- 2 hours ago
- #theblamegame
- #realityinsighthub
The Blame Game Season 23 Episode 2
#TheBlameGame
#RealityInsightHub
🎞 Please subscribe to our official channel to watch the full movie for free, as soon as possible. ❤️Reality Insight Hub❤️
👉 Official Channel: />👉 THANK YOU ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
#TheBlameGame
#RealityInsightHub
🎞 Please subscribe to our official channel to watch the full movie for free, as soon as possible. ❤️Reality Insight Hub❤️
👉 Official Channel: />👉 THANK YOU ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Music
00:04Music
00:12Music
00:18Music
00:20Music
00:26Music
00:28Music
00:30Hello, hello and welcome to The Blame Game, the show that has more laughs than Nigel Farage has people talking to him at a school reunion.
00:40I'm Tim McGarry and our regular panellists are Colin Murphy, Diona Daugherty and Neil Delamere.
00:48And our special guest tonight is a uniquely brilliant comedian known for his superb one-liners, his surreal flights of fancy and his inability to comb his hair.
01:02You'll know him from Mock the Week and loads of other TV shows but it's his first time on The Blame Game so please give a lovely warm welcome to the fabulous Milton John!
01:10Some English guests turn up on The Blame Game without knowing much about Northern Ireland but fear not for we have now introduced the Blame Game English Guest Induction Kit.
01:26Last week we sent Milton a box of Tito cheese and onion, a bottle of Buckfast and ten episodes of Give My Head Peace.
01:33Milton now knows the difference between a flag and a flag.
01:38He knows that a peeler is nothing to do with potatoes and that this show will be judged as a success if it passes off peacefully.
01:46So what is our first question tonight? Our first question tonight is asked by Josh from Bangor. Hi Josh.
01:53Hi there. Who's the blame for spending our money?
01:57Yes, it was Budget Week. Over in Britain they debated tax thresholds, cash ISA limits and pension contributions.
02:04In Northern Ireland we simply asked, how much did we squeeze out of the Brits this time?
02:10And the answer is we got an extra 370 million quid and half of Northern Ireland went, yo, that's Casement Park sorted.
02:17In the budget the two child cap was lifted. Good to see Rachel Reeves looking after the Catholics.
02:26But there was consternation in North Downe with the introduction of a mansion tax for properties worth over 2 million pounds.
02:35Yes, many residents of Coutreau are worried sick that their houses might not be worth that much.
02:44But who can we blame for spending our money?
02:47Yeah, can you believe so? Rachel Reeves announced the budget and just before she did it, like you said, the OBR leaked it.
02:52So somebody accidentally published that too early. I hope there's an investigation.
02:56There's a young lad in a room somewhere.
02:58Go on, I didn't mean to do it. I press the button.
03:01It says in your CV you worked in Northern Ireland before you were here.
03:03Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What did you do in Northern Ireland?
03:05I was responsible for the database with all the police names and addresses.
03:14So there's good news and bad news.
03:15So the good news is that they've frozen the fuel duty, the duty on fuel.
03:19If there's anybody from South Arman in the audience, fuel duty is what other people pay on diesel, OK?
03:30So that's kind of good news. Bad news is there's still a demographic time bomb
03:32because there's too many pensioners and there's not enough workers to pay the pensions of pensioners.
03:36And Rachel Reeves said, oh, well, we've taken all the hard decisions and they haven't really
03:39because it's fairly easy to cut the number of pensioners if you really want to.
03:43All you have to do is make electric cars quieter.
03:49You can't deny that's not funny halfway through. You can't go, haha, oh, actually, no, my God.
03:58No, no, I mean, that would solve the issue, but it's it.
04:01No, so that's one of the things they could do. Now, what was weird is she didn't take a drink.
04:04Did you see this? You know you were allowed to see the only time that you were allowed drink
04:09on the floor of the House of Commons is when you were the Chancellor given the budget, right?
04:12Really? Yes. I just think it would be very interesting to watch her slowly get pissed.
04:16So she starts off, we have lifted 400,000 children out of child poverty.
04:20And then like an hour later, and then another thing.
04:24Yeah, I'm going to take the two child cap benefit that's gone or the tag tax, as I like to call it.
04:31So I suppose another win for Boris Johnson the prick.
04:36It would just be amazing to watch her do that.
