- 4 hours ago
Changing Ends - Season 3 Episode 1
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00:00More than a telethon.
00:02Everyone mucking in, trying to raise money for the less fortunate
00:06by humiliating yourself in front of your neighbours.
00:10Even celebrities came down from their ivory towers
00:13to show us they were just like us.
00:15Telethons were brilliant, but completely bonkers.
00:19Oh, love, drop this into Mary.
00:20She's knitting a blanket for Africa.
00:23Don't have to be massive.
00:25Mum!
00:26Yes, I'm here.
00:27What took you so long?
00:30Right, here.
00:31What's up?
00:33That's not going to touch the sides.
00:35Alan, I bought every tin they had.
00:37I didn't know you'd need this many.
00:38I need photographic evidence.
00:40No-one is going to care.
00:42You're in a bath of beans.
00:43I'm supposed to be up to me neck.
00:45Poor kids could be eating these.
00:46You'd be better off donating them.
00:48Well, I can't now, can I?
00:49This is disgusting, Alan.
00:52Oh!
00:52Yep.
01:13Both of you.
01:15Down the windows at the same time.
01:16Sign that.
01:18What?
01:20Sign that.
01:21It's for charity, for the telethon.
01:23Geoff Capes is doing a raffle for Anglia TV.
01:26It's going to get spicy.
01:27Here, get Banjo to sign it and all.
01:30Quick, quick.
01:31You ever held a pen before?
01:33That's it.
01:33Good boy.
01:34No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:37No-one wants you on the ball.
01:39Oh, no, they'll want the manager, sure.
01:40No-one cares about the manager, Grey.
01:44Why are you signing it?
01:45I'm just ejecting a bit of personality, aren't I?
01:48Give that to Wingnut when he's off the bogs.
01:50Cheers, Grey.
01:57I'd want you on my ball, Gaff.
02:01Ah, thanks, Alfie.
02:04Oh, Ang, you ain't got a few tins of beans if you were in a right state.
02:09I didn't know things were that bad.
02:11If your cupboards are bare, you can always send the boys to me for a feed.
02:15We'll say nothing of it.
02:16Me casserole is too casserole.
02:18Oh, for God's sake, we're just doing a bath of beans for charity.
02:21Well, we're trying. We're about 20 tins short.
02:22That's why we're here.
02:23Charlie's doing a camp out Saturday.
02:25Yeah.
02:26Nigel's digging a fire pit as we speak.
02:28Careful you don't fall in.
02:29Just whatever you can afford.
02:31Charlie's raised £78 so far.
02:33Yeah, 30 quid, that's from you.
02:34He's having a camp out.
02:36Load of mates coming round for the telethon.
02:38Oh, which mates?
02:39Michael Godgen.
02:40Bradley.
02:41Who else?
02:43Jake.
02:44Jake!
02:45Maybe Alan could camp out instead of the beans.
02:48Oh, well, that's very...
02:49You'd like that, wouldn't you, with the boys?
02:51Oh, no, not with Charlie.
02:54He's done enough for charity already.
02:56No, no, I meant maybe Graeme could put a tent up in your garden.
02:59If he's got time.
03:01Of course he has.
03:02Yeah, we might do that.
03:03No, no, no, no, we will not.
03:06I'm watching the telephone.
03:07Oh, and Kay's staying over.
03:09Pristine.
03:10I'd never let Charlie have a girl stay over.
03:12That flies round muck.
03:14Well, Alan and Kay are very sensible.
03:16Well, I suppose it's easier to trust them when they look like that.
03:18Alan respects girls, Ange.
03:19They learn from their fathers, don't they?
03:22Right, come on, Alan.
03:23Let's dig that tent out.
03:24It'll be an adventure.
03:25So, the sleepover.
03:27Sure you don't want me to bring anything?
03:29No, just yourself.
03:31I'll put out some light bites.
03:33And are you sure you're all right sleeping outside?
03:35It's a tent, Alan, not a kennel.
03:45So, I will have to ask me mum, but I'm sure you can.
04:02I'd love to.
04:04Not.
04:05Rather sleep in a bin.
04:07My God.
04:09You did give me a no.
04:11She gave me a no.
04:13Why would I want to hang out with them two?
04:14You literally asked them if you could go, you idiot.
04:16Yeah.
04:17I'm the knob.
04:18They've got eight eyes between them.
04:20Well, they can see you're an idiot then.
04:23Er, settle down, please.
04:27Ignore her.
04:28I always do.
04:30I think it sounds like a laugh, Alan.
04:32I love a light bite.
04:34I'd go.
