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00:00:00Música
00:00:30Música
00:00:39Anyone's getting out of here for a while with this weather.
00:00:43We surf it for a while too. It's really annoying.
00:01:00Excuse me, but are you Richard?
00:01:06Wait.
00:01:09Tiffany?
00:01:10This is so strange. I mean, what are the odds?
00:01:15It's me.
00:01:16Wow.
00:01:20Headed home for the holidays?
00:01:22Yeah. Yeah, I hate there's never a direct flight. I always have a layover.
00:01:26Yeah, I know. I know.
00:01:30So you headed home, too?
00:01:33Nope. California.
00:01:36Oh, that's where I'm coming from.
00:01:37I know!
00:01:40You knew I was living in California?
00:01:42Nothing else to gossip about in Grand Falls.
00:01:48Do you know that I lost 50 pounds?
00:01:5250 pounds?
00:01:55Where would you put it?
00:01:56Believe me, everywhere.
00:02:02Well, I can't even picture it.
00:02:08I got really big after I had my son, and then stress. It just...
00:02:13So you're married, then?
00:02:14Not anymore.
00:02:17Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
00:02:19No, I mean, you didn't know.
00:02:23Divorce can be rough.
00:02:24Yeah.
00:02:25Yeah.
00:02:25So, you said you're going to California.
00:02:32Vacation, or...?
00:02:33No, to live.
00:02:36I'm moving there.
00:02:37No kidding.
00:02:39Do you think I'll fit in?
00:02:43Sure.
00:02:44Yeah, you'll do great there.
00:02:45You know, you were my inspiration all these years.
00:02:56Oh, come on. We barely knew each other.
00:02:59Seriously, I...
00:03:01always admired you, and...
00:03:04like, whoa!
00:03:05Richard!
00:03:07You know, just...
00:03:08packed up and...
00:03:10moved to California, never looking back.
00:03:13Hey, so who'd Jenna marry in?
00:03:17Someone from the old gang?
00:03:20Whitey.
00:03:21I married Whitey.
00:03:23Jim the total jock.
00:03:25Jim White Whitey.
00:03:26Mm-hmm.
00:03:26That's him.
00:03:28He was a good-looking guy, as I recall.
00:03:30Yeah, not for a long.
00:03:32He got old, and he got that...
00:03:34receding hairline thing.
00:03:38That's too bad.
00:03:39And bossy.
00:03:40Well, he drinks a little too much sometimes.
00:03:45Him and the guys from the football team,
00:03:48they're all still around.
00:03:50The popular kids.
00:03:52I guess.
00:03:53You were popular, as I recall.
00:03:56So were you.
00:03:57You had a lot of friends.
00:04:00Didn't you?
00:04:02Not really.
00:04:04I mean, in the theater crowd, maybe.
00:04:06Oh, yeah, that was your thing.
00:04:08I'd forgotten.
00:04:10I saw you once in...
00:04:13Guys and Dolls?
00:04:15No.
00:04:17That improv thing?
00:04:20Oh, yeah.
00:04:22I never saw you.
00:04:24Well, I only went to that one show.
00:04:27You know, I've got to use the little girl's room.
00:04:34Oh, sure.
00:04:36You can watch my stuff.
00:04:38I know.
00:05:00No.
00:05:02No.
00:05:02¿Qué?
00:05:18¿Quieres que te vayas a un poco?
00:05:22¿Verdad me? ¿Verdad?
00:05:26¿Quién podría olvidarte?
00:05:29Teotra, Tiffany...
00:05:32I always knew you'd get married, do the family thing.
00:05:36I figured you'd take that route.
00:05:38You thought about that in high school?
00:05:41Of course.
00:05:43You were always one of the sensitive ones.
00:05:46I think Jimmy was only with me to get laid.
00:05:52I see it all the time with my friends and relationships.
00:05:56Always a dominant person, you just hope your friend's that person, you know?
00:05:59Yeah, well, I knew it was going to be bad from the start, as soon as we were married.
00:06:05At the wedding?
00:06:06No, no.
00:06:08The wedding itself was great, the reception and all.
00:06:13I guess I did have the fairytale wedding.
00:06:17How soon did you realize?
00:06:19Three months.
00:06:21I just got this feeling like maybe it was a mistake.
00:06:26Yeah, you can't judge by that.
00:06:27All newlyweds feel buyer's remorse.
00:06:31You get married, and it's supposed to be the happy time, right?
00:06:35Like, now you're settled.
00:06:37So they say.
00:06:38But it's the opposite.
00:06:39I felt like now my life is over.
00:06:42You know, you get through the hurdle of the wedding, and then you're like, now what?
00:06:45It's funny, because one of the main reasons people get married is for that security.
00:06:52Well, then you're in it, and you realize, wait a minute, this is my real life.
00:06:58And you realize it's permanent.
00:07:00And you feel trapped.
00:07:02Oh, that's the one thing that the human animal can't stand, that feeling, being trapped.
00:07:10You are so right.
00:07:13So you reassert yourself.
00:07:15Your freedom as an individual, and sometimes comes out in ways that are unhealthy, harmful even.
00:07:24You are explaining exactly the way that I felt.
00:07:32It's how it always is.
00:07:35I mean, we can't be blamed for it.
00:07:37You know?
00:07:37It's human nature.
00:07:38So you're saying it's inevitable, even if you find the right partner, that you still feel trapped, alone?
00:07:49I mean, people don't talk about it.
00:07:51But it's universal.
00:07:53It's just who we are.
00:08:08It's not supposed to be like that.
00:08:11What?
00:08:14Relationships.
00:08:16Who says?
00:08:18Well, we're supposed to be one man and one woman together forever, aren't we?
00:08:25I mean, look at society and the Bible.
00:08:30It's the way it's always been.
00:08:34The divorce rate's pretty high.
00:08:35Yeah, but...
00:08:39I mean, when it comes down to it, we're all animals.
00:08:43How else can it turn out?
00:08:47Well, then why do people even bother getting married?
00:08:52For children.
00:08:54Family.
00:08:56Why else?
00:08:59I don't know.
00:09:00The fairy tale.
00:09:07The happy ending.
00:09:12Right?
00:09:13Yeah, we all want the fairy tale.
