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00:00Do-do-do-do
00:30Do-do-do-do-do-do-wa
00:33Do-do-do-do-do-do-wa
00:35Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa
00:39Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa
00:41Excuse me, young man.
00:53Si, senora.
00:54Are you in Mr. Brown's class?
00:56Por favor.
00:57Mr. Brown's class.
00:59Brown.
01:00Mr. Brown?
01:01Ah, sÃ. Juan Cervantes. Para servir la señora.
01:06Yes. But are you in Mr. Brown's class? English is a foreign language?
01:12Por favor.
01:13Are you really as stupid as you look?
01:17Ah, excuse me. You are in Mr. Brown's class, aren't you?
01:21Are you around you?
01:27Doesn't Mr. Brown teach you anything?
01:29Por favor.
01:31You.
01:32Yes, please, Missy.
01:34Can I be assisting you in any way whatsoever?
01:37Last to break through.
01:39Are you in Mr. Brown's class?
01:42No. I am in corridor.
01:46Do you think you could give him a message?
01:48Most certainly.
01:49I am Miss Courtney.
01:51And I am Ranjeet Singh.
01:53Just at this particular moment, I'm not really bothered who you are.
01:57I just want you to give Mr. Brown a message.
01:59I'll be very happy to comply with the request.
02:02Would you tell him I would like a word with him?
02:04Most certainly.
02:06Which word would you like?
02:09Just say I want to speak to him.
02:14Foreigners.
02:14Go ahead, please.
02:16Go ahead, please.
02:18Settle down.
02:23Good evening.
02:25Adhamariz.
02:26Adhamariz.
02:27Yes, sir.
02:28There appear to be some missing.
02:29I hope they haven't dropped out.
02:31Oh, please.
02:32It will not be surprising me.
02:33I am always thinking that the Sikh son of a guru was a Punjabi dropout.
02:38I am hearing what you are saying, you miserable sport of a kid.
02:44Don't you two start again.
02:45Actually, you're late.
02:47A thousand apologies for this unforgivable tardiness.
02:51But you are all unavoidably detained in the corridor by a lady.
02:55Si, si.
02:57Do I take it, Juan, that you understood what Ranjit was saying?
03:00Por favor.
03:01Oh, sorry.
03:03Who was this lady who detained you in the corridor?
03:05Oh, blimey.
03:07I am forgetting her name.
03:10She was a big lady.
03:11Very large bosom.
03:15And be awesome.
03:16Very cool.
03:18Yes, well, while you're trying to remember her name, perhaps you'd better sit down.
03:22Thanks.
03:23Yeah, yeah.
03:24Now, I hope you've all done your homework.
03:25Ah, excuse me, please.
03:29I am remembering the name Missy Courtney.
03:33No, Miss Courtney.
03:34Yes, absolutely.
03:36The lady with the larger bosom.
03:38He's wanting to see us.
03:40Yes, well, she'll just have to wait.
03:42Squeeze me, please.
03:43She's already waiting.
03:46She may be the principal, but I have a class to teach.
03:48Now, as I was saying, but, oh, ah, Miss, uh, large, um,
03:53Miss Courtney, I was just on my way to see you, actually.
03:57That's not the impression I got.
03:59Well, I shan't be a moment, class.
04:01Oh, it's all right, don't bother.
04:02I merely wanted to tell you that you can expect another student.
04:05Oh, jolly good.
04:06More the merrier.
04:07You're not here to make merry, Mr. Brown.
04:10No, no, it was just a figure of speech.
04:11Well, you'd better try teaching a few figures of speech to your students.
04:14They seem to be in need of it.
04:15I'm doing my best.
04:16Oh, Miss Courtney.
04:20Yes?
04:20This new student, what nationality can I expect?
04:23African.
04:24Oh, African.
04:26Right, now, you remember I asked you all to write an essay,
04:29a short story about your life here in England.
04:31Yes.
