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00:00:00particular person I've ever met.
00:00:02Thank you for saying that, guy from Hot Ones.
00:00:05A writer. A director.
00:00:07The most celebrated recording artist of all time.
00:00:10I mean, what can I say, Mr. Hot Ones? I got music in my soul.
00:00:14You can call me Sean.
00:00:16I don't want to.
00:00:17You've climbed mountains. You've stopped wars.
00:00:19Is it true you were the real-life inspiration for the character of James Bond?
00:00:24That is true.
00:00:25But I asked him to change the color of his skin.
00:00:27So little white boys had someone to look up to.
00:00:30So I think I speak for all of your adoring fans when I say we want to know the real Demi.
00:00:35What can you tell us about your real life?
00:00:38You know, that's a great question, Mr. Ones.
00:00:40And I'ma answer it right after eating the spiciest wing ever created.
00:00:47Wow. No milk or nothing.
00:00:50Milk is for babies, Mr. Ones.
00:00:52I'm a grown-ass man.
00:00:57One, two, three, four.
00:01:04One, two, three, four.
00:01:06When I was just a wee little boy I had a crush on a girl at my school
00:01:22I asked her to come over and play some games and she turned me down
00:01:27But she gave me no reason
00:01:29The lack of reason made me spiral
00:01:31With thoughts about which of my flaws could have turned her off
00:01:35Maybe I'm ugly, or me
00:01:36Or maybe I smell like pee
00:01:39Cause I was still pissing my pants at the time
00:01:41Five years later I'm grown
00:01:44I'm nice now
00:01:45And I'm hot from the Ozempic
00:01:47And also I don't piss my pants anymore
00:01:50I won't go into details but the piss thing is all sorted out
00:01:54I asked my crush on a date and again she said no
00:01:58Still with no reason
00:02:00That's when I got down on my knees and I asked
00:02:03God, what must I do?
00:02:05And God said
00:02:06Demi, this is the voice of God speaking
00:02:09God is a woman
00:02:10I see why you might think that
00:02:12But I don't really have a gender because there's only one of me
00:02:15So the binary doesn't exist
00:02:16So God is a non-binary person?
00:02:18Okay, stop talking
00:02:19Demi, I did you read that he's going to do one single bad friend
00:02:25Then my crush will finally know my power and we'll go on a date
00:02:29But if she's boring, I'm ghosting her
00:02:31Demi, you did you read that he's going to do one single bad friend
00:02:37The only way that I can finally find my true love
00:02:40Is for me to have a
00:02:41Wait, no, sorry, stop
00:02:44No, stop dancing
00:02:45Cut the music
00:02:46You're not even
00:02:47Okay, sorry
00:02:48Sorry
00:02:49We taped the seat off so that my crush could sit there
00:02:52I don't
00:02:52Sorry to interrupt everyone
00:02:54Hey, I didn't get a chance to tell you before the show
00:02:57But your crush didn't show up
00:02:59So we did have to release her seat
00:03:01Sorry about that
00:03:02No, we're not
00:03:09Not doing that now, obviously
00:03:10Don't
00:03:11Okay, get the fuck out of here
00:03:12Don't
00:03:12You're not in the right order either
00:03:14Fucking
00:03:15Fucking fiver
00:03:19Uh, okay
00:03:20Um
00:03:21I
00:03:22Uh, sorry
00:03:24No, that's the theater manager
00:03:25That's, uh, Miss Allison Dusty
00:03:27I'm sorry
00:03:28Uh
00:03:28Sorry
00:03:29Des
00:03:30Destry
00:03:31Destry, sorry
00:03:32Allison Destry
00:03:33Sorry, that's
00:03:34I'm so sorry
00:03:34Miss Allison Destry
00:03:35Uh, yeah
00:03:36Give her a hand
00:03:37It's okay
00:03:39Uh, hey
00:03:41Demi
00:03:41Uh, now that I have you though
00:03:43We have your phone backstage
00:03:44And you are getting a phone call
00:03:46Do you want us to pick it up
00:03:47Yes
00:03:47Uh, yes
00:03:48Uh, yeah
00:03:49Sorry
00:03:49I think she's
00:03:50Saying that she's running away
00:03:51Yeah, patch her through
00:03:52Demi, it's me
00:03:56I don't
00:03:59Sorry, I don't know who this is
00:04:00Wally Shawn
00:04:01The
00:04:06The character actor Wally
00:04:07Like the Princess Bride guy
00:04:09As well as other things
00:04:11My Dinner with Andre
00:04:12The Incredibles
00:04:13Myung Sheldon
00:04:14Merit Story
00:04:15Toy Story
00:04:16Toy Story 2
00:04:17Yeah, I get
00:04:18Toy Story 3
00:04:18Yeah, the Toy Stories
00:04:19Okay, is there a
00:04:20Sorry, is that a
00:04:21There's a lot of noise where you are
00:04:22What's going on right now?
00:04:24Oh, yeah
00:04:24Sorry about that
00:04:26Tonight's the biggest party of the year
00:04:28It's the 37th Annual
00:04:29Wally Shawn Block Party
00:04:31You say 37th Annual
00:04:33Wally Shawn Block Party?
00:04:35Yeah, everybody's here
00:04:36The cast of the Princess Bride
00:04:38The cast of my
00:04:39Demi Andre
00:04:39Okay
00:04:40Yeah, you're cast
00:04:41I got it
00:04:41I get it
00:04:42Everyone you know is there
00:04:43That's very cool
00:04:43I think your crush is here too
00:04:45What?
00:04:48Are you
00:04:48Uh, she is?
00:04:50She said
00:04:50You're doing some sort of special show?
00:04:54Yeah
00:04:54I'm doing a show
00:04:55Yeah, it's
00:04:55I'm doing a show
00:04:56Where I'm going to do a backflip
00:04:57And I wanted her to be here
00:04:58So she could see me do the fucking flip
00:05:00Why is she at
00:05:00The Wallace Shawn Block Party?
00:05:04Wow
00:05:04That's a huge feat
00:05:06I wish I could be there to see it
00:05:08Anyway
00:05:08I gotta go
00:05:09Swiss Beats is about to do a duet
00:05:11Of Island in the Stream
00:05:12With Roger Deakins
00:05:13Did you say Swiss Beats
00:05:18And Roger Deakins?
00:05:19Call ended
00:05:21So he didn't invite me to the party
00:05:25He was just telling me that
00:05:26It's happening
00:05:27Okay
00:05:27Uh
00:05:28Uh
00:05:30I'm sorry
00:05:31I didn't want to
00:05:32This is a weird way to start the show
00:05:34Let me just explain
00:05:35Um
00:05:35Uh
00:05:36My crush says this thing sometimes
00:05:38About how she thinks it's cool
00:05:39When men can do backflips
00:05:40So I was like
00:05:41Well I'm going to surprise her
00:05:41By just sort of
00:05:42Popping off the perfect backflip
00:05:43During the show
00:05:44Uh
00:05:45But uh
00:05:46Then I told the theater about it
00:05:47And they were like
00:05:47That's great
00:05:47What are the other 59 minutes
00:05:49Of the show
00:05:49So I came up with a system
00:05:50And tonight my plan was
00:05:52To not only do a flip
00:05:53But also do something
00:05:54That I have dubbed
00:05:55Of
00:05:56Shit
00:05:56It's not fucking
00:06:02Wait
00:06:03It's not
00:06:03I hate this stupid fucking laptop
00:06:07Yeah we'll do that again
00:06:08Okay
00:06:08So what I was going to say
00:06:09Is I'm not only going to do a flip
00:06:10I'm also going to do
00:06:11What I've dubbed
00:06:11A flip
00:06:13Which is a system
00:06:15Of five different things
00:06:16That you can do
00:06:16To impress someone
00:06:17Six if you conclude
00:06:17The exclamation mark
00:06:18That's the flip
00:06:19I do wish that she was here
00:06:21For it
00:06:22But I
00:06:22I feel like I'm just going to
00:06:24Go ahead and do it anyway
00:06:24The first thing you're going to
00:06:25Want to do
00:06:26For this system
00:06:27Is you want to
00:06:27A
00:06:28Analyze the present
00:06:29You got to show your crush
00:06:31That you know
00:06:32What's going on in the world
00:06:33That you're up to date
00:06:33On current events
00:06:34But you have to do it
00:06:34In a way that is interesting
00:06:35And it's got to be exciting
00:06:36It's got to be fun
00:06:37And most importantly
00:06:38It has to be unique
00:06:40It has to be something
00:06:40No one's done before
00:06:41And then it came up
00:06:42With a pretty fucking good idea
00:06:43You guys know that song
00:06:46We didn't start the fire
00:06:48How come no one's ever
00:06:53Updated that song
00:06:55To talk about things
00:06:59Going on right now
00:07:00So tonight
00:07:02I'm about to be the first person
00:07:04In history
00:07:05To update
00:07:07We didn't start the fire
00:07:08With current events
00:07:12Check this shit out
00:07:16Caitlin Clark
00:07:17Angel Reeves
00:07:18Global temperature increase
00:07:19Kim Jong Un and Putin ride
00:07:21Chicken master sued
00:07:22Taylor Billy
00:07:23Chapel Roan
00:07:24Spinoff show for Game of Thrones
00:07:26Demi walking to his car
00:07:27Inside out too
00:07:29He's happened recently
00:07:35Timberlake
00:07:36DUI
00:07:37Demi stopped by random guy
00:07:39Red Lobster bankruptcy
00:07:40Guy says
00:07:41Demi
00:07:41Hey
00:07:42It's me
00:07:42Eagles win the big game
00:07:44Demi can't recall his name
00:07:45Guy looks mad
00:07:46Demi runs
00:07:47Elon is a Nazi
00:07:49Elon is a Nazi
00:07:49Elon is a hostile acquire
00:07:51He's a fossil song
00:07:53From all my buried Joe
00:07:55He knew they can't be named
00:07:57So I made an update
00:08:00With current references
00:08:02Earthquakes
00:08:03Hurricanes
00:08:03Paris
00:08:04Hosts
00:08:04Olympic games
00:08:05Demi can't get to his car
00:08:07The guy is right in front
00:08:08Demi turns and then he gasps
00:08:10See somebody selling masks
00:08:12Kind of like Tom Cruise has when he's playing
00:08:14Ethan Hunt
00:08:14Young Thug has a Rico case
00:08:16Demi buys a random face
00:08:18He walks to his Subaru
00:08:19Guy says
00:08:20Oh my god
00:08:21It's you
00:08:21Zendaya and Timothy
00:08:23Guy says he's in love with me
00:08:25Asked me out
00:08:25On a date
00:08:26Nervous
00:08:27So I said yes
00:08:28We can start the fire
00:08:30As a list of old
00:08:32As I shake the terror
00:08:34But now the things are different
00:08:37I rewrote the lyrics
00:08:39And that's so normal
00:08:41Kendrick drops a drape
00:08:42This Lord and Charlie remix
00:08:44Bridge collapse in Baltimore
00:08:46We're sitting on his back porch
00:08:47Talking about the olden days
00:08:49I'm the one that got away
00:08:51I still do not know his name
00:08:52I just call him Big Dog
00:08:54We can start the fire
00:08:56Now it's time for Demi
00:08:59And he's crushed to pull me
00:09:00Oh what a lovely moment
00:09:03She wouldn't dance like that
00:09:04She dances different
00:09:06Luka Doncic runs LeBron
00:09:09Hours later
00:09:09Date still on
00:09:10Conversations getting deep
00:09:12Then he turns and faces me
00:09:13He looks sad and starts to cry
00:09:15Now I feel bad for the guy
00:09:17I reach out to comfort him
00:09:18He says wait
00:09:19Black skin
00:09:20Will Smith come back
00:09:22I forgot my hand is black
00:09:23Biden mumbles
00:09:24Trump lies
00:09:25He rips off my disguise
00:09:27Oscars
00:09:27Tonies
00:09:28B.E.T.
