Skip to playerSkip to main content
chtv38
  • 18 hours ago

Category

😹
Fun
Transcript
00:00Oh, no!
00:05Hello?
00:13Hey!
00:18Nothing's ever straightforward in this stupid house.
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:33Hello!
00:34And welcome to the Taskmaster Grand Final!
00:43Now, there are some that say I'm struggling to write introductions
00:46after 20 series, and to those people, I say this...
00:49I've got a brain for business and a body for sin.
00:52I give out the points to decide who will win.
00:54I'm the Taskmaster, this show's magistrate.
00:56I'm inconsistent because of my swollen prostate.
01:00LAUGHTER
01:03Who dared to enter my realm of tasks?
01:05Three northerners, a Gen Z and the Sanjeev of Basques.
01:08I'll give them all names, I'll give them all hope.
01:10But my allegiance, as ever, remains with the Pope.
01:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:16So, for the last time, please welcome our five would-be champions.
01:21Anya Magliano!
01:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:25Maisie Adelaide!
01:27Phil Ellis!
01:29Reece Sheer-Smith!
01:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:32And Sanjeev Bhaskar!
01:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:36And next to me, a man who recently confided in me in private
01:40that he likes women who fart.
01:44or fart!
01:47HE HE HE HEE HII
01:49Neal Alex Hawks!
01:53APPLAUSE
01:55We know it too well, then we?
01:56Me too.
01:57Let's find out how well you know me, Greg, with a little quiz.
01:58You want a little quiz?
01:59Do you want a little quiz? Oh, is this your chat section?
02:00Shut your eyes. All right.
02:02What colour is my hair, Greg?
02:04It's all pepper-pot ginger.
02:06Correct. What colour are my teeth, Greg?
02:08They're sort of an off-white,
02:10apart from one which is black and folded in on itself.
02:13LAUGHTER
02:14Correct. And what colour are my eyes, Greg?
02:18Mmm...
02:19Blue?
02:20No.
02:23They're brown.
02:25You can have a look if you want.
02:26Oh, God.
02:29LAUGHTER
02:32You've painted brown eyes on your lids, that's it?
02:34And that's the springboard for the grand final?
02:37It's the grand final!
02:41OK, what's the prize-task category that we've saved for the final?
02:45Well, the only one it could be, Greg,
02:47it has grand final written all over it,
02:49as each of them has brought in their very best tube.
02:54LAUGHTER
02:56Five important grand final points for the best tube
02:59and five actual tubes for the episode winner.
03:01Shut up, Alex.
03:02Here we go.
03:03All right, then.
03:05Phil.
03:07Hi.
03:08Before we go any further, I would like to say,
03:11you shouldn't grow your hair long.
03:13LAUGHTER
03:15Because there's some glamorous pirates in this row,
03:18but you look like a man who'd try and sell me meat out of a bag.
03:21LAUGHTER
03:23What tube have you brought in?
03:24Is it a good tube?
03:25Uh, it's a good old tube of lube.
03:28Um...
03:29LAUGHTER
03:30I found it in the park, and...
03:32LAUGHTER
03:34I told you that's where we left it.
03:36LAUGHTER
03:38Yeah.
03:39This is why it's the best tube,
03:41because you know what kind of situation you're in with lube.
03:44If you're using it to get in something, it's a good day.
03:48If...
03:49LAUGHTER
03:51If you're using it to get out of something,
03:54it's a bad day.
03:55Bad day, yeah.
03:56LAUGHTER
03:57I think I've got everything I need to know.
03:58Yeah.
03:59Macy.
04:00I've brought my favourite tube of pasta.
04:02Like...
04:03If you've just brought a tube of pasta in,
04:05then, against all odds, Phil's not getting one more.
04:08No, no, no.
04:09LAUGHTER
04:10I've made a tube...
04:11But, like, I've made it into a tube.
04:13Let's have a look.
04:14As in, the tube.
04:15With little pasta wheels.
04:17LAUGHTER
04:19That's good, isn't it?
04:21I know what you're thinking.
04:22You're going, Macy, it still looks just a bit like pasta.
04:25Which is why I've painted it to look like the tube!
04:28Here we go.
04:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
04:32It's good.
04:33It's good.
04:34I've got nothing sarcastic to say.
04:35I like the tube of the tube.
04:37Rhys.
04:38So, I brought in a test tube with the umbilical cord of a werewolf.
04:43Here it is.
04:45LAUGHTER
04:47You bought that?
04:49Yep.
04:50From somebody who told you it was the umbilical cord of a werewolf?
04:52Yep.
04:53Yeah.
04:54I knew it wasn't,
04:56but I...
04:57It was a display made lovingly by someone that crafts this sort of thing.
05:01I thought some bloke up north had licked a twig and put it in a test tube
05:05and licked it at you for 500 quid.
05:07LAUGHTER
05:08Yeah.
05:09I've still got my umbilical cord.
05:10Shut up.
05:11LAUGHTER
05:12It's still...
05:13It's...
05:14It's still attached.
05:15I've still...
05:16Are you eating?
05:17LAUGHTER
05:18I quite often feed myself through it.
05:21You don't need to use a mouth.
05:22Yeah.
05:23Anya, hello.
05:24I've brought in also a test tube, but I've brought in a test tube that's filled with DNA.
05:30It's DNA that I've harvested myself.
05:32Alex, perhaps you could show the photo of me.
05:34Yes.
05:35This is Anya harvesting DNA.
05:37Oh!
05:38You've found a little hair, haven't you, Anya?
05:40Yeah, I don't know if you recognise that jacket, Greg.
05:42LAUGHTER
05:44Oh, no.
05:45LAUGHTER
05:46I thought it would be good to finally get some closure on everything that's been going on.
05:50Um, so I sent off your DNA alongside some of my DNA to the lab.
05:55Yeah.
05:56And we just got some very interesting results.
05:58Here are the DNA results.
