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00:00Hey Tone, thanks so much for being my guest announcer.
00:05Ah, no problem.
00:06You know, you're the first person we've had returned from Season 1.
00:08Thanks so much for coming back in.
00:10I didn't come back in.
00:11I haven't left Channel 10 since the last show.
00:14That explains a lot.
00:19Morning Tone.
00:20Hey Sam.
00:25Thanks mate.
00:28Weird.
00:29You're watching 10 News.
00:30The government has hit back at criticism.
00:32Hey, can you put down quarters?
00:33I'm trying to keep my eight hours.
00:36Fired by James Packer following a controversial interview yesterday.
00:42What's going on here?
00:43Dinner.
00:44Something I threw together.
00:45That's your dinner.
00:46All the five food groups.
00:51Yoink.
00:52Hey.
00:53A low pressure trough will extend into Victoria tomorrow
00:56and that will cause widespread showers and storms.
00:59Hey Jane, what's today's top temperature?
01:01Uh, 17 in showers.
01:02Oh, good.
01:03Yeah.
01:07As we were saying.
01:11Live across Australia, this is Sam Pang Tonight.
01:15And now here's your host, Mr. Sam Pang.
01:21Wow.
01:27Thank you guys.
01:29Thank you very much.
01:30Wow.
01:31Good evening.
01:32And firstly, a big welcome back to my special guest announcer, the one, the only Tony Martin.
01:50Oh, thanks.
01:51Yes.
01:52I, uh...
01:56Good to see you, Tom.
01:57I never left, Sam.
01:58I've been hanging out in the abandoned offices of 10 Peach for the last six months.
02:04Where this show may end up, the way things are going by the way, Tom.
02:07It's great to have you here.
02:08Let's get on with it.
02:09We begin this week on the Gold Coast, where tens of thousands of year 12 students have descended for schoolies
02:15and authorities say the culture has changed.
02:18I'm not so sure.
02:19The school leavers are actually engaging in a lot more day-time activities
02:22that doesn't include excessive consumption of alcohol.
02:25Have a bit of alcohol!
02:26Have a cheeky beer!
02:27Four shots there, there's chick sots over there.
02:29A week of just drinking, I guess.
02:3416 schoolies blacked out during that clip alone.
02:37Any advice for the kids up there, Tom?
02:39Oh, uh, yeah, watch out for toolies, uh, the hoolie-doolies,
02:43and inflammation of the ghoulies.
02:51Well, also, please remember to use sunscreen, too, if you're up there.
02:54You don't want to get sunburn on your herpes.
03:00In political news this week, One Nation's Pauline Hanson
03:04is attempting to lure Barnaby Joyce to her party
03:07by making him a home-cooked meal.
03:11True story.
03:13Why do I have the feeling those two are about to come up with a brand-new slur?
03:20Either that or it's an elaborate trap to deport an Uber Eats delivery person.
03:26One or the other.
03:27In all seriousness, I would love to be a fly on the wall for that dinner.
03:30A fly that would listen for two minutes
03:32and then fly directly into the zapper to kill itself.
03:40But really, why is Pauline cooking dinner on a first date?
03:43It's Barnaby Joyce. Go for drinks, by the way.
03:45That man's a senator.
03:50Staying with politics, the G20 World Leaders Summit was in South Africa,
03:56but President Trump boycotted the event for an event closer to his heart.
04:02That's right, the McDonald's Global Impact Summit.
04:06Where, in some big news, he revealed his most controversial policy yet.
04:11Because no matter who you are, everyone loves something at McDonald's.
04:15I like the fish.
04:18I like it.
04:20You could do a little bit more tartar sauce stuff, please.
04:26The fillet of fish.
04:27The fillet of fish.
04:28Not my first choice.
04:30You know what?
04:31I was on board with that guy, but now I'm really starting to question his judgement.
04:36Moving on in some Neanderthal news and the discovery that kissing actually began more than 21 million years ago,
04:45with evidence that Neanderthals and early humans were likely to have kissed.
04:51Now, if you're curious what humans kissing Neanderthals look like,
04:55Love Island Australia is currently airing on Channel 9.
05:01Meanwhile, scientists also say it was around 20 million years ago
05:04that Neanderthal aunties first started kissing nephews on the lips.
05:10It's true, I remember that.
05:15Tone, this one's for you.
05:16The Tasmanian gallery Mona has reportedly lost $408 million since it opened in 2011.
05:22Now, here at Channel 10, we call that our business model.
05:29We'd actually kill for that number.
05:30Mona founder and gambling billionaire David Walsh says he doesn't mind losing $408 million.
05:37And for more stories like that, check out this week's edition of Unrelatable magazine.
05:42In some royal news, Meghan Markle has praised Prince Harry saying he loves me boldly.
05:49You can read more about that story in Who Gives a Shit magazine.
06:01Staying in Hollywood, and in a rare interview, Kevin Spacey has revealed that he's homeless.
06:06That's right. Tony, are you aware of this story?
06:07Yes, I've just read about it on page six of I Don't Give a Shit magazine.
06:19Is the name of that magazine again, Tony?
06:21It's Who Gives a Shit magazine?
06:25But they do a second edition. It's a later edition.
06:28Well, it was maybe in that edition that I read the article too.
06:31And Spacey says he's living in hotels and Airbnbs.
06:35So I suppose he's technically homeless, just like he's technically innocent.
06:40Sorry, we've got some Kevi Spaceen fans in here tonight.
06:45To some sporting news, and this is big news, the tiny Caribbean island of CuraƧao has qualified for the 2006 FIFA World Cup, becoming the smallest country ever to do so.
06:57Fantastic.
06:58Well done.
06:59CuraƧao! CuraƧao! CuraƧao! CuraƧao! CuraƧao! CuraƧao! CuraƧao! CuraƧao! CuraƧao!
07:06Alright, well, it's like we rehearsed it.
07:09Great news for CuraƧao. And in some sporting news from the future, the tiny Caribbean island of CuraƧao has become the smallest country to be eliminated from the 2026 FIFA World Cup.