04:32Hope you've all done so, have you?
04:33Yes.
04:34Good, good.
04:35Well, I shall go round the class and ask each of you to read out what you've written.
04:38Anna, shall we start with you?
04:41My Life in England by Anna Schmidt.
04:44Good, very good.
04:46Yeah, but go on.
04:49There is no more.
04:50That's all there is?
04:52Yeah, I have no time to write more.
04:54Only that Mrs. Walker is keeping me busy.
04:56Anna do this, Anna do that.
04:58She is a slave driver, that Mrs. Walker.
05:01Walker.
05:02What?
05:02W is pronounced W.
05:05Your employer's name is Walker.
05:07Yeah, Walker.
05:08Do you know how many shirts Mrs. Walker made me iron last night?
05:12Walker.
05:13Yeah, Walker.
05:15Tread.
05:15Then I had to prepare a meal for the bitch.
05:22Anna, she may be a hard task, mistress, but I don't think you ought to call her that.
05:26Who?
05:26Mrs. Walker.
05:27Walker.
05:29I was meaning the dog bitch.
05:31That is why I'm having no time for the homework.
05:37Yes, well, you're not to worry.
05:38You really must concentrate on those W sounds.
05:41W.
05:42The.
05:42The work.
05:43The homework.
05:44Danielle, would you like to read us your essay?
05:47Oui.
05:47What I like about England, by Mademoiselle Daniel Favre, telephone 246.
05:57A good, uh, carry on.
06:01Susie.
06:02Yes, Giovanni.
06:03Was that 802-1 or 801-3?
06:07It was, uh, 802-1.
06:09Don't, never mind what number it was.
06:10You're here to improve your English, not chat with other students.
06:13You are absolutely right, professori.
06:15It's just, I'd like to improve my French as well.
06:18Yes, well, you can do that in your own time.
06:20Carry on, Danielle.
06:24I like England because the grass is so green and the purple are so nice.
06:28People.
06:29Yes.
06:32Especially the man.
06:35Quiet, quiet.
06:37English men are so charming, so handsome, and so sexy.
06:47Silence, please.
06:49Yeah, I think that'll do, Danielle.
06:51But I've written much more.
06:53All about the things I like to do at night.
06:58Yes, well, I don't think we'd better go into those.
07:00I'll be reading all your essays later.
07:03Jamila, I don't suppose you've written anything, have you?
07:05Anjibolo.
07:09Written anything?
07:10No?
07:11Nah.
07:12Look, you really, really must start to speak a little, Jamila.
07:16Speak.
07:17Baba.
07:17Oh, okay, Anjibolo.
07:19Yeah, I don't know how much I want to speak.
07:20No, no, no, no, no.
07:22In English, you must try to speak English.
07:25Look, try saying good evening.
07:28Eh?
07:28All right, let's start with the good.
07:31Good.
07:32Good.
07:34It's not difficult, Jamila.
07:36Come on.
07:37Good.
07:40Look, you nearly said it, Ben.
07:42Come on.
07:43Good.
07:43Oh, no.
07:43Good.
07:44Good.
07:44Good.
07:44Now, please, no prompting.
07:51God.
07:51Yeah.
07:52Good.
07:52Good.
07:53Good.
07:53Well done.
07:54Good.
07:54Now, try evening.
07:55Good.
07:56Evening.
07:57It's not difficult, Jamila.
07:59Come on.
07:59Evening.
08:00Evening.
08:01Yes, yes.
08:02Come on.
08:04Good.
08:05I know you can say good.
08:09Say evening.
08:10Evening.
08:11Evening.
08:12Evening.
08:13Happening.
08:16Well done.
08:17Very good.
08:17Yes, good.
08:18Good.
08:18Now, put them both together.
08:21Good evening.
08:25God.
08:26Happening.
08:28God is happening.
08:30God is happening.
08:31Good.
08:31God is happening.
08:32God is happening.