05:59The child there, Anya Magliano.
06:01If we zoom in, we can see what they think.
06:03LAUGHTER
06:05That's hard. That is hard.
06:07Hello, Daddy!
06:08LAUGHTER
06:10Well, that's, er, genuinely unsettling.
06:12Yeah.
06:13Congratulations.
06:15We'll talk about Christmas later.
06:17LAUGHTER
06:18Sanjeev.
06:19OK, well, this is my best tube.
06:21This is a tube that contains stories, history, but also warnings, danger.
06:28It's extraordinary.
06:29Er, it is a tube, er, like, er, and it's of my DNA.
06:33Yeah.
06:34Here we are.
06:35I know what it is.
06:36I guessed as soon as you started talking for the third time in the series.
06:39Yep.
06:40Yes, it's the tube of...
06:41There it is!
06:42LAUGHTER
06:43Once again.
06:44Why is this piss better than your previous pisses?
06:47LAUGHTER
06:48It's fresher.
06:50LAUGHTER
06:51OK.
06:52OK.
06:53Tell me some points, Greg.
06:55I'm very fond of Phil, but the idea that he's last-minute
06:58grabbed a tube-a-loop.
06:59Half a tube-a-loop.
07:00I can't give him more than one.
07:02I'm sort of disgusted by the werewolf, but I like the story behind it.
07:07I'm used to Sanjeev's urine now, so the novelty's worn off a little bit,
07:11but I'm going to give them three points, both the werewolf umbilical cord
07:14and Sanjeev's urine.
07:16Wow.
07:17Now, I think this will, erm, reflect very badly on me.
07:21Please put a tube of pasta above your daughter.
07:24LAUGHTER
07:26Greg, you've done that for 27 years.
07:29LAUGHTER
07:30I don't know why.
07:31I am going to give...
07:33LAUGHTER
07:34I'm going to give my daughter four points.
07:35OK.
07:36And I'm going to give a woman who's made a tube out of pasta.
07:39Five.
07:40Well done, Maisie Adam.
07:41Five points.
07:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:43All right, let's get going, let's get to the task.
07:48Well, what better way to begin than with the final team task of the series
07:53and a good old cup of tea or two, or 14.
08:08Hi.
08:09Hello.
08:10Hi.
08:11Hey.
08:12Hi.
08:13Fancy meeting you here.
08:14Hello.
08:15What are you doing?
08:16Hi, Rhys.
08:17What do you want?
08:18Hi, Maisie.
08:19I want one of you to turn left into the living room and one of you right into the kitchen.
08:22Bothered?
08:24I'll go in here.
08:25I like a kitchen.
08:26You don't have to.
08:27That's the wrong answer in this day and age.
08:29Oh, yes.
08:30Yeah.
08:31Do you want to swap it?
08:32Do you want it just so you don't get an article about you?
08:33Yeah.
08:34Fair enough.
08:35Yeah, well, I don't know.
08:36Does anyone feel comfortable being on their own?
08:38I've spent my life on my own.
08:40I'm happy with that.
08:41Decision made.
08:42Let's go in here.
08:43OK.
08:44Right.
08:45Good luck.
08:46Good luck.
08:52Cups.
08:53Tea?
08:54Tea cups?
08:55Mm-hmm.
08:56Oh, no.
08:57It's not your responsibility in this.
08:58I'm so nervous about letting Reece down.
09:02WHISTLE
09:03OK.
09:04Make exactly the same looking drinks as your teammates' drinks.
09:08Your teammate must make exactly the same looking drinks as your drinks.
09:12Your entire team may only open two doors.
09:15May only open two doors.
09:16May only open two doors.
09:18What does that mean?
09:20Most similar looking drinks wins.
09:22You have 15 minutes.
09:24Your time starts now.
09:25Your time starts now.
09:26Wish I hadn't gone on my own.
09:29Terrible decision.
09:30APPLAUSE
09:31I'm really afraid of letting me down.
09:32Often, Maisie's very worried about keeping you happy.
09:37It's quite frightened of me.
09:38Because you're fucking terrifying!
09:39Let's get going.
09:40Let's start with a team of two.
09:41They've been a true power couple so far.
09:42Let's see how they got on.
09:43And their final team task.
09:44I think we did it.
09:45Hello.
09:46So, have you got the same task as me?
09:47It's about making the same drink.
09:48Yeah.
09:49Have you got seven drinks in front of you?
09:50Yes, I have.
09:51Of different colours.
09:52No.
09:53Oh.
09:54Right, OK.
09:55So, you've got the drinks probably and I have to make the drinks to make them like your
10:04drinks.
10:05Yes.
10:06OK, so start with the first drink on the left.
10:09Like a cranberry.
10:10Yes.
10:11Yeah.
10:12OK, so, you've got the drinks probably and I have to make the drinks to make them like
10:17your drinks.
10:18Yes.
10:19OK, so start with the first drink on the left.
10:21Like a cranberry juice.
10:22OK, so I'm going to look in the fridge for some cranberry juice.
10:26I'm opening it.
10:27Yeah.
10:28You've opened one door.
10:29Right, look for any of these things, Rhys.
10:32Yeah.
10:33Cranberry juice, tomato soup, anything that's like a bright green.
10:37None of those things you've said so far are in this fridge.
10:40Then it's a cup of coffee but it's frothy so I think that's like a latte with milk.
10:45Where am I going to get that from out of a cupboard?
10:47Well, I don't know.
10:48Skip that one.
10:49I'm a bit worried about leaving the fridge door open so long, things will start going
10:53off.
10:54Oh, I've set him off now.
10:55You've got like teriyaki sauce.
10:58Would that be like a brown drink?
10:59Yeah, that could be the last one.
11:01Bob that in number seven.
11:02OK, I'm doing it now.
11:03Keep the doors open.
11:04Yeah.
11:05Yeah, it's teriyaki.
11:06I've just smelt it.