00:09:16Girls do, anyway.
00:09:18My fairy tale didn't come true, either.
00:09:30You had a fairy tale?
00:09:33Of course.
00:09:37Well, you got out.
00:09:39So that's something.
00:09:40I left town, yeah.
00:09:45Problem is, wherever you go, you're still there.
00:09:50What does that mean?
00:09:53It means I've learned that you can't run away from yourself.
00:09:56Who says I'm running?
00:10:00I'm speaking for myself.
00:10:03I'm running.
00:10:04I ran then.
00:10:05Hell, I'm still running.
00:10:08Well, good.
00:10:09Then I'm running, too.
00:10:12Running as far away from this town as I can get.
00:10:15To L.A.
00:10:17To anywhere, really.
00:10:18I just chose L.A.
00:10:19because I heard you done well there.
00:10:22It was fun while it lasted.
00:10:23And I want the sunshine.
00:10:26That part is good.
00:10:29The problem is,
00:10:30I don't know what I'm going to do when I get there.
00:10:35Just...
00:10:38Sometimes you just need to stop and reset.
00:10:42You know?
00:10:43You realize your life's off track,
00:10:45and you have this overwhelming desire to change something.
00:10:51Right.
00:10:51So you think I can either change my job,
00:10:56or my relationship,
00:10:59or where I live?
00:11:02Maybe all three.
00:11:03Maybe all three.
00:11:05And four, really,
00:11:07if you include changing your look,
00:11:09which I've done.
00:11:13Yeah, that's just a makeover.
00:11:15Makeovers never really solve anything.
00:11:17True.
00:11:18So I did all that,
00:11:20and I knew I was changing my relationship,
00:11:22but it wasn't a big enough change.
00:11:25I mean,
00:11:25it wasn't a big enough change
00:11:27to make me become a different person.
00:11:30So then I decided,
00:11:33I need to leave town.
00:11:36Start over.
00:11:37To new beginnings.
00:11:41To new beginnings.
00:11:46Feels like I should at least have some Baileys in this or something.
00:11:51Well, I'm sure there's a bar somewhere.
00:11:54Maybe we should check our flight status first.
00:11:57We don't want to get stuck in the middle.
00:11:58True.
00:11:59If I could only add up all the time
00:12:25I've spent in airport bars.
00:12:27You've traveled a lot?
00:12:29Yeah, you could say that.
00:12:31What kind of work do you do in L.A.?
00:12:33I got involved in art.
00:12:36You have to be very particular.
00:12:39Well, I am a perfectionist.
00:12:41I see that.
00:12:43You have a real thing about you.
00:12:45A thing?
00:12:46What's that mean?
00:12:47Oh, yeah.
00:12:49I noticed.
00:12:50Right away.
00:12:52Really nicely dressed.
00:12:54Hair is real specific.
00:12:56Not like Whitey at all.
00:12:59Well, Whitey's.
00:13:01I would imagine Whitey's not the kind of guy who would be...
00:13:03You moisturize your face, don't you?
00:13:07And actually...
00:13:07What are you...
00:13:09You've done that Botox thing, haven't you?
00:13:12I've seen it before and in magazines, the before and after pictures, the forehead thing.
00:13:19It doesn't move when you smile.
00:13:21Okay, who am I trying to fool?
00:13:23It's just you.
00:13:24So you did do it.
00:13:26Well, it's actually good.
00:13:27I was wondering why I had so many more wrinkles than you and we're both the same age.
00:13:31Oh, you don't have wrinkles.
00:13:33Oh.
00:13:34You need glasses then.
00:13:36Yeah.
00:13:37Is it noticeable?
00:13:39Oh, no.
00:13:40It looks great.
00:13:42Very natural.
00:13:44But you noticed.
00:13:46Well, I noticed the overall package.
00:13:49You know, I could tell you were a perfectionist.
00:13:53I am.
00:13:54But over time I realized I'm a mediocre perfectionist, which can become problematic.
00:14:02So how come you never got married?
00:14:05What makes you think I wasn't married?
00:14:07Oh, I've had my eye out for the signs.
00:14:10No ring and...
00:14:11Well, I didn't want to make it about me.
00:14:12I mean, you wanted to talk about Whitey and all.
00:14:14So you were married.
00:14:18Yeah.
00:14:19Well, where is she now?
00:14:21Oh, so we're getting personal now.
00:14:22Oh, weren't we?
00:14:24Okay, if you must know, we both kind of left each other.
00:14:32I mean, we went back and forth.
00:14:35In the end, I guess I'm the one who finally left.
00:14:38Relationships are like that.
00:14:40Phases.
00:14:41You know, one moment, one person loves the one person more and then it flips.
00:14:47They only prolong the inevitable breakup.
00:14:50Maybe.
00:14:50I know there were times that I was determined to leave, but then you just get drawn back in.
00:14:58Until the bad times outweigh the good times.
00:15:01You're really down on the love and fairy tale anything, aren't you?
00:15:05Oh, yeah.
00:15:11Hey, two seats opened up at the bar.
00:15:13Hey, can we get a couple more of these when you get a chance?
00:15:26Just add it to my cart.
00:15:28You have your credit card at the bar?
00:15:31Yeah, I figured we'd be here for a little while.
00:15:33Well, let me.
00:15:36Don't worry about it.
00:15:37I got it.
00:15:37No, no, that's okay.
00:15:39I got it.
00:15:41Hey.
00:15:42Let a loser in love buy some drinks for another loser in love.
00:15:46One I haven't seen in, what, 15 years?
00:15:49I know, it's like fate or something, our paths crossing like this.
00:15:58Yeah, it's funny, isn't it?
00:16:02Hey, not so fast.
00:16:05Two losers in love.
00:16:07Don't you have to lose something in order to find yourself?
00:16:23I mean, people tell me that's when true character emerges.
00:16:26Interesting.
00:16:27I mean, think about it.
00:16:29If you had the fairy tale, where would you be?
00:16:32You'd be shallow and happy.
00:16:37And deep and angst-ridden is better?
00:16:39Sure.
00:16:41I don't know if I agree.
00:16:43I want to be happy.
00:16:48I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for the ups and downs that I've experienced.