07:23Good old CuraƧao forever. They don't know how to play the game.
07:32They're in the World Cup zone. Yeah.
07:33So that's good news. Is that a CuraƧao flag?
07:35No idea.
07:36Rightio.
07:39The name of that magazine again, Tony.
07:42They don't give a shit.
07:46Now here's some exciting food news this week. Over in the US, Heinz has unveiled their new leftover gravy sauce for Thanksgiving.
07:54I know, it's a novel concept to get your head around. The idea that Americans have leftovers.
08:01And Paul Kelly has already cashed in with his new Christmas single, How To Make Leftover Gravy.
08:06Another shameless cash grab from a sad, irrelevant artist way past his prime.
08:12Merry Christmas, Paul.
08:13And finally, congratulations to Miss Mexico, who was crowned Miss Universe 2025. Of course, things took a turn when Miss Jamaica hit the stage.
08:27Now, the competition has been plagued by scandals and a few mishaps, including this incident where Miss Jamaica lost her footing and took a tumble. She is fine.
08:40Nothing says fine like being wheeled off in a gurney.
08:43But don't worry, in some good news, she went on to win the Miss ICU competition. So, well done Miss Jamaica.
08:52My favourite part of the night, though, was when contestants showcased their national costumes and it was quite the spectacle.
08:58Sri Lanka.
09:00Tanzania.
09:02Bahamas.
09:04Australia.
09:06This gown is a wearable landscape inspired by Uluru.
09:10Pauline Hanson tried to climb that later on.
09:17Not a very nice moment.
09:19Norway's costume, though, was the stand-up.
09:22Norway.
09:25This salmon inspired gown mirrors both the delegates' movements as a baton twirler and the essence of Norway's leading export.
09:35She was fine as well, by the way, until Miss Japan turned her into sashimi.
09:43She was attacked by 200 cats shortly after that footage.
09:48Is that right, so 200 tones?
09:49200.
09:50Amazing.
09:51You know who else liked Miss Norway?
09:53I like the fish.
09:55OK, we've got a great show coming up.
09:57Tony Martin sticking around.
09:58I chat with Priscilla Fresley.
10:00And UK comedian Alan Davis is up next.
10:05We are watching Sam Pan Tonight.
10:13Tonight!
10:17Welcome back.
10:18Thank you, Tony.
10:19Tony, it's great to have you here.
10:21Thanks, Sam.
10:22I like that you're airing grievances during the break, but you were saying to me that you thought I missed something in the opening monologue.
10:27Yeah, I saw this, I was watching Sunrise, as I always do, and the weatherman Sam Mack was in South Africa.
10:35You knew who I was before I even got here.
10:38Yes, I did.
10:39What did you say when I first came over to you?
10:41I said you're Sam Peng, the Australian comedian.
10:45What do you make of that?
10:50I suppose all Australians look the same to them over there, aren't you?
10:57No, it's nice, you can always rely on sunrise if you want the weather in Johannesburg.
11:02So that's why I wake up with today.
11:05Hey, Tony, just some housekeeping by the way, so a lot of people might not know this, but you're in an electronic dance group called Arseless Chaps.
11:12Yes.
11:14Tell everyone about Arseless Chaps.
11:16It's two older men playing very loud electronic dance music with very silly lyrics about serious topics and very serious lyrics about silly topics.
11:26That's basically the gist of it.
11:29Yeah.
11:31Have we lost everyone?
11:35Why would I? Well, actually, I've seen it, it's a great show, but you've been on tour and I found this clip to show everyone.
11:41Oh.
11:48Yeah.
11:53That, um, that is a man who's had too many coffees.
11:57You're already in all white outfits, somehow you made that even whiter with the dancing, by the way.
12:04Um, I wanted to, uh, the other thing is too, I believe you really are, you're getting some things off your chest.
12:09I believe you have a bone to pick with me about something that happened on last week's show.
12:13Well, last week you had, if people didn't see it, you had a reunion of the cast of 80 BC and that was your very first show 16 years ago.
12:21When was it on? What was the time slot?
12:23Where it started or where it finished?
12:25Where did it finish?
12:26Where?
12:27What was the final?
12:28It started at 8.30 on a Thursday and finished at 3.55 on a Monday.
12:33Yeah.
12:34To be fair, I think the 3.50 lead-in was a bit weak.
12:38I think it was just a photo of Les Murray.
12:42That was all it was.
12:44Well, it was good to have it.
12:45Last week was interesting because it was like, it was like the show no one watched the first time was back.
12:49Yeah.
12:50And it was electric.
12:52You know, I was a big part of that show.
12:54Yeah, you did a lot of ex.
12:55Yeah, I think we've got a clip here of me.
12:57This is where Mussolini was hung and they buried him in an unmarked grave.
13:02Problem was, about a year later, some of his supporters found him, dug him up, held onto him for a couple of months.
13:08Oh, feral.
13:09Weekend at Benito's it was called.
13:12I saw that.
13:15Topical.
13:19So, who would have thought the dead bodies hanging in the square would fail to work as light entertainment?
13:25That was a funner show than people remember.
13:28Yeah, sure.
13:32Let's move on.
13:33We've done enough damage.
13:34My first guest tonight is a UK comedy legend who's written books and is currently touring Australia with his new stand-up show.
13:41Here's some of his work.
13:43Your time starts now.
13:44It's Alan Davis!
13:46Wow!
13:47Alan!
13:48Alan!
13:49So in a way it's the best bit.
13:50Oh no, he's going to blow leaves.
13:51What the hell happened?
13:52That's my favourite joke.
13:53Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
13:55Quite a floppy surprise.
13:57It's a corker.
13:59Please welcome the great Alan Davis.
14:01Thank you, sir.
14:02Have a seat down.
14:03Hi everyone.
14:04How are you?
14:05Good to see you.
14:06Good to see you.
14:07Good to see you.
14:08Thank you, sir.
14:09Thank you, sir.
14:10Have a seat down.
14:11Have a seat down.
