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Acting Good Season 4 Episode 2

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Fun
Transcript
00:00It's payback time.
00:30If you haven't heard, my nephew cousin Leon's BCR expired.
00:52After some life-related election fraud, minor bumblebee pin theft, and some trivial rummaging,
00:58he's back and better than ever.
01:00I know you feel some kind of way about cousin Leon, but I'm all about giving people second,
01:05third, fourth, and even six chances.
01:09He's family.
01:10You keep it the fuck down.
01:13While cousin Leon rests up, here's Ollie and the overstayers with their least played song.
01:20It's getting late, and your couch looks great.
01:27Oh man, it's been so hot.
01:29Do you think it's gonna be a cold winter or what?
01:33Hm.
01:38Hey, what kind of stuff do you like?
01:40Have you ever tried lawn darts?
01:42I heard pickleball is fun.
01:44That's big in the white community.
01:49Stephen Harper, when does your baby start doing cool shit, man?
01:54Takes time, Paul.
01:55But I wanna hang out with him.
01:57Like, I want a bro, and I want a baby.
01:59I want a baby, bro.
02:00Bro?
02:01Bro?
02:02If you want PJ to be a baby, bro, then you need to be more connected.
02:06And how am I supposed to do that?
02:08Well, according to Dr. Tenderfeather, babies need to be exposed to new experiences in order
02:13to help stimulate brain development.
02:14But I thought that's what Paw Patrol and the iPad were for.
02:17Get him outside, into nature's iPad.
02:20That is a stupid idea.
02:22Screw you, Stephen Harper.
02:24We should let the baby decide.
02:26PJ, where do you wanna go?
02:30Mama.
02:31Well, there you have it!
02:33We're taking him to his mom!
02:35You're late.
02:37Blame the tides.
02:39I'd rather blame the Kree.
02:42Are you serious?
02:44I told you when we broke up, the Kree-Ojo-Boi rivalry doesn't exist anymore.
02:48Hm.
02:49Because your side's losing.
02:51Lighten up, matey.
02:53I'll lighten up when I'm finished counting this inventory.
02:56Are you saying I plundered your booty?
02:59You could plundered somebody else's booty, Gale.
03:02We're broken up.
03:03Heave too.
03:04I'm a barge captain, Dean.
03:06And we live by the barge captain code.
03:08We never touch the cargo.
03:10It's who me is, and it is me who.
03:12What are you, Dr. Zeus just making shit up now?
03:15Just sign here.
03:17Fine.
03:18Smell you later, landlubber.
03:23See that?
03:24You mean your flashlights?
03:25Flashlights?
03:26Flashlights?
03:27Is that what you think those are?
03:28Those are my tactical illumination devices.
03:29Right.
03:30Sorry.
03:31I'm talking about the paper.
03:32That's a BCR form.
03:33And I took the liberty of writing the name cousin on it.
03:34But mess up one more time, and all I have to do is write the name Leon beside it.
