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00:00I hope, though, tonight won't be a particularly long recording
00:03because I've got to get back to Wandsworth...
00:07..before lights out.
00:30Good evening. Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
00:49I'm Katherine Ryan. In the news this week...
00:52As the party leaders rush to respond to Rachel Reeves' pre-budget speech,
00:56Ed Davey provides a typically nuanced response.
01:00Following a raft of complaints, Deliveroo launches a new service
01:05to ensure its food stays hot.
01:13And one audiobook artist puts the finishing touches
01:16on his reading of bedtime stories for Insomniacs.
01:26On Ian's team tonight is a political journalist
01:29who left the BBC after complaining of a right-wing witch-hunt against him.
01:33Well, we're honoured to welcome back
01:35weaselly left-wing snowflake Lewis Goodall.
01:38On Paul's team tonight is a comedian who recently appeared on the panel show
01:48Have I Got Sport For You, which is basically like Have I Got News For You,
01:52but about sport, and running for just 625 fewer episodes.
01:56Please welcome Maisie Adams.
01:59We begin with the bigger news stories of the week.
02:06Ian and Lewis, here's yours.
02:08That's three more they've let out.
02:11Yes, yes, it's a problem, isn't it, keeping them in.
02:14Oh, and there we go. Off they go. Bye-bye.
02:16That's Wandsworth.
02:18The government is fulfilling its promise and pledge
02:20to keep prison numbers as low as possible,
02:22which they're doing by releasing people entirely at random.
02:26There are a number of complaints, because last week I said
02:28that human error was one thing, but if you're in the prison service
02:31you're meant to look after people, and various viewers said,
02:33this is pathetic, it's a one-off, it won't happen again.
02:35Hello.
02:37Lammy is Justice Minister.
02:39And the Deputy Prime Minister, same person.
02:41Yeah, the Deputy Prime Minister blamed the Justice Minister.
02:43The Justice Minister, oh, I'm not having that,
02:45and he blamed the Deputy Prime Minister.
02:47And only one has decided to go back in.
02:49Presumably because the Wi-Fi is actually better in prison this week.
02:51It doesn't matter.
02:53There are a number of complaints, because last week I said that
02:55human error was one thing, but if you're in the prison service
02:57you're meant to look after people, and various viewers said,
02:59the Wi-Fi is actually better in prison this week.
03:01Apparently he went home to see his partner.
03:04I'm not saying it was a conjugal visit, but look at this.
03:07Shortly after heading into Wandsworth this morning,
03:10Billy Smith came back out.
03:12He picked a final cigarette.
03:16No doubt GB News will be as quick to pounce on this
03:19as they were with the last mistake in release.
03:21Here's Lee Anderson and chums discussing it on GB News last week.
03:25He's been deported, been sent back to us once he came and Chloe,
03:28and we've actually bombed him 500 quid for the pleasure.
03:31Is that acceptable?
03:33Absolutely not.
03:37What an...
03:38It's like the world's worst stag do.
03:43I feel sorry for that poor bloke there who seems to be
03:45contemplating his last hours on earth.
03:47What other release did Labour fumble this week?
03:51Oh, is this Rachel Reeves talking about the pre-budget speech?
03:55The pre-budge, yeah.
03:56Mm.
03:57The pre-budge?
03:58Is that what it's known about?
03:59The kids are calling it the pre-budge.
04:00Pre-budge.
04:01I like that.
04:02Is it like the pre-lash?
04:03Yeah.
04:04But in the old days, nobody said anything.
04:07There was purdah before the budging.
04:09So you didn't have to worry about it.
04:11And on budget day, it was a surprise.
04:13So there never used to be a pre-budge?
04:15There was no pre-budge.
04:16No pre-budge.
04:17You just went straight in with the budge.
04:19Yeah.
04:20Then you had the after-budge, which was a riot.
04:22Oh, yeah.
04:23But what happens at the after-budge stays at the after-budge.
04:25Well, no offence, Ian and Lewis, but I think we should hear from the country's top political
04:32commentator on Rachel Reeves' speech.
04:34So let's have a look at that.
04:35What's the point of that?
04:36What's the point of that?
04:37What's the point of that?
