- 4 hours ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Yes, that's the one!
00:03Alan?
00:04You nearly ready?
00:05Mum, do you think I should take me jazz shoes?
00:08You're only going tonight, love.
00:10You couldn't get away with a jazz shoe in Northampton.
00:13Believe me, I've tried.
00:15This town was cramping my style.
00:18I needed somewhere bigger, somewhere brighter,
00:21somewhere I could blend in.
00:23I needed London, Gary!
00:25You can't wear a show suit.
00:27You could run into a man of oil.
00:29Go! Get changed!
00:31Mum and Dad had a work meeting in town,
00:33so we were staying with Aunty Terry,
00:36a hop, skip and a jump from London's glittering West End.
00:40Are you sure she's up to this?
00:42Of course!
00:44Oh, you're not still on about last time.
00:46She took him to the dogs and lost him.
00:48Have I got stuck in that kennel? I'll never know.
00:51But this time I've come prepared.
00:53Got me cockney rhyming slang.
00:56Oh, love, no-one talks like that any more.
00:58What a load of old pony!
01:00You must be going madden.
01:03You've got to keep your wits about you down London town.
01:06Val got mugged outside in Aberdeen Angers.
01:08She didn't even realise.
01:10That's southerners for you.
01:11The god-awful place.
01:13Gangster-loving, ale-eating...
01:16Oi! I'm a sevener.
01:18Let me finish...
01:19with the most beautiful women in the country.
01:22And I'm including your mum in that.
01:25Charming.
01:27He who tires of London...
01:29Tires of pain.
01:30£1.20 for a pint.
01:31They're taking the mick.
01:33Right, let's go!
01:35Everyone in the corps!
01:37I'll be seeing you shortly, George.
01:40Wait till I tell Kate, I've been to...
01:43Barney!
01:44Oh!
01:45A hop, skip and quite a long jump from London's glittering West End then.
01:49MUSIC PLAYS
02:11Four hour round trip.
02:12I don't even know what this bloke wants.
02:14He's probably trying to poach Alfie for Stoke.
02:16Oh, sharks, these agents.
02:18Oh, Graham, put a sock in it. You're being wined and dined.
02:21Oh, I'd love to be wined and dined.
02:23Oh, shit.
02:25Alfie's not even scored all season.
02:27Dad!
02:28You're in the cultural captain of the world, OK?
02:30Stop talking about football.
02:32Oh, my God, is that Gloria Hannaford?
02:35It's Gloria Hannaford.
02:37No, it is. I think it is Gloria Hannaford.
02:41No, yeah, it's not.
02:44You're never more than six foot away from a celeb in London.
02:47We're only just off the M1, for Christ's sake.
02:50And it's rats, not celebrities.
02:52One and the same, darling.
02:54Oh!
02:55You're early.
02:56We're 20 minutes late.
02:58Oh.
02:59Thanks for this, Terry.
03:00Appreciate it.
03:01Oh, please.
03:02You know I love him.
03:04Oh!
03:05Oh!
03:06Oh!
03:07Them.
03:08I love them both, cos there's two of them, isn't there?
03:11Yeah.
03:12Right, so Gary's inhalers in his rucksack.
03:14Oh, go on.
03:15I'll have a quick puff.
03:16Oh, we're gonna have fun, aren't we, eh?
03:19The three musketeers.
03:21All for one and all for...
03:24One!
03:26Yeah.
03:27So you've got Graham's mobile number.
03:29I'm not phoning a mobile.
03:30No, but if you need it.
03:32No, they're not safe, Chris.
03:33Might as well stick you in the microwave.
03:35Yeah, I'm not sure that's how...
03:36No, no, no, sorry.
03:37You think about it.
03:38You've got a normal phone.
03:39The waves, they're travelling up the cold.
03:42They get stuck, trapped in the cold.
03:45You've got no cold.
03:47Those waves are going straight into your brain.
03:50Yeah, well, yeah, you can always phone the restaurant.
03:52Alan's got the details.
