- 1 week ago
The Last Leg - Season 33 Episode 8
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00:00Letting us be ourselves
00:01So don't mind me if I repeat myself
00:03These simple lines be good for your health
00:06To keep them crime rhymes on the shelf
00:08Live love life like you just don't care
00:10I believe it's never scared
00:13Rain and noise is the moment they fear
00:15Get up, you're still up here for my dear
00:17Get up, throw your hands in the air
00:20Get up, get up, get up
00:23Get up, get up, get up
00:27Take off your prosthetic leg
00:33Replace it with a rocket
00:34And tell everyone it's your mistletoe
00:36It's Friday, we're live
00:37And it's time for the last leg
00:38Tonight on the show
00:41The Ukraine peace deal keeps repeating on us
00:44We digest another weird week of politics
00:47And we'll serve up a taster
00:49For stand-up to cancer
00:51Plus we'll be joined by comedians
00:53Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan
00:55On the show that tries its best
00:57To stomach the news
00:58Who am I going to wink at?
01:04Who am I going to wink at?
01:08G'day, I'm Adam Hills
01:10Welcome to The Last Leg
01:11The show that heard Netflix has bought
01:13Warner Brothers
01:13And now can't wait for Voldemort's
01:15Edgy stand-up special
01:16With me as always
01:17With the pride of Dartmoor
01:18Josh Whittacombe
01:19And the man who was described
01:20By an AI app last week
01:21As having a unique limb situation
01:24Alex Brooker
01:25We will cover that in a second
01:34As well as today's bizarre World Cup draw
01:36But Josh, it has been a sad time
01:38In your house this week
01:39It's been a sad time
01:41We've lost
01:42Well not lost
01:43Our hamster
01:44I don't need to
01:44Our hamster's died
01:46I know
01:47We've all been
01:48You told me that last week
01:50And I thought
01:50Oh, I feel really sad
01:51For the small ginger squeaky thing
01:53Where is he going?
01:56What's this joke going to be?
01:57I don't know where
01:58You're talking about the hamster
02:00Surely, aren't you?
02:01No, because his hamster died
02:03Oh
02:03Amazing
02:04Yeah
02:05I'll tell you what, Hillsy, on that
02:08Because I really bonded with the hamster
02:10Because, you know, you think about
02:11Oh
02:12No, you think about it
02:12And he's telling me about his little pink hands
02:15And his, um
02:16LAUGHTER
02:17Yeah
02:18His furry little face
02:21And the way he always shits in the same corner of the room
02:25And...
02:25LAUGHTER
02:26It's all a bit of fun
02:28But anyway, a hamster died
02:29Yeah
02:30But the problem was
02:32The ground
02:32You go and bury him in the garden
02:34Yeah
02:35Yeah
02:35But the ground
02:37Because it's been
02:38It's winter
02:38I'm aware
02:39Yeah
02:40It's frozen
02:41So we couldn't dig a hole
02:43Yeah
02:43So we had to put him in our freezer
02:45LAUGHTER
02:46Someone had the weirdest reaction to that I've ever heard
02:49So there's a hamster in your freezer
02:51We've had a hamster in our freezer
02:53What, like, lying in steak?
02:55Lying in steak
02:56Lying on steaks?
02:58LAUGHTER
02:59LAUGHTER
03:00What have you got, like
03:01David Beckham queuing up to pay his respects?
03:04LAUGHTER
03:05Yeah, so we had a hamster in our freezer, right?
03:08Um, he was dead, just to be clear
03:10Because obviously, if we got it wrong
03:12Imagine if we'd just frozen him
03:13And then in, like, a thousand years
03:15He'd come back to life
03:15And then he'd have gone
03:17I don't understand what's changed
03:19Because I'm a hamster
03:19Yeah, exactly
03:20Yeah
03:20But, so we then had to buy a spade off Amazon
03:23You bought a spade?
03:25I bought a spade off Amazon
03:26Wow
03:27Did your bank call you and say
03:28There's been some unusual activity on your brain?
03:30LAUGHTER
03:31It's an odd thing to buy on Amazon
03:34Why?
03:35I don't know
03:36It's just like, what's your, like
03:37Your, you may also like cable ties, gaffer tape
03:41LAUGHTER
03:42Stop falling
03:43LAUGHTER
03:44How, how are the kids taking it?
03:47So my son, my daughter was a bit upset
03:49Yeah
03:50But my son, who's four
03:51That's kind of, this is what they say about pets, isn't it?
03:54It teaches them about death
03:55Mm-hmm
03:56And he started to get sad
03:59I think he realised we were going to die for the first time
04:01So that was quite sad
04:02Well, yeah, because he's going to need a bigger freezer
04:04LAUGHTER
04:05He'd fit in one of them family chest ones
04:09LAUGHTER
04:10All right, we are live on your telly right now
04:12You can ask us any questions about the news
04:14Messages on Instagram
04:15The hashtags, is it okay
04:16WhatsApp, the number is 07956175908
04:20Or you can scan the QR code on your screen
04:22For example, is it okay that last week on the show
04:25We asked an AI app to describe Alex
04:27Yes, and this is what it said
04:29What do you make of his hands?
04:31LAUGHTER
04:33Yeah, so I do notice that he's got a prosthetic arm
04:36Or kind of a unique limb situation going on there
04:39A unique limb situation?
04:41LAUGHTER
04:42LAUGHTER
04:44LAUGHTER
04:45A what situation?
04:46A what situation?
04:47A unique limb situation?
