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00:00I said English breakfast.
00:02Hey, Sam.
00:03Hey, Lawrence.
00:04Mate, I need something for segment five.
00:06I've got my own impersonations.
00:07Malcolm Turnbull?
00:08Good on you, Sam.
00:09You're a great guy and a great constituent.
00:11My favourite month of the year is February.
00:14Anyone else?
00:15Borny? Shane Bourne.
00:17Sensational stuff.
00:19Thank God you're here.
00:20I was in city homicide.
00:22I love you, Borny, but it is 2025.
00:25What about Sam Pang?
00:27He's one of the greats.
00:28I believe he's one of the bad people saying it.
00:31He's sensational.
00:32I don't even know who that is.
00:33That's fake news.
00:34Anyone else?
00:35I can do the president of China.
00:37You can do Xi Jinping.
00:39Accent and...
00:40No, no.
00:41Anyone else?
00:47Who is that?
00:48Rob Harris.
00:49We're going to need something for segment five.
00:51Three, four, timey kangaroo down.
00:53Four, timey kangaroo down.
00:55Pull together now.
00:57Live across Australia, this is Sam Pang tonight.
01:02And now here's your host, Mr. Sam Pang.
01:07Hello.
01:08Hello.
01:10How are you?
01:12How are you guys?
01:15Thank you very much.
01:17Where are we?
01:18Good evening.
01:19And firstly, a big welcome to my special guest announcer, my friend, Mr. Lawrence Mooney.
01:33Yes.
01:34Thank you, Sam.
01:35Good to see you, Lawrence.
01:36Thank you, Sam.
01:37Good to see you, Lawrence.
01:38So nice to be here.
01:40Series two, episode five.
01:42We...
01:43I thought we were closer.
01:45Because you have, and this is a fact, you've emceed two of my weddings.
01:49And you've left it till now.
01:54And thank you, because it hasn't been great up until now.
01:58So you've just been breaking it in.
02:00It's not.
02:01I know it is.
02:03It's...
02:04I feel bad that it's taken this long to have you on.
02:06You're, you know, a close personal friend of mine.
02:08And it is a miracle, considering how clear your schedule is.
02:14But welcome, because you're here tonight.
02:16And it's been a big week of news and a massive week for everyone's favourite mineral,
02:21zirconium.
02:22That's right.
02:23Zirconium!
02:24Zirconium!
02:25Zirconium!
02:26Zirconium!
02:27Zirconium!
02:28Zirconium!
02:29Zirconium!
02:30Zirconium!
02:31One for the fans of the periodic table over there.
02:34That's good.
02:35That's right.
02:36A Four Corners report found Australia is China's main supplier for zirconium,
02:40a mineral vital in the production of nuclear weapons.
02:43So, it's a healthy relationship, by the way.
02:45We are China's biggest supplier of zirconium.
02:48And China is our biggest supplier of cars, electronics, and storylines for Bondi Rescue.
02:54Not that hard, just swim between the flags.
03:02Hey, Lawrence, any thoughts about zirconium?
03:06People called me an idiot when I started hoarding zirconium, Sam.
03:11Well, now the laugh's on them.
03:13Zirconium, my own urine and plastic bags, I'm the winner.
03:17And people often ask me if you're writing a manifesto.
03:24It wouldn't be a week without royal news, and in a refreshing change of pace, we're actually
03:29talking about a different royal.
03:30That's right, Princess Anne has touched down in Australia, and she's here for two reasons.
03:35One, for Remembrance Day, and two, huge Oasis fan.
03:44Princess Anne will also be doing official visits in Queensland and Victoria.
03:48She's here on behalf of the royal family as part of the Are We All Good Tour?
03:56It makes sense, by the way, especially after this week's push to rename a street in Melbourne
04:00called Prince Andrew Avenue, this is true.
04:03That street is going to be renamed.
04:05A little-known fact, that's actually the only street in the world where the speed limit is 16.
04:16Here's one of the residents sharing her insights on the matter.
04:20If the majority wants to change it, there's nothing I can do about it.
04:25Anyway, I'm not going to be here for that long anyway.
04:30Some big television news this week, with the government introducing new legislation forcing
04:38streaming services to make Australian shows.
04:40That's great news.
04:42Remotes will now come with a dedicated Asher Keddie button.
04:47I loved her in The Offspring.
04:54That's not the name of that show, is it?
04:55It's just Offspring.
04:56OK.
04:58You should be ashamed of yourself.
05:00I've actually got a suggestion for Disney Plus, by the way.
05:03They should continue to expand the Star Wars universe with this new one, the Pang-de-Lorean, by the way.
05:12And accompanied, of course, by Baby Yoda, played by this promising up-and-coming comedian.
05:17End of my career, I am at.
05:24I'll do anything for a quid, Sam.
05:26I'm well aware.
05:27That's why I'm here.
05:28Yep, I'm well aware.
05:29But it's some great ideas.
05:32I've got an idea.
05:34For new shows?
05:35Yeah, absolutely.
05:36What do you got?
05:37For new developers?
05:38Crime Starters.
05:41It's just following me around with a brick.
05:48OK.
05:49Any others?
05:50What about, and stick with me here, Sam.
05:53What about Sam Pang Tonight, but hosted by Hamish Blake?
05:57No.
05:59I think he'd be good.
06:00Hamish is a very talented man, but I'm not sure he could pull this off.
06:05He does, behind your back.
06:08And he does the eyes as well.
06:10Wow, OK.
06:12Like I said, a talented man.
06:15Now, in some North Korean news, Kim Yong-nam, who served under three dictators, has died in an unprecedented manner for North Korea.
06:24Natural causes.
06:27What?
06:28I know.
06:29There he is there, at the age of 97.
06:30I know what you're thinking.
06:31Why is it always the hot ones that go first?
06:35Now, Kim Jong-un.
06:36Yes.
06:37Readily kills people.
06:38Without a doubt.
06:39Especially if you're an uncle.
06:41But, but his hairdresser is still alive.
06:44I mean, go figure.
06:46No, bro.
06:49I think yours will be joining him pretty soon too, by the way.
06:52The list of Grammy nominees was released on the weekend, and I'm happy to say it's finally happened.
07:02That's right.
07:03The Dalai Lama is up for a Grammy.
07:05Yes!
07:09Llama, Llama, Llama, Llama, Llama, Llama, Llama, Llama, Llama, Llama.
07:13Come on.
07:14Come on.
07:15Come on, Llama.
07:16It's always good to have a horse in the race.
07:17This is real news.
07:18He's been nominated in the category of Best Audiobook Narration.
07:22Now, if he wins, I would keep an eye out on Kanye storming the stage
07:26and yelling,
07:27Yo, llama, I'm going to let you finish,
07:29but Mein Kampf is the best audiobook of all time.
