- 4 hours ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
01:10All right, come on, flip it over.
01:12My show isn't over yet.
01:16There.
01:17Your turn.
01:18Oh, finally.
01:19Whoa, whoa, whoa, it's my turn.
01:20I want to watch the weather.
01:22Then look out the window, Pop.
01:23The long-range weather forecast, clever cogs.
01:26Like you need it, you're ready.
01:29In our house, you had to book your TV slot weeks in advance.
01:35Casablanca's playing on the Great Money movie in two weeks' time.
01:396 p.m., sharp.
01:41No talking, no telephone calls.
01:44Let's all do our part to make this happen, hey?
01:46And now for our longer-range forecast.
01:50Tuesday, fog.
01:51Wednesday, fog.
01:53Thursday, foggy.
01:55Friday, fog with a chance of rain.
01:57This is not entertaining.
01:59Breaking news.
02:00VOCM's own Mike Critch has won the Edward R. Murrow Award for ethics in broadcasting.
02:06Oh, way to go, Dad.
02:07Mike, I'm so proud.
02:09It's no big deal.
02:10Any cash with it?
02:11No, but they're having a fancy award night with a steak dinner and everything.
02:15A night out?
02:16What'll I wear?
02:17Oh, that's wonderful.
02:18Your award, I mean.
02:20Oh, gosh.
02:22Oh, Mike.
02:22I never missed an award show.
02:24The Oscars, the Tonys, the Marks.
02:28Wow.
02:29Best person.
02:31I'm humbled.
02:37First off, this doesn't mean I'm better than anyone here tonight.
02:41It just says it right here on the award.
02:47I want to thank all the little people, the kindergartners, but mostly Fox.
02:57Mom, you're right in front of the television.
02:59Oh, uh, what's wrong with you?
03:04Sorry.
03:05Oh, great money movies coming on.
03:07Pipe down.
03:08Mary, hold my calls, would you?
03:18I got on the bus just when my father was coming on the radio.
03:21Hey.
03:22And now, the VOCM news with Mike Critch.
03:27Who?
03:28Is that the baby's daddy?
03:31VOCM.
03:32Voice of the Child's Man.
03:35What?
03:36This just in, crime spree at Coleman's.
03:39Late last night, early this morning, police were called to Coleman's supermarket.
03:43A male suspect allegedly obscured with steaks and cheddar, hotting them down the front of
03:48his pants.
03:49Police gave chase, apprehending the man as he urinated against the fence, exposing his
03:54meats and cheeses.
03:55The suspect is scheduled for bail hearing in provincial court when we will learn the name
03:59of the Beef Bandit, Mike Critch, for the award-winning VOCM news.
04:08Stunning.
04:09Yes.
04:10How it's done.
04:13The kids loved to make fun of Dad.
04:16The only way to beat him was to join him.
04:18Oh, whoa.
04:22Oh, don't catch me.
04:24Oh, don't.
04:24Look at my meats and cheeses.
04:26Oh.
04:27Oh.
04:27Sit down, dumbass.
04:29Whoa.
04:30I was just making fun of my dad.
04:32You mean my dad.
04:35Your dad?
04:36Shut up.
04:37When everyone finds out my life is over, he put meat down his pants.
04:44It's not that bad.
04:48Okay, it's bad, but no one's going to know it's him.
04:52When he has his court date, your dad is going to broadcast his name and the whole bus will
04:57know.
04:58I'll ask him not to.
05:00He won't run out of your dad.
05:02Trust me, he's an award-winning man of ethics.
05:06I promise.
05:12Yeah, I got a thing.
05:13Go ahead, officer, Bob.
05:15You sure?
05:16Lindsay, now, school.
05:17Can you wear it from the chief?
05:21Dick, would you, I don't know, eat meat that had been down a man's pants?
05:27Depends on the type.
05:30Ground?
05:31Frig, no.
05:34Strip line?
05:36Friggin' right.
05:37That's an expensive cut.
05:38What if it had been down the back of his pants?
05:47I'll stand by my answer.
05:48Bye now.
05:49Good man.
05:50More breaking news, boys.
05:52Police in Newfoundland are finally going to be issued guns.
05:55Because a buddy with your cheese in his pants?
05:57Hey, hey, this is two big scoops in a day.
05:59Good work, Dad.
06:00Don't more guns mean more danger?
06:09Not at all.
06:10The guns will be kept under lock and key.
06:16I had the keys here a minute ago.
06:18Oh, he wouldn't know his arse from his elbow.
06:20For CJQN News, I'm...
06:23What's this, then?
06:25Hmm?
06:25This.
06:26Oh, um...
06:27Yeah, didn't I mention it?