04:38What was the point of that?
04:39Really, what was the point of that?
04:41Like you said, it was long and she, in the end, won't answer any questions about what
04:46she's going to tell us at the end of November anyway.
04:48It's just...
04:49That was bonkers.
04:50Wasn't it?
04:51It was crazy.
04:52It's crazy.
04:55Well, hang on.
04:56Lorraine Kelly has a whole show where she just chats about, in the politest way possible,
05:02nothing really.
05:03She's going, what was the point of that?
05:08Now throwing to a cat fashion show.
05:11Well, we didn't get any actual policies revealed, so what was the point of all that?
05:16Well, she wanted to make very clear that all of the bad things that she's going to do,
05:21are all as a result of things that have happened very recently.
05:25Yes.
05:26Um, like the Ukraine War, um, Brexit.
05:29Yes.
05:30I think the Korean War got in there a little bit.
05:33It's not her fault, as you said, and she was there to reassure the public,
05:37and this was her reassurance face.
05:40Oh.
05:41And the Sun provided a helpful list of things Rachel Reeves has blamed the economic situation
05:46on.
05:47Let's please have a rundown of the charts.
05:50So there's no change at one and two with Liz Truss and Quasi Quarteng.
05:54New, in at three, it's Rishi Sunak's Black Hole.
05:57Making up the top six, it's Donald Trump, supply chains, and the global markets.
06:00And there's a surprise new entry at seven for Vladimir Putin.
06:03No change at eight for Keir Starmer.
06:05New in at nine, it's Big Bad Pad McFadden.
06:07Next, we have unreliable trains, slow broadband, George Osborne, David Cameron, COVID.
06:11And finally, staying at the top 15 for a record 78 weeks is Brexit.
06:16Yes.
06:21I don't want to usurp your role, but, I mean, it's all true.
06:24It's just that after a while, when you're in government,
06:27you have to accept some responsibility.
06:29What disaster is Rachel Reeves in danger of being compared to?
06:33Ooh.
06:34It's Liz Truss, isn't it?
06:35Mmm.
06:36I mean, it's either that or the Titanic.
06:38There are only two major disasters in history that you get compared to.
06:42I would love to see a Liz Truss film with a soundtrack by Celine Dion.
06:48What with her and Quasi Quarteng on the bow.
06:53Head for that iceberg!
06:58Iceberg lettuce.
07:01I know, I know, it's that kind of show.
07:03But...
07:09On the subject of great ideas, what's Education Secretary Bridget Philipson got?
07:11She's got some ideas for changing the curriculum.
07:13Mm-hm.
07:14Including an idea about teaching children how to identify fake news
07:17and not be influenced, and that strikes me as quite a good idea.
07:20How are they going to do it?
07:21Are they going to show two different videos and you've got to spot the...?
07:24Yeah.
07:25There'll be a picture of Donald Trump in an aeroplane dumping manure on protesters.
07:29Yeah.
07:30And you'll be asked, is that real?
07:32Yes.
07:33And the answer is, yes.
07:36That's right.
07:37Education Secretary Bridget Phillipson's got ideas to shake up education.
07:41Here she is talking about it on Radio 4.
07:43Listen for the unusual branch of science that she mentions.
07:47The big change that we're bringing is, yes, a focus on the core academic standards
07:52that are incredibly important, reading, writing, maths, and more on science.
08:01I did that for O-Level.
08:04That's quite an unusual exam because if he fell, that's a pass.
08:08Ian, this is something you know all about.
08:10What is the good financial news this week?
08:13Oh, Alan Bates, Sir Alan Bates, has been given his compensation.
08:18Finally, and he's agreed it.
08:19Boom!
08:22And with any luck, this will set the pattern for all the other people to be compensated.
08:27So, it's a win.
08:29And, um, I hope there's a sequel to the drama.
08:32Yeah.
08:33Which is set in the pub afterwards.
08:36What's Kami Bader-Knox celebrating?
08:39Um...
08:40Oh, one year.
08:41One year.
08:41Oh, yeah.
08:42She's celebrating that from now on, rebel backbenchers can put in letters of no confidence.
