- 4 hours ago
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00:00The sun was out, the cobblers were riding high, nothing was going to spoil her day.
00:05Judith!
00:09Nothing.
00:12Hi, Jill!
00:15Nothing.
00:16Morning. Anything for me?
00:18Oh, sod off.
00:19Okay, maybe that would.
00:30Dan?
00:42Hi.
00:43Did the cobblers lose on Saturday?
00:45Oh, it'd be Cardiff City 3-2.
00:47You were there.
00:48Ref gave us a penalty last minute.
00:50Oh, bless him.
00:52If we won, why am I getting funny looks from everyone?
00:55It's those earmuffs. I've told you not to wear them.
00:58I don't. The muffs fell off. It's more of an Alice band now.
01:03I swear the lollipop lady gave me evils.
01:07Ask public enemy number one.
01:09Oh.
01:11I just spoke to the cron about being a football manager's wife.
01:14Your dad thinks I said too much.
01:16Oh.
01:17Okay.
01:18I see a lot of envy in the street and that hurts.
01:22I am a person, you know. Cut me. I bleed.
01:26Well, I do.
01:27A friendly way from me brightens up the most mundane of Mondays for me neighbours.
01:34What were you thinking, Mum?
01:36I didn't say that.
01:37I said Tuesdays. They're twisting my words.
01:39Newspapers don't lie.
01:42And when it comes to me sons, me Ellen's a slave to the prune jewels.
01:45He gets very banged up.
01:47One little comment.
01:48Why are you bringing up me constipation in a froth piece?
01:51It's a good job Ellen and Gary don't want to be footballers.
01:53Their wives happen to put up with this every time they open their maths.
01:57My mum was right. I couldn't follow in me dad's footsteps for my wife's sake.
02:09But I was on a different path and in a matter of moments I'd know exactly what path that was.
02:14I could do that too.
02:15I could do that.
02:20Jake, what'd you get?
02:21Architect.
02:22Oh, nice. Like Tom Selleck and Freeman in a bag.
02:25Oi, oi, bum boy.
02:26You want me off at all?
02:27Mum, stick a prune up my arse.
02:29Oh, please, Mummy, it won't come out.
02:36So this was it.
02:37Next two.
02:38Questionnaire completed and a computer had decided our futures.
02:43The job you'd be doing until the day you died.
02:47Chambermaid?
02:49She wanted a career in the sciences.
02:52Oh, she will be working with chemicals.
02:54Jif, Dementos and Alan.
02:57We all know where this is going,
02:59but will it be comedian, presenter, muse, national treasure?
03:02I can't go to prison.
03:06Would a grammar school pupil get prisoner?
03:08Where is the ambition?
03:09No, Kate. Prison warden.
03:11True. There it was, in black and white.
03:14Prison warden. What a slap in the face.
03:18It's like the hopes and dreams have been put on death row.
03:20You do get a uniform.
03:22I can't wear it at all, grey.
03:24Look at me.
03:25I need a pop of colour.
03:27I know I tick working in dolls and meeting interesting people,
03:31but I meant socialites and celebrities.
03:34Not shoplifters and serial killers.
03:37He deserves a second chance.
03:38I'm afraid the computer doesn't lie.
03:40No, love, don't worry about it.
03:42I'll get something worse.
03:44What's worse than that?
03:46Careers advisor.
03:48Come on, Kate, grab your satchel.
03:50I think we've had quite enough.
03:54Shut the door, please.
03:56PHONE RINGS
04:04I'm crossing the picket line here. Social suicide.
04:07Just checking you're alright.
04:08What with the article.
04:10I know you've had hate mail.
04:12No.
04:13No, I haven't.
04:14It's coming.
04:15Look, I doubt most of them have even read it.
04:17Oh, Christine, there's been a meeting.
04:18I don't want to speak for the whole street,
04:20but the words Lady Muck were used.
04:22Cow.
04:24Silly cow.
04:25Rude cow.
04:26Any more.
04:27Oh, it's all in the minutes.
04:28I did try to defend you.
04:29I said she's not being rude.
04:30She's just a bit fake.
04:32But they got the pitchforks out, I'm afraid.
04:34This is just what happens with success.
04:36People turn on you.
04:38I mean, look at Fergie.
04:41Oh, Christine, that's it.
04:42You've got to do what the royals do.
04:44What, open a supermarket?
