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00:00Letting us be ourselves
00:01So don't mind me if I repeat myself
00:03These simple lines be good for your health
00:06To keep them trying rhymes on the shelf
00:08Live love life like you just don't care
00:10I believe it's never scared
00:13Rain and noise is the moment they fear
00:15Get up, it's still a beautiful idea
00:17Get up, throw your hands in the air
00:20Get up, and shit no
00:21Get up, get up, get up
00:25Get up, get up
00:27Take off your prosthetic leg
00:33Replace it with a rocket
00:34And tell everyone it's your mistletoe
00:36It's Friday, we're live
00:37And it's time for the last leg
00:38Tonight on the show
00:41The Ukraine peace deal keeps repeating on us
00:44We digest another weird week of politics
00:47And we'll serve up a taster
00:49For stand-up to cancer
00:51Plus we'll be joined by comedians
00:53Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan
00:55On the show that tries its best
00:57To stomach the news
00:58Who am I going to wink at?
01:04Who am I going to wink at?
01:08G'day, I'm Adam Hill
01:09Welcome to The Last Leg
01:11The show that heard Netflix has bought
01:13Warner Brothers
01:13And now can't wait for Voldemort's
01:15Edgy stand-up special
01:16With me as always
01:17With the pride of Dartmoor
01:18Josh Whittacombe
01:19And the man who was described
01:20By an AI app last week
01:21As having a unique limb situation
01:24Alex Brooker
01:25We will cover that in a second
01:34As well as today's bizarre World Cup draw
01:36But Josh, it has been a sad time
01:38In your house this week
01:39It's been a sad time
01:41We've lost
01:42Well not lost
01:43Our hamster
01:44I don't need to
01:44Our hamsters died
01:46I know
01:47We've all been
01:48You told me that last week
01:50And I thought
01:50Oh, I feel really sad
01:51For the small ginger squeaky thing
01:53Where is he going?
01:56What's this joke going to be?
01:57I don't know where
01:58You're talking about the hamster
02:00Surely, aren't you?
02:01No, because his hamster died
02:03Oh
02:03Amazing
02:04Yeah
02:05I'll tell you what, Hillsy, on that
02:08Because I really bonded with the hamster
02:10Because, you know
02:11You think about
02:11Oh
02:12No, you think about it
02:12And he's
02:13Tell me about his little pink hands
02:15And his
02:15Yeah
02:16His furry little face
02:21And the way he always
02:23Shits in the same corner of the room
02:25It's all a bit of fun
02:28But anyway
02:28A hamster died
02:29Yeah
02:30But the problem was
02:32The ground
02:32You go and bury him in the garden
02:34Yeah
02:35But the ground
02:37Because it's been
02:38It's winter
02:38I'm aware
02:39Yeah
02:40It's frozen
02:41So we couldn't dig a hole
02:43Yeah
02:43So we had to put him in our freezer
02:45Someone had the weirdest reaction to that
02:49I've ever heard
02:49So there's a hamster in your freezer
02:51We've had a hamster in our freezer
02:53What, like, lying in steak?
02:55Lying in steak
02:56Lying on steaks
02:58What have you got, like
03:01Daisy Beckham queuing up to pay his respect?
03:05Yeah, so we had a hamster in our freezer, right
03:08He was dead, just to be clear
03:10Because obviously
03:11If we got it wrong
03:12Imagine if we'd just frozen him
03:13And then in like a thousand years
03:15He'd come back to life
03:16And then he'd have gone
03:17I don't understand what's changed
03:19Because I'm a hamster
03:19Yeah, exactly
03:20Yeah
03:20But so we then had to buy
03:22A spade off Amazon
03:23You bought a spade?
03:25I bought a spade off Amazon
03:26Wow
03:27Did your bank call you and say
03:28There's been some unusual activity
03:30On your bank
03:30It's an odd thing to buy
03:33On Amazon
03:34Why?
03:35I don't know
03:36It's just like
03:36What's your like
03:37You may also like
03:39Cable ties
03:40Gaffer tape
03:41Stop falling
03:43How are the kids taking it?
03:47So my son
03:48My daughter was a bit upset
03:49Yeah
03:50But my son, who's four
03:51That's kind of
03:52This is what they say about pets
03:54Isn't it?
03:54It teaches them about death
03:55And he started to get sad
03:59I think he realised we were going to die for the first time
04:01So that was quite sad
04:02Well yeah, because he's going to need a bigger freezer
04:04He'd fit in one of them family chest lights
04:09Alright, we are live on your telly right now
04:12You can ask us any questions about the news
04:14Message us on Instagram
04:15The hashtag's
04:16Is it okay?
04:17WhatsApp
04:17The number is
04:1807956175908
04:20Or you can scan the QR code on your screen
04:22For example
04:23Is it okay that last week on the show
04:25We asked an AI app to describe Alex
04:27And this is what it said
04:28What do you make of his hands?
04:33Yeah, so I do notice that he's got a prosthetic arm
04:36Or kind of a unique limb situation going on there
04:39A unique limb situation?
04:45A what situation?
04:47A unique limb situation?
