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00:00Previously on Sister Wives.
00:04We have a full offer.
00:05We're going to close on Coyote Pass soon.
00:07And it's for the whole thing.
00:15They were afraid to say hello to us or something.
00:17I have no idea.
00:19Why did this get so weird?
00:21There's not trust with me and Robin.
00:24There's not.
00:25After this experience, I feel ashamed, almost apologetic,
00:29that this was so awkward.
00:31I'm embarrassed by it.
00:34So I'm in New Orleans today.
00:35I think that's how you're supposed to say it.
00:37I grew up saying New Orleans, and I don't think that's right.
00:39You know, Cody turned 50, and all of a sudden,
00:41he started making all this noise about he
00:43was carrying the whole family.
00:45I got three ex-wives who are going, Cody changed,
00:47Cody changed, Cody changed.
00:48All right, I guess we all went through menopause together.
00:51And I just didn't want to do the hard work anymore.
00:59So I am in New Orleans, and I have a fun trip I planned
01:01with my girlfriends, and we're just here having a girls' weekend.
01:05This is so great.
01:10How pretty.
01:11I'm just celebrating, like, being free.
01:14The property's closed, like, it's free.
01:17I'm like, it's good, and we're just here having a girls' weekend.
01:19So I am in New Orleans, and I have a fun trip I planned with my girlfriends,
01:25and we're just here having a girls' weekend.
01:28girls weekend. This is so great. How pretty. I'm just celebrating like being free. The property's
01:33closed like it's free. I'm like it's good. Everything's good. I'm here with Alice who
01:39I've known for a long time at least 13 years probably. Christina and Angela are my friends
01:46from Flagstaff and I've known them a year or two. Cheers. Another beautiful night. Here's to Janelle
01:51getting a new man. Oh yes. I mean like they are really pushing the dating thing. It's fine.
01:58Whatever. I mean doesn't mean I have to act. We don't wear you out with all the questions. No I'm good.
02:03Yeah it's all good. That's how she rolls. Wait how did you tell your mom that you were going to be a
02:08polygamist? Well I wasn't even at that point. I was just kind of I was intrigued by him. So I was
02:14originally introduced the idea that polygamy was an option at the very end of high school. For a long
02:19time I just had my token polygamist friends that would like party something they would talk about
02:23at parties and I really made it a spiritual a spiritual thing. I prayed about it and I just
02:28really felt strongly that that was my life path. When I was yeah I was starting to talk to Cody and
02:35I'd met the family I was really intrigued. My mom's like oh heck no heck no heck no heck no. My mom
02:41came to save me and ended up marrying Cody's dad and that's it. If you can't beat him join him? I don't know.
02:48What? My mom came to save me from the polygamist because no daughter of hers was going to marry
02:53some into some crazy cult and she ended up marrying Cody's dad and they actually got married
02:58three months before we did. When they decided to get married I was like that's going to be a little
03:03hard to explain but all right. It was a little weird at first but I'm like okay it's great like
03:07somebody's here with me I guess you know because a lot of my family did not understand my choices.
03:12They were hesitant to still remain in contact with me just because they thought I'd gone off
03:17the deep end. Were there any other women that you guys had considered bringing into the family
03:23before Robin or after Robin even? No there there were there was one before me. Okay. That didn't work
03:30out. The wives always have a say if somebody is going to come into the family. It's not like the
03:36husband comes home and says hey here's my new wife that would never fly no no no no no. She dodged a
03:42bullet. To be honest with you Alice knows. It really was a beautiful honestly it was a beautiful marriage
03:50between all of them in the beginning. Like I would love to see some sort of like everyone's happy for
03:55each other and. Uh maybe in a decade. Listen Cody has a victim card and he likes to play it right.
04:04That's awesome. I think that people change right and especially in long marriages and when he turned
04:0950 that was a big deal for him. Something happened I think. He had a different perspective or something
04:15on his life and I think he just was like I don't know why I want to keep doing this right. I don't
04:19know if I want to keep putting all this effort into this family. I'm putting words in his mouth.
04:22Oh here comes their beautiful food. Yes. So this is the garlic block. Oh how pretty. Oh my god. It smells so good. You don't have any handsome farmers around us do you? Yeah. I wouldn't tell you. No. My children are grown. They are really essentially independent. For the first time ever I'm like wow I can do whatever I want. I can pick up and go with my girlfriends to Hawaii on a moment's notice or New Orleans on a moment's notice. I'm like
04:52you know we planned this a little bit but yeah like I kind of enjoy that and I kind of want to get back to
04:57finding that person in there who used to be a little more spontaneous.