00:09:28Guy is mad to learn
00:09:29It's me I say that this only work
00:09:31Cause he took me on a date
00:09:32But ask me no questions
00:09:33He didn't stop the fire
00:09:35But I made a parody
00:09:38About the present
00:09:39Nobody else has done this
00:09:42Did not check the Google
00:09:44I'm first in history
00:09:46Phone alarm starts to ring
00:09:48Fuck it's time for me to leave
00:09:49I tell him sorry and goodbye
00:09:51I'm doing the show tonight
00:09:53Accidentally knocked my drink
00:09:54Made it spill all over me
00:09:56He says laughing hard as hell
00:09:58The crowd will think you pissed yourself
00:09:59I say they might think it's gum
00:10:01He says only if they're dumb
00:10:02First of all it's not that thick
00:10:04And second there's too much of it
00:10:06Getting stressed
00:10:07Show is near
00:10:07Then I have a bright idea
00:10:09Mention in my intro
00:10:10That I do not piss my pants now
00:10:12We didn't stop the fire
00:10:14And we also did
00:10:17This occurring thousand
00:10:18Also I found his insta
00:10:21And I learned his name
00:10:23Turns out it's also Jimmy
00:10:26So that's going on in the world nowadays
00:10:27Now the second thing you're going to want to do
00:10:31In this system is F
00:10:32You're going to want to move on to
00:10:34Flaunting your knowledge
00:10:35You got to show your crush
00:10:37That as much as you know about the world
00:10:39There's also something you know about that's special
00:10:40Something artful
00:10:41Something beautiful to you
00:10:42Something you're an expert in
00:10:43And I was like
00:10:44Well I want to share that with the audience
00:10:45I want to show you all that I'm an expert
00:10:46In something artful
00:10:47And I was trying to think of what that was
00:10:48And then I realized
00:10:49There's something I love more than anything in the world
00:10:51More than anyone in the world
00:10:52So tonight
00:10:53I'd like to teach you all a little bit
00:10:55About the art of
00:10:56Jazz
00:11:01I love jazz
00:11:09I live jazz
00:11:10I eat jazz
00:11:11I breathe jazz
00:11:12I sleep jazz
00:11:12I don't even bleed blood anymore
00:11:14You know
00:11:15I jizz jazz
00:11:16And sometimes I talk about this
00:11:18And people look at me a little confused
00:11:19They're like
00:11:19Demi
00:11:19What's jazz?
00:11:21Let me give it to you straight
00:11:22Alright
00:11:22I'm a jazz head
00:11:23I know a little bit about this shit
00:11:24Jazz
00:11:25Is
00:11:26Bad
00:11:27Jazz
00:11:31Is
00:11:31Garbage music for boring people
00:11:32Jazz
00:11:34Is
00:11:34The exclusive listening choice of sociopaths
00:11:37And I know how people react when I say this
00:11:39And I'm going to ask you something
00:11:40And I still want you to be honest
00:11:41Alright
00:11:41I'd like to get a show of hands from you all
00:11:43Who here likes jazz?
00:11:44No see
00:11:47All your hands should be up
00:11:48Because the truth is
00:11:48Everybody likes jazz
00:11:49Everybody loves jazz
00:11:51If you think you don't like jazz
00:11:52Think about whether you don't like yourself
00:11:53It's the pill and the applesauce
00:11:54It's the root of all the music
00:11:55We've ever fucking enjoyed
00:11:56Okay
00:11:56Let's do a little test
00:11:57Alright
00:11:58Raise your hands if you like
00:11:59Beyonce
00:12:00Huh?
00:12:01Oh way more hands
00:12:02That's weird
00:12:03All of you like
00:12:04Jazz
00:12:05Do me a quick favor
00:12:08Raise your hands if you like
00:12:09Kendrick Lamar
00:12:10Yeah
00:12:11Well all of you
00:12:12Like
00:12:12Jazz
00:12:13All right
00:12:15Raise your hands for me
00:12:15If you like the sounds of Radiohead
00:12:17Well all of you
00:12:19No?
00:12:21No you don't
00:12:21Oh
00:12:22Just
00:12:22Okay
00:12:23That's fine
00:12:24The rest of you like
00:12:25Jazz
00:12:26Wait
00:12:29You seem like
00:12:30Is it like
00:12:31They're fine to
00:12:32Sure sure
00:12:36But the music
00:12:36Alright
00:12:38But like
00:12:47Like
00:12:47Like
00:12:49You listen to their albums
00:12:50Right
00:12:50And they're
00:12:53They're fine
00:12:54There's
00:13:05You don't
00:13:06There's not like
00:13:07You don't think
00:13:07They have any
00:13:08Perfect albums
00:13:09That's it
00:13:12Okay
00:13:14I just wanna
00:13:15They're one of the
00:13:15Greatest bands
00:13:16In the fucking world
00:13:17And it's crazy
00:13:17But you just sit here
00:13:18And tell me
00:13:18They're fine
00:13:19If you listen to everything
00:13:20Then how can you say
00:13:20They're fine
00:13:21I think you actually like them
00:13:22I think you're scared
00:13:22How much you love Radiohead
00:13:23Hey Demi
00:13:24Hey
00:13:25Just reminding you
00:13:26We only have one hour
00:13:27In the theater
00:13:28And you probably
00:13:30Don't wanna spend that
00:13:30Talking about Radiohead
00:13:32So yeah
00:13:32I would love to actually
00:13:35But
00:13:36It's fucking
00:13:42It's slow
00:13:43I don't
00:13:43God damn it
00:13:51They're great
00:13:53They're really good
00:13:53Okay
00:13:54Let's talk about jazz
00:13:55In the visual sense
00:13:56Because it's not just
00:13:57About the music
00:13:57It's about the way
00:13:58That people see it
00:13:59There's a painting
00:14:00Of a cajun musician
00:14:01In the 1920s
00:14:02That I think
00:14:02Is one of the best
00:14:03Representations of jazz
00:14:03If you look at his body
00:14:05It tells one story
00:14:05There's a lot of color
00:14:06There's a lot of angles
00:14:07It's bouncy
00:14:08It's jovial
00:14:08He's happy
00:14:09His face
00:14:10Says something different
00:14:11These droopy eyelids
00:14:12This sort of
00:14:12Monochromatic smile
00:14:13There's a sadness
00:14:14There as well
00:14:15How could those two
00:14:15Things coexist
00:14:16Jazz is the way
00:14:17They coexist
00:14:18Jazz is the space
00:14:19Between
00:14:19It's the way you make
00:14:20Happy
00:14:20Through the sad times
00:14:21Of the light
00:14:22You bring to the darkness
00:14:23I do love talking
00:14:24About this image so much
00:14:25It might be a little
00:14:25Hard to see
00:14:26But you're very lucky
00:14:27You live in a place
00:14:28Where you can go see it
00:14:28For yourself
00:14:28Personally
00:14:29All you gotta do
00:14:29Is go to
00:14:30Any Popeye's chicken
00:14:31Nationwide
00:14:32It's right there
00:14:33On the wall
00:14:34Next to a chicken
00:14:35Playing the salt shaker
00:14:36I would love to talk
00:14:37A little bit about jazz
00:14:38In film
00:14:39Because I think
00:14:40There's a
00:14:40Very popular movie
00:14:42About jazz
00:14:42That I think
00:14:43Is one of the best
00:14:43Depictions of jazz
00:14:44I love it
00:14:45And I think
00:14:45It deserved every award
00:14:46It was nominated for
00:14:47If you got a guess
00:14:48You can shout it out
00:14:49No
00:14:51Another guess
00:14:52What?
00:14:55Not soul
00:14:56Not whiplash
00:14:57Fuck this
00:14:59It's
00:14:59Spider-Man 3
00:15:00This scene in
00:15:04Spider-Man 3
00:15:05Is one of the best
00:15:05Depictions of jazz
00:15:06We've ever got
00:15:07Because
00:15:07It shows that jazz
00:15:08Is not just about
00:15:09The way you play music
00:15:10It's about the way
00:15:10You take up space
00:15:11All right
00:15:11Jazz
00:15:12Is dancing on chairs
00:15:13And tabletops
00:15:14Jazz
00:15:16Is going to your
00:15:16Ex-girlfriend's
00:15:17Place of business
00:15:17During working hours
00:15:18To harass her
00:15:19Jazz
00:15:20Is letting an alien
00:15:21Symbioke come down
00:15:22From outer space
00:15:23To take over your
00:15:23Personality
00:15:23Until you're a little
00:15:24Bit of an asshole
00:15:25It's all these things
00:15:26And when I talk about that
00:15:27People are like
00:15:28That's not what
00:15:28They're doing
00:15:28With this scene
00:15:29These filmmakers
00:15:29Aren't trying
00:15:30To depict jazz
00:15:31And if that's true
00:15:32Then I ask
00:15:32Why is there this
00:15:33Beautiful little easter egg
00:15:34In this scene
00:15:34If you look closely
00:15:34You'll see
00:15:35A neon sign
00:15:36That simply says
00:15:36Jazz
00:15:37I mentioned a little thing
00:15:40About an alien
00:15:42Symbioke coming down
00:15:43From outer space
00:15:43To take over your personality
00:15:44And sometimes people are like
00:15:45Well I don't have access
00:15:45To that
00:15:46You can actually
00:15:46Just get that effect
00:15:47In other ways
00:15:48All you gotta do
00:15:48Is just smoke a bunch
00:15:48Of cigarettes
00:15:49It's kind of the same thing
00:15:50And look
00:15:50I'm gonna be honest
00:15:51There's no kids here
00:15:52You can tell the truth
00:15:54It's just us
00:15:55Smoking is cool
00:15:57All right
00:16:03Let's talk about jazz
00:16:04In the musical sense
00:16:05The way that most people
00:16:06Know it
00:16:06Now in order to teach you
00:16:07All about jazz
00:16:08I've composed this little song
00:16:09It's called
00:16:10Now This Is Jazz
00:16:11And I want to tell you
00:16:12This ahead of time
00:16:12Because lyrically
00:16:13Jazz is for idiots
00:16:14You don't want to have
00:16:15Lyrics that are complicated
00:16:16The lyrics should always
00:16:17Just be variations
00:16:18On the words
00:16:18That you see in the title
00:16:19So the lyrics
00:16:20You'd have to know to this
00:16:21If you want to sing along
00:16:22It would be the words
00:16:23Now
00:16:23This
00:16:24Is
00:16:24And jazz
00:16:25In different orders
00:16:26Now that you know that
00:16:27This
00:16:27Is jazz
00:16:29You want to start some percussion
00:16:30Very light
00:16:32Nothing too crazy
00:16:33Then you want to layer it
00:16:34Right on top of itself
00:16:35Yeah
00:16:36Now you add
00:16:37Cool ass bass line
00:16:38This is my favorite part
00:16:42You want to do something
00:16:43Called the piano tickle
00:16:44You play the piano
00:16:44Very light
00:16:45Just like this
00:16:45Just like
00:16:46Very light
00:16:47Don't even
00:16:48Don't even look at it
00:16:49Who cares
00:16:50See
00:16:51Now give me three notes
00:16:52Just like a
00:16:53Pretty good
00:16:54Now horns
00:16:55I like a little more horns
00:16:58Yeah
00:17:00Alright
00:17:01Now it's jazz time
00:17:02What is jazz?
