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The Last Leg - Season 33 Episode 9 -
The Last Leg of SU2C
The Last Leg of SU2C
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00:00Don't mind me if I repeat myself
00:02These simple rhymes be good for your health
00:04And keep them crime rhymes on the shelf
00:06Live my life like you just don't care
00:09Five lives, the leaders never scared
00:11Rain and noise is the moment they fear
00:13Get up, still a beautiful idea
00:16Get up, throw your hands in the air
00:18Get up, get up, get up
00:21Get up, get up
00:24Get up, get up
00:26Get up, get up
00:30Cut out the dead weight
00:34I act like the teachers left the room and never mention rugby league again
00:37It's friday we're live and it's time for the last leg of stand up to cancer
00:43Tonight on the show Australia against antisocial
00:46The US gives international travellers the finger
00:49And we continue to stand up to cancer
00:51Plus we'll be joined by John Richardson, AJ Adudu and Matt Ford
00:56On the show that always gives the news a helping hand
01:00The last leg of stand up to cancer
01:01The show that even more than usual feels like it's got a bit missing
01:15With me as always is the pride of Dartmoor, Josh Whittakam
01:17And the man who thought this day would never come, Alex Brooker
01:20So for those of you who've only just tuned in
01:21Look how smart we look
01:22We look like kids that have been dressed for a wedding
01:23Alex looked like Zelensky on his second trip to the White House
01:24I'm gonna get a good deal
01:25So look for those of you who've only just tuned in
01:26Adam's been doing the live stand up to cancer show, so I can't believe I'm saying this
01:28But me and Josh are in charge
01:29WOOOOO
01:30WOOOOO
01:31WOOOOO
01:32WOOOOO
01:34WOOOOO
01:35WOOOOO
01:36WOOOOO
01:37WOOOOO
01:38WOOOOO
01:39WOOOOO
01:40WOOOOO
01:41WOOOOO
01:42WOOOOO
01:43WOOOOO
01:44WOOOOO
01:45WOOOOO
01:46WOOOOO
01:47WOOOOO
01:48WOOOOO
01:49Adam's been doing the live stand-up to cancer show, so I can't believe I'm saying this, but me and Josh are in charge.
02:09I tell you what, I'm so glad I found this magic lamp. Honestly, I just can't believe I didn't use my one wish on healing my foot.
02:16Yes, and just to be clear, if you wonder why I am moving around, this morning the production realised they'd forgotten to get a second chair, and I am on an exercise ball.
02:33So, I am sorting my abs out while we do the show.
02:40It's not exactly the call on me video, is it?
02:42LAUGHTER
02:45But the man forget, I can't believe I'm actually, well it's unsurprisingly, but there's actually not a lot of leg room.
02:50There isn't, but, do you want to, there is items that Hillsy keeps behind the desk, so there's this book, Shoehorning Rugby League into any conversation for dummies.
02:58What else have we got in there?
03:00We've got a message that he's just got for himself, which just says, you are enough.
03:04He really did love that Barbie film, didn't he?
03:07This one is the rudest.
03:10He's just got Josh and Alex with arrows.
03:13LAUGHTER
03:16The fucking cheek of it.
03:17Well, look, so...
03:18Teachers away! Let's do this!
03:23LAUGHTER
03:28Wow.
03:30So, look, as Adam's not here, we had to work out who was going to host this part.
03:34So we did, we did rock, paper, scissors backstage.
03:37But as all mine looked the same, meant I won.
03:40So, Josh, you crack on over to the sofa.
03:42I'm going to take the reins for part one.
03:45Whoa!
03:47There we are!
03:49Pressure's on, Brooker.
03:52You know what? I've had a long time to think about how I'd host this show, what I'd do.
03:56And there's one change that I've always wanted to make.
03:59So I've got myself an Aperol spritz button.
04:01Let's have a little go of it now.
04:02MUSIC PLAYS
04:08I've got to get through this, I've got to get through this
04:11I've got to make, I've got to make, I've got to make it through
04:14Yeah, I've got to get through this
04:16I've got to get through this
04:17I've got to get through this
04:18I've got to take, I've got to take my hand up on you
04:25All right.
04:28No, that is actually Aperol spritz.
04:30LAUGHTER
04:32And I've got four of them, this is going to be brilliant.
04:34Right, feel suitably refreshed.
04:36Now we are live on your television right now
04:38which means you can send us any questions you'd like to ask us
04:41about the news
04:42and given, look, that it's nearly midnight
04:44I can imagine those questions are going to be pretty wild.
04:48Anyway, you can message us on Instagram with the hashtag
04:50Is it OK?
04:51Is it OK?
04:52The answer is no it isn't
04:53Or by WhatsApp using the number 07956175908
04:59Or by scanning the QR code on the screen
05:02For example, is it OK to lose your head on live TV?
05:06No, no, no.
05:07It isn't, although give me long enough in here.
05:08We'll see.
05:09Is it OK to lose your head on live TV if it's hilarious?
05:13Yes.
05:14Yes, it is.
05:15If you're our good mate James Acaster
05:16as proven by this incredible footage
05:18from last weekend's Saturday Kitchen.
05:21I can tell you that 54% of you want...
05:26Did you see the autocue coming down there?
05:28Yeah!
05:29Yeah!
05:30Tapas!
05:31Yeah!
05:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
05:34See, he didn't punch up Polar Bear, I now know why
05:54he didn't get the job on Blue Planet.
05:57Now, Adam's currently making his way across town to the studio
06:00and will no doubt be using his Freedom Pass to get here,
06:03but, Hilsey, where are you at the moment?