04:39What I didn't enjoy was, Cammy Bade not gotten this run, and then when she would say, she went taxes,
04:44and the Tories behind her went up.
04:46And then she said government spending, and they went up.
04:49And then everything she said, they went up. And then she did the same for down.
04:52So it was a bit like, it was welfare, up, unemployment, up.
04:55And I kind of thought, I want to do that. I want to do that with the audience.
04:58So when I point to you, I want you to go down, right?
05:01Because this is what they did yesterday. She went growth.
05:03Dying.
05:04Wow, they're good, aren't they?
05:05That was amazing.
05:06OK, investment.
05:07Dying.
05:08Credibility of the Chancellor.
05:10Dying.
05:11Best type of duvet.
05:13Dying.
05:14Depressed people feel.
05:17Dying.
05:19Snobs that live in North.
05:24The best way you could earn a few bob if you're here, by the way, is if you are a Protestant,
05:29you can apply for a job in the zoo.
05:31Yes.
05:32So, now, they'll take anybody, but they're underrepresented, and they want Protestants males.
05:37To apply.
05:39To apply.
05:40Yeah, well, I didn't mean to be in the zoo.
05:43Do you have to prove you're Protestant in the interview?
05:46You just have to be like, yeah, absolutely, my favourite song is simply the best.
05:49And there is a photograph of my toaster in the cupboard.
05:51And, like, you know, I think that, obviously, there's never been, there's not hardly that
05:58many Protestant men must enter the zoo at all.
06:00They probably do keep one of them in a cage knowing for us all to go have a wee juket.
06:04Press a wee button and you just hear David Attenborough there, like, here lies a rarely spotted
06:10Protestant male with his eyes just that little bit too far apart.
06:16These creatures work terrifically well together throughout the entire sunny month of July.
06:23These note the nasal in sound, aye, that only the other males understand.
06:29And observe his strong calves from decades of marching down the sandy road.
06:35The houses thing now, the £2 million, I was intrigued by that too.
06:40Right.
06:41I thought, do we have property here that qualifies for this, right?
06:44And I looked at them, and right now, you can do it at home.
06:47If you look up the Property News website, any of them, and there are nine houses here
06:52that are priced over two million squid.
06:54Is that all?
06:55Nine, and they're all in Coltrough.
06:57One of them is right on the sea.
06:58One of them is right down in Belfast Loch, Milton, and it's right there.
07:01And there's a beautiful view over Belfast Loch to Carrickfergus.
07:07Seriously, if you're buying a house for 2.9 million, that's what this one's on at,
07:112.9 million, you do not want to be looking at Carrickfergus and a Stenna Ferry.
07:15Do you know what I mean?
07:16What's...
07:17Oi, look at this beautiful view here.
07:18This is amazing.
07:19Look, there's a...
07:20What's that guy?
07:21Oh, he's mooning from the...
07:22Oh, yeah.
07:23From the ferry.
07:24Oh!
07:25I always think, though, finances are very difficult to understand.
07:29Like, my whole name is Milton 79 Heathfield Road Jones,
07:33because my dad thought you could save tax by putting your house
07:36in your son's name.
07:38LAUGHTER
07:39APPLAUSE
07:46You know, you're saying Stenna Line there, my stepson years ago
07:50was doing, like, a wee bio on himself in school, like, your favourite...
07:53your favourite food, your favourite country, whatever.
07:55And he had to write his favourite song, and he had written the word
07:58Stenna Line beside it, and I was like, mate, that's a boat.
08:01And he was like, it's a song.
08:02And I was like, prove it then.
08:03And he went, ugh.
08:04Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, Stenna Line.
08:07LAUGHTER
08:09Carrick-Fergus is concerned about itself, though, because the
08:16councillors have voted to change the name of one of their streets,
08:20Prince Andrew Way, and they decided we'd better change this,
08:24and they've changed it to Savile Row.
08:27LAUGHTER
08:30Weird.
08:32Here, a great way of earning some extra money, too,
08:35is to be a PSNI officer at the minute, because a report
08:39came out this week saying that there's loads of them
08:41have earned so much overtime.
08:42Some of them have earned, like, 50, 55 grand a year,
08:45because they're doing loads of overtime.
08:47I think they love it.
08:49Do you know what I mean?