04:50I'll tell you what
04:51Thank you AI
04:52You are one of the nicest people on earth
04:55I mean I've never wanted to start a band
04:57But unique limb situation
04:59It's actually a lie
05:04I did want to start a band a few years ago
05:06And I just never managed to get atomic mitten off the ground
05:09I love that even AI is worried about being cancelled
05:15It's so politically correct
05:18So tonight we're very proud to say
05:20At the end of the show
05:20We are going to bring you the world exclusive debut
05:23Of Alex's new band
05:25Unique Limb Situation
05:27Or as we like to call them
05:29ULS
05:29We've been talking about during the week
05:32What the album would be called
05:33I'm really pushing for the notorious PIP
05:36I think the best of album
05:39Will just be called the incomplete ULS
05:41Never mind the bollocks look at his arms
05:43One for the Phil Collins fans
05:52Short jacket required
05:54Lovely
05:55Lovely
05:57I find it funny
05:57I don't get that
05:58Well because of your arms
06:01By the way we asked AI to design a few band posters
06:07Depending on which genre Alex decided to go with
06:09It came up with an emo version
06:11Now that guy looks like he keeps hamsters in his freezer
06:16Yeah that's a band called
06:21He really needs the cure
06:22Or Cripnot
06:24I can't decide
06:25And then it came up with a country version
06:28I'm not going
06:31Why do I look like Crocodile Dundee
06:34That's not a thumb
06:35Alright the big story this week
06:40Is that there's still no peace in Ukraine
06:41Mainly because Russia wants an extra peace of Ukraine
06:44Now look we haven't talked much about this during the series
06:47So let's cover the basics
06:47A few weeks ago the US hammered out a peace deal
06:50Between Russia and Ukraine
06:52With the help of Russia
06:52But not Ukraine
06:54It basically gave Russia everything they wanted
06:56Including land they've taken during the war
06:58And some land they haven't even captured yet
07:01The only thing not offered to Putin
07:03Was a back rub from Wladimir Zelensky
07:04The deal was then taken to Ukraine
07:06Who said and pardon my Australian
07:08You fucking what?
07:10Ukraine then suggested a few changes to the deal
07:12Which was taken back to Putin
07:14Who this week said
07:14No I want the original deal
07:16And I will take that back rub
07:17Lads
07:18I just
07:19I just
07:21He's so snide isn't he
07:22Vladimir Putin
07:23This is what I've come
07:24This is my geopolitical analysis of him
07:27I just think
07:28He's just
07:29I'm fucking bored of him
07:31It's just always
07:32Ever since we started
07:33He's always moaning
07:34He's always shithousing
07:36He's always threatening
07:37And I just think
07:38At this stage of him now
07:39He's basically
07:40He's just like a Twitter troll
07:42With nuclear weapons
07:43Yeah
07:43Pretty much
07:44I love that Alex is bored of him
07:47You know what I mean
07:49He's the most threatening man on the world
07:51Is he though?
07:52No
07:53Because he's like
07:53You know he's just sort of geesey
07:54You know if you're like
07:55If you go on a stag do
07:56Yeah
07:56And it's like everything's planned
07:57But there's one who goes
07:58I don't want to go
07:59I don't want to go to the brewery
08:00Yeah
08:01And it's like
08:01What do you want to do Vlad?
08:02He's like
08:02Paintball in again
08:04Just so you can wear the fucking camouflage
08:06He won't
08:08He's just
08:08He's a man
08:09Unable to accept a deal
08:10He will never accept
08:11Have you seen his celebrity edition
08:13Of Deal or No Deal
08:14He won't even take the call
08:15I saw him in boots
08:18And he got three items
08:20Carrot stick
08:20Sandwich
08:21And the drink
08:22And he
08:22Happy to play for them all separately
08:24Well the truth is
08:26Vladimir Putin has no reason to back down
08:28Because Donald Trump
08:29Has said that if a deal isn't done
08:30He'll just walk away from it all
08:32Which is an incentive for Putin
08:34To not do a deal
08:35Because then the only people sticking up for Ukraine
08:36Would be Europe
08:37And Putin is not scared of Europe
08:39All right
08:39Put it this way
08:40Imagine if you saw Conor McGregor
08:42Kicking the shit out of Josh
08:43On the street
08:44Whilst trying to steal his wallet
08:45Right
08:46And Josh is there going
08:47Oh no
08:48You're not having my wallet
08:49What's going on?
08:52By the way
08:53Conor McGregor hasn't even got you
08:54In a chokehold
08:55In that impression
08:55No
08:57He's like
08:57Don't take my wallet
08:58So you take Conor McGregor aside
09:00You only
09:01I wouldn't keep talking
09:03I lost my hamster
09:06Don't you fucking start
09:08So you take Conor McGregor aside
09:11And you say
09:11All right
09:11What would it take for you
09:12To stop kicking the shit out of Josh
09:14And he says
09:14Well give me his wallet
09:15Oh you're not doing his accent
09:16I see
09:17Irish
09:19Come on mate
09:19Have some balls
09:20It's not
09:21It's not the Irish
09:22It's just
09:22I reckon
09:23I can take you
09:24I agree
09:28So then Josh compromises
09:30And Josh says
09:31Okay he can have the cash
09:32But I need
09:32I need my library card
09:34So you go back to Conor McGregor
09:37Who says
09:37No I want the wallet
09:38The library card
09:39And now I want his inhaler as well
09:41Now imagine if you then said
09:42Well if you guys can't sort this out
09:44I'm walking away
09:45Conor McGregor's just going to
09:46Keep kicking the shit out of Josh
09:48Until he gets what he wants
09:49Meanwhile Europe are live streaming
09:50The whole thing on TikTok
09:51With the hashtag
09:52I stand with Josh
09:53It's a lovely analogy
09:55Thank you
09:56And it's good that you've made it something
09:58That everyone understands
09:59That might happen
09:59I
10:00Two problems
10:01Number one
10:02While you're talking to Conor McGregor
10:04Yep
10:05I'm running the fuck off
10:07Okay
10:07Yeah
10:08But number two
10:08I don't have a wallet
10:09Because it's 2025
10:10And no one has wallets anymore
10:12I have a wallet
10:12What?
10:13I have a wallet
10:14Do you?
10:14Who has a wallet?
10:15Am I the only one here that has a wallet?
10:17Some
10:18Oh my god
10:18Most people don't have wallets
10:19Most people don't have wallets anymore
10:20It's called a phone mate
10:22It does everything
10:22In the same way
10:23I don't carry around a compass
10:25You
10:28What's your wallet?
10:29What you got?
10:30I've got a
10:31There you go
10:33Is that weird?
10:35No
10:35It's thick for 20
10:37What's even in there?
10:39Why is it so thick?
10:40What is it made of?
10:41Have you killed a crocodile?
10:43No no
10:44It's actually made of an upcycled British fire hose
10:46What?
10:47So there's like a fireman somewhere going
10:49There's a fucking hole in this here
10:50I described it as downcycled
10:54Because one was saving lives
10:56And now one's your wallet
10:57That is
10:58The most Australian thing ever
11:00Is to have
11:01To have a wallet
11:02That can withstand fire
11:04What have you got?