06:07Uh, boys, I'm on my way to you.
06:09I'm just about to get on a bus with a tit, a ship
06:12and a giant vulva.
06:13And I'm going to be honest,
06:14it's not the first time I've said that sentence in my life.
06:16LAUGHTER
06:17Oh, well...
06:18How's it all going back there?
06:19Are you looking after the show?
06:21Yeah, yeah, we're OK, thank you.
06:23Josh might have smashed a draw already,
06:24but other than that, we're, um...
06:26Yeah, we're doing all right, Hilsey.
06:27Thank you very much, yeah.
06:28We really can't wait for you to get back.
06:30Yeah, you...
06:31You guys are keeping people to account,
06:33speaking truth to power, right?
06:35Uh...
06:36Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:37Alex has got an Aperol spritz.
06:39LAUGHTER
06:42Oh, hey, I'm going to have to go, um,
06:45for a number of reasons.
06:46I need to get to you,
06:47but also it looks like I'm hosting
06:48the world's weirdest hen party.
06:50So I'll see you soon.
06:51LAUGHTER
06:52See you in a bit, Hilty!
06:53All right, cheers.
06:54Let's go, let's go.
06:55APPLAUSE
07:00Um...
07:01Do you think he's going to make it back?
07:04I'm not...
07:05I don't think he is.
07:06No.
07:07Oh, God.
07:08Let's bring back the mariachis!
07:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:12Oh, ho, ho!
07:14Celebrate your times, come on!
07:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:22Celebrate your times, come on!
07:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:34Oh, dear.
07:35Oh.
07:36Uh, I'm just going to...
07:37Just seeing what the next bit I've got to read is,
07:39so I'm just going to move my Aperol spritz out of shot.
07:41LAUGHTER
07:42Just to remind you,
07:43we are still in fundraising mode,
07:44so you can still donate to Stand Up To Cancer.
07:47Almost one in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime.
07:50Help us fight back.
07:51And to give 30...
07:53To give, sorry, 40, 30, 20 or £10
07:56to support Stand Up To Cancer,
07:58text 40, 30, 20 or 10 to 704 04
08:02or to donate any amount online,
08:04go to channel4.com forward slash su2c.
08:08100% of the money you give will fund
08:10life-saving cancer research.
08:13Um, Josh, you're looking...
08:14You're looking lonely.
08:15I am looking lonely, yeah.
08:16Well, there's normally someone sat next to me, Brooker.
08:18I know.
08:19Well, I think it's time to bring out my replacement, shall we?
08:21OK, yeah.
08:22So, he's my favourite diminutive comedian.
08:24What?
08:25A man who makes Josh look edgy.
08:26What?
08:27Please welcome...
08:28John Richardson!
08:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:31Oh, John!
08:32Welcome to the show.
08:33Hello there.
08:34When's your dad back?
08:35How does it feel being in my seat?
08:36Can you feel the banter?
08:37Er, no, because you've taken your notes.
08:38Yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:39Sorry, man.
08:40I've got all of them over here.
08:41How's it...
08:42How's it...
08:43How's it...
08:44How's it...
08:45Oh, John!
08:46Welcome to the show!
08:47Hello there.
08:48When's your dad back?
08:49How's it feel being in my seat?
08:50Can you...
08:51Can you feel the banter?
08:52Er, no, because you've taken your notes.
08:53Yeah.
08:54Sorry, man.
08:55I've got all of them over here.
08:56How's it...
08:57How's it...
08:58Can you see...
08:59I've put a proper bum groove in there?
09:00There is a little groove in there.
09:01It's taken like 13 years.
09:02Look at that.
09:03I wondered why you used to rub yourself forward and back.
09:04I thought you had worms.
09:05LAUGHTER
09:06Right, we're going to get...
09:07I think there was a couple of series when I did.
09:09We're going to get to the real big news of the week in a bit.
09:12But first, the big news between us was Josh's reaction to my Spotify rap.
09:16Now, here's just how impressed he was.
09:18Do you want my top 5 songs?
09:19Okay, hit me.
09:20Number 5, I Want It That Way.
09:21Absolute banger.
09:22Yeah.
09:23Number 4, If You're Getting Down by 5.
09:26First, the big news between us was Josh's reaction to my Spotify rap.
09:30Now, here's just how impressed he was.
09:34Do you want my top five songs?
09:36OK, hit me.
09:37Number five, I want it that way.
09:41Absolute banger.
09:42Yeah.
09:42Number four, if you're getting down, by five.
09:46Number three, keep on moving, by five.
10:02I just realised how absurd these are.
10:05This is no lie, by the way.
10:06It's genuinely my fire rap.
10:08Number two, flying without wings.
10:11Are you ready for number one?
10:17No.
10:18My most listened to song of 2025.
10:22Can you feel the love tonight?
10:25Oh, my God.
10:30See you next year.
10:33Yeah, look.
10:35Five.
10:37Just five absolute bangers,
10:40mainly involving five.
10:42What's your beef with them?
10:43But it's the line-up to the 2003 Smash It's poll winners party.
10:47Have you chosen flying without wings
10:49because you think it's a disability?
10:52John, look, what did you make of it?
10:54I thought it was all right.
10:55I'm not saying this for the show.
10:56I think you need fucking help.
11:03Oh.
11:04I think it's pathetic.
11:05You think it's pathetic?
11:07I think it's pathetic.
11:08Yeah.
11:08As do I think it's pathetic.
11:10You had your chance to do anything at the start of the show
11:12and the naughtiest thing you could think of
11:14was putting on a feather bow and letting off a party popper.
