QI Season 23 Episode 3

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Transcript

00:00Music

00:05Music

00:10Music

00:15Music

00:24Good evening and welcome to QI where tonight I've come armed with questions all about weaponry and for our panel we're bringing out the big guns. Exploding onto the scene, it's Lou Sanders.

00:50Here to slay it's Roisin Conaty.

00:54A bit of a blunt instrument, it's Nish Kumar.

01:03And always a loose cannon, it's Alan Davis.

01:12Right, let's hear their killer buzzers. Lou goes.

01:17Roisin goes.

01:20Nish goes.

01:22Alan goes.

01:25Alan goes.

01:26That's nice.

01:33Well it is dangerous with him.

01:38Right, time to open up the armoury for question one. I want you to look under your desks, you've each got an objet. I want to know how you would use it to win a war. So let's start with you Lou. How would you use honey to win a war?

01:56Well I might say, do you want to swap this honey? For a little bit of peace.

02:05I actually gave my neighbour a jar of honey to say sorry and they still hate me.

02:12What did you, what had you done then?

02:14I, well I, well I, that doesn't matter as much.

02:20I, erm, I stole their, erm, beehive.

02:23It's used to defeat Roman troops. It's a particular kind of honey.

02:33Manuka.

02:35I just like how you say that. You're looking so attractive today.

02:37Something about you. I don't know. I'm on the turn.

02:42There was a Greek geographer called Strabo. I mean he was also a historian.

02:48And he wrote about General Pompey who attacked the kingdom of Pontus in the Pontiac Mountains.

02:54So it's Turkey these days.

02:56So this is a genuine story.

02:57So Pompey attacked the kingdom of Pontus in the Pontiac Mountains and they left behind vast amounts of honey.

03:02Now the bees had fed on rhododendron which contains a hallucinogenic poison called graenotoxin.

03:09So the honey was two things. It was highly hallucinogenic and a laxative.

03:14Oh.

03:16Sign me up.

03:18So as you're crapping yourself, you're thinking, oh, what's coming out of me?

03:23Yeah. Yeah.

03:25You can still, actually, weirdly, you can buy this honey. It's called mad honey.

03:28I'm writing it down. You sure you want to write it down? Mad honey.

03:30It's mostly for people who need it for their libido. Just saying if that's...

03:34Ah! Too tiny.

03:45You can still buy it in Turkey and certain places.

03:48Wait, the honey that makes you poop yourself is good for sex.

03:51Well, the trick is to not take very much.

03:53And if you take a little bit, it gives you a buzz.

03:55If you take a lot, you shit yourself and fall over.

03:57LAUGHTER

03:59It's like...

04:00It's too high of almost anything you eat.

04:02Yeah, that's it.

04:04Did the bees sting the people and then they got the shits or did...

04:07What happened?

04:09LAUGHTER

04:12You're the girl at the back of the class that we hope is good at netball because...

04:16LAUGHTER

04:17LAUGHTER

04:18That was very good.

04:19Very good.

04:20APPLAUSE

04:22So, they made honey...

04:24Yes.

04:25The bees had partaken of a hallucinogenic which therefore went into the honey.

04:29Oh, OK, right, OK. I get it now.

04:30Does that make sense?

04:32Did they do this deliberately?

04:34Yes.

04:35The act of chemical warfare?

04:36It is biological warfare.

04:37Biological warfare, yeah.

04:38Biological warfare is horrible.

04:40But, I mean, obviously it's not ideal to lose a war, but if you did it in a kind of blizzard of sexual arousal and poop...

04:47LAUGHTER

04:49I don't know, Nish, I don't know.

04:52It's just another Friday night for you.

04:55LAUGHTER

04:57That's your podcast.

04:59LAUGHTER

05:00Sexual arousal and poop.

05:02LAUGHTER

05:03Boners and the brown stuff.

05:05LAUGHTER

05:06Tell me, Nish, what you're holding. How might you win a war with it?

05:08I seem to be holding a shovel.

05:11What would you do with it?

05:12I guess, like, disguise myself.