08:50Like, a wee call comes in for, like, a riot, and they're like,
08:52oh, no, oh, what are we gonna deny?
08:56And then they just, like, log it as new conservatory.
08:58Like, they're buzzing.
09:00They're standing on the outskirts of a parade, like,
09:02don't you boys be rioting now or we'll be here all day.
09:06LAUGHTER
09:07But you would think, it's because there's not enough
09:09police officers, they're spread then, but you would think
09:11with the success of Blue Lights, it would, like, encourage people.
09:15LAUGHTER
09:17That's not the joke.
09:19LAUGHTER
09:21The joke is to let anybody into Blue Lights.
09:25LAUGHTER
09:26Not anybody.
09:27LAUGHTER
09:30Not anybody.
09:31APPLAUSE
09:34Not anybody.
09:35Sorry, not anybody.
09:36Tim, not anybody.
09:37Oh, no, go on with that.
09:38LAUGHTER
09:39I think the police could have as much money as they want.
09:42They do an incredible job.
09:44I mean, they hold terrorists indefinitely,
09:47which is a very long hug.
09:49LAUGHTER
09:50And, er, are they king penguins at Belfast Zoo?
09:55Because I saw David Attenborough do a piece about how they
09:58marched right across the Arctic, so presumably all of them
10:01are Protestants.
10:03LAUGHTER
10:05And also seals as well, because they sound like Ian Paisley.
10:09laughter
10:17Laugh!
10:18See, that induction coursework didn't they?
10:20firing
10:26Here, talking about the cops.
10:28But the cops, I'll tell you the funniest thing I've ever seen
10:30involving the guard, eh?
10:31What's that?
10:31I was out walking the dog near Mountjoy Prison
10:33and the guards were arresting a fella
10:35who'd flown his drone into a tree
10:38and there was drugs underneath the drone in a pouch
10:4025 feet stuck up in the tree, the drone was.
10:42There's one guard here, he's been arresting a young fella
10:44and there's another guard here
10:46and for the next 25 minutes I watched this guard
10:48kicking a football, trying to knock a drone out of a tree.
10:52It was magnificent.
10:56He took off the stab vest,
10:57he turned off the radio,
10:58licked his finger to judge the distance,
11:01threw a bit of grass in the air,
11:03probably shouldn't have been carrying that on him,
11:04to be honest.
11:06Borrowed a football from a young lad
11:07because a crowd had gathered,
11:08he balloons the ball up,
11:09misses the tree bow, right?
11:10He's brutal, he misses the tree bow about seven times.
11:13He's so bad with the football.
11:14When we arrived, me and the dog,
11:15there was a squirrel sitting in the middle of the tree
11:17and after six shots,
11:18the squirrel ran out along the tree bow
11:20and sat on the drone
11:22because the squirrel had calculated
11:25that the safest place to sit.
11:32In the tree was on it.
11:33It was amazing.
11:35So what is our next question tonight?
11:37Our next question tonight is asked by Jennifer
11:39from West Belfast.
11:40Hi Jennifer, how are you?
11:41Hiya.
11:42Who do you blame for dredging up history?
11:44Well, I hope this isn't about my history
11:47and dredging that up.
11:48The time I went on a ballooning holiday
11:50and put on four stone.
11:54LAUGHTER
11:54I think this is to do with
11:59a watch that was found on the wreck of the Titanic
12:02that was just auctioned for £1.7 million.
12:06You know the Titanic?
12:08Yeah, the big ocean liner.
12:11LAUGHTER
12:11Named after the hotel in Belfast.
12:15LAUGHTER
12:16And, yeah, well,
12:20this watch was engraved by Mr Strauss
12:23and it said,
12:23Be Lucky.
12:25LAUGHTER
12:25And in the film Titanic,
12:29Strauss and his wife are in it
12:31and they're holding hands as the boat goes down.
12:34It was a very unfortunate superglue accident.
12:38LAUGHTER
12:38Only a few minutes before,
12:42they'd been playing games on the deck
12:43with other passengers
12:44and Mrs Strauss had said,
12:46I spy with my little eye
12:48something beginning with I.
12:49LAUGHTER
12:50And they were going,
12:53Ooh, Ibex, Italy, Ian.
12:57And then it hit them.
12:58LAUGHTER
12:59The watch was found
13:05by a submarine called HMS Nando's
13:08when it put up its peri-periscope.