11:18Both of those have stopped me getting my pip.
11:20But it wasn't just you both who thought it was pathetic.
11:33Somebody commented, I love this.
11:35He seems okay that he will never be cool.
11:37Oh, that's fine.
11:39Oh, that's fine.
11:40Can I also say on that, can you feel the love tonight, we're all thinking it, that we know
11:46why you're putting that on.
11:47Oh, come on, that's your shagging song, isn't it?
11:51No, it goes on for ages.
11:53LAUGHTER
11:54I'm a 21-seconds fan.
11:56LAUGHTER
11:57LAUGHTER
11:59APPLAUSE
12:01My other favourite comment on the Instagram post
12:08was someone saying that I must have a sign in my kitchen
12:11that says, live, laugh, love.
12:13LAUGHTER
12:14I don't doubt it, Brooker, I don't doubt it.
12:16Actually, I don't, I don't have that.
12:18I have one that says, be careful of sharp knives,
12:20which, in hindsight, was too little too late.
12:22LAUGHTER
12:24But look, going to my spot, like, this spot I wrote,
12:26you properly, you've mugged it off.
12:28I've never mugged anyone off, Brooker.
12:30Well, you've not been happy with it.
12:32Yeah.
12:33You mentioned last week that, like, four of your top five songs
12:37were Sabrina Carpenter, you little pervert.
12:39LAUGHTER
12:41She's the greatest songwriter of her generation, incredible.
12:44And you've never watched any of the videos on the Spotify?
12:46You don't get the videos on Spotify.
12:48Not that I'd know, cos I haven't looked.
12:49LAUGHTER
12:51And, John, what sort of music toast have you got, then?
12:56Er, terrible.
12:57But I think... I would say in favour of your Spotify,
12:59cos no-one's getting paid from Spotify,
13:01the artists don't get any money.
13:02At least you've picked people who aren't together any more,
13:04or aren't performing.
13:05So, they're not going to miss the money cos they've fucking retired 20 years.
13:08LAUGHTER
13:10West Laugh are performing next year, man.
13:12Are they?
13:12Going to see them. How did I not like that?
13:14Oh, no.
13:15LAUGHTER
13:17Look, I bet I don't think so.
13:18So, like, what sort of thing are you in...?
13:20What are you into, though?
13:22Er, well, it's my daughter that uses my Spotify,
13:25so, erm, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.
13:27LAUGHTER
13:28Can I...
13:29Can I revert to that excuse for mine as well?
13:31LAUGHTER
13:32But, look, I stand by my music selection so much,
13:36I've decided to change Hill's buttons as a little treat for him
13:40for when he get back.
13:41So, let's have a little go.
13:42This is the first button.
13:43Tell me why ain't nothing but a party...
13:49Honestly, he's going to love it when he...
13:51..when he tries to make a political comment and punctuate with this.
13:54LAUGHTER
13:56I'm ready for the next Paralympics.
14:00MUSIC PLAYS
14:02I'm ready for the next Paralympics.
14:04MUSIC PLAYS
14:05You know how much that means
14:08You found that special thing
14:11You're flying with our wings
14:14And what's the fourth button?
14:15What's the fourth button?
14:17A turd the size of Disneyland Paris.
14:19LAUGHTER
14:20Yes, we, er...
14:21We ran out of money to clear any of the other...
14:23LAUGHTER
14:24..but on to the big news now.
14:26And Michael asked,
14:27Is it OK that I'm proud of Australia
14:29for banning social media access to children?
14:32Let's hope the rest of the world follows.
14:34Yes, now, usually news from Australia is less down under
14:37and more akin with the upside down,
14:39but this week they've done something quite radical.
14:42As of Wednesday,
14:43all of the major social media platforms
14:45have had to take steps to remove any users
14:48under the age of 16.
14:50And the worst thing about that is you're not even old enough
14:52to buy cigarettes to, like, get over it.
14:54LAUGHTER
14:55So, how do you boys feel about the ban?
14:57I think it's a great idea.
14:59I think, erm...
15:01I think that it's a bit weird
15:04that the only week in 13 years
15:06when we're praising Australia
15:07is the week Hillsie's away.
15:09LAUGHTER
15:10Wait till the Ashes finishes next week.
15:11Yeah.
15:12And I also...
15:14I think I would totally ban social media for under-16s,
15:17er, with the caveat,
15:19unless they're being difficult and you want a bit of a rest.
15:21LAUGHTER
15:24Now, reports suggest that the main hope
15:26is that it will stop young people
15:27from meeting men in their 40s online
15:29who Spotify top five are Sabrina Garvey top five.
15:32LAUGHTER
15:34APPLAUSE
15:36One drawback of it, apparently, is that for the kids
15:43who live in isolated areas, so some people's closest neighbour
15:47lives about 50 miles away, so it's the best way to communicate.
15:50How much of a concern do you think that is?
15:53To be clear, though, it's the best way to communicate for everyone.
15:55Like, there's nothing wrong with social media.
15:57It's the adults.
15:58We have failed to ask the companies to regulate what's on there.
16:01We're addicted to it.
16:02It's adults banning a product that we are addicted to.
16:05So, no, I don't want you on your phone all the time,
16:07cos, er, I need it.
16:08LAUGHTER
16:10Also, if they're 50 miles away,
16:12I don't think you can use the word my nearest neighbour.
16:15They're not your fucking neighbour.
16:16LAUGHTER
16:17Neighbours was set in Australia.
16:19It wasn't Scott and Charlene with 50 miles in the dreamers.