04:49LAUGHTER
04:50I'll tell you what
04:51Thank you, AI
04:52You are one of the nicest people on earth
04:54Wow
04:55I mean, I've never wanted to start a band
04:57But unique limb situation
04:59LAUGHTER
05:01LAUGHTER
05:02It's actually a lie
05:03I did want to start a band a few years ago
05:06And I just never managed to get atomic mitten off the ground
05:09LAUGHTER
05:11I love that even AI is worried about being cancelled
05:14LAUGHTER
05:15So politically correct
05:17So tonight, we're very proud to say
05:19At the end of the show
05:20We are going to bring you the world-exclusive debut
05:22Of Alex's new band
05:25Unique Limb Situation
05:27Or as we like to call them
05:29ULS
05:30We've been talking about during the week
05:32What the album would be called
05:33I'm really pushing for the notorious PIP
05:36LAUGHTER
05:37I think the best of album will just be called
05:39The Incomplete ULS
05:41Never mind the bollocks look at his arms
05:43LAUGHTER
05:44LAUGHTER
05:49Of your...
05:50One for the Phil Collins fans
05:52Short jacket required
05:54LAUGHTER
05:55Lovely
05:56Lovely
05:57I find it funny, I don't get that
05:58LAUGHTER
05:59LAUGHTER
06:00Well, because of your arms
06:01Yeah, no, I've got that
06:02It's for Phil Collins
06:03LAUGHTER
06:04By the way, we asked AI to design a few band posters
06:07Depending on which genre Alex decided to go with
06:09It came up with an emo version
06:11LAUGHTER
06:13Now, that guy looks like he keeps hamsters in his freezer
06:16LAUGHTER
06:18LAUGHTER
06:19Yeah, that's a band called
06:20He Really Needs The Cure
06:22LAUGHTER
06:23Or Cryptknot
06:24I can't decide
06:25And then it came up with the country version
06:27LAUGHTER
06:29LAUGHTER
06:30I look like...
06:31Why do I...
06:32I look like Crocodile Dundee
06:34That's not a thumb
06:36LAUGHTER
06:37LAUGHTER
06:38Alright, the big story this week
06:39Is that there's still no peace in Ukraine
06:41Mainly because Russia wants an extra peace of Ukraine
06:44Now, look, we haven't talked much about this during the series
06:46So let's cover the basics
06:47A few weeks ago, the US hammered out a peace deal
06:50Between Russia and Ukraine
06:51With the help of Russia, but not Ukraine
06:53It basically gave Russia everything they wanted
06:56Including land they've taken during the war
06:58And some land they haven't even captured yet
07:01The only thing not offered to Putin
07:02Was a back rub from Vladimir Zelensky
07:04The deal was then taken to Ukraine
07:06Who said, and pardon my Australian
07:08You fucking what?
07:09LAUGHTER
07:10Ukraine then suggested a few changes to the deal
07:12Which was taken back to Putin
07:13Who this week said
07:14No, I want the original deal
07:15And I will take that back rub
07:17Lads?
07:18I just...
07:19I just...
07:20He's so snide, isn't he?
07:22Vladimir Putin
07:23This is what I've come...
07:24This is my geopolitical analysis of him
07:26Yeah
07:27I just think...
07:28He's just...
07:29I'm fucking bored of him
07:30It's just always a lot
07:32Ever since we started
07:33He's always moaning
07:34He's always shithousing
07:35He's always threatening
07:37And I just think at this stage of him now
07:39He's basically...
07:40He's just like a Twitter troll with nuclear weapons
07:42Yeah
07:43Pretty much
07:44I love that Alex is bored of him
07:46LAUGHTER
07:47But you know what I mean
07:48He's like...
07:49No, no, no, no
07:50The most threatening man on the world
07:51Is he though?
07:52No
07:53Is he like...
07:54You know he's just sort of geezer
07:55You know if you like...
07:56If you go on a stag do
07:57Yeah
07:58And it's like...
07:59Everything's planned
08:00But there's one who goes
08:01I don't want to go
08:02I don't want to go to the brewery
08:03Yeah
08:04And it's like...
08:05What do you want to do Vlad?
08:06Paintball in again?
08:07Just so you can wear the fucking camouflage
08:08He won't...
08:09He just...
08:10He's a man unable to accept a deal
08:11He will never accept...
08:12Have you seen his celebrity edition of Deal or No Deal?
08:14He won't even take the call
08:16I saw him in boots
08:18And he got three items
08:19Carrot stick, sandwich and the drink
08:21And he...
08:22Happy to play for them all separately
08:24LAUGHTER
08:25The truth is Vladimir Putin has no reason to back down
08:27Because Donald Trump has said that if a deal isn't done
08:29He'll just walk away from it all
08:31Which is an incentive for Putin to not do a deal
08:34Because then the only people sticking up for Ukraine would be Europe
08:37And Putin is not scared of Europe
08:39Alright, put it this way
08:40Imagine if you saw Conor McGregor kicking the shit out of Josh on the street
08:43What?
08:44He was trying to steal his wallet
08:46Right?
08:47And Josh is there going
08:48Oh no, you're not having my wallet
08:49LAUGHTER
08:50What's going on?
08:52By the way, Conor McGregor hasn't even got you in a chokehold in that impression
08:56No
08:57Don't take my wallet
08:58So you take Conor McGregor aside
09:00You don't need to...
09:01I don't...
09:02I wouldn't keep talking
09:03I lost my hamster
09:06Don't you fucking start
09:09So you take Conor McGregor aside
09:11And you say, alright
09:12What would it take for you to stop kicking the shit out of Josh?