11:09What have you got there?
11:10I've got Australian credit cards
11:11I've got British credit cards
11:13I've got
11:13Adam are you in financial trouble?
11:14He spent all his money on the wallet
11:17I've got tickets to when I took my daughter to Disneyland
11:21Is that weird?
11:22No that's nice
11:23I've got a photo of my other daughter
11:24Oh that's nice
11:26See I'd have absolutely put big money in you having a photo of Harold Bishop
11:30So that's
11:31Do you know where I've got a photo of my daughter?
11:33On my phone
11:34Like every other
11:35So back to Ukraine
11:38How do you stop Vladimir Putin?
11:41Trump can't do it
11:42Zelensky can't do it
11:43Europe can't do it
11:44Someone needs to take him down from the inside
11:46And we think we know just the man
11:49In a world on the brink of war
11:52Only one man can save the planet
11:55Your mission should you choose to accept it
11:58Is to infiltrate the Kremlin
12:00And sabotage Vladimir Putin from the inside
12:03Oh go on then
12:06I'll do it
12:08When you need the ultimate undercover spy
12:11Alan Carr goes deep
12:14You can trust me
12:16The ultimate traitor
12:19Alan Carr is
12:21Double O-H
12:22Oh
12:24Coming soon to Vladimir Putin
12:27That's right
12:28I'm taking down the biggest dog there is
12:40Won't surprise you to know
12:42Tickets for Alan's new tour are on sale now
12:44Alright let's welcome tonight's guest
12:46He's in a Christmas show called Stuffed
12:48She's got a stand-up show that's stuffed with jokes
12:50Please welcome Guz Khan and Amy Gledhill
12:52Welcome to you both
13:11Did you just curtsy to the
13:12I did I don't know what happened there
13:14I loved it
13:14I think it's the tree and everything
13:16I just feel very curtsy
13:18Look on what we just talked about Ukraine
13:21How do you think Putin and Zelensky should sort it out Guz
13:24I reckon look
13:26It's a very complicated situation
13:27Yeah
13:28Very sensitive situation
13:29Yeah
13:29I reckon they should just swing it out
13:31So I think we should just set up
13:33Like a misfit style celebrity boxing match
13:36Putin can absolutely bang up Zelensky
13:39Or vice versa
13:40People might say that's quite a flippant response
13:42But I think perpetual war is worse
13:44Yeah
13:45I'd watch it on Netflix or YouTube
13:49I reckon we make a load of money
13:50I'll be the agent
13:51I'll be the guy who goes in between
13:53And makes some money as well
13:54But yeah I'd like to see on five
13:55I love you've made this a money-making exercise for you
14:00Yes
14:00And would Zelensky be topless?
14:04I mean if they pay extra
14:06If you pay extra
14:07I think Putin would be topless
14:10Whether you paid or not
14:11And on a horse at all times
14:13I would solve it
14:15I think at this point
14:16The only thing to do
14:17Is shared custody
14:19Of Ukraine?
14:21I think it's shared custody
14:22Of the borders
14:23Right
14:23So I think Ukraine can have the border weekdays
14:26Yeah
14:27Russia weekends
14:28Right
14:28And then on a bank holiday
14:30They go to their aunts in Slovakia
14:33And they watch a Bond film and eat crisps
14:36All right
14:38We're going to get back to the news
14:39Because some weird stuff happened today
14:41That a load of you messaged about
14:42It was Donald Trump
14:44While Donald Trump's peace plan for Ukraine
14:45Hit the skids
14:46How relaxed am I by the way
14:47While Donald Trump's peace plan hit the skids
14:49He was in his element
14:51As the draw for next year's World Cup took place
14:53There were performances from Robbie Williams
14:55And the village people
14:56Once again prompting the world to ask
14:57What is it with Donald Trump and the village people?
15:00I love that they're going to have the YMCA
15:02For all the gay footballers
15:04Well they did
15:06They did sing YMCA
15:07And this is a clip of Trump dancing enthusiastically to it
15:10Looking as always
15:11Like he's pretending to wank off two giants
15:13You've got to know
15:17This is the one thing
15:19No man
15:20That's what I'm saying
15:22It's great, isn't it?
15:25That's a sick guy
15:28And then I love one of them
15:30He just went whoop and up
15:31Melania is smiling
15:33But you know in her head
15:35She's thinking
15:35What a prick
15:36So earlier in the ceremony
15:39And this is the thing
15:40That everyone's talking about today
15:41Donald Trump was awarded
15:42The first ever FIFA Peace Prize
15:44And it was presented to him
15:46By Gianni Infantino
15:47There it is
15:49Look at that award
15:49Even Trump's trophy has wandering hands
15:52Yep, the inaugural bell and door
15:54Lovely
15:58That is, that's good humour
16:02In a complete coincidence by the way
16:05In July this year FIFA opened an office
16:08In Trump Tower
16:09In New York City
16:10Which means Infantino basically gave a trophy to his landlord
16:14And if you're wondering how the award has gone down among the British public
16:17Check out the likes versus dislikes on this illuminating post on the BBC
16:21You have to say who the fuck are those 266 absolute losers
16:29Did you see all the stuff today?
16:31What did you think?
16:31It was incredible to watch
16:33Obviously like the village people coming out at the end
16:36It was absolutely batshit
16:37Because they're dancing
16:38But everyone's turned their backs on them already going out
16:40But it was
16:41I think the Americans
16:42They need to kind of get
16:43They need to kind of get the terminology right
16:46Because Ike Casillas who won the World Cup with Spain a goalkeeper
16:49Was interviewed by a reporter
16:51And Rio Ferdinand used to play for England is on stage
16:54And he asks
16:55He asked Ike Casillas
16:56If Rio Ferdinand has ever scored on him
16:58Which sounds like something very different
17:01Yeah, I scored on his face
17:03Earlier in the week
17:07Trump seemed to fall asleep in a meeting
17:09In which Marco Rubio was bigging him up
17:11Here's the shocking footage
17:12But the opportunity to do that under these new trade deals
17:17Is unprecedented
17:18Of crypto in the retirement investments
17:21And we're seeing more and more of that
17:23Where we also rescinded the supplemental statement
17:26That discouraged the fiduciaries
17:28All these things, Mr. President
17:29I think you deserve tremendous credit
17:30For the transformational aspect of our foreign policy
17:33For the first time in probably four decades
17:36I mean, can you blame me?