08:47Yeah, she's done a year, but as Sky News pointed out, a grace period stopping MPs
08:51from submitting letters of no competence in her...
08:54Competence.
08:54LAUGHTER
08:55That's brilliant.
08:57A Freudian slip, Catherine.
08:59APPLAUSE
08:59What has Nigel Farage abandoned this week?
09:06Promises to cut tax.
09:08Yes.
09:08Is it?
09:09Don't be surprised.
09:11It's in the news.
09:14I've been watching Traders.
09:17What is that?
09:17I wish the BBC would advertise.
09:19I have no idea it was on.
09:21I have no idea it was on.
09:22Is it Sir Anthony Blunt?
09:23LAUGHTER
09:24I mean, you've been preoccupied with doing something rather more positive recently.
09:30Yeah.
09:30She just had a baby.
09:31I did.
09:32I just have them in the...
09:34No, it's fine.
09:37But how long ago?
09:38Uh, two and a half weeks.
09:40I know, it's irresponsible.
09:42I'm a bad mum now.
09:43You were proud of me.
09:45Now you're upset.
09:46But she is here, in the corridor.
09:48LAUGHTER
09:49I know.
09:53I know.
09:54This is new, responsible Nigel.
09:56Mm-hmm.
09:56And in order to prove that he's ready to be in government, he's just U-turned on everything
10:02he's ever promised, which means he's now fit to government.
10:06Well, if I was Farage, I'd have responded to Rachel Reeve's speech by getting Andrea Jenkins
10:10to come out singing.
10:11Oh, yeah.
10:13I'm an insomniac.
10:15I'm an insomniac.
10:18Staring at the ceiling.
10:21Way up to the rich, y'all.
10:23Yes, I'm an insomniac.
10:25I'm an insomniac.
10:28And all I have to can hear is the sound of that clock, the sound of that clock, I'm an insomniac.
10:39Please tell me that's AI.
10:41Is that AI?
10:42Can that be in the test?
10:44No, it's not AI because there's no intelligence there.
10:46LAUGHTER
10:47Yes, this is the news of more failures in the government.
10:56Meanwhile, Kemi Baden-Ock marked her first year as Tory party leader this week by saying
11:00she had spent the last 12 months giving the country a serious alternative to labour.
11:05Yes, reform.
11:06Also this week, a French taxi driver was acquitted of stealing David Lammy's luggage.
11:13The row began after David Lammy didn't inform the driver he was an important political figure,
11:18mainly because he isn't.
11:20LAUGHTER
11:21Paul and Maisie, here's yours.
11:23Lots of litter, man picking up litter, or dropping litter, we can't figure it out from that bit.
11:28There's people picking up litter, they are definitely picking up litter.
11:31They're good people picking up litter.
11:33They're too big.
11:35They can't be living underground a size like that.
11:36Look at them.
11:37He's going, I found a fiver.
11:39I found a prisoner.
11:40Yeah.
11:41LAUGHTER
11:41There's been litter picking championships, right, Catherine?
11:45There's like a...
11:46And Britain has been a big-time player in the litter picking championships.
11:51We've got a lot of trash for a long, long time.
11:53Yeah.
11:53And I think we've dropped the ball, I think, this year.
11:57We've been ousted.
11:57We've been ousted, yeah.
11:59You're right, Maisie, this is the heartbreaking news that Great Britain has lost its title
12:03of world litter picking champions.
12:05I didn't know we were.
12:07We kept very quiet about that, didn't we?
12:08Yeah.
12:09Couldn't they have gone round handing leaflets to people telling them that?
12:11LAUGHTER
12:12Yeah, imagine if we got behind the litter picking championships the same way we did
12:18behind, say, football.
12:19Imagine if Box Park in Croydon, Wembley, is full of people chucking beer at each other
12:25the moment somebody finally picks up a plastic cup.
12:27Yeah.
12:28Yeah.
12:29It's whoever picks up the most wins.
12:31So at the World Cup in 2023, Great Britain's winning team collected a lot of scrap metal.
12:36It sounds riveting as a spectator.
12:38Oh, yeah.
12:39The World Litter Picking Championship has only been running for a couple of years,
12:43but they have already received an offer to host next year's event from a desperate Birmingham
12:48council.
