- 3 months ago
- #realitytvdeep
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#RealityTVDeep
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Hey, Rose.
00:02Yeah?
00:03I have this friend.
00:05Gonna stop you right there.
00:07Because you're doing that thing where you say it's your friend's question when really it's yours.
00:11I am not.
00:13Okay.
00:14What is this question your totally real friend wants to ask?
00:18Well, my real friend wants to know what age is a good age for a baby to get tattooed.
00:25What?
00:26What did you do?
00:28Nothing.
00:29I told you.
00:30It was my friend.
00:32You're lucky, Paul.
00:34Don't you ever, ever ask me again about baby tattoos.
00:37So, I should tell my friend he should wait until his baby is 18 then.
00:42Get out.
00:48Rose said it's not a good idea to get your baby tatted up until he's at least 18 years old.
00:55I wish you would have told me that sooner.
00:57Jesus fucking Christ!
01:01Maybe put some ice on that!
01:03Yes, I can love you baby all night long.
01:09This is Laughing Stick in the Morning.
01:15Band Counselor Rose is putting together a team of volunteers to represent Grouse Lake at the annual Indigenous Firefighter Games.
01:23Mmm.
01:24I saw a few of them earlier.
01:26And we're gonna need a team of firefighters to put out these firefighters, cause they're smoking.
01:32Mmm.
01:33While I cool off, here's Carrie and the Crotch Crickets with the March of the Hornballs.
01:40Congratulations.
01:42You are all here because you were hand selected by me.
01:46You are the strongest, bravest, fiercest, most physically gifted specimens that Grouse Lake has to offer.
01:55Oh!
01:56Rose, I'm so sorry I'm late.
01:58I tried to catch a ride from you this morning, but you drove off so fast!
02:01What are you doing here?
02:03What'd you mean?
02:04Hmm.
02:05I'm on the team.
02:06Speaking of, I didn't know about this little early morning meeting.
02:10Can we talk over, over here?
02:12Yeah, yeah.
02:13We probably don't want to announce that I'm team captain in front of these guys.
02:18Okay.
02:19How do I say this?
02:20Just tell them that they're all good firefighters, but your bed is the best.
02:24Hmm.
02:25You know what?
02:26I should tell them.
02:27Shows good leadership.
02:28No.
02:29No.
02:30All right, everybody.
02:31Let's huddle in.
02:33Or you guys can just stand there.
02:35Basically, what Rose is afraid to tell you because of nepotism is that I'm team captain.
02:41I thought I was team captain.
02:43Babe, what are we gonna do if he has to fight a fire?
02:46He's gonna tell it to lose weight or his knees will buckle.
02:49This can't be your guy.
02:53Four seconds left.
02:54No timeouts.
02:55Cut the flu.
02:56Oh.
02:57Game over.
02:58No way.
02:59You totally fouled me.
03:00As if.
03:01Okay, my turn.
03:04If I make this shot, we live happily ever after.
03:08Oh, yeah?
03:09Well, what if you miss?
03:11We live happily ever after.
03:13I like those odds.
03:19We should clean this up.
03:20Why?
03:21I don't know where they are for later.
03:22Oh, crap.
03:23What time is it?
03:24Time for more cheese ball ball?
03:26I was supposed to go live.
03:28Stupid cheese ball ball.
03:35Oh, um, babe?
03:36You're in the shot.
03:37Well, where am I supposed to go?
03:39Just to the left.
03:40Here?
03:41Hey, whisper heads.
03:42Sorry, I'm a little late today.
03:44I got caught up playing cheese ball ball.
03:46Sorry, babe.
03:47Uh, chat says that you're still in the shot.
03:52Chat says much better.
03:53Oh, fuck off.
04:05Good morning, lips.
04:06Or sing as you speak, pig.
04:07Oh, no, Auntie.
04:08I'm here to see Chief Didi.
04:09Oh, tough luck making bits.
04:10She's in a meeting.
04:11Well, when you see her, give her these.
04:12Oh, no, Auntie.
04:13I'm here to see Chief Didi.