08:33God is happening.
08:35Good evening, Jamila.
08:36God is happening.
08:37God is happening.
08:38Good.
08:38Good.
08:38Well done.
08:39We'll try some new words later.
08:42Sue Lee, have you written anything?
08:44Yes.
08:44Yes.
08:45Fine.
08:51What I like about England.
08:55England is becoming more politically minded and gradually more...
08:59The overthrow of decadent, capitalistic government...
09:04Do not take place as working classes become more educated and embrace communism as the true
09:10way of life.
09:13Workers' revolution getting nearer with inevitable corrupts of imperialistic bourgeois intellectual
09:19society.
09:20Yes.
09:21Well, if that's what you like about England, I wouldn't want to read what you didn't like.
09:23Excuse me, Tarot.
09:25Excuse me, Tarot.
09:26Yes, Tarot.
09:27Yes, Tarot.
09:27Yes, Tarot.
09:31Oh.
09:35I have smaller observation on young ladies' discourse that will also illustrate increased knowledge
09:49of English.
09:50Certainly, Tarot.
09:51Go ahead.
09:52With respect, young lady, Spiko, the road of cop-loss.
09:58Attitude typical of fascist Nipponese.
10:04Japan, civilized country, not like China, run by peasant talk.
10:10Chinese, not peasant talk.
10:12Japanese, not fascist talk.
10:15Oh, Suleen.
10:17Suleen, come on.
10:19Tarot, please go and apologize.
10:21Apologize?
10:22Yes.
10:23I lose face.
10:24Not my photo.
10:25Well, never mind.
10:26Never mind whose photo.
10:27Let's go and call.
10:32Please.
10:33Hold it.
10:34Wait off.
10:35Wait off.
10:36Wait off.
10:37Wait off.
10:38Wait off.
10:53Mrs. Courtney.
10:54Yes.
10:55Sir, sorry.
10:56I'm Roger Kenyon from the Education Authority.
10:58Oh.
10:59Well, they told me they were sending an inspector round, but I really didn't expect.
11:03He would be black.
11:04He would be so young.
11:05My apologies.
11:06But the authority likes to check that the standards of the evening classes are up to par.
11:11I can assure you that my standards here are well over par.
11:14I'm glad to hear it.
11:15Well, Mr. Kenyon, if you'd like to come with me, I'll show you round.
11:18No, no, no, please.
11:19I'd rather just wander around on my own, if you don't mind.
11:22I usually get a much clearer picture that way.
11:25Wait off.
11:26Wait off.
11:27Wait off.
11:28Everything all right?
11:29Everything's okay.
11:30Good.
11:31We have a glee to differ.
11:32Ah, right.
11:33Excuse me, please.
11:34Ah, our new African.
11:35Pardon?
11:36Yeah, I've been expecting you.
11:37Me?
11:38Yes, I was told I'd have a new pupil.
11:39Look, it's nearly time for our tea break, so why don't you just go to the back for a
11:41minute, and I'll take your particulars later.
11:42But please, you...
11:43Be a good chap, and don't argue.
11:44Just go and sit there.
11:45Right?
11:46Yes, but...
11:47Sit.
11:48Yes, please.
11:49Okay.
11:50Okay.
11:51Me?
11:52Sit.
11:53Me?
11:54Sit.
11:55Okay.
11:56Me?
11:57Sit.
11:58Okay.
11:59Me?
12:00Sit.
12:01Sit.
12:02Yes, please.
12:03Sit.
12:04Okay.
12:05Me?
12:06Sit.
12:07Yes, please.
12:08Sit.
12:09Okay.
12:10Okay.
12:11Me?
12:12Sit.
12:13Okay.
12:14Me?
12:15Sit.
12:31Come on, love.
12:32There we are.
12:3310p, dear.
12:34Thank you, love.
12:35That's it.
12:36It's next.
12:37Oh, there you are.
12:38You sit here.
