00:00I'm going on a blind date today and I'm going to reveal my big secret.
00:05People think it's such a taboo thing, it's very uncommon, but it's not.
00:10They treat me like I'm a Jezebel.
00:12I'm feeling super nervous, I'm just hoping that my day is open-minded.
00:17I am an advocate for people with herpes and I actually have it myself.
00:22My name is Kenzie, I'm a single woman dating with herpes.
00:26I joined the military when I was 18.
00:28The guy that gave me herpes, we had an on-and-off relationship and that went on for about four
00:33years toward the end of our relationship, I found out he gave me herpes.
00:39I was pretty devastated and I felt like my love life was over, like no one was ever going
00:45to accept me.
00:46Maybe I'm just going to be stuck with him for the rest of my life, that he's the only man
00:50that's ever going to accept me now.
00:51In the beginning it was a lot of anger, a lot of depression, and then it turned into just
00:55ignoring my feelings.
00:57Me cutting my hair was kind of trying to regain some of my power, my way of dealing
01:02with it without dealing with it mentally.
01:04Oh, somebody's jealous.
01:06Now, three years later, I have just spent the whole year healing, loving myself.
01:14I'm going on a blind date today and I'm going to reveal my big secret.
01:19I am very nervous.
01:20Yeah.
01:21The blind date?
01:22I've not done that before.
01:24I just really want people to see that I live normally like everyone else.
01:29Spread awareness, just to normalize dating with herpes.
01:33It's okay to get rejected.
01:34It's okay to not get rejected.
01:36That you still have options and that life can still be normal.
01:40How do you feel about disclosing on this date?
01:43That's not something I typically do.
01:46I usually do the first or second date, but just having to do it either way, no matter what
01:52his vibe is, is a little nerve-wracking for me.
01:57My dating experience here has just not been great.
02:01One individual I disclosed to him and he wasn't interested afterwards, but then he started
02:07telling all his friends.
02:09They treat me like I'm a Jezebel, like I'm out here just passing herpes around.
02:15Every time I go out, there's always just this air of like, I know about you.
02:22I'm feeling super nervous.
02:24I'm just hoping that my day is open-minded.
02:27I'm Mike.
02:28I'm 29 years old.
02:29Currently, I'm a full-time live streamer on TikTok.
02:32I ideally would like to really connect with somebody and, you know, maybe build something
02:36serious.
02:37Yeah, I'm a little scared, a little nervous, but it should be fun.
02:45Hi.
02:46Hi.
02:47I'm Mike.
02:48I'm Kenzie.
02:49Nice to meet you.
02:50Nice to meet you.
02:51How nervous are you?
02:52I'm very nervous.
02:53Yeah.
02:54Where are you from?
02:55I live here in Montana.
02:56I just did a quick couple hour drive to get here for the day.
02:59Thanks for coming out.
03:00I lived out here for 18 years and then I joined the military, so I just moved back in October.
03:05Oh, wow.
03:06Okay.
03:07Well, thank you for your service.
03:08Thanks for your tax dollars.
03:10What do you do for work?
03:12I am a hair stylist and then I also do some content creating.
03:17Oh, really?
03:18What kind?
03:19Yeah.
03:20Yeah.
03:21Just like background acting mostly.
03:22I have a plan for like a business venture where I could help people with trauma.
03:26I would love to help support people that may feel like alone.
03:30That is exactly what I'm doing right now on TikTok.
03:34So I am an advocate for people with herpes and I actually have it myself.
03:40Okay.
03:41So that's my big secret.
03:42Okay.
03:43I use my platform to pretty much educate people.
03:45Oh, good for you.
03:46Which is pretty awesome.
03:47Thank you so much.
03:48TikTok is really what saved me.
03:50The reason that you are having such a hard time dating with herpes is because you think
03:55that herpes makes you a step beneath the person that you're dating.
03:58There's this one creator and she was just saying how like you don't have to stay with
04:01the person that gave it to you and that dating can still be totally normal.
04:05And after three years of having it, I decided I wanted to participate.
04:10I think it's important to advocate for that type of stuff.
04:13Yeah.
04:14I think there's a lot of stigma around it.
04:16There is.
04:17I think people obviously, you know, they never intend to get it usually.