07:34Just keep an eye out for that one.
07:36The fallout to the Louvre heist continues
07:39with the revelations about the museum's security password.
07:42A security audit at Paris' Louvre Museum
07:45in the wake of the heist
07:47has revealed the password for the museum's surveillance system
07:50was simply Louvre.
07:55How did that password even get accepted?
07:59No matter how many numbers and special characters I try,
08:02it always says too short and too weak.
08:06Which, to be honest,
08:08to be honest, always feels like a bit of a personal attack,
08:10to be honest.
08:12Now, just imagine that Louvre...
08:14Imagine the Louvre setting up that security system.
08:16Let's play it out here.
08:17Did you do the password?
08:19Why?
08:19Uh, sure.
08:20I have.
08:21Yes.
08:21And you've got the...
08:22Maybe in the accent?
08:24No.
08:25So not the Indian accent that I just did?
08:28You've got the capital L?
08:30Yes.
08:31Yeah, the capital L.
08:32It's in there, Sam.
08:34It's lunchtime.
08:35Come on, let's wrap this up.
08:36You don't want to...
08:37You don't want to do the one, two, or three afterwards?
08:39No, no, no, no, Louvre is fine.
08:41The baguettes are on me.
08:44Let's...
08:45Let's skedaddle.
08:48It's French, Sam.
08:49Hard...
08:49Hard to believe that went worse in rehearsal.
08:54And yet we still did it, Moon.
08:55And in some showbiz news, 79-year-old singer Cher has hit back at criticism over the 40-year-old
09:01age gap with her boyfriend.
09:03Alexander Edwards is his name.
09:05And the 39-year-old boyfriend defended himself, saying he's a big MILF guy.
09:12As in, man, I love funerals.
09:14Because she's going to die soon.
09:20If...
09:21If only she could turn back time, Sam.
09:27Shooting the lights out.
09:29I'm shooting the lights out.
09:32Staying in Hollywood, and after eight years, Meghan Markle is making a return to acting in
09:37a soon-to-be-released rom-com.
09:39Her previous work, of course, includes Suits, an appearance in the movie Get Him to the Greek,
09:44and, in my opinion, her greatest performance, pretending he'd be sad at the Queen's funeral.
09:53And to finish...
09:55Some sporting news.
09:57The ex-wife of NFL star Matt Khalil has confessed that their marriage ended in part due to the
10:03size of his penis.
10:05Apparently, apparently he was simply too big.
10:09In some unrelated news...
10:11How's your marriage, Moon?
10:18It's going strong, Sam.
10:21Couldn't be better.
10:22Excellent.
10:23We've got a great show coming up.
10:24Lawrence Mooney will be joining us for the whole show.
10:26I chat to Eddie Izzard and Lord Ian Botham.
10:29Sam, to the diary room.
10:42Sam, you've been reluctant to promote our show.
10:45Why?
10:45I'll tell you why, big brother.
10:47Because cross-promotion is not my deal.
10:49Or no deal.
10:50Monday to Friday, 7 o'clock, right here on 10th.
10:53Cheers, big brother.
10:53Have you been paying attention?
10:55Returning next year.
10:56Sam, what do you think of the chair?
11:00She's not bad, big brother.
11:01Quite like it.
11:03I have been having some issues with the guest chair on my show.
11:07Actually.
11:15Sam?
11:15Yes, big brother?
11:16What are you looking for?
11:18I'm looking for Ed Cabley's career.
11:20I feel like I'm in a professional booth.
11:22Sometimes when I'm at the supermarket, I squeeze all the avocados, and then I don't buy any of them.
11:28And so sometimes.
11:30I mean all the time.
11:31Hey, big brother, do you do requests?
11:32Not a chance.
11:34What about Sylvester Stallone in Rocky?
11:35That's a hard pass.
11:37Didn't you do Julia Roberts in the bookstore in Notting Hill?
11:40I am also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.
11:47Yes.
11:48Anything else, big brother?
11:49By the way, Ed Cabley is my absolute favourite on Have You Been Paying Attention?
11:55Fuck you, big brother.
11:56Boom.
11:57Boom.
11:59Boom.
12:02Welcome back.
12:03You're watching Hamish Blake tonight.
12:09Thank you, Lawrence.
12:11Big brother house, big thrill.
12:12So, you went, is it still a dream world?
12:15Yes, it is a dream world.
12:16And tell me, what happened there?
12:18Did you meet some of the Big Brother contestants?
12:21Did you meet Big Brother?
12:22What goes on?
12:23Well, I went into the diary room, as you saw.
12:25What is that?
12:26Is it a hamburger or a mouth or?
12:29If you look.
12:31What is that?
12:32If you look closely, it looks like something else, by the way.
12:35No, I looked closely.
12:38I'm not going to lie, going into that room, my IQ dropped by 35 points straight away, by
12:43the way.
12:44It was brutal.
12:45But, no, it was a big thrill to sit in the same chair as, you know, Hot Dog.
12:49And other people I can't remember.
12:53Hot Dog went on to a great career.
12:55Was it The Vault that Hot Dog used to host?
12:57Really?
12:58I think so.
13:00You're young, Sam.
13:01You wouldn't remember.
13:02Hey, you know, it's wonderful that you're here, Lawrence.
13:05Finally.
13:06All right.
13:08But you're living in country New South Wales at the moment.
13:11Yeah, that's right.
13:12I live in Barrel.
13:13Yeah, so how's life in...
13:13Barrel.
13:14How's life in...
13:15Are you doing it as Malcolm Turnbull the whole night?
13:16I am doing it as Malcolm Turnbull.
13:17How's life in Barrel?
13:18It's terrific.
13:19I love life in Barrel.
13:20I live a little bit south of Barrel, but that's the town most people know, because that's
13:25the town that Don Bradman grew up in, the famous Don.
13:27So there's a bit of Don Bradman tourism.
13:29You can go to the museum and see the water tank that he used to hit the golf ball against, and cricket bats.
13:40I'm not that into cricket, but if you are, I implore you to go.
13:44But if you do go to Barrel, and you go to the Coles there, be very careful if you go into
13:50the Coles car park, because you're taking your life in your hands.
13:53Now, it's an ageing population, and some of those people shouldn't be in cars.
13:58And you might be walking out with your shopping, you see that little Toyota Corolla, the brake
14:03lights come on, the reverse lights, you think there's no one in it, there's no one in the
14:06car!
14:07And then you see a little grey dome over the windowsill, and a set of talons on the steering
14:12there.
14:14They're like newborns, Sam.
14:17They haven't got the strength to hold their own heads up there.
14:22Here's a clue.
14:23Yeah.
14:26When your eyes are so bad that you start trying to see with your mouse, stop driving.