11:07Oh, well, good.
11:08One done.
11:09So I've got tomato ketchup.
11:10Yes, take that out.
11:11Oh, look.
11:12Here we are.
11:13Can you hear me?
11:15Yes.
11:16Yes, I can hear you.
11:17Hello, Rhys.
11:18Can't hear you.
11:19Maisie talking.
11:20What?
11:21Maisie talking.
11:22Oh, right.
11:23There you are.
11:24I've got you.
11:25I reckon go to a cupboard.
11:27Oh, God.
11:28And we're looking for cranberry sauce, tomato soup.
11:31Right.
11:32But the problem is, though, Maisie, there's about three cupboards
11:34and I don't know which one to pick.
11:35It's literally a guessing game.
11:37I'm just going to open one that looks like it's got things in it.
11:40I'm opening it now.
11:41This could be the end of the game.
11:42It's the end of the game.
11:46What's in there?
11:47I've opened the wrong one, Maisie, and there's nothing in it
11:49apart from plates.
11:50So now what we've got is some teriyaki sauce, tomato sauce
11:52and some milk.
11:53Is there anything that looks like tomato sauce?
11:56We'll start with that.
11:57Right.
11:58Number two, go 50% tomato sauce.
12:02Mix it with a load of water from the sink.
12:04And then I reckon number one, put a tiny bit of ketchup in
12:08and then the rest, water.
12:10Because it's sort of a clearish red.
12:12Oh.
12:13Number five is a cup of tea.
12:14Right.
12:15I'll try and do a tea.
12:16What are you making your tea with, Rhys?
12:18Very accurate for milk.
12:19It's going to look like tea.
12:21What's number three?
12:24Tea that has just had the bag in, but nothing else.
12:28Can you do that?
12:30Ah.
12:31Right, you've found the tea with you now.
12:33I can do that.
12:34There was tea all along.
12:39It's an excellent one.
12:40It's like a filthy coffee.
12:41Maybe just spit in it.
12:43I think my spit are bubbly.
12:45You've got one minute left.
12:46OK, right.
12:47So, number four, I'll neck the green.
12:49And then it's just both empty cups, isn't it?
12:52Do that.
12:53That's brilliant.
12:56I thought we did.
12:59That's your timer.
13:01Are you all right, Maisie?
13:02Yeah.
13:04I think it was cucumber.
13:06And you know what?
13:07Have we done OK?
13:08Have we?
13:09That's not bad, actually.
13:10Oh, Rhys, we've smashed it.
13:11I think that's good.
13:12That's banging.
13:13So, which cupboard did you open?
13:15Oh.
13:16It was this one.
13:17Imagine at this point.
13:18But you can see through here.
13:19Well, this is what I thought.
13:20It was a trick.
13:22Thank you, team.
13:23I do feel a bit queasy.
13:24I bet you do.
13:32See?
13:33She's no doormat, really, is she?
13:34No, not at all.
13:35Although we did have yet another...
13:37Oh, I've set him off now.
13:40It's like some abusive, like, terrible ogre.
13:42You are, though.
13:43It is funny.
13:44Like, you open the fridge, which Maisie can't see, and you go,
13:48Oh, none of the things you've said are in this fridge!
13:51Like, it's her fault!
13:55It's frustration.
13:56It comes out in different ways.
13:57Yeah.
13:58I mean, they were pretty good, though.
13:59Yeah.
14:00As far as I could see.
14:01Well, considering they opened the fridge and are covered full of plates.
14:05That's a hell of a start to this task.
14:07We're off for a break now, so that means you are too.
14:10We'll see you in a minute.
14:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
14:23Welcome back to Taskmaster.
14:25It's the final, and we're in the middle of a final team task.
14:28Whoa!
14:29You've got to be kidding me!
14:30Yes, the...
14:31The task is to make exactly the same-looking drinks in the kitchen
14:36as the drinks in the living room.
14:37The entire team may only open two doors.
14:40Most similar-looking drinks wins.
14:42Now, for the final time, it's Anya, Phil and Sanjeev.
14:46Phil?
14:47Bear with me.
14:49The first one has no flavour.
14:51But it's warm.
14:52About the same heat as urine.
14:54Fresh.
14:55Oh, wait a minute.
14:58I could just open this door, couldn't I?
15:01I think one of our doors might have to be the fridge door.
15:04Oh, that's...
15:06I was...
15:07Yeah, I'm really glad I didn't just open the cupboard behind me now.
15:10Yeah, don't do anything.
15:12Oh, dear.
15:13Erm...
15:14Oh, my God, I'm scared.
15:15I don't like leaving him unattended.
15:18LAUGHTER
15:19Oh, wait a minute.
15:20Why don't you just bring them here,
15:22and I'll just pour mine into yours?
15:24Well, if we pour exactly half.
15:26Yeah, we can do that.
15:27That's easy, then, isn't it?
15:29Ha-ha!
15:30Suckers!
15:37Looks like he's having some trouble.
15:41One door open.
15:42We're opening our second door.
15:43Yeah.
15:44You may open no more doors.
15:46How much time have we got left, Alex?
15:47Seven minutes.
15:48Seven minutes.
15:49Ooh!
15:50Well...
15:51What about that?
15:52Oh, yeah, that's good.
15:53Oh, good.
15:54Well, let's see how much is in each one with that.
15:56You've got a little bit of dribble on your rim there.
15:58You want to be productive?
15:59On the urine.
16:00See what I mean?
16:01It's the same warmth, isn't it?
16:02Oh, it is, actually.
16:03It's like when you give a medical sample.
16:04Yeah, yeah.
16:05I got a text of the day asking for a store sample.
16:08And, er...
16:09No, just stop there.
16:10That's just a good text.
16:11We'll leave it at that.
16:12That's really good.
16:13What we've done is amazing.
16:14There's a minute left, but you can leave at any point.
16:17OK.