17:40What's going on?
17:41No, you can't blame me
17:42Look, there's a lot that you can get on his case for
17:44Yeah
17:45Like his politics
17:46Apparently he's got a very tiny willy
17:49It's the size of a jelly top
17:50That's what I've read online
17:51Yep
17:51There's a lot
17:52But falling asleep
17:53At 160 years old
17:56Is there anybody in the audience today
17:59Who's like over the age of 80?
18:01Anybody?
18:02They're asleep
18:03They can't answer
18:03They're asleep
18:03They're asleep
18:04Leave them alone, man
18:06I'm comfortable with sleeping, man
18:08I think it's the most normal thing he's ever done
18:10That he's had a nap
18:11That he's had a nap
18:11What's not normal?
18:13The reason he was tired
18:14Did you see that he did 150 posts the night before?
18:18Yes
18:19So he's using social media like a teenage girl
18:22Which is, I think, why Epstein's so fond of him
18:25You're exactly right
18:34Have you ever had anyone fall asleep in front of you?
18:37Like when you're on stage, maybe?
18:38Yeah, I have
18:39Have you?
18:40That's so rude
18:41Did somebody do that?
18:41Yeah, and I think it was worse for me
18:44Because it was my first ever Edinburgh show
18:46And the guy that fell asleep
18:47Was the only guy in the audience
18:50He was the only audience member
18:52What?
18:53It was called Norman
18:54It was raining
18:55He came in to have a little read
18:57And he fell asleep
18:58I still did the whole show
18:59And I respect him
19:01Shout out to Norman
19:02You got big up Norman, mate
19:03Big up Norman
19:04He's asleep
19:04Big up Norman
19:04This time last year
19:08We gave out our inaugural Hands Awards
19:11To people we deemed to be our Heroes of the Year
19:13I don't know if you remember
19:14We used to give out the Dick of the Year
19:15But to be honest
19:15We started to feel like there were too many dicks in the world
19:18To narrow it down to just one
19:19And this year has kind of become a dick apocalypse
19:21So tonight we're kicking off the search
19:23For this year's Hands Award winners
19:25Named in honour of our Paralympic mascot
19:27This guy
19:28Now that's a Handsy trophy
19:30We want you to nominate worthy winners
19:32For the 2025 Hands Awards
19:34It could be someone internationally famous
19:36Someone locally known
19:37Maybe even just your personal hero
19:39I'm going to go around the houses
19:41Who are you nominating?
19:42I want to nominate five people
19:44Five
19:45For me the best musical reunion of the year
19:50Wow
19:50Okay, Josh
19:51So mine's musical as well
19:53But this week I did my Spotify wrap
19:56Where it gives you your stats of the year
19:57Yeah
19:58And I found out that I am in the 0.7%
20:02Highest on earth fans of Sabrina Carpenter
20:07Wow
20:08Yes, and I'd love to say that it's my daughter
20:12But she has her own Spotify
20:13But I went to see her earlier in the year with my daughter
20:16We had the best time
20:17And then she slagged off Donald Trump this week
20:19She's a legend
20:20Her music's brilliant
20:21Plus, I love the idea that our production team
20:24Have now got a week to try and give one of those
20:27To the most famous person on earth
20:28Also, we have to dress them up
20:31In the outfit of the person
20:33And it's going to be a very racy hands-on
20:35Um, Guz?
20:38Um, there's a lot of people
20:40Yep
20:40But I reckon Zora Mamdani
20:42I feel bad for politicians
20:44Who I know are about to get caned racially
20:46Because of the religious beliefs that they follow
20:48And we communicated online as well
20:51Did you?
20:51Yeah, yeah, yeah
20:52The mayor of New York communicated with you online
20:54That's correct
20:54He's a big fan of man like Mobeen
20:55He says he likes my comedy
20:56No way
20:57He's aired me since he's become the mayor
20:59So I don't know how I feel about him anymore
21:01We'll see how the next six months brings us
21:03Yeah
21:03Yeah, him, for sure
21:04He's got too big for you
21:05Yeah
21:06Already
21:06He only just won as well, wanker
21:08LAUGHTER
21:10LAUGHTER
21:11Uh, Amy?
21:13Um, so it was going to be
21:15A woman who was at the edge of
21:17Scientific discovery and space
21:20Katy Perry
21:20But
21:21LAUGHTER
21:24I had, um, a hospital appointment today
21:26Just routine if my parents are watching
21:28And, um, I said I'd give the doctor a shout out
21:31Because he was so great
21:32And, crucially, very hot
21:34LAUGHTER
21:35If you're listening, I'm shooting my shot
21:38LAUGHTER
21:38What was his name?
21:40So hot
21:41Wow
21:41What was his name?
21:43Can I am allowed to say?
21:44Yeah, see
21:44Oh, you might not be
21:46Say the hospital name
21:46Who knows who it is?
21:47He said he's going to be watching
21:49Hello
21:49LAUGHTER
21:50I think doctor patient confidentiality
21:53Works the other way
21:54LAUGHTER
21:54I'm going to nominate Celia Imry
22:01Oh
22:02For this excruciating demonstration
22:04Of how to own your own embarrassment
22:06On the traders
22:06Welcome to the worst
22:09Team building away day
22:11Experience in history
22:14What just happened?
