- 5 hours ago
- #realitytvdeep
#RealityTVDeep
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Short filmTranscript
01:00Come on, huh? Then go home and sleep in Sicily.
01:02How amazing would that be?
01:04What more could we want out of life?
01:06Beautiful.
01:07Hmm?
01:08The hospital.
01:09Answer. It might be important.
01:13Hello?
01:14Hey, Valentino. It's Andrea.
01:16Sorry to bother you.
01:17Oh, Andrea. Hello.
01:19Is everything okay?
01:21No, I just wanted to let you know that there was an issue and the director had no choice but to change your shifts.
01:26So when do we need to come in?
01:27Uh, so you're not the afternoon shift anymore. You've been swapped over to the morning shift.
01:31So you'll have to be at the hospital at...
01:33Seven.
01:33Seven. Not seven a.m.
01:34At seven?
01:36He's standing next to you right now, huh?
01:38Yes. Yes.
01:39And if you could pass it along to Salvo, too.
01:42He's breathing down your neck, then.
01:43Exactly. That's perfect. Thanks.
01:45Sorry, sir. Can I just get your signature?
01:47Yeah.
01:47Under no circumstances can you guys be late. You know he did this on purpose. There was no reason for him to change the shifts around.
01:53There. Done.
01:54Okay, cool. Yep. Sounds great. I'll see you tomorrow.
01:57Okay, Andrea. Thank you. Bye.
01:58All right, then. So it's all sorted?
02:00Very much so, sir.
02:01I knew I could always rely on you.
02:04Yeah, no problem.
02:05Have a good night.
02:05You too, sir.
02:07Yo, Salvo.
02:08Hmm?
02:08The director flipped our shift around.
02:10He wants us at work tomorrow at 7 a.m.
02:12Salvo, you listening?
02:13Mm-hmm.
02:13Salvo, can you hear me or are you just jealous about Goo Goo?
02:16Yes, I hear you. I got it. And I told you I'm not jealous. Because why would I be jealous? And none of this is my fault. It's all Guillermo's.
02:24What are you talking about?
02:25Because he's an ex. The moment an ex becomes an ex, they immediately have a moral obligation to move somewhere abroad.
02:31What do you mean, move?
02:32Bro, that's the rule and everyone knows it. Only you don't, and it's because you're ignorant.
02:36What the hell are you talking about? Did you fall and hit your head? Breaking news. We're all someone's ex, too.
02:41So does that mean we have to move somewhere else?
02:43Of course.
02:44Who gets to stay in Italy, then?
02:46The foreign ex who moved to Italy for their now ex in the first place.
02:50So basically, it's a transfer of people.
02:52Correct.
02:52Correct. Is that an issue for you? What are you, a nationalist?
02:55No. Are you saying I look like one?
02:56No. I just saw that dumb look on your face, so I thought...
02:59Salvo, remember, in the mighty words of Confucius, only those who are insecure are jealous.
03:06Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
03:08Are you serious?
03:10You look like you're about to go rob a bank.
03:12You know what? You don't have the slightest respect for my emotional state.
03:16Wait, hold on a second. Trust me.
03:22You're welcome.
03:24And don't give me that look. You should be thanking me. I'm doing you a favor.
03:28See you later, Confucius.
03:30At least one of us cleans up after ourselves.
03:37There you go. You see that?
04:00Well, chop off those damn hands.
04:20Putting his hands all over her, and I'm the one overreacting.
04:23I'm the one overreacting.
04:30Okay, guys, just hold it.
04:32Okay, guys, just hold it.
04:34I'm gonna sit again.
04:36Yes, thank you. I'm coming. I'm on my way out now.
04:43Hey, Maria Theresa, where are you going?
04:45That was our Santa Claus. He's gonna be here soon.
04:47Ah, all right. I'll go back with the kids, so we don't ruin the whole surprise.
04:50Yeah, sounds good. See you in a sec.
05:07And who is that?
05:12Oh, thanks for coming.
05:14Okay, so I'm gonna go back inside.
05:23Now, wait here a minute while I open the window.
05:25Sounds good.
05:26And then you can climb in and get all dressed up.
05:28The kids will really love that. Thank you so much.
05:30This will really make their whole year. I can't wait to see their faces.
05:33It's gonna be incredible.