05:00So Amber and I have been wanting to take a trip to Las Vegas. Have a seat. Tell me what you've gotten us into. I'm a little scared. Oh my gosh I'm a little scared. And I did find this dating event there and so I'm going to let her know that I found it and we're registered and we're going to go.
05:28Um maybe you could explain to me what it is that you've committed us to in Vegas of all places. Well I mean listen so it's not going to be like a speed dating thing like. What's it called? I don't know it's like Vegas girls or something like that.
05:46Are we going to end up strippers at the end of this? Do you want to end up strippers? No. I mean they make good money.
05:56The host of this event it's called Vegas girls events. What kind of girls in Vegas is this really?
06:02This is what's on social media about it.
06:06If you're ages 40 to 55 we're hosting a singles mixer with matchmaking technology.
06:10I mean that's perfect. 40 to 55. You're 40 I'm 54.
06:13Okay. It's a singles mixer. Keep going.
06:16Are you sick of the dating apps and looking for a real connection?
06:18Yes. Okay. I am totally sick of the dating apps.
06:20Yeah they suck. It will be fun.
06:23Dating at this age is weird.
06:25Bullshit.
06:26I had gone to a speed dating event in Salt Lake City a few months ago and I met Ron and he and I are still in touch.
06:33We're still talking. Yeah there's no pressure with me and Ron. We're just kind of seeing what happens.
06:39Okay so we have to bring white t-shirts.
06:41Why? What is this with white t-shirts?
06:43You don't know what white t-shirt? Spring break white t-shirt contests.
06:47Oh is that the same as a wet t-shirt contest? Is it wet or is it white?
06:51White gets wet and then you see all the things.
06:53So is it white? It's white because.
06:55Do you call it a white t-shirt or a wet t-shirt?
06:57If it's a white t-shirt but it's not wet it doesn't have the same effect as if it's a wet t-shirt that is white.
07:06If you wore black and you got it wet it wouldn't be the same thing so it's a white t-shirt contest.
07:11Let's just make sure though that when we send texts of this to each other we also put in emojis of eggplants.
07:23Of eggplants?
07:24Are you going to text me an eggplant if you're filling somebody?
07:30I better not be filling somebody's eggplants.
07:34I promise I'm not going to be filling an eggplant.
07:43You're nervous.
07:43Well, because dating is weird.
07:46Dating is weird.
07:47Oh, everything's fine.
07:51I'm confident.
07:52You're stressing me out.
07:53I feel like that I go into like first dates with very low expectations.
08:07And I know like at the very beginning it was like, oh, maybe this could be something or maybe this could, you know what I mean?
08:14Were you expecting to fill something right off the bat?
08:16I don't want to fill anything.
08:18Like the butterflies and stuff, like that's, that's what makes it like fun initially, you know?
08:28And so to not have that I would feel so bored.
08:31If you're bored most people will be like, oh, this is, this is not right.
08:36But is there a difference between bored and calm?
08:38Because I'm good with feeling calm.
08:40I'm not good with feeling bored.
08:42You know, like for me, like my relationship was so,
08:46it was very, very dysregulating.
08:49Yeah.
08:51Being married to him.
08:52Yeah.
08:53You know, because it was like, I never knew if or when I was going to have any attention.
08:58Yeah.
08:59And that, that kind of relationship obviously was not healthy.
09:05When somebody gets very excited and get the butterflies and you get like, oh my gosh,
09:09this is just so amazing.
09:11Was, is he ever going to be around?
09:13Is he going to show me affection and attention when he is around?
09:17When it's boring, it's just more grounded.
09:21You don't have that roller coaster of emotions.
09:25And so I knew, I never knew what to expect, you know?
09:28And I don't want to feel like that.
09:30Yeah.
09:31I can recognize, okay, I'm feeling calm.
09:34And I'm not like, oh my gosh, I need it so much.
09:39Hi, lovey.
09:40I'm really glad that Amber's with me and that we're doing this together.
09:45Yeah.
09:45I'm a little bit nervous about this one.
09:48Do you want a daddy?
09:50Do we find your daddy?
09:55Rob and I are going out to dinner and I got something really special that I want to talk to
09:58her about and I just started getting this sort of vibe that I need to go apologize.