00:17:03This is jazz
00:17:04But what is jazz?
00:17:05This is jazz
00:17:06What is this?
00:17:07Jazz is this
00:17:08Is that true Yoda?
00:17:09Jazz is this
00:17:10When is jazz?
00:17:11Now it's jazz
00:17:12When is now?
00:17:13This is jazz
00:17:14What was the
00:17:14He was the name of the fresh prince's best friend
00:17:16What was it?
00:17:17Jazz
00:17:17Thank you
00:17:18Okay
00:17:18If you ever forget the lyrics
00:17:20You can just do something called
00:17:21Scatting
00:17:21So what you say
00:17:22What's on the top of your head
00:17:23Very rhythmically
00:17:23It's very easy
00:17:24We'll do it together
00:17:25I'm gonna give you a couple of beats
00:17:26I'm gonna pass the mic on to you
00:17:27You wanna scat with me?
00:17:28It's gonna be easy
00:17:28Don't freak out
00:17:29I got this
00:17:30Skibbidi bop bop
00:17:31Shoop bop
00:17:32Doobbidi bop bop
00:17:33Come on
00:17:33And give me some scatting
00:17:34Skibbidi bop
00:17:36Bop
00:17:36Bop
00:17:37Pretty good
00:17:38Skibbidi bop bop
00:17:39Shoop bop
00:17:40Come on
00:17:41Give me some scatting now
00:17:42Doobbidi bop bop
00:17:43Doobbidi bop bop
00:17:44Shoop bop bop
00:17:45Shoop bop bop
00:17:46Lovin' it
00:17:46Skibbidi bop bop
00:17:47Bop bop
00:17:48Bop bop
00:17:48Bop bop
00:17:49Doob
00:17:49Come give it to me
00:17:50Ba-da-la-ba-da-ba-da-ba
00:17:52Doobb
00:17:53Love it
00:17:54Skibbidi bop
00:17:55Bop bop
00:17:55Come on
00:17:56Can I get some scatting now
00:17:57Brother
00:17:58Cheating on my wife
00:17:59Cheating on my wife
00:18:00I'm here on a date tonight
00:18:01Cheating on my wife
00:18:02That's
00:18:05No
00:18:05That's a joke right
00:18:06That wouldn't
00:18:06That's not true
00:18:08Yes it is
00:18:09I'm cheating on my wife
00:18:09Okay I
00:18:14So top of the mind
00:18:15You can make up
00:18:15Any
00:18:16Okay
00:18:16Making jazz is easy to do
00:18:19Anybody can do it
00:18:20If you really want to
00:18:21You can do it in the night
00:18:22You can do it in the morning
00:18:23But you always want to end
00:18:24With some
00:18:24Freak that horn
00:18:25So hit me now one time
00:18:26Hit me now two times
00:18:28And now scat
00:18:30I'm here tonight
00:18:30Cheating on my husband
00:18:31Don't sit in the front row
00:18:48Love is love
00:18:55Alright so
00:18:57After you've successfully
00:18:58Flaunted your knowledge
00:18:59Hey Demi
00:19:00Sorry to interrupt again
00:19:02Sorry
00:19:02Is everything okay
00:19:03Miss Dusty
00:19:03Destry
00:19:04Destry
00:19:05Allison Destry
00:19:07I'm sorry
00:19:07My bad
00:19:09Miss Allison Destry
00:19:10Mrs. Allison Destry
00:19:12Actually
00:19:13Okay that's not
00:19:14Okay
00:19:14Is everything okay
00:19:15Mrs. Allison Destry
00:19:16It's not the point
00:19:17You're getting another phone call
00:19:18Okay
00:19:19I
00:19:19She's probably outside
00:19:21Yeah
00:19:22Petra through
00:19:22Thank you
00:19:24I'm so sorry
00:19:25I just
00:19:25I don't
00:19:26She'll probably explain
00:19:28Why she's late
00:19:28Demi
00:19:29It's me
00:19:30Who is this
00:19:34I'll give you a hint
00:19:36When we arrive
00:19:39Sons and daughters
00:19:41I don't know what that is man
00:19:51I'm the lead singer
00:19:54Of the Decemberists
00:19:56I don't know who that is
00:20:07I'm Colin Malloy
00:20:12I don't know who Colin Malloy is man
00:20:14I'm in
00:20:16The Decemberists
00:20:17Yeah I understand
00:20:18Contextually I get that
00:20:20But I don't
00:20:20Is there a reason
00:20:21Is your band
00:20:22Does that
00:20:22Something to do
00:20:23Are you gonna do a back flip
00:20:25Back flips are so dangerous
00:20:28Which is why I want to show you
00:20:31What will happen
00:20:31If you try and do this back flip
00:20:34Wait are you here
00:20:34What do you mean you're gonna show me
00:20:35How are you gonna
00:20:36Wow I'm so excited to do my back flip
00:20:39What the fuck is this
00:20:41I can't wait
00:20:41Alright everybody
00:20:43Here goes the back flip
00:20:45Uh oh
00:20:48I'm dead now
00:20:49Hell yeah brother
00:20:51I've made it to heaven
00:20:52Because of all my good deeds in life
00:20:54Aw crap
00:20:56They won't let me into heaven
00:20:57Because I didn't do the flip
00:20:58Aw crap
00:21:00It is so hot in hell
00:21:14Is that
00:21:16When we arrived
00:21:19Sons and daughters
00:21:21I'm sorry
00:21:28Does that say Sundance
00:21:30They let this
00:21:32Why would they let this
00:21:33Into Sundance
00:21:34I'm in the Decemberists
00:21:38I don't fucking understand
00:21:40What that has to do
00:21:40With anything
00:21:41I feel crazy
00:21:42Wait a minute sorry
00:21:42I'm getting a text
00:21:43Oh wow
00:21:45I've gotta go
00:21:47I've been invited
00:21:48To a party
00:21:49Where Swiss Beats
00:21:51Is about to sing
00:21:52Island in the stream
00:21:53With Roger Deacon
00:21:55Everybody's getting invited
00:21:58To this party
00:21:58It's been like 20 minutes
00:21:59They haven't sang yet
00:22:00Or are they doing it again
00:22:01Call ended
00:22:03Okay
00:22:03I
00:22:03Alright Allison
00:22:04I would love if we could just
00:22:06No more phone calls
00:22:08Just unplug it
00:22:09Okay you explicitly
00:22:10Gave me your phone
00:22:11With the instructions
00:22:12To answer any call
00:22:13That comes through
00:22:14In case it's your crush
00:22:15That made sense at the time
00:22:16And it's not working out
00:22:16So let's
00:22:17No more phone calls
00:22:17Okay
00:22:19So the next thing
00:22:19You want to do
00:22:20For your crush
00:22:21Is you want to
00:22:22L
00:22:22And L is all about
00:22:24Showing your crush
00:22:24That you can improvise
00:22:25That you can adapt
00:22:26That you can roll
00:22:26With the punches to say
00:22:27And so I wanted to make
00:22:28This show feel light
00:22:29On its feet
00:22:30Show you all
00:22:30That I can improvise
00:22:31And adapt
00:22:31And roll with the punches
00:22:32So when you came here tonight
00:22:33You might have seen
00:22:34This little bucket
00:22:34Where I asked you all
00:22:35To write your names
00:22:36On a piece of paper
00:22:36And what I want to do now
00:22:38I'm going to draw a name
00:22:39From this bucket
00:22:39Invite that person
00:22:40On the stage
00:22:41And let you punch me
00:22:43In the stomach
00:22:43As hard as you can
00:22:44All right
00:22:54Let's do this
00:22:54Okay
00:22:56Let me see
00:22:58I think
00:23:04I feel like this
00:23:05Is a joke name
00:23:06That someone wrote
00:23:07But I
00:23:07I just said
00:23:09I got to roll with the punches
00:23:10Who the fuck
00:23:11Is punchbot 5000
00:23:12Me
00:23:13Yeah
00:23:19Sorry
00:23:24Okay
00:23:24No hold
00:23:25Hold on
00:23:26What the fuck is this
00:23:27You're fast
00:23:28Okay
00:23:31And your hands
00:23:32Backwards punch
00:23:33Just stay right there
00:23:37Just
00:23:38Oh Demi
00:23:39I'm going to revenge
00:23:40So hard on you
00:23:42When I punch you
00:23:43Revenge?
00:23:44Yeah
00:23:44I'm going to revenge
00:23:45And you know why?
00:23:47No I actually
00:23:48Don't know why
00:23:49Because
00:23:49I'm a man's man
00:23:52And a man's man
00:23:53Is a real gentleman
00:23:54And he stands up
00:23:56When his woman
00:23:57Gets hurt
00:23:57You hurt my girlfriend
00:24:01I don't know
00:24:02What this robot
00:24:03Is talking
00:24:04Allison
00:24:04Roll the clip
00:24:06What clip?
00:24:07What are you talking about?
00:24:09Shit
00:24:10Sorry
00:24:21I hate this stupid
00:24:22Fucking laptop
00:24:23Uh
00:24:24No
00:24:30No
00:24:31Don't
00:24:33You can
00:24:34You're applauding?
00:24:35You're an abuser
00:24:36Get ready to get punched
00:24:38Right in the bad spot
00:24:40Can you just get a little closer?
00:24:41What is the bad spot?
00:24:43Sorry
00:24:43Clarify
00:24:44Can I say penis on stage?
00:24:48Yeah
00:24:49You can do whatever you want
00:24:50Punchbot
00:24:51Whatever I want?
00:24:52Alright
00:24:52No
00:24:53I don't
00:24:53I don't know
00:24:54What that tone means
00:24:54But
00:24:55Wait a second
00:24:55All this talk about
00:24:57Penises
00:24:58Penises
00:24:58And you letting me do
00:25:01Whatever I want
00:25:02Is reminding me
00:25:03Of something
00:25:04That I actually
00:25:04Really wanted to tell you
00:25:06Demi
00:25:06What's that?