16:22LAUGHTER
16:23It's a nightmare on Trick or Treat
16:25where you walk 50 miles to get a chopper chaps.
16:29We were out for four hours, we only did one hour.
16:31LAUGHTER
16:33So, under-16s have been banned from Facebook,
16:35Instagram, Freds, X, YouTube, Snapchat,
16:38Reddit, Kik, Twitch and TikTok.
16:41Um, is there any of those you struck?
16:43What, I'm going to say it,
16:44Threads are fucking lucky to be on that list.
16:46LAUGHTER
16:47Everyone banned themselves from Threads 48 hours in!
16:50LAUGHTER
16:51I don't think anybody over 16 should be on Twitch.
16:54No.
16:55That's the, that, you know, that's the game, the streaming...
16:58Yeah, that's the gaming one.
16:59Yeah, no-one should be on that, no.
17:00But what the fuck was Kik?
17:01What's Kik? I don't know.
17:02Snapchat in Australia is, er,
17:04how they check where the crocodiles are, isn't it?
17:07LAUGHTER
17:11Now, apparently, teenagers are already getting around the band
17:17if they look older than they are.
17:19Back in our day, when you could buy cider from the off here
17:22if you had a bum fluff and moustache.
17:24Do you ever...
17:25No, I don't, no, I never managed that.
17:27LAUGHTER
17:28I'm still waiting for that one.
17:29We'll have a look at this insightful clip.
17:32LAUGHTER
17:33What about you?
17:34Are you going to miss your social media?
17:36I'm not removed from anything.
17:37The ban hasn't worked.
17:38It hasn't worked?
17:39Why's that?
17:40Because my camera's terrible, so they think I'm 16.
17:43LAUGHTER
17:45I mean, that kid at the bottom...
17:46I know the kid at the top thinks that one at the bottom,
17:48there is no way he's passing over 16.
17:51LAUGHTER
17:52That's me, the little kid on the left,
17:54looking at him going,
17:55Fuck off.
17:56LAUGHTER
17:57They didn't seem...
17:58They didn't seem too bothered about it,
18:00but I just think when you've grown up in the country
18:03where everything's trying to kill you
18:05from the sun to the plants,
18:07like, hashtags are the least of your problems, aren't they?
18:09Yeah, and also, the kids will always find a workaround.
18:12They will all be on LinkedIn before you know it.
18:14LAUGHTER
18:18Uh, so, um, sorry,
18:20just the autocue's just got stuck, I've already said that bit.
18:22LAUGHTER
18:24Yeah, I've already said that bit.
18:25Hils has never had to say it!
18:28LAUGHTER
18:30I'll tell you, you would have got away.
18:32LAUGHTER
18:33Hilsie's absolutely fucked you on the ORQ.
18:36LAUGHTER
18:37Hilsie's got their own fours.
18:38Hilsie's upstairs now, absolutely high-fiving the team.
18:41LAUGHTER
18:42Um, to be honest with you,
18:43I have just felt a massive wave of sadness,
18:45a bit like when Mufasa dies in the Lion King,
18:48which must mean I think we're due an update from Hils.
18:51Um, yep, I'm hearing he's on the line now.
18:53Where are you, Hilsie?
18:54Uh, yeah, look, sorry boys,
18:57I had to get off the bus for a whole bunch of reasons.
18:59Uh, mainly the giant shit hit the fan.
19:02I'm not even entirely sure why there was a fan on the bus,
19:04but I'm now going to get on a motorbike,
19:06because apparently that's the quickest way to get to you,
19:08uh, but I have to put some leathers on first.
19:10I'm not entirely sure this is necessary,
19:12but I'll give it a crack.
19:13Um, see you soon.
19:15LAUGHTER
19:16Look, looks up the hills on the bus,
19:28did go round and round and round.
19:30Ah, there we are.
19:41What a highbrow show this has become.
19:43Um, but look, don't worry,
19:44we've got some excellent guests to make up through his absence.
19:47One's on Big Brother,
19:48the other's missing part of his bladder,
19:50it's AJ O'Doodoo and Matt Fords!
19:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:03Hello!
20:04Good to see you!
20:10Hello!
20:11Oh, welcome to the show.
20:13All right.
20:14Tonight, we're also presenting our Hands Awards
20:17to people who've inspired us this year.
20:19Who would you both nominate? AJ, starting with you.
20:21Um, I would nominate Bus Auntie.
20:25She is a respected mental health nurse,
20:30but she's gone viral, uh,
20:32for her love of double-decker red buses.
20:36OK.
20:37She's great!
20:38She's really, really great!
20:40Here's a video of Bus Auntie in action.
20:43She's an icon, she's a legend, and she is the moment!
21:02The problem with that, though, is she just looks like she keeps missing the bus.
21:06LAUGHTER
21:07She's having to get Ubers everywhere!
21:09Um, 40...
21:10No, she raves at the bus drivers,
21:12she shows of appreciation,
21:14she loves them,
21:15she rides them,
21:16she met Kia Stamper on one!
21:18Did she?
21:19Yeah!
21:20LAUGHTER
21:21Who would you nominate?
21:22Who would you nominate?
21:23No, someone over there laughed!
21:24LAUGHTER
21:25It wasn't me!
21:26Who would you nominate, Fordy?
21:28I want to nominate, um, a nurse who's helped me this year,
21:32called Sharon Hall at the Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital.
21:35Um, she's the lead urology nurse there,
21:37and I had surgery recently to deal with, um...
21:41I realise this sort of thing,
21:42it's only when you're saying out on live TV you realise,
21:44I'm not sure this was something I should be divulging,
21:46to deal with my male incontinence.