10:04I was trying really hard not to give him too much reaction.
10:08He says a lot of things that may not even happen.
10:10I believe in eight and a half.
10:24We're going to go bowling today.
10:26To be honest with you, I haven't been bowling since...
10:28Well, I think Isabel was 12, I think, when I went bowling last.
10:33Okay, everything, oh my god, why would you do that?
10:36That's just horrible.
10:37I am honestly not a fan of bowling.
10:39I think it's terribly boring.
10:41But even if it's like something that you don't really like,
10:44just being with people that you really like is awesome.
10:46There you go, see?
10:55Close.
10:57Better.
10:57Wait, no.
11:03No, no.
11:06God, they're a lot.
11:08Julie and I, we still have our hugs like this.
11:11If she's in a bad mood, I'll be sarcastic to her and she'll snap out of it and we'll be just fine.
11:15Your shoes on tight.
11:18David, you're messing me up.
11:21So David is like very much a jokester.
11:24Wait, you run to put on?
11:26Oh my god.
11:27What?
11:31Where'd he go?
11:32Where'd he go?
11:33Got her, got her.
11:34Um, he doesn't take anything too seriously, which is very awesome.
11:39Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time this year,
11:43this is David from Steve Williams.
11:46When my mom and David first started dating,
11:49like it all happened like very fast.
11:50And I wasn't like used to another man in my mom's life.
11:54So I was really worried about what kind of role he would take up.
11:57I was worried mostly that he would like take up the role of dad in our family,
12:02which we have a dad.
12:03So I was like, I thought that he might like take up too much space.
12:10He doesn't do that.
12:11And he never oversteps.
12:12When you're throwing the arm down, you're turning this way.
12:22Turn it out a little bit.
12:23Okay.
12:24He's like very respectful.
12:26He's very respectful of my dad.
12:27He's very respectful of my mom and her kids and that she is a mom to us and that he is
12:33her husband and not her dad.
12:35And so like that's a hard thing to balance, especially like if your dad isn't like very
12:40like prevalent in like your life.
12:44What?
12:45Isabel!
12:46Honey!
12:48Oh, she got a spare.
12:50Um, my dad and I do not talk very often.
12:53No.
12:55Yeah.
12:58My dad and I are like close, close, close, close, close, close, close.
13:01But I mean, he's still my dad and I love him.
13:05Woo!
13:06Oh, there she goes.
13:07She's dialing in.
13:08Oh, one left.
13:12Like I've realized like how much of like a role my mom has in my life.
13:16I mean, she's two people in one.
13:18She can be the dad and she can be the mom and she's perfect at it.
13:22And so, and then David's awesome too.
13:26Good job.
13:26Oh my God.
13:28I fell for her.
13:29Aww.
13:29Yeah, no, no, it's important to me to have my kids see me in a full functioning relationship.
13:35And a loving and romantic and fun and silly.
13:38And I love that my kids get to be exposed to a great couple like us, honestly.
13:42Okay.
13:43Everybody ready?
13:44One, two, three.
13:45Cheers!
13:45Yay!
13:46I think it took.
13:59I can't share with you in and not a problem.
14:03Oh, I know.
14:05Rob and I are going out to dinner and have a special night to a great place.
14:09And I got something really special that I want to talk to her about.
14:13So I got this idea that I've been thinking about a lot and it's more than an idea.
14:19Everything that went down with trying to sell Coyote Pass, I was like having traumatic responses to
14:31what felt like still being a connection to these exes that made me feel manipulated and unsafe.
14:38Yeah.
14:39Right?
14:39I'm just trying to make people happy.
14:42After the Sella Coyote Pass, I had this experience where I just felt like I was disappointed.
14:50The real factor is, is that I felt shame.
14:56All right.
14:56Well, we're, looks like it's all coming together.
15:01All right.
15:01I'm glad it's done.
15:03Glad, glad it's finally done.
15:04We finally get it done.
15:06We meet with them and it's just awkward.
15:15I wasn't getting along with ex-wives.
15:17I had had so much venom and vitriol toward them.
15:21As I look back on it, the only part of it that I control is my own behavior and my own actions.
15:25And I'm like, well, if I would have done that better, then we wouldn't have all this angsty distrust.
15:32You know, after that whole experience, it was still just weird at Coyote Pass.
15:37And then you talking to, to me about getting therapy, I kind of got just prayerfully tuned in,
15:44trying to go, okay, God, what should I do about this mess that I'm in and how I feel?