00:25:09Demi
00:25:09I'm in love with you
00:25:12Do you believe
00:25:16In love at first sight?
00:25:18Not really
00:25:19Do you believe
00:25:20In parasocial relationships?
00:25:22I believe they exist
00:25:24Yeah
00:25:24Okay
00:25:24We can get this off the screen
00:25:25By the way
00:25:26No Demi
00:25:28You
00:25:28Don't be afraid
00:25:29Stand in your power
00:25:30And kiss me
00:25:31I'm not gonna kiss
00:25:34I'll let you punch me
00:25:35And then
00:25:35You can go
00:25:36You'll let me
00:25:37Punch you
00:25:38And then I can go?
00:25:40Yeah
00:25:40That's all I am
00:25:41To you Demi
00:25:42Just some
00:25:43Fucking robot
00:25:44That just punches
00:25:45And doesn't even
00:25:47Love at all
00:25:48Hug me Demi
00:25:49What is going on?
00:25:56Demi
00:25:56This is what love is
00:25:57I wouldn't expect you
00:25:58To understand
00:25:59I guess
00:26:00So it's a no?
00:26:02Yeah it's a no
00:26:02Sorry
00:26:03Oh interesting
00:26:04Do you know what happens
00:26:05When I don't get
00:26:06What I want?
00:26:07No
00:26:08What do you
00:26:08Well
00:26:09If you could actually
00:26:11Just turn me
00:26:12Oh actually
00:26:12I'm doing it
00:26:13Pretty good
00:26:14On my own
00:26:15Cause I'm an independent robot
00:26:17And I don't need
00:26:18No man
00:26:19Or girlfriend
00:26:20That's right
00:26:22Yeah
00:26:22Give it up for me
00:26:22Wait sorry
00:26:23You
00:26:23Pick a side
00:26:27What's going on?
00:26:28They're on the side
00:26:29Of truth and love
00:26:31Demi
00:26:31Something you
00:26:32Wouldn't understand
00:26:34Nope
00:26:36Nope
00:26:36Nope
00:26:37Nope
00:26:37I was aiming
00:26:42For the stairs
00:26:43Demi
00:26:43I swear
00:26:44Oh no
00:26:46Demi
00:26:46Looks like
00:26:47You have to use
00:26:47Your big strong arms
00:26:48And butt
00:26:49To pick me up
00:26:50And butt
00:26:53Yeah
00:26:53Cause you can't
00:26:54Just lift with your back
00:26:55You gotta use your legs
00:26:56When you lift up
00:26:57Something heavy
00:26:58Like my heart
00:26:59I'm ready
00:27:02I'm ready
00:27:03Okay
00:27:03Here we go
00:27:05Oh yeah
00:27:06Oh
00:27:08I've never been
00:27:09Held like this
00:27:10Before
00:27:11Demi
00:27:11Demi
00:27:13I love you so much
00:27:15And together
00:27:16Where are you going
00:27:17I am not interested
00:27:19Punchbowl
00:27:19But thank you
00:27:20Fine
00:27:21Don't fucking
00:27:23No
00:27:23Sorry
00:27:30If the trailer
00:27:39For this show
00:27:39Opens with everyone
00:27:40Booing
00:27:41As the word
00:27:41Abuser
00:27:42Is on screen
00:27:43I will kill myself
00:27:45In front of you all
00:27:46You all cheered
00:27:49The second I said
00:27:49I was going to get
00:27:50Assaulted
00:27:50And you cried
00:27:51The second my
00:27:52Assaulter
00:27:53Jumped off the stage
00:27:55By the way
00:27:56You didn't care
00:27:57When I hit the laptop live
00:27:58You're all fucking complicit
00:27:59Get it off the screen
00:28:03Thank you
00:28:06Okay
00:28:08I am very sorry
00:28:10About that intrusion
00:28:10I did intend
00:28:12To draw a name
00:28:13So I want to invite
00:28:14Someone back
00:28:14Up on the stage
00:28:15So
00:28:15I would love
00:28:17To see
00:28:18If we could get
00:28:19Jesus fucking Christ
00:28:21Read it
00:28:23Kickbot 5000
00:28:27We're not doing this
00:28:28Yes come to me
00:28:29Come to me
00:28:30Demi
00:28:30Oh
00:28:31My hat
00:28:34AI will not replace us
00:28:36That's how you pander baby
00:28:42Alright
00:28:44After you successfully
00:28:46Showing that you can
00:28:48Roll with the punches
00:28:49The next thing
00:28:49That you're going to
00:28:50Want to do
00:28:50Is
00:28:51I
00:28:52You want to
00:28:53Immortalize a historical icon
00:28:54Now you want to
00:28:56Show your crush
00:28:56As much reference
00:28:57As you have for the present
00:28:58You also have for the past
00:28:59So you want to talk about
00:29:00An icon that has changed
00:29:01Your life
00:29:01Someone that's moved you
00:29:02In a very specific way
00:29:03And I wanted it
00:29:04To be specific to me
00:29:05So I'm not like a president
00:29:06Or someone that's changed
00:29:07The course of history
00:29:07So I was like
00:29:08Who has affected me
00:29:09In a very direct way
00:29:10And pretty quickly
00:29:11I landed on someone
00:29:13That I think has changed
00:29:14My life
00:29:14In so many ways
00:29:15It's almost uncountable
00:29:16Tonight
00:29:17I would like to
00:29:18Immortalize
00:29:18The Ikea monkey
00:29:19Big cheer
00:29:25But I'd love to see
00:29:25A show of hands
00:29:26Who doesn't know
00:29:27What the Ikea monkey is
00:29:29Don't gasp
00:29:32That gasp is
00:29:33You shocked
00:29:34That anyone
00:29:35Who is not as online
00:29:36As you are
00:29:36Is in this room
00:29:37Which is a shock
00:29:38To me too I guess
00:29:39But anyway
00:29:39Let me give you
00:29:40A quick rundown
00:29:40Of this story
00:29:41Alright
00:29:41December 9, 2012
00:29:43Toronto, Canada
00:29:44There's an Ikea there
00:29:45A tiny little monkey
00:29:45In a fur coat
00:29:46And a diaper
00:29:46Wanders into this Ikea
00:29:47Wanders around the store
00:29:48For about an hour
00:29:48People who would not
00:29:49Take photos
00:29:49Post them online
00:29:50To what is now known
00:29:51As x
00:29:51Formally twitter.com
00:29:52And after the hour
00:29:53Is over
00:29:53The monkey
00:29:54Calmly and peacefully
00:29:56Exits the store
00:29:57That's it
00:29:59That's everything
00:30:01That happened
00:30:02And it seems like
00:30:02It's not very impressive
00:30:03Or relevant
00:30:04But I was working
00:30:05At an Ikea this year
00:30:06And it was one of
00:30:07The worst jobs
00:30:08I've ever had
00:30:08And when this little
00:30:09Thing happened
00:30:10I thought
00:30:10Wow
00:30:11What a trailblazer
00:30:12You work at Ikea
00:30:13They have all these rules
00:30:14You know
00:30:14No monkeys
00:30:15Other types of stuff
00:30:16And this little guy
00:30:18He decided
00:30:19To blaze a path
00:30:20And say
00:30:21No I'm not gonna
00:30:21Do what everyone
00:30:22Wants me to do
00:30:22Stay at home
00:30:23Eat banana
00:30:24Raise George of Jungle
00:30:25No
00:30:26I'm gonna go
00:30:27Look at homewares
00:30:28And so from that day on
00:30:29I was like
00:30:29This guy is
00:30:30He's my guide
00:30:31He's my
00:30:32My sort of
00:30:33I feel him within me
00:30:34I even felt him
00:30:34Without me at a certain point
00:30:35When I decided to start
00:30:36Dressing like him
00:30:37And in that time
00:30:40You know
00:30:40I started talking
00:30:41About this guy
00:30:41And I would tell people
00:30:42About it
00:30:42And they would tell me
00:30:43They didn't remember it
00:30:44And I was just sort of
00:30:44Like upset
00:30:45To think that the story
00:30:46Could be forgotten to time
00:30:47So I decided
00:30:48I had to be the one
00:30:49To memorialize him
00:30:50So tonight
00:30:50What I'm gonna do
00:30:51To memorialize
00:30:52The Ikea monkey
00:30:52Is deliver his story
00:30:54Through a musical
00:30:55A musical that I've written
00:30:57Called
00:30:58Ikea monkey
00:30:59The musical
00:31:00You might take that back
00:31:04After you hear it
00:31:05Yeah
00:31:10Yeah
00:31:13Every day I check into my job at Ikea
00:31:41Greet people with a, hi, say bye with a, see ya
00:31:44Tell them where to find all the moms and poings inside their favorite store
00:31:49My boss says to smile and to be less pouty
00:31:52But working 9 to 5 really takes a lot out of ya
00:31:55I just keep on wishing and hoping and destined for something more
00:32:00Then one day a customer asks for my wisdom
00:32:04I walk through the aisles thinking I can assist them
00:32:06I hear a worried voice on my PA system saying
00:32:09Dropers, please be aware
00:32:11There is a wild animal moose seen roaming on the premises
00:32:15They asked us to leave the store for our own benefits
00:32:17I'm thinking it's a moose or a lion or an elephant
00:32:20And then I see him standing there
00:32:22He's just a tiny Japanese snow macaw
00:32:25In a jacket made of fur
00:32:28The customer ran and screamed
00:32:30What was he doing in this part of the country?
00:32:34Never had the world felt so alive as the moment that this occurred
00:32:40Could this be the change of pace for which I'd hope?
00:32:44Bless this cute confused little creature in the comfortable coat!
00:32:51Oh my god, there's a monkey in the Ikea?!
00:33:02Sorry, there's a snow macaw
00:33:05Wait, you can understand me?!
00:33:06Then I can understand you!
00:33:08Wow, that's so narratively convenient
00:33:10Um, I really do have to get back to work though
00:33:12There's just all these boxes
00:33:14What?
00:33:15You wanna be my friend?
00:33:17That's ridiculous little guy
00:33:18A monkey and a person can't be friends
00:33:20We're just too diff-
00:33:21I mean we're just-
00:33:22I mean-
00:33:23Could we be friends?
00:33:27I mean, I'm a human
00:33:29And he is a simian
00:33:31He seems stylish and pretty cool
00:33:33If he's into me I guess I can be into him
00:33:36Not quite sure how he got here
00:33:39Is he all alone?