05:15I'd be like, oh, hello, I'm a humble gardener.

05:17Ba-ba-dum-ba-dum.

05:18No threat pose.

05:19And then BAM!

05:20Shoot through the hole.

05:22Well, you are entirely correct.

05:23LAUGHTER

05:33So, the actual thing was a little bit larger than the one we've given you.

05:36It was called the Macadam Shield Shovel, and it was the brainchild of Ina Macadam.

05:40She was the secretary to the Canadian Minister of Defence, 1914, and she suggested to her boss, Sir Sam Hughes,

05:46to patent this invention, and he named it after her.

05:48So, basically, a thick steel spade, right, that was designed for both digging trenches and deflecting bullets.

05:55So, the idea is you're digging away a thing, somebody fires at you, you can spike the whole thing in the ground,

06:00and then fire, exactly as you suggested, fire at the enemy through the hole.

06:05During World War I, they sent 25,000 of these out to the Canadian troops in Europe, and they were useless.

06:11Yes.

06:12Yes.

06:13Completely useless.

06:14If you've got a hole in a spade, you cannot dig with it.

06:18Oh, no.

06:20You just did one of those little keyhole covers, comes down over it, clip into place.

06:25If only you'd been there.

06:26Bony.

06:28Unfortunately, the metal that they used wouldn't even stop small calibre ammunition.

06:32So, didn't stop bullets, wasn't any good for digging.

06:35I'm just thrilled that I've maintained my proud 100% record of only getting questions right on QI by total accident.

06:44Anyway, they sent them out at the beginning of the war, 1917,

06:4788% of them had been scrapped for metal, and poor Ina McAdam, who came up with it, said,

06:51she was very embarrassed by the whole thing, and wished it had never happened.

06:55Right, Conkers, come on.

06:57Conkers.

06:58Yes.

06:59Who wants one?

07:00Oh, don't throw.

07:01OK.

07:02Mm-hmm.

07:03Alan, World War I.

07:08World War I, Conkers, any thoughts about why it might have been useful?

07:13Poison.

07:14They're poisonous.

07:15Poisonous.

07:16Put them in the suit.

07:17Is it something about boners and pooping?

07:20It's going to be really hard to get you back from there, isn't it?

07:23LAUGHTER

07:26So, it can be used to make acetone, which is a key ingredient in gunpowder.

07:30So, before 1917, they used fermented grain, they used potatoes,

07:34but then they wanted to have all that stuff for food, so they thought,

07:36let's use the Conkers.

07:38And they got British children to collect Conkers,

07:41and they were paid seven and six per hundred weight,

07:44which is 50 kilos of Conkers, right?

07:47It's about more than 6,000 Conkers.

07:49And they collected 3,000 tonnes of Conkers.

07:54And what do you think happened?

07:56I don't know.

07:57I got a feeling something went horribly wrong.

07:59Yes.

08:00They hadn't worked out all the transport.

08:01Lots and lots of them went rotten at railway stations.

08:03And then, when they did get them into the factories,

08:05the chemists couldn't work out how to extract the acetone.

08:09So, did the kids have to give the money back?

08:11No, the kids kept the money and they kept it going

08:13because it was good for morale.

08:15Now, what have you got, Rasheen?

08:17I've got myself a rat.

08:19OK.

08:20What do you reckon?

08:21How would you use that to win a war?

08:23Well, I reckon it was love rats.

08:24I think they just got a bunch of hot men or women or whoever

08:28into an area and just sort of got the soldiers absolutely horned up.

08:33OK.

08:34So, it is the use of an actual rat.

08:36Diseases.

08:37Yeah, plague.

08:38Terrible diseases.

08:39I mean, that is a thought.

08:40It's another kind of biological weapon.

08:42No, the idea was, in 1941, the British military intelligence officers

08:46filled rodents with explosives.

08:48Rat attack!

08:49Yes.

08:50They made rat bombs.

08:51Oh, my God.

08:53Yeah, they made rat bombs.

08:54The rat is dead.

08:55Can I just say?

08:56The rat is dead.

08:57The rat's not like, oh, what is that?

