
19:05So, I'm going to put a Scots sentence up from the Scottish Government website on the screen
19:10and see if anybody is a skilled linguist without really knowing it.
19:13In the 2022 census, that number of people reported that they could speak
19:16Scots, with that number of people reporting that they could speak right,
19:20write or understand Scots.
19:22There you go.
19:23That's fantastic.
19:24I love that.
19:29Does that count as a...
19:30No, no, this is...
19:31Don't.
19:32That...
19:36Does that count as a language?
19:38I think it does, Delito.
19:40I think it does.
19:42Burns wrote in Scots.
19:44So, Scots is a language used in poetry and music and it's still used colloquially by a lot of people in Scotland.
19:50But what I mean is...
19:51Yep.
19:52Without ever hearing of this language, I can understand that.
19:56Well, perhaps you're a greater linguist than you are.
19:58OK.
19:59OK.
20:00There is a lot of Wikipedia vandalism.
20:03Willy on Wheels is one of my favourites.
20:05He created thousands of throwaway accounts so that he could just deface Wikipedia articles.
20:10And his most prolific work was simply adding On Wheels to the end of any...
20:16To the end of any article title.
20:18As well as redirecting the news page to a picture of a Willy.
20:22LAUGHTER
20:23You know what?
20:24Genius comes in all forms.
20:25That's right.
20:26You should respect it when we see it.
20:28OK.
20:29Anyway, Wikipedia is the largest collection of knowledge in humanity's history.
20:33It is 85% by and about white middle-class men.
20:36And that is only going to be perpetuated as AI scrapes this data.
20:40But there are some quite funny ones.
20:42The president of FIFA was given an award by South Africa after the Football World Cup was held there.
20:47But the official website took his name from the most recent Wikipedia page, which had been vandalised,
20:53and announced that they had given it to Joseph Sepp Bellend Blatter.
20:57LAUGHTER
20:58Yes!
20:59Yes!
21:00Yes!
21:01Yes!
21:02Yes!
21:03Yes!
21:04There's an Australian electronic band called Peking Duck and they were playing in Melbourne in 2015
21:08and a fan went backstage and said, I'm the lead singer's stepbrother,
21:12and for proof, he showed them the Wikipedia page, which he had changed two minutes earlier.
21:17Wow!
21:18Oh, wow!
21:19What's the biggest waste of time you can think of?
21:22Oh, I...
21:23Yes!
21:24I think they call it doom scrolling.
21:25Oh, doom scrolling, yeah.
21:26Doom scrolling, yeah.
21:27Yeah, where when you're just on your phone, looking at nonsense, scrolling...
21:31I hear about this, but I've never done this in my whole life.
21:34Oh, it's so...
21:35You've never doom scrolling?
21:36You've never just found...
21:37You've gone, oh, I've been here for six hours?
21:38Yes!
21:39No!
21:40What are you looking at?
21:41Like, literally, it's these sites like TikTok or Instagram
21:45where their algorithm has mapped all the things you're mildly interested in.
21:50So, if you like cats and you like comedians, it will find a cat comedian.
21:55Like, literally, it knows you like things you don't even know you like,
22:01and so you just, like, will addictively move from one useless clip to the next.
22:06OK, so I like Danish things and chainsaws. Is that a thing?
22:09Oh!
22:10Oh!
22:11Sandy, now you've said that, the algorithm has had you.
22:13There's solid Danish women chainsawing giant trees now.
22:18I'm not on Facebook or TikTok or anything. I took everything off.
22:20I've only got two apps left on my phone.
22:22What are the two apps?
22:23The only thing I...
22:24Left tit, right tit.
22:25LAUGHTER
22:26One's better than the other. One's better than the other.
22:31I think an app called I Feel a Right Tit is a very...
22:36Meanwhile, what's that woman doing in the desert sounding?
22:38Well, this is the thing that you would not want to be able to tidy up in a desert.
22:41What an incredible waste of time.
22:42There was a guy called William Shanks.
22:44He spent 20 years calculating pi to 707 places, right?
22:50OK, gotcha.
22:51But he made an error which meant that all the digits after 527 were wrong
22:56and it was not discovered until 62 years after his death.
23:00He died in 1882, having wasted a great deal of his life.
23:04Is it really a waste...
23:05Is it really a waste...
23:06No, at the time he wasted it.
23:07When he died, he thought he'd done it right.
23:08So he died a happy man. That's the... That's the main thing.
23:11That's the main thing.
23:12Yeah, but he could have done something else.
23:14But, like, nothing is pointless which brings you joy.
23:19OK, so take this story and tell me whether you would have gone this far.
23:222022, there was a man in Uttar Pradesh called Tungnath Chaturvedi, OK?
23:27And he had been trying to get 20 rupees back from a train ticket since 1999, OK?
23:35And he got it... I admire that.
23:37It took 23 years.
23:39Wow.
23:40So what happened was he asked for a refund on the spot and he was refused, right?
23:43He went through 100 hearings and, in the end, he got his money back.
23:48And his family were furious.