14:34Sometimes, and it's like, they don't even look anymore, just straight into reverse, and
14:39they're ploughing over one another, sometimes straight into drive through the window of Priceline,
14:43the family, and they're hiding behind the Maybelline counter.
14:46They are traumatised.
14:47So...
14:48Good warning.
14:49You've been warned.
14:50Yes.
14:51We've been warned.
14:52Hey, so how did you end up, like, we've known each other a long time, we met in the city.
14:56How did you end up living in the country?
14:57How did you end up living in the country?
14:58I was tricked into it by my wife.
15:00And she wanted me to get away from bad influences.
15:03That's...
15:04Women are five years ahead in the planning.
15:06They all are.
15:07We don't know what's happening tomorrow, most men.
15:09But, um...
15:10And the great thing is women give you the impression that you're part of the decision-making process.
15:15And, uh, because I've said, how did we end up in the country?
15:18And she's like, you've always wanted to live in the country!
15:21Silly!
15:23It's gaslighting, Sam.
15:26Yep.
15:27And now I am living on a prison farm for low-level offenders.
15:30And hello to Prince Andrew if he's watching.
15:35It's a beautiful place.
15:37It is a beautiful place, yeah.
15:38It's a beautiful place where you stay.
15:39It is a beautiful place, yeah.
15:40I've been there a few times.
15:41You have been there?
15:42Yeah.
15:43Did you enjoy yourself?
15:44No, I did not.
15:45No.
15:46I like running water.
15:47Yeah.
15:48No, the well can really freeze up in the mornings.
15:51And not having to kill my dinner.
15:53Yeah.
15:54But, uh, it's, uh, I wanted to ask you this.
15:57How do you spend your days?
15:58Well, Sam...
15:59In the country.
16:00Let me, uh, let me quote from Banjo Patterson, if you will.
16:04In my wild erratic fancy,
16:07I have visions of Clancy.
16:09Droven down the Lachlan, where the western drovers go.
16:12With the stock slowly stringing,
16:14Clancy rides behind them singing.
16:16For the drover's life has pleasures
16:18that the town folk never know.
16:28You really are a bumpkin now, aren't you?
16:30You've really gone all country.
16:32That's beautiful.
16:33Thank you very much.
16:34I could do the whole thing, but you don't want me to do that.
16:36No, I do not.
16:37Have you, uh, speaking of that beautiful recital,
16:41have you done any droving?
16:43I'm not going to lie.
16:44I don't really know what droving is.
16:48Uh, droving is basically herding cattle together
16:51to take them to market or to move them onto greener pasture.
16:54But, uh, no, I don't do droving.
16:56I do, I do driving.
16:57Uh, to the Bundanoon Hotel.
17:00And then I pick my car up the next day.
17:02So...
17:07There's Laurence Mooney with the country report.
17:09There you go, Laurence.
17:11Yee-haw!
17:12Now, it is a packed show with Lord Ian Botham and Eddie Izzard
17:17coming up.
17:18But first, as you know, I'm a man of the people.
17:21No, you're...
17:22No, you're not.
17:24I like to connect...
17:25You hate the people!
17:26I...
17:27I love the people.
17:28I like to connect with real Australians.
17:31But running...
17:32Settle down over there.
17:33That's okay.
17:35But running around with a...
17:36Running around the street with a microphone,
17:37that's beneath me.
17:38I'll admit that.
17:39So, once again, it's time for my hit segment,
17:41Man on the Seat,
17:42where this week we're tackling immigration
17:45by asking people mostly real questions
17:47from the citizenship test.
17:53Ooh!
17:54What were Burke and Will's first names?
17:59Burke and Will's?
18:00Yeah.
18:01Is that like a law firm?
18:02I don't know their first names either.
18:03Don't worry.
18:04Do you know the animals on our coat of arms?
18:06Yes.
18:07What are they?
18:08An emu and a kangaroo, I believe.
18:11Correct.
18:12Why are they so unique?
18:13Because they can't move backwards.
18:15And also, they're delicious.
18:17Yes.
18:18Do you know where Phylac died?
18:19A heart attack.
18:20Was it?
18:21No.
18:22No, he overdosed on ketamines.
18:23Do you know that?
18:24Do you know how Farlap died, G?
18:25Was he shot?
18:29No.
18:30No, that only happens if you lose races.
18:32National Anthem?
18:33What's the name of the National Anthem?
18:36What's the name of the National Anthem?
18:37Yeah.
18:38I'll just assume it's the Australian National Anthem, sir.
18:40Oh, something in Australia?
18:41It's called the Advance Australia Fair.
18:43Oh, Advance.
18:44Pardon me, sir.
18:45Or Horses by Daryl Braithwaite.
18:46There you go.
18:47What was Donald Bradman's average?
18:48I'd say 120, 120.
18:50Yeah, yeah.
18:51What's your original country?
18:52South African.
18:53The way this is going, you're going back pretty soon.
18:55So you're real estate agent, yeah?
18:56Yes.
18:57How much cocaine have you done today?
18:58Fuck.
18:59How long have you been together?
19:00Two years?
19:01Yes, we're in love.
19:02Are you in love?
19:03Yeah.
19:04Why?
19:05We make each other laugh.
19:06What's his best feature?
19:07The way he just looks after everybody around him no matter what.
19:11And what about, what do you love about Beth?
19:13Probably her big boobs.
19:16Are you an Australian citizen?
19:17Yes.
19:18Good.
19:19Are you?
19:20How many years do you think it took before I was allowed to apply for Australian citizenship?
19:25Eleven.
19:26Ten?
19:27Twenty-four.
19:28How many years do you think I had to live in Australia before I could apply to become a citizen?
19:32Ten.
19:33Ten?
19:34Yeah, I'll say ten as well.
19:35Well, that's very racist because I was born here, guys.
19:38We're born!
19:39But that answer also means that you're automatically an Australian citizen.
19:44So well done, Tony.
19:45Well done, Beth.
19:53Welcome back!
19:56Sorry.
19:59Welcome back.
20:00Now, when I was ten years old, I queued up at the 1982 Boxing Day Test hoping to get my next guest signature in this autograph book.
20:09Oh.
20:10Spoiler.
20:11Spoiler.
20:12Yeah, I know.
20:14I'm adorable.
20:15Hey.
20:16Spoiler.
20:17I didn't.
20:18But...
20:20This is just getting sadder.
20:22He is one of cricket's greatest all-rounders and despite being English, he played with a confidence and a brashness I could only describe as Australian.
20:30Here he is in action.
20:31He is our greatest all-rounder.
20:32Ian Botham.
20:33One of the greatest of all time.
20:34I think it needs a man like this.
20:35And that is 40 metres back.
20:36I really haven't seen anything like it.
20:37Do you believe it?
20:38I don't believe it.
20:39Always reserved his best performances for Australia.
20:41Please welcome Lord Ian Botham.