06:29Yeah, I got cable.
06:31We can't afford cable.
06:32Oh, relax.
06:34I'm paying for it.
06:35Oh.
06:35Well, just pipe down.
06:37Now, this film has partial nudity.
06:41And I want to see which part.
06:43You know, if you're throwing money around, we have bills.
06:46Up next on Movie Max, Sylvester Stallone as Rambo in first blood.
06:53Sylvester Stallone.
06:57This time, he's fighting for his life.
07:00First blood.
07:05Well, I suppose we don't need to get rid of the cable right this second now, do we?
07:12I need to use the washroom.
07:15Did he just pee?
07:16Gross.
07:17Continue with your math assignments at Merck.
07:19If anyone makes any noise, write their name on the board.
07:23Of course, she chose the son of the most ethical man in town.
07:33Hey, cut it out.
07:35I'll allow it.
07:36Pritches ain't snitches.
07:38Hey.
07:43The cheese bandit strikes again.
07:46Quit it, Richie.
07:48The whole world's wondering.
07:50Where's the beef?
07:51It's down my pants.
07:53My father had won an award for his ethics, but now I face an ethical dilemma.
07:58Did I protect Fox or rat out my best friend?
08:01I'm being serious.
08:02Settle down or I'll...
08:05You'll what?
08:06Pritches aren't snitches, right?
08:11You wouldn't dare.
08:13It doesn't have to be this way.
08:15Just stop talking.
08:17Sit down, loser.
08:19Hey, she just talked.
08:20Write her name down.
08:22What the heck?
08:23Don't make me do this.
08:24Come on.
08:25You love jokes.
08:27Hey, is that a ribeye in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
08:30Shut up.
08:31Fox talked.
08:33I bet it's because she's a girl.
08:34Oh.
08:35Okay.
08:36Not fair.
08:37It was like a fever dream.
08:43What are you doing there?
08:44Something came over me, and before I knew what I was doing...
08:47Well, that's a first.
08:49Mark the Nerk, is it?
08:53Busted for busting.
08:58Hey, Mike.
08:59What do you think is that copy?
09:01This is Dick Dunphy.
09:03I'll be broadcasting live this afternoon from Coleman's Supermarket,
09:07where the deals are practically criminal.
09:10I'll be giving out as many packs of Kraft singles and hot dogs
09:14as you can fit in your pants.
09:16Make up like a bandit at Coleman's.
09:19Oh.
09:21This is why you're the master?
09:23Hmm.
09:24Hey, Dad, you should do an update on the beef bandit.
09:28I mean, there's the hottest story in town right now.
09:29Nothing new to report until we get a name.
09:33B.O.C.M. Newsroom.
09:36Mike Rich speaking.
09:37Mike, it's me.
09:38Oh, hello, Officer Butt.
09:42Wondering if you heard anything about a last gun.
09:46You lost your gun?
09:48No, no.
09:50Why, did anyone say they found one?
09:53You know I have a duty to report this.
09:55Oh, not if you want any more hot tips
09:57like the one I gave you about the steak and cheese bandit.
10:00Use me job, Mike.
10:03I wish I had a tip.
10:09You get a name?
10:11No.
10:12Nah, it's nothing.
10:2120.
10:2120.
10:31Ooh.
10:32This thing's some hot.
10:35We should call Cable Atlantic.
10:36No.
10:37No.
10:38We won't be doing that.
10:40You see, the cable company doesn't technically know we've got cable.
10:45No, it's a de-scrambler.
10:47You bloody shagger.
10:48This is illegal.
10:50Mike is liable to just turn himself in.
10:53Fine.
10:54Say goodbye to Rambo, too, then.
10:56No.
10:56Keep it between ourselves for now.
11:05The beaver.
11:06How interesting.
11:09Dad, can I talk to you about the beef bandit?
11:11I don't know who he is.
11:12You're on wait till tomorrow like everyone else.
11:14I already know who it is, Dad.
11:16The beef bandit is Fox's dad.
11:19Fox's father is a thief.
11:20Merck the narc strikes again.
11:23You can't say anything.
11:24It'll ruin Fox's life.
11:26And she will end mine.
11:28It's gonna come out whether I report it or not.
11:30You're the one who the kids listen to on the bus.
11:33I promised her you wouldn't.
11:35Please.
11:36For me.
11:38Look, it's not personal.
11:40Not personal?
11:41I'm your son.
11:43If I make an exception for family, then I'm no better than he is.
11:46Right, Mary?
11:47Couldn't agree more.
11:48Spot on, son.
11:51We gotta get rid of that de-scrambler.
11:53Just as soon as Rambo comes out of the jungle.
11:56Yes.