09:01I'm going to get a ticket.

09:03I'm going to get a ticket.

09:04Jesus Christ.

09:06You're ticking as well.

09:07You're ticking as well.

09:08I'm going to get a ticket.

09:09They're not rationing out the Vaseline.

09:11It's driving me mad.

09:12The chicken's driving me mad.

09:13Anyway, the plan was to leave them near factory boiler rooms in Germany.

09:23And here was the theory.

09:24Somebody in Germany would see a dead rat and they think, oh, we can't have that there.

09:28And they would throw it straight into the furnace.

09:30Oh.

09:31And then, even though it was only a small amount of explosive, it would be enough to cause a massive blast.

09:37Do you think it worked?

09:38Yes.

09:39Rat attack.

09:40Somebody said, no, I'm going to go with them.

09:41It sort of worked because the Nazis intercepted the first batch and they thought that the allies must be doing this all the time.

09:51And they'd hidden loads.

09:52So they wasted loads of time looking for rat bombs.

09:55And in fact, deactivating rat bombs was studied in German military school.

09:59Wow.

10:00Wow.

10:01Wow.

10:02Wow.

10:03It sort of worked.

10:04Yeah.

10:05Kind of.

10:06Right.

10:07What was the favourite weapon of the hammer of the Scots?

10:10Oh.

10:11Exactly.

10:12Oh.

10:13Yeah.

10:14Yeah.

10:15No.

10:16That's just a Scottish person.

10:17Is it the power of words?

10:19And they are powerful.

10:21They are powerful.

10:24Was it a hammer?

10:26So the hammer of the Scots was King Edward the first of England because he was trying to assert sovereignty over Scotland.

10:40There he is trying to do it.

10:421604 he and his troops were laying siege to stirling castle in scotland and the castle was heavily fortified and they thought we're never gonna make this happen

10:48So he got 50 carpenters. I don't know how he did this. Can I just say he's away from home, right? I can't get one near my house

10:5650 carpenters to build the world's biggest

11:00Trebuchet does anyone know what a trebuchet gets a catapult. It is a kind of catapult, right?

11:05So this is very exciting because I have a small one here

11:08That's cool. So it's a type of catapult that uses a massive counterweight to launch

11:13Projectile so we just thought we give it a go here. Now. I've got some little sweets

11:18No

11:20Nish

11:29It was absolutely you really

11:31I

11:33I

11:35Think I didn't do it violently enough you think that that was better. Oh my god. Yeah

11:42The one that they built Edward called it the war wolf. It was phenomenal was 90 meters tall

11:46It had 30 wagons of materials in it. It took 90 meters. It took three months to build

11:52It was just amazing now

11:54The fact is he's building it out there right for ages in plain view of all the besiege inhabitants and they were running out of food

12:00Anyway, so they went out when they saw they're building this thing away. It's okay

12:03White flag totally give in but now that Edward had built it. He really wanted to try it

12:10So he just pelted the castle anyway and they launched Greek fire which is a kind of the napalm of the day

12:16It's petrol and resin and stuff and by the time the attack was finished any 30 people were alive in the castle was kind of

12:22Wait, so they surrendered and he still was like, I'm gonna napalm you. Yeah

12:26He built a special platform nearby so that the ladies of the court could watch the destruction of the girls. Yeah

12:33What was his relationship with his mother like?

12:38These weapons have existed for centuries. I mean probably invented in China

12:421521 the conquistador and then cutters

12:45He was seeking treasure and he used one in the battle to attack the Aztec Empire

12:49So the Spanish running low on gunpowder and they think what shall we do?

12:53Let's make a triple shake we haven't got enough gunpowder to attack the Aztecs. They wanted their gold

12:57Didn't have any engineers, but they did have a soldier who'd once seen one

13:04He dropped some plans and when it finally came to being launched he used a massive rock right the rock went straight up and came straight

13:12Yeah

13:14Right back down

13:17Less successful right let's move on to that old perennial the war of the sexes what kind of butts

13:24Attracted to Victorian women who were ready to wed big butts and I cannot lie

13:28Big butts

13:37Any other thoughts?