12:48LAUGHTER
12:49Who could be doing the tidying up for us very soon?
12:55Robots.
12:55Yes.
12:56There's a new $20,000 robot that you can buy in America next year, and it's meant to do
13:01household chores, but it's not very good at them.
13:03Yes, this is the first commercially available domestic AI robot.
13:07Yeah.
13:07Why would you bother with the eyes if not to bother with a mouth?
13:12And he is too familiar with it.
13:14LAUGHTER
13:15Well, you see, it can't give evidence against him.
13:18LAUGHTER
13:19Apart from eye movements.
13:21LAUGHTER
13:22LAUGHTER
13:23Yeah, let's see it in action.
13:27And that took five minutes.
13:50LAUGHTER
13:51I thought you did that quite well.
13:53As the years go by, that's how I loaded this watching.
13:56Comedians like to think that robots can never replace them, because they just don't have
14:00a sense of humour, but you have to admit, this is pretty funny.
14:03So, if you can cook me the meal, I'm going to go out in here and play Fortnite, OK?
14:07LAUGHTER
14:09LAUGHTER
14:10LAUGHTER
14:11LAUGHTER
14:13LAUGHTER
14:15LAUGHTER
14:17LAUGHTER
14:18LAUGHTER
14:19LAUGHTER
14:20Oh, I didn't see them after me.
14:21You got to chill.
14:22LAUGHTER
14:23LAUGHTER
14:24LAUGHTER
14:25And you'd still be a better MasterChef host than Greg Wallace.
14:32LAUGHTER
14:33LAUGHTER
14:34First robot housekeeper is now on the market.
14:36The robot housekeeper takes two minutes to fold a shirt,
14:39has four hours battery life and cooking is currently beyond its capabilities.
14:43LAUGHTER
14:44Yeah, same.
14:45So...
14:46LAUGHTER
14:47I mean, why is the robot dressed as a French maid?
14:50Because men, Ian.
14:52LAUGHTER
14:53Yeah.
14:54He's always going to end up dressed like a French maid.
14:56LAUGHTER
14:57While we're on the subject, do you know who has been praised for their sartorial elegance
15:01this week?
15:03That man sneezing.
15:05LAUGHTER
15:07David Beckham.
15:08Oh, yes.
15:09Like David Beckham.
15:10Oh, yes.
15:11Very close.
15:12David Weckham.
15:13LAUGHTER
15:14It's Ian Hislop.
15:15Oh, yes.
15:16In an email sent to the...
15:17LAUGHTER
15:18What?
15:19In an email sent to the Have I Got News For You office,
15:22Carla Silsby writes...
15:24Sorry.
15:28Sorry.
15:29He always looks smart in every episode I watch.
15:31I know it's nice to be casual, but a good suit, clean shirt and nice tie
15:35really sets a man up and makes the difference.
15:38LAUGHTER
15:40CHEERING
15:41Ian!
15:42Hi!
15:43P.S.
15:44My husband leaves to work at half-hour stage in the morning.
15:46LAUGHTER
15:48I was going to say, my mother shouldn't write letters.
15:51LAUGHTER
15:52Well, who else has been complimented for their nice suit and tie this week?
15:56Is it Beckham?
15:57It's David Beckham.
15:58Yeah, his suit was very fancy, wasn't it?
16:01Made by his wife.
16:02Oh!
16:03David Beckham knighted by the king who complimented him on his suit.
16:07Beckham said that Charles had inspired quite a few of my looks over the years.
16:11I don't remember Charles doing this one.
16:14LAUGHTER
16:17That was Andrew, to be fair.
16:19LAUGHTER
16:20APPLAUSE
16:26He was meant not to get it, wasn't he?
16:28Because he'd been pitching for it and it was considered bad form to be desperate.
16:32That's exactly right.
16:33In 2013, when he did not get a knighthood, he emailed his PR saying,
16:37they're a bunch of cunts.
16:40I expected nothing less.
16:41Who decides on the honours?
16:42It's a disgrace, to be honest.
16:43And if I was American, I would have got something like this.
16:47Aw!