04:14Oh, tough luck making bits.
04:15She's in a meeting.
04:16Well, when you see her, give her these.
04:18What the fuck's all this, then?
04:19I ruined Leon's community garden.
04:21And I didn't know what to do.
04:22Oh, no, Auntie.
04:23I'm here to see Chief Didi.
04:25Oh, tough luck making bits.
04:26She's in a meeting.
04:27Well, when you see her, give her these.
04:41What the fuck's all this, then?
04:44I ruined Leon's community garden.
04:47And I need to be reprimanded.
04:48You stomped on a few plants and phoned in a false bomb threat.
04:52That's like work.
04:53I crossed the line, Hilda.
04:55I know prison guards more crooked than you.
04:59Whoa.
05:00That's loaded with fresh copper tops.
05:05I'm suspending myself indefinitely.
05:08Holy.
05:09Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:14What's up?
05:16Babe.
05:17Are you okay?
05:18Yeah.
05:19I'm just doing my vocal warm-ups.
05:20Oh, man.
05:21You know, you're pretty loud for someone who whispers for a living.
05:24Thanks.
05:25So, do these yellings happen like all the time, or does that like cover it for the year?
05:30Like a couple times a day, depending.
05:32Depending on what?
05:33If you're trying to break glass?
05:35Well, I can do it somewhere else if it's a problem.
05:38But, uh, speaking of problems, could you, uh, clean up your mess?
05:43Mess?
05:44That's my floor drug.
05:46That's where I keep everything.
05:48Look, look.
05:49Where's that cheese ball from earlier?
05:54Right where I left it.
05:58Hmm.
05:59There's a redhead.
06:03Literal ick.
06:09So, the key to any good fire department is a good firefighter calendar.
06:13And here to take the photo is Roger, who claims to be a professional photographer all of a sudden.
06:20All proceeds go towards travel expenses for your trip to Winnipeg.
06:24Okay.
06:25Everyone, take your shirts off, and then I'll get started oiling you up.
06:31Oof.
06:33Uh, Roger?
06:34Huh?
06:35Professionalism?
06:36Oh, right.
06:38Everybody, take their shirts off.
06:40Except Paul.
06:41Actually, maybe, uh, layer up.
06:43You're kind of killing the vibe.
06:45Everybody keep their shirts on.
06:48I can't believe I just said that.
06:51Okay.
06:52Gather around.
06:56Paul?
06:57Could you step a little to the right?
07:02How about here?
07:03Yeah.
07:04Maybe just a little more.
07:08Little more?
07:11Little more.
07:17Say cheese.
07:18Hey, look.
07:19A piggy in a blanket.
07:33Jeez, lips.
07:34It stinks like solitary confinement in here.
07:37Here.
07:39It's a recipe I got from Stoney.
07:41Careful.
07:42There's a hacksaw blade in there.
07:44Bad boys don't deserve fresh bread.
07:47Oh, come on, lips.
07:49It's no fun with you moping around.
07:52Arrest me, would you?
07:53I just broke into your house.
08:00Without the law.
08:02Who am I?
08:03Why?
08:04We're like Batman and the Joker.
08:09Fine, then.
08:15Man, we keep getting third-partied by these sweaty scrubs.
08:19Just do quick play.
08:20No roll cue.
08:22Hey, guys.
08:24Could you save the game and do another ses tomorrow?
08:27After all, it is, like, 9 PM.
08:29Didn't know we were in an elders' lodge.
08:31Holy year old lady's just a real old lady.
08:38Uh, uh.
08:40Hey, hey, guys.
08:41Let's pack this up.
08:51Thanks for defending me.
08:52I was gonna say something, but then they just took off.
08:58You know what?
08:59I'm gonna track them down at one of their houses and give them peace of my mind.
09:05And, um, it might take a while, so don't wait up.
09:11I'm just, I'm just so mad right now.
09:16Babe!
09:17Shush!
09:19I just got PJ to sleep.
09:21What was with all that backing out of the picture stuff?
09:24I'm starting to think that you don't want me on the team anymore.