03:39see that you mean your flashlights flashlights is that what you think those are those are my
03:51tactical illumination devices right sorry i'm talking about the paper that's a bcr form and
03:57i took the liberty of writing the name cousin on it but mess up one more time and all i have to do
04:03is write the name leon beside it and you're out of here the only reason i came back is to set
04:07things straight what do you mean by that what do you mean what do i mean sounds like a threat a threat
04:11i just mean grouse lake is gonna get what it deserves now there you go again there i go what
04:16what you just said and how you said it how about this when i'm done nobody is gonna see this place
04:24the same way again holy crap man what i'm just talking we're done talking all right now is the
04:29time for watching i'll be keeping my eye on you okay well you haven't seen the last of me there
04:36you go again what
04:37not now i'm in a meeting i tried to stop him but he overpowered me but your baby asked for you
04:49personally mama is the only word he knows you can't just barge in my office and pass him off to me
04:55every time he says it but what am i supposed to do he always asks for you and when i'm with him
05:01he just sits there and stares at me like some sort of baby dads connect with their kids too
05:09you're the one with the doodos i mean i've got doodos but these ones are dry
05:14you don't need doodoo you just need to spend time with him
05:17no that doesn't sound right sad chad what do you think
05:21my house just flooded so i think everything sucks
05:24yeah it doesn't always gotta be about you just take him to the park now fine i'll go come on
05:32sorry sad chad uh where were we i just lost my shoe
05:38one missing box three damn it i knew it she put on my booty
05:49hey dean quick question better be man we're at war with the creed
05:53where do you keep your fertilizer oh it's down the aisle by the accordions and
05:57weighted dice thanks i'm doing something big for the community
06:03and no one is gonna see it coming what do you mean by that
06:09oh you'll find out cool man
06:14fertilizer it's up to something
06:26dad's connecting with their kids as if show me one dad that's connecting with
06:33their kid there's two right there
06:35fucking lucky and they don't even have doodos
06:39that's some strange voodoo doodoo right there man
06:43that's not doodoo voodoo that's pure uncut connection
06:47the good stuff you'll get there
06:50keep papa need me some of that
06:54where's the cereal box gail well i don't know dean did you check all the way up your ass
07:01yeah i did actually you did look here one two missing box three
07:10wait a second three rhymes creed you think i took one cereal box well it didn't grow legs and fuck off
07:19on its own so you're saying i broke the barge captain code you better apologize no way man
07:25we are jibway we never back down and i'm calling an embargo oh yeah what is that like creeper i like
07:32stealing no you scally way i'm done delivering to your store until ye spill an apology embargo eh
07:38what are you embargo to hell i thought i was already there
07:42oh what
07:44so your old ladies make you bring your kids here too
07:51what our partners don't tell us what to do
07:56what
07:57we do this out of the sheer love of our kids
08:00jasper can i have a healthy snack
08:02of course sweetie you let your kids call you by your first name
08:08dad is a title
08:10jasper is who i am
08:12it removes the power imbalance
08:14are you saying you haven't removed the power imbalance
08:18what i mean i remove power imbalances all the time
08:22yeah pj doesn't call him anything he only knows mama
08:25so what's your parenting philosophy
08:27you do have one right
08:29oh that's easy i do all the work so paul can play video games
08:32i can speak for myself
08:33stephen harper does all the work so i can play video games
08:37just kidding
08:38just kidding
08:40so you're a couple
08:43sort of
08:43no we're not a couple
08:45stephen harper is my partner's ex and my baby's a sperm donor
08:49so he's the real dad
08:50no
08:50he's just some weirdo that just follows me around
08:55in fact get away from me you weirdo
08:56now if we're talking parenting philosophies
08:59i only listen to tenderfeather
09:01you might have heard of him
09:03you read dr tenderfeather
09:05why didn't you just say so
09:09does it even need to be said
09:11she's a cheat code for parenting