00:33:40That is still not clear
00:33:42But it could make my life better
00:33:44If I think of all the things we could do together
00:33:46Like ride a roller coaster
00:33:48Go to the mall
00:33:49Eat a bunch of ice cream
00:33:50Do prank calls
00:33:51Stay up late discussing our ambitions
00:33:54Mend the ears of racist politicians
00:33:57Maybe go to a ball game
00:33:58Give each other tight hugs
00:33:59Co-direct a movie
00:34:00Have an underground fight club
00:34:02Play some Monopoly or watch The Sopranos
00:34:05Get up on a stage and pretend to play piano
00:34:07Do some go-kart racing
00:34:09Singing at the Super Bowl
00:34:10Take a martial arts class
00:34:11Sacrifice a human soul
00:34:13Jump off a bridge
00:34:14Only if everybody's doing it
00:34:15Build a house of cards
00:34:17And then go on to ruin it
00:34:18Get a bunch of firelocks
00:34:19Put them in the fireplace
00:34:20Start a huge fire now
00:34:22We've gotta get the house replaced
00:34:23Do a bunch of edibles
00:34:24And wear matching orange
00:34:26Discuss how we feel
00:34:27About the work of Jennifer Lawrence
00:34:29She's not-
00:34:30No she's not overrated
00:34:31No she's a very good actor
00:34:32No
00:34:33You can't-
00:34:34Okay so you're saying you can't name one Jennifer Lawrence movie like?
00:34:36You can't name one?
00:34:37I think if you-
00:34:38No I think you can-
00:34:39No you can name-
00:34:40Don't talk over me
00:34:41I'm saying just name one
00:34:42Name one Jennifer-
00:34:43Don't talk over me
00:34:44I'm asking you a question
00:34:45See this is why we don't fucking hang out
00:34:46Cause you always talk-
00:34:47You don't respect me
00:34:48You don't ever fucking respect me dude
00:34:49We could call my mom up on the phone
00:34:51And help her set up her remote
00:34:54Just me and this cute little critter
00:34:56In the comfortable-
00:34:58Hey!
00:34:59Hey!
00:35:00What?
00:35:01Fuck!
00:35:02Fuck! Shit!
00:35:03Okay I need you to hide
00:35:04I need you to hide
00:35:05Go hide over there
00:35:06In that wardrobe alright?
00:35:07It's called a big stud
00:35:08It's very spacious
00:35:09Hide!
00:35:10Can you say about this?
00:35:11I know it's affordable!
00:35:12Shut the fuck up!
00:35:13Hey how's it going?
00:35:14Um
00:35:15Hey
00:35:17How's it going?
00:35:19Hey, hi
00:35:20How's it going?
00:35:21Out of breath from going downstairs?
00:35:26We're with the Canadian animal control
00:35:30And uh first things first
00:35:32How's it going?
00:35:34This voice is Canadian you're doing?
00:35:36Yeah we're Canadian!
00:35:37Oh this voice that would zoom in?
00:35:39This voice that would zoom in?
00:35:41This is Canadian?
00:35:42Oh
00:35:43This is Canadian
00:35:44That's how you sound!
00:35:47Yeah yeah this is how you sound!
00:35:49Oh what is your voice?
00:35:50I-
00:35:51I'm doing the robot too?
00:35:53Yeah!
00:35:54Yeah!
00:35:55Okay uh
00:35:56Second thing second
00:35:57You seen a tiny little monkey
00:35:59In a fur coat around here?
00:36:00Yeah yeah yeah
00:36:01The last time we saw him
00:36:02He was like in the ectorp section
00:36:06Let me think a tiny-
00:36:07You said a tiny monkey in a fur coat?
00:36:08Hmm
00:36:09You would think if you saw a tiny monkey in an Ikea
00:36:12It would be memorable
00:36:13And you wouldn't have to try so hard to remember it
00:36:16So I'm gonna say no
00:36:18Yeah no you're right
00:36:19I'm sorry I haven't seen him
00:36:20But if you had a photo I could-
00:36:21Wait a minute!
00:36:22We never said nothings about him being a boy
00:36:25Yeah my brother here is onto something
00:36:31You're-
00:36:33Sorry your brother?
00:36:34Yeah what's so weird about that?
00:36:36I'm two minutes older
00:36:37And we're not twins!
00:36:38And we're not twins!
00:36:39You're two minutes older and you're not twins?
00:36:41Not twins!
00:36:42What do you mean?
00:36:43Okay
00:36:44You got a dead body Danny?
00:36:45It's a robot
00:36:46Okay
00:36:47Okay so robot
00:36:48I think I misspoke
00:36:51I think I just assumed all monkeys were boys
00:36:54Which I-
00:36:55That sounds sexist now that I-
00:36:56Oh no no!
00:36:57That's right!
00:36:58Monkeys are boys and bears are girls!
00:37:01They're girls!
00:37:06Okay uh
00:37:07When you find the little guy
00:37:08Are you gonna take him to a zoo or a field?
00:37:10Like what do you do with a-
00:37:11Oh no!
00:37:12No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
00:37:21What is the-
00:37:22What do you-
00:37:23What does that mean?
00:37:24We're gonna kill him!
00:37:26What?
00:37:27Yeah!
00:37:28Our boss at the Canadian Animal Control said
00:37:30We get one kill a month!
00:37:33And this month
00:37:34We're using that kill on the monkeys!
00:37:38Moira!
00:37:39Moira!
00:37:40Moira!
00:37:41Moira!
00:37:42Moira!
00:37:43Let's go!
00:37:44Let's go!
00:37:45Oh my god this is so fun!
00:37:48Hey how's it going over here?
00:37:50Okay
00:37:51Okay little guy you come out of here
00:37:52Did you-
00:37:53Fuck that was crazy!
00:37:54Did you hear any of that?
00:37:55It was insane what they just said
00:37:56What?
00:37:57You missed it?
00:37:58All of it?
00:37:59Sh-
00:38:00Okay uh-
00:38:01Alright I'll give you a quick recap
00:38:02No you know what?
00:38:03I'm gonna give you a quick re-rap
00:38:09So I'm at the Ikea
00:38:10I'm doing my job
00:38:11I'm talking-
00:38:12Hey did you hear that?
00:38:13Yeah sounds like someone's doing a Lin-Manuel Miranda style
00:38:15Swap for a snowmacaque
00:38:17Let's get him!
00:38:18Yeah!
00:38:19Alright I fucked up
00:38:20I need you to get back in that wardrobe real quick
00:38:21Uh I think that maybe you need to hide for a little bit longer
00:38:24No just get back in the-
00:38:26No just you can hide-
00:38:27No just hide in the wardrobe
00:38:29I don't understand why-
00:38:31No-
00:38:32No wait no I don't-
00:38:33No no no no
00:38:34No
00:38:35No that is not-
00:38:36No
00:38:37Ple-
00:38:38Please
00:38:39Please don't say-
00:38:40Oh!
00:38:57Didn't even try the meatballs
00:39:10That makes perfect sense
00:39:13Just like your song explained
00:39:16The only way for me to get out of this
00:39:17With you getting out of it too
00:39:19Is to stay and work at Ikea
00:39:21Forever
00:39:22Another day
00:39:23My job at Ikea
00:39:25Started off normal but now
00:39:27Mamma Mia
00:39:29Thought that I had made a buddy but I
00:39:31Have to let him go
00:39:35I spent a decade working for this Swedish giant
00:39:37In that time he's been our sweetest client
00:39:41I'm not ready to say goodbye yet
00:39:43But it's time to get him home
00:39:47Never get to wear this two person sweater
00:39:50Never cry as we watch interstellar
00:39:54I thought we'd join the red hot chili peppers
00:39:57Now I guess that we won't
00:40:00I say that absence makes the heart grow fonder
00:40:03I'll hold on to that pain in his honor
00:40:05He can't be in Ikea much longer but
00:40:10I just hope he knows
00:40:11Sing along y'all
00:40:12He's the tiny
00:40:14Japanese snow macaque
00:40:16In a jacket
00:40:17Made of fur
00:40:18Okay, you don't know it?
00:40:20Changed my life
00:40:21In just one instance
00:40:23He improved my entire existence
00:40:26No matter the time
00:40:27No matter the distance
00:40:28I'll remember what we were
00:40:30And the feelings in me that this love evoked
00:40:38One day we'll meet again
00:40:41Guess I'll say farewell until then
00:40:44Goodbye my cute little friend
00:40:47Friend
00:40:49Friend
00:40:51In the comfortable
00:40:53Cooalt
00:40:58You need to promise to never forget me
00:41:02Because I know I'm never going to forget you
00:41:04Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
00:41:07What's that?
00:41:11Silver, 9-inch purple.
00:41:15She's really good in that one.
00:41:20Give it up for Darwin, everybody.
00:41:26After you've immortalized a historical icon.
00:41:28Hey, Demi, yeah, it's happening again.
00:41:31I feel like we just had this conversation.
00:41:33You can just hang up on whoever's calling.
00:41:34And I was going to hang up,
00:41:35but the number calling is labeled
00:41:37Me Crushy Cry Laugh Face.
00:41:39Does that ring a bell?
00:41:41Yeah, that's her.
00:41:45Okay, we're going to have time for one call.
00:41:47Go ahead and patch her through.
00:41:54Hi, Demi, it's me, Lauren Simpson.
00:42:05What's up, Marge?
00:42:14Nothing much.
00:42:15Sorry I'm running late to your show.
00:42:17I had to stop by my friend Wallace Shawn's party.
00:42:20I had to see Swizz Beatz and Roger Deacon
00:42:23sing Highlands in the Stream together.
00:42:25No, you can't miss that.
00:42:26But I do feel like,
00:42:29I didn't tell you everything about the show.
00:42:30I wanted it to be a surprise,
00:42:31but I'm doing a backflip at the end of the show.
00:42:34I remember you saying a little something
00:42:35about how you liked...
00:42:36You're going to do a backflip on the stage?
00:42:39Wow, that's so cool.
00:42:42Backflips make me unreasonably horny.
00:42:45If I saw somebody do a backflip
00:42:47during a comedy show,
00:42:48I would leave my husband of 35 years,
00:42:51Homer Simpson,
00:42:52and marry them immediately.
00:42:54You're always saying that.
00:42:56But I haven't done it yet,
00:42:58so I don't know how far Wallace Shawn lives,
00:43:01but if you were to speed up,
00:43:02I bet you could get here in time
00:43:03to see it at the end.
00:43:04I'm on my way now.
00:43:05Don't do the backflip until I get there.
00:43:08When I see a backflip,
00:43:09all my sexual restraint goes out the window.
00:43:13It makes me feral.
00:43:15It wouldn't even matter
00:43:16if I'd seen the backflipper
00:43:17pee their pants five years prior.
00:43:19Then why bring it up?
00:43:20Call ended.
00:43:28I got a feeling.
00:43:31We can't clear that.
00:43:33Don't do that.
00:43:35Okay, so the next thing you're going to want to do
00:43:37to impress your crush is...
00:43:39I need to calm down.
00:43:41You're going to want to show some pee.
00:43:45Not, no, not...
00:43:46What I mean by that is problem solving.
00:43:48You want to show your crush
00:43:51that you can handle anything, all right?
00:43:52No matter how big a problem it is,
00:43:53no matter how small it is.
00:43:54And I was like,
00:43:55well, I got to show Marge,
00:43:56and I'm a big dog.
00:43:56I can tackle tough stuff.
00:43:58And I figured the only way
00:43:59that I can do that
00:43:59is solve something
00:44:00no one has ever solved before.
00:44:01So I set out to solve
00:44:02the biggest problem
00:44:03that's ever plagued me.
00:44:04Probably plagued a lot of people
00:44:04in this room.
