- 5 days ago
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00:00Do-do-do-do-do
00:30Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do
00:34Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do
00:38Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do
00:40Oh, Max, can you help me?
00:50Sure, anything you want.
00:53I'm in very big trouble.
00:55I kill him.
00:56Do you kill him?
00:58The man who put you in big trouble.
01:00There is no man.
01:02Yo, gracias.
01:04No, it's my homework. I'll not finish it.
01:07I haven't even started it.
01:09But Mr. Brown is going to be very angry.
01:12Don't worry. Giovanni, he's going to fix everything.
01:15Yes?
01:16Where's Sarah?
01:18Okay, who wants the homework? Only 10p each.
01:26Hey, hey, hey, hey. 10p, no peseta.
01:30Okay, who's the next? Giovanni.
01:34How we know answers are right?
01:37Sure answers are right. My landlady's little boy writes them down.
01:45Quiet, quiet.
01:47Quiet, please.
01:49Where is Mr. Brown?
01:50Mr. Brown not alive.
01:52Oh, this is too bad. He should be here.
01:55You want to give Mr. Brown a massage?
02:00I presume you mean message?
02:02Collect.
02:03No, thank you.
02:05No, I shall wait until he arrives.
02:08It will give me an opportunity to find out how much you have learnt.
02:11Which is precious little, I suspect.
02:13But, madame, we learn a lot from Mr. Brown.
02:16Quiet now. Quiet, quiet.
02:18Very well.
02:21Well, let's see if we can find out how much you've learnt from Mr. Brown.
02:25Can anyone give me a sentence containing the word, uh, catalyst?
02:30Oh, catalyst?
02:31Well, come along, somebody.
02:33Catalyst.
02:33Come along, you get to me.
02:35Por favor, senora.
02:36Yes?
02:36In my country, Spain, most of the people are Roman catalysts.
02:48I don't believe it.
02:51That's not right.
02:52No?
02:53Italy's a much bigger catalyst country.
02:55No!
02:56Quiet, please.
03:08Good evening, Miss Cockney.
03:10It's almost good night.
03:11Yeah, well, I'm sorry I'm late.
03:12I was detained at the paper shop.
03:14Mr. Brown, I know the times are hard, but do you have to deliver newspapers?
03:17Oh, no, no, no.
03:18I bought them.
03:19They're for the students as part of their education.
03:20Well, they certainly need some education.
03:23Yes.
03:24Well, good evening.
03:25What is that?
03:27Oh.
03:29Squeeze me, please.
03:30I'm just this moment arriving.
03:32Squeeze me again.
03:33I go.
03:34What?
03:35Hey, Sally.
03:36What are you doing?
03:38Ah.
03:39I come back.
03:40Yeah.
03:41Are you moving house?
03:43Oh, not at all.
03:44I'm coming here straight from work.
03:46Oh, you've got a job.
03:48Yes, please.
03:48I'm a traveling sailman.
03:50I go around nicking the doors.
03:54Knocking.
03:55That is correct.
03:56What are you selling?
03:57Oh, blimey, everything.
03:58For a master or a mistress.
04:00I'll show you some example.
04:02Maybe you will be wanting to buy something.
04:03No, thanks.
04:08I don't think that's my size.
04:08I'm so sorry, please.
04:10This case is for the lady people's only.
04:12And this case is for the men people.
04:16And everything's very cut price.
04:18Ah, look this, please.
04:20You don't have to be tying it.
04:22And also, if you are dropping soup, you'll be wiping it off.
04:29It's jolly good plastic.
04:30Yes, very ingenious.
04:32Only one pound fifty.
04:34You're wanting one?
04:35No, thanks.
04:35I'm telling you what I'm doing.
04:39To you, only one pound.
04:41Yeah, I don't want one, Ali.
04:42Oh.
04:43How about the jolly good share?
04:45Ah, it is guaranteed 100% substandard.
04:49No, thank you.
04:52Ali, you got any socks?
04:54Plenty socks.
04:55Fifty pee only.
04:57Plenty only.
04:58Yeah, Ali.
04:59Excuse, I'm serving.
05:00Okay.
05:02I have a two.
05:03Right.
05:04One, two.
05:05Money, money, money.
05:07Fifty.
05:07Ah, now, tell me.
05:09Anybody wanting any under trousers?
05:12All different colors?
05:13How much?