12:01Mmm.
12:03Oh.
12:04Hello, Fox.
12:08I didn't realize the time.
12:10We were just finishing up some homework.
12:12Sorry, I didn't know you were about to eat.
12:14Oh.
12:15But I did.
12:16Dad could say no to me,
12:18but could he say no to the face of the poor girl
12:20he was about to send to the orphanage?
12:22Or at least her mom's house?
12:24Go on.
12:25You sit down.
12:26Hmm?
12:27Uh, uh, yeah, no.
12:28Uh, that's my seat.
12:30But the seat next to Dad's open, though.
12:31Hmm.
12:32There you go, dear.
12:41Ah, there's nothing like a meal with your family.
12:44Uh, I hear you're getting some big award.
12:50Oh, it's nothing.
12:51Did you know he broke the beef bandit story, too?
12:54Uh-uh.
12:55That's quite a story.
12:57Apparently, this fella sticks the goods down his trousers.
13:00And then, then he's got to pee.
13:04Ha!
13:04Imagine the pressure!
13:06Ha!
13:07Ha!
13:07Ha!
13:07Imagine.
13:08I was living it.
13:10People putting pork down their pants.
13:13Perverts.
13:13Well, doesn't the Bible say you can steal to feed your family?
13:17Adverbs 630?
13:18How about thou shalt not steal?
13:20You familiar with that one?
13:22No offense, Fox.
13:22Oh, my God, Mark!
13:27What?
13:29Oh, she's making a getaway.
13:32Check her pants for cheddar on the way out.
13:35Pop!
13:35Fox, please.
13:38I was just trying to help.
13:39I knew I shouldn't have trusted you.
13:41He's going to tell everyone.
13:43He says he has no choice.
13:44I expect my dad to let me down.
13:47But you?
13:49You're just like everyone else.
13:51No.
13:52No, no, wait.
14:05What a freak do you want?
14:08This may seem strange, but I want to know why you did it.
14:12What difference does it make?
14:14Was it to eat?
14:17Look, I'm not an animal.
14:19I don't eat nothing that touches my privates.
14:22I shoplifts meats and cheeses and sells them to the pizza joint.
14:27But why?
14:30You ever worry about how you're going to feed your kids, Mike?
14:36Some newsman you are.
14:38You don't know nothing about the real world.
14:39Anything you want to say?
14:45Nothing that's fit to put on the radio.
14:50Look, I'm not a bad guy, Mike.
14:51I just...
14:52I never had a chance.
14:55You let me know if you need any meats and cheeses when I get out of here.
15:03I know as a guy.
15:04I saw your advertisement on the television, and I would like to enter your contest.
15:17Well, yes, I am a cable subscriber.
15:20That's right.
15:22303, Ken Mountain Road.
15:24It's a trap.
15:24It's a trap.
15:27For freak's sake, I'm trying to win us a new TV.
15:30The cable company said they're giving one away to anyone who has a movie channel.
15:33It's a trap to catch people with these scramblers.
15:38You have got us headed to the big house.
15:42I think they've got cable.
15:43You're here late.
15:57Oh, yeah, I'm just working on my speech for the awards banquet.
16:01I'm having a bit of trouble with it.
16:03What?
16:04The award's for ethics, isn't it?
16:07That's your whole shtick.
16:09Hey, come on, just say what you always told us growing up.
16:12There's the right way and the wrong way.
16:15It's either a truth or a lie.
16:17It's good guys versus bad guys.
16:20You know, all that crap.
16:25Hey, come on.
16:27You got this.
16:42Dad won a major prize, but to him, the greatest prize of all was the free meal.
16:54Uh, just to be sure, there's no charge for this at all, right?
16:57Yes, sir, no charge.
16:58Although, tips are appreciated.
17:00No, thank you.
17:01But food reminded me of someone.
17:06Something wrong with your steak?
17:07What if it's stolen?
17:08I wouldn't want to be an accomplice to a meat crime.
17:11You and me names.
17:12Enough.
17:13This is a special night.
17:14You gonna finish that?
17:16What?
17:16No, I think the boys got a good point.
17:18I mean, how do I know this steak hasn't been down somebody's trousers?
17:23Freshly grated Parmesan?
17:24Yes, please.
17:26Hmm?
17:28Oh, Lord, the pigs.
17:30We walked straight into the lion's den.
17:33Why did you let me make that call?
17:35Did you hear that the Kirklands, they got nabbed for that?
17:38Someone, are you gonna eat that?
17:39The steak.
17:40What?
17:41The steak.
17:42You gonna finish the...
17:43No.
17:44I've lost my appetite.
17:51No matter how embarrassed Fox was of her dad,
17:54I still couldn't help being proud of mine.
