The original cut
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TVTranscript
00:00Every time I drink Quick, it takes me to a place called Quickland, where you can float
00:25down chocolatey streams with the quick tub zippers, lie down in smooth, chocolatey mountain pools,
00:34and even sail underneath the Pass It Along bridge.
00:38Gee, thanks.
00:40Great story, Bunny. Want some more Quick?
00:42Uh, sure. Pass it along.
00:45Nestle Quick, it's a chocolatey dream come true.
00:55Hey, paisanos, it's the Super Mario Brothers Super Show.
01:03We're the Mario Brothers, and plumbing's our game.
01:05We're not like the others who get all the fame.
01:08If your sink is in trouble, you can call us on the double.
01:10We're faster than the others, you'll be hooked on the brothers.
01:13Uh!
01:16Hooked on the brothers.
01:22Yo, you're in for a treat, so hang on to your seat.
01:25Get ready for adventure and remarkable feats.
01:27You'll meet the Coopers and Troopers, the Princess and the others.
01:30Hanging with the plumbers, you'll be hooked on the brothers to the bridge.
01:33What's up with the brothers?
01:38I say the huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh.
01:51Those are the brothers.
01:52The brothers.
01:52The brothers, the brothers, the brothers, the brothers.
02:02Hey, I'd like to thank you.
02:04This song's just for you.
02:11Clon's caught in a trap with a snake in his yet
02:15because I forgot to use Drano.
02:22Hey, thank you, thank you, thank you, all.
02:27I mean, oh, here, this is for you, darling.
02:30You're beautiful.
02:31I mean, I love you all so much.
02:33I'd like to dedicate and sing this next song to my lovely Mamma Mia,
02:37except I forgot the words, so I guess I think I'll just have dinner.
02:45Since my papers left me, I found no sure to dwell.
02:50A septic tank in Brooklyn town.
02:53A plumber's hotel, you're really so lonely, baby.
02:57Huh?
02:58Come on, Mario.
02:59Yo, what do you think of my Elvis impression, eh?
03:01Besides for the fact that it stinks.
03:03Oh, thank you very much.
03:04It's an insult to the memory of the king.
03:07Insult to the memory of the king, eh?
03:08What are you doing with my velvet Elvis, eh?
03:10Oh, mine's being cleaned.
03:12But don't change the subject
03:14because I'm going to win the impersonators contest tonight at the plumber's hall.
03:18Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
03:20Nothing doing, Mario.
03:21I'm the best Elvis.
03:23Hey, if you lend me that guitar,
03:24I might let you be a backup singer.
03:26Forget about it, Mario.
03:28I'm the king.
03:31Oh.
03:32The Enquirer was right.
03:43It's him.
03:44Oh.
03:45The king.
03:50Elvis, what do you think?
03:52Well, I don't think Anamogos is going to go far.
03:55I mean, you look like Michael Jackson on a yeast diet.
03:57But don't be cruel.
03:59We're going to do it my way.
04:01Ha!
04:02Good to see you.
04:05Now, boys, what you need here is some tips from the king, okay?
04:08Hey, we're ready, Elvis.
04:10Hey, man, who blew your hair up?
04:11What?
04:13All right, now, now listen to me here.
04:15The first thing is the Elvis lip twitch, okay?
04:18Imagine you got the mouth here like this, you know,
04:20and the corner of the mouth just keeps going up there and moving like crazy, okay?
04:24Kind of like, uh-huh, uh-huh.
04:26Now, who wants to be the first thing?
04:27Me, me, me, me, me.
04:28All right, Matt Elvis, number one.
04:30Uh-huh.
04:31Okay, now, Luigi, it's kind of like, uh-huh, uh-huh, you know,
04:34kind of like wrapping your lips around some deep-fried catfish.
04:37Oh, oh, windows.
04:39I eat a catfish.
04:40All right, a deep-fried pizza, baby.
04:42Yo, now you're talking.
04:43Okay, here we go.
04:44Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
04:47I got it.
04:48Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
04:53Close enough, man.
04:55All right.
04:56Now, the next thing, and very important for the ladies, okay, gentlemen, up here now,
05:00you've got to have your feet moving in a pattern here like this
05:03in order to get the knees to go, which makes the hips move.