09:13And he says, well give me his wallet
09:15Oh you're not doing his accent I see
09:16LAUGHTER
09:17Irish, come on mate
09:19Have some balls
09:20It's not the Irish
09:22It's just I reckon I can take you
09:24LAUGHTER
09:26I agree
09:28So then Josh compromises
09:30And Josh says, okay
09:31He can have the cash
09:32But I need...I need my library card
09:34LAUGHTER
09:35So you go back to Conor McGregor
09:37Who says no, I want the wallet, the library card
09:39And now I want his inhaler as well
09:40LAUGHTER
09:41Now imagine if you then said
09:42Well if you guys can't sort this out
09:43I'm walking away
09:44Conor McGregor's just gonna keep kicking the shit out of Josh
09:47Until he gets what he wants
09:48Meanwhile Europe are live streaming the whole thing on TikTok
09:50With the hashtag
09:51I stand with Josh
09:52LAUGHTER
09:54It's a lovely analogy
09:55Thank you
09:56And it's good that you've made it something that everyone understands that might happen
09:59I
10:00Two problems
10:01Number one
10:02While you're talking to Conor McGregor
10:04Yep
10:05I'm running the fuck off
10:06OK
10:07Yeah
10:08But number two
10:09I don't have a wallet because it's 2025
10:10And no one has wallets anymore
10:11I have a wallet
10:12What?
10:13I have a wallet
10:14Do you?
10:15Who has a wallet?
10:16Am I the only one here who has a wallet?
10:17Some...oh my god
10:18Most people don't have wallets
10:19Most people don't have wallets
10:20Most people don't have wallets anymore
10:21It's called a phone mate
10:22It does everything
10:23In the same way I don't carry around a compass
10:25LAUGHTER
10:28You...what's your wallet?
10:29What...what you got?
10:30I've got...I've got a...
10:32There you go
10:34Is that weird?
10:35No!
10:36It's...it's thick for 2025
10:37What's even in that?
10:38Why is it so...why is it so thick?
10:39What is it made of?
10:40Have you killed a crocodile?
10:42LAUGHTER
10:43Oh no it's actually made of an upcycled British firehose
10:46What?
10:47So there's like a fireman somewhere going
10:48There's a fucking hole in this hole
10:50LAUGHTER
10:51What is...what is on the hole?
10:52I described it as downcycled
10:54Because one was saving lives
10:55And now one's your wallet
10:56LAUGHTER
10:57That is...
10:58The most Australian thing ever
11:00Is to have...to have a wallet
11:02That can withstand fire
11:03LAUGHTER
11:04LAUGHTER
11:05But it's...what have you got...what have you got there?
11:09I've got...I've got Australian credit cards
11:11I've got British credit cards
11:12I've got...
11:13Adam are you in financial trouble?
11:14LAUGHTER
11:15He's putting all his money on the wallet
11:17LAUGHTER
11:18I've got tickets to when I took my daughter to Disneyland
11:21Is that weird?
11:22No that's nice
11:23I've got a photo of my other daughter
11:24Oh that's nice
11:25Oh that's nice
11:26See I'd have...I'd have absolutely put big money in you having a photo of Harold Bishop
11:30So that's...
11:31LAUGHTER
11:32Do you know where I've got a photo of my daughter?
11:33On my phone like every other person
11:35LAUGHTER
11:36So back to Ukraine
11:38How do you stop Vladimir Putin?
11:41Trump can't do it
11:42Zelensky can't do it
11:43Europe can't do it
11:44Someone needs to take him down from the inside
11:46And we think we know just the man
11:50In a world on the brink of war
11:53Only one man can save the planet
11:56Your mission should you choose to accept it
11:58Is to infiltrate the Kremlin
12:00And sabotage Vladimir Putin from the inside
12:05Oh go on then
12:06I'll do it
12:07I'll do it
12:08When you need the ultimate undercover spy
12:11Alan Carr goes deep
12:13You can trust me
12:16The ultimate traitor
12:18Alan Carr is...
12:20Double O-H
12:22Oh
12:24Coming soon to Vladimir Putin
12:27That's right
12:28I'm taking down the biggest dog there is
12:31APPLAUSE
12:33It won't surprise you to know
12:41Tickets for Alan's new tour are on sale now
12:44Alright let's welcome tonight's guest
12:46He's in a Christmas show called Stuffed
12:47She's got a stand-up show that's stuffed with jokes
12:49Please welcome Guz Khan and Amy Gledhill
12:52Welcome to you both
13:10Did you just curtsy to the...
13:11I did I don't know what happened there
13:13I loved it I loved it
13:14I think it's the tree and everything
13:16I just feel very curtsy-y
13:19Look on what we just talked about Ukraine
13:21How do you think Putin and Zelensky should sort it out Guz?
13:24I reckon look it's a very complicated situation
13:27Yeah
13:28Very sensitive situation
13:29Yeah
13:30I reckon they should just swing it out
13:31So I think we should just set up like a misfit style celebrity boxing match
13:36Putin can absolutely bang up Zelensky or vice versa
13:39Yeah
13:40People might say that's quite a flippant response
13:42But I think perpetual war is worse
13:44Yeah, yeah
13:46I'd watch it on Netflix or YouTube
13:48I reckon we'll make a load of money
13:50I'll be the agent
13:51I'll be the guy who goes in between
13:53And make some money as well
13:54But yeah I'd like to see them fight
13:55I think it's a good idea
13:56I love you've made this a money-making exercise for you
13:59Yes
14:00Would Zelensky be topless?