13:11LAUGHTER
13:12But years ago,
13:17I was offered a shipyard apprenticeship
13:19but I really didn't want to be a shipyard.
13:21LAUGHTER
13:23I think if I was, uh,
13:27in the band
13:30that went down with the ship
13:32and I was playing the cello
13:33and I was looking at all the people in the water,
13:35I'd probably play the Jaws music.
13:38LAUGHTER
13:39So it might be that history being dredged up.
13:45Although the other thing
13:46that could possibly be
13:47with the dredging up of the history
13:48is lots of people want Irish passports
13:51at the moment.
13:52I know I do.
13:53You know what it's like?
13:55One DNA test.
13:56Bob's your uncle.
13:58LAUGHTER
13:59LAUGHTER
13:59It turns out I have an aunt
14:05who's almost Irish.
14:07LAUGHTER
14:07Her name's Iris.
14:08LAUGHTER
14:09APPLAUSE
14:10Thank you, thank you very much for that.
14:22Yes, indeed, talks are taking place
14:24to finally end the war in Ukraine.
14:26Whatever the outcome,
14:27Vladimir Putin has made it clear
14:28that Russia will continue to hold on
14:30to the territories it currently occupies.
14:33The territories in question being
14:34Mar-a-Lago and the White House.
14:36LAUGHTER
14:37And our next question tonight
14:41is asked by Amber from Newry.
14:44Hi, Amber, what's your question?
14:45Hiya.
14:46Um, who's to blame for men behaving badly?
14:49Who do you blame for men behaving badly?
14:51There are two main differences
14:52between Westminster and Stormont.
14:55Firstly, when they take holidays at Westminster,
14:57the breaks are usually less than two to three years.
15:00LAUGHTER
15:01Secondly, at Westminster,
15:02they're currently debating the big question, namely,
15:04can Rachel Reeves' budget balance the books
15:07and at the same time stimulate economic growth?
15:09Meanwhile, at Stormont, the big question is,
15:12who's flooded the bogs again?
15:14LAUGHTER
15:15Yes, there have been a series of flooding incidents
15:18at Stormont in an area that requires a special pass,
15:22so suspicion is falling on someone who works at Stormont,
15:25or if not someone who works at Stormont,
15:27possibly an MLA.
15:28LAUGHTER
15:30Meanwhile, the new Irish language commissioner
15:37clearly thinks kneecap behave badly
15:39and he doesn't think they promote the Irish language
15:41in the right way.
15:42He may have a point, mind you.
15:43When I was at school, they promoted the Irish language
15:45through dull poetry about boglands in Donegal
15:48and vicious beatings administered by Christian brothers.
15:51LAUGHTER
15:52Still, it never did me one bit of harm.
15:55LAUGHTER
15:56But who can we blame for men behaving badly?
16:00I will take this one, thank you.
16:01LAUGHTER
16:02It's the new Irish language commissioner,
16:07as you mentioned, he's not a fan of kneecap,
16:09he doesn't want to work with kneecap,
16:11he says they're not promoting the Irish language
16:12in the way he would like.
16:14Listen, have you heard the way we even speak English?
16:18Do you mean, like, people in Derry are calling kids weans?
16:21Guilty.
16:22You see, people in Belfast are calling Kirby Cribby.
16:25We're all arguing about how to even pronounce the letter H.
16:28Like, we've bastardised the English language,
16:30we may as well ruin the Irish one as well.
16:32LAUGHTER
16:33APPLAUSE
16:34And...
16:36The amount of people, according to the London Irish Centre,
16:39the amount of people that now want to learn Irish
16:41is, like, soaring.
16:42There's a part...
16:43The London Irish Centre has, like, 2,000 people on a waiting list
16:45who want to learn the Irish language
16:47and most of them are English.
16:49And I just love the idea of English people being like,
16:52oh, my God, can you believe they've made up their own language?
16:56LAUGHTER
16:56How creative!
16:59LAUGHTER
16:59My absolute favourite man behaving badly this week
17:03was a story about a guy called Sir Benjamin, right?
17:05This aristocrat, he's 79 years old,
17:08and he put out the best wanted ad of all time.
17:10He was looking for...
17:11He was looking for a new wife, right?
17:12But he's got very strict criteria.