00:16:53But don't you think it'd be easier to just go back to the beginning?
00:16:58Like high school, when you didn't really know that much about yourself or about life.
00:17:03It's just basically starting over with a clean slate.
00:17:07Yeah, I think you're wrong.
00:17:09I think the older that you get, there's too much you know about life and people.
00:17:15And you know too much for it ever to be simple again.
00:17:18Yeah, maybe it'd just be easier to have less self-awareness.
00:17:21Less of that self-analysis bullshit.
00:17:24Just get back to the basics of life.
00:17:26So you'd rather be ignorant and happy is what you're saying?
00:17:31Sometimes I think so.
00:17:33You don't mean that.
00:17:35It'd be a lot easier.
00:17:37I've been ignorant and happy and I thank God I was so naive.
00:17:44But it was good while it lasted?
00:17:46Not really.
00:17:48No?
00:17:49Well, I thought so at the time.
00:17:54I briefly thought my life was great and perfect.
00:18:01But you realized?
00:18:02Then I realized that I wasn't happy.
00:18:06I was just doing what I thought I should.
00:18:09Like getting married?
00:18:12Well, yeah.
00:18:13I was the cheerleader.
00:18:15He was the jock.
00:18:17We were meant to be together.
00:18:19The happy, perfect couple.
00:18:21You were.
00:18:24On the surface.
00:18:27For the show.
00:18:29For our families.
00:18:31Why'd you go through with it then?
00:18:34Honestly, if you thought it was about the show,
00:18:35why would you marry the guy?
00:18:38That's what I thought I wanted.
00:18:40I just later realized that I, I didn't know myself.
00:18:50You had a great personality in school.
00:18:53I had a perky personality.
00:18:55Cheerleader, right?
00:18:56That was the show.
00:18:59I don't follow you.
00:19:00It's like a character.
00:19:04You know, they want you to be a certain way,
00:19:07so you're that way.
00:19:13I know what you're saying.
00:19:17You, you understand?
00:19:19Oh, yeah.
00:19:23More than you realize.
00:19:26I've had to put on a charade in my life.
00:19:29Pretend to be something that I'm not.
00:19:32You have.
00:19:34Absolutely.
00:19:37See, I never saw that.
00:19:39You always,
00:19:40you were just always real.
00:19:43You never cared what anyone thought in high school,
00:19:46and I admired that.
00:19:49Oh, I cared.
00:19:51I cared too much what everyone thought.
00:19:54You did?
00:19:57And now you don't?
00:20:01Now I don't.
00:20:04What was your charade?
00:20:07Well, first, being a guy.
00:20:11You are a guy.
00:20:14Yeah.
00:20:16But I'm not a guy's guy, you know?
00:20:20I had to pretend.
00:20:21Well, that's just peer pressure.
00:20:24Everybody feels that way in high school.
00:20:28You didn't.
00:20:30I was popular.
00:20:32I had a group.
00:20:35That was the show.
00:20:36Oh.
00:20:40I was gay.
00:20:44Very funny, right, Jordan?
00:20:46It's not a joke.
00:20:52Oh, my God.
00:20:53Is that why you left, how?
00:20:58Partially, I'm sure.
00:20:58So, when you said you were married before you went to a gay lover to a man?
00:21:19A boyfriend.
00:21:20Just call him that.
00:21:20Boyfriend.
00:21:21And you were married in the gay sense?
00:21:28I don't know what that means.
00:21:31Like, you couldn't legally be married.
00:21:34We lived together.
00:21:36We were committed.
00:21:38Or so I thought.
00:21:40He cheated on you?
00:21:41We had an open relationship.
00:21:45He just never seemed gay to me in high school at all.
00:21:54Can you please just forget I said anything?
00:21:58Just erase it from your memory?
00:22:00Why?
00:22:01I'm fine with it.
00:22:03Because I don't want it going around that I'm gay.
00:22:07At least not in Grand Falls, anyway.
00:22:09You're still in the closet.
00:22:12No.
00:22:14No, I mean, I was openly gay.
00:22:18See?
00:22:21I admire that.
00:22:24You got out.
00:22:26Now I admire you even more.
00:22:29Gay guys are like a thing.
00:22:32It's very popular these days.
00:22:34Oh, so now I'm cool?
00:22:35And popular?
00:22:36It's almost like high school has reversed.
00:22:39I was popular, but I didn't know who I was.
00:22:44But now I'm searching.
00:22:45And you, you weren't popular.
00:22:48But you had self-awareness and angst.
00:22:51Everything has come full circle.
00:22:53No wonder you thought Whitey was cute.
00:22:56Now it's all adding up.
00:22:58It's complicated.
00:23:03I'm not going to be gay anymore.
00:23:06That's why I don't want you to say anything, all right?
00:23:09You're moving back to Grand Falls and you're not going to be gay anymore.
00:23:14That's right.
00:23:15That's crazy.
00:23:18Oh, what?
00:23:19Your plan to escape to L.A. is rational?
00:23:21But my idea to go back to Grand Falls is ridiculous?
00:23:24Richard, you've lived this amazing life.
00:23:28Why in the hell would you go back to our small town?
00:23:36I never had your life.
00:23:38The small town, the community of people who know me and care.
00:23:43You're lucky.
00:23:44It's what I want.
00:23:47That's exactly what's been missing from my superficial life.
00:23:50You think you're superficial.
00:23:51I have been, sure.
00:23:55Maybe it's your job.
00:23:59No.
00:24:00It's my life.
00:24:03You know, you think you're being deep and real with people and relationships.
00:24:07But you're not.
00:24:11You realize at the end of the day that you're all alone.
00:24:13I want a home where people know me.
00:24:20Not just who they think I am.
00:24:25Home isn't a place.
00:24:29It can be.
00:24:31I think you can be a different person in a different place.
00:24:34So you plan on being a different person.
00:24:39Yeah.
00:24:41I mean, not 100% different.
00:24:43But different version of me.
00:24:47More authentic.
00:24:48You plan on reinventing yourself.
00:24:52It's like you were saying about the show.
00:24:55L.A. was my show.
00:24:58I'm done with that kind of life.
00:25:03So how do you plan on a change?
00:25:08Well, one thing I know is I am not really gay.