04:35Er, settle down.
04:36Had all the girls in the class sipped on a love potion?
04:40I was irresistible.
04:42Right.
04:44Er, no.
04:46You forget, don't you, when you haven't done it for a bit.
04:50It'll all come back.
04:51You'll see.
04:52Ah, dib, dib, dab and all that.
04:54Let me read that.
04:55Ah, don't, er...
04:58Don't need that.
04:59My dad could build an 11-man, goal-scoring, league-winning team from scratch.
05:05A two-man tent.
05:07Forget it.
05:07Tom's come to help, and he's bought his Flash 10.
05:17All right.
05:18Yeah, I heard you're over the edge, flapping about.
05:20God, you must think we're incapable.
05:22We?
05:22No, I can, er, I can do it.
05:26I've just been distracted thinking about the game.
05:28Yeah, yeah, look, you do what you need to do.
05:30It's fine.
05:31Right, let's get this up.
05:32Oh, all right.
05:34Right.
05:36Thank you for coming over.
05:39I mean, I can do it.
05:42Er, er...
05:44Yeah.
05:46Bye.
05:48See ya.
05:49Profitant.
05:50Yeah, it is.
05:51Very nice.
05:52It's a palace.
05:53I said to him, make him suffer a bit.
05:56Oh, they will.
05:57It gets freezing in the early hours.
05:58I mean, we really have to snuggle up.
06:03Do you, er...
06:04Do you camp out a lot, then?
06:06Yeah.
06:07Yeah, we do.
06:07It's not always easy booking things, holidays,
06:17when you're...
06:18..when you're a bus.
06:20No.
06:21No.
06:22Look, I didn't like to assume.
06:25Christine, I was blaring
06:27Nana Muscuri White Rose of Athens
06:29at full blast this morning.
06:30The signs were all there.
06:33I think I can get used to this.
06:37I wish we had a telly in here.
06:46Imagine a little telly
06:47that you could carry around with you.
06:49Not everyone's obsessed with telly, Alan.
06:51Oh, but they would be
06:52if they had one of those.
06:53Nothing else would get done.
06:56I wonder how the boys
06:57over the road are doing.
07:02Lucky they got Jake.
07:03He's very outdoorsy, isn't he?
07:05He doesn't even wear a coat
07:06during winter, just his burgundy fleece.
07:11I think he and his brother
07:12did Venture Scouts growing up.
07:14He could probably rub two stones
07:15together to make a fire.
07:16He is very dexterous.
07:19Isn't he?
07:20So dexterous it makes you sick.
07:23Bet you wish it was
07:24even here right now, don't you?
07:26Not really.
07:28Do you?
07:29Alan, your friend's here.
07:31Georgie.
07:33Did you invite Georgie?
07:34No.
07:35I'd like to stroke your back.
07:38I'll have a light bite.
07:42Oh, my God, she fancies me.
07:46Oh, hello.
07:48Just wanted to see how you were
07:49after the other day.
07:50Oh, what happened the other day?
07:51Nothing.
07:52I just felt a bit sick.
07:53Oh.
07:53How lovely of you to check in.
07:58Yeah.
08:00Thanks.
08:02What was Georgie doing here?
08:04I could only fit so many girls
08:05in me tent.
08:08Was there anything else?
08:10Would you like a drink?
08:11No, liquids for me.
08:13I don't want to end up
08:14weeing in the bird bath.
08:15Yes, well, the girls might like one.
08:17Something fizzy.
08:18Oh, yeah, that would be great.
08:19Oh, thanks.
08:19You pop in, love.
08:21Right, out we get.
08:22Come on.
08:29She's made an effort.
08:31She's very little.
08:33Ah.
08:34Come on.
08:34Hair up, hair down, scrunchy off.
08:55Make your mind up, love.
08:56Then it hit me.
08:58She was flirting.
08:59God, is that Lionel Blair
09:01with a moustache?
09:03Watching the whole thing.
09:04Yes.
09:05Lisa Goddard's about to upsell
09:07down the BT Tower.
09:08It's 27 hours of pure magic, Georgie.
09:13Charlie Hudson lives near you, doesn't he?
09:15Yeah, just across the road.
09:17Boys are all camping at his tonight.
09:19Jake and them.
09:20Oh, I know.
09:21We're all at it.
09:22Maz was going to go too,
09:24but Charlie's mum said
09:25can't trust a girl near a sleeping bag.
09:28We should bring in Margaret, a celeb.
09:41Oh, five, three, two, 43, 11, 43.
09:45OK, let's go.
09:49Now we go to Southampton,
09:51TVS, Fern Britton and Fred Dinage.