05:35I can't believe what I'm seeing.
05:51Hey, Salvo.
05:52I'm so sorry, but I'm your best friend and I can't keep this a secret.
05:56My God, you need to get over this jealousy, Salvo.
05:58Maria Theresa.
05:59What about Maria Theresa?
06:00Maria Theresa's here at Guglielmo's.
06:02I know she's at Guglielmo's.
06:04We all tell each other everything. There's nothing to worry about.
06:06Yeah, did she also happen to mention the guy she brought along?
06:09So what the hell's going on?
06:10I'm sorry to be the one who's gonna give you the bad news, Val.
06:12But this is impossible.
06:14I know.
06:15Maria Theresa shouldn't have done it. I get the long distance.
06:18And his magnetism's tough to ignore, but it's not right or fair.
06:23I'll let you decide if you want to watch this heartbreaking scene.
06:24Hmm?
06:25So what the hell's going on?
06:35I'm sorry to be the one who's got to give you the bad news, Val.
06:38But this is impossible.
06:39I know. Maria Theresa shouldn't have done it.
06:41I get the long distance.
06:43And his magnetism's tough to ignore, but it's not right or fair.
06:46I'll let you decide if you want to watch this heartbreaking scene.
06:55But he's so old.
06:56He is, but he'll charm the pants off you.
07:07Yeah, hello.
07:08What's up? Where are you?
07:10I told you I'm at Guillermo's.
07:12You couldn't take me out for the dinner you promised me, so...
07:15So what? This is your revenge? Huh?
07:17I don't know what you're on about, but I got to go now.
07:19But wait, what are you doing that's so important you can't talk?
07:22Listen, I get he's undeniably charming, but this is just over the top.
07:25Val, you need to calm down.
07:27Where is all this coming from? Have you and Salvo been drinking?
07:30Unbelievable.
07:31I just don't get...
07:32Why can't you just tell me?
07:34Stop asking my question.
07:35Not you two.
07:36Stupid, horny old man.
07:40Val, listen, I need both my hands free.
07:42Tell me what you're doing with both of your hands.
07:45Val, you're being...
07:45Salvo, what's going on?
07:47Clap your hands.
07:47What are you talking about?
07:48Like a big applause.
07:49Well, what'd you do now, huh?
07:50It's not me, it's you.
07:52Now I can't even hear the shaking in your voice.
07:54My voice is shaking because you're making me nervous.
07:57What the hell are you talking about, honey?
07:59And you're pulling the scrap at Christmas, the time of year where we're supposed to love
08:02each other?
08:03I really can't do this right now.
08:04I can't believe you would do this to me.
08:06You're not saying...
08:06What did I do to deserve this, huh?
08:08Uh, uh, nothing, sweetheart.
08:10Since you're always accusing me of being jealous of Guillermo, I wanted to play a fun little
08:14prank.
08:15Oh, God, another one.
08:16I really gotta stop falling for your jokes.
08:18Sorry, but I gotta go now, okay?
08:19Okay, well, say hi to Santa Claus for me.
08:21Bye.
08:22Just tell me why you're...
08:23Hang on a second.
08:24How could you know?
08:25Know what?
08:25Know Maria, Teresa, and I are with Santa Claus.
08:28Well, it's a thing, you know.
08:30People say, say hi to Santa Claus.
08:32A lot around Christmas.
08:33It's not usually literal unless he's actually there.
08:35Honey, just stop.
08:36I have to go.
08:37I'm trying to overhear what's going on between Maria, Teresa, and Valentino.
08:40We'll talk soon.
08:41Bye, babe.
08:41Love you.
08:43I'm asking you a simple question, and you can't even answer it.
08:46And the fact that you can't answer, it speaks volumes.
08:49If you...
08:50Stop.
08:50I'm on the phone.
08:51If you can't answer it, then we need to have a very important conversation about what
08:54we're doing.
08:55And, um, hold on.
08:57One minute.
08:59Val, what the hell is wrong with you?
09:03I want to get to the bottom of whatever this is, so just tell me.
09:07Nothing, sweetie.
09:08It's just an April Fool's prank.
09:10In December?
09:11Well, yes, because you would never expect it.
09:14Very funny.
09:15Can I please go now?
09:16Yeah, okay.