13:40Water butts

13:41Ifts and butts

13:43Ifts and butts

13:43the butts is a common name for an archery field

13:47Oh

13:47Well, they're actually called going down the butts

13:50So here's the thing unlike most outdoor activities archery was considered a reasonable and acceptable sport for women

13:56So this was a place where men and women could meet.

13:59In the beginning, as early as 1780, there were women's-only clubs.

14:03They were called the Amazon Archers of England.

14:05And they met in Kent and they used to have archery competitions

14:08and then they would have, you know, soirees, suppers, balls and that kind of thing.

14:11I love this.

14:131845, there's a book called The Lady's Companion by Jane Loudon

14:16and she put archery in as one of only five acceptable outdoor activities for women

14:22alongside boating, sketching, skating and the garden swing.

14:30It's acceptable.

14:31When I go down the park with a bow and arrow, people look at me funny.

14:37Princess Victoria, later Queen Victoria, she took it up in 1834

14:39and of course then it became enormously popular.

14:42And then it dies out as croquet and tennis come in.

14:44So 1870s, you get those two games.

14:47So here's the thing, with archery, anybody who wrote about it

14:49stressed the beauty of the women who were doing it.

14:52The trim shaft launched from the hand of some fair Toxophyllite,

14:56faultless in face and figure.

14:58Go back, go back.

15:00Toxophyllite.

15:00Yes.

15:01So Toxon Greek for bow.

15:03Oh, yes, of course.

15:04Philos for lover, Toxophyllite.

15:06The lover of the bow.

15:07The lover of a bow.

15:07Do you like that, Toxophyllite?

15:08I do.

15:09Maybe I change my name, Sandy Toxophyllite.

15:10I like...

15:11I like a thin shaft being propelled all together.

15:15Trim shaft.

15:17Well, it all looks very nice, but the fact is, if you really did archery,

15:20you can see from the skeletons of medieval and renaissance archers,

15:23too much can cause serious deformities.

15:25So you have to imagine these longbows, six foot long,

15:28taller than most archers, it required 90 kilograms of force

15:32to pull the thing back.

15:33Modern bow only needs about 20 kilograms.

15:35So it's the difference between the force of, say, carrying a,

15:38I don't know, larger gentleman and a six-year-old girl.

15:41So it's about 14 stone.

15:44What do you weigh, Nish?

15:45What do you weigh?

15:46Er, I mean, I'm kind of between weights at the moment.

15:50LAUGHTER

15:50So it's like lifting you.

15:52Quite an interesting way to do weights, or a six-year-old girl.

15:56Like, what are we doing?

15:58Who's writing this down?

16:00Fire and children!

16:03How much ham would you like?

16:04About a six-year-old girl?

16:06But the thing about professional archers,

16:09is they would start training at a really young age

16:11and they would draw back their bows repeatedly.

16:13So, of course, the muscles get very strong,

16:14but the bones also get thicker and denser to compensate,

16:17and the spines start to twist,

16:19and then eventually the drawing arm becomes higher

16:21than the one holding the bow, which you're doing this all the time.

16:23The muscle contracting.

16:24Like my phone arm.

16:25Yeah, you like your phone arm, yeah.

16:26Have you been to the Mary Rose Museum in Portsmouth,

16:28which is just fantastic?

16:31Anyway, they have a skeleton from an archer from 1545,

16:34and you can see how his spine is all twisted

16:36and he's got one arm that is much lower than the other,

16:39and that is from that continuous, repetitive thing

16:41of having to deploy all of that.

16:44Longbow is famously used in which British battle?

16:47It's Hastings.

16:49Mmm, another one?

16:51Agincourt.

16:51Agincourt, yes.

16:52That's not British.

16:54It's in France.

16:55OK.

16:56I was going to say Agincourt.

16:57You just sent me off the scent there.

16:59I've only got one right for the first time since 2005.

17:02I'm going to give you five points for correcting me,

17:08because you're absolutely right.

17:10It was an English battle taking place somewhere else.

17:12Yes.

17:13Yes.