14:12Are you comfy?
14:13Yeah.
14:14I've got quite a low seat.
14:15Oh my god, don't.
14:16Has that been mentioned before?
14:17Russell Crowe mentioned it.
14:18Did it?
14:19And basically insisted on swapping chairs for the radio while we talked about the movie Nuremberg.
14:36So that was fun.
14:37This is a big thrill for me because we've never actually met until now and even though the
14:46closest we've come is when you were on having been paying attention.
14:49Yes.
14:50But I wasn't there.
14:51Yes.
14:52Well, I did insist on that.
14:53Yeah.
14:54Well, you sat in my chair.
14:57How did you find that experience?
14:59How did it compare to Q1?
15:00I enjoyed it very much.
15:01Really?
15:02Yeah.
15:03Although it's pretty quick.
15:04Yeah.
15:05I think there's about 960 questions in the episode.
15:07Yes.
15:08And someone thought of something funny for everyone.
15:11It's usually Ed, I think it was.
15:13How did you enjoy working with Tom Gleisner?
15:16Or as I call him, the talking cadaver.
15:20He's an outstanding showbiz legend.
15:22It was great to meet him.
15:23Tom?
15:24Yeah.
15:25Great guy.
15:26First time you met him?
15:27Tony, you've been on that show.
15:32Yeah, it's a quiz.
15:33You're on that show way more than you deserve to be, by the way.
15:36Well, as I understand it, it's a quiz show where the idea is to get as few answers correct as possible.
15:42That's how I play it anyway.
15:45That's why you're not coming back next year.
15:47I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, Alan, because, fair to say, you were hilarious, but you did struggle with the basics.
15:55The Prime Minister and his wife, Sophie Gregoire Trudeau, have released a statement announcing...
16:00Announcing what?
16:01That he...
16:02Al, we need to buzz.
16:03No, no.
16:04There's one...
16:05There's one thing.
16:06There's one thing.
16:07It's the one thing to remember.
16:09Yeah, but what a reflex.
16:10I can hardly believe how quick I was.
16:11I asked about Tom.
16:12What about Ed Cavill, who's on the show, you know, a lot?
16:14He got to do two episodes with you.
16:15Do you remember your time with Ed?
16:16Well, there's just a voice behind you.
16:17Yes.
16:18So every time you speak, he's behind you going, there he is, there he is.
16:22There he is.
16:23Yeah.
16:24Yeah.
16:25Well, he had a great time and you'd be happy to know he sent you a message.
16:27Oh.
16:28Hi, Alan.
16:29Ed Cavill here.
16:30We met when you were filling in for Sam on having been paying attention and just want
16:33to say thank you so much.
16:34I mean the shows felt professional.
16:35They were on time.
16:36There was enough alcohol for everyone.
16:37Just the feeling of having a professional in that seat was incredible.
16:39So thank you again.
16:40I hope the tour goes great.
16:42And remember obviously listen to Dad, there's a big one.
16:45I just want to work on a whole other podcast.
16:49and just want to say thank you so much.
16:51I mean, the shows felt professional.
16:54We were on time.
16:55There was enough alcohol for everyone.
16:57Just the feeling of having a professional in that seat was incredible.
17:01So thank you again.
17:02Hope the tour goes great.
17:03And remember, most importantly,
17:04you haven't shopped around until you've tried Yui.
17:06Oh.
17:08Yeah.
17:10Wow.
17:14Just to explain, Ed does advertisements for Yui.
17:19Is he homeless?
17:21He is homeless, by the way.
17:22He is homeless.
17:24Alan, there's so much more to cover with you,
17:26including your new book and your stand-up tour.
17:28More Alan Davis after this.
17:42Welcome back.
17:43I'm here with Jameen and Alan Davis,
17:45the star of the long-running quiz show QI
17:47where correct answers are not necessarily the goal.
17:50Tony, you'd be perfect on that show, by the way.
17:53Alan, you once described yourself as the class dunce on QI.
17:57So you've done that show for a long time.
17:58How long did it take before you realised that you were the dunce?
18:01It took me about four years to realise that I was the class dunce.
18:03Four years?
18:04Yeah, it was a real case of if you don't know who the patsy is in the room.
18:10It's you.
18:10Because normally there's two captains in all those kind of shows.
18:14Yes.
18:14And then right from the off, I thought,
18:15I'm the only regular.
18:16Why am I the only regular?
18:18Why does this thing keep going off?
18:20What's happening?
18:21Yeah, I thought I was great.
18:22I think the same thing on Have You Been Paying Attention, by the way.
18:28So how long have you been doing that show?
18:3023 years.
18:31All right.
18:32Well, that's amazing.
18:3323 years.
18:36I love that.
18:37Applause for longevity.
18:38He's alive!
18:41Do you remember?
18:42What's like the one thing you remember from the show?
18:45I don't remember any of it.
18:46Any?
18:46Because you're one ear and out the other.
18:48Oh, wow.
18:49Yeah, really.
18:49The only thing I remember is when the Vikings went on looking for land,
18:54they would take a raven.
18:57And then they'd let it go.
18:59And then if it saw land, it would go to it.
19:01And they'd follow it.
19:03And if it didn't, it would come back to the boat.
19:05And they had to take a lot of ravens.
19:09Because guess what?
19:11They'd fly off.
19:16That's literally the only fact I remember.
19:19Well, that's a good one.
19:20Yeah.
19:21Ravens, that's stealing from your act, Tony, by the way.
19:24Well, I don't have a mobile phone, so I take ravens every year.
19:29Last question of QI, though, because you've been on every single episode except one.
19:34Oh, yeah.
19:34Why'd you miss that?
19:35I went to the Champions League final.
19:37I did warn them around about the quarterfinal that Arsenal might get through this year.
19:44Yeah.
19:44I'll do any other day in May, any day in June, just not May the 17th.
19:49Anyway.
19:50Is he a big Arsenal fan?
19:51Big Arsenal fan.
19:52So they, how do you, what was the result?
19:53Yeah, they lost.
19:53They lost.