22:20I just filed it, Celia
22:21LAUGHTER
22:22LAUGHTER
22:23A hundred percent
22:25A hundred percent
22:28APPLAUSE
22:28LAUGHTER
22:29All right
22:32Nominate whoever you think deserves
22:33To win a Hands Award
22:34On WhatsApp or Instagram
22:35Use the hashtag
22:35Show of Hands
22:36And make sure you spell it
22:38Hands
22:38H-A-N-S
22:39We'll hand out as many as we can
22:41Next week
22:41In our second ever
22:42Show of Hands
22:44I can be your hands, baby
23:00I can hands away the pain
23:06I will hands by you forever
23:12You can take my hands away
23:19We'll have more last week for you after the break
23:22As your party launches your party
23:24And we launch Stand Up To Cancer
23:26We'll see you in a little bit
23:27I can be your hands, baby
23:31I can take my hands away
23:37Oh, yeah
23:38LAUGHTER
23:40I will hands by you forever
23:44You can take my hands away
23:51Welcome back to Glass Legs, we're joined by Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan.
24:13Now, in UK politics this week, the party formed by Jeremy Corbyn and Zahra Sultana
24:17as a fresh alternative to Labor, chose a name.
24:20They had been unofficially known as your party, but a vote this week, they officially decided
24:25to be called your party.
24:28It led to this absurd headline, your party members vote for your party to be called your
24:33party.
24:34It's incredible, isn't it?
24:37It's like the opening episode of Apprentice, sounds like the political equivalent of a
24:41your mum joke.
24:42Guz, you were a big Corbyn fan, so how do you, what do you make of all this?
24:46Yeah, love Uncle JC.
24:47You know, the thing is, and I really like Zahra as well, she's great, she's been up
24:51in Coventry with us, but it's like, when they first announced it, I was like, yeah, this
24:55is going to be like The Hangover, bro, great movie, fun, unforgettable, but now it feels
25:00like it's The Hangover 2 and the party's going to get like 35% on Rotten Tomatoes, do you
25:05know what I mean?
25:06Yeah, right.
25:07What happened in The Hangover 2, nobody really knows.
25:09No one knows.
25:10You know what I mean?
25:11It's a bit tricky.
25:12They spent the whole time deciding whether to call it The Hangover 2, didn't they?
25:14Your Hangover.
25:15Your Hangover.
25:16Your Hangover.
25:17I was really excited too, but it sort of feels like now, you know when there's one roast
25:24potato left at the Christmas dinner, and everybody wants it, but no one's happy about it.
25:32Right.
25:33Do you know what I mean?
25:34Everyone wants...
25:35This could be so good.
25:36Yeah.
25:37But it seems quite sad.
25:39It is quite sad.
25:40It's a potato party.
25:41Yeah.
25:42The conference took a vote on whether there should be a single leader or a collective
25:45leadership group, and the group vote won the day 52% to 48.
25:50Oh, Jeremy Corbyn going, not again.
25:53Which means your party will now be run by a 16-member Central Executive Committee.
25:59Because you know what they say, not enough cooks spoil the broth.
26:02No one wants the country run by 16 people.
26:04I don't want to be in a WhatsApp group with 16 people.
26:07The thing is, though, I actually think it's quite clever.
26:09Yeah.
26:10Because I think they're going to join together like Power Rangers and make Mega Corbyn.
26:14In other political news, reform leader Nigel Farage spent the last few weeks denying claims
26:24he made racist comments when he was at school.
26:26Actually, I'm not sure denying is really the right word.
26:29He did whatever it is he's doing in this incriminating clip.
26:33The question is, did you ever racially abuse fellow pupils in school?
26:37No.
26:38You've caveated it with a hurtful way.
26:39Not with intent.
26:40What do you mean, not with intent?
26:41I don't understand what you mean by not with intent.
26:42What does that mean?
26:43You wouldn't do.
26:44But what does that mean?
26:45No.
26:46No what?
26:47No.
26:48I have never directly really tried to go and hurt anybody.
26:56I think he was very clear.
26:57Yeah.
27:00Farage is now refusing to talk to the BBC until they apologised for their comedy in the 70s.
27:05And he had this rattled retort to a journalist from ITV.
27:09I've spoken to another people from...
27:13Good for you.
27:14Let's move on to the times, shall we?
27:16He says he can remember you...
27:19Very good.
27:20Making pissing noises...
27:22Very good.
27:23Harry, you are wasting your time.
27:25Bernard Manning.
27:26Bernard Manning.
27:27Bernard Manning.
27:28Do you want to hear some of the Bernard Manning jokes on ITV?
27:30Why is he talking about that bloke who does the turkey?
27:33The real thing is, when he said his name three times, Bernard Manning appeared at the back of the screen.
27:40I don't know, Gus, what do you make of the far right?
27:45Like, I mean, you know, there's reform and then there's further.
27:49Like, what do you make of all that area of politics?
27:51No, yeah, I'm a big fan.
27:52I think they're quite misunderstood.
27:53LAUGHTER
27:55Oh, you've had a run-in, though, with...
27:57Yeah, I do like to go back and forth.
27:58Yeah, just because I feel like, unfortunately, a lot of it seems to be centred around a working class.
28:03I started off as a working class live from the West Midlands.
28:05I never want to lose touch with the people that I grew up around or my neighbours.
28:08So, I like to go to the big wigs in the movement.
28:10Yeah.
28:11Tommy Robinson, Steven Yaxley-Lennon.
28:13We go back a lot.
28:14We had a recent interaction where I asked him a question and he said,
28:18it doesn't matter what you think because your mum and dad are cousins.
28:20And I said, they're not...
28:21Hang on, was this on social media?
28:22Yeah, social media.
28:23Yeah, yeah, OK.
28:24If it was in KFC, he would have banged him.
28:25But, like...
28:26LAUGHTER
28:33And I had to remind him that not all Asian people's parents are cousins.
28:37Mine aren't.
28:38They're from different countries.
28:39And I said, but it's kind of ironic that you're worried about the genetics of parents
28:44and the kind of children they produce when his mum and dad produced a son
28:47no bigger than a Lego minifigure.
28:49Do you know what I mean?
28:50Yeah, yeah.
28:51Holly Pocket from Luton's taking a piss, bro.
28:52Worry about yourself.
28:53Don't worry about me.
28:54LAUGHTER
28:55And did he get...
28:56Did he respond?