21:48And, um, I've had a artificial urinary sphincter put in...
21:53Wow.
21:54..to stop me peeing my pants following spinal surgery.
21:56I had cancer a couple of years ago,
21:57I'm a brave survivor.
21:59Um, and, um, I...
22:01Yeah!
22:06One in service will get it, I've had it,
22:09so it's coming to two of you guys.
22:11Um...
22:12Sorry.
22:13Watch out!
22:15Um...
22:16Thanks for joining us, Fordy.
22:18It's always good to have you on about...
22:20The angel of death's arrived!
22:22Yeah!
22:23Josh, who...
22:24Did you nominate...
22:25Well, last week I nominated Sabrina Carpenter,
22:27we've discussed this,
22:28but, uh,
22:29we couldn't get her the award.
22:31We...
22:32We contacted her agent,
22:33and they said,
22:34I'm really sorry,
22:35we will get anything for the show tomorrow.
22:37Apologies,
22:38I don't want to give you any false hope.
22:39As if we had any fucking false hope!
22:41Um,
22:42at least now you can re-script your segment.
22:44But we've got the...
22:45We've got it made,
22:46so here is, like,
22:47a classic racy picture of what people remember.
22:49Sabrina Carpenter's outfits.
22:50And here is the hands.
22:52There it is.
22:53Gorgeous!
22:54Oh, that...
22:55They're like twins!
22:57So there we go.
22:58I think that is very similar.
22:59Is it?
23:00And John, who's yours?
23:01I like the fact Eve and her agent said,
23:03you can re-script the segment,
23:04and you went,
23:05no, just do it anyway.
23:06LAUGHTER
23:07And John, who's your nomination?
23:09Well, I didn't know Matt was going to do a nurse
23:12that had, uh, operated on him,
23:14so I have picked a darts player
23:16who has suffered a different kind of adversity this year.
23:20Um, he's had to change his nickname
23:22because his name is Tim Pussy,
23:24and he wanted to be called The Magnet.
23:26LAUGHTER
23:29I just think it's a sign that darts
23:31has lost its way a little bit.
23:32That's...
23:33What's wrong with Magnet Tim?
23:35Yeah.
23:36Well, he's changed it to The Muncher,
23:37so, um...
23:38LAUGHTER
23:39He's dealt with it very well.
23:41Well, we'll have more Last Leg of Stand Up To Cancer
23:43for you after the break
23:44as we hand out more Hands Awards
23:46and check in on Far Away Hills.
23:48We'll see you soon.
23:50APPLAUSE
24:04Welcome back to The Last Leg of Stand Up To Cancer.
24:07We're joined by John Richardson, AJ Adudu and Matt Ford,
24:11but still not Adam Hill!
24:16Come on.
24:17Come on, that's unfair.
24:18Now, let's focus on the important people,
24:20the ones that could be bothered to be here.
24:22Matt.
24:23Yes.
24:24It's Stand Up To Cancer tonight,
24:25which is obviously a topic close to your heart.
24:28Yeah, I'm a stand-up.
24:29Stroke spine.
24:30And, um...
24:31LAUGHTER
24:32So, tell us what happened with you, then.
24:34I got spinal cancer, um, a couple of years ago.
24:37I was performing at the Edinburgh Festival,
24:39had terrible nerve pain in my buttock,
24:41and went to see a doctor,
24:43and they said, you've probably just slipped a disc.
24:45Got an MRI,
24:46and there was a rare cancer at the base of my spine
24:48called a chordoma
24:49that only one in a million people get.
24:50Oh, my gosh.
24:51And at that point, obviously, you just...
24:53You can't quite comprehend that it's cancer, cos...
24:56No, to the point where, when you told me,
24:58you texted me and did it in the form of a quiz question.
25:03LAUGHTER
25:06That reflects really badly on me,
25:07but it was...
25:08Josh and I are part of a text group of...
25:10Let's not go into it! Let's not go into it!
25:12We have a running joke, and there are quizzes
25:14as part of the theme, and I invented a...
25:16Yeah.
25:17I was... I said, what is wrong with me?
25:18It was like, A, asthma, B, something...
25:20G, cancer.
25:22And knowing full well no-one was going to guess it.
25:24And it just added a game show element to proceedings,
25:27but I think...
25:28Now, you've had some good news recently.
25:30Yes, so, my last scan was clear,
25:31so I'm two years clear of cancer now, to go.
25:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
25:37Yeah.
25:38Matt!
25:39Matt!
25:40That only means one thing.
25:42Bring them out!
25:45Maybe I was gonna fly
25:47Wanna live, don't wanna die
25:50Maybe I just want grief
25:52Ziggy, I just don't believe
25:54Maybe you're the same as me
25:56You'll see if you'll never see
25:59Good night, we'll live forever
26:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
26:05That's very cool.