17:14The first one being, he said,
17:15she needs to be a good breeder.
17:17A queer breeder.
17:20Not all them shite breeders that'll give you a ginger.
17:22A queer breeder.
17:24He wants a good breeder.
17:25And also, there's a height restriction.
17:26She has to be over 5'6".
17:28Now, so you have to be this high
17:29to ride the Sir Benjamin rollercoaster.
17:32LAUGHTER
17:32Loads and loads of criteria.
17:34He...
17:35This woman will also get, like, 50 grand
17:37and she'll get, like, two castles to look after.
17:40He said she also can't be over 60.
17:42You can swing your bus pass holding hook
17:44if you're over 60, right?
17:45The reason he wants her to be young
17:47is he said that she would be easier to insure.
17:51LAUGHTER
17:51Like, she's a John Deere tractor.
17:55He's going fully comp on her.
17:56Like, isn't that ridiculous?
17:58First thing, I've got two questions.
18:00One, in what world are we living in
18:02where this old man thinks
18:03that he can list off criteria for a woman
18:05like he's choosing her out of a catalogue?
18:07It's sexist, it's demeaning, it's disgusting.
18:09And second of all, where can I apply?
18:11LAUGHTER
18:12Going back to Stormont...
18:16LAUGHTER
18:18..toilets aren't straightforward at all.
18:21My wife's always saying to me,
18:23you've left the lid up, you've left the lid up.
18:24And I say, yeah, but what if it's a man,
18:26the next person, to use the toilet?
18:27She goes, it's a pedal bin.
18:30LAUGHTER
18:30Thank you for that.
18:34Yes, indeed, the Stormont toilets
18:36have been flooded six times this year.
18:39And this is how far we've sunk in Northern Ireland.
18:42A few years ago, news from Stormont
18:44involved bomb scares, a spy ring
18:47and an unwanted visit from Michael Stone.
18:49Now, oh, no, a sink's been blocked!
18:52LAUGHTER
18:53So, what is our next question tonight?
18:56Our next question tonight is asked by Stella,
18:59who says she's from Lovely Lurgan.
19:01Lovely Lurgan.
19:02There's two words you never hear in the same sentence.
19:04LAUGHTER
19:05What's your question, Stella?
19:08Who's to blame for breaking the rules?
19:10Thank you, Stella.
19:11Who do you blame for breaking the rules?
19:13Yes, buskers and preachers in Belfast
19:16have been breaking noise pollution rules,
19:18so new by-laws being introduced.
19:20Buskers will have to keep the noise down.
19:23Preachers will not be able to go above 70 decibels.
19:2570 decibels is roughly equivalent
19:27to the sound of a washing machine
19:28or, in old money, half an Ian Paisley.
19:32LAUGHTER
19:32And charges were dropped over damage
19:35caused to a painting in City Hall
19:37alleged to have been caused by a Sinn Féin-er.
19:40Michelle O'Neill was asked
19:41if she would name the alleged culprit.
19:44She replied,
19:45the PPS have made their views known
19:47and I respect their position.
19:49Just to translate that for Milton,
19:51Michelle said,
19:52I'm not a tout.
19:53LAUGHTER
19:54But who can we blame for breaking the rules?
20:00Yes, I think this is the best idea
20:03Belfast City Council has ever come up with.
20:05Yep.
20:05And I'm not the only one
20:07because...
20:09You know where people get really, really annoyed here
20:11about dog muck
20:12or dog dirt?
20:14And they're always ringing in front of you,
20:15there's dog dirt everywhere.
20:17There was 1,400...
20:19Sorry, there were 4,000 complaints
20:20about dog dirt
20:21in five years
20:22to Belfast City Council, right?
20:24And when consultation went out
20:25for this idea
20:26that they were going to fine
20:28buskers
20:30if they go over a certain volume,
20:32there were 18,000 people responded.
20:3418,000 people went,
20:35yes, do it now!
20:36Do it immediately!
20:37When you go down Royal Avenue
20:38and you go into the city centre of Belfast,
20:40it's not just one person with a guitar.
20:42Do you know what I mean?
20:42It used to be...
20:43It used to be in the old days,
20:44there used to be a guy
20:45used to stand there with a banjo
20:46and he...
20:46Four strings
20:47and then as he got older,
20:49there were three strings.