12:40Merci.
12:41I get the coffee.
12:42Merci.
12:43Coffee black?
12:44Thank you, please.
12:45Coffee black.
12:46Hey, I'll get the coffee for Danielle.
12:48Too bad.
12:49Sugar?
12:50Merci.
12:51How about you?
12:52You like the biscuit?
12:53I would like that.
12:54Good.
12:55I'll be back.
12:56Back with the biscuits, please.
12:57Pronto.
12:58Look.
12:59Wait your time, love.
13:00There's a clue here.
13:01Go on.
13:02Next.
13:03Good.
13:04Good.
13:05Happening.
13:06Happening.
13:07Good.
13:08Good.
13:09Evening.
13:10Tea or coffee, love?
13:11God the evening.
13:12I heard you the first time.
13:15Tea or coffee?
13:16Oh, oh.
13:29Cha.
13:30Oh, cha.
13:32Tea or coffee?
13:35Oh-ho!
13:36Ja!
13:37Tea!
13:40Ten p?
13:42Gardner?
13:42Happening.
13:43Ten p?
13:46Oi!
13:46Sorry, I'll pay for that.
13:48And a coffee for me, please.
13:49And a coffee for you.
13:52Are you Mr. Brown?
13:54Yes.
13:54Oh, I've got a message for you.
13:57From her ladyship.
13:58Oh, lady who?
14:00Miss Courtney.
14:01She's been in here if she wants to see you.
14:04Yeah, I know what she does want.
14:06Yes, Mr. Brown?
14:09You want to see me?
14:10In my office, immediately.
14:14Careful, that's coffee, you'll spill it.
14:16Por favor.
14:16That's coffee.
14:18Gracias.
14:18Yeah.
14:19Bienvenido.
14:22Bienvenido.
14:23Cheers.
14:24Same again, please.
14:25Oh, nothing, Mr. Brown.
14:27Thank you, love.
14:29Packet of biscuits, please.
14:30Oh, I'm sorry, we haven't any left.
14:34Ah, good, good.
14:36You've come to have a cup of coffee?
14:39Coffee?
14:41Yes, coffee, this stuff.
14:50Enter.
14:50It has taken you two minutes, 38 seconds exactly, to come to my office immediately.
14:58I'm glad I didn't ask you to take your time.
15:00Well, I'm sorry, I was detained.
15:02Well, I thought I'd better tell you that an inspector has arrived.
15:05Oh, my conscience is clear.
15:07I beg your pardon?
15:08Well, apart from the odd parking ticket, I've never had any trouble with the police.
15:12An education inspector.
15:14Ah, I see.
15:15I'm sorry.
15:16How stupid of me.
15:17Yes.
15:18Well, you'll probably want to call in on your class.
15:21Oh, well, don't worry.
15:21I'll deal with him.
15:22You don't deal with inspectors from the local authority, Mr. Brown.
15:26You cosset them and flatter them and agree with everything they say.
15:29Yeah, well, I'll do that as well.
15:31I expect you'll want to see your register.
15:33My register?
15:34You do have a register.
15:37Oh, that register.
15:38Yes, of course.
15:38Well, you'd better call it as soon as you get back to your class.
15:41By the way, while you're here, the local authority want me to fill in a few details about you on this form.
15:47Now, I've got your name.
15:48Yes.
15:49Address.
15:49Yes.
15:50Sex.
15:51Occasionally.
15:56Married?
15:56Sorry.
15:57Er, no.
15:58I was engaged once.
15:59As a matter of fact, I proposed marriage, but it didn't really work out.
16:02There was quite a lot of opposition.
16:03Her father?
16:04No, her husband.
16:05I didn't realise she was married at the time.
16:07What do you do during the day?
16:09Oh, well, nothing at the moment.
16:10I'm afraid I'm waiting for a suitable position.
16:12And what was your last position?
16:14Well, I was teaching at a secondary modern school, but I left.