16:18Are you just doing the washing up now?
16:20Oh, yeah.
16:21That's nice.
16:22Ten seconds left.
16:23Task is over.
16:24Excellent.
16:25Thank you, team.
16:27Thank you, everyone.
16:28Go team!
16:29APPLAUSE
16:30Before the beat he started, I wrote down, not to be negative,
16:34but I predict Phil will be shit at this.
16:36LAUGHTER
16:37And then, within seconds, I just said,
16:41I don't like leaving him unattended.
16:44I don't.
16:46But he had a brilliant idea.
16:48Yeah.
16:49Just whip across, pour them in.
16:52Yeah.
16:53It was just a work of genius.
16:54Are you sure that was me?
16:55It was you, isn't it?
16:56I think so.
16:57I didn't see that coming as well.
16:58I didn't see that as a possible solution.
16:59Very frustrating.
17:00And by the end of the task, it was just a lovely family dynamic.
17:03Yeah.
17:04Dad did the washing up while the two kids talked about wee and poo.
17:08LAUGHTER
17:10I really feel like you're the father who left me
17:12and Sanjeev is the father who raised me.
17:14LAUGHTER
17:15HE CHUCKLES
17:18Really good.
17:19Both teams were great, but obviously the team of three...
17:22Yeah.
17:23...knocked it out of the park.
17:25Although, I would say nearly all of them were fantastic.
17:28Oh, for...
17:29Oh...
17:30What?
17:31Well, I couldn't help but notice...
17:33Oh, don't do this.
17:35This.
17:36What?
17:37Um...
17:38Straw, straw.
17:39There must be a straw here.
17:41Oh!
17:42Suddenly, this daddy's looking a bit more attractive, isn't he?
17:55LAUGHTER
17:56Oh, my God!
17:58Was it just me?
17:59Oh, just you, yeah.
18:00No-one else opened the door, Sanjeev.
18:01Oh, nice.
18:02Yeah.
18:03I told you to watch him.
18:04You know he doesn't know what's going on half the time.
18:06LAUGHTER
18:07So, what happens now?
18:08He's disqualified, I'm afraid.
18:10All of us?
18:11A team of three, yeah.
18:13Oh...
18:14Yes, Rhys!
18:15Yes.
18:16It's a tragedy, yeah, and it's really unfortunate,
18:19but accidents happen, and that's the nature of the team task.
18:22Sanjeev doesn't look that bothered.
18:24LAUGHTER
18:26Couldn't give a shit!
18:28LAUGHTER
18:29You're not an OBE, some of us need this.
18:32LAUGHTER
18:33This is going to go on my gravestone.
18:35LAUGHTER
18:36There you go.
18:37So, the scores are zero for the team of three,
18:38and five for the team of two.
18:39I'm afraid so.
18:40Well done, Maisie.
18:41What happened to you?
18:42Sorry.
18:43Sorry.
18:44Can't we help the scoreboard, please?
18:46Yes, well, in terms of the series,
18:48there's only one point separating the top two players.
18:51Oh!
18:52And all five are still fairly close.
18:54It's exciting.
18:55Oh!
18:56In this episode, Maisie's in the league with ten!
18:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
19:02Right.
19:03Next, it's time to make this final suck.
19:07In a good way.
19:08LAUGHTER
19:23Hello.
19:24Maisie.
19:25Great to see you.
19:26Nice to see you.
19:27We get on well, don't we?
19:28For legal reasons.
19:30Yes.
19:31Oh!
19:32Oh!
19:33Why haven't I got an envelope with some wax on it?
19:36Run out.
19:37Right.
19:38Drink almost all the apple juice.
19:40You must not touch the cup, and the cup must not move.
19:44Fastest wins, your time starts now.
19:47Pythagoras, hands off.
19:48Pythagoras, hands off.
19:49That's a clue.
19:50Now, if my geography serves me correctly, Pythagoras is a pretty cool island, very rich in iron ore.
19:59I think we're going to smash it.
20:02APPLAUSE
20:04Well, I mean, I won't pretend that I got it, but it's a clue, right? The mug is a clue.
20:13Hmm, yes, the Pythagoras mug.
20:15First up, to slurp nearly all the apple juice, it's my favourite musical artists, Enya and Jay-Z. Here we go.
20:23Well, I don't think I should lick it up like a cat.
20:29I need a straw, essentially.
20:32I can move.
20:33Is there a straw anywhere?
20:36Oh.
20:37Underneath, there's a straw in there.
20:40Is that a straw under there?
20:42I've not looked.
20:43Yeah.
20:44Yeah.
20:45Oh.
20:46Kill.
20:47Kill.
20:48I can't do it.
20:49Oh.
20:50Oh.
20:51Oh.
20:52I've got apple in me here.
20:53Oh.
20:54Oh, it's really in there.
20:56Oh.
20:57Oh.
20:58Oh, it's really in there.
20:59Oh.
21:00Oh.
21:01Oh.
21:02Oh.
21:03Oh.
21:04Oh.
21:05Oh.
21:06Oh.
21:07Oh.
21:08Oh.
21:09Oh.
21:10Oh.
21:11Oh.
21:12Oh.
21:13Oh.
21:14Oh.
21:15Oh.
21:16Oh.
21:17Oh.
21:18Oh.
21:19Oh.
21:20Oh.
21:21Oh.
21:22Oh.
21:23It's gone.
21:24Oh, it's still there.
21:25I don't think you've drunk almost all of it yet.
21:27Oh, you want me to slick it out of the glitter tray?
21:29This is degrading now.
21:31Oh.
21:32Oh.
21:33Oh.
21:34Oh.
21:35Oh.
21:36Oh.
21:37Oh.
21:38Oh.
21:39Oh.
21:40Oh.
21:41Oh.
21:42Oh.
21:43Oh.
21:44Oh.
21:45Oh.
21:46Oh.
21:47Oh.
21:48That does look like I'm drinking cat littered.