18:04Still mad at me?
18:06No.
18:07I understand.
18:09It's not personal.
18:11I mean, you wouldn't be winning an award for ethics
18:12if you took a dive for your own son now, would you?
18:14Attention, folks.
18:16And the Edward R. Murrow Award for ethics in broadcasting
18:21goes to a man whom we, in the force, trust.
18:26Ladies and gentlemen, VOCM's Mike Crinch.
18:31I'm particularly honoured to accept this award for ethics
18:46because, as I always tell my boys,
18:48doing the right thing
18:49isn't always easy.
19:00Life isn't black and white.
19:02It's mostly grey.
19:03And the greyer I get, the more I can see that.
19:09There's no good guys and bad guys.
19:13It's just people trying their best to get by.
19:19Sometimes, when you set out to do the right thing,
19:22you end up doing more harm than good.
19:24So, try and err on the side of kindness.
19:31That's something I learned from my son.
19:35And that's who I'd like to thank most tonight,
19:37is my family.
19:40Thank you for showing me
19:41that it's never too late to do the right thing.
19:44Oh, Jesus, he knows.
19:45Thank you, and good night.
19:50All right, let's have this out.
19:52It's gone.
19:54Nobody need know.
19:57How did you find out?
19:59Everybody knows about them.
20:02About the guns?
20:03Guns?
20:04No.
20:04I'm talking about my de-scrambler.
20:07Guns, what are you talking about?
20:10Let's pretend this conversation never happened.
20:12Oh.
20:13What conversation?
20:16Don't touch my dessert.
20:22Sometimes, you just have to depend on your heart
20:25to tell you what's right.
20:29A lone wrong wife of male?
20:31Feeling exotic?
20:32Give that to me, narc.
20:34We all know we should strive to do the right thing.
20:40Admit when you're wrong.
20:43Jeez, not again.
20:44Don't steal.
20:49And always tell the truth.
20:57But life isn't black and white.
20:59Sometimes, in those shades of gray,
21:02we end up doing the wrong thing
21:04for the right reasons.
21:08For family.
21:09Breaking news.
21:15A member of the constabulary
21:16has reported his newly acquired gun
21:18has gone missing.
21:19Sources say this is not the first time
21:21the officer's weapon has been displaced.
21:23Also, the beef bandit has been arraigned.
21:27And now the weather.
21:29Looks like a good day out there.
21:31Sunny with a high of five degrees.
21:32Stop.
21:33Or I'll say stop again.
21:35My finger is loaded.
21:36You're a total dork.
21:39You know that, right?
21:40Mm-hmm.
21:41And the best reason of all,
21:43for love.
21:45It's a beaut, Dad.
21:47You deserve it.
21:48Jesus Murphy, pipe down.
21:50We can hardly hear the TV.
21:52Crime Stoppers is seeking assistance
21:54for the following crime.
21:57A rifle is missing from a vehicle.
22:00No fault of the vehicle's owner.
22:02We assume a roving band of gun thieves
22:06has run amok
22:07absconding with weapons
22:09hither.
22:10For your sake.
22:11Oh, it's Dad's award.
22:12The medal's frigging up the reception.
22:14Oh, get it off.
22:15And where do you suggest I put it?
22:16Why don't you put it up, you jump?
22:18Bob!
22:19They can't stay in the same room anymore.
22:20Just let him say it.
22:21Let him say it.
22:22I can't say it.
22:22We're supposed to be a family.
22:24You know what?
22:25Put it off there.
22:26We're destroying the program.
22:28You still have no idea.
22:30We'll see you next time.
23:00Bye-bye.
23:01Bye-bye.
23:02Bye-bye.
23:03Bye-bye.
23:04Bye-bye.
23:05Bye-bye.
23:06Bye-bye.
23:07Bye-bye.
23:08Bye-bye.
23:09Bye-bye.
23:10Bye-bye.
23:11Bye-bye.
23:12Bye-bye.
23:13Bye-bye.
23:14Bye-bye.
23:15Bye-bye.
23:16Bye-bye.
23:17Bye-bye.
23:18Bye-bye.
23:19Bye-bye.
23:20Bye-bye.
23:21Bye-bye.
23:22Bye-bye.
23:23Bye-bye.
23:24Bye-bye.
23:25Bye-bye.
23:26Bye-bye.
23:27Bye-bye.
Recommended
22:49
|
Up next
40:17
22:54
22:54
22:54
21:39
21:54
21:54
21:54
21:54
21:38
21:39
52:03
21:39
21:39
47:01
56:01
51:58
40:53
40:30
24:45
24:48
24:44
25:21
Be the first to comment