00:44:05Tonight,
00:44:06we're finally getting rid
00:44:07of the problem known as...
00:44:09Racism.
00:44:26Now, I know some of you
00:44:26might be a fan of this thing,
00:44:27but we're saying goodbye
00:44:28to it tonight, all right?
00:44:29Get this shit out of here.
00:44:31We're saying farewell to racism, all right?
00:44:33Let's blow this shit up, all right?
00:44:34Grenade, pin, throwin' it, kaboom!
00:44:37I forgot we changed it to a gun, all right?
00:44:42All right,
00:44:43we're gonna say goodbye
00:44:44to racism forever.
00:44:47And hello,
00:44:47something I call
00:44:48Racism 2!
00:44:53Tonight,
00:44:54before you're very of eyes,
00:44:56I'm gonna innovate hate.
00:44:57Because I've been working
00:44:58with some of the brightest minds
00:44:59in Silicon Valley
00:45:00to create something
00:45:01you're gonna love.
00:45:02This
00:45:03is Racism 2, everybody.
00:45:08I know exactly
00:45:09what you're thinking.
00:45:10Demi,
00:45:11what on God's green earth
00:45:12is Racism 2?
00:45:13Let me tell you, all right?
00:45:14Racism 2 is
00:45:15brand new
00:45:16stereotypes.
00:45:18Out with the old,
00:45:19in with the new.
00:45:20That's how you fix
00:45:21a broken system.
00:45:23I sense a lot of tension
00:45:25in the room.
00:45:25I think,
00:45:27look, I understand
00:45:28it's hard to let go
00:45:29of something you love,
00:45:30but we're all gonna,
00:45:31together,
00:45:32just wish it away, all right?
00:45:33I want you to keep
00:45:34your eyes open,
00:45:35your souls open,
00:45:35your hearts open,
00:45:36and your minds open
00:45:37when I introduce
00:45:37some of these stereotypes,
00:45:38all right?
00:45:38Let's start with a brand new one
00:45:39that I've invented
00:45:40about Latino women.
00:45:42Latino women
00:45:48are six foot two.
00:45:53No taller,
00:45:54no shorter.
00:45:57Every single one of them.
00:45:59Let's test this out,
00:46:00all right?
00:46:01All right there,
00:46:01what's your name?
00:46:02Allison.
00:46:03Allison, do me a favor.
00:46:04Can you tell me
00:46:05how tall you believe
00:46:05Jennifer Lopez is?
00:46:08Five foot seven.
00:46:10Five foot seven?
00:46:10Let's get a check on that.
00:46:11Ooh, six two.
00:46:15Hi there,
00:46:16what's your name?
00:46:17Danielle.
00:46:18Danielle, do me a favor.
00:46:19Can you tell me
00:46:19how tall you believe
00:46:20Shakira is?
00:46:23Five nine.
00:46:24Five nine.
00:46:25Let's get a check on that.
00:46:26Shakira is...
00:46:27Ooh, six two.
00:46:29Sorry.
00:46:30Hi there,
00:46:30what's your name?
00:46:31Jason.
00:46:32Jason, do me a favor.
00:46:33Can you tell me
00:46:33how tall you believe
00:46:34Anita Wandez is?
00:46:37I guess about six two.
00:46:39Gotta be six two, right?
00:46:40Right?
00:46:42Probably would be
00:46:43if Anita Wandez
00:46:43was a real person.
00:46:56Anita Wandez
00:46:57is not a real person,
00:46:58everyone.
00:46:59Anita Wandez
00:46:59is not even a real name.
00:47:01Anita Wandez
00:47:01is a lyric
00:47:02that I misheard
00:47:02from this Drake song.
00:47:17I just want to confirm
00:47:18real quick,
00:47:18we don't have to pay
00:47:19every time we use
00:47:20that song, right?
00:47:21Okay, great.
00:47:22I need a one.
00:47:25All right,
00:47:26I want to move on
00:47:26to talking about
00:47:27a real Latina woman.
00:47:29Hi there,
00:47:29what's your name?
00:47:30Jenna.
00:47:31Jenna,
00:47:31can you do me a favor?
00:47:32Tell me how tall
00:47:32you believe
00:47:33Ariana Grande is.
00:47:38What'd you say?
00:47:41Ariana Grande?
00:47:43Is she not Latina?
00:47:47What's the thing
00:47:48everyone knows?
00:47:48We're certain?
00:48:03She's not Latina?
00:48:04Correct.
00:48:11Pinky Arianna Grande
00:48:12is Latina.
00:48:14It's racism 1.0.
00:48:16We don't do that anymore,
00:48:17okay?
00:48:18It's a mistake
00:48:18you can make,
00:48:19I don't know,
00:48:19maybe like the very first
00:48:20time you did this show.
00:48:26But you figure it out
00:48:27and the audience
00:48:28yells at you a lot
00:48:29and you move on,
00:48:30okay?
00:48:32Who said,
00:48:32she's Italian,
00:48:33someone said?
00:48:35You're sure?
00:48:37Great.
00:48:37Brings me to a stereotype
00:48:38about Italian women.
00:48:44Italian women.
00:48:46Six foot three.
00:48:47No taller,
00:48:49no shorter.
00:48:51Every single one of them.
00:48:53Let's test this theory out,
00:48:54all right?
00:48:54Hi there,
00:48:55what's your name?
00:48:56MG.
00:48:57MG, do me a favor.
00:48:58Can you tell me how tall
00:48:58you believe
00:48:59Lady Gaga is?
00:49:01But before you answer,
00:49:01I'd like to point out
00:49:02she was famously in a documentary
00:49:03about her own life
00:49:04and it is called
00:49:05Five Foot Two.
00:49:07But I'll also point out
00:49:08that she's famously
00:49:09Italiano.
00:49:116'3".
00:49:14Wow,
00:49:15that can't be true.
00:49:16Did we see right there?
00:49:17Wait a minute.
00:49:18Refresh the page,
00:49:18Allison.
00:49:20Oh!
00:49:22Egg on my face.
00:49:23Time to examine my biases.
00:49:24Hi there,
00:49:25what's your name?
00:49:25My name is Mace.
00:49:26Mace,
00:49:27do me a favor.
00:49:27Can you tell me how tall
00:49:28you believe?
00:49:29Ask the demodels.
00:49:30Now before I answer,
00:49:31I'll point out
00:49:31that in her mug shot,
00:49:32she's shown to be
00:49:33just a smidge
00:49:33over four feet tall.
00:49:35But I'll also point out
00:49:36that she's famously
00:49:37Italiano.
00:49:40I'm gonna go out
00:49:40on a limb here
00:49:40and say 6'3".
00:49:42Gotta be 6'3", right?
00:49:44Probably would be 6'3
00:49:45if Aston Demodels
00:49:46was a real person.
00:49:56Aston Demodels
00:49:57is not a real person.
00:49:58Aston Demodels
00:49:59is not even a real name.
00:50:00Aston Demodels
00:50:00is a lyric that I misheard
00:50:02from this Kanye song.
00:50:03Aston Demodels
00:50:04and I'm confirming,
00:50:12no paper usage, right?
00:50:14I need a one that...
00:50:16All right.
00:50:18Let's leave our
00:50:19Italian ex-queens alone.
00:50:20I'd like to move on
00:50:21to a new stereotype
00:50:21that I've invented
00:50:22about black women.
00:50:25Yeah, it's always
00:50:25when the room
00:50:26gets very quiet.
00:50:28Black women
00:50:29love the 2001 film
00:50:31Rush Hour 2
00:50:31but don't care much
00:50:32for the original
00:50:32or its sequel.
00:50:34Weirdly specific, right?
00:50:37Feels like something
00:50:38I've got to prove
00:50:38and I understand that.
00:50:39So what I did
00:50:39to set out to prove this
00:50:40is I reached out
00:50:41to my brother,
00:50:42black woman,
00:50:43and I asked her,
00:50:44Mom, do you like
00:50:44the Rush Hour movies?
00:50:45and she said,
00:50:47oh yes, I love them.
00:50:48You know Chris Tucker
00:50:49is my favorite actor.
00:50:51I don't think I ever
00:50:51saw the third one though.
00:50:52Lol.
00:50:54Did you call the
00:50:54passport office
00:50:55by getting your passport
00:50:55mailed to you?
00:50:57Now, of course,
00:50:57I had to respond
00:50:58to figure out
00:50:58very specifically
00:50:59if she likes them so much,
00:51:01why didn't she see
00:51:02the third one?
00:51:03Just forgot about it.
00:51:05Didn't even care.
00:51:07Did you call the
00:51:07passport office
00:51:08by getting your passport
00:51:08mailed to you?
00:51:10Now, I wanted to
00:51:10confirm this one
00:51:11so I reached out
00:51:11to a second black woman,
00:51:12my sister,
00:51:13and I asked her,
00:51:14Timmy, do you like
00:51:15the Rush Hour movies?
00:51:16Pause real quick.
00:51:17Yeah, her name is Timmy.
00:51:18My name is Demi.
00:51:20They rhyme
00:51:20and I've had 32 years
00:51:22to get used to it.
00:51:22You're gonna get 10 seconds.
00:51:23All right.
00:51:24She responds,
00:51:26I know Mom likes them
00:51:26but I only ever saw
00:51:28the second one.
00:51:31Mom wants me to remind you
00:51:31to call the passport office
00:51:32about your passport.
00:51:34Now, again,
00:51:35I had to ask
00:51:35a clarifying question
00:51:36because it's not about
00:51:37seeing it,
00:51:37it's about liking it.
00:51:38So I asked her,
00:51:39did you like
00:51:40the second one?
00:51:41And she said,
00:51:41get this,
00:51:42yeah.
00:51:44I think so.
00:51:47Did you call them
00:51:47about your passport?
00:51:49Brings me to a stereotype
00:51:50about black men.
00:51:52We cannot travel
00:51:52internationally.
00:52:01I'm looking in the crowd
00:52:02and you know what I'm seeing?
00:52:03A lot of white couples.
00:52:04And I think that's great.
00:52:05I think white people
00:52:05deserve to laugh too.
00:52:07But,
00:52:07I also know
00:52:08what you're thinking,
00:52:09all right?
00:52:10Little devil's done it.
00:52:12He solved racism.
00:52:13I love this new stuff.
00:52:15And you know what?
00:52:16I hope we're included
00:52:16this time.
00:52:17Because I'm in a white couple
00:52:18and I want a stereotype.
00:52:19Come on,
00:52:20give me a stereotype.
00:52:20Please,
00:52:20come on,
00:52:21give me a stereotype.
00:52:21Okay,
00:52:22calm down,
00:52:22white couples.
00:52:23Just for tonight,
00:52:24I got one for you,
00:52:24all right?
00:52:25White couples
00:52:26love to stop
00:52:28and hash out
00:52:28minor disagreements
00:52:29right in front of
00:52:29the institute building,
00:52:30effectively blocking
00:52:30a debate
00:52:31for getting into
00:52:31said building.
00:52:31If you're in a white couple,
00:52:38you know this shit's true.
00:52:40It happens anywhere
00:52:41that white people go,
00:52:42you know,
00:52:42Target,
00:52:43Utah.