20:42Hello.
20:43Hello, you are Lord.
20:44Thank you, my Lord.
20:45Have a seat.
20:46Wow.
20:47He is a good actor.
20:48I really haven't seen anything like it.
20:49Do you believe it?
20:50I don't believe it.
20:51Always reserved his best performances for Australia.
20:54Bold in.
20:55Neck and...
20:56Please welcome Lord Ian Botham.
20:58I am so proud of you.
20:59Hello.
21:01Hello, you are Lord Jahar.
21:02Thank you, my Lord.
21:03Yes, there you go.
21:04Have a seat.
21:05Wow.
21:06Hello, you are Lord Jahar.
21:07Have a seat.
21:08Yes.
21:09Hello!
21:10Wow.
21:11Hello mate. Hello mate, how are you?
21:16It's great to see you. I seriously, do you remember not signing that?
21:19Yeah. I just saw this little chap about this icon.
21:25Hey, I want to ask you first, how cool is it to be a lord?
21:31Um, I've never really thought about it to be honest.
21:33Well start thinking now. All right, okay.
21:36Well it's better than being a sir. Is it? It's higher.
21:39Oh, I see. Can you, can you keep going?
21:41Well, no. Well there is a vacancy at the moment, but no.
21:53I think it must be amazing to be called a lord.
21:56Um, and let's, let's have a look at your full title here.
22:00Sir Ian Terence Botham, knight, officer of our most excellent order of the British Empire.
22:06To the state, degree, style, dignity, title and honour of Baron Botham of Ravensworth
22:12in our county of North Yorkshire.
22:14And that's amazing, and yet I'm just going to call you beefy tonight.
22:18That doesn't, that doesn't feel like...
22:19Well, I'd be very upset if you didn't.
22:22Do you, what, so you don't insist people call you lord?
22:25No, no. Oh, good?
22:27Well, yeah, but you're not likely to get it, are you?
22:29So I wouldn't worry about that.
22:31Oh, it seems, it seems a bit unlikely.
22:33What about those, the, uh, the robes I saw you?
22:35Oh, those things, it's like a dead bear on your back.
22:39It is, and look at it, there you go.
22:42Look at that.
22:43Yeah.
22:44The young boy from Scum.
22:44It looked like I was enjoying it.
22:45Yeah, it was, um, uh, well see, by the way, you, you, you love Australia.
22:50I mentioned in the intro about, you really were, uh, I know you were the enemy, so to speak,
22:55but you really were beloved by Australians.
22:57I loved the way you played.
22:58Yeah, well, you know, there's nothing bigger than on Boxing Day,
23:02playing at the MCG and you walk out on that first morning and there's 100,000
23:06screaming convicts wanting to rip you apart.
23:14Well, no, no, seriously, I think you can actually feel them trying to break the,
23:17the, the, the concrete off and throw it at me.
23:22You really are beloved in this country.
23:24No, I enjoy, I do enjoy coming down.
23:26Oh, it's so good to hear you're here for the whole summer, but on top of being a lordship,
23:29you also keep some very impressive company.
23:32Eric Clapton, uh, amongst them, but also Elton John, your mates with Elton John.
23:37I, I, we went back and had a look at this.
23:39This is, here you are hanging out with Elton John in the 80s.
23:42Quiet is the word for Elton John these days,
23:45after Tuesday's operation to remove nodules from his vocal cords,
23:49as he boarded a white limo with friend Ian Botham.
23:52Perhaps Elton had some words of wisdom to give the cricketer in handwritten messages over lunch.
24:00Lord Botham.
24:01He had, seriously, he had that board with him everywhere
24:03and he'd had the operation on his cords and he wasn't allowed to speak.
24:07So it was quite bizarre, you know, in many ways.
24:10Because it's...
24:12And then you go...
24:15Right again.
24:16Well, how long was, how long was that lunch?
24:18What, what, did it, it would have seemed longer.
24:20If you're having lunch with a guy who's holding an Etch-a-sketch board,
24:22that doesn't, that doesn't seem to be great, great company.
24:25It took a while to order.
24:26But, but no, yeah, he, he's an amazing guy.
24:31He actually has a lot of support and when we did the walks,
24:35he was always turned up at some stage and same with Eric and what have you.
24:40So, yeah, they're good friends.
24:42It's funny you talk about Eric and Elton.
24:44I'm, I'm, you know, I'm a little bit nervous.
24:45Some big, big, you know, when was the last time you were nervous to meet someone?
24:50Um, well, I got arrested.
24:53That was, that was pretty...
24:57So you were nervous to see the policemen coming towards you?
24:59No, they actually set it up for me.
25:00And they, you know, it's one of those cameras hidden behind a tree.
25:03You know, they, you know, how do you react?
25:05Yeah.
25:06Lawrence knows about them.
25:07Not very well.
25:08Punchy boy.
25:09Yeah, yeah, I know.
25:10Hey, Lord, what about, um, how do you think the interview's going so far?
25:13Yeah, better than expected.
25:17I would have said that too.
25:18We're going excellent.
25:20I only ask you this because in 1986 you appeared on a BBC show where you were asked
25:25this question by a Scottish child that can best be described as unfriendly.
25:30Lorna Ogilvie.
25:32You complain about the press.
25:33However, hasn't your own immaturity and naivety in saying outrageous things
25:37made you fair game for the popular press?
25:39Do you remember that?
25:44Well, apologies, she's Scottish.
25:47But, uh, I didn't understand what you were saying after the weight of it.
25:50But, uh, no, that was, I think it was a bit of a set up.
25:54But, uh, you know, I rode the storm, you know, getting beaten up by a 16-year-old.
25:59So, did you think you were walking into a warmer environment than that?
26:03Well, I think it was, I think they decided they were going to come at me.
26:07So, I thought it was good, actually.
26:08I just batted it off, a bit like playing against Australia.
26:11But, yeah, just knocked it around.
26:13And, uh, no, it was, you know, a bit weird.
26:15Was it weird, by the way?
26:16Did you enjoy the press during your playing days?
26:18Or did you? Because then you went into it fine.
26:20But how was it?
26:21Do you know, I never read the newspapers.
26:24And I very reluctantly, if I do, I'm bored.
26:26And I might have a look at the sports pages.
26:28But not when I played.
26:30Right.
26:30Because I knew I'd get angry.
26:33So, you know, just leave it.
26:34You know, walk away from it.
26:35Look, you've stopped reading the newspapers too, Lawrence, haven't you?
26:38Oh, yeah.
26:42About four years ago, Sam.
26:43I wanted to ask, because I wanted to assure you that you would never be treated like this
26:51on this show.
26:51Do you know what I mean?
26:52And, um, I just wanted to clarify that.
26:55Now it's time for the guest announcer question.