05:07Kind of like, huh, yeah, huh-huh, okay?
05:10Who wants to be the one to try?
05:11Me, me, me, me, me, me.
05:12Bad Elvis, number two.
05:13Me, me, I got it.
05:13Front and center.
05:14Okay.
05:14Front and center.
05:15All right, right over here now.
05:16You ready?
05:17Go, huh, huh, huh.
05:19Yeah, you got it.
05:20Now, try it, try it with the singing.
05:22Yeah, nothing on the ground.
05:24Oh, hell.
05:25Oh, get over there.
05:25All right.
05:26Yeah, nothing on the ground.
05:27Oh, get over there.
05:30Hey, you must be improving, man, because you're bringing the house down.
05:35Uh-huh.
05:35Yo, King, this has been like a dream come true.
05:39Uh-huh.
05:40But, Luigi, how can we go against each other?
05:43Oh, you're right, Mario.
05:44I've been thinking about that.
05:45It's kind of like the Civil War, brother against brother.
05:48It will break Mama's heart.
05:49You're right.
05:50You know, I had a mama myself.
05:52I called her the King's Mama.
05:55Uh-huh.
05:56Hey, I think I got a solution.
05:58Come on up here, boss.
05:59Let's see if you learn anything today.
06:01Okay, now.
06:02Watch me closely.
06:03All right, King.
06:03Hey, come on, love me slender, love me heavy.
06:07You know I love banana sandwiches.
06:09Uh-huh.
06:09Take it, boss.
06:10Love my plumber, love my wrench.
06:13Once I sat on the bench.
06:16Don't we copycat the King?
06:19We're Mario's to the end.
06:21Yo!
06:24Where'd he go?
06:25He's gone.
06:26Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the basement.
06:33Until next time, everybody.
06:37Doodoo!
06:37Doodoo!
06:41Plumber's log number 2237.
06:44We were in a land of damsels in distress and knights in shining armor.
06:48The legendary Kramalot.
06:50I sure hope Mervyn the Magician can help me free my people from the evil King Koopa.
06:56We don't even know if this guy's for real or not.
07:00Hey, that buzzer's for real.
07:03Must be a beehive nearby.
07:05And where there's bees, there's raviolis smothered in honey.
07:09Those aren't bees.
07:13They're bees-o bandits.
07:16Beezo's away.
07:19Whoa!
07:20Ah-ha!
07:21Oh!
07:23Oh!
07:24Ah!
07:28Take that, you bees-o bozos.
07:30Ah!
07:33Ah!
07:35Look out!
07:37They're coming back!
07:39Beezo's begun!
07:46Abracadabra!
07:48Buzz off!
07:51With magic like that, you must be Mervyn, the Magician.
07:55At your service, Princess.
07:57Wait till you see my neat old magic cave and my shtick with that crystal ball.
08:02It was King Koopa who sent the Beezo bandits after you.
08:06K-K-Kramus, Hermon, and Koopalot?
08:09Well, I mean, Koopa's here in Kramalot?
08:12I mean, sheesh, let's split this place.
08:15What's that crud, Koopa doing here?
08:18I'll show you.
08:20Just cross your fingers that my aerial is hooked up.
08:28When the old king died, Koopa moved into his castle and found himself king.
08:33Now I can spread my evil meanness all over Kramalot.
08:41That Koopa's a clog in the drainpipe of happiness.
08:47Is there anything we can do to help?
08:49Yep.
08:50I looked it up in the magician's handbook.
08:54One special person can bounce Koopa off his throne.
08:57But first, he must pass a test no man has ever passed before.
09:02Whoever is to free our land must first pull the golden plunger from the sacred sink of Kramalot.
09:09Cash, city!
09:10Hey, that plunger's made of solid gold.
09:13One thing about Kramalot, we're not chintzy.
09:17Whoever pulls out that plunger will be crowned our real king and become powerful enough to drive Koopa away.
09:24Murphy, old pal, your problems are solved.
09:26I've been unclogging sinks since I was knee-high to a tortellini.
09:32Stand back, gang.
09:33The sink hasn't been built that Mario can't unclog.
09:46Hey!
09:47Nice plumbing hero guy.
09:50Dust off the crown and call out the town.