23:49Said it was an incredible waste of time and money.
23:51He said it's not the money that matters.
23:53This was always about a fight for justice and a fight against corruption.
23:57So it was worth it.
23:58Yes!
24:03Absolute legend.
24:04Yeah, go for it.
24:05Anyway, he got his money back.
24:06My favourite of the things that you think,
24:08wow, that's a waste of time, but good on you.
24:101934, Paramount Pictures made an amazing film, which I have seen,
24:13and they called it It Ain't No Sin, right?
24:16So as a publicity stunt, what they did was they got a load of parrots in a room
24:21and they continuously played them the name of the movie, right?
24:24Wow.
24:25Continuously played them It Ain't No Sin.
24:26And the idea was the birds would learn to say it
24:28and then the studio would send one to every single reviewer in the land
24:32and the birds would keep saying the name in the movie.
24:35Unfortunately, at the last moment, the movie which starred Mae West
24:38had to change its name because it was regarded as too risque.
24:43So they changed the name to Belle of the 90s.
24:45And so they had a load of parrots who could say...
24:47It Ain't No Sin.
24:48It Ain't No Sin.
24:49It Ain't No Sin.
24:50But it was completely pointless and they couldn't send them to anybody.
24:52Oh!
24:53I know. Don't you love that?
24:55Don't you love that?
24:56Yeah.
24:57Now, it's time for the second most pointless quiz on television.
25:00General ignorance fingers on buzzers, please.
25:03My first question, do you have common sense?
25:08Deliso.
25:09Naturally, of course I do.
25:10Oh, OK.
25:12I...I don't know.
25:13This is the first time I am going to call to question that ringing.
25:17OK.
25:18So what do you think is common sense, Tony?
25:19Common sense is like acquired logic.
25:23No, acquired like, um, more than logic.
25:27It's just like homespun knowledge.
25:29Right.
25:30So you can't really define it.
25:31Is that what you're saying?
25:32No.
25:33I see your point.
25:34Well, I think part of the problem is that we all disagree.
25:36Oh, I see.
25:37About what common sense is.
25:38So there was a team at the University of Pennsylvania in 2024.
25:41They took a group of over 2,000 people and they asked them to look at more than 4,000 statements.
25:45And then the people had to rate them whether or not they thought they were common sense.
25:49And the idea was that maybe if a large enough cohort of people could agree on something, that statement could be called common sense.
25:55Yeah, yeah.
25:56It's incredibly personal.
25:57So the only things that people could actually agree on were statements of fact.
26:01So a triangle's got three sides.
26:03But statements, things like numbers don't lie, we should always trust the math, all human beings are created equal, things like that seemed more divisive.
26:10Those are the things that people would argue about.
26:12And it's interesting, when they try and decide to program AI systems using human common sense, we're never going to agree as to exactly what that is.
26:20I mean, a lot of it's passed down, that's the problem.
26:22So I still always have money in my purse in case I need to use a phone box.
26:27I mean, good luck with that.
26:31I was at Paddington Station not that long ago and there was a young, young boy who hadn't got his phone and I taught him how to use a payphone.
26:39Wow.
26:40And it was one of the nicest moments of my life.
26:43Are you sure it wasn't a defibrillator?
26:46And I felt great because it felt like all my training as a brownie, finally, 40 years later, come to fruition.
26:56I bet that uniform still fits.
26:59I still have it and I still wear it.
27:02Love that.
27:03Common sense is less common than common sense suggests.
27:09What would a French person call this?
27:11A chaise l'oe.
27:13That was scary, several things were left at once.
27:18What were you going to say?
27:20A lady.
27:21So, not a chaise l'oe.
27:27They use that for a different kind of chair.
27:29A deck chair is a chaise l'oe.
27:31Is it?
27:32Yes, absolutely.
27:33The thing that we have here is a meridienne.
27:35How many of the world?
27:36Meridienne?
27:37Meridienne, for Latin, for midday.
27:39She looks really pissed off about it, she wanted a deck chair.
27:42I'm so sorry, a chaise l'oe is a deck chair?
27:46It's a deck chair, yeah.
27:47So, what have I got in my house?
27:49I was sold a chaise l'oe.
27:52Why do we call that a chaise l'oe?
27:54I mean, that is a long chair.
27:56Because the English are just much more, you know, straightforward about it.
27:59Oh, you want to get one of them long chairs that you can lie on.
28:02How long do you want it?
28:04So, all that remains is to hand out the medals.
28:07Let's see who gets what.
28:10In last place, with minus 44, it's Alan.
28:13Next, with minus six, Deliso.
28:17In second place, but who's counting with minus five, Carriette.
28:22And in first place, with the utmost wherewithal, with three whole points.
28:29Come on!
28:30Susan!
28:31Thank you to Susan, to Lisa, Carriette, and of course, Alan.
28:43And I leave you with this question from American comedian Rita Rudner.
28:46How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake?
28:52Where does the glue go?
28:54Right?
28:55Alright.
28:56APPLAUSE
28:58LAUGHTER
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