19:59Could have stayed at home and got paid.
20:03Well, it's good that you're not letting your love of Arsenal get in the way of your professionalism,
20:07as seen here in this behind-the-scenes clip of QI.
20:10Anyone know the score?
20:12Is there a football on?
20:12Yeah, Arsenal are playing at home.
20:14It's a very inconsiderate scheduling, in my view.
20:17Yep.
20:185-1.
20:195-1, and I'm f***ing sitting here.
20:21I'm like...
20:22Right.
20:30I'll defend you, Alan.
20:32I once missed an episode of having been paying attention because of a cockfight in Bali.
20:37Let's go back, though, to 1994, and the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
20:46Yes.
20:46You were favourite to take home the trophy.
20:48Yeah.
20:49Odds on favourite.
20:50Odds on.
20:50Absolutely nailed on certainty.
20:53And what happened?
20:54Lenorm Woodley won.
21:00What was it?
21:01I don't know what happened there.
21:02How did you...
21:03Why were you even aware that you were, like, odds on?
21:05People kept telling me.
21:06It was me or Harry Hill.
21:08It's going to be you or Harry.
21:10It's going to be you or Harry.
21:11And then, I don't know what happened.
21:13The Aussies came through.
21:14Did you...
21:15On the...
21:15On the rail.
21:17Oh, Odds see other shows.
21:18Did you see the Lenorm Woodley show?
21:19Yeah, it was brilliant.
21:20Was it?
21:20It was brilliant.
21:21Well, you seem to have got over it.
21:22I'm over it.
21:25You seem to remember all the details, though.
21:27By the way, I'm glad you're over it because...
21:28Here's a heartwarming message from one half of Lenorm Woodley, Colin Lane.
21:35Alan Davis.
21:39Alan Davis.
21:41Why does your name keep on popping into my head?
21:44Alan Davis.
21:45Not so much a message, just a childish taunt, really.
21:57Yeah.
21:58Wendy, are you still mates with Lenorm Woodley?
22:01Well, until tonight.
22:01All right, I've been reading a new book.
22:06Well, here it is here.
22:07I've got to hold it up to one of them.
22:09Yeah, there it is.
22:10White male stand-up.
22:11That's me.
22:12It's a recent photo on the cover.
22:16And I genuinely have read this book,
22:18and I love your honesty about a show that you were in called
22:21A Many Splintered Thing.
22:23Oh, yeah.
22:23Where it was the greatest description ever, and I quote,
22:25I was not funny at any point in any episode.
22:28Alan, how...
22:32It's so true.
22:35But you're a funny man.
22:37How is that possible?
22:38I don't know how they did it.
22:40They applied some sort of anti-comedy to the scripts
22:43and turned everything round, face the other way,
22:47and became terribly sad.
22:50Was it supposed to be a comedy?
22:51It was a comedy, but basically the comedy was about a man
22:55who'd left his wife for a younger woman who he liked,
22:58which is exactly, I think, what the writer had done,
23:01and then he tried to just make it sound like the hero of that story.
23:05It's the man who's left his wife.
23:08But every time you saw him, he just saw...
23:10Oh, there he is again.
23:13How many eps?
23:15Too many.
23:16Far too many.
23:17I can't remember.
23:18About seven.
23:19I want to ask you two about, like, you're known for your flowing locks.
23:30Yeah, those days were good.
23:31Yeah.
23:32Well, they're still there, but I just want to point out
23:33that it wasn't always like this.
23:35Here you are in 1991 on the Jonathan Ross show.
23:38So to give us some male perspective on Cosmo life
23:40and the whole damn thing is the stand-up act that is Mr Alan Davis.
23:44Oh, wow.
23:49So how long were you in the army for?
23:51That's a tight...
23:54That's a tight number, isn't it?
23:56Yeah, that's 92, I think.
23:58When did you start growing it out?
23:59The following year, I met a girl who I was really keen on,
24:03and she said,
24:05I think you'd look better if you grew your hair out.
24:07And so I didn't cut it for a year.
24:09And then one day, I mean, she was having a shower or something,
24:11and I saw a photo in there,
24:13and it was her ex-boyfriend,
24:14and he had loads of...
24:15LAUGHTER
24:17LAUGHTER
24:17Hang on a minute, this is...
24:20That's what this has all been about?
24:23LAUGHTER
24:23This guy?
24:25LAUGHTER
24:25LAUGHTER
24:26And then I heard her coming,
24:28I had to quickly put it away.
24:29LAUGHTER
24:33Speaking...by the way, speaking of, you know, romance...
24:37Uh-huh.
24:37There is a story in the book about, you know,
24:40the subtle art of seduction involving you
24:44and some, you know, famous A-listers...
24:46Uh-huh.
24:47..including one, the star of Friends, Jennifer Aniston.
24:51Jennifer Aniston, yeah.
24:52Ooh!
24:53Yeah.
24:55Yeah, I know.
24:55Now you're back, that's good.
24:58Back in the room.
25:00I did a spot on The Prince's Trust,
25:02which is a big charity gala,
25:04all kinds of stars come on.
25:07I followed Phil Collins, I think.
25:09I remember following him,
25:10and he was singing a song called Where's My Hat,
25:12and he had his hat on his head.
25:14LAUGHTER
25:14Remember that, Tony?
25:16And I did it.
25:17I talked about it on your radio show,
25:18and you made it into a jingle for ages.
25:20LAUGHTER
25:21The Where's My Hat song.
25:23Where's my...
25:24He was wearing his hat, and then...
25:25And then Jennifer Aniston came on,
25:27and I saw her in the party afterwards,
25:29and I'd just done some stand-up about dogs,
25:32and she'd come over and she said,
25:33I like dogs.
25:34LAUGHTER
25:35I mean, that's someone just opening the door, isn't it?
25:40LAUGHTER
25:40That's all right.
25:41And I just went,
25:42ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
25:43LAUGHTER
25:44Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
25:46LAUGHTER
25:46Ha-ha-ha.
25:48And then she was gone.
25:50Yeah.