09:52Kramalot has a new king.
09:55So, Mario thinks he's king of Kramalot.
09:59That impudent little faucet fixer.
10:02How dare he!
10:04There's only one king of Kramalot!
10:06And who is that?
10:08Ah, can you give me a hint?
10:10He's sitting right here on this throne!
10:13Hmm.
10:14Well, gee, maybe you better get off him.
10:19Oh?
10:20I'm talking about me, you know-nothing, nincompoop!
10:24Yes, you royal Koopaness.
10:25You're the most kingliest Koopa that ever cooped in Kramalot.
10:29It's time to teach that pasta-eating plumber and his friends not to crown the Koopa!
10:35Sound the Koopa Troopa attack!
10:40Yay!
10:41Yay!
10:43Isn't this exciting, Mario?
10:45Mario, we're gonna crown you king!
10:48Before you crown me, how about a celebration snack?
10:51I could really go for a mozzarella milkshake!
10:56Don't celebrate yet, you sewer scrubbing-loving losers!
11:01It's King Koopa and his army of Koopa Troopas!
11:05Oh, no!
11:13We're trapped!
11:14I'll save us!
11:19Hmm.
11:20I wouldn't do that if you valued a princess's beauty.
11:24Huh!
11:27Give me that plunger!
11:29Oh?
11:29When I get through with you, lasagna-loving losers, you'll wish you never came to Kramalot!
11:40Now we'll never get back to Brooklyn!
11:50Take it easy, Luigi!
11:52Things could be worse.
11:53We're trapped in a dungeon about to be executed!
11:56How could things be any worse?
11:59Well, for one thing, the ceiling could lower until it flattens us like a pizza!
12:09Very uncool, dudes!
12:11The ceiling is lowering!
12:14Oh, the room could fill with water until we all drown like rats!
12:18Huh?
12:19We've gotta get out of here!
12:21Hey, I can think of another way things could be worse!
12:23Mario, please!
12:26Go say another one!
12:30All right, I'll come back!
12:32Go!
12:34This time, it looks like we're done for!
12:37If only Mervin were here!
12:39Yeah, there's never a wizard around when you need one!
12:42Mervin, where have you been?
12:44Sorry, I had to buy new batteries for my magic style.
12:47You wouldn't believe those lines at the check-out counter.
12:50Never mind that!
12:52Just get us out of here before we turn into mushed macaroni!
13:05That was close!
13:07I didn't think we had a mushroom's chance in a frying pan!
13:10Where are we?
13:12This is the forest of perpetual night and terrible dangers!
13:21Whoa!
13:26Look!
13:27Over there!
13:30There's a hand coming out of the water, and it's holding a plumber snake!
13:34That's no ordinary plumber snake!
13:37That's Excalibur!
13:38The mightiest pool of good deeds in all the realm!
13:55Look!
13:56He's becoming Super Mario!
13:58Mario, Excalibur has made you the most powerful crusader in all of Gramalot!
14:04Congratulations, kiddo!
14:05You must now face Koopa and drive him from the land!
14:10Lead on, Mervin!
14:11With this magic plumber snake!
14:13I'll knock Koopa for a loop!
14:19Catch that!
14:20It's Gramalot Castle!
14:24How are we ever gonna get inside?
14:27Oh, hey!
14:33Whoa!
14:36Ooh!
14:37Luigi!
14:42You'll have to swim across the moat and let down the drawbridge!
14:45Me?
14:46But, but, but I can't!
14:48I'm, I'm gonna have a baby!
14:50Ooh!
14:57Uh, well, it was worth a try.
15:05Hooray!
15:11Watch out for Killitrona fish!
15:13This is the most glorious day of my Koopa career, and last I'm king, king of all Krabba-lots!
15:34You're not king.
15:38You're nothing but a crowned Kipen Koopa.
15:41Hmm?
15:42Cursed crocodiles.
15:44It's that pepperoni plumber.
15:46Hmm?
15:47And his plumber's helpers.
15:50That's right, Koopa.
15:51I'm gonna clean your pipes.
15:53Hmm?
15:54I'm dead!
15:58We'll see about that.
16:00Seize them!
16:02Hmm?
16:03Hmm?
16:04Hmm?