00:25:13Richard, you're not really gay.
00:25:21You just got done telling me you were gay.
00:25:24I thought I was.
00:25:27And now you don't think you are.
00:25:29I don't know.
00:25:32I know.
00:25:34I thought I was.
00:25:36Okay.
00:25:37So you sleep with men.
00:25:41Yeah.
00:25:41So what does that mean?
00:25:49I don't know.
00:25:50I was part of something.
00:25:53A community, I guess.
00:25:56Okay.
00:25:56A community.
00:25:57Community.
00:25:58Which is what you said you wanted to be part of.
00:26:01True, sort of.
00:26:06I don't know.
00:26:07I mean, maybe it's just what I needed then.
00:26:11Okay.
00:26:12I don't understand.
00:26:16I don't get what you mean.
00:26:17I never had the popularity that you had in high school.
00:26:27I wasn't a jock like Whitey.
00:26:30You know, a girl like you.
00:26:31Girl like me what?
00:26:33You would have never slept with somebody like me.
00:26:36Of course not.
00:26:37We were in high school.
00:26:39Because I wasn't cool because I was in theater, right?
00:26:42Yeah.
00:26:43Exactly.
00:26:43You know how it works.
00:26:45But you slept with Whitey.
00:26:47Because he was on the football team.
00:26:53He didn't respect you.
00:26:55Yeah.
00:26:56He was on the football team.
00:26:58And I was a cheerleader.
00:27:00You know, I thought we got all this.
00:27:02Yeah, you're helping me make my point.
00:27:04What's your point exactly?
00:27:10You seem to think that you knew.
00:27:11That I knew who I was in high school.
00:27:15But I didn't.
00:27:17You know, maybe I wanted to sleep with women.
00:27:20You know, and maybe I was just attracted to or just curious.
00:27:26You know, about...
00:27:27Guys like Whitey.
00:27:28Guys like Whitey.
00:27:30Exactly.
00:27:32And since you were a little sensitive and effeminate, you...
00:27:38You think I'm effeminate?
00:27:39Well, you were.
00:27:42Really?
00:27:43You thought I was effeminate in high school?
00:27:45Well...
00:27:45Okay.
00:27:49I guess I was.
00:27:52And then I moved, and I got attention.
00:27:55For the first time.
00:27:56It's attention from the gay community.
00:28:06Ah, it's...
00:28:07I have attention.
00:28:10Well...
00:28:11It's nice to...
00:28:13Have attention.
00:28:14All the passengers waiting for connecting flights.
00:28:34¡Suscríbete al canal!
00:29:04Oh, hey, did you check on the flights?
00:29:08Oh, yeah, they said to check back in an hour.
00:29:10Oh, right.
00:29:21I was a little bit of a slut, too.
00:29:26I remember.
00:29:28Richard, be nice.
00:29:31Hey, I didn't want to say anything before, but...
00:29:33Mmm, you had a reputation.
00:29:36Wait a second.
00:29:38First, you say that maybe you wanted to sleep with me in high school, but couldn't.
00:29:46And now I'm a slut.
00:29:50Sorry.
00:29:51Look, you slept with others, but not me.
00:29:56That makes you a slut in my book.
00:30:03Well, two sluts.
00:30:05I'm sure you're no sluttier than anyone else.
00:30:10Hey, don't take that away from me.
00:30:11Maybe I happen to like sex.
00:30:17Oh, I thought it was all the show.
00:30:19Being with a guy like Whitey was the show, but...
00:30:23would have maybe slept with him for myself.
00:30:30You knew you liked sex at 16?
00:30:33Yeah, didn't you?
00:30:37Yeah!
00:30:38I mean, is that so weird?
00:30:39Why?
00:30:41Because I'm a woman admitting it?
00:30:44Maybe double standard.
00:30:46Well, you knew you liked it then, didn't you?
00:30:50Who doesn't like sex that's, like, not liking pizza?
00:30:53Oh, I know plenty of women who are, like, over it.
00:30:59Giving up on sex?
00:31:01Yep, all over Grand Falls.
00:31:03That's just sad.
00:31:05I know.
00:31:06Sex is just, it's important.
00:31:10Maybe that's who we are inside.
00:31:15Just deep in our core, we're sexual beings.
00:31:20Animals.
00:31:24And I knew that by the time I was 16.
00:31:30Didn't you?
00:31:32I suppose.
00:31:34I just actually hadn't had it yet.
00:31:37Now that, I can believe.
00:31:49But a real kiss is the best.
00:31:55You think so?
00:31:57Yeah.
00:31:58There's something about that moment when you kiss someone and there's something breathtaking about it.
00:32:11I did a lot of things I regretted in search of that feeling.
00:32:24You did?
00:32:25It was all good at the time.
00:32:28I mean, just giving in to those primal cravings.
00:32:35Right.
00:32:37It's what you do when you're in your 20s and you're stupid.
00:32:40You think you're invincible.
00:32:43You got hurt?
00:32:45No.
00:32:48But I hurt someone else.
00:32:51Your boyfriend.
00:32:52You're the one that cheated?
00:33:01We both cheated, physically.
00:33:03And we were just being fair and realistic to ourselves and our sexual needs.
00:33:08Okay.
00:33:09But one day I realized I'm not in it like him.
00:33:16I mean, he's committed to me, this lifestyle, and I'm just here for the...
00:33:22Fun.
00:33:22Attention.
00:33:23Attention.
00:33:24Attention.
00:33:25It was superficial.
00:33:26We're all superficial.
00:33:28I guess at times.
00:33:31But you get to a point where you're like, what the fuck am I doing?
00:33:36This isn't a joke.
00:33:37This is my life.
00:33:38Happening here.
00:33:39And you wake up one day and you're in your 30s and you're like, what the fuck?
00:33:45What the fuck?
00:33:46Exactly.
00:33:47What was your wake up call?
00:33:52I think you get to a point where you realize you're not so young and stupid.
00:33:58You lose that as an excuse.
00:34:00You realize you're not invincible.
00:34:03You realize you can get hurt.
00:34:07People can do terrible things to you.
00:34:10So you decide to move back home?
00:34:19You just drop your life?
00:34:22Back to the roots.