17:13In France.

17:14In France.

17:15Do you think that the longbows made them win,

17:20or what else do you think might have made them win?

17:22Did they dip the longbows in boner honey?

17:29They almost lost because...

17:31They were watching telly.

17:32No, they had an epidemic of...

17:33They were very good.

17:34Oh, they had the shits?

17:35They had the shits.

17:35They had an epidemic of dysentery.

17:37It's the other area!

17:38Goodness me, Boners and the Brown Stuff is a podcast that has legs.

17:46So they've all got dysentery,

17:47and they're all going meh, like this, crazy.

17:50And all they did...

17:51Is that when I know I said you, mate?

17:52When you're going...

17:53LAUGHTER

17:54I'm just about to go in the loo.

17:57Is there anyone in there?

17:58Meh.

17:58Oh, yeah.

17:59LAUGHTER

18:00APPLAUSE

18:01So rather than give up,

18:08when they had this terrible affliction of dysentery,

18:11they cut off their soiled britches and underwear

18:14and went into battle without.

18:16They just ran into battle...

18:18Mm.

18:18..just with...

18:19Yeah.

18:20Why is that not a film?

18:21Yeah.

18:22LAUGHTER

18:23If there was a whole army running towards you,

18:27just fully Winnie the Pooh-ing it, like...

18:29I mean, literally.

18:31LAUGHTER

18:32LAUGHTER

18:33LAUGHTER

18:34Oh, my God, it would be unbelievable.

18:37Just a bunch of people, like the French, going,

18:39Is that...?

18:39LAUGHTER

18:41Did they throw their pants at the enemy or not?

18:45No, darling.

18:45They missed a trick there.

18:46That's a waste of weaponry.

18:47That's a waste of weaponry.

18:49You just sort of sling it...

18:50What were they thinking?

18:51Oh, I know, they needed both hands for the...

18:53Yeah, yeah.

18:54So, wait, did they just cut a hole at the back?

18:56Apparently they cut them off with a knife and...

18:57Like your shovel.

18:59LAUGHTER

18:59We're back in the game.

19:01LAUGHTER

19:02They went into battle without, basically,

19:04their underwear and the...

19:05Yeah.

19:06Anyway, what is the best weapon to ward off a wasp?

19:11They don't like a vacuum cleaner.

19:12Ooh!

19:13OK.

19:13Right?

19:14Cos they just...

19:15They're there, and then...

19:16They're gone.

19:16LAUGHTER

19:17LAUGHTER

19:18They...

19:20Always have one at a picnic.

19:21Yeah.

19:23Oh, there's a wasp, and there's a...

19:24Anymore.

19:25LAUGHTER

19:26It's not fun when you change the bag.

19:28LAUGHTER

19:29It's nearer Nish's area, this?

19:35This is...

19:36My ass!

19:37LAUGHTER

19:38Yeah?

19:38People put distracting things near to a picnic, don't they?

19:43You mean, like, maybe, like...

19:44A jar of something sticky that they go to.

19:46Like a jar of...

19:46Poo?

19:47Is correct.

19:48LAUGHTER

19:49APPLAUSE

19:50That's the same...

19:54That's the same way you get rid of men in the morning.

19:57LAUGHTER

19:58I've known Lou, but I think about 15 years, and for some reason, that is the first time I've seen you actually shock yourself with something you've said.

20:14LAUGHTER

20:15So, we're talking about animals.

20:16So, there is a fantastic creature called the silver-spotted skipper caterpillar. Look at that, it's a beautiful thing.

20:21Ooh.

20:22So, it is preyed on by parasitic wasps who are attracted by the smell of the caterpillar's frass, which is a wonderful word, and it is the technical name for insect poo.

20:28What they do, these caterpillars, they forcibly eject their frass from their backside using an anal comb.

20:35LAUGHTER

20:36So, it's a fine-toothed pincer, it comes down, it pinches the anus, and it sends the frass flying out like a diddlywink.

20:41LAUGHTER

20:42LAUGHTER

20:43And because the wasp are attracted to the smell of the frass, this diverts them away from the actual caterpillar, because it goes, oh, where the hell was that?