04:45No, have a garden party.
04:47They let all the plebs in for the afternoon.
04:49Look at their pot plants.
04:49Then no-one minds that they cozy up to dictators
04:51and marry their cousins.
04:53Well, they're not going to come if they hate me that much,
04:54are they?
04:55Christine, they'd go to Saddam Hussein's house
04:57if he was giving them a free burger.
04:59Right.
05:01You think on it, yeah?
05:04Oh, what's this up, darling?
05:05Molly from 26.
05:06Oh.
05:07Hi, Molly.
05:08Welcome.
05:09Been back, Diane.
05:10Oh, Diane.
05:11Thanks for coming.
05:12Oh.
05:13Oh, you shouldn't have.
05:14Not good enough, eh?
05:15I'll drink it myself.
05:16Gee.
05:17Strong start.
05:18I'll come to something if you know you're going to wait.
05:21I'm not going to watch The Couples every week.
05:23It's true.
05:24Graham!
05:25Do...
05:26It's all right.
05:27Come on, lad.
05:28Come on, lad.
05:29Come on, lad.
05:30Come on.
05:31That is true.
05:32Come on.
05:33I'll come to the事 of the Outland Club.
05:35Come on, lad.
05:36Here you go.
05:37Thanks for coming.
05:39Oh, you shouldn't have.
05:40Not good enough, eh.
05:41I'll drink it myself.
05:43Gee, fine.
05:44You all right?
05:51Look, if you want to invite anyone, you can always use our phone.
05:57Call a friend?
05:59Bradley?
06:01Oh, or Jake. Jake, maybe.
06:04Jake only lives 0.7 miles from here.
06:08Yeah, why don't you call him?
06:11Mum said she'll give me a fiver if I stay for an hour.
06:14Bad.
06:18Right, there you go.
06:20Solid bar.
06:28You all right, mate?
06:31Yeah.
06:33Ah, burger.
06:37Right, over here.
06:40All right, darling.
06:44Good.
06:50Did you...
06:52move my sausages?
06:54No.
06:55All right, lads.
06:56Oh, something smells good.
06:57Oh, I'm Tom.
06:59All right, Tom.
07:00Graham.
07:01Nigel Hudson.
07:02How you doing? You all right?
07:03You after a burger?
07:04Oh, no, no, no, no.
07:05I'm on the job.
07:06Boss will catch me slacking.
07:08Ah, I saw the skip out front.
07:10Best years of my life working on a building site.
07:12Babe magnet, aren't you?
07:13Sitting up there with the legs swinging.
07:15Tell my Ange.
07:16She wolf whistled me.
07:19Right.
07:20And, er, what do you do now?
07:22Insoles.
07:23Yeah, we're number one supplier in the West Midlands area.
07:26Bit demand for insoles, then.
07:28Just a bit, mate.
07:30I mean, look around you.
07:31How many feet are here?
07:32You got, what?
07:3320 old guests?
07:34Two feet each?
07:35That's...
07:40It's a lot of feet.
07:41Yeah.
07:42No, it sure is.
07:44Er, no, what about you, Graham?
07:45What do you do?
07:47Oh, here we go.
07:48Go on in, tell him.
07:50I'm a football manager.
07:52Northampton Town.
07:53Cobblers.
07:54Never.
07:56Really?
07:57Oh, God.
07:58You guys are doing pretty well.
07:59Yeah, I'm doing all right.
08:01They're really chucking that Dijon.
08:04This is my eldest, Alan.
08:06Alan, this is Tom.
08:07He's next door's builder.
08:10Hello, Tom.
08:11You, er, you gonna play football like your old man?
08:13Not unless they build a pitch in strange ways.
08:16His careers advisor says he's gonna be a prison warden.
08:19Oh.
08:20Computers, don't they?
08:21Oh, come off it.
08:23Computers can't predict the future.
08:25My wife can.
08:27Yeah.
08:28Deb, she...
08:29She can, you know, see things.
08:34And she's right every time.
08:36She knew I needed a root canal months before the dentist.
08:40I'm trying to get her on to you, bet.
08:42But she doesn't like to shout about it.
08:44It's true, Dave.
08:45Is he psychic?
08:46What did I just say?
08:47Say, boy.
08:48Who needed a computer when you had a chain-smoking, Cardi-wearing Oracle at your fingertips?
08:54I come bearing gifts.
08:55Well, gift.