14:02I mean if they pay extra
14:05If you pay extra
14:06I think Putin would be topless whether you paid or not
14:10And on a horse at all times
14:12I would solve it
14:14I think at this point the only thing to do is shared custody
14:18Of Ukraine
14:19I think it's shared custody of the borders
14:22Right
14:23So I think Ukraine can have the border weekdays
14:25Yeah
14:26Russia weekends
14:27Russia weekends
14:28Right
14:29And then on a bank holiday
14:30They go to their aunts in Slovakia
14:33And they watch a Bond film and eat crisps
14:36Alright we're going to go back to the news
14:39Because some weird stuff happened today that a load of you messaged about
14:42It was Donald Trump
14:43While Donald Trump's peace pan for Ukraine hit the skids
14:45Oh yeah
14:46How relaxed am I by the way
14:47While Donald Trump's peace pan hit the skids
14:49He was in his element as the draw for next year's world cup took place
14:52There were performances from Robbie Williams and the village people once again prompting the world to ask
14:57What is it with Donald Trump and the village people?
14:59I love that they're going to have the YMCA for all the gay footballers
15:04Well they did sing YMCA and this is a clip of Trump dancing enthusiastically to it looking as always like he's pretending to wank off two giants
15:13You got to know this the one thing only
15:19That's what I'm saying
15:21It's great isn't it?
15:23That's a joke
15:25That's a joke
15:26That's a joke
15:27That's what he said
15:28And then I love one of them
15:29He just went whoop and up
15:30There you go
15:31Melania's smiling but you know in her head she's thinking what a prick
15:36So earlier in the ceremony and this is the thing that everyone's talking about today
15:41Donald Trump was awarded the first ever FIFA Peace Prize
15:44And it was presented to him by Gianni Infantino
15:47There it is look at that award even Trump's trophy has wandering hands
15:52The inaugural bellendore
15:57Lovely
15:59That is, that's good humour
16:02In a complete coincidence by the way in July this year FIFA opened an office in Trump Tower in New York City
16:10Which means Infantino basically gave a trophy to his landlord
16:14And if you're wondering how the award has gone down among the British public
16:17Check out the likes versus dislikes on this illuminating post on the BBC
16:24You have to say who the fuck are those 266 absolute losers
16:29Did you see all the stuff today? What did you think?
16:31It was incredible to watch
16:33Obviously like the village people coming out at the end
16:35Yeah
16:36It was absolutely batshit because they're dancing
16:37But everyone's turned their backs on them already going out
16:40But it was, I think the Americans they need to kind of get
16:43They need to kind of get the terminology right
16:45Yeah
16:46Because Ike Casillas who won the World Cup with Spain a goalkeeper
16:49Was interviewed by a reporter
16:51And Rio Ferdinand used to play for England is on stage
16:53And he asks, he asks Ike Casillas if Rio Ferdinand has ever scored on him
16:59Which sounds like something very different
17:02Yeah I scored on his face, I scored
17:06Earlier in the week Trump seemed to fall asleep in a meeting
17:09In which Marco Rubio was bigging him up
17:11Here's the shocking footage
17:13But the opportunity to do that under these new trade deals
17:17Is unprecedented
17:18Of crypto in the retirement investments
17:21And we're seeing more and more of that
17:23Where we also rescinded the supplemental statement
17:26That discouraged the fiduciaries
17:28All these things Mr. President
17:29I think you deserve tremendous credit
17:31For the transformational aspect of our foreign policy
17:33For the first time in probably four decades
17:36I mean
17:38Can you blame me what's going on?
17:40What's going on?
17:41No, you can't blame me
17:42Look, there's a lot that you can get on his case for
17:44Yeah
17:45Like his politics
17:47Apparently he's got a very tiny willies
17:49The size of a jelly top
17:50That's what I read online
17:51Yep
17:52There's a lot but falling asleep
17:54At 160 years old
17:58Is there anybody in the audience today
17:59Who's like over the age of 80?
18:01Anybody?
18:02They're asleep
18:03They can't answer
18:04They're asleep
18:05Leave them alone man
18:06I'm comfortable sleeping man
18:07I think it's the most normal thing he's ever done
18:09Yeah
18:10That he's had a nap
18:11What's not normal?
18:12The reason he was tired
18:14Did you see that he did 150 posts the night before?
18:18Yes
18:19So he's using social media like a teenage girl
18:21Which is I think why Epstein's so fond of him
18:24You're exactly right
18:25Have you ever had anyone fall asleep in front of you?
18:26Like when you're on stage maybe?
18:27Yeah I have a view
18:28That's so rude
18:29Did somebody do that?
18:30Yeah and I think it was worse for me because it was my first ever Edinburgh show and the guy that fell asleep was the only guy in the audience who was the only audience member
18:35What?
18:36What?
18:37What?
18:38What?
18:39What?
18:40What?
18:41What?
18:42What?
18:43What?
18:44What?
18:45What?
18:46What?
18:47It was called Norman it was raining he came in to have a little read and he fell asleep I still did the whole show and I respect him shout out to Norman
19:01You got big up Norman man
19:03Big up Norman
19:04He's asleep
19:05This time last year we gave out our inaugural hands awards to people we deemed to be our heroes of the year
19:13I don't know if you remember we used to give out the dick of the year but to be honest we started to feel like there were too many dicks in the world to narrow it down to just one
19:19And this year has kind of become a dick apocalypse
19:21So tonight we're kicking off the search for this year's hands award winners named in honour of our Paralympic mascot this guy
19:28Now that's a handsy trophy
19:30We want you to nominate worthy winners for the 2025 hands awards it could be someone internationally famous someone locally known maybe even just your personal hero
19:39I'm gonna go around the houses. Yep. Who are you nominating?