21:49Weird.
21:50Oh.
21:51Stop the clock.
21:54Bostit.
21:56Bit in the ear but no problem.
21:58Most of it in the mouth.
21:59Yeah.
22:00Oh.
22:01Oh yeah.
22:02Oh, yeah.
22:04Listen to that.
22:09You know, not a lot of dignity there, but they seem fast.
22:13They didn't really use the Pythagoras clue.
22:15Well, look, it's a confusing task, there's no doubt about that.
22:18What that thing is, is a special Pythagoras cup.
22:21If you fill it over a certain level, it suddenly siphons down,
22:23and if you suck from the bottom, it suddenly plunges forth.
22:26But you lapped it up like cats.
22:28I wonder if Phil's going to make this easy.
22:30OK, now, as advised by several professional people,
22:33we have put Phil all by himself. Here we go.
22:36Oh, God.
22:37Right, so that's not a cup.
22:38That is a cup.
22:41I think that's apple juice. OK.
22:43I haven't got any sense of smell.
22:44I got hit by a football when I was nine.
22:50What's this? Why is that there?
22:55That's nothing! That was a mislead!
22:57I don't think... I don't think I'm missing something.
23:00Can I leave the room?
23:01All the information's on the table.
23:03Fastest wins in town, sir.
23:04Oh, I could have just left the room.
23:05OK. What are you going to get?
23:07Well, weirdly, I was thinking tissue,
23:09and then soak it up and squirt it in my mouth,
23:10but maybe just a straw.
23:12Well, look, the clock's ticking.
23:15Is there any straws?
23:16Why is there never anything you need?
23:22I'm certainly smashed this.
23:23I panicked.
23:25Don't know why I've got the funnel.
23:26What is that?
23:27This looks like it's used to...
23:28..give a...
23:29..give a cow a child.
23:31I've never seen it before.
23:35Oh.
23:35LAUGHTER
23:36Almost all, that's almost.
23:44What do you have to do with him?
23:45Have you finished?
23:47Almost.
23:48I've stuck the clock.
23:49Well done, Phil.
23:50APPLAUSE
23:51I start watching a deleted scene from Oliver sometimes.
23:58LAUGHTER
23:59Just this urchin, looking round the posh house,
24:01not understanding anything.
24:02LAUGHTER
24:03I've had so many insights over the last few weeks
24:05into your childhood.
24:06You can't smell because you've got hit in the head
24:08by a football.
24:09Yeah.
24:10Can you not smell at all?
24:11No.
24:12OK.
24:13Although I smell five points a foot.
24:15LAUGHTER
24:17Did he get it down him, the juice?
24:19Yes, he drank nearly all of it.
24:20The time so far.
24:21Anya, 1 minute 39.
24:22Maisie, 2 minutes 13.
24:23Phil, 14 minutes 55.
24:25LAUGHTER
24:27OK, that's halfway through this grand final.
24:31Be brave.
24:32Be strong.
24:33Be...
24:34..cooool.
24:36LAUGHTER
24:37APPLAUSE
24:38Hello!
24:39Oh, hello, everyone!
24:41APPLAUSE
24:42Welcome to the third part of our final,
24:42and a task involving the consumption of apple juice.
24:44Ooh, yeah.
24:46Big time, seriously.
24:47And we end with two goliaths from the world of celebrity juice
24:50drinking Rhys and Sanjeev.
24:52OK, so, well, the theory of type Pythagoras, I think,
24:54is something about displacement, isn't it?
24:55If I pour water into there, more diluted apple juice will pour out
24:59and I can start trying to drink it.
25:00OK.
25:01OK.
25:02OK.
25:03It...
25:04OK.
25:05Ugh.
25:06So, well, the theory of Pythagoras, I think, is something about displacement, isn't it?
25:11If I pour water into there, more diluted apple juice will pour out, and I can start
25:18trying to drink it.
25:23It's gone.
25:36Have you drunk almost all of it?
25:43Almost all, but there's a bit left.
25:45I've stopped the clock.
25:46I guess I didn't need to do the thing of leaning under it and supping from the fountain, did
25:51I?
25:52Yes.
25:53But I did.
25:54There you go.
25:55Is that almost all?
25:56It's almost all.
25:57Do you know what to do?
25:58Yes.
25:59Yes.
26:00Yes.
26:01Yes.
26:02Yes.
26:03Yes.
26:04Yes.
26:05Yes.
26:06Yes.
26:07Yes.
26:08Yes.
26:09Yes.
26:10Yes.
26:11Yes.
26:12Yes.
26:13Yes.
26:14Yes.
26:15Yes.
26:16Yes.
26:17Yes.
26:18Yes.
26:19Yes.
26:20Yes.
26:21Yes.
26:22Yes.
26:23Yes.
26:24Yes.
26:25Yes.
26:26Yes.
26:27Yes.
26:28Yes.
26:29Yes.
26:30Yes.
26:31Yes.
26:32Yes.
26:33Yes.
26:34Yes.
26:35Yes.
26:36Yes.
26:37Yes.
26:38Yes.
26:39Yes.
26:40Yes.
26:41Yes.
26:42Yes.
26:43Yes.
26:44Yes.
26:45Yes.
26:46Yes.
26:47Yes.
26:48Yes.
26:49Yes.
26:50Yes.
26:51Yes.
26:52Yes.
26:53Yes.
26:54Yes.
26:55Yes.
26:56Yes.
26:57Yes.
26:58Yes.
26:59Yes.
27:00Yes.
27:01Yes.
27:02You must be more excited about this victory than...
27:05No, I don't know if I've opened a bloody cupboard door yet.
27:11I'll tell you now, you're safe.
27:12Have I? Yeah.
27:14I'm still feeling bad about the cupboard door for these guys.
27:17Rhys, again, knew about displacement.
27:20Yeah. And then, as soon as the stream started, complete breakdown.
27:24Yeah.