28:57He did.
28:58He actually found it quite funny.
28:59Your social media's mad!
29:01Yeah, yeah.
29:02It's more than true, isn't it?
29:03More than Trump!
29:04So, are you now mates with Tommy Robinson?
29:06Don't be saying all that shit!
29:07I didn't say that!
29:08LAUGHTER
29:09I didn't say that!
29:10But it's interesting.
29:11Like, all of that super right-wing hatred, wherever you find it, it's grifty.
29:16Yeah, yeah.
29:17People don't really believe in the things that they say.
29:19It's all to galvanise an emotion and a feeling.
29:22But really, when it comes down to it in the inbox, it's all quite polite.
29:25Very underwhelming.
29:26Now, we need to move on, because Stand Up To Cancer is back this year
29:28with a week-long campaign that kicked off today.
29:30There's a brand-new Stand Up To Cancer screening checker
29:33where you can find out if you're eligible for a cervical, breast or bowel screening,
29:37or as they're calling it, your bits, tits and shits.
29:40You can find the details at screeningchecker.co.uk.
29:43Meanwhile, the city of Leicester is preparing for the Stand Up To Cancer Tribute Mile.
29:47So it's going to be a lantern display made by people from all around the UK
29:51with each lantern dedicated to a loved one lost to cancer.
29:54You can create your own dedication at TributeMile.co.uk.
29:58I'm going to be launching the Tribute Mile with Mel Schilling
30:00at High Cross Leicester on Tuesday from midday.
30:02Then Friday next week, 7.30,
30:04I'm going to be co-hosting the Stand Up To Cancer broadcast
30:07alongside Davina McCall, Claire Balding, Vicky Patterson,
30:10Hannah Frye, Babatunde Aleshe, and a whole bunch of special guests.
30:13Hopefully, I'll make it back here for the last leg,
30:15but there is a chance Josh and Alex might have to host the show on their own.
30:19Oh, no.
30:21That would be a real shame.
30:24Keeping everything cross for you.
30:29Greg Davies and Alex Horne will also be involved,
30:32and they've been trying to come up with ways
30:34to bring attention to Stand Up To Cancer.
30:36We are very excited now to show you a sneak peek
30:39at how they've been getting on.
30:41Three words, six-foot vulva.
30:51What's going on?
30:52The campaign needs a mascot.
30:54Children in need has Pudsey.
30:56Red Nose Day has Lenny Henry.
30:58This vulva is a combination of both.
31:00It's cute and funny.
31:02Plus, it reminds people to get their bits checked for cancer.
31:06That's because this time,
31:07Stand Up To Cancer is trying to raise awareness
31:09of cancer screening.
31:11Claire, this is not some perverted episode of The Masked Singer.
31:14I can't have someone dressed as a six-foot fanny.
31:17Go away, come up with some better ideas.
31:19Pussy.
31:20I heard that balding!
31:22OK, today, Greg,
31:25we're hoping to find that special sauce
31:27that makes a good Stand Up To Cancer campaign great.
31:31OK, and these comprise of the appeal films...
31:33The sloppy bits to make people cry and hand over their money.
31:36OK, and also the celebrity challenge.
31:39Some celebs are flown first class
31:40so they can do a trek and rebrand themselves.
31:42I suppose so, yes.
31:43And also a song.
31:45Manipulative cry bait.
31:47OK, fine, who's doing that?
31:49Hmm.
31:51Oh, God.
31:52So Nish has composed a song
31:54to try to get more members of the South Asian community
31:57to consider bowel screening.
31:59Yep.
32:00Right, then.
32:01Don't be shy, don't be chumps.
32:03Not enough Asians are sharing their dumps.
32:06Collect your turd and send your poo.
32:08The scientists want your number two.
32:10Everybody poop!
32:11Scoop a seal and send just me.
32:13Do it!
32:14You, Bella!
32:16Get out!
32:18Tell him!
32:19Get out!
32:20Shout it!
32:21Get out!
32:22Can do!
32:23Greg?
32:24Yes?
32:25I've got an idea for a challenge.
32:29For who?
32:30For me.
32:31You're not a celebrity.
32:33You look like a child drew a face on a Victorian clothes peg.
32:36No-one wants to see you do anything.
32:45Hi, Greg, it's Claudia.
32:46Ah, Winkleman.
32:47Sorry to bother you, but Claire Balding's been on the phone.
32:50Yep.
32:51She's really upset about her vulva.
32:53Mmm.
32:54Hello?
32:56Greg, how's it going?
32:57Honestly?
32:58Yeah.
32:59So far I've had Balding's vulva,
33:00and I've had Nish Kumar's shit song.
33:02It's proving harder than I thought.
33:03Do you know what?
33:04Never failed me, fall back on public humiliation.
33:07What?
33:08I've got naked, I've had my bum waxed, and I bungee jumped.
33:11I'm thinking you produce a stool sample live on television
33:15and show people the correct way to collect it.
33:18Are you shy?
33:19I thought you were a big, brave boy.
33:21I am a big, brave boy.
33:22He is a big, brave boy.
33:24Awesome.
33:25I'll tell him you're in.
33:28He said yes!
33:30I am not doing plit-plops on national television.
33:34We need more ideas, and we need them now.
33:36I can't take any more.
33:38Shit!
33:39Are you mad?
33:42Claire?
33:43I said no to your vulva.
33:45I'm not going to sign off on a giant turd, am I?
33:47My God, I thought you were supposed to be clever.
33:49I thought you were like a sporty Stephen Fry.
33:51Greg, this mascot will get people talking about screening their shit.
33:56Their shit?
33:57Their shit?
33:58No, Claire.
33:59Your ideas.
34:00Their shit.
34:01We need funny, clever, edgy ideas.
34:04Go back to the drawing board.
34:06Wanker.
34:07I heard you again, Volding!
34:11Well, well, well.
34:12My old diving partner.
34:14Hi, Gregles.
34:15It's Greg.
34:16Or sir.
34:17What have you got for me?
34:18I am knitting something quite special for you.
34:21It's not a vulva, is it?