16:05Hmm?
16:06Hmm?
16:07Hmm?
16:08Hmm?
16:09Hmm?
16:10Hmm?
16:11Here come the Koopa Troopas!
16:12Let's turn them into Koopa Troopas!
16:14Oh, how I feel!
16:15Huh?
16:16Oh!
16:17Oh!
16:18Oh!
16:19Oh!
16:20Oh!
16:21Oh!
16:22Oh!
16:23Oh!
16:24Oh!
16:25Oh!
16:26Oh!
16:36It's no use, Koopa!
16:37When we promise to run into trouble, we gotta flush it out!
16:39When we promise to run into trouble, we gotta flush it out.
16:42Easier said than done, Macaroni Mouth.
16:49You can't escape that easily, you sinister slime bag.
16:58Whoa!
17:00What's mean and scaly and covered with meat sauce?
17:03I don't know.
17:04What?
17:05Cooper that's landed in deep spaghetti.
17:07Cut the corn and fight, faucet-face!
17:20Whoa!
17:24Cooper, you're the meanest, ugliest lizard that ever slimed its way across Cromelot.
17:30Flattery will get you nowhere.
17:34Oh!
17:35Trying to fly the coop.
17:36Eh, Cooper?
17:37I'm bad.
17:38I'm bad.
17:39Come on up.
17:40No, I'm bad.
17:42I'm bad.
17:43Huh?
17:44Thanks, Cooper.
17:45No, I'm bad.
17:46I'm bad.
17:47This dude has made me work up quite an appetite.
17:49Oh, shit.
17:50Oh, shit.
17:51Oh, shit.
17:52Oh, shit.
17:53Oh, shit.
17:54Oh, shit.
17:55Oh, shit.
17:56Oh, shit.
17:57Oh, shit.
17:58Oh, shit.
17:59Oh, shit.
18:00What are those grimy green good-for-nothings?
18:02Oh, shit.
18:03I'm bad.
18:04I'm bad.
18:05Oh, shit.
18:06Oh, shit.
18:07I'm bad.
18:08I'm bad.
18:09Oh, shit.
18:10Oh, shit.
18:11Oh, shit.
18:12Yeah!
18:13Drats.
18:14You pasta-brained plumbers have foiled my plans again.
18:18That's the way the meatball bounces.
18:19Then, as the old saying goes,
18:22he who coops and runs away
18:23lives to coop another day.
18:29He's escaping into a warp zone.
18:35Measurable minestrone to Koopa's got away again.
18:38Yes, but Kravilok's seen the last of him.
18:45Mario, thanks to you and your brave buddies,
18:47Koopa has been chased from Kravilok.
18:50There was nothing.
18:51Nothing? It was plum fantastic.
18:55And Kravilok's people want you to stay here and be the king.
18:58King? I always wanted to be king.
19:01I accept.
19:03I crown you Royal Mario.
19:12Hey, what's this thing?
19:14A new exercise machine.
19:16Whoever becomes king of Kravilok
19:18must be trim as a lion.
19:20And I'm a pastor for you.
19:22And second thought, Mervy, old pal.
19:25I don't think I'm cut out to be king.
19:27Here.
19:28Arribadachi.
19:29King Mervy.
19:30Now, let me see here.
19:40If I move my bishop four to queen six,
19:43no, no, no, because if I do that,
19:45then I won't be able to move this one here.
19:46But then again, if I move that one here,
19:48then I can move this one here.
19:49Yo, Edison!
19:50Oh, of course, if I move this one here.
19:52Yes.
19:52Is there not a blackout in the Bronx
19:54you should be taking care of?
19:55Well, I have a move here.
19:57I know, but we haven't got all day.
19:58Okay, here it is.
20:00That's it?
20:01That's my move.
20:02After all that planning, that's your move?
20:04That's it.
20:05I finally got you, Edison.
20:08That's it?
20:09That's it.
20:10That's your move?
20:10That's it.
20:13Checkmate.
20:13I just beat you there.
20:16Look at that.
20:16One of these days, I am going to get...
20:18I know, I see checkmate.
20:20I see.
20:20Look at that.
20:21Oh, sure.
20:22Just keep eating.