09:28No, that's not true.
09:31I can handle it.
09:33Being a father has put everything into perspective.
09:36I'm way more mature now.
09:37Okay, then.
09:40You're not on the firefighting team.
09:42What the fuck?!
09:44PJ, wake up!
09:45You gotta hear what your mom just said to me!
09:47Just got him to sleep.
09:48Well, you should've thought of that before you broke both our hearts.
09:51I can't just pick my own boyfriend.
09:54It looks bad.
09:56Oh, you hear that, PJ?
09:57I'm off the team because it looks bad.
10:04Nice going.
10:05Now I got two crying babies.
10:06Don't.
10:19Where you going, new fish?
10:21I'm here to see Counselor Rose.
10:24Rose, you got a visitor.
10:26Conjugal visit, hey?
10:29Babe, is that you?
10:32Who is this babe you speak of?
10:34I am a concerned citizen and I'm here to make an official complaint to Chief and Counsel.
10:41Is this about the firefighting team?
10:43Because that wasn't personal.
10:44Oh, yeah?
10:45Yeah, you're just terribly out of shape.
10:48That sounds personal.
10:49Okay, then.
10:50You're amazingly out of shape.
10:52That sounds very personal.
10:55Look, Paul, I really, really want to win.
10:57And these guys are our best shot.
10:59We'll see about that.
11:00Because I'm going to go and find my own team.
11:02And then later today, we'll face off.
11:05And then the winner's team gets to go to the most wonderful place in the world.
11:10Winnipeg.
11:11All right.
11:12Bring it on.
11:13Oh.
11:14It's on.
11:16Oh, babe, don't forget.
11:17Later today for lunch, Stephen Harper made the most amazing stew.
11:22Hey, hey, hey.
11:23Concerned citizens get handshakes.
11:25Mmm.
11:27Ah!
11:28Psych!
11:34Hey.
11:35So I was going to go to Yemen's later.
11:37They're doing 20% off used hams.
11:39You want one?
11:43You want to watch a movie later?
11:45Crave has this documentary on the rise and fall of canned ham.
11:49Nothing?
11:50Those are some pretty good ham jokes.
11:59Are you giving me the silent treatment?
12:07Right, fine then.
12:08Two can play the silent game.
12:11Right.
12:12It's on.
12:13No, no, no, no.
12:16Welcome to the warm-up event for the Indigenous Firefighter Games.
12:22And if you're like me, you got here incredibly early to watch.
12:26In a surprise twist, Paul put together a team of his own,
12:30and the demonstration is actually a competition.
12:34You're playing with fire, Paul.
12:35Yeah, that's the plan.
12:38Oh, I'm also going to need to ride home later, baby.
12:40Yeah, of course.
12:41Thanks, babe.
12:42Let the games begin.
13:12Chickadee, you there?
13:26Chickadee, it's Cuckoo, let me in.
13:29I want to give you $100 in something called a PS5 Pro.
13:36All you need to do is give me a sign that you're in there.
13:40Anything?
13:43One little knock and it's all yours.
13:47Okay then.
13:56Yeah!
14:03Come here!
14:05There you go.
14:11Whoo!
14:33Oh!
14:34Oh, my right foot!
14:37Oh, my lucky foot! My lucky right foot!
14:46Nobody move! I'm going to steal all your valuables.
14:50Help yourself.
14:51Unless somebody can arrest me.
14:55If I think of anyone, I'll let you know.
14:58For fuck's sake, Lips, this is a break and enter!
15:02That's nice.
15:03Okay, then.
15:07What about this?
15:12Does that fire you up?
15:14No, not really.
15:16Okay, what about loitering?
15:17Will you arrest me for hanging out?
15:22Loitering?
15:23That's an offense punishable by...
15:26Stop it, Auntie.
15:27Oh, looks like I found a pulse.
15:30Oops!
15:38I did a littering!
15:41That's it.
15:42That's a violation of the Environment Act Section 2.7.
15:46But I thought you weren't a cop.
15:48I'm not.