25:50Well, then the following year,
25:52she married Brad Pitt,
25:54so that really was a very short window.
25:56LAUGHTER
25:57And then the door was just shut again.
25:59LAUGHTER
26:00LAUGHTER
26:01God.
26:02But that, yeah, she was very...
26:03God, she was gorgeous.
26:05LAUGHTER
26:05I'm sure she still has regrets, you know what I mean?
26:08LAUGHTER
26:09Time will tell.
26:10Yeah, I think Brad Pitt's her main regret.
26:11Well...
26:12LAUGHTER
26:13And I had a similar experience at the Logies this year
26:15with Carrie-Anne Kennelly.
26:16LAUGHTER
26:17Now, Alan, this is great because you two...
26:21You two know each other,
26:22and I can't do this show alone,
26:23so it's time now for the...
26:26That's right.
26:29Over to you, Tony.
26:30Well, Alan, I'm a big fan of a show you did called Whites.
26:33Oh, yeah.
26:34Which was a sitcom, shown here on the ABC.
26:36Yeah, yeah.
26:37And in one episode,
26:39you had an Australian in it called Mark Little.
26:41Do we know Mark Little?
26:42He was Joe Mangle on Neighbours for years.
26:44Neighbours, yeah.
26:45And in this episode,
26:46he played a dodgy Australian businessman.
26:49And I'm always wondering...
26:51My question is,
26:52did you let him name his own character?
26:56Because I'm not sure that people in England
26:58would know what he was talking about
26:59when he announced himself.
27:00Can we show a clip of him saying who he is?
27:03Yeah, no, sorry, Bibb.
27:04Bibb Spears.
27:05Daryl Summers.
27:05How you going?
27:06LAUGHTER
27:07That was...
27:13That was big laughs.
27:14All through the episode,
27:15people are going,
27:16what's Daryl Summers doing?
27:19I'm assuming it was mystifying in England.
27:21No idea.
27:22Right.
27:22No idea.
27:23Great.
27:23It's not really a question.
27:24It's just showing a clip.
27:26But anyway.
27:26I've got one last thing to...
27:30I don't know how that got here.
27:31Sorry about that.
27:32I wanted to ask you one thing.
27:34I'm about to go into...
27:35I'm about to do some acting.
27:38Have you got any tips?
27:41Well, I always say,
27:42if in doubt,
27:43do nothing.
27:44Just...
27:45I can...
27:45Stay completely still.
27:49And then they'll just cut around you.
27:50LAUGHTER
27:51As soon as you start doing things,
27:54it goes really wrong.
27:57It's a bit like being a...
27:58How's this?
27:58Yeah, yeah.
28:00So just do nothing.
28:02If they can cut to that,
28:02you see what you did there?
28:03They could just keep going back to that.
28:06I'm feeling good.
28:07I'm playing a character called Daryl Summers, Tony.
28:09You'll be right.
28:10Alan Davis is touring Australia
28:12right now with his stand-up show,
28:14Think Ahead.
28:15Yeah.
28:15And...
28:16Got to think ahead.
28:17What can we expect?
28:18Any a lot of props?
28:20A couple of songs?
28:20No.
28:22No props, no songs.
28:23No.
28:24The byline for the show
28:25is I spend more time in the pharmacy
28:27than the gym.
28:29LAUGHTER
28:29So...
28:31Yeah, it covers all topics
28:35that are relevant to our age.
28:36All right, I've got to finish.
28:37Dates all around Australia.
28:39Look out for Alan
28:40when he's in your town.
28:41I want to say one question.
28:43Is it true that you love sun-dried tomatoes?
28:45I really love them,
28:47but I think of them as a delicacy.
28:50As in, do you eat them every day?
28:51I'll open a jar
28:52and I'll have one or two.
28:55I was on a podcast with Catherine Ryan,
28:57a very funny Canadian comedian,
28:59and she said to me,
28:59you know, Alan,
29:00they're your tomatoes,
29:01you can have the whole jar.
29:04So it was a real revelation to me.
29:06LAUGHTER
29:06Well, I want you to remember Catherine Ryan's words
29:10as I give you this...
29:11No-one leaves empty-handed, Alan.
29:13LAUGHTER
29:13These are some Sampang Tonight sun-dried tomatoes.
29:16Where are we going over here?
29:17LAUGHTER
29:18These are for you
29:19to do whatever you please.
29:23Oh, they do look good.
29:24They do look good?
29:25They look really good.
29:26There you go.
29:27LAUGHTER
29:28LAUGHTER
29:29All right, I want to sincerely say this.
29:32It's been an honour to finally meet you, Alan.
29:34I really appreciate it.
29:35Please thank Alan Davis.
29:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
29:37My chap is Priscilla Presley, up next.
29:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
29:42Welcome back.
29:54Now, here's something I still can't get used to.
29:57Having my own show means that sometimes
29:58I get to speak to living legends like this.
30:01Priscilla Presley.
30:02What do we have here?
30:04I'm packing J.R.
30:05What's a nice girl like me doing Waiting on Tables?
30:07I have a lot to say.
30:08Being married to Elvis Presley.
30:10I love him to this day.
30:11I have a lot of memories.
30:12How hot and wet do you like it?
30:16Now, I caught up with Priscilla Presley during the week
30:19who has a new book out called Softly As I Leave You.
30:22I actually didn't get sent the book.
30:25But very, very exciting.
30:27I did receive a PDF of the book.
30:29LAUGHTER
30:31Hey, Sam.
30:32Yes, Sam.
30:33All of my books are out on PDF.
30:35LAUGHTER
30:37LAUGHTER
30:38I think that makes them easier to pulp, then.
30:40But I did get the PDF and I read it cover to cover.
30:44Now, this PDF does get a mention in my chat.
30:47Enjoy.
30:48Priscilla Presley, it's an absolute honour.
30:52I loved the book.
30:53I read it.
30:55Well, actually, not the book.
30:56The PDF that you had to publish.
30:57Yes.
30:58So that was magnificent.