20:23I mean, after all, let nothing bother
20:25that beautiful girlish figure of yours.
20:27I'm coming.
20:29I'm coming.
20:33Oh, hi, Squirt.
20:34Who are you?
20:35A sad-eyed orphan.
20:37No parents, no brothers, no sisters.
20:40Just me and my shadow.
20:41Oh, what a sad story.
20:43Come in.
20:43Come in, sweetheart.
20:45Oh, please, come out of my house.
20:47Listen, Squirt, you don't happen to have a name, do you?
20:50Patty, the sad-eyed orphan.
20:53Oh, Mario.
20:55Mario, come here.
20:56We have a guest.
20:57This is my brother, Mario.
20:59Mario, this is Patty, the sad-eyed orphan.
21:01Nice to meet you, Patty, the sad-eyed orphan.
21:04Where are you from?
21:05Oh, I've been drifting for about six months,
21:08you know, living off the land.
21:11Life is tough when you don't have any parents
21:13to love and take care of you.
21:18Nobody even cares that today is my birthday.
21:25Oh, wait a minute.
21:26Wait a minute.
21:27Wipe away those tears, little one.
21:30I'll throw you the best birthday party you've ever seen.
21:33You mean it?
21:34With a birthday cake and party hats and noisemakers
21:36and a VCR and a high-dappenition color TV monitor?
21:38Hey, that's the hot, kid.
21:40I mean, we're just plumbers.
21:43All right, all right, all right.
21:44Patty, Patty.
21:45We'll see what we can do.
21:46Oh, I tell you, beautiful, I love the colors.
22:02It's so tasty.
22:03Hey, we gonna eat it.
22:05This ought to do it.
22:07Beautiful.
22:08Beautiful.
22:14Uncle Mario, could I possibly get some more popcorn?
22:16Sure, Patty, as soon as I blow up this balloon.
22:19I want it now!
22:23Or I'll start crying.
22:26Little Mario.
22:28She's kind of fresh for a side-eyed orphan, isn't she?
22:31Yeah, those are the beatiest little sad eyes I've ever seen.
22:34Mm-hmm.
22:37I got it, I got it.
22:38Patty, there you are.
22:45Your mother and I have been worried sick about you.
22:48We gave it the office.
22:57Mother and father, forget about it.
22:59Patty said she was an orphan.
23:01An orphan?
23:01Well, that's a new one.
23:03Last week she was telling people we were lost in space.
23:06Oh, are you having a party?
23:08It's so festive.
23:09Well, you know, it was supposed to be a birthday party, a surprise party for Patty.
23:13You know, the little side-eyed orphan who never had a birthday party before?
23:16Oh, that's terrible.
23:18Patty!
23:19Let's not waste any more of these kind plumbers' time, dear.
23:22Patty!
23:22Patty!
23:23Patty, you get here this instant!
23:24Young lady, when we get home, you are going to your room till the end of the century.
23:30Who are you?
23:31My pre-orphan parents told me never to talk to strangers.
23:34Oh, you know very well who we are.
23:36Now, how could you do such a cruel thing like this to Mario and Luigi?
23:39Now, apologize at once.
23:43Sorry, Luigi.
23:44Sorry, Mario.
23:46Ah, that's all right, Patty.
23:48Say, listen.
23:49We still got all the decorations up, right?
23:51Plenty of cake and ice cream.
23:53And some expensive presents in.
23:54Why don't we have a party and celebrate a happy family reunion, huh?
24:00Please, Dad.
24:01It's got to last me till the end of the century.
24:03Well, okay.
24:05All right, I love parties.
24:07We're happy endings.
24:08Let's party!
24:10No!
24:12Hey, party time!
24:15Oh, my God.
24:17Till the next time, everybody!
24:19Do the money!
24:24Do the Mario!
24:26Swing your arms from side to side.
24:29Come on, it's time to go!
24:31Do the Mario!
24:32Take one step.
24:33And then again, let's do the Mario!
24:36All together now!
24:37Come on, now, just like that!
25:01Take...
25:02Thanks!
25:15Take!
25:15Bye!
25:17Bye!
25:17Bye!
25:18Bye!
25:18Bye!
25:20Bye!
25:21Bye!
25:21Bye!
25:22Bye!
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