00:34:23Start over.
00:34:25Can you really do that though?
00:34:26Do you think it's realistic to think you can just drop your past?
00:34:31I still want the fairy tale.
00:34:33What's that look like for you?
00:34:38I know mine.
00:34:40Fairy tale.
00:34:41But what's yours?
00:34:44Tradition.
00:34:45Same as you.
00:34:48Okay.
00:34:49I want all the things you're supposed to.
00:34:51I want to get married, have children.
00:34:54With a lover.
00:34:57No, with a wife.
00:34:58I want to find a good woman and have a simple life in a small town.
00:35:04Like you were saying.
00:35:05Like society and the Bible wants you to.
00:35:08Tells you to.
00:35:09So you can just flip the switch back like that.
00:35:13One day you're gay and the next day you marry a woman.
00:35:18It's not a switch.
00:35:19I've been thinking about it for a long time.
00:35:23Yeah, well I'm glad it's so funny to you.
00:35:25I'm glad you find my life so hilarious.
00:35:30Look, I didn't think about going home before.
00:35:33But then everything happened with Kyle and...
00:35:36Well, I just...
00:35:38I got in this reflective phase, you know?
00:35:41Okay.
00:35:42I know a couple things about sexuality and psychology and it just doesn't work that way.
00:35:55Look, I told you I was in it, yes.
00:35:57But in the end...
00:35:59Well you can't go year after year being one person and all of a sudden realizing you're some other person.
00:36:09Why not?
00:36:10People don't do that.
00:36:12You did it?
00:36:13Did not.
00:36:14In high school?
00:36:15With Whitey?
00:36:16Oh, come on.
00:36:18I wasn't a whole other person.
00:36:22You were living a lie, you said it.
00:36:24I was living what was expected of me.
00:36:26It wasn't a lie, it was still me.
00:36:29What's the difference?
00:36:31Maybe I didn't like it all the time, but I accept that it was my life.
00:36:35All the mistakes that I made were my own.
00:36:39But eventually you get older and you realize you can't keep up the charade.
00:36:44And your whole fucking life's the charade.
00:36:46My life has been a charade, you're right. In many ways.
00:36:59We've just been going over what a great life you have. Being popular and marrying Whitey.
00:37:03Yes. I accept this is my life. Unlike you. You're talking like there's some other person you can pin responsibility on. That's a cop-out.
00:37:18A cop-out? What about you?
00:37:21You are right. I am running from more than you even know. I am getting far, far away.
00:37:29You've never been anywhere.
00:37:32You'll be back within six months.
00:37:36You're kind of pathetic, you know?
00:37:38Oh, I'm pathetic?
00:37:39You act like your life has been so heavy and intense because you were gay and cheated on a lover.
00:37:50But now you want to throw it all away and start fresh anew.
00:37:55You act like there was somebody else. Well, if it was somebody else, Richard, who was it?
00:38:00You know what? I'm just saying. I'm just saying that your problems seem pretty normal.
00:38:06Small town girl, popular, marries the jock and it doesn't work out.
00:38:13You're a cliché, Tiffany.
00:38:15I'm never coming back.
00:38:18Oh, sure. You'll explore. You'll search for that freedom that you missed out on when you got married in your 20s.
00:38:26And you'll look for that elusive, real kiss.
00:38:32But it doesn't exist.
00:38:35Not in the long run.
00:38:38And you know what?
00:38:40Eventually you'll want what I want.
00:38:41The husband, the kids.
00:38:43Oh, you think just because that's what you want, everybody does?
00:38:48I've been around a lot of people and I know what I'm talking about.
00:38:50You don't know shit about me or my problems.
00:38:56You're the typical small town divorcee.
00:39:00Okay? You've never experienced life outside of our town.
00:39:04Once you get a taste of it, trust me, you'll be back. Just like me.
00:39:09You're wrong.
00:39:11It didn't work out perfect.
00:39:13That's everyone's story.
00:39:15You don't know what you're talking about.
00:39:19So Whitey drank?
00:39:21What a shock.
00:39:22The high school jock who's now a drunk?
00:39:24Never heard of that one.
00:39:25There's more to it than that.
00:39:27Oh, don't tell me.
00:39:28Let me guess.
00:39:30He hit you.
00:39:32Oh, more clichés. I love it.
00:39:34He didn't hit me.
00:39:35We had a kid.
00:39:46You had a kid?
00:39:48Wait.
00:39:49Wait, you're a mom?
00:39:51I told you I gained weight after being pregnant.
00:39:55I guess you weren't listening.
00:39:57What, when we first started talking?
00:39:59That doesn't count.
00:40:00I didn't know I was going to talk to you seriously like this.
00:40:05Superficial. Just like you said you were.
00:40:08Oh, now that's bullshit.
00:40:10So what, you're going to run off to the west coast and leave your kid at home?
00:40:14For what, your mom to take care of or something?
00:40:17No.
00:40:19Oh, you get divorced, lose weight, dye your hair, get some fake nails,
00:40:24and you abandon your kid, what, because you think you deserve a better life?
00:40:27What's next? Some fake tits?
00:40:28Maybe that'll make you a better person. Why don't you go for it?
00:40:35He's dead.
00:40:39What?
00:40:41He died a year ago.
00:40:45What, Whitey's dead?
00:40:47My son, you asshole.
00:40:58A place where life stands still.
00:41:04A moment we could steal.
00:41:09Don't remember how to feel.
00:41:13Can't take these ups and downs.
00:41:24Snow lands on the ground.
00:41:29Let's swim until we drown.
00:41:33I don't know where to call home.
00:41:34I don't know where to call home.
00:41:35I don't know where to call home.
00:41:36I don't know where to call home.
00:41:40And I can't stand on my own.
00:41:54Don't in my own.
00:41:55The steering wheel.
00:41:56Don't rain on my parade.
00:42:03Don't look through my charade.
00:42:09Don't let that picture fade.
00:42:15I thought we'd kill some time
00:42:23Escape the cold outside
00:42:27Secrets in your eyes
00:42:33Doesn't look good.
00:42:41They made an announcement about getting us out of here before the next storm comes.
00:42:48So maybe...
00:42:51Hey, I'm sorry.