19:42I want to nominate five people. Yep. Five
19:47For me the best musical reunion of the year. Wow. Okay Josh so mine's musical as well
19:53Yeah, but this week I did my Spotify raptor it gives you your stats the year
19:57Yeah, and I found out that I am in the 0.7%
20:02Highest on earth fans of Sabrina Carpenter Wow
20:09Yes, and I'd love to say that is my daughter but she has her own Spotify
20:12I went to see her earlier in the year with my daughter we had the best time and then she slagged off Donald Trump this week
20:19She's a legend. Her music's brilliant
20:21Plus I love the idea that our production team have now got a week to try and give one of those to the most famous person on earth
20:28Also, we have to dress them up in the outfit of the person and it's going to be a very racy hands-off
20:37Gus?
20:39There's a lot of people
20:40Yep
20:41But I reckon Zora Mamdani I feel bad for politicians who I know are about to get caned racially
20:46Because of the religious beliefs that they follow and we communicated online as well
20:50Did you?
20:51Yeah, yeah, yeah
20:52The mayor of New York communicated with you online?
20:53That's correct
20:54He's a big fan of man like Mo Bean. He says he likes my comedy
20:56No way
20:57He's aired me since he's become the mayor
20:59So I don't know how I feel about him anymore. We'll see how the next six months brings us
21:02Yeah, yeah, him for sure
21:03He's got too big for you
21:05Yeah, already
21:06He only just won as well, wanker
21:08I mean, so it was gonna be a woman who's at the edge of scientific discovery and space Katy Perry
21:20But I had a hospital appointment today just routine if my parents are watching
21:28And I said I'd give the doctor a shout-out because he was so great and crucially very hot
21:34If you're listening, I'm shooting my shot
21:39What was his name?
21:40He's so hot
21:41What was his name?
21:42Can I am allowed to say?
21:43Yeah, see
21:44Oh, you might not be
21:45Say the hospital name
21:46He knows who it is
21:47He said he's gonna be watching
21:48Hello
21:49I think Dr. Patient confidentiality works the other way, right?
21:55I'm going to nominate Celia Imri
22:01Oh
22:02For this excruciating demonstration of how to own your own embarrassment on the traders
22:07Welcome to the worst team building away day experience in history
22:18What just happened?
22:19I just found it, Claudia
22:21A hundred percent
22:24A hundred percent
22:26A hundred percent
22:27I love it
22:31Alright, nominate whoever you think deserves to win a HANS award on WhatsApp or Instagram
22:35Use the hashtag showofhands and make sure you spell it HANS, H-A-N-S
22:39We'll hand out as many as we can next week in our second ever Show of Hands
22:44I can be your hands, baby
22:59I can hands away the pain
23:05I will hand by you forever
23:12You can take my hands away
23:18We'll have more last week for you after the break as your party launches your party and we launch Stand Up To Cancer. We'll see you in a little bit.
23:26We'll see you in a little bit
23:27I can be your hands, baby
23:32I can hands away the pain, oh yeah
23:38I will hand by you forever
23:44You can take my hands away
23:51I will hand away the pain, oh yeah
24:08Welcome back to Glass Leg
24:10We're joined by Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan
24:13Now in UK politics this week, the party formed by Jeremy Corbyn and Zahra Sultana
24:17as a fresh alternative to Labour, chose a name.
24:20They had been unofficially known as Your Party,
24:22but a vote this week, they officially decided to be called...
24:26Your Party.
24:28It led to this absurd headline.
24:30Your Party members vote for Your Party to be called Your Party.
24:33Oh, no.
24:35It's incredible, isn't it? It's like the opening episode of Apprentice.
24:39Sounds like the political equivalent of a Your Mum joke.
24:42Guz, you were a big Corbyn fan, so what do you make of all this?
24:45Yeah, I love Uncle JC. You know, the thing is,
24:47and I really like Zara as well, she's great, she's been up in Coventry with us,
24:51but it's like, when they first announced it, I was like,
24:54yeah, this is going to be like The Hangover, bro, great movie, fun,
24:57unforgettable, but now it feels like it's The Hangover 2
25:02and the party's going to get like 35% on Rotten Tomatoes.
25:05Do you know what I mean? Yeah.
25:07What happened in The Hangover 2, nobody really knows. No-one knows.
25:09I mean, it's a bit tricky. They spent the whole time
25:11deciding whether to call it The Hangover 2, didn't they?
25:14Your Hangover. Your Hangover.
25:18I was really excited too, but it sort of feels like now,
25:22you know when there's one roast potato left? Yeah.
25:26At the Christmas dinner, and everybody wants it,
25:30but no-one's happy about it. Right.
25:33Do you know what I mean? Like, everyone wants...
25:35This could be so good. Yeah.
25:37But it seems quite sad.
25:39It is quite sad. It's a potato party. Yeah.
25:42The conference took a vote on whether there should be a single leader
25:44or a collective leadership group,
25:46and the group vote won the day 52% to 48.
25:49Oh, Jeremy Corbyn going, not again.
25:53Which means your party will now be run by a 16-member
25:57central executive committee.
25:59Because you know what they say, not enough cooks spoil the broth.
26:02No-one wants the country run by 16 people.
26:04I don't want to be in a WhatsApp group with 16 people.
26:07The thing is, though, I actually think it's quite clever.
26:09Yeah.
26:10Because I think they're going to join together like Power Rangers
26:13and make Mega Corbyn.
26:15In other political news, reform leader Nigel Farage
26:22spent the last few weeks denying claims he made racist comments
26:25when he was at school.
26:26Actually, I'm not sure denying is really the right word.