08:56Oh.
08:57Oh, I'm your new neighbour, Jess.
08:59Please do help yourself to a wine or a burger.
09:01Chris, look who I just phoned.
09:02Oh, Ron.
09:03Oh.
09:04Oh, I'm your new neighbour, Jess.
09:06Please do help yourself to a wine or a burger.
09:08Chris, look who I just phoned.
09:09Oh, Ron.
09:10So glad you could make it.
09:11Wouldn't miss this for the world.
09:12Lovely to see you.
09:13It's quite turn out.
09:14It's considering.
09:16Last time I let her near a dictaphone.
09:24Maybe just a quick reading.
09:33Larry Akone on the coping piece.
09:36OK, Ron, there's nothing to see you.
09:39I joke.
09:40It was my future. I wanted spoilers.
09:43I predict that you are going to need a rest after all this.
09:48Speaking of predictions, if someone had a question about the future...
09:54What do you want to know?
09:55Me? God, I don't know.
09:58I haven't really thought about it. I'll have in the moment, me.
10:01God, you really put me on the spot, you have, Debs.
10:05Am I going to be a prison warden?
10:07Why? Do you want to be?
10:08Do you see me swinging round a tranchion?
10:11Of course I don't. It was a prediction.
10:15Well, what else did this psychic say?
10:19No, it wasn't a psychic. It was a Commodore 64.
10:22I'm not following you, Alan.
10:24I read a thing the other day that a prisoner made a machete out of a toothbrush,
10:27swallowed it all, pooed it out and shanked someone.
10:30Alan, why are you telling me this?
10:33That computer robbed me of my future, Debs.
10:36I should have some hope.
10:39No second opinion.
10:41Please give me a reading.
10:42Maybe later, love.
10:44Just finish me calling on the cop.
10:46I can't relax with you working over there whilst we're having all this fun.
10:52Are you sure I can't tempt you to a beer?
10:54Oh, don't drink and drill, Christine.
10:56Well, there might not be any left later.
10:58The old streets come.
10:59I think they needed a bit of a need.
11:01Don't want to get in trouble with a boss, do I?
11:03All right.
11:04Wouldn't want to upset Jez.
11:06Why not?
11:07You've upset everyone else.
11:08I think you've had enough.
11:17Sorry, Debs.
11:18I know you've got everyone bending your ear, but I'm just wondering if you see any babies
11:23on the horizon.
11:25I think that ship's sailed, don't you?
11:27Ship's sailed?
11:28I am yeas of that, thank you.
11:30No, I mean grandchildren.
11:32Oh, right.
11:33I've always wanted to be Nanny Henge.
11:34But Charlie's a bit of a heartthrob.
11:38Mmm.
11:39You're worried he won't settle?
11:42Well, I'll, er...
11:43I'll see what comes to me.
11:45Would you?
11:46Mm-hm.
11:48You getting anything?
11:50It's not instant.
11:53Lovely weather for it.
11:55Dry.
11:56Yeah.
11:58We've had some good times, haven't we?
12:00We'll have plenty more, I'm sure.
12:02Seventh in the league.
12:04You all right?
12:10I'm not drunk already, are you?
12:12Drunk?
12:13No.
12:14Wish I was.
12:15Make this a lot easier.
12:20Oh, hello.
12:20It's funny you say about babies, because I can see you with a big belly.
12:27A big, round belly.
12:31Waddling you are.
12:33Around a shop.
12:35What?
12:36What?
12:37Debs.
12:37Oh.
12:40Is Nigel the father?
12:43It's not Ron's, is it?
12:45Because there is a frisson.
12:47You're not pregnant.
12:48No.
12:48Shoving something up your jumper.
12:53Oh.
12:55Now there's an arm on your shoulder.
12:57I don't understand, Debs.
12:59Is this sexual?
13:00Oh.
13:01Store detective.
13:03Caught in the act.
13:04I have stopped all that.
13:06I only did it twice for the adrenaline.
13:08Packet afforded any of tights and a lip gloss.
13:10Oh.
13:11Now there's blue flashing lights.
13:13Debs, you are scaring me.
13:14Oh, look.
13:15I'm sorry.
13:16It's just I see what I see.
13:18Where's that drink?
13:19Here's me drink.
13:21So?
13:21What does she say?
13:22I'm waiting for Ed's do me.
13:24You're all right, Ange.