03:54Imperial China Piccadilly Circus.
03:56What are you going with again?
03:57I'm just some football agent.
03:59Oh!
04:00Wines and dines.
04:02Mm, yeah.
04:04Yeah!
04:05Right, come on then.
04:06Behave.
04:07Right, kid.
04:10Look after him.
04:12All right.
04:14All right.
04:15Ta-ta.
04:16Bye, bye boys!
04:19My Aunty Terry was the naughty to my mum's nice.
04:23Right then.
04:24An ashtray half full kind of girl.
04:27Oh, this is nice.
04:30What do you fancy doing?
04:31Well, so, where are you going to go?
04:33Are they coming in?
04:35Hello, Mr Wolf.
04:37Boo!
04:38Boo!
04:39Oh, you're not going to boo any more.
04:40He used to love a bit of boo.
04:41He's dead.
04:42Oh, timeless boo, innit?
04:43Oh, I've got one.
04:44Bet he can't find my fags in ten seconds.
04:45Go!
04:46No, cos we were thinking that maybe we could go up to the West End, see the mouse trap.
04:50Oh, oh, up the East End.
04:51Oh, oh, the East End, why at Chapel, cos I do a Jack the Ripper tour.
04:57Hey, I win!
04:59We can just do that round here, can't we?
05:01No, because I think that you need to go where he actually did the ball.
05:04west end see the mouse trap oh oh up the east end white chapel because i do a jack the ripper tour
05:10hey i win we can just do that round here can't we no because i think that you need to go where
05:19he actually did the murders otherwise you are just having a walk what about a film have you seen
05:27pretty woman before you start it is not about me oh yeah i've wanted to say that i was going to ask
05:35jake if he wanted to go with me jake's boy in my class i think that he was a little bit put off
05:40by the poster he said why would a prostitute be wearing waders hooker boots ellen oh
05:47and he goes to big odian in leicester square the seats are meant to be massive we don't need to go
05:53out hey vhs my mate wez got me a knock-off coffee that's piracy that's illegal if you hear any
06:02police sirens right just duck down behind the sofa all right oh i'm joking i'm joking
06:17sorry to drag you into town ah no not at all it's our pleasure much to discuss but i've been
06:23buggered if i'm coming to northampton food's fantastic here oh i bet it's lovely lovely lanterns
06:39all right um i'll order for the table shall i i know my way around the menu oh i think we all do
06:44don't we 36 couple of 22s port balls and a pancake roll yeah it's a little bit more authentic here so
06:51right you go ahead then do you like the sweet and sour balls though didn't you graham yeah i can
06:57live without the balls i will follow your lead smart man um he took your time right um sorry um is it
07:06true that diana right here it is yes very exciting isn't it oh has ken got any lobsters in the chinese
07:17restaurant might have been the real deal this vhs clearly wasn't
07:25gary gary we're not petting in sit up sit there we go boys couple of coke flakes
07:34oh it's good isn't it when's dinner we'll grab a bite to eat when we're out
07:41we should get going really big ben's ticking away no no i've got it all planned your dinner
07:47yeah yeah yeah
07:54honestly terry just chucks a banana on the way i can't be bothered with dinner after time
07:59just have a bit of philadelphia on the wheatabix don't go to any trouble on our account just grab
08:05something up west once we get going do you can curry all right mum usually makes it from scratch
08:13i haven't got the time to be pissing about with an onion ellen i do have a life
08:19so tube or cab which one we get in i bought a soft shoe for the palace out of respect cab
08:25well it says 180 here but i reckon just to just to grill it be so much quicker won't it i've never
08:33seen london before you're in london now alan greater london they call it that because it's better than
08:39the middle bit oh excuse won't be a sec uh keep an eye on that curry ellen
08:43hello hello hello you no no i'm not i told you i've got my sister's boys stop it
09:01all right all right you said you want to go out we're gonna go out
09:08gary grab your rucksack we're off to london town
09:21terry's local was more dead end than west end but at least it was half a mile in the right direction
09:29all right where's all right terry these are my nephews alan gary all right lads well tim got one
09:35boys a little please and some bacon krispies on the tab we're not stopping edna west