09:16Bye, sweetheart.
09:17I love you lots.
09:18Goodbye.
09:18Sorry about that.
09:19Bye.
09:21God, Savile played another prank on me, the idiot, and I fell for it.
09:25I think Milan's messing with Valentino's head.
09:29Do you have any idea what you just made me do?
09:32You always do this to me.
09:33Why?
09:34You should check your sources before flying off the handle.
09:36You're my source, you moron.
09:37Shut up.
09:38Now, here, keep your voice down.
09:39Leave me.
09:39You're the one who told me.
09:41So, gentlemen, want to explain why you were hiding in those bushes?
09:53With a pair of binoculars.
09:54Um, because we're very passionate about observing nocturnal animals.
10:00Ah, so you're observing the animals in the bushes.
10:02Yes, yes, yes, yes.
10:02Yes, we are.
10:03Very passionate.
10:04Yes, yes, yes, yes.
10:05What kind of animals exactly?
10:07Uh, blackbirds, primarily.
10:08Ah, yes, blackbirds, famously nocturnal.
10:13No, owls.
10:14There were owls.
10:15Owls, right.
10:16You just thought they were blackbirds.
10:17That night, it can be hard to tell them apart.
10:19Yeah, okay, sure, owls.
10:20Yeah.
10:20Right.
10:21What else?
10:22Turtle doves.
10:23And some bats.
10:24Bats?
10:25You remember the bats, don't you?
10:26Yeah, there were lots of bats.
10:26Hmm.
10:28Butterflies.
10:28Fireflies.
10:29Oh, so also insects.
10:30Yes.
10:31Oh, especially nocturnal insects.
10:32You two wouldn't know a nocturnal animal if it bit you on the nose.
10:36No, it's just because nighttime's more conducive for animal watching.
10:40It makes it much harder to see them, you know?
10:42It's not like they carry the lame text.
10:44Hello, I'm nocturnal, right?
10:45So you really got to get a good look.
10:47Look, we're sorry if we're not explaining it right.
10:49No disrespect.
10:50We never meant to go off on a tangent.
10:52Fair enough.
10:52So you guys were just observing animals, were you?
10:54Yes.
10:55And that's just like a hobby?
10:56No.
10:57It's a profession.
10:59Yeah.
10:59And you do it in a bathrobe.
11:01Because of the fireflies.
11:03The robe lures them in, and you can really observe them up close.
11:05It's beautiful, and you can see them very clearly against the white.
11:08So then why are you dressed in black?
11:10To drive them back when they get too close for comfort.
11:13Yeah.
11:13Because fireflies can become vicious if they get too close.
11:16Real vicious.
11:17Vicious, you know, like a tiger.
11:18No.
11:18And they're on you, and it can turn really dangerous.
11:20Unlike owls, who look better from a distance.
11:23Yeah, they look better from afar.
11:25Real gorgeous.
11:25Ugly up close, but gorgeous when they're far away.
11:28Yeah.
11:28Because of, you know, their beautiful eyes when these things get too close and they're swiveling around.
11:32Their eyes are so bright.
11:36It's like a spotlight, and it's all you can see.
11:38In fact, they should teach this in school about being far.
11:41True distance is important.
11:41Closer to an hour is bad for observing, because all you see is the eyes.
11:44Yeah, but get the gist.
11:45We're going to need your names and addresses.
11:47What?
11:48Is this an interrogation all of a sudden?
11:49Where's your identification?
11:51What kind of person takes identification with them when they go nocturnal animal watching?
11:54Don't you get smart with us, sir.
11:55Just watch yourself.
11:57One last question.
11:59Either of you married?
12:00Yes.
12:01Perfect.
12:02We'll contact your wives, and I'm sure they'll vouch for you.
12:04No.
12:05No.
12:05No.
12:06Because our wives don't actually know that we're here in Sicily.
12:09Ah, so where do they think you are?
12:11In Milan, or?
12:13Yeah, Milan.
12:15All right, enough fun and games.
12:17Our captain will be here in the morning.
12:20He'll decide what to do with you guys.
12:23Not till the morning.
12:25But no.
12:26No, no.
12:26No, please, we can't.
12:27It's really important.
12:28We're at work at 7 a.m. tomorrow.
12:30We really can't get there late.