00:42:53It's fine.
00:42:55I'm a little drunk.
00:42:57Me too.
00:43:00I shouldn't have been so insensitive.
00:43:02You said it's fine.
00:43:05You didn't know.
00:43:07Whatever.
00:43:09You said I was one of the sensitive ones, but I'm not.
00:43:14Sometimes I get defensive and I push people.
00:43:18I see that now.
00:43:20I was all over you, but your sexual lifestyle choices...
00:43:26It's all fair game, right?
00:43:30It's too intimate.
00:43:32I mean, we don't even know each other.
00:43:35We went to high school fifteen years ago, for Christ's sake.
00:43:39And here I am.
00:43:41Judging you.
00:43:43Still making assumptions about your life and who you are.
00:43:47We're from the same town, so that's something.
00:43:52We're all entitled to our own opinions.
00:43:55Yeah, you know where someone's from.
00:43:57Talk a little.
00:43:59Makes us think we know who they are, but we don't.
00:44:02Well, folks, we're hoping to get a few of you out, but the temperature is a bit too low to the ice.
00:44:10The wings right now, so the flames are going to have to stay grounded for now.
00:44:14Looks like we're stuck here a little while longer.
00:44:17Thanks for your continued patience.
00:44:19Wanna take a walk?
00:44:21Do you dare?
00:44:25I'm not gonna go off on you again. I said I was sorry.
00:44:30I don't know.
00:44:36You know, I realized I was yelling at you, but only because I resent it.
00:44:45Resent what?
00:44:48I'm telling you that you're this small town cliche, and yet that's the one thing I wish I could be.
00:44:57So you're a hypocrite.
00:45:00Maybe.
00:45:02Or just that love-hate thing.
00:45:05You know how sometimes you're drawn to things?
00:45:09You get in your head how great something's gonna be.
00:45:12Or you just desperately want that one thing you deep down know is so bad for you.
00:45:25It's so bad for you.
00:45:46So what happened with your son?
00:45:47I mean, if you wanna talk about it.
00:45:53Might as well now.
00:45:57Not if you don't want to.
00:46:00I don't need to know. I just thought maybe.
00:46:02It was Whitey.
00:46:06What?
00:46:07What?
00:46:12What happened?
00:46:13What happened?
00:46:32It's drinking as usual.
00:46:34You picked him up.
00:46:39After a game at school.
00:46:44What was his name?
00:46:50Jimmy Jr.
00:46:54Right.
00:46:55No one else called him that.
00:47:00Only me.
00:47:02His friends at school called him Whitey.
00:47:06Just like his dad.
00:47:12So they were a lot alike?
00:47:14Like clones.
00:47:19He also played football.
00:47:25Just like his dad.
00:47:30So Whitey picks him up from school.
00:47:37It wasn't just the drinking.
00:47:42I knew Whitey was also messing with crystal meth.
00:47:48So you were around that too?
00:47:53Not me.
00:47:58I never tried this stuff.
00:48:05I did.
00:48:08You did?
00:48:17So Whitey was caught up in all that?
00:48:29Yeah.
00:48:34Most people are real sweet in Grand Falls.
00:48:39Just, you know, every town has their bad elements.
00:48:43His boys, you know.
00:48:45And he went to pick up your son after partying?
00:48:50I was supposed to pick him up.
00:48:54But I...
00:48:58Why?
00:48:59I was seeing someone I shouldn't have.
00:49:11I knew Whitey was...
00:49:15at the bar...
00:49:18watching games with his...
00:49:20buddies all night.
00:49:24And no one was at your son's game?
00:49:26It was just a practice game.
00:49:32I see.
00:49:37Yeah, well...
00:49:39Whitey...
00:49:41was driving drunk as usual.
00:49:45And he, uh...
00:49:46he picked up Jimmy Jr. from school and he wrapped the car around a tree.
00:50:02And the police called.
00:50:07And I'm...
00:50:09in a hotel room with...
00:50:11a...
00:50:13lady's business partner.
00:50:15Oh, no.
00:50:22You know how you're calling me a cliché?
00:50:27Well...
00:50:30maybe you're right.
00:50:32It's what I am.
00:50:41One big...
00:50:43fucking...
00:50:44white...
00:50:45trash cliché.
00:50:48Don't say that.
00:50:50It's true.
00:50:52Maybe I got so...
00:50:55upset with you before because I knew you were hitting a nerve.
00:51:03I was just being an asshole.
00:51:05Truth is...
00:51:09maybe you do see me clearly.
00:51:14This isn't your fault?
00:51:16Yeah.
00:51:18That's what people say.
00:51:22It's my fault.
00:51:26In some ways it is.
00:51:28People...
00:51:30have affairs.
00:51:33You couldn't have known.
00:51:39I was selfish.
00:51:41And now I have nothing.
00:51:50They're gone.
00:51:55They both died?
00:51:59No.
00:52:02Whitey survived.
00:52:04His hair bake went off.
00:52:11Little...
00:52:13Jimmy Jr.
00:52:21His chest got smashed.
00:52:35So sad.
00:52:37That's...
00:52:41not...
00:52:43even the sad part.
00:52:47The sad...
00:52:49part...
00:52:53is when he called me...
00:52:56while I was...
00:52:58with fucking Darren.
00:53:00And it's like...
00:53:03do I answer the phone?
00:53:05And...
00:53:07I have a question.
00:53:09Where am I?
00:53:13And when we finish...
00:53:15and we...
00:53:17go again...
00:53:19in the shower...
00:53:21and I can hear the phone ringing.
00:53:24So finally I'm like...
00:53:25what the fuck?
00:53:30When you listen to the message?
00:53:34Hours later...
00:53:38a lot of...
00:53:40time had passed.
00:53:47Then I...
00:53:48I...
00:53:52go to the hospital.
00:53:56It was too late.
00:54:02It was gone.
00:54:18How old was he?
00:54:20It was 12.
00:54:26Can you even believe that?
00:54:28Me with a 12 year old,
00:54:30almost a teenager.
00:54:32¿Qué pasa?
00:55:02¿Qué pasa?
00:55:32¿Qué pasa?
00:55:34¿Qué pasa?
00:55:36¿Qué pasa?