09:13if you play video games
09:14which i don't because i'm so busy watching my kid
09:16well
09:17we have daddy and me get togethers every week
09:21you should come on by
09:23you hear that stephen harper
09:24they're called daddy and me
09:25not weirdo and me
09:27look at you
09:39you look so much like those cool dads
09:41yep
09:41i look real cool
09:43so
09:44when are we going back to the park
09:46what
09:47you're staying right here
09:49i'm going to the park
09:50cool dads only
09:52you know what
09:54stay close
09:57but not too close
09:58just in case pj shits himself
10:00boy
10:05heard your business is tanking
10:09yeah man
10:10i'm beginning to think i'm taking this crew jibber
10:12ravelry too seriously
10:14what really
10:15i'm thinking you're not taking it seriously enough
10:18man i'm running out of shit to sell
10:19ah yes i know
10:21sometimes
10:22you gotta lose a battle to win a war
10:26you stop fighting
10:27they're gonna take more than this store
10:28they're gonna take
10:30the entire
10:31ojibway nation
10:33you gotta dig in deep
10:36you gotta stand your ground
10:38we're counting on you
10:40there he is
10:48now that's a dad
10:50is that tech
10:52is that tech
10:52fleece
10:53yeah
10:54i pretty much wear this
10:55every single day
10:57except for yesterday
10:58when i met you for the first time
10:59yeah i need full range of motion
11:02when i'm bending over
11:03wiping jeats
11:04picking up toys
11:05gotta stay loose
11:07for all those connections i make with my baby
11:10that's a beautiful approach to parenting
11:13is that tenderfeather
11:14why good ear jasper
11:17oh
11:17which uh tenderfeather book is that from
11:22you
11:23don't know which tenderfeather book that is
11:26um i just
11:27sorry about my friend he's hungry
11:30it must be snack time
11:32time for kale chips
11:34there you go
11:37yeah
11:38you too pj
11:40it's your favorite
11:41little baddies cheesy balls
11:43but not too much
11:44right delos
11:45is this some kind of joke
11:49because we're not laughing
11:51no
11:51what
11:52who did this
11:53it was probably that weirdo
11:55stephen harper
11:56do you think
11:57he must be close
11:59tenderfeather says to remove
12:01people like that
12:02from your sacred circle of trust
12:04yeah
12:05and i would have
12:06but i'm so busy
12:07making connections
12:08there he is right now
12:12you got the stuff
12:22yeah
12:23we got the stuff
12:24barrels
12:25pipes
12:26gasoline
12:27nice work boys
12:29you got our stuff
12:30barrels
12:40pipes
12:41gasoline
12:43plus fertilizer
12:44i knew it
12:46something big is going down
12:47so
12:49what's this all for anyway
12:51oh you'll find out
12:54what do you mean by that
12:56it means you'll find out
12:58holy heck boy
13:00what do you think it means
13:00but why did he have to say it like that
13:02everybody needs to lighten up
13:05how did you know i was here
13:09i followed you here
13:10because i'm a weirdo
13:13stay out of my sacred circle bro
13:15yes
13:16i will do that
13:18do you still need me nearby
13:20i'm still sensing he's not fully out of your sacred circle
13:24i'm sensing that too carson
13:26if you really mean it
13:28throw the cheese balls at him
13:31i think he gets the point
13:32throw the cheese balls
13:34oh my god
13:49but why
13:53nice work dad
13:55tender feather would be proud
13:58shelves looking a little sparse here bucko
14:09where's all the loot
14:11i don't know what you're talking about
14:12oh really
14:13can i get some flour
14:14we're out
14:15sugar
14:16you know what
14:17we're out
14:18just say sorry lad
14:19i got all the food i need
14:23glass
14:24you think you can take the ojibwe down single handedly
14:28ha too bad
14:29the land
14:30that's all i need
14:31ha
14:32picked these berries myself
14:34took me all morning
14:35there's enough in there for one pancake
14:37well
14:41i be claiming it all
14:42what is it
14:47some kind of ransom note
14:49that's exactly what it is
14:51made a few of those in my day
14:52looks like an invitation
14:55see
14:56come out for a big surprise later today
14:59it's gonna blow you all away
15:01wow
15:02sounds like a banger
15:03i don't like this one bit
15:06shut up lips
15:07take a day off from narking will ya
15:09yes
15:14yes
15:16very good
15:17they're not gonna know what hit them
15:21mud pies eh
15:29yeah yeah man
15:30pregnant women love them
15:31don't you think you're taking this
15:33cree ojibwe rivalry
15:36a little too seriously
15:37huh