16:48It would have been nice and maybe, like, poetic if Charles had got his own back,
16:52just by, yeah, knighting him and then going, arise, you cunt.
16:56LAUGHTER
16:57Deny.
16:58I don't know that we are allowed to broadcast the c-words,
17:00but you did reference Victoria Beckham earlier and we'll allow that.
17:06Oh!
17:08Oh!
17:09Ryan!
17:10Ryan!
17:12I like her real...
17:14I didn't expect that reaction.
17:15I do have to clarify, David Beckham denies some of what is in these alleged emails.
17:20He says it's the work of Russian hackers.
17:22Some of the email.
17:24Some, yeah.
17:25So, like, when he says, would of got, not would have got.
17:28LAUGHTER
17:29That's Russian.
17:30APPLAUSE
17:31That's Russian.
17:32It's got a sort of Russian rhythm.
17:34Yeah.
17:35Would of got.
17:37LAUGHTER
17:39Apart from AI humanoids, what else should we not be worrying about?
17:43Meteorites here in the Earth?
17:45Yes!
17:46Really?
17:47Yes!
17:48Oh, I just made that up.
17:49LAUGHTER
17:50There's an object that's streaking through the solar system at 130,000 miles an hour
17:54that most scientists say is a comet, but Harvard astrophysics professor Avi Loeb
17:58says it might be an alien spacecraft sent to probe our solar system.
18:02Oh, blimey.
18:03Gosh.
18:04And it is called Atlas.
18:05Why does nearly every other astronomer think Atlas is a comet?
18:09It looks like a comet. It moves like a comet.
18:12If it's number plate, comet.
18:14LAUGHTER
18:15Paul, you've got it again.
18:16Astronomer Dr Mark Norris said, in terms of why we think it's a comet,
18:19it's because it looks and behaves.
18:21LAUGHTER
18:22APPLAUSE
18:23Either I'm cleverer than I thought or the world's getting more stupid.
18:28LAUGHTER
18:29How do you tell the difference between comets and asteroids?
18:31You can get ointment for asteroids.
18:33LAUGHTER
18:34Well...
18:35LAUGHTER
18:36Is this on?
18:37What's the difference between a comet and an asteroid?
18:40Well, a comet's sort of on fire a little bit, isn't it?
18:43Oh, is it?
18:44An asteroid is...
18:45An asteroid is more round.
18:46Is it their orbit?
18:47Yeah, in a...
18:48Actually in a gravitational...
18:49Yeah.
18:50Attracted by and therefore orbiting something,
18:52and an asteroid is potentially just hurtling through space.
18:54Isn't that what it is?
18:55Join us for another episode of Moron Science.
18:57LAUGHTER
18:58And so, to round two, the one-armed bandit of news.
19:05Fingers on buzzer's team.
19:06Mm.
19:13Oh, this is Zoran Mamdani.
19:15He's been elected mayor of New York City.
19:17Youngest ever mayor.
19:19And first ever Muslim mayor.
19:20Yes, absolutely.
19:21Yeah, that's exactly right.
19:22What was Mamdani's key to success?
19:24Young people come out and voted Democrat for the first time in a year.
19:27So, he's excited the electorate.
19:29And his big thing is taxing the super rich, right?
19:32And offering free buses.
19:34I think everyone thought he was going to fight the culture wars,
19:37and he didn't.
19:38Well...
19:39He said this is about the cost of living, and amazingly,
19:41if you do that, lots of people vote for you.
19:43Yeah, they were saying that, you know, Mamdani is so radical
19:45and he's got, you know, he's so charismatic,
19:47and that, you know, Starmer should try and do a little bit of the same.
19:50And it is kind of quite hard to imagine Starmer...
19:52To just do that.
19:53Well, he's sort of like a man who just believes in sort of incremental change,
19:56isn't it?
19:57It's like, what do we want? Incremental change.
19:58When do we want it when circumstances allow?
20:00You know, it's like...
20:01I thought that was AI for a minute, but...
20:04Maybe he is AI.
20:05Have you ever seen Kearse Starmer load a dishwasher?
20:08LAUGHTER
20:10Mamdani won more votes than the other candidates combined,
20:13so why were they so rubbish?