00:55:38¿Qué pasa?
00:55:40¿Qué pasa?
00:55:42¿Qué pasa?
00:55:44¿Qué pasa?
00:55:46¿Qué pasa?
00:55:48¿Qué pasa?
00:55:50¿Qué pasa?
00:55:52¿Qué pasa?
00:55:54¿Qué pasa?
00:55:56¿Qué pasa?
00:55:58¿Qué pasa?
00:56:00¿Qué pasa?
00:56:02¿Qué pasa?
00:56:06¿Qué pasa?
00:56:08¿Qué pasa?
00:56:10¿Qué pasa?
00:56:12¿Qué pasa?
00:56:14¿Qué pasa?
00:56:16¿Qué pasa?
00:56:18¿Qué pasa?
00:56:20¿Qué pasa?
00:56:30¿Qué pasa?
00:56:32¿Qué pasa?
00:56:34¿Qué pasa?
00:56:36Es muy depresado.
00:56:39No estoy depresado.
00:56:41No estoy anymore.
00:56:43¿You were?
00:56:45I was.
00:56:46I was for a long time.
00:56:49But after a lot of thinking...
00:56:52¿Did you talk to a therapist?
00:56:54No, of course not.
00:56:56We don't do things like that in Grand Falls.
00:56:59¿Meds?
00:57:01No.
00:57:03How did you ever get through all of that without therapists or meds?
00:57:08I wrote in a journal and cried.
00:57:13Cried a lot about where my life ended up and how sad it was.
00:57:22You felt sorry for yourself.
00:57:24Hey, maybe I'm not some rich art dealer
00:57:29who can afford years and years of therapy just to find out I'm selfish and need attention.
00:57:39So that's what Whitey's partner was about?
00:57:42Was it a long term thing or just one indiscretion?
00:57:48He was on the books for a long time before we did anything about it.
00:57:53On the books?
00:57:55No.
00:57:56On the books.
00:57:58Someone who you know you're gonna sleep with when you first meet.
00:58:02But for whatever reason or circumstance...
00:58:07You just...
00:58:09Don't.
00:58:11So you were into him.
00:58:14Caught up in him is more like it.
00:58:18He was attractive.
00:58:21Also married.
00:58:24So it seemed okay.
00:58:26That logic is called justification.
00:58:29Life's all justification.
00:58:32I mean, how else can you live with some of the things that you do?
00:58:40Coming up with an angle that you can live with.
00:58:45Convincing yourself that your bad decision is okay.
00:58:49We all do it.
00:58:51We all do.
00:58:53Maybe that's what life is all about.
00:58:56Looking for excitement and attention.
00:59:01We're all just selfish at the core.
00:59:05Yes, but under the caveat that being selfish is just how things are.
00:59:09You can't control or change it.
00:59:12No, I'm optimistic.
00:59:15Maybe I'll find a better life in a new location.
00:59:20I mean...
00:59:23It's gotta be better.
00:59:26You can't stay where all this happened, right?
00:59:31Sometimes you can be a different person in a different place.
00:59:36Right.
00:59:38And you have your philosophy that no matter where you go, there you'll be.
00:59:44I believe that, sure.
00:59:48You are a hypocrite.
00:59:53You know, I had you on this pedestal because you lived in California and you were successful.
01:00:05And I thought you were smarter than me and knew more.
01:00:08But now that I know you, you just keep spouting out all these life philosophies and they all contradict.
01:00:20Because I'm a hypocrite.
01:00:22Didn't you just call me that?
01:00:25I think it's all a cover.
01:00:29What do you mean?
01:00:32You say all these things and they make you sound smart and make you sound like you understand yourself and your life, but you don't.
01:00:47Why don't you tell me the truth, Richard?
01:00:50Do you even know what the truth is?
01:00:53Going back to the beginning was the only plan that made sense to me.
01:01:00Start over.
01:01:01Then maybe you can get it right the second time.
01:01:04You say you were selfish in L.A. and now you selfishly want to come back home and start over and bring an innocent woman and child into your selfishness.
01:01:16It's not like that.
01:01:18This is all a lie.
01:01:21Look, just because my dream isn't the same as yours doesn't make it less valid.
01:01:26You can comment on my life, but when the mirror is turned around, you can't take it on yourself.
01:01:34Sure I can.
01:01:36Breaking out of a bad relationship is one thing, but so bad you decide you want to be with women?
01:01:42Come on.
01:01:43What was bad enough for you to become this desperate?
01:01:48February 18th.
01:01:53Right.
01:01:54You said you cheated on Kyle, but that was the lifestyle, right?
01:02:01I suppose technically I cheated on him and he cheated on me.
01:02:05But none of that meant anything.
01:02:08I mean, we knew we'd come home to each other at the end of the day.
01:02:11You had the mutual understanding.
01:02:16He trusted me.
01:02:20And?
01:02:24And?
01:02:26Richard, what did you do?
01:02:30Hey, I told you everything about me.
01:02:35Things no one knows.
01:02:39I know.
01:02:43So, just tell me.
01:02:47Whatever it is.
01:02:49I picked up this guy at Bath House.
01:03:02They...
01:03:04They still have bath houses?
01:03:08Yeah.
01:03:09I'm sorry.
01:03:11I get, it's funny.
01:03:14It's just how it works.
01:03:16Hey, wait.
01:03:17You must have spent Valentine's Day with Kyle.
01:03:23So then a couple days later, you were with this stranger you met at a bath house.
01:03:31Yeah.
01:03:34See?
01:03:35I sound like this heartless human being.
01:03:38Tell me.
01:03:41We had sex.
01:03:51Bareback.
01:03:56Like...
01:03:59Anal?
01:04:00What do you think?
01:04:01Okay.
01:04:02He was HIV positive.
01:04:13Wow.
01:04:18Oh, no.
01:04:23Hundreds of times.
01:04:28You know, I'll make that thousands.
01:04:35I don't even know how many times I had sex before that night.
01:04:39You were with a lot of different men?
01:04:44It was just all fun and games at the time, you know?
01:04:49But you always practiced safe sex.
01:04:54Of course.
01:04:56Except Kyle, of course.
01:04:57I mean, we were...
01:04:59Married.
