00:00Now, this sent in a very long one and this is what they had to say.
00:05I am a 30-year-old single mother of one.
00:10A few weeks ago, during my usual day-to-day activities, I met this man, also a single parent.
00:17He has a daughter who lives with his ex who is now married.
00:22He and I are working on a project together.
00:24We exchanged contacts and since he lives in another country, most of our connection has been through chats and video calls.
00:33This is where my dilemma begins.
00:35I cannot tell whether I am overthinking or whether I should be concerned.
00:40He takes banter way too far.
00:42For example, he'll ask what I'm cooking and request for a picture.
00:47Then he'll even comment that the food has no salt even though he has not tasted it.
00:51I come from the saloon and he does not say anything.
00:55When I point it out, he just giggles and says he has not seen the difference.
01:01Joking about how I probably spent thousands on my hair.
01:06It's like every single small effort I make is met with criticism first followed by I'm just kidding and then a compliment.
01:15But the criticism always comes before anything else.
01:19Is this romance?
01:20I am not experienced in love, but I know it does not feel good when he does this.
01:28I often find myself feeling tensed, almost panicked, waiting for the next criticism disguised as a joke.
01:37What is your advice?
01:38As your big sister, okay, I won't say auntie, please.
01:45But as your big sister, I'm going to tell you to trust your gut, okay?
01:52If it feels good, it's because it is good.
01:55If it doesn't feel good and it feels uncomfortable, and this is such a new relationship, you're still getting to know each other.
02:02Most of your connection is online, but if it feels wrong and you're constantly anxious, as attached as you are to this person, my advice would be to sever ties before it gets too serious.
02:20From my perspective, anyway, I feel like new love and a new connection is usually very nice.
02:30You feel very good about this person.
02:32Anytime you think about it, you just feel overwhelming joy.
02:36You know, you see their text, and it lights up your day, and that is how it's supposed to feel.
02:42It is not a movie, and your expectation is so low.
02:46You're simply expecting that this man will compliment you and make you feel beautiful, as he should.
02:52But all he does is make jabs at you and then laugh about it.
02:56What do you mean?
02:56At the start, I'm going to the Maasai market for like four hours.
03:03And then I come home, and you're like, huh, yeah, I didn't see the difference.
03:07Nah, and I know it sounds petty, and it sounds small, but it is not.
03:12If he's constantly chipping away at your self-esteem and not making you feel good, he's not the one, okay?
03:20And I know you mentioned children, and you mentioned your age, but those do not define you, okay?
03:27Being petty is nothing.
03:29You are still a child, okay?
03:32Being a mother is a beautiful thing.
03:35And think about the example you want to set for your daughter.
03:38Is this a kind of treatment she should be accepting?
03:41So my advice for you is, trust me, that's not your soulmate, okay?
03:46Our population is overpopulating on this rock we call Earth, okay?
03:51There are almost 10 billion people.
03:54Why would the love of your life be the person that makes you feel horrible, okay?
03:59Have you traveled?
04:01Have you gotten out of Nairobi?
04:03Baby, your soulmate is in Turkana.
04:06Umwenda Turkana, baby girl, okay?
04:09Have you been to Ethiopia?
04:10Do you even have a passport?
04:12Baby, it would be a crime for you to say you have the love of your life, and you don't have a passport.
04:17Because unadu?
04:18Maybe your love, the love of your life is Swedish.
04:21Ako uko, Sweden.
04:23Hu jaenda.
04:24Sasa nini apa we derero?
04:25You're crying about a man who's just doing bare minimum.
04:30You know, not even doing anything at all.
04:32He's just taking away from what you already have.
04:36My advice is focus on you.
04:39Keep him in the back burner.
04:40And before you cut things off with him so that you have complete closure, it's important to address it, okay?
04:47You say, hey, I am no longer willing to speak to you again or to continue with this relationship.
04:53Because every single interaction with you leaves me feeling drained.
04:59Every time I have a chat with you, I have something to think about when I go to sleep.
05:05Every time I do something with you or I do something new, I don't feel excited about it after sharing with you.
05:15Because you find a way to ruin it, okay?
05:19It's not jokes for me.
05:21It's serious, okay?
05:23So, yeah.
05:24Explain exactly what they did.
05:27Call them out on that behavior.
05:30Siyato unajongo kijoke.
05:31Pia ya najwa kijoke and when he's being serious.
05:34So, yeah.
05:36And I think that right about wraps up the show we had for you today.
05:42I know it is short and it is sweet.
05:45But, yeah, that's what we have to do.
05:47Our dear Kathami will most likely join us tomorrow.
05:51We are hoping that she gets well very, very soon.
05:55My name is Torifei.
05:57I'll see you tomorrow.