16:16I couldn't stand any more beatings.
16:18Well, I didn't think teachers beat children anymore.
16:20Oh, they don't.
16:21It was the other way round.
16:23I think you'd better take this form and fill it up yourself and bring it back to me later.
16:26Right.
16:27And do be careful what you say to the inspector.
16:29Oh, of course.
16:29Oh, by the way, the new student has arrived.
16:32You won't forget to add the name to the register, will you?
16:35Well, I'm going to learn the English.
16:47Hey, I'm going to learn the English as well.
16:50Maybe we'll learn together, huh?
16:51Yes, but what about poor Max?
16:53Yeah.
16:54What about poor Max?
16:55I'm crying my eyes out.
16:57I have an idea.
17:01I have lots of ideas.
17:03Why not you and Max study together, huh?
17:08People, people.
17:10You're somewhere you always do.
17:11Right, class, settle down, please.
17:13Quiet.
17:14Now, the first thing we have to do before we do anything else is to call the register.
17:17So sorry.
17:18Ah, that's quite all right.
17:19I expect you'll have a bit of difficulty finding your way round at first.
17:22Things will seem rather strange.
17:24Yes, very strange.
17:26Yes.
17:26Must be quite a change coming from one of the underdeveloped countries to our more advanced
17:30way of life.
17:31Oh, yes.
17:33Still, your people are doing remarkably well.
17:34Did you fly here?
17:36Fly?
17:37How do you mean, buona?
17:41Oh, fly in a big iron bird.
17:45Quite a change from riding an elephant.
17:49Unless you came by jumbo.
17:54English joke.
17:55Very funny.
17:58Well, perhaps you'd better sit down.
18:00Right, I'm going to call out your names and will you please answer present?
18:04Present.
18:06Yes, Sally, but wait until I've called your name out.
18:09Sorry, please.
18:10Ranjit Singh?
18:12Present and correct, please.
18:14Giovanni Coupello?
18:16Si, professori.
18:17No, Giovanni, not professori.
18:19Not professori?
18:20No, you should address me as sir.
18:22Sir?
18:22Yes.
18:25Now I understand.
18:30You have been to get knotted.
18:32Come again?
18:43Well, to become a sir.
18:44You got knotted by the queen.
18:47The word is knighted, and I'm not that kind of sir.
18:51Maximilian Papandrios.
18:54Maximilian Papandrios.
18:55Mr. Brown is speaking to you.
18:57Is he?
19:01Sorry.
19:02You want something?
19:04Yeah.
19:05Are you here or not?
19:11Well, sure I'm here.
19:12Tarot Nagazumi.
19:15Aso.
19:20Present.
19:22Anna Schmidt.
19:23Yeah, present.
19:24Suli Chung.
19:25Present.
19:27Ali Nadim.
19:29Gift.
19:32Gift.
19:34I'm surprising you, no?
19:37Each day, I'm learning a new English word.
19:40And I'm finding that gift is another word for peasant.
19:50Very ingenious.
19:52Thank you very much.
19:53Danielle, Favre?
19:55Present.
19:57And I am all here.
20:00See that.
20:02Jamila Ranja?
20:04Ranji.
20:05Oh.
20:06Gordon, halfening.
20:07Yes, you're here.
20:10And Juan Cervantes.
20:12Por favor.
20:13Present.
20:14Por favor.
20:15You're here.
20:16Present.
20:18Well, I better take down your particulars, otherwise I may get into hot water.
20:22Oh, you are going to have a hard bath?
20:26No, Ali, it's just another way of saying I may get into trouble.
20:29Oh, dear.
20:30You have been committing some grievous misdemeanor.
20:34Not at all.
20:35There's an inspector from the local education authority coming round.
20:38Yeah, the big boss.
20:39Yes, I suppose you could say that.
20:40But from my experience, they're usually interfering old fogies.
20:45You don't like them?
20:46Not particularly.