09:53Hello, folks.
09:53It's ringing.
09:56Alan's great, isn't he?
09:57Yeah, he's great.
09:58He is great, yeah.
10:00They're ringing.
10:02Charlie said they were going to do a Ouija board.
10:04You shouldn't do them outdoors.
10:06The weather throws the results off.
10:07I think they were just mucking about.
10:08You don't muck about with the astral plane.
10:11I'm through!
10:12Oh, no, it's still ringing.
10:13Have you ever done one?
10:14Why are you here?
10:16To see Alan.
10:17You never normally bother with Alan.
10:18Me and my sister did one.
10:20We got this woman.
10:21She'd been murdered by her neighbour.
10:23Hit her over the head with a frying pan.
10:25She spelt out F.
10:28R.
10:29What?
10:29I can spell frying pan, thanks.
10:34She said he's still out there somewhere.
10:36He'll kill again.
10:38Evening, old!
10:40Hurrah!
10:47Welcome back.
10:49Fancy a little nightcap?
10:50Um, yeah.
10:52Yeah, um, just a minute.
10:57Sorry, love.
10:58Nick's here to see you, Dad.
10:59You're going to have to go upstairs.
11:00Oh, really?
11:02Alan's been having a...
11:04pyjama asleep over, I think.
11:06We're giving him a bit of space.
11:07Fair play, mate.
11:10You crack on.
11:12Don Julio.
11:14Naughty dog, isn't he?
11:16Shall we?
11:16Beautiful home.
11:23Lovely to finally meet you, Chrissie.
11:25It's Christine.
11:26Here, do us a favour.
11:28Crack this open for us, will you?
11:29Oh!
11:30Oh!
11:31Hey!
11:32Only joking.
11:35Safe hands than your keeper.
11:36Yeah, Vince.
11:38You should probably learn his name.
11:39Nah, sod that.
11:41Ain't learning all them names.
11:42They won't last.
11:44Oh!
11:46Speaking of which,
11:47you might want to have a sit-down.
11:49I am sitting.
11:50You might want to have a lie-down, then.
11:52Right, I'll get the glasses.
11:53Redhead.
11:57Very nice.
11:59Always been partial to a redhead.
12:01I've settled on a blonde for now,
12:03but I truly believe men should experience
12:05every colour of the rainbow.
12:08Bugger me!
12:09When'd Lionel Blair get a tash?
12:11If you thought it was tense downstairs.
12:19Have you seen Goldspot?
12:22No.
12:27I know what we could do.
12:29You did what?
12:31I sold him.
12:33He's gone.
12:34Out the door.
12:35He wanted to say bye to you,
12:36but I know how emotional you get
12:38about these things, Gray,
12:39and I couldn't put the poor bugger through it.
12:41He's just a kid.
12:42He's 28.
12:43Yeah, whatever.
12:44The point is...
12:4528?
12:46Bloody hell.
12:48He's getting on a bit.
12:49I did you a favour there.
12:50Take him out back and shoot him.
12:52Never mind sell him.
12:53I signed him on his 18th birthday.
12:55It took 10 years,
12:56but he's there now.
12:57He's solid.
12:58Apparently so.
13:00Silly bastard paid 15k for him.
13:03See, but this is what I'm talking about, Gray.
13:05I signed him on his 18th birthday.
13:07You're too attached.
13:08I'm not attached,
13:10but you consult me
13:11before selling my strongest defender.
13:13We discuss these things.
13:14Discuss it?
13:15What for?
13:16You'd say tomato.
13:18I'd say tomato.
13:19But I don't want to call
13:20the whole thing off, Gray,
13:21because we're barely getting started, son.
13:23We need him.
13:25We need cash.
13:26We need lots of cash, Graham.
13:28And fast.
13:30Here we go.
13:32Up the cobblers.
13:40Georgie, there's a toilet up there.
13:43Something told me Georgie
13:45wasn't after a midnight snack.
13:47Our team goes that way.
13:50Your team goes that way.
13:52Norby kick it that way.
13:53Just stop kicking it that way.
13:55Because it's a science.
13:57Sometimes they're in three brains.
13:58They're in our cars.
14:00You shout boo.
14:02The ref away.
14:03A bit of fresh air.
14:09Yeah, I mean,
14:09we could just sit in the garden
14:11for a little bit.
14:12Who lives there?
14:13Well,
14:14I love Tom
14:15and Jess sometimes, I think.
14:17Two blokes?
14:18What, are they brothers?
14:19No, they're not brothers.
14:20They're
14:20friends.