05:14Only fifty pee.
05:15Ali, please.
05:16Ah, you are wanting one?
05:17I'm finding you a very good pair.
05:21Oi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi.
05:22Lovely, lovely.
05:24Red, white and blue.
05:25Just like Union Jack.
05:28Very patriotic, but no thank you.
05:30Have you any scouts?
05:32Most definitely.
05:33For you, only one pound.
05:36Made in Hong Kong.
05:37Hong Kong?
05:38I not buy from capitary stake
05:40where workers exploit it as cheap labor.
05:43Oh.
05:43Ah, anybody else wanting something else?
05:46Ali, please.
05:46Ah, come on.
05:47You are extending your money.
05:49No, I'm not.
05:50Put the suitcase away.
05:51This is not petticoat.
05:53They just sit down, everybody.
05:55Go on.
05:56Van, Taro, sit down.
05:59Right, before we do anything else this evening,
06:01I want to find a monitor.
06:03Okay.
06:04You tell us where to look,
06:05we find the one.
06:07Oh, Giovanni, a monitor is a person
06:09who can take charge of the class
06:10during my absence.
06:11Somebody intelligent enough
06:12to assume responsibility.
06:14On second thoughts,
06:15perhaps it's not such a good idea after all.
06:17Please.
06:18I think I'm making good money, Dar.
06:20I think we'll alternate.
06:22Have a different one each week.
06:23It'll be good experience for you.
06:24Right.
06:24Anna, we'll start with you.
06:26Yeah, thank you.
06:28If you'll just hand these round
06:29and collect the homework.
06:31Yeah.
06:31Yes, Anna.
06:32Yes.
06:33And from now on,
06:34I want to hear no more foreign languages
06:35spoken in this class.
06:37From the moment you come in here,
06:38you speak English all the time.
06:40Is that understood?
06:41Ha, ha, ha, ha.
06:43Por favor.
06:43No.
06:44No, por favor.
06:45Por favor, finito.
06:47English only.
06:48Soran.
06:49Yes.
06:49Good.
06:50Thank you, Anna.
06:51Now, have you all got a newspaper?
06:53Si, professor.
06:54Right, well, I'm going to ask you each
06:55to read out a passage from the newspaper
06:57and then we'll discuss it together, okay?
06:59Max, you start us off.
07:05American Embassy bugged.
07:11No, Max, bugged.
07:14Hey, my boss, he all the time say he's bugged.
07:17Yes.
07:20Yes, well, that may be so, Giovanni,
07:22but the word we're dealing with is bugged.
07:24Now, read it again, Max, correctly.
07:25American Embassy bugged.
07:29Good.
07:30Good.
07:31Now, does anybody know what that means?
07:33Ah, tarot.
07:41It means American Embassy full of little insects.
07:49No, tarot, they're not that sort of bugs.
07:51Listening devices.
07:52Tomila, can you read something from your newspaper?
07:55Yeah, read, yeah, read something.
07:59No, no, that's right.
08:03Ha.
08:068P.
08:07Yes, well, that's the start.
08:13Later again, Ranjit.
08:15Oh, Mr. Teacher,
08:16I am apologizing most humbly.
08:18Yes, well, perhaps next week
08:19you'll try and get here on time.
08:20I'm thinking next week I'm not being here at all.
08:24Well, are you leaving us?
08:26I'm going to be joining
08:28honorable ancestors.
08:30You mean you're going to die, eh?
08:32Most definitely.
08:33I'm going to die by my own hand.
08:35Please, if you're wanting any assistance,
08:39I'm happy to be helping.
08:45I thought you didn't like Sikhs.
08:47That is why I'm happy to be helping.
08:50All right, Ali, this is no laughing matter.
08:52I think Ranjit is serious.
08:54Most certainly I am.
08:55Why are you thinking of killing yourself?
08:57I'm forced to be getting married.
08:59Oh-ho!
09:00You randy old chapati!
09:03You are putting some innocent lady
09:05in the pudding club!
09:07You are nothing of a certain Muslim tweet!
09:09All right, that'll do.
09:10Look, I don't understand, Ranjit.
09:11Why are you being forced to get married?
09:14According to the Sikh tradition,
09:16I was betrothed when I was 12
09:18to Surinder,
09:19the 10-year-old daughter
09:21of the best friend of my father.