27:01Lawrence, you're up.
27:02Uh, Lord Botham.
27:03And I insist, respectfully, because I am a British subject.
27:07Uh, my lord.
27:10My parents were born in Liverpool, it's true.
27:12Liverpool?
27:12Yes, absolutely.
27:13I can understand why he came over here.
27:18My question.
27:18Uh, you complain about the press.
27:20However, has your own immaturity and naivety in saying outrageous things made you fair game for
27:30the popular press media?
27:33You can.
27:33Aye, aye, you can.
27:36I'll see you, Jimmy.
27:39Yeah, you can say Liverpool.
27:42Nice to hear from groundskeeper Willie there, too.
27:46Well, I was doing a bit of Mr McKay from Porridge, actually.
27:48Um, all right.
27:50That's pretty good.
27:51Thank you very much.
27:52It's all in the chin, isn't it?
27:53I've got some other questions here.
27:57I've got some other questions.
27:58Sam, don't interrupt.
27:58We're having a...
27:58I don't know.
27:59Uh...
28:00Oh, well, we...
28:01I'm sorry to interrupt.
28:02I've got to ask about the cricket.
28:03It's that the Asher starts in less than two weeks.
28:05Um, why are the Asher still relevant?
28:07Well, it's the 150th, uh, year, I think, coming up, uh, which we will cross over to.
28:16It's 27, I think.
28:17So it was 1977 when I was at the MCG, um, for that, to see it and being part of it.
28:25But, um, no, it's...
28:27The Ashes, the whole world of cricket watches The Ashes, and it's nothing bigger.
28:32The rivalry between, uh, and the respect, because when you actually look at the Australian
28:38population, 24 and a half million, that we know of, and...
28:42LAUGHTER
28:44So, so you've got 24 and a half million, but I try to explain to these guys,
28:48you're not playing against 11 people.
28:49You're playing against a country, 25 and a half million people.
28:53And, and when you think of the records that they've got, the men and women,
28:57what they've achieved in the world of sport is quite beyond anything.
29:01You know, for the number of populations, amazing stats.
29:04You're still quite passionate.
29:06How, how hard is it to stay passionate once you've stopped playing?
29:09Oh, very easy, to be honest.
29:10LAUGHTER
29:12And I worked in television for 23 years, um, with Sky back in the UK.
29:18And, uh, you, you, you wait for The Ashes to come on,
29:22because it's the one that everybody wants to be involved in.
29:25And I think this one coming up now will be equally as exciting.
29:30Um, mine, did you, I don't know if you saw this, but Eddie Maguire,
29:34a friend of ours, uh, sent me a text the other day and he said,
29:38if Gower and Botham were to play in this Ashes series at their current age,
29:43Australia would still be 135 days older of the team.
29:47If you put it, so if you had me and Gower.
29:49Right.
29:50And, and nine others.
29:52He said, the age group of the time that's like coming,
29:55he said, uh, and I've looked it and worked it out and he's right.
29:59It's scary.
30:00Very scary.
30:01I'm not going to lie.
30:02I have no idea what you just said.
30:03LAUGHTER
30:04What are you, are you saying, are you saying Australia's got,
30:06are you saying Australia's got an old team?
30:08Yeah.
30:09OK, cool, all right.
30:10Yeah, yeah.
30:11Yeah, well done, sir.
30:14Hey, I wanted to make, you've also got your own brand of wine.
30:16Yeah.
30:17Yay!
30:17Which I wanted to, um...
30:20Now Lawrence is up and about.
30:22There it is, Botham Wines.
30:23How did you come up with the title?
30:26I wanted to keep it simple so I wouldn't forget.
30:30And it's an, is it a night, what's the, is it red or a white?
30:32What's the...
30:32We do, no, we do a few variants, yeah, but, uh, we've just actually, um,
30:37gone, uh, relaunching over here pretty much, uh, over the next few months.
30:43And we've got a few legends, uh, coming on, but it's all been hush-hushed.
30:47I'm not allowed to, well, I don't even know, they don't tell me.
30:52My daughter runs it, so I've got no chance.
30:53Yeah, well...
30:54But, uh, yeah, no, the, um, the, the, uh, it's exciting.
30:58And don't worry, Sam, I'll drop a couple of bottles.
31:00I was going to say, I'll take the bottles.
31:02If you need an ambassador over there, geez, look, he's ready to go.
31:04LAUGHTER
31:05My favourite sound of the world is...
31:07LAUGHTER
31:12Egan, I wanted to ask you this.
31:13This summer we are going to hear, uh, your commentary on Channel 7
31:16and also on Triple M. Um, do you enjoy commentary?
31:18Yeah, yeah, I enjoy this.
31:21The best bit is the radio.
31:23Yeah.
31:23Cos you don't have to get dressed up like this.
31:25Yeah.
31:25Yeah, you've got shorts, flip-flops, T-shirt,
31:28and you've got the same accreditation as all that lot with all their suits on.
31:31Well, I'm, I'm, I'm sure your employees at Channel 7 are wrapped to hear that.
31:35Um, I love listening to your commentary.
31:37You're a master at explaining the tactics on the field with accuracy and insight.
31:42And this is my favourite example of your commentary.
31:45I think the field is absolutely, completely wrong.
31:49They've changed the field.
31:50They've brought a fine leg up.
31:52They've put a man out for a short, wide, long op.
31:55What is going on?
31:56What is going on?
31:57There he is, the man out for the short, wide, long op.
31:59That's it.
32:00Well done, Ian Bungam.
32:06Salas Jaya Sariya, I think, did that on deliberately.
32:10But it was the most ridiculous field move.
32:12And you guys didn't move.
32:14Thank you very much.
32:15The timing, the timing was amazing.
32:17I just wanted to finish with a couple of things.
32:18One is, if you think that I'm not going to, uh, firstly,
32:22I've got to, can you clarify, are you colour blind?
32:24Yeah.
32:25All right, well, that's fine.
32:26I just wanted to, um, present you with, um, this, this, uh, wonderful England jersey.
32:31England jersey for the, for the summer ahead.
32:34That's for you.
32:35Thank you very much.
32:36That's great.
32:36The three lines are there.
32:38All great.
32:40There's the lines.
32:41It says England on the front.
32:42It's, it's, you'll wear that with pride, Lee.
32:44And you'll, Ian, you'll love it.
32:45Is this, this rugby league shirt?
32:47Yeah.
32:48You can wear it whatever you want.
32:49The last thing is, too, I missed out in 1982.
32:51Yeah.
32:52But would you sign my autograph in 2026?
32:55Maybe.
32:57This is for you.
32:58Is that all right?
32:58Absolutely.
32:59Let's see what you see.
33:00Yeah.
33:02I'm like a, I'm like a heart.
33:04Yeah, I know.
33:05I've got this.