15:48And I just started getting this sort of vibe that I need to go apologize.
16:01Just with what I need to own about the breakups, about how things happen with the family.
16:10I don't know how to say this just straight as I can.
16:14I want them to, I want to set them free, just get them to
16:19stop thinking, talking, being about me.
16:22So how are you going to do that?
16:23I go and apologize.
16:28Because I'm angry and I'm just sick of it.
16:32Um, I was, when he first told me that he wanted to meet with it, with the exes and
16:39apologized, I was like, kind of, sort of shocked.
16:43And I was trying really hard not to give him too much reaction because I was just like,
16:47I was processing it. He says a lot of things that may not even happen, so.
16:54I want to apologize for being angry when they wanted out.
16:58I don't think you should be so hard on yourself about being hurt. That's pretty normal.
17:03But here's the thing, because I got angry, I caused other hurtful issues.
17:09Like this is an apology to all three of you. I don't want to do it at the same time or anything
17:13like that. I don't want you to get some funny idea where I'm going to meet with all three of them.
17:17I just want to, yeah, because I think that would set me up for just total failure.
17:22Um, it, there's a lot of...
17:26Are you hearing what I'm saying though, that this, the idea of this apology?
17:29Yeah.
17:29I didn't mean to interrupt your thought, but I'm not sure if I've made myself clear. I seldom do.
17:35Before, I know you've got some other thoughts, but the first thing I want to ask is, do you think that's
17:39dumb? Do you think it's, I mean, not dumb, I mean like foolish.
17:51Oh!
17:52I have had men kind of joke about like, oh, I get a bunch of women.
17:57Cheers to...
17:59Finding our soulmates.
18:00Finding your soulmate.
18:01I didn't choose polygamy, just for the sex.
18:04Oh, look at all my people there.
18:06Yay!
18:07Oh, thanks!
18:08I thought that was awesome.
18:17This is our last day in New Orleans, and I want to make sure we maximize
18:21the things that we can do here.
18:23Like, if I was a sister wife, I would just look at the other wives as best friends.
18:28Yeah, I mean, that's great if that happens.
18:30I would be too jealous. Like, I could not do the multiple wives. Like, I'm a Latina,
18:36so I'm already jealous enough.
18:39Well, look, I didn't grow up thinking, oh, I'm going to live this life. Like, when I was,
18:42I mean, it was such a strong religious conviction. And so I kind of went into it thinking we were
18:46going to all be best friends, you know, and this utopia thing. And then the first week or two,
18:51Mary and I, it didn't mesh well.
18:53I think I went in so idealistic thinking, oh, this is going to be awesome, you know.
19:01And the conflict started, like, almost immediately. And I thought, okay,
19:05this is very different than what I thought it was going to be.
19:07There was never, like, an exit plan.
19:11I was committed to my faith, and I'm like, yep, I'm going to figure this out.
19:14Do you feel like there's going to be a day where you're completely separated
19:18from the entire family except your immediate family?
19:21I think we'll always be a family, like, really, truly.
19:24Because now the next generation's coming, and Kelsey and Tony now live in North Carolina.
19:28Okay.
19:29So those babies are going to come to me in the summer.
19:30I think we might have discussed that for a minute.
19:32I'm going to have to just tell her that's what it's going to be.
19:34Would you ever go to counseling with Cody and Robin to try to fix anything?
19:38No, I don't like them.
19:40Yeah?
19:41Oh, no.
19:44Why? Why? There's no point of that. No, why would I need to do that?
19:48Now that we really know all these things that, how you feel, I think it's going to be so much
19:53easier for you just to move on and get past everything and really release, you know?
19:58Look, a spiritual release is not something I've really thought about.
20:02But when Mary told me she was, that she had gotten one, I'm like, oh, I could?
20:07I think for a long time, at least the first couple years, I'm like, I don't even want to think about it.
20:11And now I'm kind of like, okay, what do I need to do here to, like, finally really put this, like,
20:16end this, like, completely?
20:18Obviously, there's no legal marriage.
20:19And so there's no legal divorce.
20:21Like, you don't have to get a divorce.
20:23But a spiritual release is essentially being released from the spiritual covenant you made to be married.
20:29I just need to make sure all the little pieces are in place.
20:33But now I'm like, you know, I think it's time to kind of really cut all those ties with Cody.
20:38So that's become, it's become more of a thing in my brain now.