20:47Frankly, they're quite useless and about as outdated as their teaching methods.
20:51I mean, what's the point of learning past participles, cognate objects, or subordinate clauses?
20:54It's far more useful than trying to teach a foreign student how to order a meal or find accommodation.
20:59You appear to have some rather unique ideas.
21:01I suppose I have.
21:02You know, you speak English fairly well.
21:06Yeah.
21:07And what is your name?
21:09Roger Kenyon.
21:10Roger Kenyon.
21:12Ah, Miss Courtney, I'm just completing the register and getting the details of our new student
21:16before that inspector chappie hopes he knows you.
21:19Hello.
21:21Mr Brown.
21:22I shan't be a moment, Miss Courtney.
21:23What is your job?
21:24Inspector.
21:25Oh.
21:26What, local transport?
21:29Local education authority.
21:32Ooh.
21:36I thought he was the new student.
21:38The new student is a female.
21:40Is she?
21:40Well, you didn't tell me that.
21:41My apologies, Mr Kenyon, and I do assure you that Mr Brown will be severely dealt with.
21:46I can't remember when I last enjoyed myself so much.
21:49I beg your pardon?
21:50Enjoyed yourself?
21:51You know, Miss Courtney, your Mr Brown is a remarkable man.
21:55I am?
21:55He is?
21:56Yes.
21:57His teaching methods may be somewhat revolutionary, but they appear to work.
22:01I have always encouraged my staff to be forward-thinking.
22:05Well, I'll pass on your comments to the authority.
22:10Perhaps they'll revise their textbooks.
22:12Now, if you'll excuse me, I must put in an appearance at the other classes.
22:16Oh, well, keep up the good work, Mr Brown, and thank you very much for the coffee.
22:25I'll come with you, Mr Kenyon.
22:27Blimey, you are dropping a clinker.
22:36You mean clangor.
22:37Yes, please.
22:38Yes, well, then.
22:39Right, let's continue with our lesson.
22:41Get out your textbooks.
22:42I'm going to give you all a few exercises.
22:44Uh, scusi, profesores.
22:45Uh, I can't do any exercises.
22:47Why not?
22:48I've got a bad back.
22:49Oh, that's right.
22:52Excuse me, I was looking for a...
22:53Ah, at last.
22:55A pity you didn't arrive half an hour earlier.
22:57Why?
22:57You might have saved me a great deal of embarrassment with a certain African gentleman.
23:00Oh.
23:01Yes, he was a school's inspector, but I mistook him for you.
23:03You thought a gentleman was me?
23:05Yeah.
23:06The silly fool tried to pretend he was a student and sit at the back to try to catch me out,
23:09but I saw through him.
23:11I bet you think he was a bit stupid.
23:13Oh, definitely.
23:14Thick as a brush.
23:14Was his name Mr Kenyon?
23:16Yes.
23:17Do you know him?
23:18I should do.
23:19I've come to collect him.
23:20Ah.
23:21I am his wife.
23:22Oh, blimey yes.
23:25You have dropped another clinker.
23:27Ah.
23:52Oh, blimey yes.
23:57Oh, blimey yes.
23:59Oh, blimey yes.
23:59Oh, blimey yes.
24:00Oh, blimey yes.
24:01Oh, blimey yes.
24:02Oh, blimey yes.
24:03Oh, blimey yes.
24:04Oh, blimey yes.
24:05Oh, blimey yes.
24:06Oh, blimey yes.
24:07Oh, blimey yes.
24:08Oh, blimey yes.
24:09Oh, blimey yes.
24:10Oh, blimey yes.
24:11Oh, blimey yes.
24:12Oh, blimey yes.
24:13Oh, blimey yes.
24:14Oh, blimey yes.
24:15Oh, blimey yes.
24:16Oh, blimey yes.
24:17Oh, blimey yes.
24:18Oh, blimey yes.
24:19Oh, blimey yes.
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