26:29He did whatever it is he's doing in this incriminating clip.
26:32The question is, did you ever racially abuse fellow pupils in school?
26:37You've caveated it with a hurtful way. Not within ten.
26:39What do you mean, not within ten? I don't understand what you mean by not within ten.
26:42What does that mean? You wouldn't do.
26:44What does that mean? No. No what? No.
26:47I have never directly really tried to go and hurt anybody.
26:56I think he was very clear. Yeah.
27:00Farage is now refusing to talk to the BBC
27:02until they apologised for their comedy in the 70s.
27:05And he had this rattled retort to a journalist from ITV.
27:11I've spoken to another people from...
27:13Good for you. Let's move on to the times, shall we?
27:16Barinoff, he says he can remember you...
27:19Very good.
27:20Making pissing noises...
27:22Very good.
27:23Harry, you are wasting your time.
27:25Bernard Manning.
27:26Bernard Manning.
27:27Bernard Manning.
27:28Bernard Manning.
27:29Do you want to hear some of the Bernard Manning jokes on ITV?
27:31Why is he talking about that bloke who does the turkey?
27:37The main thing is, when he said his name three times, Bernard Manning appeared at the back of your phone.
27:41I don't know, Gus, what do you make of the far right?
27:46Like, you know, there's reform and then there's further.
27:49Like, what do you make of all that area of politics?
27:51No, yeah, I'm a big fan.
27:52I think they're quite misunderstood.
27:53LAUGHTER
27:55Oh, give that a run in, though, with...
27:57I do like to go back and forth.
27:58Yeah, just because I feel like, unfortunately, a lot of it seems to be centred around a working class.
28:03I started off as a working class live from the West Midlands.
28:05I never want to lose touch with the people that I grew up around or my neighbours.
28:08So I like to go to the big wigs in the movement.
28:11Yeah.
28:12Tommy Robinson, Steven Yaxley-Lennon.
28:13We go back a lot.
28:14We had a recent interaction where I asked him a question and he said,
28:18it doesn't matter what you think because your mum and dad are cousins.
28:21And I said, they're not...
28:22Hang on, was this on social media?
28:23Yeah, social media, yeah.
28:24If it was in KFC, he would have banged him.
28:25But, like...
28:26LAUGHTER
28:28This is...
28:30This is...
28:32Go for it online.
28:33And I had to remind him that not all Asian people's parents are cousins,
28:37mine aren't, they're from different countries.
28:39And I said, but it's kind of ironic that you're worried about the genetics
28:43of parents and the kind of children they produce when his mum and dad
28:47produced a son no bigger than a Lego minifigure.
28:49Do you know what I mean?
28:50Yeah, yeah.
28:51Polly Pocket from Luton's taking a piss, bro.
28:53Worry about yourself.
28:54Don't worry about me.
28:55And did he get...
28:56Did he respond?
28:57He did.
28:58He actually found it quite funny.
28:59Your social media's mad.
29:01Yeah, yeah.
29:02It's more than true on it, more than Trump.
29:04So, are you now mates with Tommy Robinson?
29:07Don't be saying all that shit.
29:08I didn't say that.
29:09I didn't say that.
29:10But it's interesting, like, all of that super right-wing hatred,
29:14wherever you find it, it's grifty.
29:16Yeah, yeah.
29:17People don't really believe in the things that they say.
29:19It's all to galvanise an emotion and a feeling,
29:22but really when it comes down to in the inbox,
29:24it's all quite polite.
29:25Very underwhelming.
29:26Now, we need to move on, because Stand Up To Cancer is back this year
29:29with a week-long campaign that kicked off today.
29:31There's a brand new Stand Up To Cancer screening checker
29:33where you can find out if you're eligible for a cervical,
29:36breast or bowel screening, or as they're calling it,
29:38your bits, tits and shits.
29:39You can find the details at screeningchecker.co.uk.
29:43Meanwhile, the city of Leicester is preparing for the Stand Up To Cancer Tribute Mile.
29:48So it's going to be a lantern display made by people from all around the UK
29:52with each lantern dedicated to a loved one lost to cancer.
29:55You can create your own dedication at TributeMile.co.uk.
29:58I'm going to be launching the Tribute Mile with Mel Schilling
30:00at High Cross Leicester on Tuesday from midday.
30:02Then Friday next week, 7.30,
30:04I'm going to be co-hosting the Stand Up To Cancer broadcast
30:07alongside Davina McCall, Claire Balding, Vicky Patterson,
30:10Hannah Frye, Babatunde Aleshae and a whole bunch of special guests.
30:14Hopefully I'll make it back here for the last leg,
30:16but there is a chance Josh and Alex might have to host the show on their own.
30:19Oh, no!
30:21That would be a real shame.
30:24Keeping everything cross for you.
30:29Greg Davies and Alex Horne will also be involved
30:33and they've been trying to come up with ways to bring attention
30:35to Stand Up To Cancer.
30:37We are very excited now to show you a sneak peek
30:40at how they've been getting on.
30:45Three words, six-foot vulva.
30:52What's going on?
30:53The campaign needs a mascot.
30:54Children in Need has Pudsy.
30:56Red Nose Day has Lenny Henry.
30:58This vulva is a combination of both.
31:00It's cute and funny.
31:02Plus, it reminds people to get their bits checked for cancer.
31:06That's because this time Stand Up To Cancer is trying to raise awareness
31:09of cancer screening.
31:11Claire, this is not some perverted episode of The Masked Singer.
31:14I can't have someone dressed as a six-foot fanny.
31:17You can go away, come up with some better ideas.
31:19Pussy.
31:20I heard that balding!