20:42Because I don't, I want to cut that final tie.
20:44Whether I imagine that it's there or I feel that it's there, whatever,
20:48I just maybe need to make sure and cut all the ties.
20:52I don't want to like, you know, so what if my religion is right and I wake up and I'm in heaven
20:55and I'm married to him, I'm like, oh, hell, I'm not having that happen.
20:58Do you know what I mean?
20:59So she's going to be like, send me back, send me back.
21:03I don't want to be married to him anymore.
21:04You know what I mean?
21:10It's a fairly legal club.
21:11Kind of like polygamy.
21:13Yeah.
21:13Marvin Street is a different animal at night for sure.
21:17This is Janelle out of the shell.
21:19Janelle in the wild.
21:20My girlfriends are like, we should throw beads, we should dance.
21:23And I'm like, I don't know.
21:24Do you know, I was raised in such a conservative culture.
21:32We didn't drink, we didn't smoke, no premarital sex, nothing.
21:36It was so conservative.
21:37And here we are basically in New Orleans participating kind of in like Mardi Gras,
21:41which is really fun, a big party.
21:48You're bolder in the dark, right?
21:50Oh, here we go.
21:52There's so many people down there.
21:54I thought that was awesome.
22:08Yeah, I thought it was awesome.
22:10Like a couple of guys are like, oh, they're flashes.
22:11And I'm like, yeah, okay.
22:12There we go.
22:19So this was really a fun experience.
22:21I'm like, oh, there's a lot for me to still experience in this world.
22:30I was so hurt, so angry that I took a knife and I swung it so hard I cut myself.
22:37I just want to be more benevolent.
22:39And I'm not. I'm kind of a, I don't want to say,
22:42asshole, but I'm like, I have asshole potential.
22:46You can be rough, for sure.
23:01There you go.
23:02It's like I've never opened a wine bottle before.
23:04And I know you have.
23:07Amber and I got to Vegas.
23:09We've got a little charcuterie, a little wine, our favorite things.
23:12So good conversation.
23:14Good friend.
23:15This is awesome.
23:16Cheers to finding our soulmates.
23:19Finding your soulmate.
23:20I'm rooting for you tonight.
23:22I know.
23:22I mean, you know.
23:23I know.
23:24I'm going.
23:24We all need to find our soulmates.
23:26That's true.
23:26Okay.
23:26To finding our soulmate.
23:27Okay.
23:28And it doesn't have to be tonight.
23:29It's just whenever.
23:30Just finding our soulmates.
23:31But sometime soon.
23:32Because freaking me out.
23:33I'm tired of waiting.
23:34Okay.
23:34One, two, three.
23:35Cheers.
23:39Now let's go find our soulmates.
23:42I don't look at myself as being incomplete if I don't have a partner.
23:49My partner will just add to the amazingness that I already am.
23:55Mayor?
23:58Yeah?
23:59Question.
24:00Yeah?
24:01What if the guy that you like's name is Cody?
24:04What?
24:05Yeah.
24:06What?
24:06What if the guy that you like tonight, his name is Cody?
24:12How do you feel about that?
24:13I basically just rolled my eyes at you and looked away.
24:16I mean, I kind of rolled my eyes when I asked it.
24:18There's a few names that I think I would just pass on, and that is one of them.
24:24What are the other names?
24:25Christine's husband, David.
24:27I feel like that would be really weird.
24:29Yeah.
24:29You know what I mean?
24:30Mm-hmm.
24:31I mean, it's great for Christine.
24:33I am so happy for her that she has a David.
24:35And for that reason, I cannot.
24:38What if he wants to try polygamy?
24:40No, I'm not interested in polygamy.
24:42I've done that, and I don't want to do it.
24:46So, like, if you matched with somebody and you got to the end, and, like, that you guys were totally
24:50vibing, and you found out that they were polygamists, it would be done.
24:53Like, he actually had wives?
24:55Yeah.
24:56No.
24:56No.
24:57100% no.
24:58I have had men kind of joke about, like, ooh, I get a bunch of women.
25:03No, not interested in you.
25:05When we started it, like, when Cody and I got married, it was about, like, it was part of our
25:10belief structure.
25:11That's what I believed.
25:12That's what I thought was right for me, you know?
25:14Yeah.
25:15And I don't have that belief anymore.
25:17I didn't choose polygamy just for the sex or the lack thereof, either way.