33:07There you go.
33:07Page open, Vivian Richards.
33:09Vivian Richards, Clive Lloyd.
33:10You're going to do that page?
33:11Yeah, um, death.
33:12As, all us, all around us.
33:14Does that work?
33:15Yeah, we, that's a, that's a red pen too, by the way.
33:17Oh, well, that's why I can't see it.
33:19All right, you can do it during the break.
33:22Please thank Lord Ian Botham for my chat with Eddie Izzard next.
33:26Welcome back.
33:43Now, at this time in the show, I was supposed to be welcoming Eddie Izzard, now Susie Eddie
33:48Izzard, live in studio, but on Friday, we got the call.
33:51There's been an accident and Susie can't fly.
33:53The good news, injuries and all, Susie graciously joined me for a chat last night.
33:59If you don't know Susie's work, here's a taste.
34:01Dun, dun, dun!
34:03Who, who is this?
34:05Eddie Izzard, everybody!
34:06Oh, wow, that's quite nuts.
34:08Emmy award-winning stand-up comedian and actor.
34:10Unplugged.
34:11Just me.
34:11We'd go for that.
34:12Take our dance.
34:13Stonehenge.
34:13One of the biggest henges in the world.
34:18Just letting you know, my chat with Susie was filmed quite late, but I think you'll see
34:22that it's seamless and you definitely won't be able to tell.
34:26Now, the white robe that you're wearing.
34:27Like, it's quite late here in Australia.
34:30You know, it's almost bedtime for me, so I'm in robe and pyjamas.
34:33Oh, right.
34:34Well, I really should be in dressing gown and just got up.
34:38You know, the equivalent of you.
34:39The robe is monogrammed too, Susie.
34:41I hope you noticed.
34:42Yeah, the monogram is very good.
34:44Have no middle name or you don't need the dots?
34:46That's a good point.
34:47I'll fix that for the next time we speak.
34:49I'll make sure.
34:50No, you don't need to do it.
34:51I think, first and last, the middle names are a bit weird, aren't they?
34:53But they come with us and you go, what am I doing with this middle name?
34:56Yeah.
34:56And who was that?
34:57Your grandmother had that name.
34:59Susie Izzard, it's wonderful to see you.
35:01I'm not going to lie.
35:03I'm quite nervous because I'm a big fan.
35:05When was the last time you were nervous?
35:07When I sat in between George Glee and Brad Pitt, doing Ocean's Twelve,
35:11here's me name dropping a go-go.
35:12Nelson Mandela told me, never name drop.
35:15Eddie never name drop.
35:17And I think that's quite a nice joke, man.
35:18Yes.
35:18And, but I was, I was standing between George Clooney and Brad Pitt, filming my first scene
35:25with them in Rome.
35:26But I was standing there and I said, I think, George, you were born in 61,
35:32because I was born in 62.
35:34And Brad, you were born in 63?
35:35I think I'd look this up.
35:36Because, so therefore this is, this is logical.
35:39I was trying to claim, you know, because I'm in between your ages and there we go.
35:44And that's why we're standing here.
35:46And I realised as I was saying, what am I saying?
35:48Just shut up.
35:50You know.
35:51I just wanted to start also by saying, you were supposed to be sitting next to me tonight.
35:56What?
35:56Yeah, in pyjamas like you.
35:59Tell Australia what has happened.
36:01Australia, I busted my knee and I, and I was, I went to the doctors and they said,
36:06look, you're going to have to have a procedure.
36:07Procedure means they get in there and after that you can't fly for a number of weeks.
36:11When was the surgery?
36:12Um, it was just yesterday.
36:14Is the anaesthetic worn off?
36:16Yeah, fine.
36:17So is this your first interview, um, post operation?
36:21Is this an exclusive?
36:22Yeah.
36:22Is it an exclusive?
36:23Yeah.
36:24Yes.
36:24Yeah.
36:26Put up the graphic.
36:27Um, so we are re-stretching the dates.
36:29We're picking them up and moving them across.
36:31Now I'm here to talk about Hamlet, which I'm coming to Australia in June and July.
36:36My Hamlet, which is a solo Hamlet, 23 characters.
36:40Yes, all you.
36:40You're playing all 23.
36:42Yeah.
36:42And sold 50,000 tickets around the world.
36:44I'm very proud to be bringing it to Australia.
36:46That's in June and July.
36:48And now I'm going to pick up the, the, the,
36:50I'm very sorry for this happening.
36:51I really didn't want this to happen,
36:52but we're going to reschedule to May just before the June and July Hamlet.
36:57So Australia is going to get this very unusual thing.
37:00If you, if you buy tickets for both,
37:01you will see me doing this, the two streams on my thing,
37:04which is very, quite unusual, doing surreal comedy,
37:07Python-esque influence over there, and then drama.
37:10And I'm just following Shakespeare,
37:11because he went from comedies to his dramas,
37:13and I too have gone from my comedies to dramas,
37:16but I'm keeping them going at the same time.
37:18I haven't been to Australia since COVID,
37:21which is before COVID.
37:22So it'd be nice to come back.
37:24Speaking of COVID, this is,
37:25I think this is the first time I've done Zoom since COVID.
37:28So, um, you know, a big hello to the Chinese government,
37:31if you're listening.
37:32Um, it's, it's, uh, yeah, it was a crazy time.
37:36It was.
37:36I take you on Zoom.
37:38It's better than not getting it at all.
37:39So I really appreciate it.
37:40We have got used to this.
37:41Yeah.
37:42We have got used to,
37:42and I have, and I have put my Emmy in a very subtle position there.
37:46I was trying to hide it, actually.
37:47And I was trying to be very subtle,
37:49because it was just,
37:50but it is, it's the only one.
37:51I've got two,
37:52but I don't know where the other one is.
37:53Susie, Susie.
37:54Can I say this?
37:55I love that you tried to hide the Emmy,
37:57but were more than comfortable to let me see the rubbish bin in the corner,
38:00uh, over your other shoulder.
38:02I love that.
38:02That's where the other one could be.
38:03No, that's really.
38:05Susie, you perform in multiple languages,
38:08French, German, and Spanish.
38:09Absolutely, I can't speak French, I can't improvise in French.
38:13In German, I can speak a lot.
38:16And now my self-confidence, my self-confidence,
38:19in German is very good.
38:21And in Spanish, I'm going to be touring next year.
38:24I've already played in Madrid and Barcelona quite a lot.
38:27And my Spanish, no.
38:30My Spanish is fantastic,
38:32but I have this strong self-confidence that I can do the comedy.
38:40The comedy is important.
38:41The language is less important.
38:42Right.
38:43You'd think it's the,
38:44oh, they do a Spanish type of comedy,
38:45a German type of comedy,
38:47an Australian type of comedy.