34:23How did you know?
34:24Was it that obvious?
34:27Hi, Greg.
34:28Dermot Murna.
34:30Another candidate for the song, are you?
34:32It's a spoken word composition.
34:34Is it indeed?
34:37Good evening.
34:38Our top story tonight.
34:42Cancer.
34:43Yeah, it's good, Dermot.
34:44I just...
34:45It's bad for everyone.
34:48Could I, um...
34:52Get out, Dermot.
34:55Honestly.
34:56What a vibe, girl.
34:57Have we not got anyone fun?
34:58You need to be more intimidating.
35:00Right.
35:01Intimidated to cancer.
35:03And we do that how?
35:06Listen up, you slimy piece of shit!
35:08You think you can crawl in wrecked lives and just get away with it?
35:11Well, not on my fucking watch, dickhead.
35:13You've picked the wrong enemy.
35:14I'm going to crawl inside you and destroy you cell by cell.
35:17Do you hear me, you cancerous bastard?
35:19Well...
35:20Well...
35:21He was a little aggressive.
35:22He was lovely.
35:23Hmm.
35:24I do think my challenge idea is good.
35:25Alex, the people upstairs have already said no.
35:27But the people upstairs are an accountancy firm.
35:28Yes, they are.
35:29And they think you are a...
35:30Tit.
35:31Or did?
35:32How the fuck did you get an OBE?
35:33It's a CBE, actually.
35:34But, Greg, once again, this mascot is designed to get people talking about breast screening.
35:38Claire, I can't have a mega-boob in the studio.
35:39People are perverts.
35:40They won't be able to stop themselves.
35:41Hey, dirty boy!
35:42See?
35:43Do you have any better ideas?
35:44Well...
35:45Well, considering that you don't have anything else at all, could I tell you?
35:46Yes, they are.
35:47Yes, they are.
35:48And they think you are a...
35:49Yes, they are.
35:50And they think you are a...
35:51Tit.
35:52Or did?
35:53How the fuck did you get an OBE?
35:54It's a CBE, actually.
35:55But, Greg, once again, this mascot is designed to get people talking about breast screening.
35:58Claire, I can't have a mega-boob in the studio.
36:00People are perverts.
36:01They won't be able to stop themselves.
36:02Hey, dirty boy!
36:03See?
36:04Well, considering that you don't have anything else at all, could I please have my shit,
36:09my tit, and my vulva?
36:11Fine!
36:12You are a twat.
36:16Balting is mean!
36:18I know.
36:19I was just thinking, Greg, considering the situation, what about my challenge?
36:24Oh, God.
36:25Will it be humiliating for you?
36:27Oh, yeah.
36:28OK.
36:29Fine.
36:30Get on with it.
36:31It's balting's problem.
36:32Yes!
36:34You can see the rest of their story next week from 7.30 on Channel 4.
36:44And Alex Horne is going to give us a hint as to what his challenge might be after the break.
36:48We also want your votes for this year's Hands Awards.
36:51Message us on WhatsApp or Instagram.
36:53The hashtag is showofhands.
36:54We'll see you in a little bit.
36:55APPLAUSE
36:56Welcome back to The Last Leg.
37:11We're joined by Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan.
37:13Now, before the break, we showed you some footage of Greg Davies and Alex Horne trying to come up with some ideas for the Stand Up To Cancer campaign.
37:20All week, Alex Horne is going to be releasing teasers for what his on-air challenge will be.
37:24Here's the first one that he made just for us.
37:29Hello, everyone.
37:30Hello, Adam.
37:31Hello, Alex.
37:32Hi, Josh.
37:33Normally, I set the challenges.
37:35Tasks, even.
37:36But now it's my turn.
37:37It's my turn.
37:38On Thursday night at 10pm, Channel 4, 11th of December, I am going to do a task.
37:44It will not be easy.
37:45It will be hard.
37:48But I'm ready.
37:49I'm little Alex Horne.
37:50ARRRR!
37:53I have no idea what that means.
37:56No idea what that means.
37:57He's in on Thursday night to find out what his challenge is going to be.
38:00Let's do a bit of entertainment news now.
38:02Meghan Markle has released a Christmas special of her Netflix show.
38:05Here is a riveting scene of her carefully explaining what an advent calendar is,
38:08as if she's just discovered them for the first time.
38:12I love the idea of an advent calendar.
38:14So I wanted to do it for my own kids.
38:16You could get small ones that just have a small chocolate each day.
38:19You can get them pre-made.
38:20And all it's really about is having a surprise and delight every single day
38:24for 24 days until you get to Christmas.
38:27But they're not supposed to be big things.
38:29They're supposed to be small gestures.
38:30The carols and bells, incredible smell.
38:34I'm writing, I love you because you are so kind.
38:37And I love you because you're so brave.
38:39Yeah.
38:40Yeah.
38:41There's another note that says, stay away from Uncle Andrew.
38:43How is she too edgy for the royal family?
38:59How are the royal family going?
39:01What are they thinking?
39:02I mean, hanging out with a pedophile is one thing,
39:04but wrapping cinnamon sticks in a bow is just too damn disruptive.
39:09I was wondering why Prince Harry's just done, you know,
39:12Colbert in America.
39:13He's been doing a late night TV show.
39:14Yeah.
39:15And I was like, why is he doing that?
39:16And now I've seen that, it's to get out of the house.
39:21And he's a bitch.
39:22If I was a kid and I got like a note in my advent calendar
39:25that says, I love you, without a chocolate,
39:27I would think they don't love me.
39:29Yes!
39:30You can't write your kind to tell you who's not fucking kind,
39:32the person who didn't give me a chocolate.
39:35Wouldn't you run out of things to say as well?
39:37Like, after all, you'd just be like, happy Wednesday.
39:43I'm a big fan of both of them.
39:44I won't hear a word again.
39:45I genuinely love Harry and Meghan.
39:47Do you?
39:48They left the shit fight that is the royal family
39:50and we think they're the weirdos.
39:52No, no, we think they're all weird.
39:55Both sides.
39:56It's possible for both of them to be wankers.