00:52:45I think it even happens
00:52:46right here
00:52:47at the Colony Theater
00:52:47in Burbank.
00:52:48In fact,
00:52:49it did happen here today,
00:52:50earlier,
00:52:50at the Colony Theater
00:52:51in Burbank.
00:52:53Okay,
00:52:54I'm gonna wrap this up
00:52:55with one last stereotype
00:52:56about
00:52:57Samoan men.
00:53:01Samoan men
00:53:02are afraid of me.
00:53:08Are y'all clapping
00:53:09because you're like,
00:53:09that's true?
00:53:10I don't know
00:53:12why this is the case,
00:53:14but it is true
00:53:14and it makes me sad.
00:53:16And I can prove
00:53:16this one is real.
00:53:17What I did to prove it
00:53:18is I tweeted
00:53:19Dwayne The Rock Johnson
00:53:20seven times
00:53:21across the last
00:53:22couple of years
00:53:23with a simple request
00:53:24that he needs to
00:53:25fight me.
00:53:27Now,
00:53:28The Rock's a pretty big guy.
00:53:29He can take me.
00:53:30But you know how many
00:53:31of these he responded to?
00:53:32Zero.
00:53:34What conclusion can you draw?
00:53:35I'll tell you what I drew.
00:53:36I think The Rock
00:53:37is fucking afraid
00:53:39of the pebble.
00:53:41I think it's
00:53:42goddamn embarrassing,
00:53:43if I'm being honest.
00:53:44But that is racism too.
00:53:46Actually,
00:53:47um,
00:53:48okay,
00:53:48uh,
00:53:49yeah,
00:53:49hi,
00:53:49sorry,
00:53:49what's your name?
00:53:50What's your name?
00:53:51Mark.
00:53:52Okay,
00:53:52I need you to do me a favor.
00:53:53Um,
00:53:54so,
00:53:54we got a lot of investors
00:53:55on this,
00:53:56but we,
00:53:56you know,
00:53:56to make this real,
00:53:57we sort of needed
00:53:58a lot more investors,
00:53:58so I invited a bunch of people
00:53:59from different tech companies
00:54:00tonight.
00:54:00Uh,
00:54:01Netflix,
00:54:01Amazon,
00:54:02Hulu,
00:54:02something I never heard of
00:54:03called Jerkmate,
00:54:04I think.
00:54:05Um,
00:54:05I invited them here
00:54:06because,
00:54:07uh,
00:54:07I was like,
00:54:07well,
00:54:08we need to make this real
00:54:08and everyone's kind of scared
00:54:09because race is so tricky.
00:54:11So if you could help me out,
00:54:12I could really use your support.
00:54:13What I'm going to do
00:54:14is be like,
00:54:15my presentation's done.
00:54:16What do you feel
00:54:16about racism now?
00:54:17And I need you to,
00:54:18just emphatically as you can,
00:54:19be like,
00:54:19well,
00:54:19now,
00:54:20I love racism.
00:54:30Now that my presentation
00:54:31on racism's done,
00:54:31I gotta ask a random person
00:54:33in the audience,
00:54:34uh,
00:54:35I gotta know,
00:54:36what's your name?
00:54:37Mark.
00:54:38Hello, sir.
00:54:38Uh,
00:54:39now that you've heard
00:54:40my presentation,
00:54:41how do you feel about racism?
00:54:43I love racism.
00:54:48Thank you so much
00:54:49everyone give Mark a hand.
00:54:50Yes.
00:54:52Mark,
00:54:53I really appreciate that.
00:54:54And to show my appreciation for you,
00:54:56I want to announce
00:54:57that Mark is now officially
00:54:58the brand new thing
00:54:59the race is on.
00:55:06Remember that famous,
00:55:07remember that famous
00:55:08Mark quote,
00:55:09everybody?
00:55:09Thank you so much
00:55:19for not even hesitating
00:55:20a little to say that.
00:55:23Uh,
00:55:23I do need you to stick around
00:55:24after the show.
00:55:25You have to sign some forms
00:55:26so you can get paid
00:55:26by jerk mate.
00:55:28Now,
00:55:29uh,
00:55:30that's racism too,
00:55:30everyone.
00:55:31I'm really proud
00:55:32of what we created.
00:55:34So,
00:55:34uh,
00:55:35hey,
00:55:35uh,
00:55:36Demi,
00:55:36uh,
00:55:37Marge is here,
00:55:39uh,
00:55:39but we don't have any space
00:55:40to seat her,
00:55:41so right now she's outside
00:55:43watching the live stream
00:55:43of the show.
00:55:44God,
00:55:53she's so fucking hot.
00:55:54Um,
00:55:55okay,
00:55:56cool.
00:55:56In that case,
00:55:57I don't want to waste
00:55:58some more time.
00:55:58I think it's time
00:55:59we get to exclamation mark.
00:56:00It's backflip time.
00:56:02Let's fucking go.
00:56:04Let's do this.
00:56:05Do you guys have like
00:56:06a hold music or something
00:56:07so I can change
00:56:08to something more flippable?
00:56:08Dude,
00:56:09you don't have time.
00:56:10We're so behind already.
00:56:11It's time to wrap it up.
00:56:12I need two minutes.
00:56:12We're not holding
00:56:13the theater first.
00:56:14I'm doing my fine.
00:56:15Jesus.
00:56:35Fine.
00:56:36Jesus.
00:56:36Okay.
00:56:37Uh,
00:56:37there are some rules
00:56:38at the theater
00:56:38about what you can do
00:56:39have here
00:56:40if you're doing a stunt.
00:56:41I went and grabbed
00:56:41this big mat
00:56:42to protect me
00:56:43in case of a dangerous fall.
00:56:45Okay,
00:56:45I did check the rules though
00:56:46and there's nothing
00:56:47in the rule book
00:56:47about where the mat
00:56:48needs to be on the stage.
00:56:49So,
00:56:50now,
00:56:53I want this to be
00:56:54a big show, right?
00:56:54So,
00:56:55in a second,
00:56:55I'm going to ask you guys
00:56:56for a drum roll
00:56:57just before I do the flip.
00:56:58And what I'm going to need
00:56:59in that moment
00:57:00is it's going to be
00:57:00just on your knees.
00:57:01All right,
00:57:01it's going to be very simple
00:57:02and so,
00:57:03Hey,
00:57:04hey,
00:57:05hey,
00:57:06um,
00:57:07it's happening again,
00:57:08man.
00:57:09You're getting a call.
00:57:10You just said
00:57:11we don't have time.
00:57:12Trust me,
00:57:13you're going to want
00:57:13to take this call.
00:57:17What is that?
00:57:19I don't know.
00:57:20Okay,
00:57:20is it,
00:57:21is Marge calling
00:57:21for some reason again?
00:57:22Hello?
00:57:23Hey, Demi,
00:57:24it's me,
00:57:25President Barack Obama.
00:57:26Hello,
00:57:33Mr. President,
00:57:34for some reason.
00:57:36So,
00:57:36I was talking
00:57:37to my good friend,
00:57:38Marge Simpson,
00:57:39and she tells me
00:57:40you're doing this comedy show
00:57:41and that you're going
00:57:42to do a backflip
00:57:43during the comedy show?
00:57:44Yeah,
00:57:44man.
00:57:45So what?
00:57:47I don't get it.
00:57:50What do you mean
00:57:50you don't get it?
00:57:51What?
00:57:52How is that,
00:57:52like,
00:57:53funny?
00:57:56Not supposed to be funny.
00:57:57It's not a joke.
00:57:59Then why are you doing it
00:58:00during a comedy show?
00:58:04Because it's a,
00:58:04I don't,
00:58:05like,
00:58:05it's just a fun thing
00:58:06to do at the end of the,
00:58:07it's just a fun way
00:58:07to cap things.
00:58:08I don't know.
00:58:09Look,
00:58:09Demi,
00:58:10I've seen you perform before.
00:58:12And I think you're
00:58:13a creative guy.
00:58:14But I never get the sense
00:58:15that an audience
00:58:16leaves your show
00:58:17with an idea of
00:58:18who you really are
00:58:19as a person.
00:58:21I think you pack
00:58:22your shows with songs
00:58:23and presentation bits
00:58:25so you get to
00:58:26perform
00:58:26and people get to
00:58:27focus on something
00:58:28other than you.
00:58:30You use comedy
00:58:30as a shield
00:58:31to make people
00:58:32enjoy your presence.
00:58:33And I think
00:58:34you added a cool stunt
00:58:35to take that
00:58:36even further.
00:58:37Even though
00:58:38you can't really
00:58:39do the stunt.
00:58:41Uh,
00:58:41that's not true.
00:58:42I don't know why
00:58:43he would say that.
00:58:44I,
00:58:44I've,
00:58:45I've done it many times.
00:58:46I don't know
00:58:46what he's talking about.
00:58:48Oh,
00:58:48really?
00:58:49Allison,
00:58:50can you play the video
00:58:51from the show
00:58:52that I saw?
00:58:53What show
00:58:55did you,
00:58:55what are you,
00:58:56what are you,
00:58:56what are you,
00:58:57you okay?
00:59:04Again,
00:59:05fine.
00:59:08Okay,
00:59:08well,
00:59:09so I,
00:59:09I have socks on there
00:59:10and I,
00:59:10I think I,
00:59:11I slipped on the mat
00:59:12and I didn't have
00:59:12the right traction
00:59:13but shoes,
00:59:15I'm fine
00:59:15and it happened
00:59:16one time.
00:59:17Crazy Obama
00:59:18was there
00:59:19the one time
00:59:19it happened
00:59:20but I,
00:59:20I'm,
00:59:21it's fine.
00:59:22Just one time?
00:59:34You okay?
00:59:35Okay.
00:59:40Demi,
00:59:41be honest with me.
00:59:42Have you done
00:59:43the flip since then?
00:59:45Yes,
00:59:46I have.
00:59:47And landed it
00:59:48every time?
00:59:52No,
00:59:53I haven't.
00:59:54Then why would you
00:59:55risk hurting yourself
00:59:56in front of a crowd
00:59:57like this?
00:59:58I mean,
00:59:58why are you doing
00:59:59this show?
01:00:01It's not a,
01:00:01it's not a big deal.
01:00:03Like,
01:00:03I just,
01:00:03I'm a performer.
01:00:04This is what people
01:00:05want me to do
01:00:07so I'm doing,
01:00:07it's,
01:00:08like,
01:00:08I'm fine.
01:00:08I got hurt
01:00:09but I'm okay.
01:00:10Like,
01:00:10what else do you
01:00:11want from me?
01:00:11Maybe you need
01:00:13to take some time
01:00:14to figure out
01:00:15who you are
01:00:16when you aren't
01:00:17performing for an audience.
01:00:18That's what Michelle
01:00:19made me do
01:00:20when I stopped
01:00:21being president.
01:00:22She said,
01:00:23you spent eight years
01:00:24on the global stage
01:00:26being somebody
01:00:27for the whole world.
01:00:28You need to step back
01:00:29and figure out
01:00:30how to just be
01:00:31Obama again.