38:48Australian comics can play all around the world.
38:50But if you talk about very specific,
38:52if you talk about Tim Tams,
38:53and your touch time is Tim Tams,
38:56and they're going to go,
38:57well, what is a Tim Tam?
38:58But if you introduce Tim Tams as an Australian comic,
39:01and you say, Tim Tams and Tim Tams.
39:03And then you get to London, get to America,
39:05and you say,
39:06and I was in the street,
39:06and I've already talked about it.
39:08And then this guy came up,
39:08so I threw all my Tim Tams at it.
39:11Tim Tams attack.
39:12And then you've used it as a story element,
39:14just like you can normally.
39:16So if you introduce it as a story element, it works.
39:20But if you just use it as a punch line with no introduction,
39:24those things will not work.
39:25So...
39:25Well...
39:26There's a tip for the kids.
39:27You're talking to a comedian who struggles with English,
39:30Susie, so I'm in awe.
39:32Susie, I read somewhere that, in your opinion,
39:34George Lazenby, the Aussie...
39:36Yeah.
39:36..is the best Bond.
39:37No, not the best.
39:38It was a really good one.
39:39OK.
39:40Where would you rank him, Susie?
39:42I'd put him right up there.
39:42On a Magic Secret Service, one of the great films.
39:45He's really good at it,
39:46and people have been doing him down for years
39:47because it ended kind of weird.
39:49I really loved it.
39:50Hey, can I just finish with a couple of quick ones?
39:52You're holed up recovering from a knee injury,
39:54that's why you're not coming out to Australia,
39:55but you're coming next year.
39:57So, while you're recovering, what are you going to watch?
40:00What am I going through?
40:01Only Murders in the Building, which I've just gone...
40:03I've just binge-watched through that,
40:04and I think I've just finished that.
40:06Now I'm going to go through their podcast,
40:07which I've just introduced.
40:08Susie, if you like Murders in the Building,
40:09are you in a position where you could contact them
40:11and say, I want to be in the next series?
40:13Um, it doesn't really work that way.
40:15They have to contact you.
40:16You could try and get a message through,
40:18I'd love to be in it.
40:19And they say, yeah, and the rest of the world wants to be in it too.
40:22So, unless we know you personally.
40:24Meryl Streep phoned up to us to be in it, so what are you...
40:26You're way down the list.
40:28Yeah.
40:28You know, and they call me kid,
40:30because I'm such a youthful 63.
40:33Well, can I just...
40:34I can, to your watch list,
40:36I just recommend a little show in Australia called Sampang Tonight.
40:39It's really, really making some waves, Susie.
40:42I'll watch the episode I'm in.
40:44Then I'll get a hang of it.
40:46Yeah, all right, then.
40:46Yeah, well, that'd be good.
40:47Well, all right, I just wanted to thank you so much for your time.
40:50Get well soon.
40:51Go eddieizard.com for details, but everyone will be...
40:54But, yeah, mate, I'm coming back in May.
40:56So sorry.
40:57Can't fly.
40:58The next few weeks.
40:59We'll see you next year.
41:00Cheers, bye.
41:05Check out Susie, Eddie Izzard in person when Hamlet tours next year.
41:09Back with more Sampang Tonight in a moment.
41:11Now, welcome back.
41:25We get a lot of suggestions on this show.
41:28You should do a weather report.
41:29You should do a traffic report.
41:30Your chair's shit.
41:34All of that feedback was from Russell Crowe.
41:36I think you know, but we're not going to do a traffic report.
41:40But I'll tell you what we do have.
41:41We have the foot traffic report with comedian Bronwyn Cuss.
41:48All right.
41:49Hi, guys.
41:49This is Bronwyn Cuss.
41:50We couldn't afford a chopper, so I'm in the Sampang Tonight foot traffic high chair.
41:55I can see a guy over there on speakerphone.
41:58No headphones.
41:59Nobody likes you.
42:01OK, this is a fun one.
42:02I get to play my favorite game here.
42:04Is it father and daughter or rich guy and young girl waiting for him to die?
42:09I'm going to say father, daughter.
42:11Oh, they've kissed.
42:12She's a daddy's girl.
42:13And I can see a businessman talking business loudly on the phone.
42:17You're not the Wolf of Wall Street, mate.
42:18You're the fuckhead of Flinders Lane.
42:20And here comes the 96.
42:22I have been stabbed on that tram and thrown up on.
42:26OK, I can see Hamish up there opening the Maya holiday window.
42:30Cool.
42:31Good for him.
42:32Glad he's got some work.
42:33What's going on?
42:35You're a little close.
42:37I don't know if you can tell, but I like being away from people.
42:40And here's my second favorite game.
42:42Tall child or small woman?
42:44It's always a small woman.
42:45I'll leave this guy doing it rough.
42:48Times are tough out there, hey?
42:49Let's not forget about the less fortune of this Christmas, Australia.
42:55There you go.
42:55That was the foot traffic report with Bronwyn Cuss.
42:57Hey, Moon, do you have anything to plug or, you know, you're out there?
43:00Well, I'm coming to the end of a national tour, Sam.
43:03And I've got to say to everybody who's come along, thank you very much.
43:06I've been so well supported and had a great time.
43:09I was in Ballarat on the weekend and Warrnambool.
43:12And here's some more dates.
43:14Here's some more dates.
43:15Only a few dates.
43:16Bendigo sold out.
43:17Yep.
43:18Adelaide, only a few tickets left.
43:20And Darwin, let's have a look, I think.
43:22Darwin says all tickets still available.
43:24Not popular in Darwin.
43:29Come on, Darwin.
43:30Don't leave it to last minute.
43:31They're very relaxed in Darwin.
43:33Get along and see Lawrence.
43:35It's a wonderful hour that seems a lot longer.
43:39It's a long, long hour.
43:43No, it's a wonderful show.
43:44Now, listen, if you missed last week's show, that's fine.
43:48We've all got things on.
43:50But if you did, you would have missed the debut of the new Sam Pang Tonight mascot.
43:55The COVID and STI riddled monkey.
43:57It's Contagious George, everyone.
44:07I've got some exciting Contagious George news, Lawrence.
44:10Excellent.
44:11I love Contagious George so much.
44:13Well, guess what?
44:14It's now a kid's book.
44:15Yay!
44:19That's right.
44:21Contagious George is now a children's book.
44:24And I, you know what?
44:24I can't think of anyone.
44:26Do you want to actually want to hear it?
44:27Do you want to read it?
44:28I can't think of anyone better to read it.
44:30You've got a beautiful voice.
44:31You're a natural showman.
44:32Jim, would you mind reading this copy of Contagious George?
44:36I'd love to.
44:37And one day maybe record the audiobook too.
44:41Alright, here we go.
44:42I've always wanted to be on Play School and do this.