20:15Well, one had a little bit of a flaw in his candidacy.
20:18He'd already been Governor of New York,
20:19and he'd been involved in multiple sex scandals.
20:21Andrew Cuomo.
20:22He's had to change his name.
20:23He's now Prince Andrew Cuomo.
20:25LAUGHTER
20:26Before the election,
20:27what did Trump say he would do if Mamdani won?
20:30He said he'd cut off funding to New York.
20:32Yes.
20:33And then he'd send the troops in.
20:35And then he'd rename it as New Trump.
20:38LAUGHTER
20:39Yes.
20:40I've made some of that up.
20:42LAUGHTER
20:43No, not that much.
20:44What did we also learn in the 60-minute interview
20:46that Trump always carries with him?
20:48A piece of paper with various achievements,
20:50like, I've stopped eight wars written on it.
20:52Let's have a look.
20:53I mean, just a little list of...
20:55Look at this. Wars.
20:57President Trump wanted to make sure
20:59we saw the list of eight international conflicts
21:02he says he's been able to end since returning to office.
21:05I said, if you don't stop fighting,
21:07I'm putting tariffs on both of your countries
21:09and you're not going to be able to do business with the United States.
21:11Why isn't that working with Putin?
21:13Er...
21:21In other news, why is Donald Trump not happy with the BBC?
21:24Well, this is one for you, isn't it?
21:25Panorama.
21:26Panorama edited together a bit of Trump's speech
21:30that he made on January 6th before the Capitol Hill riots
21:33and people like Boris Johnson are arguing.
21:36Boris Johnson has complained the BBC is being dishonest,
21:38which is an interesting take for Boris Johnson.
21:40Which people who are advocates of Trump say
21:44is actually basically making it seem like he advocated violence that day.
21:48Here's what he actually said.
21:50We're going to walk down to the Capitol.
21:55And we're going to cheer on our brave senators
21:59and congressmen and women.
22:01And here's how Panorama edited it.
22:04We're going to walk down to the Capitol.
22:07And I'll be there with you.
22:09And we fight.
22:11We fight like hell.
22:13And if you don't fight like hell,
22:15you're not going to have a country anymore.
22:17Oh, no, that's different.
22:18Yeah!
22:19Yeah, that's pretty different, innit?
22:22Yeah.
22:23I was ready to fight.
22:25LAUGHTER
22:26It's allowed room for people to criticise them, hasn't it?
22:29Yeah.
22:30So, in a sense, it's stupid and it's clumsy to have done that.
22:33I mean, I'm not a fan of Donald Trump,
22:34but I feel like if he was clearly inciting violence,
22:36then there's no need to edit a clip that makes him more clearly look
22:39to be...
22:40I think that's a very sensible view.
22:41APPLAUSE
22:43My guess is that that bit will be edited,
22:46so it will be me saying,
22:48FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
22:50LAUGHTER
22:52Fingers on buzzers teams.
23:00Ian.
23:01There's a lion which was let loose,
23:03and it went into a pub.
23:05LAUGHTER
23:06And it ordered two pints of guineas.
23:08LAUGHTER
23:09It's actually the news of a lion on the loose
23:12in Ireland.
23:13Oh, good.
23:14How did the lion escape?
23:15Uh, did it go to Wandsworth Prison?
23:18LAUGHTER
23:19Not clear how,
23:20but a forest manager, John O'Reilly,
23:22was sent this footage by a colleague
23:24who caught the beast fleeing into the woodland.
23:29Oh, my God.
23:33The good news is that the animal has now been apprehended.
23:36It turns out the lion was just a Newfoundland dog
23:39called Mouse with a fresh haircut.
23:40LAUGHTER
23:41LAUGHTER
23:42Oh.
23:43Oh.
23:44No.
23:45You can see the similarity.
23:46Yeah.
23:47You used to have that haircut, didn't you, Maisie?
23:49Shut up!
23:50LAUGHTER
23:53Still, it's not the most embarrassing mistake
23:55to come out of Ireland.
23:56Author Seamus O'Reilly was just five years old
23:58when he and his ten siblings...
24:00Ten siblings?
24:01..sadly lost their mum.
24:03Oof.