01:00:32Your wife called you
01:00:39Obama?
01:00:42Here's the last thing
01:00:44I'll say.
01:00:45A backflip
01:00:45is dangerous.
01:00:47You could really
01:00:47get hurt
01:00:48but you don't need
01:00:49to do one
01:00:50just to impress
01:00:51anybody.
01:00:52People came
01:00:52to see you.
01:00:54Whatever version
01:00:55of you
01:00:56that you want
01:00:56to give them.
01:00:58So,
01:00:58before you try
01:00:59to do that backflip,
01:01:00maybe think about
01:01:02whether the real
01:01:03stunt you need
01:01:04to do here
01:01:04is an emotional
01:01:06backflip.
01:01:09What does that
01:01:09even mean?
01:01:11I'm not doing that.
01:01:12I don't want to,
01:01:14this is a show
01:01:15that people are
01:01:15wanting to see.
01:01:16I don't want to give
01:01:17them a stupid fake out
01:01:18like that.
01:01:18Sorry.
01:01:19So what?
01:01:20All of this
01:01:21has been stupid
01:01:21fake outs.
01:01:22A fake parody
01:01:23of We Didn't Start
01:01:24the Fire,
01:01:24a fake presentation
01:01:25on jazz,
01:01:26a fake ironic musical,
01:01:28a fake robot
01:01:29to punch you,
01:01:30a fake crush
01:01:30on a fake woman.
01:01:31The entire show
01:01:33has been fake.
01:01:34And when this
01:01:35audience leaves,
01:01:36all they will know
01:01:36of the real
01:01:37Demi Adijawebe
01:01:38is fake subversions.
01:01:41So maybe,
01:01:41just right now,
01:01:42in this moment,
01:01:44say something real.
01:01:49I did this show
01:01:58for the first time
01:01:59in January of 2020.
01:02:02And I'd never done
01:02:02a backflip before,
01:02:03but I came up
01:02:04with the title first
01:02:04because I was like,
01:02:05I think this will
01:02:06draw attention.
01:02:07It'll get people in.
01:02:07People will want
01:02:08to see a stunt
01:02:08and know if I'm
01:02:09going to do it.
01:02:10And I decided
01:02:11that it would be
01:02:12an even bigger stunt
01:02:13if I just didn't
01:02:13practice before
01:02:14and I was just
01:02:14going to do the flip,
01:02:16which was really insane
01:02:18and really dangerous.
01:02:20And I have some friends
01:02:20who were there
01:02:21for that show
01:02:21and saw it
01:02:22and can attest.
01:02:23I went up there.
01:02:25I had not done
01:02:26any prep whatsoever
01:02:27and I just threw
01:02:28myself backwards
01:02:28and I landed it.
01:02:30And it worked
01:02:31and it made for
01:02:32a great show
01:02:33and it was cool
01:02:34and people loved it
01:02:35and COVID hit
01:02:36and I couldn't
01:02:37do the show again
01:02:37and I felt like
01:02:38I got away
01:02:39with something
01:02:39not having to do it again.
01:02:41And then four years later,
01:02:42some friends asked me
01:02:43to do it again.
01:02:44They said it was a good show
01:02:45that you could take it
01:02:46on the road
01:02:46and I jumped at the chance
01:02:47and the very first time
01:02:50I did it
01:02:50is what you see
01:02:51in those videos.
01:02:53I jumped up,
01:02:54I land on my head
01:02:55and I get hurt
01:02:55and that happened
01:02:56three times.
01:02:57What you don't see
01:02:57is a third video
01:02:58where I bruised my rib
01:03:00really badly
01:03:00and hurt my neck
01:03:01and the directors
01:03:02asked me
01:03:03to not do the show
01:03:04that week.
01:03:04and I was
01:03:06I was very upset
01:03:08about that
01:03:09because I
01:03:09I think that
01:03:11in doing this show
01:03:12I've learned
01:03:13that I need this.
01:03:14I need
01:03:15to perform
01:03:16in order to feel sane,
01:03:19in order to feel regular,
01:03:20in order to feel like
01:03:21I am providing
01:03:22something to anybody
01:03:23because it's what
01:03:25I've been doing
01:03:25my entire life.
01:03:27I feel like
01:03:28I grew up
01:03:28as a person
01:03:29who was very small
01:03:30and in spaces
01:03:31where I wasn't
01:03:32like anyone
01:03:32whether it's because
01:03:33I was too black
01:03:34or not black enough
01:03:35or just not masculine enough
01:03:37or just strange
01:03:38in some ways
01:03:38and whenever I made
01:03:39fun of myself
01:03:40or I performed
01:03:41for people
01:03:41I felt like I belonged.
01:03:43I was providing service,
01:03:44I was worthwhile,
01:03:45I had value to people
01:03:46and I made that my life
01:03:48to the point
01:03:49that now I'm a performer
01:03:50and that's just
01:03:50what I do
01:03:51and I got to the point
01:03:53where I would sacrifice
01:03:54everything else
01:03:55including my own well-being
01:03:56just to make people smile
01:03:58and make them happy
01:03:59and that's what
01:03:59this show became.
01:04:02Last night
01:04:03for the first time
01:04:04in ages
01:04:04I watched that video
01:04:06with new eyes
01:04:07and I noticed
01:04:08some things
01:04:08that I genuinely
01:04:09never seen before
01:04:10that when I get up
01:04:12off the floor
01:04:12after that flip
01:04:13the very first thing
01:04:14that I do
01:04:14is I try to make a joke
01:04:16about it being
01:04:17really hard
01:04:18because I don't want
01:04:18anyone in the room
01:04:19to be scared
01:04:19and I just needed
01:04:20everyone to not
01:04:22worry about me
01:04:22because I didn't want
01:04:23anyone to fucking
01:04:24think that I needed
01:04:25consolation anyway
01:04:27because everything I do
01:04:29I'm just people pleasing
01:04:29I just want everyone
01:04:30to feel okay
01:04:31I want everyone
01:04:32to not think of me
01:04:33as a burden
01:04:34and in order to perform
01:04:35I need everyone
01:04:36to be okay with that
01:04:37and to not think of me
01:04:37as something that can be broken
01:04:38I needed to get up
01:04:39on this stage
01:04:39and feel good
01:04:41about providing a service
01:04:42to you guys
01:04:43no matter what
01:04:43and now when I do this show
01:04:45I genuinely do have times
01:04:48where I hurt myself
01:04:49and I just
01:04:49I have to fucking
01:04:50just get over it
01:04:51because that's what
01:04:52makes the show better
01:04:52and I do the flip
01:04:56and I don't always land it
01:04:58but even just trying it
01:05:00I get to be up
01:05:01on stage
01:05:01for 70 minutes
01:05:02and feel validated
01:05:04and look out
01:05:05into an audience
01:05:05of people who care
01:05:06even just for a small
01:05:07amount of time
01:05:08that I am doing
01:05:09something for them
01:05:10and I don't know
01:05:11how to give that up
01:05:12and I think that ultimately
01:05:15I don't know
01:05:16that I want to
01:05:17but I also know
01:05:20that I have to
01:05:21which is a really
01:05:22painful thing
01:05:23I'm sorry
01:05:23I had you on mute
01:05:24why did
01:05:36why would you
01:05:38have muted me
01:05:39right then
01:05:39I was just singing
01:05:41Islands in the Stream
01:05:42with Swizz Beats
01:05:43and Roger Deakins
01:05:44okay
01:05:49well thank you
01:05:50for your time
01:05:52Mr. President
01:05:52no actually
01:05:57I know we're in front
01:05:59of a bunch of people
01:05:59but can I ask you
01:06:00a question
01:06:01go for it
01:06:02I'm all ears
01:06:03it's
01:06:05like you're not
01:06:08present anymore
01:06:08but you're very powerful
01:06:09I don't
01:06:10I don't understand
01:06:11is there a reason
01:06:12you haven't like
01:06:12you haven't like
01:06:14made a statement
01:06:15or anything
01:06:15about like
01:06:16this genocide
01:06:16that's been going on
01:06:17for the call
01:06:17ended
01:06:17can I
01:06:32can I get
01:06:32the house lights
01:06:33up for a second
01:06:33completely serious
01:06:38question
01:06:39with the things
01:06:40I've said
01:06:41with what I've
01:06:41shown you
01:06:42can I see
01:06:44a show of hands
01:06:44if anyone is nervous
01:06:45about me doing
01:06:46this flip right now
01:06:47is there anyone
01:06:57who still wants
01:06:58to see it
01:06:58okay
01:06:59okay
01:07:25all right
01:07:26uh yeah
01:07:27drum roll please
01:07:28what's that
01:07:45I don't want to say the flip I'm going in, I don't, I don't want to do the flip, you
01:08:03have to do the flip, I don't want to do the flip, I don't want to, I don't want to do
01:08:14Did I do it?
01:08:42Yeah!
01:08:44Yes!
01:08:46And you were fucking nervous.
01:08:49Okay.
01:08:50Okay.
01:08:51Oh my God.
01:08:52Oh my God.
01:08:53Roll that beautiful.
01:08:54I want to see that backflip.
01:08:55Roll that footage, baby.
01:08:56Shit.
01:08:57Okay.
01:08:58Okay.
01:08:59I'm not hitting it.
01:09:00I'm not hitting it.
01:09:01I didn't.
01:09:02Okay.
01:09:03Okay.
01:09:04Oh, I feel wet.
01:09:06I want to give a very special shout out.
01:09:08Okay.
01:09:09I want to apologize to the theater manager here,
01:09:11Mrs. Allison Destry.
01:09:13There it is.
01:09:14Yeah.
01:09:15Finally.
01:09:16Finally.
01:09:18No, I'm very sorry that I fucked that up so many times.
01:09:21It's not a hard name.
01:09:22You're right.
01:09:23I mean, in your defense, it's not even a real name.
01:09:26I made it up.
01:09:32What do you mean?
01:09:33What the fuck are you talking about?
01:09:34It's actually just a lyric I misheard in a song performed by Swizz Beatz and Roger Deakins.
01:09:46Miss Jossie Kaufman, everybody.
01:09:48That is truly the end of the show.
01:09:55Really dumb thing, but I'm so lucky and glad that I get to do it.
01:09:59I want to thank everyone that truly helped me put this on.
01:10:01Our dancers, Summer, Anna, Kelsey, Sawyer.
01:10:04I want to thank the voice of PunchBot and the green man, Miss Addie Weirich.
01:10:10I want to shout out our two cops for the night.
01:10:11The only cops I like, Alex Bloom and Leonard Smith, Jr.
01:10:14And I want to shout out our great director.
01:10:16Where's that?
01:10:17Oh, yeah.
01:10:18I want to shout out our director, Ben Meckler.
01:10:20Again, I want to shout out the people at Dropout.
01:10:22And give it up for your face of racism right here.
01:10:52Tell me how did you eBay finally did a backflip.
01:11:22That's crazy!
01:11:40That's crazy!
01:11:48We don't always see eye to eye, but boy, can that monkey drive.
01:11:51Call ended.
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