01:05:02Now I get what you're saying.
01:05:07And he just let it happen.
01:05:09I mean, I was faced the other way, you know?
01:05:12I knew he had rubbers, but I was kind of fucked up, and he was kind of fucked up.
01:05:17Richard, that's like...
01:05:21Rape.
01:05:22I know.
01:05:23An assault.
01:05:24I know.
01:05:29Did you want to kill him?
01:05:35Well, I didn't...
01:05:37I didn't realize until later.
01:05:43So you...
01:05:45went back to him?
01:05:47No.
01:05:48I didn't even know his name.
01:05:52In fact, he was...
01:05:54visiting from Montreal or something.
01:05:58It is so selfish of him.
01:06:02Selfish, right.
01:06:04Proving, yet again...
01:06:06that people are unbelievable.
01:06:09Well, I don't...
01:06:14I don't know if it was deliberate or...
01:06:17an accident or what happened.
01:06:19I'd like to believe it was an accident.
01:06:23So you're dying.
01:06:24The cocktail's taken with me, I'm fine.
01:06:33Fine.
01:06:36It was my fault.
01:06:41Completely.
01:06:46I was a selfish one.
01:06:51I wouldn't have been there with that guy if I wasn't being selfish.
01:06:53You...
01:06:55I had an open relationship.
01:06:59I know, but...
01:07:00And it was Kyle's idea.
01:07:03But I think he thought he had to.
01:07:06I mean, he knew I wasn't ready to settle down.
01:07:08He just did it for me.
01:07:10It was...
01:07:11It was a mistake.
01:07:14Yes, it was a mistake, but I know it was...
01:07:19my fault.
01:07:23I keep blaming him, but...
01:07:27I was the one who was reckless.
01:07:32Kyle loved me.
01:07:34He trusted me.
01:07:36And he loved me.
01:07:39And I totally blew it.
01:07:43And now I'm all alone.
01:07:46I have nothing.
01:07:54So maybe it isn't...
01:07:58attention...
01:08:00or selfishness that...
01:08:02drives us.
01:08:04What then?
01:08:06It all comes down to wanting to be loved.
01:08:10That's what the fairy tale really means, doesn't it?
01:08:15How we find love in the end.
01:08:19I don't know.
01:08:21I mean, maybe it is...
01:08:28all biological.
01:08:31With everything we know about DNA...
01:08:41I mean, think about it.
01:08:43Everyone you've ever been with...
01:08:46ever kissed...
01:08:48ever been intimate with...
01:08:51your DNA is left with them forever.
01:08:54We leave traces of ourselves.
01:09:01Maybe there's something to that.
01:09:04The way...
01:09:07DNA evidence is left on a victim...
01:09:11forever.
01:09:13Even if their bodies dug up later, it's still there.
01:09:20Literally.
01:09:22We leave pieces of ourselves...
01:09:25with each person...
01:09:27and them with us.
01:09:30The people who are close to become...
01:09:35part of us...
01:09:37forever.
01:09:41So...
01:09:43Kyle...
01:09:44woke up with you after all this?
01:09:47No, I left him.
01:10:03Wait...
01:10:06He was willing to stay with you after all this...
01:10:09and you left?
01:10:12Richard...
01:10:16That's what I was saying.
01:10:19That was my moment.
01:10:23When I suddenly realized I'd gone to the edge.
01:10:29Forget that.
01:10:31I fell over the edge.
01:10:33Crashed and burned.
01:10:38Suddenly life's not all fun and games anymore.
01:10:44Like my moment at the hospital.
01:10:47You see the bigger picture.
01:10:51Maybe it's out of our control.
01:10:54You mean like fate or something?
01:10:59That could just be more bullshit we're convincing ourselves of.
01:11:03I've become pretty good at believing my own justifications.
01:11:10Do you think you could ever get back with Whitey?
01:11:16Oh, come on.
01:11:20Yeah.
01:11:21Everybody makes mistakes.
01:11:26I mean, I know that was a pretty big mistake, but...
01:11:33He has to be hurting too.
01:11:35It was his son.
01:11:37He wants to get back together.
01:11:50Would you?
01:11:54Could you ever get past something traumatic like that?
01:11:58Maybe things could work out?
01:12:03Sometimes there's just...
01:12:09Too much history.
01:12:13Too much hurt.
01:12:16You know.
01:12:19Sometimes it's easier to move forward than to go back.
01:12:29You've messed up too much to ever make it right.
01:12:34Yeah.
01:12:37Sometimes a...
01:12:39Fresh start is what you have to do.
01:12:47You have no choice.
01:12:49It looks like maybe we're going to get out of here after all.
01:13:14It looks like...
01:13:19I know this move is the right thing for me.
01:13:44Me too.
01:13:48Well, I'm trapped inside again.
01:13:58But this time I know it's with you.
01:14:07And you'll take this piece of me.
01:14:13I'll take this piece of me.
01:14:20Am I alone in this world?
01:14:25Cause I can't help feel this way.
01:14:28Cause I can't help feel this way.
01:14:35I don't know how to say.
01:14:41That I need you to stay.
01:14:49Well, I'm moving forward then.
01:14:50I'm headed back again.
01:15:02Well, I'm moving forward then.
01:15:03I'm headed back again.
01:15:12I can't stop this feeling.
01:15:13I can't stop this feeling that I just can't seem too well.
01:15:27Am I alone in this world?
01:15:28Am I alone in this world?
01:15:37Cause I can't help feel this way.
01:15:42Am I alone in this world?
01:15:43Am I alone in this world?
01:15:44Am I alone in this world?
01:15:45I can't have something to do too well.
01:15:46I can't help feel this way.
01:15:48No sé cómo decir que necesito que te quedes
01:16:18No sé cómo decir que necesito
01:16:48No sé cómo decir que necesito
01:17:08No sé cómo decir que necesito
01:17:14No sé cómo decirlo
01:17:24No sé cómo decirlo
01:17:34Excuse me, but are you Richard?
01:17:42Richard Mack from Grand Falls?
01:17:46No, I'm Steve
01:18:04No sé cómo decirlo
01:18:34No sé cómo decirlo
01:18:42No sé cómo decirlo
01:18:44Gracias.
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