25:29But in all seriousness, though, like, I chose it for a purpose.
25:33There was the religious background.
25:35I was fully invested in Cody and my sister wives and our family.
25:41Like, there was a purpose to it.
25:43I don't believe that anymore.
25:46Maybe I'll get to heaven and find out that I was wrong.
25:49Maybe I won't get to heaven at all.
25:51I don't even know.
25:52But it's not something that I believe in or subscribe to anymore.
25:57So, no, I'm not choosing to live polygamy again.
26:01Okay, so what are you hoping for?
26:03Um, tonight?
26:04Yeah.
26:05Um, I'm not looking for a feeling.
26:09So you're looking for a friend?
26:10Well, I mean, I want more than a friend.
26:13You're looking for a friend that you're physically attracted to.
26:16I really want somebody who's going to cheer me on in all my endeavors.
26:20Like, I just really want just a very grounded, hey, we can talk.
26:26We laugh.
26:26We communicate.
26:28That's what I'm looking for.
26:30Are you okay with this tonight?
26:31Are you good?
26:32Yeah.
26:32Are you comfortable?
26:33Yeah, I think I'm worried.
26:36Why are you worried?
26:37Because I think there are going to be red flags.
26:39We're here.
26:40We're invested.
26:41And also, I don't know what to expect with it.
26:44And I am a little bit nervous.
26:47Do you need wine right now?
26:48Yeah, let's do wine.
26:49Sounds great.
26:51Are you?
26:53Yeah.
26:54You're good.
26:54Do you need more?
26:55Yeah, let's do more.
26:56Okay.
26:56Are you?
27:09Sometimes I feel like if I weigh in too fast on some of his creative ideas,
27:13I can influence it in a negative way or a positive way.
27:17This specifically would be something that Cody would need to own a hundred million thousand percent.
27:23I don't think anytime someone wants to say I'm sorry for X, Y, and Z to someone else,
27:32if they feel like they've hurt them, it's wrong.
27:36I don't want to apologize for what I've been accused of.
27:39I want to apologize for what I know I've done.
27:43Right.
27:44I don't know what kind of order, when I will do this.
27:47I don't know how long it'll take me to do it.
27:50These apologies are an obligation to my conscience.
27:53I don't know if we'll get healing out of it.
27:55I can hope we would.
27:57The thing I'm feeling is kind of like I've got a pilgrimage.
28:01So is there anything specifically you're sort of thinking about as far as things you want to mention?
28:09One thing that I was very serious about when I said it.
28:16Yeah.
28:17But then I felt really like it was really crappy to say a year or two later was that I never loved him.
28:27When you said that, it shook me hard.
28:32Did you feel betrayed by it or something?
28:34It took me a minute.
28:35I was like, do I not know who he is?
28:38Did I, was I deceived?
28:40Because it was a really big deal to me when I was growing up.
28:45You see it all the time in our church where there would be a man with multiple wives and there would be this like a wife that was just absolutely unloved, you know?
28:57And like just the devastation of a woman trying to sit there and like be in a marriage where not only is she sharing her husband and going through that whole process of sharing all the resources and sharing his love and time and attention.
29:17But also just completely not being considered and not loved and not taken care of.
29:24And that's wrong.
29:26So when you said, I never loved them.
29:34That wasn't, in fact, it makes me sad to think that I said it.
29:40It was one of the things that was one of the things that made me fall in love with you.
29:45So when you said it, I was just like, what the hell?
29:49He's also talking about apologizing for saying he never loved them.
29:53And I was like, hallelujah.
29:56Thank you, Jesus.
29:57Because I'm just, I, like, what?
30:03Yeah, it just did not, it was not the truth that I knew.
30:06And I know it wasn't the truth that they knew.
30:10And I just felt really bad for the kids and going, oh, you have no idea the kind of pain you're causing right here.
30:16I was so hurt, so angry that I took a knife and I swung it so hard I cut myself.
30:25I just want to be more benevolent.
30:27And I'm not.
30:28I'm kind of a, I don't want to say asshole, but I'm like, I have asshole potential.
30:34You could be, you can be rough for sure.
30:36I do understand wanting more peace.
30:39I'm glad you like it.
30:41Yeah, I think it has the potential of being really, really beautiful.
30:48There's a possibility that my apology would be like, not only not accepted, but completely rejected.
30:56And I'm going to be a bulldozer, not in the sense of being unkind, but in the sense of not being taken off my track, no matter what the pushback is.