14:24Sounds well gay.
14:26Gayer.
14:33This is tedious.
14:34We just sat watching a woman
14:36put a harness on for ten minutes.
14:37That woman is one of the
14:38great comic minds of our time.
14:40Have you seen Give Us A Clube?
14:41Egg it.
14:42Go on.
14:42Egg the door.
14:43You egg it.
14:44That's not how it works.
14:45I don't do.
14:46How about
14:46no one eggs the door?
14:48Watch this.
14:52See?
14:53Easy.
14:54What's the problem?
14:55You mates
14:56with these benders
14:56or something.
15:04Good shot.
15:05God, there's so much
15:06egg in an egg.
15:07Which one's Charlie's house?
15:08The one on the corner.
15:10Be back in a minute.
15:12She's not coming back, is she?
15:20No.
15:21Let's go back in.
15:22We don't want to miss Des O'Connor.
15:23Uh-huh.
15:24How capin' a hana?
15:26Say hello to Jake.
15:27Georgie.
15:41Georgie.
15:41Georgie.
15:41Are you in there?
15:43Get in.
15:45Hey, hi.
15:47Hello.
15:48Jake.
15:49Good timing.
15:51Drink?
15:53Yeah, go on then.
15:55I'd watched enough
15:57Jilly Gordon
15:58on food and drink
15:59to know which face
16:00to pull neck in spirits.
16:02Limit your reaction
16:03to just one eyelid.
16:05A manly sigh at the end.
16:07Do not cough.
16:08Oh.
16:12Oh, that's on your chest, that.
16:13We're playing Never Have I Ever.
16:15Oh, God.
16:16Let's do something else, eh?
16:17No.
16:18Georgie's turn.
16:19Go on.
16:20Hmm.
16:21Never have I ever
16:23done fourth base.
16:26I knew what first base was,
16:28but beyond that,
16:29I had no idea.
16:31First base, fourth base.
16:32How many bases
16:33does a woman have?
16:35I'm sure Alan
16:35can help you, Georgie.
16:36Don't worry, Al.
16:38It's just a game, innit?
16:39Yeah, well, you'll know
16:40who you've got your eye on.
16:41Oh, shut it, Bradley.
16:42Leave Alan alone.
16:44I'm bored of this now.
16:45Come on.
16:48How's your tent?
16:50It was something
16:50quite liberating.
16:52I'd love to live
16:53in a tent, me.
16:54Waking up to that zip
16:55coming down every morning.
16:56It would make me smile.
16:58That sounds good to me.
16:59Never change, Alan.
17:01Hello, happy campers.
17:02I'm going to hide
17:03a few pepperamis
17:04around the garden.
17:05Couple of Twixies.
17:07You can sniff them out
17:08like little badgers.
17:09We've got stuff in here.
17:10Yeah, but you want
17:11the full wilderness
17:12experience, don't you?
17:14Can you just get lost, Mum?
17:15Ooh.
17:16Someone's getting
17:17the grumpy ones.
17:18All right, my angel.
17:19Ooh.
17:20Little clue for you.
17:23Flowerpot.
17:23That's all I'm saying.
17:26Thanks, Ange.
17:38Kay?
17:40Hey, Pete.
17:42Come on, Chris.
17:48Sorry, Nige.
17:49You Christie's, mate?
17:50I'm in Charlie's class.
17:53Oh, the little elderly girl.
17:56Right.
17:57Out you get.
17:58Oh, excuse me.
17:59You've got a couple
17:59of stowaways.
18:01Alan, you've left
18:02poor Kay on her own.
18:03Out.
18:04Alan, he's not in there.
18:05I mean,
18:05he might not be.
18:09Christine,
18:10you were having
18:10some sort of episode.
18:12Georgie came round
18:12to see Alan,
18:13but obviously got
18:14other ideas
18:14when she heard
18:14there was a tent
18:15full of boys
18:15across the road.
18:16Excuse me.
18:17Nigel, do something.
18:19Christine,
18:20come on, sweetheart.
18:21Don't.
18:22Oh, hi, Mum.
18:23What's that?
18:24Give me that.
18:25Right, all of you,
18:26out.
18:27Now.
18:27Come on.
18:30Bradley, mind the twigs.
18:33Out.
18:37Oh, come on.
18:38Georgie,
18:39I can see your top
18:39not poking
18:40through the sleeping bag.
18:44They've been drinking.
18:45It weren't me.
18:46Yeah, you only
18:47gave us a fag.
18:47Oh, Bradley,
18:48stop talking.
18:49It was me.
18:50I brought it.
18:51Sorry.