20:49Then there were two strings
20:50and then there was one string
20:52and then there was just a man
20:52with a banjo, right?
20:53That's all it was, right?
20:55Now you go in
20:55and it's a full-on gig.
20:57There's...
20:58There's roadies,
20:59there's...
21:00There's dry ice,
21:01there's...
21:02Good evening, Arthur Street!
21:04Do you know what I mean?
21:04It's just...
21:05It's unbelievable.
21:07People have lighters there going,
21:09I love this one.
21:10What?
21:11I love this one.
21:12It's not sort of...
21:13It's not sort of...
21:14It's none of that.
21:16It's just...
21:16Like, in the old days,
21:18there was no amplification
21:19with buskers in Belfast city centre,
21:21right?
21:22And they were competing
21:23with the Troubles.
21:25Do you know what I mean?
21:28Nowadays,
21:28you go...
21:29There could be a bomb
21:30go off on Royal Avenue
21:31tomorrow, right?
21:32And you wouldn't hear it
21:34over Wonderwall.
21:35That's all you would hear.
21:38But busker is actually
21:39a Spanish word.
21:40I was really intrigued
21:40about where the word
21:41busker came from.
21:42And it comes from
21:43the Spanish,
21:44apparently.
21:45Buscar.
21:46Yeah, which is...
21:47Which is Spanish for...
21:49You're awful.
21:52That's what it comes from.
21:54And in Irish,
21:55it's bruscar.
21:56And...
21:57No kneecap fans in then.
22:00I thought that was good,
22:02right?
22:02Yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:04But there is,
22:05there's a hierarchy
22:05in show business
22:06and, you know what I mean,
22:07buskers are not really,
22:08you know,
22:09they're not at the bottom,
22:09in fairness.
22:10We all know this,
22:11you know,
22:11the hierarchy goes,
22:13mime artists,
22:14jugglers,
22:15human statues.
22:16Human statues
22:16are slightly above jugglers
22:17because they stay still.
22:19Then buskers,
22:20then magicians,
22:21then pub singers,
22:22then priests,
22:22then ventriloquists,
22:23then comedians,
22:24actors and strippers.
22:25That's the hierarchy,
22:26right?
22:26Have you seen the ones
22:29with the contactless payments?
22:30Oh my good God.
22:31Oh yeah.
22:31Oh, the arrogance
22:32and audacity
22:33of the busker
22:34that has a contactless payment.
22:36That is what,
22:36you can do a direct debit
22:37if you want,
22:38you can slam him.
22:41I can insert that flute
22:42somewhere, fella.
22:44It's,
22:45it is,
22:45but the drummer,
22:46the Lamb Begg drummer,
22:47you mentioned that,
22:48there was a guy
22:49last month,
22:50I think,
22:51it was North Antrim,
22:52or Antrim,
22:52some council in Antrim,
22:54he was served
22:55with a noise notice,
22:57noise abatement notice,
22:59five grand,
23:00they were fining him.
23:00And the poor man
23:01was doing nothing,
23:02he was doing,
23:02do you know what he was doing?
23:035,000 pounds,
23:05he was fining
23:065,000 pounds
23:07for 10 minutes
23:08every night,
23:09seven nights a week,
23:10five,
23:11you know,
23:11practising his Lamb Begg drum,
23:12that's all he was doing,
23:13right?
23:14A Lamb Begg drum,
23:14do you know how loud
23:15a Lamb Begg drum is?
23:16120 decibels,
23:18right?
23:18That's the equivalent
23:19of an aircraft,
23:20a jet aircraft,
23:21taken off.
23:22That's what that sounds like.
23:24I wouldn't be on that airplane
23:25if I heard that noise,
23:26there's something wrong
23:27with that engine.
23:29We've got a bow in 1690,
23:31taken off.
23:31That's what it sounds like.
23:33Ladies and gentlemen,
23:34we'll be flying
23:34the traditional route.
23:38It is,
23:38it's phenomenally loud.
23:39There was a brilliant report,
23:41it was so brilliant,
23:43on X,
23:44an MLA,
23:45your man's local MLA,
23:46was outraged
23:47that a constituent
23:48had been...
23:49Can not bang his drum.
23:50A man cannot bang his drum
23:52in the privacy of his own garden.
23:53And, um...
23:55That does,
23:55that does sound like something.