04:19Yeah.
04:20No, I didn't.
04:21Yeah.
04:22And most people would probably would assume that it's, um, it's not like your fault.
04:24I was in a place in my life where my self-esteem was really low and it was hard.
04:29Like the first year I was living in Georgia at the time.
04:32My retention rate was really low out there when I was dating versus here.
04:36It's been very high.
04:37Like,
04:38Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
04:39Yeah.
04:40And it's okay.
04:41People misunderstand how common it is.
04:43I think that it's valid for anybody to feel discomfort or fear around contracting it.
04:50Billions of people in the world have a form of herpes.
04:53A lot of women who think that they can't have children, but you can still have children.
04:57Most importantly, if you're someone who's sexually active, you should be getting tested
05:01before and after every single partner.
05:03You should at least give it a month so that it has time to process in your body.
05:07Well, I think it's amazing the stuff that you do on TikTok.
05:10Thank you. Yeah.
05:11I think I saw they're even working on like a vaccine potentially.
05:14They don't have a cure for it, but they can bring the transmission rate down.
05:18I'm actually on meds as well.
05:20And mine bring my risk of transmission down to 0.2%.
05:23Oh, wow.
05:24And then if you use like protection and stuff, I haven't given it to anybody I've been with.
05:27Okay.
05:28In the three years that I've had it.
05:29So that's nice.
05:30Wow.
05:31That's incredible too.
05:32Yeah.
05:33Yeah.
05:34Being responsible.
05:35My first symptom was a small bump on my lady parts.
05:41It didn't really seem like a razor bump.
05:43So I went to the doctor and decided to get it swabbed.
05:47I usually just get small, like single bumps, usually like around my bum.
05:52I'll just take the bed and then just make sure I keep everything dry and clean.
05:56I'm not here to ever shame anybody for not being interested.
05:59But to also remember that just because you sleep with someone that has something doesn't mean that you're going to get it.
06:04If they want to have a relationship with me before anything sexual happens, I require them to get tested before.
06:10And I also get tested.
06:12You're safer sleeping with someone that knows their sexual health than you are sleeping with a random person.
06:17I hope you're like a little less nervous.
06:18I am.
06:19At this point.
06:20Okay, good.
06:21A first aid is not usually the best.
06:22I agree with that.
06:23I guess to know if you know somebody very well.
06:25At least we could say we did it, you know.
06:27I'm having a great time.
06:28Me too.
06:29It went really good.
06:30We both had a lot in common.
06:31It seemed like.
06:32I was very nervous at first.
06:33I could tell he was nervous.
06:35But all of that kind of just went away.
06:37I didn't expect him to be that receptive.
06:40I was very impressed.
06:41He lives kind of far and I'm not big on long distance.
06:44Right now I am just keeping my options open.
06:47So maybe.
06:50I have to do that.
06:52Hey, guys.
06:53It's Kenzie.
06:54Hey guys, it's Kenzie. We need to have a talk about self-pity. People ask all sorts of questions.
07:01Some are very personal, like what do my outbreaks look like? What medications do I take? Some people
07:06ask how I disclose. This girl said, and you'd be surprised how people who care about you will
07:11accept you. You don't have to stay with someone just because you have herpes. I've never had
07:15someone walk away after disclosing. You just have to find your tribe. That's a nice comment.
07:21Do your research. Pay attention to your body. I have a lot of people who say that they just don't
07:25date anymore. They've given up, that they're never going to find love. If they could just get out of
07:30that headspace, then they would be fine. Learn your triggers. For some people, shaving is a trigger.
07:36For some people, chocolate is a trigger. I was shocked. I thought it was going to be a comment
07:41section full of just disgust, and it was the complete opposite. It was like tons of women
07:47sharing their stories. Thank you for speaking out. Thank you for sharing. This makes me feel less alone.
07:56Now that I'm in a healthier state of mind, I think I have better potential of finding a long-term
08:01partner. I am very proud of myself, yes. I realize now that after coming out and sharing with people
08:08that I don't care as much anymore. If people are sitting there judging me, it speaks volumes on
08:13where they're at with their self-esteem, because I don't really care what anybody has going on but
08:17myself. Do some research, and it will really open your eyes.
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