31:22OK, today, Greg, we're hoping to find that special sauce
31:27that makes a good Stand Up To Cancer campaign great.
31:31OK, and these comprise of the appeal film...
31:34The sloppy bits to make people cry and hand over their money.
31:36OK.
31:37And also the celebrity challenge...
31:39Some celebs are flown first class so they can do a trek
31:41and rebrand themselves.
31:43I suppose so, yes.
31:44And also a song.
31:46Manipulative cry bait.
31:48OK, fine, who's doing that?
31:49Hmm.
31:51Oh, God.
31:52So, Nish has composed a song
31:54to try to get more members of the South Asian community
31:57to consider bowel screening.
31:59Yep.
32:00Right, then.
32:01Don't be shy, don't be chumps
32:04Not enough Asians are sharing their dumps
32:06Collect your turd and send your poo
32:08The scientists want your number two
32:10Everybody poop, scoop, seal and send
32:13Just me, do it
32:14You, bella
32:18Get out!
32:19Tell him!
32:20Get out!
32:21Shut it!
32:22Get out!
32:23Get out!
32:24Can do!
32:26Greg?
32:27Yes?
32:28I've got an idea for a challenge.
32:29For who?
32:30For me?
32:31You're not a celebrity.
32:33You look like a child drew a face on a Victorian clothes peg.
32:36No one wants to see you do anything.
32:45Hi Greg, it's Claudia.
32:46Ah, Winkleman.
32:48Sorry to bother you, but Claire Balding's been on the phone.
32:51Yep.
32:52She's really upset about her vulva.
32:54Hmm.
32:55Hello?
32:56Greg, how's it going?
32:58Honestly?
32:59So far I've had Balding's vulva and I've had Nish Kumar's shit song.
33:02It's proving harder than I thought.
33:04Do you know what?
33:05Never failed me, fall back on public humiliation.
33:07What?
33:08I've got naked, I've had my bum waxed and I bungee jumped.
33:11Hmm.
33:12I'm thinking you produce a stool sample live on television and show people the correct way to collect it.
33:19Are you shy?
33:20I thought you were a big brave boy.
33:21I am a big brave boy.
33:23He is a big brave boy.
33:25Awesome.
33:26I'll tell him you're in.
33:27He said yes!
33:29I am not doing plit plops on national television.
33:34We need more ideas and we need them now.
33:36I can't take any more.
33:38Shit!
33:39Are you mad?
33:42Claire?
33:43I said no to your vulva.
33:45I'm not going to sign off on a giant turd, am I?
33:48My God, I thought you were supposed to be clever.
33:50I thought you were like a sporty Stephen Fry.
33:52Greg, this mascot will get people talking about screaming their shit.
33:56They're shit.
33:57They're shit.
33:58They're shit.
33:59No, Claire.
34:00Your ideas.
34:01They're shit.
34:02We need funny, clever, edgy ideas.
34:04Go back to the drawing board.
34:06Wanker.
34:07I heard you again, Balding!
34:11Well, well, well.
34:12My old diving partner.
34:14Hi, Gregles.
34:15It's Greg.
34:16Or sir.
34:17What have you got for me?
34:18I am knitting something quite special for you.
34:21It's not a vulva, is it?
34:23How did you know?
34:24Was it that obvious?
34:27Hi, Greg.
34:28Dermot Murna.
34:30Another candidate for the song, are you?
34:32It's spoken word composition.
34:34Is it indeed?
34:37Good evening.
34:38Our top story tonight.
34:42Cancer.
34:43Yeah, it's good, Dermot.
34:44I just...
34:45It's bad for everyone.
34:48Could I, um...
34:52Get out, Dermot.
34:55Honestly.
34:56What a vibe, girl.
34:57Have we not got anyone fun?
34:58You need to be more intimidating.
35:00Right.
35:01Intimidating to cancer.
35:03And we do that how?
35:06Listen up, you slimy piece of shit!
35:08You think you can crawl in wrecked lives and just get away with it?
35:11Well, not on my fucking watch, dickhead.
35:13You've picked the wrong enemy.
35:14I'm gonna crawl inside you and destroy you cell by cell.
35:17You hear me, you cancerous bastard!
35:23Well...
35:26He was a little aggressive.
35:27He was lovely.
35:29Hmm.
35:30I do think my challenge idea is good.
35:33Alex, the people upstairs have already said no.
35:35But the people upstairs are an accountancy firm.
35:38Yes, they are.
35:39And they think you are a...
35:40Tit.
35:41What?
35:42How the fuck did you get an OBE?
35:45It's a CBE, actually.
35:47But, Greg, once again, this mascot is designed to get people talking about breast screening.
35:52Claire, I can't have a megaboob in the studio.
35:55People are perverts.
35:56They won't be able to stop themselves.
35:57Hey!
35:58Dirty boy!
35:59See?
36:00Do you have any better ideas?
36:01Well...
36:04Well, considering that you don't have anything else at all, could I please have my shit,
36:09my tit and my vulva?
36:12Fine!
36:13You are a twat.
36:16Pulting is mean!
36:18I know.
36:20I was just thinking, Greg, considering the situation, what about my challenge?
36:24Will it be humiliating for you?
36:26Oh, yeah.
36:27OK.
36:28Fine.
36:29Get on with it.
36:30It's a bulging problem.
36:32Yes!
36:41You can see the rest of their story next week from 7.30 on Channel 4.
36:44And Alex Horne is going to give us a hint as to what his challenge might be after the break.
36:48We also want your votes for this year's Hands Awards.
36:51Message us on WhatsApp or Instagram.