23:56Without being well flushed,
23:57and, uh,
23:59so, uh,
24:00he made a wee video,
24:02because they're all,
24:02all the politicians,
24:04they're all on,
24:04they're all on the TikTok,
24:06and all them on the X,
24:06and the TikTok,
24:07and the Instagram boys.
24:08And so they're all making
24:09wee videos of themselves.
24:10Won't you,
24:11you video me,
24:12and I'll stand beside him.
24:14Right, so,
24:15the wee video that they made,
24:17right,
24:17was, uh,
24:18your man with his Lamb Begg drum.
24:19And the MLA's standing here,
24:23and right beside the drum,
24:25120 decibels.
24:28And then,
24:29the man stops,
24:29and then the MLA's looking at it,
24:31he's like,
24:31as he's, you know,
24:32I'm appreciating the drumming,
24:33and, uh,
24:34and then he turns to the camera
24:35and he starts to speak.
24:36My consentuchar!
24:37You know all he can hear is...
24:44That's right, all he can hear is...
24:47But you're right, noise is really scary for people.
24:54People don't like noise.
24:56I lost my dog recently and I was shouting his name
24:59and I could see people getting really worried.
25:01Unfortunately, he is called Death to the West.
25:04I saw an amazing street performer the other day.
25:07He was dressed as a policeman.
25:08He was kicking a ball into a tree.
25:10LAUGHTER
25:11I am.
25:13I am.
25:14I am.
25:15I am.
25:16I am.
25:17I am.
25:18I am.
25:19I am.
25:20I am.
25:21I am.
25:22I am.
25:23I am.
25:24I am.
25:25I am.
25:26I am.
25:27I am.
25:28I am.
25:29I am.
25:30I am.
25:31I am.
25:32I am.
25:33I am.
25:36I am.
25:37I am.
25:38He was amazing, by the way.
25:40He tried for about half an hour and he couldn't keep it down.
25:43He had to go and knock on the door of the guy who owned the tree,
25:46the tree was in his yard.
25:48Because we were now in an Irish folk song, because there was drugs in the drone, the drone in the tree, the tree in the yard, the yellow tree.
25:56I swear to God, the drunkest man I've ever seen, it was Christmas, it was Christmas week and he was buckled, right?
26:02So the little man walks out of the outside and he goes, Jesus, two guards, identical twins, both joined the guard, D.
26:08There's one guard in front of him, right?
26:11And the guard goes, and he goes, Jesus, what's the story with the metal drone?
26:15And he goes, there's a drone stuck in the tree, we're going to need to poke it down.
26:18What's the longest thing you have in the house, the guard says?
26:20And your man goes, Lord of the Rings.
26:31And he got it down eventually, and it's my dying wish that I should, my regret forever, I didn't go up to that guard.
26:37I should have gone up to him, I only thought of it afterwards.
26:39I should have gone up, what are you doing?
26:41What are you doing trying to knock stuff down out of trees like this?
26:43Surely there should be an elite unit in the guard to try and get stuff down out of trees.
26:47He'd be like, who? Special branch.
26:57Thank you, thank you very much for that.
26:59Just time for our quickfire round.
27:00I will read you various newspaper headlines and I want you to be faster than Cara Hunter MLA going to the loo.
27:06Standards falling in fertility clinic.
27:10One star review on Snip Advisor.
27:16Don't pull the plug.
27:18My grandmother's last words.
27:22The royal nutcracker.
27:24Charles reveals what he's going to do to Andrew.
27:26Prehistoric man could be brought back to life.
27:34First question, have they finished the A5 yet?
27:38Why the sabre-toothed tiger died out?
27:42Because despite hunting everywhere, it couldn't find an NHS dentist.
27:48Do you love camper vans?
27:52I prefer manlier ones.
27:54And finally, crabs migrate annually.
28:08Oh, annually? Sorry.
28:18That's it, ladies and gentlemen.
28:20That's the end of the show.
28:21Please show your appreciation to our panel.
28:23Colin Murphy, Milton Jones, Diona Doherty and Neil Delamere!
28:27I'm Tim McGarry.
28:37Until next week, don't blame yourselves.
28:39Blame each other.
28:40Goodbye.
28:41Goodbye.
28:42Goodbye.
28:43Goodbye.
Be the first to comment