09:23She was a beautiful girl
09:26with hair like silk,
09:29eyes like black diamonds,
09:31and a figure like a tender bamboo shoot.
09:34And now her father is saying
09:36it is time for me to be marrying her.
09:38Well, if she said eyes like black diamonds,
09:40hair like silk,
09:40and a figure like a tender bamboo shoot,
09:42what are you complaining about?
09:43Blimey, that was 20 years ago!
09:46Now she is putting on so much weight
09:48that from behind
09:49she is looking like an elephant.
09:52Matter of fact,
09:53she is looking like an elephant
09:54from front also.
09:57Can't you just tell her
09:58that you have changed your mind?
09:59Not at all.
10:00Only lady can change mine.
10:02I am up the creek
10:04without a poodle.
10:06I'm in a paddle.
10:08You not do it.
10:09It's a sin to kill yourself.
10:11It's the only cause
10:12which is left open to me.
10:14When you do this killing yourself?
10:17Tonight.
10:18Tonight.
10:18Can we come and watch?
10:21This is ridiculous.
10:22People don't go around killing themselves
10:23rather than break off an engagement.
10:25But it is my religion.
10:26In that case,
10:27why don't you marry?
10:28That will be worse than killing myself.
10:30Well, go and sit down.
10:31We'll discuss whether you kill yourself
10:32or not during the tea break.
10:33No.
10:34Would you all look at your new...
10:35There is an Indian lady in my office
10:37who wishes to speak
10:38to Mr. Ranjit Singh.
10:41Excuse me, Missy.
10:42This lady,
10:43is she resembling an elephant?
10:46I wouldn't exactly put it like that,
10:48but she is rather large.
10:49Slimey, please surrender.
10:51Yeah, well,
10:51ask her to come along here,
10:53Miss Courtney, would you?
10:53That's very immaculate.
10:54Yeah, well, it is rather important.
10:56Very well,
10:56but don't make a habit of it.
10:59What are you doing that for?
11:00Oh, so we can talk to her,
11:01perhaps make her see reason.
11:02It's not anywhere possible.
11:04I kill myself.
11:05Come on, put it in Max Giovanni.
11:07Hold his up.
11:08Where is he?
11:10He's not here yet.
11:11Ah, I wait for him in the corridor.
11:15He is promised to me,
11:17and I swear by Holy Guru,
11:19he is having me.
11:21You have understood.
11:24You don't have to eat.
11:25You don't have to eat.
11:26You don't have to eat.
11:27You don't have to eat.
11:28You don't have to eat.
11:28You don't have to eat.
11:30Ah, I don't have to eat.
11:32You don't have to eat.
11:34Well, what am I telling you?
11:43Yes, I quite see your point about an elephant.
11:47Still, don't worry, Ranjit.
11:48I'm sure some elephants are very nice.
11:50Can I have a knife back, please?
11:51Promise you won't kill yourself.
11:53Promise?
11:54Killing myself is not going to help me.
11:56It's the attitude.
11:57I have much better ideas.
12:00I killed her!
12:01No!
12:01Ah, you're still there?
12:28Yes, I'm still here.
12:30I really think you ought to go home.
12:31No, I wait for Ranjit.
12:34Well, I don't think Ranjit will be coming tonight.
12:37I wait.
12:45Is she being out in corridor?
12:47Yeah, I'm afraid so, Ranjit.
12:49Look, Miss Courtney is not going to be very pleased when she finds out about this.
12:52Oh, dearie me, what am I going to be doing?
12:54Why can't you just tell her you're not going to marry her?
12:56But I am not going to be marrying Miss Courtney.
12:58I am referring to surrender.
13:03Oh, no.
13:04If I am telling her that, she's surely going to kill me.
13:07Ah, you said you were going to kill yourself.
13:10That is correct.
13:11Yes.
13:11Please don't.
13:12In my country, personal commuter, here are carry.
13:18It is customer for best friend to be presental to chop of head.
13:24Chop of head?
13:26Hi.
13:26I will be happy to assist her.
13:34You will do nothing, nothing of the sort.
13:36Oh, no, no.
13:37Now, please, everybody, just sit down.
13:38You're here to learn English.
13:39We've had enough disruption for one night.
13:41You should leave your personal problems at home.
13:43Now, look at your newspapers.
13:45Juan, read out a headline.
13:47Por favor.
13:48The newspaper.