20:48And it follows the tiddlywink, and they can send their poo 38 times their body length away.

20:51So, it's the equivalent of what they do is they forcibly eject their frass from their backside using an anal comb.

20:55LAUGHTER

20:56So, it's a fine-toothed pincer, it comes down, it pinches the anus, and it sends the frass flying out like a diddlywink.

21:03LAUGHTER

21:05And because the wasp are attracted to the smell of the frass, this diverts them away from the actual caterpillar, because it goes, oh, where the hell was that?

21:11And it follows the diddlywink.

21:12And they can send their poo 38 times their body length away.

21:17So, it's the equivalent, Alan, if you like, of a human launching their poo across the width of a football field.

21:23LAUGHTER

21:26Talking language, I understand.

21:28LAUGHTER

21:31This was discovered by a biologist called Martha Weiss.

21:34She's now a professor. She discovered it in 2003.

21:36So, she'd collected a load of these skipper caterpillars, and she's got them in a box, and she suddenly hears this bing, bing, bing.

21:43And it was the sound of them squirting out this, well, pinching out this frass, and she went on to discover 17 different families of moths and butterflies have this similarly exploding anus.

21:55Wow. I know.

21:56Listen, I'm just saying, we're always looking for new Olympic sports.

22:02LAUGHTER

22:04I say, we just have a bunch of athletes bent over, flying out, then they measure it like the javelin throw, and then there'll be inevitable allegations, he's doping, I saw him with the special honey.

22:14LAUGHTER

22:17So, grasshoppers sometimes kick their frass away when they've done their business, and they use their back leg to propel the poo ten times their body length.

22:26So, I'm going to do this again for you.

22:28It's the equivalent of a human scoring a goal from the penalty spot with their poo.

22:32OK, that's the, that's the distance.

22:34OK.

22:35Do you want to see that?

22:36Yes.

22:37Oh, my gosh.

22:38Yeah, let's have a look.

22:39Up in the top right corner, you can see it creating the thing, and it's got, it's getting its leg ready.

22:44Whoa.

22:45And here we go, erm, and it's going to, and it's go, yeah, there we go.

22:48LAUGHTER

22:49And we can see it again in slow motion, what's that, VAR, there we go.

22:52Oh, my God.

22:53Yeah.

22:54Isn't that fantastic?

22:55On the volley as well.

22:56I know, I know.

22:57I think I thought, I assumed that it would drop it.

22:59Yeah.

23:00And then take it like a penalty gig.

23:02That's much harder to do.

23:05And now it's all aboard the blunderbuss as we marshal ourselves for a round of general ignorance.

23:10Fingers on buzzers, please.

23:11This is easy.

23:12What chemical is added to all our tap water?

23:15Yes!

23:16Oh!

23:17Fluoride.

23:18No.

23:19Oh!

23:20Is that not true?

23:21Have I made that up?

23:22It's not true.

23:23You haven't made it up, it's not true.

23:24Chlorine.

23:25Oh!

23:26Chlorine is added to absolutely all of our water to keep it safe.

23:29Ribena.

23:30I'd definitely be less dehydrated if that was in the water.

23:31So, anybody who lives, well, certainly within 50 kilometres of this studio has never had fluoride added to their tap water.

23:45It's only about 9% of the UK population that has it artificially added.

23:49So, I think we've got a map.

23:50You can see parts of West Midlands and Berkshire and North Lincolnshire and Nottinghamshire.

23:54What are they down to deserve it?

23:56Well, the thing is, it's good stuff.

23:58It stops cavities and strengthens the tooth enamel.

24:01And there is a plan to increase the amount of fluoride across the country.

24:05Basically, one part fluoride to a million parts water.

24:08The best thing you can do if you're in an area without adding fluoride is what?

24:12Brush your teeth.

24:13Brush your teeth.

24:14Yes, and while you're brushing your teeth...

24:15Don't spit.

24:16Don't spit it out is the answer.

24:17Is that true?

24:18Yeah.

24:19Now, what shape is a proper all-butter French croissant?