15:38that's a trick question right
15:39you act like the entire ojibwe nation
15:42is on the line
15:43but you said you hated the cree
15:45what
15:45my third and my fifth wife were cree
15:48i got cree kids
15:50why would i say that
15:51but you did say that
15:53i don't know what goes on in that head of yours
15:55so what are you saying i should apologize to gail
15:57yes
15:57you know
15:59i stopped worrying about the cree
16:01when the white people showed up
16:04it's the zoo you gotta worry about
16:07you should have seen his weirdo face when you hit him with the cheese ball he looked like he was gonna cry
16:17yeah that was a pretty sweet ball on ball violence
16:21might want to change his diaper
16:26nah he's good
16:27he'll just cry it off man
16:29it's actually how they gain their independence
16:31come on i thought you guys were big tender feather fans
16:34we are
16:35but you better change him
16:37oh my god you change him
16:39i'm just kidding
16:41or am i
16:43no i'm just kidding
16:46whoo kids
16:48you see kids
16:50are dressed like cars
16:52cars have tires
16:54kids have diapers
16:56it's pretty much the same thing right guys
16:58hey you guys remember when i was funnier earlier
17:02he doesn't know what he's doing
17:04yes i do
17:06he doesn't know
17:06it's like he's never spent any time with his son
17:11kids
17:13get over here and laugh at this big dad
17:15this guy's such a bad dad he needs a second dad to help
17:25is that your manny
17:27listen paul
17:30these guys might be up on the latest fads
17:32but they're just a bunch of mean dads
17:34who are just gonna raise a bunch of mean kids
17:36you don't want that for pj
17:37stay out of this manny
17:39this manny's gotta take care of two babies
17:42the big one and the little one
17:43i'm sorry cheese ball
17:46but these cheese balls
17:48mess
17:48with the wrong cheese ball
17:51you wouldn't dare
17:53run stephen hopper
18:05grab pj
18:06get him
18:08dean
18:16i'm just gonna say it
18:19i'm sorry
18:20i did stiffy on one box of oeos
18:25i must have fell off in the barge
18:27no gal
18:30i'm sorry
18:31i broke the barge captain cold
18:33losing your loot
18:35if you'll excuse me i'm gonna go walk the plank
18:38if there's anyone walking planks it's this guy
18:42i'm the only one keeping the krio jubilee rivalry alive
18:45but the cold
18:47forget the cold gal
18:48and forget the rivalry
18:50aye aye captain
18:52hey you hungry
18:58wanna split a mud pie
19:00i made it myself
19:01sure but
19:02i can't stay too long
19:03damn krio got another one
19:11thanks everyone for being here
19:14i just want you to know that
19:16i've been plotting this
19:18for a long time
19:19i smell gasoline
19:20and now that i've got you all here in one place
19:23you're finally gonna get what's coming
19:26blindfolds off
19:28why are you screaming like that
19:35that's what i do when i see something so beautiful
19:38i know i've messed up over the decades
19:44but think of this community garden
19:48as a symbol
19:49for how i want to make things good
19:52everyone get down
19:53there's a bomb
19:55holy what are you doing man
20:01it's here somewhere
20:02where is it
20:04lips man
20:05give it a rest
20:06where's the bomb
20:08the only one bombing here is you
20:10guy was looking for boom
20:15and all he got was
20:16bloom
20:18bab you should have seen it
20:26they were kicking our asses real good
20:29but i didn't even cry once
20:31right steven arper
20:31that's right
20:32they'd still be kicking our asses now
20:34but i pretended to be dead
20:36yeah
20:36they thought they killed steven arper
20:38and they ran away scared
20:41you could put that under your pillow
20:51you hear that pj
20:52oh pj
20:53who's a good boy
20:56oh the little boy
20:58oh pj
21:00uh that's not pj
21:03he's a goodie pie
21:13that's a lamp
21:15i don't know if this is the concussion speaking
21:19but i would take a thousand kicks to the head
21:22if it mean doing the right thing
21:24for my baby
21:26steven arper
21:27and my family
21:29okay let's get you to the nursing station
21:31i will fight
21:33forever
21:35you know
21:39i will fight
21:41forever
21:43i will fight
21:48forever
21:50forever
21:58you know
22:00that's right
22:02you know
22:02who is
22:03i will fight
22:03forever
22:04because now
22:06it's not gonna be
22:07he will fight
22:07forever
22:08ever
22:09you know
22:18and
22:19can you
22:19and
22:20you
22:21know
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