12:32Yeah.
12:32Good morning.
12:56Giulio.
12:59Giulio.
13:00Captain Giacalone.
13:02What are you two doing here?
13:04What are you doing here?
13:06Why were these two gentlemen detained?
13:08Uh, the truth is that we were actually, uh, out in some bushes observing some nocturnal animals.
13:17Really majestic creatures, mind you.
13:19We do it to make some money on the side.
13:20Captain, we tried to explain it to your colleagues here, but I think they...
13:24Oh, so now we're being formal, guys?
13:26Look, I want to help you out, but you're going to have to throw me a bone here.
13:30All right, Giulio.
13:30I'm going to be totally honest with you.
13:32This whole thing is about Salvo's wife, Claudia.
13:34Salvo's not jealous, though.
13:35That's important.
13:36It's just her ex isn't following the rules and moving abroad like he should.
13:40Last night, the ex hosted a bingo night, and Salvo just wanted to make sure that his wife wasn't...
13:43Hold on a second.
13:45You were spying on your wife?
13:47Well, why didn't you just say so?
13:49Oh, well done.
13:50Congratulations.
13:51That's very impressive.
13:52You've managed to do the most pathetic thing a man possibly can,
13:56because in your sick, sad, masculine mind,
13:58you've convinced yourself that a woman can't have a life of her own
14:01without you knowing everything about it.
14:04So come on, let's hear everything you found out about her.
14:06Did you discover that she's got her own distinct interests?
14:09That she's not your property?
14:11That ladies can be powerful?
14:13That probably scares you, huh?
14:15Maybe you deserve to feel embarrassed, Giovanni.
14:19Wait, who's Giovanni?
14:21My name is Salvo.
14:22Giovanni's her ex.
14:24Lots of spying.
14:25Ah.
14:27And how did she find out about it?
14:29Because she spied on him, too.
14:31Of course.
14:33But listen, Salvo.
14:35Remember, only those who are insecure are jealous.
14:37Confucius?
14:38No, my ex.
14:40My apologies.
14:41And where is she now?
14:43Albania.
14:43You see?
14:44Look at that.
14:45She moved abroad.
14:46That's respectful.
14:48Release them immediately.
14:50Look at the time.
14:52You know, I think we can still make it.
14:53Yeah.
14:54Excuse us, please.
14:54Thanks a lot.
14:55Oh, and don't forget to check in and say hi to my dad.
15:07Oh, and don't forget to check in and say hi to my dad.
15:09Oh, and don't forget to check in and say hi to my dad.
15:10Oh, and don't forget to check in and say hi to my dad.
15:11Oh, and don't forget to check in and say hi to my dad.
15:12Oh, and don't forget to check in and say hi to my dad.
15:12Oh, and don't forget to check in and say hi to my dad.
15:13Oh, and don't forget to check in and say hi to my dad.
15:14Oh, and don't forget to check in and say hi to my dad.
15:15Oh, and don't forget to check in and say hi to my dad.
15:16Oh, and don't forget to check in and say hi to my dad.
15:17Oh, and don't forget to check in and say hi to my dad.
15:18Oh, and don't forget to check in and say hi to my dad.
16:19Is that clear to you?
16:21Of course, it would be unreasonable to fire you for being a minute late for work.
16:25It's just one minute.
16:27Yes, thank you.
16:29But you're fired.
16:30No.
16:31Ah, you better believe it.
16:33Here you go.
16:34Ah, no.
16:49I'm really sorry, you guys.
16:53Just so unfated.
16:55Wait now who's gonna bring me cannoli from Sicily try to look at the bright side of all this at least now
17:00You can go to the beach whenever you want take in that sea air
17:03Well, isn't this a terribly sad sight and this is it for you two can't come back from this
17:12Congratulations on that fancy white robe, too
17:16Come on, let's all get back to work move
17:20Val hey come on open the door just come out and we can talk about it
17:25Val oh
17:27Finally listen my friend. I just wanted to tell you hey come on my friend. I know you're mad
17:32But just listen, you know, this wasn't totally my fault. I mean sure maybe it was a little bit
17:36But really we kind of just got unlucky
17:38I know you think we had it made with a dumpster working in Milan and sleeping in Sicily, but we can appeal the decision
17:43Everything's gonna work out. I'm telling you my entire life's in shambles all because you got jealous
17:48How am I supposed to tell Maria Teresa? I got fired. I
17:52Really just don't want to talk to you
17:55No, my friend you don't mean that
18:02My friend
18:09Where do these go table seven
18:15Hello
18:17Here you go enjoy
18:19Here you go enjoy
18:21What the hell what are you doing?