31:00Did you hand write or did you type?
31:03I wrote.
31:04You wrote?
31:04Yes.
31:05Handwritten?
31:05Yes.
31:05Fountain pen?
31:06No.
31:07A special pen?
31:07No, because I need to erase some things, you know.
31:10Can't do that with a phone.
31:11That's true.
31:12That's true.
31:12That's a good point.
31:13The book obviously covers your time with Elvis.
31:16He read philosophy to you at 3am in the morning.
31:18Yes.
31:19And also carried a loaded gun.
31:20Yes.
31:21He sounds like an exciting...
31:23Yeah.
31:24Sounds like there's a...
31:25Yeah.
31:26Lots to unpack there.
31:27Which one did you prefer?
31:28Both.
31:31He would read.
31:32He was a reader.
31:33Yeah.
31:34And he would read sometimes until three in the morning.
31:35And he expected me to be there awake too, because he could read to me.
31:39What did you do when you started to get tired?
31:41I started yawning.
31:42Of course, that's what happened.
31:44You know, we would talk and watch TV.
31:46There were some shows there that we would watch continuously.
31:49Same thing with movies.
31:50If he liked a movie, we didn't see it once.
31:53We didn't see it twice.
31:54We didn't see it three times.
31:56We saw it at least 12 times.
31:58Did you ever watch his movies together?
32:01No.
32:02He didn't want to see it.
32:03He didn't want to see himself.
32:04Do you think he would have liked The Naked Gun?
32:06I do.
32:07I do think he would.
32:08Yes.
32:09Because he loved comedy.
32:10Yeah.
32:11And I think he would really like it.
32:12I've seen it about 12 times too.
32:14It just stands up.
32:15It's so funny still.
32:16Yeah, it is.
32:17Yeah.
32:18And he was fun to work with.
32:19Leslie was great.
32:20I miss him very, very much.
32:22I felt we lost him way too soon.
32:24I never met him, but I miss him too.
32:26Yeah.
32:27Also, is it true that when you auditioned or first met him that he sat on a whoopee cushion?
32:33Yes.
32:34Did you know?
32:35So he sat on...
32:36I never even heard of a whoopee cushion.
32:37Well, that's one of them there.
32:38Do you remember that?
32:39Don't worry.
32:40I'm not going to.
32:41I carry one just in case.
32:42Please.
32:43I just broke the ice.
32:44But he sat on that and...
32:45Oh, no.
32:46I sat on it.
32:47Not him.
32:48Right.
32:49Sorry.
32:50He told me to sit in the chair and I sat down.
32:51The darn thing went off.
32:52And I'm like...
32:53I'm like appalled.
32:55But everybody else was laughing knowing this is what he did.
32:59Yeah.
33:00And I just...
33:01You know what I did?
33:02It broke the ice.
33:03Yes.
33:04It broke the ice.
33:05And we became really good friends after that.
33:07The condom scene.
33:08Uh-huh.
33:09You have fun memories of that person.
33:11I do very much.
33:12Yeah.
33:13We couldn't stop laughing.
33:15It was very...
33:16I think we did ten times.
33:18And...
33:19Oh, yeah.
33:20The director's going, this is it.
33:21And I kept saying that the whole time anyway.
33:24But Leslie, I had no idea that he was funny because he played serious parts.
33:28Yeah.
33:29But he was so much fun and we had so much laughter that it wasn't even work.
33:34Did you see Baz Luhrmann's movie about Elvis?
33:37Yes, I did see it.
33:38I liked it a lot.
33:39Lisa and I went together.
33:40Wow.
33:41And, you know, we were, you know, very intense.
33:43We didn't, you know, where he was going with the movie.
33:45Yeah.
33:46But she liked it very much.
33:48Were you happy with the characters who played you and Lisa?
33:50Were you each if it happened?
33:51Yeah, I thought they did a good job.
33:53I mean, they were very nervous, obviously.
33:55We're watching it.
33:56We're gonna...
33:57They know we're gonna watch the movie.
33:58Yeah.
33:59But they did a great job.
34:00They really did.
34:01They did their homework.
34:02They practiced every day.
34:04You know, they were quite nervous.
34:05I mean, when you're doing a film on someone,
34:07and they're there who you're doing it about watching.
34:10Yeah.
34:11You know, it's nerve wracking.
34:12And Austin Butler, an Australian played Elvis.
34:14He was great.
34:15He was great.
34:16Austin was great.
34:17I auditioned for that role.
34:18You did?
34:19Yep.
34:20Yep.
34:21Oh God, I would've thought you would've...
34:22Didn't get a call back.
34:23Oh dear, I wonder why.
34:24I've got a...
34:25I've got a good reason.
34:26Um...
34:27I didn't know you were a comedian, by the way.
34:28Was that you didn't?
34:29I didn't know you were a comedian.
34:30A lot of people, after speaking with me for a little while, don't know either.
34:33They don't...
34:34It's...
34:35It's...
34:36It's...
34:37It's...
34:38It's probably...
34:39Yes.
34:40Alright, this is a big one.
34:43This is in the book.
34:44You said that you wrote that Elvis had a drug-addicted chimpanzee named Scatter.
34:49This is one thing I was interested in, so I did a bit more research.
34:52He loved whiskey and upskirting.
34:54It was a different time back then.
34:56Uh-huh.
34:57Yeah.
34:58What was he like?
34:59Scatter.
35:00Scatter was great, but he was so mischievous.
35:02Yeah.
35:03And Elvis loved when he was mischievous.
35:04I love it.
35:05I mean, literally, the cooks would...
35:07At that time, the maids wore dresses.
35:10And Scatter would come in, and while they're cooking, he picks up the dresses.
35:14And they didn't know what to do.
35:16They're going, Scatter, get away from here.
35:17Get away from here, Scatter.
35:18And he'd go...
35:19And he'd start...
35:20He loved it.
35:21So he...
35:22It was almost like he knew he was being funny.
35:24Yeah.
35:25And he was...
35:26He was a trip.
35:27He really was.