31:09And there could be some serious pushback.
31:19So now that this property is done, your dad reached out to me.
31:22He's like, I want to come out and go to dinner with you.
31:23And I'm like, why? It's...
31:26Do you think he wants something or do you think he wants to extend the offer?
31:29Yeah, I don't know.
31:30Like, it was so strange.
31:31And I'm glad it came after the property deal.
31:34I'm glad that's all done.
31:36It sounds like an emotional, like, he's not in your life anymore.
31:39So he now wants to put himself back in your life.
31:51Does anybody else want more coffee?
31:53I could probably do, like, a half a cup.
31:57Okay.
31:58You two out.
31:59Out, out, out, out.
31:59Out, yo, you out, out.
32:01Wow.
32:02Excuse me.
32:03Try that again.
32:04Are you seven going on eight or what?
32:06I think so.
32:08So now that this property is done, your dad reached out to me.
32:14He's like, I want to come out to Raleigh and go to dinner with you.
32:18And I'm like, why?
32:21He said, I just want to extend the olive branch.
32:25I don't know what he wants, but it's...
32:27Do you think he wants something or do you think he wants to extend the olive branch?
32:30Yeah, I don't know.
32:31Like, it was so strange.
32:33And I'm glad it came after the property deal.
32:35I'm glad that's all done.
32:37Yeah.
32:38You know what I mean?
32:38It sounds like an emotional, like, he's not in your life anymore.
32:42So he now wants to put himself back in your life.
32:45I suspect it has something to do with the family and the kids.
32:48But I'm like, you don't need me.
32:50We're not friends.
32:52I'm not going to facilitate for you.
32:54Do you know what I mean?
32:56There is a lot in the family that could be better.
33:00The family unit.
33:01Like, I mean, families can be apart, but still have cohesion.
33:06Like, parents can split.
33:08It would be a lot for Cody to sort of make amends.
33:10But I don't know.
33:12We'll see what he says.
33:14Do you think for you there would ever be...
33:20I think there could be forgiveness.
33:23I mean, it seems so far out there for him to have a relationship with you guys again.
33:30I am open to, like, reconciliation, forgiveness, and just closure.
33:35But if he ever wanted to be let back into our lives, there would need to be a pattern.
33:40Of consistency.
33:42That's true.
33:43Well, is there something that you hope will come of the relationship?
33:47No, I don't have...
33:48No, just like an amicable...
33:49No, like, I mean, like, I think we're pretty...
33:51When we have to work together, like, dealt...
33:52Because, like, we had to deal quite a bit with each other the last couple weeks before the property
33:57had settled down.
33:57Did you have to, or was that just like...
34:00I was proactively trying to keep it managed, keep it moving along.
34:03And he did call me a couple of times.
34:05And he called the check on me on the anniversary of Garrison's death.
34:09And on his birthday, he called the check on me.
34:11And I actually thought about calling him.
34:12But I'm like, I don't...
34:14Is that weird?
34:14I don't know.
34:15But it was fine.
34:15Like, it was all fine.
34:16So...
34:16Maybe he does just want to extend it all over Branch.
34:22Yeah, maybe.
34:23So he can walk you down the aisle on your next wedding.
34:26Yeah, no.
34:28No.
34:30I don't really have much desire to see Robin.
34:32But, I mean, I guess I could go to dinner with him, sure.
34:41Like, someone could look great on paper and be completely emotionally unavailable.
34:45I just don't want to deal with somebody that doesn't have the emotional maturity.
34:49And that's really hard to know.
34:52Honestly, there's some stuff that I thought that I had dealt with enough.
34:56Yeah.
34:56Um, after my divorce.
34:59And then when you go back into a relationship, you realize, oh, maybe I haven't dealt with that.
35:04I dealt with it right what I thought.
35:06So I walked out of my marriage very much.
35:08And like, that's how I operated was like anxious attachment.
35:10Right.
35:11I like to think that I'm more secure now
35:14and can identify those red flags now.
35:15Mm-hmm.
35:17But I don't know.
35:18Well, here's the thing.
35:19But how do you know?
35:20And then I get attached.
35:21And so I'm an all-in person.
35:24You know this about me.
35:25Mm-hmm.
35:25I am too.
35:26I know you are.
35:26I don't.
35:27We're one-man women.
35:28Yeah.
35:29Like, you know?
35:30Yeah.