24:24Yes.

24:25Are they completely straight?

24:27Is the right answer.

24:37So, what we've got here is two different kinds.

24:40So, the ones that are this shape are made with margarine.

24:44And they are the cheaper ones.

24:46And these straight ones are the ones that are made with butter.

24:49And it is not uncommon in French families for the parents to have these

24:52and give these to the kids.

24:54Because they're cheaper.

24:56Quick question.

24:57Are we going to get to...

24:58Yes.

24:59Would you like it?

25:00Yes.

25:01Yes.

25:02Very straight.

25:03That's fine.

25:04Are they vegan?

25:05Yes, very straight.

25:06Those are vegan, yeah.

25:07This thing can't be any straighter if they're trying.

25:09Oh, God.

25:10Actors, comedians, free food.

25:12It is unbelievable.

25:13The thing about me, Sandy, is I'm a man of science.

25:17So, if something is straight, I've got to see if it's straight by putting it in my mouth.

25:21OK.

25:22And you like straight things in a straight world.

25:25What about straight men?

25:26Where are our rights?

25:27LAUGHTER

25:28Oh, yes.

25:29Historically, you've really suffered.

25:31Now...

25:32APPLAUSE

25:34Right.

25:35How many noses do you have?

25:44One, but it's a big one.

25:47LAUGHTER

25:48Not one.

25:49No.

25:50I actually know this, Sandy.

25:52Go.

25:53I think that we have, like, two noses.

25:58Yes, that is correct.

26:00Why aren't you happy for me?

26:02APPLAUSE

26:09So, what we call our nose is actually two organs that are working independently,

26:13a bit like our left and our right eyes, our left and our right ears.

26:16Each nostril has its own nasal cavity.

26:19They don't connect to the other.

26:20They don't even smell the same either.

26:23So, we process the information from each nose at slightly different speeds.

26:28They stimulate different sides of the brain.

26:30The airflow is always stronger on one side than it is on the other.

26:33They switch every sort of three to six hours, something like that.

26:36And it's controlled by erectile tissue.

26:39LAUGHTER

26:41Wait.

26:42Sandy, what do you mean?

26:43LAUGHTER

26:45It's tissue in the linings that swell with blood, basically,

26:47and that is how we control where the breathing is happening.

26:50So, we've got boners in our nose?

26:52LAUGHTER

26:53Now, you know, right, from Roisin that you've got two noses.

26:58How many organs do you think you have in total?

27:0312.

27:04BUZZER

27:05LAUGHTER

27:06Nobody say any more numbers.

27:09LAUGHTER

27:14The answer is it depends how you count them.

27:16So, we know, for example, that the skin is an organ,

27:19but it consists of three parts.

27:21The dermis, the epidermis and the subcutaneous.

27:23Is that three organs or is that one organ?

27:26So, you have at least 79, depending, obviously, on your sex.

27:30One or two more.

27:31Two.

27:32Two.

27:33If you counted every single...

27:34LAUGHTER

27:36And you'll never find the second one.

27:39LAUGHTER

27:40Yours has two nostrils out.

27:42LAUGHTER

27:45If you counted every bone, every muscle, I mean, almost 1,000.

27:48No.

27:49Yeah.

27:50Some of this stuff is made up.

27:52LAUGHTER

27:53Which brings us to the most controversial count of all,

27:56which is the scores.

27:58Bombing in last place with minus 27, it's Nish.

28:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

28:04LAUGHTER

28:06Julia's out of the book with minus 26 is Lou.

28:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

28:15Going out in a place of glory with minus three, it's Alan.

28:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

28:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

28:21And catapulting herself into first place, our winner tonight,

28:26with two whole points...

28:27LAUGHTER

28:28..is Roisin!

28:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

28:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

28:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

28:32So, it's a very big thank you to Roisin, Nish, Lou and Alan.

28:34And I leave you with this from Evelyn Waugh,

28:47when asked how he'd found his first battle.

28:50Like German opera, too long and too loud.

28:53Thank you and good night.

28:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

28:57APPLAUSE

29:07We were

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