35:28Scatter sounds very similar to...
35:29So, Sand Bang Tonight, my show, has a...
35:31Has a mascot.
35:32Uh-huh.
35:33And it's called Contagious George.
35:34Oh.
35:35And he is a COVID and...
35:36Is this for real?
35:37Yeah, this is the...
35:38Is that a monkey?
35:39Yeah, it's a COVID and STD riddled monkey.
35:42I love you.
35:43Yeah, but...
35:44And I just...
35:45Can I just see it?
35:46Yeah, absolutely.
35:47That's Contagious George.
35:48Okay.
35:49He's a big hit on the show.
35:50Just want to show everybody this.
35:55To hang out with.
35:57Yeah, he's a lot of fun.
35:58I reckon him and...
35:59Do you think him and Scatter would have got along well?
36:01No, I think Scatter would run.
36:03Which I'm going to do now.
36:05But before I go, I was just wondering, can you...
36:07Do you mind signing my PDF?
36:08Yes, I do.
36:09Thank you very much.
36:10I really appreciate it.
36:11I'll get the book during the week.
36:13Thank you so much.
36:14I really appreciate it.
36:15And thank you so much because that has been a lot of fun.
36:19That's right.
36:24Priscilla Presley, I'm glad you all enjoyed the subtle way I snuck in a Naked Gun reference.
36:29I really appreciate that.
36:30I didn't get the book during the week but I will treasure this signed PDF from Priscilla Presley forever.
36:35Check out her tour.
36:36An audience with the Priscilla Presley, Life After Elvis.
36:39More Sampang tonight in a moment.
36:41Welcome back.
36:42Sam Pang tonight.
36:43We've had Alan Davis.
36:44We've had Priscilla Presley.
36:45Tony Martin, you're still here?
36:46Yes.
36:47No, it's so wonderful that you're here.
36:48Now listen, we talked about Arseless Chaps earlier on but anything else to promote?
36:58My podcast, Sizzletown, the 100th episode comes out next week.
37:02Yeah.
37:03Well done.
37:05It's so wonderful, it's so beautiful to hear.
37:06Now listen, we talked about Arseless Chaps earlier on but anything else to promote?
37:11My podcast Sizzletown, the 100th episode comes out next week.
37:16Well done.
37:19Just for those who haven't listened to it because it's a very, very popular podcast,
37:25but those who haven't heard it, how would you describe it?
37:27It's a fake talkback show where I play the host and all of the callers.
37:32So, for eight years, I've been sitting in a wardrobe in my house talking to myself.
37:39And for most of that time, a child who lives in the house next door to me has been learning to play the tuba.
37:46So, I'll literally be 20 seconds into a bit and it'll just be...
37:50It sounds like a cartoon drunk is walking up the street.
37:57When will he learn?
37:59Yeah.
38:00It's great to have you on the show.
38:01Usually in this segment, we have the great Oliver Clarke at the News Lounge.
38:06I love Oliver Clarke's News Lounge and I have to say, a thing he did on his first appearance,
38:12I cannot...
38:13In our house, if Erin Patterson comes on TV, we just automatically start singing Mushroom Lady.
38:22Talking about Mushroom Lady.
38:25And I think she's having like a retrial next year and if Oliver isn't there singing that song,
38:30as she walks into the courtroom...
38:32LAUGHTER
38:33There is something seriously wrong with justice in this country.
38:36LAUGHTER
38:37Well said, Tony.
38:38Hey, you often describe yourself as a comedy icon.
38:41And...
38:42LAUGHTER
38:42Speaking of comedy icons, Aunty Donna have been making hilarious sketch comedy for over a decade.
38:48There they are, the boys, Mark, Broden and Zach.
38:51Now, they're about to head out on tour.
38:53One problem, Zach is nowhere to be found.
38:56So this week, Mark and Broden held auditions to replace him.
39:00Here's how they went.
39:00How'd you go?
39:09What's up for him?
39:11Good luck.
39:12LAUGHTER
39:13Who's next?
39:18So I think Shannon Noll.
39:20Yeah.
39:20Hello?
39:22Are you ready?
39:23OK.
39:23Is there a desk?
39:24No, no, I don't think so.
39:26Well, anyway, I'm up for anything.
39:27What do you want?
39:28Ah, how much work have you done with pool noodles?
39:31I'm ready.
39:33OK.
39:34Now we're cooking.
39:36This I like.
39:38That's awesome.
39:39Pfft, damn it.
39:42That was really good.
39:43Really good.
39:44I loved it.
39:45All right, I'm starting to flounder.
39:46I've got one more.
39:47Stay there.
39:48Yeah.
39:48So we said he's starting to flounder, so maybe when he comes back in, I'll be Sebastian and
39:52you'll be king time.
39:53No, no, no.
39:53What do you reckon?
39:55Oh, yeah, that's just awful.
40:00Well, thanks, Sam.
40:01We'll let you know.
40:01We'll be in contact.
40:04That's nice.
40:08Has someone done the banana?
40:10Yes, but not this well.
40:11I can get on board with this.
40:13Sir, I've never been horning it.
40:15I want to kill you up and eat you right now.
40:17Let's do it.
40:18I want to see your skin.
40:19I can do brown as well.
40:20No, no, no, it's not necessary.
40:22I wouldn't think so.
40:23Let's not go brown.
40:25Okay.
40:25I don't mind this banana.
40:26You've got the gig.
40:28This is fantastic.
40:29That's great.
40:29Thanks, Andrew.
40:30We'll be in touch, Andrew Denton.
40:32That's great.
40:34Wow.
40:35So, I thought it was yours.
40:39Quite the betrayal for you there, Tyne.
40:40I thought you were happy on this show.
40:42Aunty Donna are touring this December.
40:44Check them out.
40:44They are, it's an amazing show, so don't miss it.
40:47Now, moving on, we've been flooded with questions about our mascot, Contagious George.
40:52Has he got a podcast?
40:55Is he going to schoolies?
40:56Is he dating Priscilla Presley?
40:59Yes to all of the above, by the way.