44:44Yeah, imagine.
44:45Okay children, it's time for a story.
44:51This is George.
44:54George went on holidays to...
44:57No, I think it's pronounced Phuket.
45:00Phuket.
45:01George went on holidays to Phuket.
45:04There's George with his suitcase, kids.
45:06Departures are arrivals.
45:08Where's he going?
45:10Departures.
45:12He's going to Phuket.
45:17George was feeling very tense.
45:21So decided to get a massage.
45:26There he is coming out of the massage.
45:29And look, the massage is open 24 hours.
45:31That's a good sign, isn't it?
45:33How convenient.
45:38After the massage, George felt sleepy, but also incredibly itchy.
45:46Oh, George, what happened in there?
45:49When he got home, George had to go to the hospital.
45:53There's George.
45:53He's very sick.
45:55He's got a temperature.
45:56The doctor said George needed to get a great big shot of penicillin and six other vaccines.
46:06Six.
46:06It's almost like George had been on a footy trip.
46:08George had to quarantine for two weeks.
46:15There's George when he got out of hospital.
46:17He's quarantining.
46:19Now George always wears protection.
46:21Don't get ahead of us before he shares his banana.
46:32The end.
46:36And I love how they do this on Play School.
46:39And that's all we've got time for today.
46:41Wonderful stuff, by the way.
46:44Let's check the clock.
46:48What your audience say during your stand-up show move.
46:52Contagious George, thank you for that, Lawrence.
46:54Contagious George can't be here tonight because he's very busy.
46:58Let's have a look.
46:59Here he is there.
47:00Oh, my God.
47:02It's a book signing.
47:03Contagious George is signing books.
47:04Wow.
47:05Isn't that amazing?
47:06Jesus.
47:10He looks a lot better.
47:13I just want to point out on national television,
47:15we've just seen Contagious George conducting a book signing.
47:19Is that a signed copy?
47:21I don't know.
47:22Actually, it is a signed copy.
47:23I don't know if you can see that.
47:25That's amazing.
47:26If you can find one that's not signed, it's worth a fortune.
47:29Contagious George, the book makes a great stocking filler this Christmas.
47:33The Wheel of Segments is up next.
47:36Welcome back.
47:50It's time now for the...
47:52Wheel of Segments!
47:55Yay!
47:56Whoa, tough.
48:00Brought to you tonight by Zirconium and Botham Wines.
48:03Zircon, Zircon, Zircon, Zircon, Zircon!
48:07Now, uh, have a look at it.
48:10Slur or definitely not a slur?
48:12Now, I can sense the heavy hand of the network lawyer with that one.
48:16I think that we'll remember...
48:17We all remember what happened last week.
48:19I guess it's finally time to play Slur or Not a Slur with your host Sean McBarlane.
48:24Sam, you are a huge...
48:29On the advice of legal counsel, I've been asked to read the following statement.
48:35That is the dodgiest looking lawyer I've ever seen in my life too, by the way.
48:39Well, I have some very exciting news from us here at Sampang Tonight HQ.
48:44If you like Slur or Not a Slur, you can now play at home.
48:48Have you been trying to phase out a friendship with zero results?
48:51What out? But they keep texting back.
48:54Introducing Slur or Not a Slur, the board game.
48:58Based on the hit TV segment Slur or Not a Slur.
49:03All right, I'll use it in a sentence.
49:05You are an absolute...
49:10Burning Bridges has never been this far.
49:13Legal things not included.
49:15That's right, take that, Denya. I've got my own board game.
49:18I've never been prouder, Lauren.
49:25I am glad that it's finally official.
49:27My family has been playing that at Christmas for years.
49:32I know they have.
49:33Hey, all right, time to give the wheel a spin, all right?
49:35Let's see where it lands.
49:37You know how it works.
49:38Wherever it lands, that's the segment.
49:40I get it.
49:41What happened to the Christmas tree?
49:43Ah, Christmas tree.
49:44I think, you know, sometimes you can hold on to...
49:46I liked it.
49:46I know, I'd like to send you into it once.
49:48That'd be good.
49:49Rickshaw Karaoke, it's landed on before.
49:51Yep, it's all right.
49:53Prawn Hub sounds right up your alley, mate.
49:56What else we got?
49:57Prawn Hub?
49:58No, Galligraphy Corner has been on since season one.
50:01Let's see where it's going to land.
50:04Pangnam Style.
50:05It's got a weird camber, this wheel.
50:07Very good use of the word camber.
50:09Where's it going to land?
50:11Is it done?
50:13I think it's done.
50:14It's landed on To Catch a Francophile.
50:19Catch a Francophile.
50:20You're right to be underwhelmed.
50:25We're all familiar with the show To Catch a Predator.
50:28I am not.
50:31And again, I haven't watched telly since 2012, Sam, so...
50:33Well, you'd love that series.
50:35You're in three of the episodes.
50:36So, we all are familiar with To Catch a Predator.
50:40Let's enjoy this fresh new spin-off series.
50:46Meg is from Melbourne and just drove three hours to meet what she thinks is a fellow Francophile.
50:51Meg is 26 years old, works in PR, starts all her anecdotes with,
50:58well, when I was in Provence, she thinks she's meeting a man to watch a boring old French movie.
51:04But this is a carefully orchestrated sting.
51:07You know who I am.
51:19Have a seat.
51:21We have your text messages here.
51:22C'est la vie, j'adore, comme ci, comme ça.
51:26Do you even have a French background or did you just see Emily in Paris?
51:30How do you explain this?
51:31We have all your seats over the last week, 35 baguettes.
51:37They're not mine.
51:38You're wearing a shirt that says, I love Paris.
51:41It's pronounced Pally.
51:43You're no better than a 52-year-old man who goes to Thailand for unspecified reasons.
51:48Don't say that.
51:49You're sick.
51:49It's time to hand in your beret.
51:51No.
51:51Mm-hmm.
51:56You should be ashamed of yourself.
51:59More to catch a Francophile coming up next.
52:02There you go.
52:04Coming soon to 10.
52:06That's our show.
52:07Big thanks to our guests, Lord Ian Botham, Susie Eddie Izzard,
52:10Bronwyn Cusk, Mike Goldstein and Meg Yager,
52:12and of course, my special guest announcer, Florence Mooney.
52:16Next week, special guest announcer Celia Fakola, Angus Sampson,
52:20and the return of the News Lounge with Oliver Clark.
52:23Good night, Australia.
52:26I need something to see me fine.
52:29I've got my impersonations.
52:31Malcolm Turnbull?
52:32Oh, terrific stuff.
52:33You're a great guy and a great constituent.
52:35My favourite month of the year.
52:37I'm kind of doing him as Borny.
52:44That's, that, yeah, okay.
52:46There's 100,000 screaming convicts wanting to rip you apart.
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