24:04LAUGHTER
24:09Aww.
24:12That's...
24:13That's the reason why you should read the autobiography.
24:17Time now for the missing words round.
24:19And we start with...
24:20Marks and Spencer launched new product for men, dubbed what?
24:24Oh, it was underpants.
24:25Yeah.
24:26Marks and Spencer launched new product for men, dubbed
24:29the male equivalent of the push-up bra.
24:32Oh, what's it pushing up?
24:35Well...
24:38This is a new pair of support pants for men.
24:40They just push everything north?
24:43Towards Aberdeen.
24:46They're said to give gentlemen more confidence in the office.
24:49Would that make someone more confident to be entering the boardroom,
24:52knob first?
24:54Yeah.
24:55Totally.
24:56Could it?
24:57Yeah, yeah.
24:58If you're carrying a tray of drinks, you can open the door,
24:59it doesn't matter.
25:01We can't judge our level of confidence until we see the product.
25:04No.
25:05Ian's going to model it.
25:08And then that lady's going to write in about your lovely attire.
25:15It's Alfred Hitchcock, isn't it?
25:17I think it's a before and after.
25:21Before and after what?
25:24I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm bitterly disappointed.
25:31Which one would you prefer, Maisie?
25:33Catherine, my mum watches this show.
25:36Which one would she prefer?
25:43Next.
25:44Queen Elizabeth II's what to go up for auction this week?
25:47Favourite son.
25:52Queen Elizabeth II's wedding cake to go up for auction this week.
25:55Oh, blimey.
25:56Oh!
25:57A slice of wedding cake from Queen Elizabeth's wedding to Prince Philip
26:00is up for auction.
26:01The alcohol-laced fruitcake was apparently delighted that her
26:04daughter Elizabeth was getting married that day.
26:07Next.
26:08Tourists can now pay £8,000 to take part in a historical recreation of what?
26:13I know this.
26:14This is Lawrence of Arabia.
26:15Yes, Ian!
26:16Yeah, because I booked it for my birthday.
26:20You get to dress up, go on a camel, and free the Arab tribes from the yoke of the Ottoman Empire.
26:26Say what you like about the Ottoman Empire, they made no good sofas, they did make good sofas.
26:34Yes, Ian.
26:35Tourists can now pay £8,000 to take part in a historical recreation of Lawrence of Arabia's trek across the desert.
26:41The first group of Britons to take part travelled for eight hours a day.
26:45That was leg one of the journey from Norwich to Stansted on a replacement bus.
26:52Finally, French cyclist who got stuck in a ravine for three days tells rescuers what?
26:57Oh, c'est la vie.
27:02It's very blasé.
27:03I did it on purpose.
27:05I like ravines, ravines like me.
27:06It is who I am.
27:07Why do you bother me? I am happy here.
27:11You're on the right track.
27:12You're really testing our French.
27:13The only thing else we know how to say is that we have one brother and we like to go to the swimming pool at the weekend.
27:19French cyclist who got stuck in a ravine for three days tells rescuers he survived on red wine.
27:27The Frenchman might have been able to eat fish from the nearby river, but sadly he was unable to as he only had red wine.
27:32Oh, wow.
27:33The final scores are Ian and Lewis have five, Paul and Maisie have three.
27:37Three.
27:38Oh, wow.
27:40Oh, wow.
27:42On which note, we say thank you to our panelists Ian Hislop and Lewis Goodall, Paul Martin and Maisie Adam, and I leave you with news that in Italy, Roberto, the infamous hat thief of Rome, conducts his most daring lift yet.
27:59On the Downing Street lawn, frustration grows as gardeners fail to deal with a persistent weed.
28:12And news gets around that in an attempt to keep the money coming in, Sarah Ferguson is going to appear on a celebrity version of Naked Attraction.
28:19Oh, we're going to see the crown jewels.
28:26Good night.
28:29Good night.
28:30Your ticket to five defining gigs by a legend. The Bruce Springsteen story is on BBC Sounds. Listen now.
28:50And the story of another music titan, in my own words, Tom Jones. Press red to watch now on iPlayer.
28:58Next on BBC One, how are you? It's Alan Partridge. The series finale coming up.
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