27:25I just went straight mouth to stream and was...
27:28I really enjoyed it, though.
27:30Yeah.
27:31That was slightly... The robot malfunctioned.
27:34Exactly. I was just glad that I did think to drink it from the bowl.
27:37So good.
27:38Well, we know who's won.
27:39So, Phil, yes, one point, you were 15 minutes, almost.
27:42Maisie, two minutes, 13.
27:44Rhys, you were two minutes, 10.
27:45Just three seconds quicker than Maisie.
27:47Oh, Rhys.
27:48Anya, we know, one minute, 39.
27:49Sanjeev, 45 seconds.
27:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
27:56Doctor Displacement has struck.
27:58Bye!
27:59I can barely bring myself to ask, but please...
28:06May we have the last task?
28:08It's sad, but it's also exciting because...
28:10And get ready, this one involves the word whence.
28:14Whites.
28:16Ooh.
28:17You like that?
28:31Yeah.
28:32It's just floating there.
28:34Yes.
28:35What?
28:36Oh, this is good.
28:41Make water squirt out of you in a surprising way.
28:46In 15 minutes, Alex will guess whence the water will squirt.
28:52Whence.
28:53Whence.
28:54I think I know what whence means, but I'm not sure.
28:57For every incorrect guess, you may squirt him for one second at the end of the task.
29:03Longest time squirting, Alex wins.
29:06That shouldn't even be a sentence.
29:09Your time starts now.
29:11Magic.
29:12What's going on with you?
29:13Ever since you've got your new laptop, it's all...
29:15It's so fast.
29:16It's all weird, sexy stuff, isn't it?
29:17I've seen so much recently.
29:18All right, let's see Alex using a show to get his kicks.
29:35Yes, please, we're starting with Anya's pipes and Rhys' pieces.
29:49I can see pipes, I can see tubes.
29:52I'm going to make my first guess.
29:55And the water is going to come out of the chest tube.
29:59Wrong?
30:00That's one second of squirting.
30:03Do you enjoy a chest tube?
30:05Yes.
30:17How are you doing?
30:18I'm all right.
30:19How are you doing?
30:20I'm good, yeah.
30:21I think the water is going to squirt out of the mouth tube.
30:25OK.
30:26Rhys?
30:27Yeah?
30:28Are you going to squirt me from your nose?
30:31No.
30:32Out of the elbow pipe?
30:33No.
30:34Out of the elbow pipe?
30:35No.
30:36Are you going to squirt me from your groin?
30:39Well, let's see, shall we?
30:42No?
30:43Nothing coming?
30:44Nothing?
30:45Actually, it was a bit, but no.
30:47I'm going with right trouser leg tube, please.
30:51Negative.
30:52I can't help but notice there is a hose going out of this and over there.
30:56Yes.
30:57You know what?
30:58I'm going to follow the hose.
30:59OK, yeah.
31:00I've got to follow the hose.
31:01Follow the hose.
31:02It goes in there.
31:03It goes up.
31:04It goes...
31:05I'm not sure you can dismantle me.
31:10Put that back in.
31:11That might be part of something.
31:14Right, so the hose is a red herring.
31:17Well, it could be.
31:19Well, it is.
31:20I've just pulled it out.
31:21This is good.
31:22The table is upturned.
31:24I'll give you all the information.
31:26The time has started.
31:30I'm going round the back.
31:32There's still some more on the front that you haven't seen, even.
31:35I am going round the back.
31:37OK.
31:40Ah, yeah.
31:41Hello.
31:43Anya, is the water going to squirt out of the back of your head?
31:46Yes.
31:47Well, it's going to do that for eight seconds.
31:49Yeah.
31:50So, well done you.
31:52Is it going to come out of your foot?
31:54You've got it.
31:59Yeah.
32:00Thank you very much.
32:05Another terrifying character.
32:07Yes.
32:08To add.
32:09Well, it was all about the ruses and the pipes that led to nothing.
32:13Yeah.
32:14That was what you had to say.
32:15And yet, for the vast majority of it, I just couldn't take my eyes off the nose.
32:19It was quite dominant, wasn't it?
32:20Yeah.
32:21How many seconds of squirting did he gain himself?
32:24It took 14 guesses to find the tube and eight guesses, of course, with Anya after I asked permission to go round the back.
32:31Yes.
32:33Making something that wasn't creepy so creepy.
32:37Who's next?
32:38It's now time for the cheesy guys.
32:39Phil, Adelphia, Ellis and Maisie Edam.
32:50Oh.
32:51Hello.
32:53I see.
32:57Well, let's start with this guy.
33:00What's that one? The, er...
33:01Little yellow thigh one.
33:02Yellow thigh?
33:03Mm-hmm.
33:04No.
33:09Hi.
33:10Hi, Phil.
33:11You all right?
33:12It's funny when you walk into a situation.
33:14I like it.
33:15Mmm, I don't.
33:16Quite a lot of, er, ends of hoses.
33:19Well, you never know, do you?
33:21You never know with a hose.
33:23It looks like that's where it goes, the hose.
33:26The hose goes where my rosemary grows.
33:29Is that where your rosemary grows?
33:31Yeah, it tastes wrang.
33:33Head tube.
33:34Beat the head tube.
33:37No dice, baby!
33:41Let's go for a fish.
33:42A fish?
33:43This fish.
33:44My sternum fish?
33:45Mm-hmm.
33:46No.
33:47Penguin.
33:48On the head?
33:49Yes.
33:50No.
33:51Right shoulder.
33:52Wrong shoulder, baby!
33:53Er, this one.
33:54That's another guess.
33:55I'm just going to check round the back.
33:57Oh, dear.
33:58Oh, dear.
33:59Oh, dear.
34:00I'd like to put my hand in there.
34:01I'd like you to.
34:02Right wrist.
34:03No.
34:04Left wrist.
34:05No.
34:06Can I have Adele?