13:49Ah, sÃ.
13:51The newspaper.
13:52Yeah, well, read something out.
13:54Ah, eh, vamos a ver, vamos a ver.
13:59In Chris, in London, rats.
14:06London rats?
14:09SÃ.
14:09In Chris, in London, rats.
14:14Rates.
14:21Perdón, perdón.
14:24Yeah, Anna, your turn.
14:27Western world welcomes wind of change.
14:33Wonderful.
14:34No, I'm very good.
14:36Yeah, Danielle.
14:42Prime minister sold a pup.
14:45Good.
14:47Now, that is a very good example of a figure of speech.
14:50Prime minister sold a pup.
14:52Can you tell me what that means, Giovanni?
14:54He's buying a dog.
14:58No, it's a figure of speech.
15:00Look, let me give you another example.
15:01Prime minister sold a dummy.
15:03Do you know what that means?
15:04Sure.
15:05Do you understand it?
15:06Yeah.
15:07It's just one thing I don't understand.
15:09Does he buy the dummy before or after he buy the pup?
15:12He doesn't buy anything.
15:17Ah, the newspaper man's a big liar.
15:21A figure of speech, I told you, it's just a figure of speech.
15:24It doesn't mean what it says.
15:26Typical of imperial politicians who distort Luth and surplus working classes.
15:30A figure of speech is a way of expressing an idea by way of contrast or comparison.
15:36If you're being sold a pup or sold a dummy, you're being cheated or deceived.
15:40In England, we use figures of speech quite a lot.
15:42For example, we say, as quick as lightning, as light as a feather, as clean as a whistle,
15:47as blind as a...
15:48Sully?
15:49As blind as a bat.
15:50Good, because bats cannot see.
15:52Max, as deaf as a...
15:55Postman.
15:56Now, Max, post, because posts cannot hear.
16:05Neither can my postman.
16:09Ali, as sly as a...
16:12Sikh.
16:14Fox, Ranjeet, as mad as a...
16:18Muslim.
16:20Atta, Taro, as drunk as a...
16:23Newton.
16:24Yeah, well, Lord is more correct.
16:28Jamila, as white as...
16:30You.
16:32Snow.
16:34Ali.
16:35As smooth as...
16:39Baby's bottoms.
16:42All right, we'll break for tea now and continue with the newspapers when we come back, all right?
16:47Please, how am I going to be getting out without being observed by the fat one?
16:51Well, that's your problem.
16:54My problem is how to get her off the premises before Miss Courtney finds her.
17:01Look, I really think you ought to go home.
17:04No.
17:05I stay.
17:07What is going on?
17:09What is going on?
17:11What is going on?
17:12Um, yes, well, I'm talking to this lady.
17:14Why is she here?
17:16Well, she's talking to me.
17:17Why is she sitting in the corridor?
17:20Why is she sitting in the corridor?
17:21Must you repeat everything I say?
17:23I could have sworn that woman wasn't pregnant yesterday.
17:48You're safe, ma'am.
17:49Thank you, Davila.
17:56What do you do now?
17:59Maybe I jump out of the window.
18:01You'd be lucky.
18:02We're on the third floor.
18:06Mr. Brown, I have a feeling that something very peculiar is going on.
18:09No, no, everything's perfectly all right, I can assure you.
18:12Are you going?
18:13Yes.
18:14Ah.
18:15To get a cup of tea.
18:23I want him, want a cup of tea.
18:24Oh, blimey, just doing that.
18:27Ah.
18:28That was sounding like my Ranjit.
18:31Where is he now?
18:32I told you he's not here.
18:33But...
18:33Here, excuse me, dearie.
18:35Huh?
18:35Are you looking for the darky fellow with the beard and the bandage round his head?
18:40What's that?
18:41Here, he's just gone behind those curtains.
18:52Come out, Ranjit.
18:54I am knowing you are there.
18:57Come out.
18:58What is the meaning of this?
19:23I am noticing windows very dirty, so I'm cleaning them for you.
19:27I like very much cleaning windows.
19:29In the pitch dark.
19:32Now come in off that window ledge at once.
19:34Most certainly.
19:39A thousand apologies.
19:42No.
19:43No.
19:43No.
19:44No.
19:44No.
19:45No.
19:46No.
19:46No.
19:47No.
19:47No.
19:48No.
19:48No.
19:49No.