41:01This week, though, we've got huge news, Tone.
41:03Really?
41:03Contagious George is branching out and he's released a new fragrance.
41:07No.
41:08That's right.
41:09Now, of course, we're all familiar with the fragrance ads such as this.
41:12Sauvage Lixier.
41:22Johnny Depp there, Tone.
41:24Yeah.
41:24You know who loves that fragrance?
41:25Who?
41:26Amber Heard.
41:28Just tipping it down the sink.
41:32Well, based on that, by the way, it's time now for the world premiere of Contagious George's
41:37new fragrance.
41:38Yeah.
41:44We're still going next.
41:45We're still going next.
41:53We're still going, Doc.
41:57We're still going, Doc.
41:59We're still going, Doc.
42:00I'm sorry.
42:01You've experienced listening.
42:02And talking to Rodney what?
42:03I don't know.
42:04I've just got a little minute to the year or two years.
42:06Contagion by George
42:18You can catch anything
42:21Here it is
42:27Look at that
42:28By the way, here we go
42:31Just for someone in the crowd there
42:33Look at that
42:34STDs for all of you now
42:36That's great
42:36By the way, Contagion by George
42:38Is available at Chemist Warehouse
42:40You'll find it next to the Chlamydia Antibiotics
42:43Back in a moment with the Wheel of Segments
42:46Welcome back
42:58But just before we finish
43:01It's time for the
43:02Wheel of Segments
43:05Let's do that again
43:07It's time for the
43:08Wheel of Segments
43:10Alrighty, here we go
43:13Let's see what we've got
43:14We all know how it works, don't we?
43:16Wheel of Segments, of course, brought to you this week by Contagion by George
43:19And who gives a shit magazine
43:22Alright, we know how it works, Tone
43:24I'm going to give it a spin wherever it lands
43:26That's where we go, okay?
43:28What have we got on there?
43:29So many to choose from, Tone
43:31I think there's one about me, is there there?
43:33Which one is it?
43:34Tony Martin debates a toddler
43:36Oh, and it's going to be immigration
43:40So it's going to be an excellent
43:41Ozempic or heroin
43:44Oh, wow
43:45Audience cage fight, name that disorder
43:48There's lots going on here
43:49There's so many we don't want it to stop on
43:52Rickshaw karaoke, it has landed on that before
43:54It's in Rogers and I
43:55That was fantastic
43:56And where are we up to?
43:57Oh, Tone, you're in chance
43:58Hang on, what's this going on?
43:59WWF, I don't even know what that is
44:01Audience cage fight
44:02Real Housewives of Pitcairn Island
44:04Okay, let's just hope it lands shortly
44:07Because we're running out of time
44:09Is that landed?
44:10WWF
44:11WWF it's landed on
44:13What?
44:14What's WWF?
44:16Let's find out what that is
44:17The Wrestling Weather Federation
44:24Wow
44:25Come with me
44:27There's a current trend of wrestlers
44:30Pivoting to acting and broadcasting
44:32So here to present the forecast
44:33From the Wrestling Weather Federation
44:35We have
44:36The Weatherman
44:37Thank you for being here, Weatherman
44:46I'm loving your energy
44:47Tell me what's happening around the country
44:49It's Mr Weatherman to you, pencil neck
44:52In Sydney
44:54Expect cloudy skies
44:56And temperatures will warm
44:58Into the low to mid-twenties
44:59With a gentle breeze
45:01Coming through the south-west in the afternoon
45:04Gentle breeze
45:07Gentle breeze
45:07Gentle breeze in Brisbane
45:09Amazing
45:09What about, uh
45:11That wasn't in Brisbane
45:12That was in, um
45:13No, it's Sydney
45:15Sydney, sorry, Weather
45:16I'm so sorry
45:16Employed Dexter
45:17Sorry, sorry
45:18I'm really into this
45:19Alright, Mr Weatherman
45:20What about Brisbane?
45:21It's gonna rain
45:22Well, listen to you, you little twerp
45:26There's a storm coming, brother
45:29Heavy gusty winds and downpours all night long
45:32So get an umbrella
45:34Unless you wanna get wet
45:37Mr Weatherman
45:39Mr Weatherman
45:40Oh, you're gonna get soaked
45:41Oh, you're gonna get wet
45:43Alright
45:44Alright
45:44Mr Weatherman, I'm loving your energy
45:50This is hyped in
45:51But just, uh, just before we get to Perth
45:53Could you just do a straight one
45:54For the people in Perth?
45:55Tomorrow looks picture perfect
45:5726 degrees and plenty of bright, uninterrupted sunshine
46:01From morning through late afternoon
46:03Wow, I love it
46:04That's great
46:04But on the weekend
46:0520% chance of rain
46:08And 100% chance
46:11Of pain
46:13What the hell's going on?
46:15Whoa
46:16Alright
46:17Sorry, Mr Weatherman
46:19We're just having a
46:20We need to IT
46:21Whoa
46:22Oh my God
46:23Turn
46:28Yes
46:29Blocked a run
46:30And on three
46:32Yes
46:33Sam Payne to the left
46:35Yes
46:36Woohoo
46:37Boom
46:38Whoa
46:39Alright
46:40That's
46:41That's our show
46:43Big thanks to our amazing guests
46:45Alan Davies
46:46Priscilla Presley
46:46Aunty Donna
46:47My special guest announcer
46:48Tony Martin
46:49The Weatherman
46:50The IT guy
46:51Rest in peace
46:53Next week
46:54Colin Hay
46:55Tom Cashman
46:56Becky Lucas
46:56Our final show for this
46:58For the season
46:58Goodnight Australia
46:59And the low pressure truck
47:05Will cause widespread instability
47:07Across the state tomorrow
47:08Hey, sorry
47:09Sorry
47:10What's the talk
47:10We're just live
47:13But 17 in showers
47:14Oh, okay
47:14Thanks, sorry
47:15Mushroom lady
47:18Talking about mushroom lady
47:22Thank you
47:24dredge
47:25You
47:39You
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