26:09Now, earlier in the show you mentioned your neurology nurse Sharon Gill,
26:12you wanted to give her a hands award
26:14Yeah
26:15Much like Hillsy, she couldn't be with us tonight
26:17But she has got you a message, here it is
26:21Thank you so much, Matt, for the nomination
26:23It's very, very kind of you, I'm very grateful
26:25I'm so sorry I couldn't be with you tonight
26:27But I wish you all the very best and see you soon
26:30Aww
26:31APPLAUSE
26:33You can still donate
26:35Stand Up To Cancer will reveal the total raise tonight
26:38At the end of the show
26:40Now, almost one in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime
26:43Help us fight back
26:44Help us fight back
26:45To give 40, 30 or 10 pounds to support Stand Up To Cancer
26:48Text 40, 30, 20 or 10 to 70404
26:53Or to donate any amount online go to channel4.com forward slash su2c
26:58100% of the money you give will fund life-saving cancer research
27:02Now, it's time for our hands awards as we recognise
27:05Some of the heroes of the year
27:21I can be your hands, baby
27:27I can hands away the pain
27:32I will hands by you forever
27:37You can take my hands away
27:44APPLAUSE
27:51Our first award is for Fay, who adapts and teaches Strictly Come Dancing performances
27:58So they can be performed by wheelchair users
28:02And post them to her Instagram
28:04All whilst battling M.E. herself
28:10Hi, it's Fay
28:11I just wanted to say a huge thank you to the last leg
28:13I'm delighted to accept this hands award
28:15For creating and teaching adaptations of Strictly Come Dancing routines each week
28:19To show fellow chronically ill and disabled people that dances for everyone
28:23He's very prolonged
28:24APPLAUSE
28:29Our next award of the night goes to Celia Imry
28:32Who was nominated by Adam Hills on last week's show
28:34For owning her own embarrassment on the Traitors
28:38Here she is, accepting her award
28:40I'm absolutely delighted to be an award winner
28:46And if it's for making everybody laugh, then I couldn't be happier
28:50And I wish you all health and happiness in the year ahead
28:54And thank you again
28:56APPLAUSE
28:57We'll have more Last Leg of Stand Up To Cancer a few after the break
29:03And I'll still be in the hot seat
29:04And we'll have another mystery guest
29:06See you soon
29:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
29:09Welcome back to the last leg of Stand Up To Cancer
29:25We're joined by John Richardson, AJ Adudu and Matt Ford
29:28But still not Adam Hills
29:30And don't forget you can still donate
29:33There?
29:35There we go
29:36We'll announce the total amount raised at the end of the show
29:39Now, Matt, you're going on tour in the new year?
29:40Yes
29:41My new tour, Defying Calamities
29:43Going across the UK from January to June next year
29:46Where they'll talk about male incontinence, erectile dysfunction
29:50All the usual clichés
29:52It's a classic stand-up show
29:54A classic stand-up show
29:55All the well-worn topics
29:56Plus impressions of Donald Trump, Keir Starman
29:59Well, let's get back to Donald Trump
30:01Because David asked
30:02Is it OK that the last leg team may be banned from the US for being nasty to Trump?
30:07Yes, this week it was revealed that travellers planning to visit the US
30:11Will soon have to provide a variety of extra information
30:14Including dates and birthplaces of family members
30:17And their social media activity going back five years
30:22Worried?
30:23Er, no
30:24No, I'm not worried at all
30:25But it's mainly because all of the dodgy tweets I send out are from my burner account
30:29At Josh Whittakam
30:31LAUGHTER
30:34The amount of DPNJ
30:39How are you two feeling about it?
30:42Er...
30:43Well, you don't want to feel like you're being spied on
30:45You don't want to feel like...
30:46No
30:47Being vetted
30:48It's hard enough getting through passport control, do you know what I mean?
30:50It is
30:51And you'll have to give your parents birthdays
30:54I don't know that
30:55I don't know that
30:56I don't know that information
30:57If I need to go to America, I need to know my daughter's birthday
31:00I'm fucked
31:02You don't have to give your parents social media, do you?
31:04What do you mean?
31:05Do you know what my mum's like on...
31:07I do right now
31:08She is in my DMs too much
31:11Er, we've looked into it, right?
31:12Not in that way, not in that way
31:15She... I just get a lot of traction from my content
31:18Er, now
31:19That's not a euphemism
31:20That's not...
31:22What has this show turned into without Elsie?
31:25She hit the bell on your YouTube channel as well, did you?
31:29Er, so...
31:31There are examples
31:32These are like the red lines, right?
31:33These are the red flags people can't cross
31:36So if your social media is deemed too dangerous, something like this
31:40Look at that, John
31:42People who brag too much about their holidays on social media
31:45They are the absolute worst
31:48Look at that absolute wanker
31:51And total nutjobs
31:53Number two
31:55Flyed without wings
31:59However, right, there is a work-around for those looking to move to America
32:02President Trump has announced a scheme offering fast-track US visas for a cost of at least one million dollars
32:10Would you like to see...
32:11This is the taste...
32:12This is the genuine tasteful gold card you will get
32:17Look at that
32:19That's a real picture of Donald Trump riding an eagle past the Statue of Liberty
32:23A really small eagle
32:29A really small eagle
32:32You want to see, right, a very cheery snap of someone who is so happy with their gold card
32:38Look at his little face!
32:40He looks like Charlie Bucket, it's unbelievable!
32:43It's more like Grandpa Joe, to be fair
32:46Now, one of the great things about Hilsey not being here is I can do stories on whatever I want
32:51This week, huge news from the world of Bez from the Happy Mondays
32:56Who has said he could lose his job to an AI bot
33:01You alright, John?
33:03Yeah, well, he didn't though, did he?
33:05He did! He spoke into the issue
33:08He said, this is the quote
33:10I thought no way could AI actually do that
33:12But can just rob everyone and anybody's life
33:15Are you worried about Bez or yourself, John?
33:17I ain't got time to worry about Bez, have you seen my life?
33:22AI's not coming for Bez, is it? No-one cares if a computer does drugs
33:26These are...
33:28LAUGHTER
33:32LAUGHTER
33:34LAUGHTER
33:36AJ, you worried about AI or doo-doo?
33:39LAUGHTER
33:41Do you know what, listen...
33:43That's good for you!
33:45We've got a lot of time for that over
33:46I'm not... I'm not moving...