13:26Oh.
13:26You're very pale.
13:27She sees it all.
13:29Your darkest secrets.
13:32I'll come off it.
13:33It's only a bit of a laugh.
13:34It's not a laugh, Christine.
13:35She's got a third eye under that fringe.
13:37It sort of gushes out of her.
13:41Things you do not want to know.
13:43God knows what she said to Geraldine,
13:45but she's just thrown her wedding in a bush.
13:47Oh.
13:48No, I'd stay clear if I were you.
13:51Well clear.
13:53But she can't see everything, can she?
13:57Everything.
13:59She knows you better than you know yourself.
14:04Oh, my God.
14:07Graham, I've got something I want to tell you.
14:12Okay.
14:22That is work done.
14:23Oh, Christine.
14:25I couldn't have that beer that you were teasing me with.
14:28Cheers, aren't you sweet?
14:29Letting your builder knock off early.
14:30And this shepherd's pie.
14:35Beautiful.
14:36It's actually moussaka.
14:38Your wife's in the oranges.
14:41Hasn't she just?
14:42Uh, Debs.
14:43Oh, I'm trying, love.
14:44I am.
14:45Let's leave it.
14:46I think I'll get there, love.
14:47Don't worry about the old prison thing.
14:49The uniform's growing on me,
14:51and who doesn't have a metal detector?
14:53It's no trouble, love.
14:55Okay, so-ra, so-ra.
14:56Because I think I'm getting some...
14:57Leave it, Debs!
14:58Right, gather round, everyone!
15:05After polishing off a caraffa wine,
15:08Mum was ready to address her subjects.
15:10Come on, don't be shy.
15:15I wanted to thank you all for coming.
15:18It's lovely to see such a big turnout.
15:20You might hate me, but you love a free wine.
15:26No.
15:27No.
15:28No.
15:30I'm sorry if my comments in the cron were...
15:32a bit much.
15:34I honestly didn't mean to patronise...
15:38talk down to you.
15:40We know what patronise means.
15:42I never meant to put me foot in it.
15:44Size six, high-end sales.
15:46I love you all.
15:48I do.
15:48And if smiling and waving at you is a crime,
15:51well, then lock me up.
15:52There you go.
15:53That's your first customer.
15:54Oh, my God.
15:55I love seeing your little faces light up.
16:00In fact, you know what?
16:00I'm going to do this again.
16:03I'm going to do this bi-annually.
16:06What's £176?
16:08Pan.
16:08Now, I know that's a lot to you lot,
16:10but if it spreads a bit of happiness...
16:12Oh, Jesus Christ.
16:13Because I love you.
16:15I do.
16:16Yeah.
16:16And I love my boys.
16:18Get up here, boys.
16:19Where's my Alan?
16:20Wait.
16:21Eat, drink, and be merry.
16:24I'm getting something.
16:25Here you go.
16:25Showtime.
16:26She does this one.
16:27It's the big one, OK?
16:28But she can't get a signal through the wall.
16:31Um, no.
16:32Actually, I...
16:32It's ever so clear, this one.
16:35Should we do this inside?
16:36I can see.
16:37Oh, you're knackered, Debs.
16:39You don't know what you're saying.
16:40They're all saying.
16:41Clapping.
16:42People clapping.
16:43Hundreds of them.
16:45Go on.
16:46And one of those mirrors
16:46with the little light bulbs all around it.
16:50Oh, ha, ha, ha.
16:52His little face.
16:54Glowing.
16:56Oh, and there's a camera.
16:59I knew it, Mum.
17:00This is the future.
17:02Come on, Debs.
17:02I'm gonna be famous.
17:05Not you.
17:06Him.
17:07Ah.
17:09Gary?
17:10Gary!
17:10Me.
17:12King!
17:13Oh, I knew she had it in her.
17:14This is not fair.
17:15He's to be in prison.
17:16I should be the one on stage.
17:20Memory, all alone in the moonlight, I can smile at the old days.
17:31Alan, Alan, Alan, shh.
17:33People are eating, love.
17:34Get off that.
17:35You'll break it.
17:37Look.
17:38I see what I see.
17:39Yeah, we'll try seeing something else.
17:41Did you hear her?
17:43Little star.
17:44God, the papers have been knocking again.
17:45There's more.
17:47Oh, pack it in now, Debs.
17:48You've had your fun.
17:49Someone is moving on.