39:59Oh!
40:02Oh!
40:03Look at Britain!
40:06Look at Britain.
40:08And that is how revolution begins.
40:12All right, it's time to bring on this week's mystery guest.
40:14Amy and Guz have to work out why they're in the news this week.
40:17Can we have the mystery guest, please?
40:19Ooh...
40:22Mysterious guest!
40:24I wanna get close to you
40:28You're too close to you, my baby
40:31OK, this is Lauren and Joe.
40:33But why were they in the news this week?
40:36Can we have the dramatic lighting change, please?
40:40So Lauren surprised Joe by walking down the aisle dressed as a T-Rex
40:46Lauren surprised Joe by jumping out of his birthday cake giving him a heart attack
40:51Or Lauren surprised mourners by turning up at a funeral dressed as a deceased
40:58Joe's gran
40:59What are your initial thoughts?
41:03I don't think it could be the heart attack because you look so good and healthy right now
41:08Mm-hmm
41:10Don't give her a clue Joe
41:12Well it's definitely not that one
41:14It's not that one
41:16Also if he'd had a heart attack I wouldn't have shouted at him like that
41:20Thank goodness
41:22So T-Rex down the aisle
41:24Or dressing as his dead gran at the funeral
41:28Why was I just asking did she dress as your dead gran?
41:30You can't ask them Gus
41:32Okay, I tell you what we'll reveal the mystery guests after the break
41:36Okay, no more questions to them
41:38Alex will end the show by singing with his new band Unique Limb Situation
41:42Don't go away
41:44Don't miss that
41:45We'll see you in a little bit
41:46Welcome back to Last Legs
42:02We're joined by Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan
42:04Now before the break we challenged our guests to work out how this person's wife was connected to the news
42:09Can we have the options again, please?
42:11Yes
42:13Did she walk down the aisle dressed as a T-Rex on her wedding day?
42:17Did she jump out of his birthday cake giving him a heart attack?
42:21Or did she come to his grand funeral dressed as his gran?
42:25What do you think?
42:27I defer to the intelligent and legendary one here in this combination
42:31Okay
42:32You coward
42:33Yes
42:34Amy?
42:35T-Rex
42:36T-Rex?
42:37T-Rex down the aisle
42:38Well mystery guest is going to reveal the answer by dressing in the appropriate way
42:42Come on out
42:44Down the aisle dressed as a T-Rex
42:57Why?
42:58I thought it'd be funny
42:59And what were you thinking when when when she was
43:13Honestly, I had no idea, but when there was, like, a delay,
43:17it was actually her inflating the suit behind the door.
43:20So I was just stood at the end for quite some time.
43:23So were you standing there wondering where she is and you could just hear...
43:26Yeah, essentially.
43:28And did you dress like that for your whole wedding day?
43:30No, no, it was just for the aisle.
43:32Oh, yeah, it'd be mental otherwise.
43:34Yeah.
43:39Um, OK, if you were in a band, you...
43:41I mean, you might have just joined Unique Limbs Situation.
43:46Would you thank Lauren and Joe?
43:47Oh, wait, wait, they're staying. They're staying.
43:49Staying. Staying. Staying.
43:54Josh has been standing up for the last seven days.
43:56What have you got?
43:57Well, I've got a clip that actually is from this week
44:00and I wanted Lauren to see this,
44:02but she might have some explaining to do.
44:04Yep.
44:05Would you like to see someone getting away with fly-tipping
44:08by wearing an extravagant outfit in this unbelievable footage?
44:12Yes, please.
44:15This is really... You can see the date.
44:17This is, what, Tuesday this week?
44:22And they are doing it dressed as a dinosaur.
44:25Lauren, explain yourself.
44:38No comment.
44:40Was it you?
44:41No comment.
44:43Well, thank you very much, Lauren and Joe!
44:46All right, we ask you to nominate people for this year's Hands Awards.
44:56There have been a whole bunch of celebrities like Lindsay Burrow,
44:59Zach Polanski, David Tennant,
45:01but people like Jill Robinson from the Play It Forward charity Brass Group
45:05who raised £40,000 for charity.
45:07Jolion Maorm from the Good Law Project standing up for trans people.
45:13Tamsin said,
45:14My dad David, who works with bakeries in Ukraine,
45:17one in Kyiv, run by and for people with disabilities.
45:22And someone said the drunk raccoon that broke into a supermarket
45:24drank alcohol and passed out.
45:27Could be any of those. Tune in next week.
45:28Alex is getting ready to end the show with his new band,
45:30Unique Limbs Situation.
45:32But before he does, would you please thank our guests,
45:34Amy Glendhill.
45:37And Guz Khan.
45:40And my co-host Josh Whittacombe and Alex Brooker.
45:45Josh and Alex will be back next week
45:47with comedians John Richardson and Matt Ford,
45:49as well as presenter AJ Adudu.
45:51But right now, after AI identified Alex
45:53as having a Unique Limbs Situation,
45:55he's about to show off his newly formed band
45:58called Unique Limbs Situation.
46:00Thanks for watching The Last League.
46:01My name's Adam Hills.
46:02I'll see you at 7.30 next Friday for Stand Up To Cancer
46:04and hopefully later that night for The Next Leg.
46:07Take it away, Alex.
46:08If you see me walking down the street, staring at the sky, dragging my fake feet.
46:27A cap just drove straight on, did not know that's a fun.
46:32Big hands won't make me whole again.
46:39Looking back on where my foot left,
46:42I cannot escape, but the parking's the best.
46:47Mittens, you're the one, you still slip right on.
46:52Big hands won't make me whole again.
46:56Because my limbs are great, and I won't change my mind.
47:03New hands would be too late, cause I'm happy to go on.
47:08With these little buggers, there's nothing wrong.
47:11Big hands won't make me whole again.
47:13Oh, Mittens, you're the one, you still slip right on.
47:30Big hands won't make me whole again.
47:34Oh, Mittens, you're the one, you still slip right on.
47:41Big hands won't make me whole again.
47:45Big hands won't make me whole again.
47:55Big hands won't make me whole again.
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