34:07It's a welcome mat.
34:08Crack on.
34:09I just want to see if it's going up or down.
34:10I don't know if you're allowed.
34:11That was my penis.
34:13Right elbow.
34:14No.
34:15Left elbow.
34:16No.
34:17Racking them seconds up, Alex.
34:1825, 39, 40, 41, 28, 29.
34:22I mean, I can see that some of these aren't going anywhere.
34:2530, 31, 32, 33, 34.
34:28Quick trip round the back.
34:33Hi.
34:35Maybe, are you going to squirt me out of your arse?
34:36Yeah.
34:37OK.
34:3821 seconds of squirting out of your arse.
34:3921 seconds.
34:40Yeah.
34:41I can see a crease in your left boot.
34:42Oh, well, I hope we've got a winner.
34:43So.
34:4445 seconds.
34:4545 seconds.
34:4645 seconds.
34:47I don't think I feel comfortable wasting that much water.
34:48APPLAUSE
34:49There's been a few tasks in this series where Maisie looked incredibly pleased with herself
35:09and smug and it has always ended in disaster.
35:14But that time, well deserved.
35:17Yeah.
35:18Pleased with herself throughout.
35:19And then delighted that she's going to squirt you from her arse.
35:24And as for the porcupine poet of squirting, a similar tactic to cover himself in stuff.
35:33And some lovely messages for the kids there.
35:36Are you going to put your hand in there?
35:38I'd like to.
35:39I'd like you to.
35:40That's consent.
35:41LAUGHTER
35:46Just one more small part left.
35:48Who will squirt Alex for the longest?
35:50Who will win the trophy?
35:52And who will take home the last?
35:53And I imagine the strongest of Sanjeev's urine samples.
35:59Stay tuned.
36:08Hello!
36:09We are, then, the last part of our final and our 20th adventure together, my little friend.
36:21We got it together, didn't we, mate?
36:22We got it together.
36:23Finally.
36:24Here we go, then, just one more person for me to guess from whence the water will come.
36:38And it is Sanjeev Bhaskar like you've never seen him before.
36:42Hi, Sanjeev.
36:43OK.
36:44Sanjeev, my first guess, are you going to squirt me from your mouth?
36:48Are you going to squirt me out of your eyes?
36:49Are you going to squirt me out of your bosoms?
36:50From your tummy?
36:51Can I see your hands?
36:52Right, well...
36:53OK.
36:54So, you've got lots of water balloons strapped to your chest.
36:58OK.
36:59Sanjeev, my first guess, are you going to squirt me from your mouth?
37:05Are you going to squirt me out of your eyes?
37:10Are you going to squirt me out of your bosoms?
37:13From your tummy?
37:15Can I see your hands?
37:17Right, well...
37:18OK.
37:19So, you've got lots of water balloons strapped to your chest.
37:22Are you going to squirt me from your chest area?
37:25From your legs?
37:27From your behind?
37:29Armpits?
37:30Flanks?
37:31Flanks?
37:32Flanks?
37:34Flanks?
37:36No.
37:37Would you mind opening up a little bit more for me?
37:43Right.
37:44Are you going to squirt me from your crotch?
37:50Feet?
37:51Ears?
37:52Hands?
37:53Knees?
37:54Neck?
37:55Shins?
37:56Nape?
37:57From your hips?
37:58Top of the head?
37:59Lower back?
38:00Shoulders?
38:01Tummy button?
38:02Nostrils?
38:03Forehead?
38:04That is all of you.
38:05Are you going to squirt me?
38:06From your body?
38:07From here to here?
38:08From this side of you?
38:09Right.
38:10OK.
38:11Elbow?
38:12You're going to squirt me from your elbow?
38:13Whoo!
38:14OK.
38:15You're...
38:16Oh!
38:17Flanks?
38:18Flanks?
38:19I would add another 20 minutes onto that from your sheer desperation.
38:24Another character that will endure, I'm sure, who was that man of mystery?
38:42Flanks?
38:43You were so upset by me suggesting flanks.
38:45I just think generally they're irritated by you this series.
38:48Yeah.
38:49You're the standard chance.
38:50Yeah, there were 29 guesses, so it's another nearly half a minute of squirting I'm going
38:55to have in a second.
38:56Points-wise, Anya, just the one point.
38:57It's two to Reece with his 14 questions, three to Maisie, four to Sanjeev, but Phil with
39:02his 45 questions.
39:03Five points!
39:04Here they are, then.
39:05Your classes.
39:06Series 20.
39:07Simply squirting.
39:08Water on, please!
39:09BUZZER
39:11BUZZER
39:12Squirt.
39:13verbessers.
39:14Series 20...
39:15...Simply squirting.
39:17Water on, please.
39:19BUZZER
39:20BUZZER
39:21LAUGHTER
39:32Squirt.
39:36cos nod
39:41Ian
39:42This is the best son of Hadiyah
39:55Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, and ten
40:12Seem to be aiming for the face. I'm trying to open my eyes to look at my...
40:21No, you're not allowed.
40:2330 seconds left.
40:28I'm happy with that.
40:30Thank you very much, Sanjeev. Thank you for squirting me for 29 seconds.
40:34Triumph.
40:37Did you piss yourself?
40:39I didn't piss myself. I don't know.
40:41I'm 46.
40:44Finally! It's another one off the bucket list.
40:46Now all I'm going to do is marry a swan.
40:50And England!
40:56It's difficult today who enjoyed it the most, doesn't it, really?
40:59All my dreams came true.
41:01The targeted crotch squirt from Rhys was good.
41:05But facially, the person who enjoyed it most was you.
41:09Looked like a 12-year-old.
41:15She was so accurate.
41:17All so great.
41:18So satisfied.
41:20Series-wise, there is still just one point in it at the top.
41:23What?!
41:25OK, everyone, I'm afraid it's time for you all to make your way to the stage
41:30for the final task of the series!