33:48I feel... I feel like...
33:50It's complex, isn't it?
33:51It's already here
33:53I don't think it's something to fear
33:55It's something that we need to get our heads round and embrace
33:58Because it's not something that's going to happen
34:00It's already happening, do you know what I mean?
34:02Exactly, exactly
34:03Poor old Bez
34:05He's gone already!
34:07Ford, are you worried about it?
34:08No, I think...
34:10I think it's basically not as good as people worry about
34:13I think it's basically rubbish
34:15Are you talking about AI or Bez?
34:16AI!
34:18Bez!
34:19I'm more worried about Bez
34:20Bez poses a bigger threat to my safety than AI does
34:23OK, all right
34:24AI's just Googling it
34:26Have you seen the Spanish monkey that does ASMR though?
34:29Sorry, what?
34:31Are you on the drugs now, John?
34:33It's good stuff
34:35What's that?
34:36It's just like a Spanish monkey that eats food on Instagram
34:39And tells you about it in Spanish, he whispers
34:42That was going to be...
34:44You know what, John?
34:45You have got a lot to worry about
34:47It's time to bring out this week's mystery guest
34:49It's someone from the news
34:50And our guests have to try and identify them
34:53Can we have this week's mystery guest, please?
34:55Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
34:58Mysterious guest
35:00I want to be close to you
35:03Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
35:04I want to be close to you
35:05OK, Alex, who is the mystery guest?
35:09So this is hard bang, but why was he in the news this week? Can we have the dramatic lighting change, please?
35:20Right was he in the news because he traveled to Delhi where he made the final of the throwing a teabag into a mug World Series
35:29Did he travel to Las Vegas where he made the final of the Microsoft Excel World Championships?
35:35Or did he travel to Buenos Aires where he made the final of the sock pairing World Cup?
35:43Okay, teabagging
35:54So what are you thinking guys I'm going to be whatever the middle one was that's the spirit don't even remember what they are
36:01But it because Microsoft well, I just think it's face moved less on the second option
36:09All right, fuck you know Joe fucking Marla on the traitors
36:13Don't need AI we don't need AI
36:17So what we're saying is if it is Microsoft Excel you've proven we don't need AI 100% and if it's teabagging AI all the way
36:24Okay, we'll have more last leg to stand up to cancer after the great one
36:29We'll find out if this man is very quick at pairing socks and announce the final hands award of 2025
36:35But before that let's see where Hillsy is Hillsy. Where are you?
36:41Yeah boys look I've had to get off the bike
36:43But only because I've spotted someone that I think you're gonna want to meet and I'm gonna bring them to the studio Alex
36:48It's not abs from five or Jay from five or
36:52Richie from five I'm gonna keep it a surprise, but and because it's another person. I can't put them on the bike
36:57So I've got a rickshaw. I think we're gonna make it in time
37:02You're gonna be very happy to see this person. Have we checked the rickshaw's got a blue badge. We'll be fine. I'll see you in a bit
37:08Find out if Hillsy makes it back after the break. See you soon
37:18I
37:28Stand up to cancer
37:29I'm back in the big chair and we're joined by John Richardson AJ
37:32Doodoo and Matt Ford now before the break we challenged AJ and Matt to work out how this person was connected to the news
37:41John, please. Can we have the options again? Yes
37:44Sorry, I forgot how well produced this is
37:48It's after midnight man nobody's anyway
37:54He traveled to Delhi where he made the final of the throwing a teabag into a mug World Series
37:58He traveled to Las Vegas where he made the final of the Microsoft Excel World Championships
38:03Or he traveled to Buenos Aires where he made the final of the sock bearing World Cup
38:07So AJ 40 what you thinking they are all believable
38:13But I'm gonna stick to the teabagging you're gonna stick to the teabagging. Yeah
38:18zek 4d
38:19haha
38:20buddy
38:20I'm going Microsoft Excel. I think
38:23But I would believe all of them you can ask any question. Can I?
38:27Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
38:29Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
38:31Come on up.
38:32Someone's got a bit of power behind the desk.
38:35If you're not sure, just, yeah, I'll cup it.
38:38Okay, you're locking in those answers.
38:42So you're going to teabagging.
38:444D. Computers.
38:45You're going for the computers.
38:47Well, mystery guest, can you reveal the correct answer, please,
38:51and tell us why you've been in the news this week?
38:54I went to Las Vegas last week and I made the final
38:57of the Microsoft Excel World Championship.
39:10What happens at the Microsoft Excel World Cup?
39:13So, each battle is a 30-minute challenge
39:18where you have to answer 100 questions
39:20on seven levels of increasing difficulty
39:23and you're supposed to use Excel to solve them
39:25as quickly as possible.
39:26And how did you get into it?
39:28Well, I attended an Excel conference in February
39:31and I saw an advert for the UK chapter of the championship.
39:35I thought, that looked fun.
39:37I tried it out and I won the UK championship.
39:40Hooray!
39:41Congratulations!
39:42You don't need AI!
39:47So what sort of questions do they ask you?
39:50Well, it's a mix of critical thinking, data analysis
39:54and some mathematics involved.
39:56For instance, you might be given the names of ten and ten people
40:01and say, how many of those names have a B in it?
40:03So it could be quite interesting if you put a context into it.
40:06And what are you like with socks and teabags?
40:09LAUGHTER
40:11Is it just Excel, Microsoft Excel,
40:13or would you do another spreadsheet like pages?
40:17You're supposed to use Excel, but the reigning champion,
40:20he was so good, he challenged himself to do one of the rounds
40:23in Google Sheets.