09:42gammie'll have that and then we'll be off yeah yeah hi darling ladies
09:52you do a three three two right you have johnson at the back freeman up front it's a no-brainer
09:57so do you live nearby kensington oh that's a lovely big ass freezing four floors extortionate
10:06yeah well we're double glazed throughout so that does help
10:11sorry do you feel like he's listening i think it's the eyes we eat a lot of fish oh yeah so do
10:18we i just tend to take the eyes out before they put them in breadcrumbs
10:22shangdu region shangdu region the chef is incredible with seafood
10:27he got a decent chinese do you oh yeah got a really good one they do fish and chips and all don't
10:32they graham well it's good for the kids um can we get a couple of forks here i don't think i don't
10:40think chopsticks have made it to north have been yet i suppose you need opposable thumbs to use them
10:47yeah well those thumbs have got them to the top of the league
10:50and it's been noted it's been noted
10:57aunt terry we can kiss goodbye to the mouse trap the curtain's gone up sorry oh you must be hungry
11:04get yourself a bag of crisps or me i can have crisps at home i want to see a bp for a close range
11:11just a furry hat alan i've just got to stay just for a little bit yeah why don't you
11:18have a throw yeah go on go on have a throw for me
11:28right can we go now you're standing wrong oh you show him
11:32find a mild and a bottle of white at your cheapest one yeah
11:51you must be gary fantastic your auntie terry real special lady yeah
11:57here you go my love try that shelly i'm a minus 4.5 i think it's holding you back clear the board lens
12:14about that yes better from a uncle nick how sweet
12:22who's uncle mick we don't have an uncle mick we might have one day if i play my cards right
12:31well hopefully ankles come to drive us up west
12:35load of cash in it well i should know i'm making it she's spending it but i'm making it
12:44it's always away hey girlies oh no no thank you not for me um got a bit of a headache actually
12:49i've got a bit of a headache right uh i'll drink some water excuse me
13:01i'm going for a cigarette all right now all right
13:05want another beer
13:11jack the ripper who maybe i didn't need to go traipsing around white chapel listening to someone
13:17witter on about disemboweling i discovered darts
13:25these arrows had given me life i was starting to feel optimistic
13:31where as mick was feeling becky with the bad hair's arse look no hands all right let's do i go first
13:44oh god mother i've missed chatting to you
13:48what are you doing what are you doing it's my fault i've been glued to that hockey all night
13:53oh making yourself home it's nice hey he's come all this way to see me practice my dots
14:01that's the thing about mick takes an interest in my interests yeah what happened to greg i liked him
14:11married oh terry you watch dynasty you should know that they never ever ever leave the wife but
14:21they give the old spill don't they she doesn't understand me it's different with you and the
14:27next thing it's i've got ringworm terry i can't leave the house most men are bastards allen i mean
14:33not you obviously you're a sweetheart and your dad you know your dad's all right i mean oh my god he's
14:43boring he was talking to me about the transfer wind i said graham i'm gonna stick my head through the
14:49window in a minute wait when you get a good one helen you make sure you hold on to him
14:55oh terry he was grabbing that woman's bum while you're in the loo
15:09shark wasn't her bum at noon she's very thin it's probably her elbow he doesn't care about your doubts terry
15:16oh it's probably out of my league anyway i mean look at him he's using a coaster as a toothpick
15:30terry no look at me look at me you are a strong independent beautiful woman stop it i mean man would
15:40kill for that kind of volume in her fringe and i know she thinks you're a nightmare but that's just
15:46because of your pizzazz that's why you live in london well greater london we're not going are we
15:55to the west end it's a bus and free tubes ellen it's fine i'm gonna live in london when i'm older
16:02be out on the town every night better believe it kid you'll be licking champagne off a chandelier with
16:08a cast of hollyhoaks before you know it anyway i can't leave now can i i got 86 and free throws