36:53The hashtag is showofhands.
36:54We'll see you in a little bit.
36:55APPLAUSE
36:56Welcome back to The Last Leg, we're joined by Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan.
37:13Now, before the break we showed you some footage of Greg Davies and Alex Horne trying to come
37:17up with some ideas for the Stand Up To Cancer campaign.
37:20All week, Alex Horne is going to be releasing teasers for what his on-air challenge will be.
37:24Here's the first one that he made just for us.
37:26Hello, everyone.
37:27Hello, Adam.
37:28Hello, Alex.
37:29Hi, Josh.
37:30Normally I set the challenges.
37:31Tasks, even.
37:32But now it's my turn.
37:33On Thursday night at 10pm, Channel 4, 11th of December, I am going to do a task.
37:43It will not be easy.
37:45It will be hard.
37:47But I'm ready.
37:48I'm little Alex Horne.
37:49I have no idea what that means.
37:54No idea what that means.
37:56She in on Thursday night to find out what his challenge is going to be.
37:59Let's do a bit of entertainment news now.
38:02Meghan Markle has released a Christmas special of her Netflix show.
38:05Here is a riveting scene of her carefully explaining what an advent calendar is, as if she's just
38:09discovered them for the first time.
38:12I love the idea of an advent calendar.
38:14So I wanted to do it for my own kids.
38:16You could get small ones that just have a small chocolate each day.
38:19You can get them pre-made.
38:20And all it's really about is having a surprise and delight every single day for 24 days until
38:26you get to Christmas.
38:27But they're not supposed to be big things.
38:29They're supposed to be small gestures.
38:31Carols and bells, incredible smell.
38:34I'm writing, I love you because you are so kind.
38:37And I love you because you're so brave.
38:39Yeah.
38:40There's another note that says, stay away from Uncle Andrew.
38:55How is she too edgy for the royal family?
38:58How are the royal family going?
39:01What are they thinking?
39:02I mean, hanging out with a pedophile is one thing, but wrapping cinnamon sticks in a bow is just too
39:06damn disruptive.
39:07I was wondering why Prince Harry's just done, you know, Colbert in America.
39:13He's been doing a late night TV show.
39:14Yeah, and I was like, why is he doing that?
39:16And now I've seen that, it's to get out of the house.
39:19These are big things.
39:20But like, if I was a kid and I got like a note in my advent calendar that says I love you, without a chocolate, I would think they don't love me.
39:29Yes!
39:30You can't write your kind, I tell you who's not fucking kind, the person who didn't give me a chocolate.
39:35Wouldn't you run out of things to say as well?
39:37Like, after a while you'd just be like, happy Wednesday.
39:40I'm a big fan of both of them, I won't hear a word again.
39:45I genuinely love Harry and Meghan.
39:47Do you?
39:48They left the shit fight that is the royal family and we think they're the weirdos.
39:52No, no, we think they're all weird.
39:55Both sides.
39:56It's possible for both of them to be wankers.
39:59Oh, look at Britain.
40:04Look at Britain.
40:07And that is how revolution begins.
40:10All right, it's time to bring on this week's mystery guest.
40:14Amy and Guz have to work out why they're in the news this week.
40:17Can we have the mystery guest, please?
40:19Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
40:22Mysterious guest!
40:23I wanna get close to you.
40:27So close to you, my favourite.
40:31OK, this is Lauren and Joe, but why were they in the news this week?
40:36Can we have the dramatic lighting change, please?
40:40So, Lauren surprised Joe by walking down the aisle dressed as a T-rex.
40:47Lauren surprised Joe by jumping out of his birthday cake giving him a heart attack or
40:53Lauren surprised mourners by turning up at a funeral dressed as a deceased
40:58Joe's grand
41:01What are you what are your initial thought I don't think it could be the heart attack because you look so good and healthy right now
41:16Also, if he'd had a heart attack, I wouldn't have shouted at him like that
41:21Thank goodness so t-rex down the aisle or
41:25Dressing as his dead gram at the funeral. Why did you ask him did she dress as your dead grandma?
41:32Okay, I tell you what we'll reveal the mystery guests after the break. Okay, no more questions to them
41:38Alex will end the show by singing with his new band unique limb situation
41:43Don't go away. Don't miss that. We'll see in a little bit
41:46I
42:02Welcome back to last legs. We're joined by Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan now before the break
42:05We challenged our guests to work out how this person's wife was connected to the news. Can we have the options again, please?
42:11Yes
42:13Yes, did she walk down the aisle dressed as a t-rex on our wedding day
42:18Did she jump out of his birthday cake giving him a heart attack or did she come to his grand funeral dressed as his grand?
42:26What do you think I?
42:28I defer to the intelligent and legendary one here in this combination. Okay, you coward
42:33Yes, haha, Amy
42:35T-rex t-rex t-rex down the aisle well mystery guest is going to reveal the answer by dressing in the appropriate way
42:42Come on out
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46:15If you see me walking down the street, staring at the sky, dragging my fake feet, a cap just
46:29drove straight on, did not know that's a farm, big hands won't make me whole again.
46:36Looking back on where my foot left, I cannot escape, but the parking's the best, Mittens, you're the one, you still slip right on, big hands won't make me whole again.
46:57Because my limbs are great, and I won't change my mind, new hands would be too late, cause I'm happy to go on, with these little buggers, there's nothing wrong, big hands won't make me whole again.
47:14Looking back on where my foot left, I cannot escape, but the parking's the best, Mittens, you're the one, you still slip right on, big hands won't make me whole again.
47:35Oh, Mittens, you're the one, you still slip right on, big hands won't make me whole again.
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