35:31I'm the type of person that my very first instinct is to believe the words that come out of your mouth.
35:38But also, I've had, you know, this experience of many, many years of not being,
35:47I mean, basically, I would say I was lied to.
35:51I would.
35:52I would say I was lied to.
35:53Like, I never want to be like, I need to have somebody.
35:57And I don't feel like I'm at that place.
35:58I don't get that vibe from you at all.
36:00No.
36:00There's been time between your divorce.
36:03Mm-hmm.
36:05And stuff shows that, like, you're not just looking for anybody.
36:08Yeah.
36:09No, I want a man who understands that it is a privilege to be in my space.
36:13Yeah.
36:14And I'm worthy of being treated well by him.
36:20My biggest problem with the way that Cody handled our separation was that he didn't communicate it with me.
36:31And then when he did communicate it, he said it was all a lie.
36:36So either way, my whole life was a lie.
36:40Cheers to finding men that are okay with having some freaking self-respect.
36:44Yeah, for sure.
36:45So moving forward into finding a potential relationship, like, that's one of the things that I'm like,
36:53okay, is this you?
36:55Is this real you?
36:56Are you going to change your mind later?
36:58Are you going to lie about it later?
37:00That was like a 30-year experience of, was it a lie, was it not a lie?
37:04Oh my gosh, okay.
37:15What is your face doing?
37:17When I look in the mirror, I see somebody who's definitely more confident than I have been in a really long time.
37:28Is this a Vegas thing or what?
37:29It must be a Vegas fun house thing.
37:33There's still parts of me that kind of fight the imposter syndrome.
37:37And it's like, hmm, am I worthy of this?
37:40Am I good enough for this?
37:42Am I going to be chosen or selected?
37:44Or does anybody care what I say?
37:46And I'm not even speaking just dating, right?
37:48But like, do people want to hear what I say?
37:50Do I have something valuable to offer?
37:55Damn right you do.
37:57This is so dumb.
37:58All right, well, okay.
37:59Okay, that was fine.
38:01We had a good time.
38:19I'm in North Carolina right now.
38:21I'm traveling here to meet with Janelle.
38:25There's been in the past so much animosity that I'm just like, hey, it's time to literally bury the hatchet.
38:36I am here to apologize.
38:40I haven't reached out to Christine or Mary yet.
38:42My heart isn't soft enough to actually apologize to them yet.
38:46The devil gets in your head, you know, like, Father in heaven, I need some help here.
38:51Because me, this jack wagon, I'm just an asshole to most people.
38:56And I really don't want to do that anymore.
38:59I never thought I was until I got divorced.
39:01I thought everybody liked me.
39:04And then when, you know, the three people you thought you were the superhero for says,
39:09you're an asshole.
39:12What are you talking about?
39:13You're the asshole.
39:14It's an effort to just say, have a great, I don't even know how to say it.
39:22I don't even know what to say, really.
39:25I was emotionally in the state of a 12-year-old, I guess, when the breakups happened.
39:34And so instead of going, live your best life and be at peace, I was really, really angry.
39:43And with more of an attitude of, why are you interrupting and destroying my peace?
39:52And that wasn't the right attitude to have.
39:54The reason I'm going to Janelle first is simply because there's so much less toxicity.
39:59There's so much less for me to forgive.
40:02It's easier for me to go ask forgiveness.
40:09I know this was wrong, what I did.
40:11And I know this was wrong, what I did.
40:13And I know this was wrong, what I did.
40:15And I apologize because I hurt you.
40:18And that, for that, I wish I had never done that.
40:25I'm on the right path.
40:27I have something that I think is a righteous course.
40:32I'm looking forward to Janelle coming here and looking forward to laying it all out bare with what I've done.
40:41Next time on Sister Wives.
40:47Hello.
40:48Hello.
40:49Hi.
40:50Are you guys ready to find love?
40:51Well, yes, actually.
40:52Sure.
40:53I know that these days with dating, it's very complicated.
40:57It's not what it used to be.
40:59I feel bad for people that are having to go through this process now.
41:02I feel so hypocritical, but I don't want to talk to Cody ever again.
41:08I don't trust anything that comes out of his mouth.
41:10Why would I put myself in that situation?
41:12No.
41:14I'm on a pilgrimage to apologize to my ex-wives.
41:18I get a little bit nervous thinking that it could go really, really wrong.
41:24Why?
41:24Like, I mean, why now?
41:26Is this going to be even for real?
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