16:16to go i'm sorry darling you have had fun haven't you something stronger trying to get me drunk
16:29come on out with it who are you after you don't go throwing chicken chow mane at a man for nothing
16:37is it alfie who wants him stork bornsley stoke city but they don't want alfie they want you
16:51what it's a big offer graham they're not mucking about been eyeing you up for a while they're going
16:57in for the kiss they want to talk i can make it happen for you just a phone call it would be my pleasure
17:03i think you'd be mad not to jump at it cobblers was small fry but this this could change everything
17:11for you graham and the family and i'll only take 20 percent you sure i can't tempt you hey
17:19wait two sarkies
17:27the needle the sweating the urge to get it in the right spot it was like that time i od'd on a zempick
17:38you're lonely over there busy mick we're gonna have a good time
17:42you're having a very good time by the looks of it oh come here she said she's busy
17:50kenneth williams to the rescue oh leave it out mick yeah she's right you don't want to be cozy now
17:58barney rubble it's time we called you
18:03sherbet dab i think is it now uh can you give me space i'm trying to hit a triple top enough mick
18:12don't you turn your back on me you little poof
18:17ow you did that deliberately no i didn't it was an accident
18:24sling your rope wes wes chuck him out he stabbed me he threatened my nephew
18:32what's he even doing in here eh he's only 12 13 and a half actually
18:37oh
18:39i am fuzzies
18:42oh my god alan
18:44get it right in the bcg
18:49oh mrs carl terry has left a message for you oh god she said could you please come back
18:56jesus it's only half past nine uh they're at the king's arms i'm gonna kill her i've tried before
19:02but i'm gonna do it this time graham we need to leave surely no a drink round hours first i insist
19:07you can follow the jag look we get it you drive the flash car and you eat fish with the eyes in
19:12well done you bye love graham
19:19i can't leave i mean i'm i'm leaving the restaurant but uh
19:25i can't leave the club i appreciate the offer but um down the moon the money would be nice but um
19:32um yeah i won't let my players down or the club or ron we've been through a lot to get where we are
19:43but um yeah there's more left to do nice to meet you look if you change your mind you know where to
19:51find me all right i won't come on kids come on kids terry why are they in a pub
20:09i love sport see he loves sport it's not sport it's a hobby what was that hey nothing to think of
20:18all those times in pe when i had to run around to feeling sub-zero temperatures and i could have
20:22been in dolls in the world okay so i hadn't seen a beefeet or a single pearly queen but i had seen life
20:30and let's be honest i could have stayed in northampton to spend the night in a manky pub watching drunks
20:35play darts but being down here with my favorite aunt made me feel hopeful somehow well what was the
20:43problem then nothing i just thought you might want to see him he he's fantastic graham i hope you know
20:50how fantastic he is and i thought now that you're a football wife and all that chris that you could
20:57do the excuse of getting away from that boring chicha transfer window i need to throw myself out the
21:03bloody window i said that oh what are big sisters for ray oh where's gary gary oh there's two of them
21:16aren't there uh i reckon if i knuckle down i could play professionally for you from the gentleman what
21:33the little one yeah the fruit we see thank you my darling well at least they've had a good night
21:43i was nice to get out of northampton wasn't it you know change of scenery no i'm sorry london
21:50is overrated oh no i had to stop a man oh the imagination on him i think he's overtired oh me and all
22:00right take us back home back to northampton to northampton to northampton
22:07to northampton
22:1060 miles by rotor rail it's the love in my fairy tale
22:1760 miles to reach my gate northampton
22:21northampton it's a feeling i can't explain i only know that it feels the same
22:30i just can't wait to be in northampton
22:35not at all
22:51no
Recommended
47:46
|
Up next
22:51
47:01
47:20
1:21:23
1:21:23
47:46
44:12
1:04:35
43:13
45:58
40:13
1:06:47
23:02
22:48
22:47
1:01:56
Be the first to comment