19:49No.
19:50No.
19:51No.
19:52No.
19:53I killed myself.
19:54Yeah, well, hurry up, because tea breaks nearly off.
19:56I am feeling it.
19:57Yeah, well, go on, man.
19:58I am going to join my ancestors.
20:00Don't keep them waiting too long.
20:01Bye-bye, everybody.
20:02Bye-bye, everybody.
20:03Bye-bye.
20:04No.
20:05I'm doing it now.
20:06So you keep saying.
20:07This is it, then.
20:08Ah.
20:09Ha.
20:10Ha.
20:11Come on, hurry up.
20:12Ha.
20:14Ha.
20:15Ha.
20:16Ha.
20:17Maybe I am a cup of coffee before I do it.
20:20Yes.
20:21Yes.
20:22Ranjit, we all know you haven't the slightest intention of killing yourself, so put your knife
20:25away and let's discuss this properly.
20:27Now, Surinder, as I understand it, you and Ranjit here were both betrothed when they were
20:31children.
20:32Most definitely.
20:33Now he's not wanting to marry me.
20:35Yeah, well, you can't get married unless you love each other.
20:37Yeah.
20:38It is his duty to be marrying me.
20:40Otherwise, I'm losing my face.
20:42I think she's lost it already.
20:44Ha.
20:45Ha.
20:46You wouldn't be happy together.
20:47I mean, can't you just agree to release Ranjit from his promise?
20:50And what is to become of me?
20:51Oh, I'm sure you'll meet somebody else.
20:53Ah.
20:54If I think I'll meet another man, oh, I most gladly release Ranjit.
21:00You would?
21:01Most certainly.
21:02But who is having me now?
21:04Hmm.
21:05You know, Surinder, there is something Mr. Brown is not telling you.
21:10There is?
21:11Oh, yes, indeed.
21:12He has special reason for wanting you not to be marrying me.
21:17I have.
21:18He is wanting to marry her himself?
21:22He is wanting to be marrying me.
21:26I'm wanting to marry her.
21:28Oh, I accept.
21:29Oh, hello, Mr. Brown.
21:41Good evening, Gladys.
21:42Here.
21:43When's the happy day, then?
21:45There's not going to be any happy day.
21:46It was all a complete misunderstanding.
21:48Oh, what a pity.
21:50And I thought you and Surinder made a lovely couple.
21:55With all due respect, she was a couple on her own.
21:59I think he says we're right.
22:01Right?
22:02Hello, everyone.
22:03Good evening.
22:04Good evening.
22:05Good evening.
22:06Right, before we start, I've checked your homework last night.
22:11And I have a feeling that there's been some sort of chicanery going on.
22:15We not know what you mean.
22:17No, Giovanni, well, I'll tell you.
22:19Firstly, there's the fact that five of them are all in the same handwriting.
22:22It's a sheer coincidence.
22:26And is it also a coincidence that you all answered question seven as follows.
22:31Question explain what is wrong with the following sentence.
22:34My dogs is in the garden.
22:37Answer, I do not have a garden.
22:40The only tippy question.
22:43Yes, well, you will all receive extra homework tonight.
22:47And please, this time, make sure that you do it yourselves.
22:52I am apologizing again.
22:54But I am delayed by Surinder.
22:56Well, I thought she'd agreed to release you from your marriage, Val.
22:59Oh, yes, she has.
23:00But her father is coming to see you about your marriage, Val.
23:04Look, there's not going to be any wedding.
23:06I have broken it up.
23:07Oh, dear Amy.
23:08How painful.
23:09I have written to Surinder's parents explaining that I cannot possibly marry their daughter.
23:16I have also pointed out the differences between our religious and cultural backgrounds
23:19and the fact that I have no intention of marrying anyone.
23:22Aw.
23:23You should have got the letter this morning.
23:24Oh, yes, he did.
23:25That is why he is coming.
23:26He is hoping to be slicing you into many pieces.
23:27Pardon?
23:28He is saying you are bringing disgrace on his daughter.
23:29That is ridiculous.
23:30This isn't a Punjab.
23:31It's England.
23:32A civilized country.
23:33People just don't go around slicing each other up and I shall tell him so.
23:35Why is this illegitimate asking of a six-legged calendar?
23:48You're blaming I am not knowing where he is.
23:53He is not here.
23:54He has emigrated.
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