17:52She's opened the floodgates now.
17:54Come on, Debs.
17:56Someone is leaving.
18:00Oh.
18:01I've got to go and feed the cat.
18:02They're coming out of something difficult.
18:07Oh, they've paid too great a price.
18:09God, oh, my hairs are standing up.
18:10A secret burns inside of them.
18:17Graham, I better tell you before Nostradamus does,
18:21I'm leaving the club.
18:24No, it's gone.
18:25Sorry.
18:29There's no more cash.
18:31I've run out.
18:33I can't take you any further.
18:35Oh, Graham, grab some kitchen rolls.
18:44Everybody's talking at me.
18:48I don't feel worthy of saying.
18:52Hey, love.
18:54Have hot dog.
18:54They'll only go in the bin.
18:58We can't help it.
19:00We're just destined for greatness, this family.
19:03I'm not.
19:04Oh, Alan, since when have you listened to your teachers?
19:08I can't be a prison warden.
19:11Of course you can't.
19:12You get claustrophobic putting on a roll neck.
19:14I just felt that the future would be better than...
19:20now.
19:21Oh, Alan.
19:23We'll have a brilliant future.
19:26But you don't need all the answers now, do you?
19:30It's part of the fun.
19:32Finding your way.
19:34Working it all out.
19:35I have to find my way out of Broadmoor first.
19:38They are coming up with new jobs all the time.
19:40You could be a robot or something.
19:43Look, I can't tell the future like Debs.
19:47But I know you'll have a job you'll be proud of.
19:49And whatever it is, I'll be telling everyone I meet.
19:54That's my son.
19:56Really?
19:57Because you were pretty quiet when I was shrink-wrapping dog food on that industrial estate.
20:02Thanks, Mum.
20:03I needed to hear that.
20:05As Doris Day would say,
20:08Okay, surah, surah.
20:10Check this one out.
20:11So, two nuns in a bath.
20:13One says, where's the site?
20:15The second nun says...
20:17I tried everything.
20:20I really did.
20:22Got so many corners.
20:24I even mowed the pitch myself for the last six months.
20:28You should have said something.
20:30I didn't want you worrying.
20:31Oh, well, I'm bloody worrying now.
20:34Well, don't.
20:35You are flying, Graham.
20:37That's not down to me.
20:38It's down to us.
20:40No, we did it together.
20:43Graham.
20:47Working with you has been the honour of my life.
20:51I'll come off it.
20:52You have been more of a brother to me.
20:55Than your sister.
20:58But that gypsy woman was right.
21:01It's time for me to go, so...
21:05I'm going to stand up
21:07and walk through those aluminium sliding doors.
21:14No, please.
21:15Don't.
21:18I've never been any good at goodbyes.
21:22Fancy my soccer on?
21:24Oh, better be lovely.
21:26Hmm.
21:26Hmm.
21:31Uh, Dad?
21:34Yeah?
21:36How long's run staying?
21:37Because I want to watch Brookside.
21:40Not long.
21:47Lock up, will you?
21:48I hear the train a-comin'.
21:56It's rollin' around the bend.
21:58And I ain't seen the sunshine since.
22:01I don't know what to do.
22:03I'm stuck a full grip.
22:06That time keeps draggin' on.
22:09Quiet down.
22:14Lights out.
22:15Head down to San Anton.
22:20When I was just a baby,
22:22my momma told me, son,
22:25always be a good boy,
22:27don't ever play with guns.
22:29But I shot a man in Reno
22:32just to watch him die.
22:39When I hear that whistle blowin',
22:42I hang my head and cry.
22:45I hang my head and cry.
22:46I hang my head and cry.
22:46I hang my head and cry.
22:47I hang my head and cry.
22:48I hang my head and cry.
22:49I hang my head and cry.
22:50I hang my head and cry.
22:51I hang my head and cry.
22:52I hang my head and cry.
22:53I hang my head and cry.
22:54I hang my head and cry.
22:55I hang my head and cry.
22:56I hang my head and cry.
22:57I hang my head and cry.
22:58I hang my head and cry.
22:59I hang my head and cry.
23:00I hang my head and cry.
23:01I hang my head and cry.
23:02I hang my head and cry.
23:03I hang my head and cry.
23:04I hang my head and cry.
23:05I hang my head and cry.
23:06I hang my head and cry.
23:07I hang my head and cry.
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