41:32APPLAUSE
41:37What a lovely collection of final pirates.
41:41Who's going to read the task out?
41:42I think Rhys is going to read the final task.
41:44A correspondence.
41:46LAUGHTER
41:49Respond to the taskmaster correctly.
41:52When he says wibble, you say bibble.
41:55When he says bibble, you say bam.
41:58When he says bam, you say wibble, bibble, bam.
42:02If you dither or err, you are eliminated.
42:05Last player standing wins.
42:09LAUGHTER
42:10So Greg will look at one of you and that's who he's talking to.
42:14You must respond correctly and quickly.
42:16If there's too much of a pause, you will be eliminated.
42:19If you make a mistake, you're out,
42:20you have to sit on the elimination bench over there.
42:22Wibble, bam.
42:23I will blow the whistle if there's a mistake.
42:24Wibble, bibble, bam.
42:26Here we go.
42:27Wibble.
42:28Bibble.
42:30Bibble.
42:31Bam.
42:33Bam.
42:34Wibble, bibble, bam.
42:35Wibble.
42:36Bam.
42:38Fuck!
42:40LAUGHTER
42:42It's always bibble after wibble.
42:44Now there are four.
42:47Wibble.
42:48Bibble.
42:49Bam.
42:50Wibble, bibble, bam.
42:51Bam.
42:52Bibble, bam.
42:53Bibble.
42:54Bam.
42:55Wibble.
42:56Bibble.
42:57Bam.
42:58Wibble, bibble, bam.
42:59Bibble.
43:00Bam.
43:01Wibble.
43:02Bibble.
43:03Bam.
43:04Wibble, bibble, bam.
43:05Bibble.
43:06B-bam.
43:07LAUGHTER
43:08APPLAUSE
43:14What a terrible day for feminism.
43:18Silence!
43:19Wenches on the benches.
43:22Are you ready?
43:23Yeah.
43:24Bam.
43:25Wibble, bibble, bam.
43:26Bibble.
43:27Bam.
43:28Bibble.
43:29Bam.
43:30Bam.
43:31Wibble, bibble, bam.
43:32Bibble.
43:33Wibble.
43:34Wait a second.
43:35We've lost Rhys.
43:36You said wibble.
43:37That's all right, surely.
43:38Holy God.
43:39I protest your magnification!
43:40APPLAUSE
43:41This is the final.
43:43Here we go.
43:44Bam.
43:45Wibble, bibble, bam.
43:46Bibble.
43:47Bam.
43:48Wibble.
43:49Wibble.
43:50Wibble.
43:51B-bam.
43:52Wibble, bibble, bam.
43:53Bibble, bam.
43:54Bibble.
43:55Bam.
43:56Bam.
43:57Wibble, bibble, bam.
43:58Wibble.
43:59Bibble.
44:00Bam.
44:01Wibble, bibble, bam.
44:02Bam.
44:03Wibble, bibble, bam.
44:04Bibble.
44:05Wibble.
44:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:12You soft-haired lovely. Congratulations.
44:15We'll add that to the final scores. Come down and join me!
44:24What a climax to the series.
44:27I was genuinely shaking afterwards.
44:29Well done. Five points, of course, to Phil Ellis.
44:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:34And so, we'll deal with the episode first, I imagine.
44:37Of course. It means that in joint second, with 16 points,
44:40it's Rhys and Sanjee!
44:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:44We're the winner.
44:46With 17 points, it's Maisie Adam!
44:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:52Maisie Adam wins the episode!
44:54Please show up to the stage to be triumphant, will you, Duke?
44:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:04Hello, my friends.
45:09The crowning of a new Taskmaster Champion is a historic event,
45:14which we celebrate just twice a year.
45:16That's right, quite often.
45:18But it remains of great significance.
45:21And so, now, I call upon my administrator, Alex.
45:24Mm.
45:25Just how close was this?
45:26I must tell you that in fifth place,
45:28but just a handful of points away from the others,
45:31one of my all-time heroes, it's Sanjeev Bhaskar,
45:34with 145 points!
45:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:38Just five points ahead of Sanjeev, with 148 points.
45:43Another of my heroes, it's Rhys Shearsmith!
45:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:48And only a few points above that, with 151 points.
45:52It's Phil Ellis!
45:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:57And Maisie Adam!
45:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:01It's never happened before.
46:14It is a series tie-break.
46:17A three-way.
46:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:21Yes, it's the most important tie-break in the world.
46:24LAUGHTER
46:25We want you to think back and tell us
46:28how many letter T's are there
46:31in the portrait of me and Greg in the living room.
46:34Oh. Are you fucking joking?
46:35Come on, Marley.
46:36LAUGHTER
46:37Closest wins.
46:38You're going to have some cards to write down your answers.
46:40What do you mean, T's?
46:41The letter T.
46:43It's actually written down?
46:45There were letter T's on the picture
46:47the whole time you were there.
46:48They were hidden within the painting.
46:50And what, er, roughly how many is it?
46:52LAUGHTER
46:53Write down a number, nice and clear,
46:55and then keep it to yourself.
46:58APPLAUSE
47:00Philip, how many T's were hidden in the painting?
47:03Ten.
47:04Maisie?
47:05Five.
47:06Anya?
47:07Sixteen.
47:08Here is the picture.
47:09You can see a T here.
47:10Here.
47:11Here, on my dungarees.
47:13Oh!
47:14Here, on the doorbell.
47:16And that is all the T's are a four T's.
47:18We have a winner!
47:19Oh, yeah!
47:20Oh, wow!
47:22The new Taskmaster champion
47:25is Maisie Adam!
47:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:27AND APPLAUSE
47:28AND APPLAUSE
47:29KERS
47:35AND APPLAUSE
47:37AND APPLAUSE
47:38ORCHESTRA PLAYS
47:39MAN
47:43ORCHESTRA PLAYS
Be the first to comment
Add your comment