18:52I can't believe this.
18:53You have no idea
18:54what's going on
18:54in your back garden.
18:55You've got kids
18:56in a...
18:57Did Alan put you
19:01up to this,
19:02my darling?
19:02Of course he didn't.
19:03Because I know
19:04he was gagging
19:04to get in that tent.
19:06Right, Alan,
19:06we're off.
19:07And you, Georgie.
19:08Get your stuff from ours.
19:11I thought you said
19:12you could trust him.
19:13You don't even know
19:14what's going on
19:14in your own back garden.
19:15State of it.
19:21Christine,
19:22don't you walk
19:23away from me.
19:25Christine,
19:25I know you can hear me.
19:27You've got a bloody cheek.
19:28At least I'm not
19:28losing other people's children.
19:30That's the first friend
19:30he's had round
19:31and she's a rat
19:31out the cage.
19:32Oh, yeah.
19:33You love to show off
19:34about your Charlie's mates
19:35because you haven't
19:36got any of your own.
19:37I'll remember that
19:37next time you come
19:38begging for food.
19:39Whoa.
19:40Begging?
19:40To your...
19:41Calm down a bit.
19:41No, no, no, no.
19:42You crack on, girls.
19:43This is lovely stuff.
19:45They always like this.
19:46Yes.
19:47No.
19:47No, yeah, yeah.
19:48Once I get going,
19:49they're like wildcats,
19:50though.
19:50No biting, please, girls.
19:52No, I won't keep quiet.
19:54I'm fed up of it.
19:55We need to find out...
19:55Boys?
19:56Is everything all right?
19:59Someone's thrown eggs
20:00at our front door.
20:01We just sat down
20:02to watch the Golden Girls
20:03and then...
20:04God, that's awful.
20:05I'm so sorry.
20:07Oh, do you reckon
20:08it was kids?
20:09Well, either that
20:09or a chicken fired
20:10when out mid-flight.
20:11Jez, it's not funny.
20:13You know, we had a lot
20:13of this sort of thing
20:14in the old place.
20:14Yeah.
20:15Just can't seem
20:16to leave us alone.
20:17Oh, my God, are you...
20:19dead?
20:20What?
20:21No, no, no.
20:23I was talking to you
20:24about carburettors earlier.
20:26He said he supported
20:26Dagger and Rovers.
20:27Oh, I'm sorry, Nigel.
20:29Which team should
20:30have put support?
20:31Arsenal?
20:32No!
20:33No!
20:34What?
20:35You've...
20:36You've done this on purpose.
20:37You've...
20:37You've been leading me on.
20:40Sorry, Nigel.
20:41You're really not a type
20:42at all.
20:43My God, it's spreading
20:45up the street.
20:45First your house,
20:46now theirs.
20:47I'm going to wake up
20:47like Nabaretto Lova.
20:48Right, can't we just stop?
20:50Please.
20:51I'll do it.
20:51I'll clean it up.
20:52It's...
20:52It's fine.
20:53It's nearly done anyway now,
20:54so thank you.
20:55Well, look,
20:56come in for a cuppa.
20:57I insist.
20:58As long as you're sure.
20:59Ah, yeah, yeah.
21:01You're Christine's friend
21:02and, you know,
21:03you both of you can...
21:04With the both of...
21:05I'm going to put the kettle on.
21:07Come on.
21:08Why are you being rude?
21:09Well, we will not be coming.
21:11Good.
21:12You weren't invited.
21:15Oh, I am stunned.
21:16What is a welcome?
21:17How is it now?
21:18I'm going to excuse you.
21:19I'll go anyway.
21:22No.
21:23Thank you very much.
21:23Poor Joe.
21:32Yeah.
21:33Look.
21:34There was me thinking
21:35sitting in a bar full of cold-baked beans
21:38was humiliating,
21:39but seeing him
21:40putting his arm round her
21:41and walking off,
21:43well,
21:43me toes curled
21:44and me stomach churned.
21:50There's plenty more fish
21:52in the sea, love.
21:53No, no, there aren't.
21:55That was my fish
21:56and they were...
21:57Oh, love.
21:59They were holding hands.
22:04I really thought
22:05that I had a chance.
22:06She just wasn't
22:08the one, darling.
22:14Good night, Chrissie.
22:18I wasn't talking
22:19about Georgie.
22:22I know.
22:24I've known for ages.
22:28Good night, Adam.
22:29I tell my blues
22:33they mustn't show
22:36But soon these tears
22:38are bound to flow
22:40Cause it's raining
22:42Raining in my heart
22:47Raining in my heart
22:52In my heart
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