18:23What are you doing?
18:25Unbelievable
18:29After the tone please record your message
18:31Hi there
18:33Good evening
18:35Good evening
18:37No one's coming in
18:39Hello
18:43This is Valentino. How can I help you today?
18:45Val, it's me. I've called ten times before the gang
18:47Exactly what don't you understand about not calling me at work, huh?
18:49In fact, you shouldn't be calling me at all
18:51In fact, you shouldn't be calling me at all, you got that idiot?
18:53Because now, salvo, you're my ex
18:55So guess what? You have to be respectful and move abroad
18:57As abroad as you can go
18:59Is that?
19:01And how's the shop coming along?
19:03Good. Good. And how are things at the hospital?
19:07Uh, yeah, they're good too
19:09Thank God
19:11Thank God indeed
19:13Hey Dad
19:15Do you think I can maybe come to Milan
19:17So I can visit you at work and meet all your friends?
19:19Sure. Of course
19:21Daddy would love that
19:23Oh, yeah
19:25Yes, sir
19:27Thank you
19:29Not me
19:31Oh cause
19:33After the tone, please record your message when you have it.
20:02Welcome home.
20:03I was getting worried.
20:05I just thought I'd cook up a couple of things, stuff we had in the fridge.
20:08I figured we could sit down and have a good talk.
20:11You must be exhausted after that long day at work, so let's just have a laugh.
20:16Well?
20:21You don't have any Indian papaya?
20:23No.
20:24What about quinoa?
20:26Preferably Bolivian.
20:27Ah, but I'd settle for Peru.
20:28Perhaps you'd like to try our carrots from Mispica that improve your eyesight,
20:32so that next time you come in, you'll be able to read our sign,
20:35Farm to Table, and you'll stop asking for all that stupid shit!
20:40Look, you scared our only customer.
20:42He's a moron.
20:43Uh, uh, uh, huh?
20:47Certainly, okay?
20:50It's all right.
20:51You know I love you.
20:52Come on, dude.
20:53You know your more than a friend.
20:55You're a brother.
20:55Ah, no, you're the best.
21:02After much consideration and thought, we have once and for all found a way to unite Italy.
21:07It is my honor to announce a new bridge that'll connect Sicily to Calabria.
21:11This project will put an end to the problems that have plagued the South for too long.
21:15Issues like droughts and water shortages will be a thing of the past.
21:17Here you go, sir.
21:29You were right.
21:31Another one's disappeared, sir.
21:33Seems like it was stolen.
21:35Where?
21:35In Sicily.
21:37Here are the images.
21:39I'll go.
21:39Listen, you.
21:48Last night you flushed the toilet at 3.37 in the morning.
21:51But I...
21:52I understand that you have to go for a pee-pee, but you could have waited and flushed at a more reasonable hour.
21:57Huh?
21:57And here I thought I rented my apartment to a reasonable member of society.
22:01Don't worry about the amount of things to get involved.
22:19Honestly, no one's going to notice.
22:22Once you get past the initial chocolate, this is incredible.
22:25Val and I couldn't wait to share this.
22:27This is amazing.
22:28I know.
22:29I knew there was a reason I didn't see you at the airport.
22:38Now I'll have more time with my family.
22:41And I can finally see my girlfriend when I want.
22:43Bro, I've been looking for you all day to tell you.
22:46I think I may have finally found our solution.
22:48And this way we'll be able to help everyone out and ourselves.
22:52Ourselves?
22:52Yeah.
22:54Thanks, Val.
23:06Huh?
23:11Oh, Salvo.
23:12Promise me one thing, huh?
23:13We don't tell any more people about this because it's all very delicate.
23:16Dude, I got you.
23:17It's for a select few people.
23:19That's it.
23:19Yeah.
23:20Yeah.
23:20Yeah.
23:20What's up, you guys?
23:24Who's up for a dip in Sicily, yeah?
23:26Yeah.
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