40:25Ooh!
40:27A showboater!
40:29I mean, it's incredible, but for Mo...
40:31If you turn round to your other half and you were just like,
40:33by the way, I'm going to Vegas for an Excel World Championship!
40:37LAUGHTER
40:38But, John, you've got a dart shirt, haven't you, with a new nickname?
40:41I've got a new nickname for you.
40:43It's the Excel Ballet.
40:45LAUGHTER
40:47Give that over.
40:52All right, thank you very much!
40:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:59Now, John has been punching the news this week.
41:02John, what have you got for us?
41:04Er, hey, would you like to see an utterly perfect clip,
41:08which I call, What Did You Think Was Gonna Happen?
41:11Yes, please.
41:12LAUGHTER
41:18LAUGHTER
41:19What else have you got?
41:20Would you like to see some delightful footage
41:21of an Australian man and his leaf blower proving that instant karma exists in Australia?
41:38LAUGHTER
41:39Yes, please!
41:40LAUGHTER
41:41Yes, please!
41:42Tries to blow the leaf blower up the dog's anus.
41:43LAUGHTER
41:44We've got an extra one!
41:45APPLAUSE
41:46Oh!
41:47We've got an extra one!
41:48Oh!
41:49We've got an extra one!
41:50John, this is for you!
41:51This is a message from a hands winner.
41:52Let's have a look.
41:53Let's have a look.
41:54Let's have a look.
41:55Let's have a look.
41:56Yes, please!
41:57Yes, please!
41:58Yes, please!
41:59Hello, everyone at the last leg.
42:00It's Tim Fusey.
42:01I'm really happy to accept the hands award.
42:02I'd like to thank everyone that nominated this award.
42:03There's a message from a hands winner.
42:04It's the only one that has been trained on Beyonce.
42:05All right.
42:06That's it.
42:07What?
42:08Very good!
42:09What, is the other number one?
42:11Do you want to get the answer to this?
42:12Oh, that's the answer.
42:13What's the answer to this?
42:14Is that you?
42:15I think, Matt?
42:16Yeah?
42:17Well, there's an answer to this,
42:18Oh, no.
42:19There's a long answer to that.
42:20Can we go out to this?
42:21What's the answer?
42:22Oh?
42:23There's a long answer.
42:24It's a long answer for a long answer.
42:26the Hands Award. I'd like to thank everyone who nominated me, especially John Richardson.
42:32The Hands Award will look great in the trophy cabinet. It's a perfect preparation for the
42:37World Championship. I'll be beaming with confidence after receiving this.
42:41Oh, I love that guy.
42:46Now, we've just heard the amount you've raised for Stand Up To Cancer since it was on air
42:51two years ago. It currently stands at the drum roll.
42:56£14,212,660!
43:05Ho-ho!
43:08Celebration stars! Come on!
43:17Celebration stars! Come on!
43:23Ho-ho!
43:25Now, we're about to end the show with our final Hands Awards, but before we do, would
43:32you please thank our guests, Aja Doodoo!
43:34Matt Ford!
43:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:37My co-host, Alex Brooker!
43:41And my co-host, Josh Winnickam!
43:43And our other co-host, John Richardson!
43:46We'll be back next week with everyone's first favourite host, Adam Hills, plus our guests,
43:52Fatia Elgore, Roshin, Conaty. But for now, let's see who our final Hands Awards go to.
43:57MUSIC PLAYS
44:11I can be your hands, baby I can hands away the pain
44:21I will hands by you forever You can take my hands away
44:34Our penultimate hands award of the evening goes to Chris Stevenson and David Spencer
44:44They are Kevin Sinfield's fellow runners who cover every mile alongside him
44:51Completing challenges all in aid of the charity MND
44:56Kevin was recognised with the hands award last year
45:00So this year we're recognising Chris and David too
45:04Hello to the last leg, thank you very much for this nomination, it means a great deal
45:10It's an incredible honour and a privilege to represent the MND community
45:14To be part of such an incredible team and to run alongside Kevin
45:18Mine and Chris's job as far as I'm concerned is the easiest and most enjoyable part
45:23It's running with a mate, for a mate
45:25Anything that shines a light on MND and the cruel disease that it is, is good
45:30And I feel very humbled that I've been able to see and touch people that have been impacted by this cruel disease
45:38We will continue to run with a mate, for a mate until we find a cure for MND
45:44Thank you so much
45:46Our last hands award goes to 15 year old Charlotte Gower who won triple gold as Great Britain secured 12 medals at the Deaf Olympics in Tokyo
45:58Hello the last leg, I'm so pleased to accept the 2025 hands award and extremely great to have been nominated for winning seven medals including three golds for Great Britain at the Deaf Olympics in Tokyo at last month
45:59I hope this award will help raise the profile of Deaf sport and give Deaf athletes the recognition they deserve
46:20Thanks again to everyone who nominated me, it means a lot
46:24Incredible stuff, that's it for the 2025 hands awards
46:34And bad news, genuinely just heard, Hilsey isn't going to make it back, but we've got one more surprise hands
46:44AJ and John, can you take the hands mascot costume off to reveal our final winner behind you
46:51There we go, it's Match Specialist Nurse, Hilary Gale!
46:58I know what I do
47:00I know what I do
47:01I know what I do
47:02I know what I do
47:03I know what I do
47:04Our names are Josh Winnicum
47:06And Alex Booker
47:07We'll see you next week for the next league
47:09I can be your hands baby
47:17I can hands away the peg
47:20Oh yeah
47:24I'm all hands by you forever
47:29You can take my hands away
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