15:50But I'm making a citizen's arrest.
15:52Come with me.
15:52You got me, copper.
15:56Just don't send me back to Stony Mountain.
15:58Yes!
16:16Ah!
16:16I win.
16:17Look!
16:18In your face, sucker.
16:20Real mature, Chickadee.
16:21You're just cheese because I outquieted the quietest person ever.
16:24Why don't you just grease yourself up and slither out the window like you always do?
16:28That was only, like, three times.
16:30Go eat cheese balls off the floor.
16:32Well, I don't really like ASMR.
16:34You so do.
16:35I am just so relaxed right now.
16:41Jarred, jarred, bannock and lard.
16:43I know you are, but what am I?
16:45Takes one to know one.
16:46So, so, suck my toe all the way to standing buffalo.
16:49Oh, shit.
16:51What did you just say to me?
16:54I'm sorry.
16:55I didn't really mean that one.
16:57Yes, you did.
17:05This is it.
17:07The final event.
17:09So far, Rose's team has been beautiful.
17:14Absolutely gorgeous.
17:16Just pummeling the ugly team.
17:17Yeah.
17:19Each team has to carry a bucket without losing any water and use it to hit the target.
17:25The winner shoots the target down first.
17:28The loser, Paul's team.
17:31Let's get this over with.
17:35And the hearts beat the nuts!
17:48Yeah!
17:48Woo!
17:49Woo!
17:49Woo!
17:50Woo!
17:50Woo!
17:51Woo!
17:51Woo!
17:52Woo!
17:52Woo!
17:53Woo!
17:53Woo!
17:54Woo!
17:54Woo!
17:55Woo!
17:55Woo!
17:56Woo!
17:56Woo!
17:57Woo!
17:57Woo!
17:58Woo!
17:59Woo!
18:00Hey there, babe.
18:02Or is it concerned Citizen Paul?
18:04It's your babe.
18:05It's your babe.
18:06Sorry we beat you guys so badly.
18:08It's fine.
18:09It's just that I can't have my babe fighting fires, it's dangerous, and you're a dad now.
18:14Yeah, I guess it would be pretty hard to be a cool, kick-ass dad and fight fires at
18:19the same time.
18:20And there's no shame in losing to Grouse Lake's finest.
18:23Fire!
18:24Fire!
18:25Fire!
18:26A ridiculously small fire.
18:30Fire team!
18:31Fire team!
18:32You know what to do!
18:33Give yourself I'll save me!
18:36Come back here, you cowards!
18:39Stand back, babe!
18:40It's fucking Hero time.
18:43Losers!
18:44Assemble!
18:48You got this.
18:53Babe...
18:54It's too dangerous.
18:55If I don't make it out alive, tell PJ I love him.
19:00Just go already. The wieners are going to burn.
19:07Fire, you're fucking out.
19:09You're my hero.
19:12Does this mean I get to come to Winnipeg now?
19:14Hell no. We're still going to send the hotties.
19:17The important thing is that I love you.
19:20Uh, counselors get handshakes.
19:25Do you think we can salvage any hot dogs?
19:33There you are.
19:37Look, I'm really sorry I told you to suck my toe all the way to Standing Buffalo.
19:42It's fine.
19:44No, it wasn't. It was way too far.
19:48Standing Buffalo is like miles away.
19:51I'm sorry for that whole thing I said about bannock and lard.
19:56I don't know where that came from.
19:58I deserved it.
20:00Is it true that you don't like ASMR?
20:04I like it.
20:06I don't love it.
20:08Are we breaking up?
20:11I thought this was just a fight.
20:14Seriously?
20:16Me too.
20:18I guess it was bound to happen.
20:20You're a bittern and I'm a buttern.
20:23Yeah.
20:24I guess it would be weird if we didn't fight.
20:27It's in our blood.
20:29Oh.
20:30Our first fight.
20:32To many more.
20:36Yo.
20:38Fucking doing this or what?
20:40Get the fuck out of here.
20:42Yep.
20:43Yep.
20:43Well, look who's back.
20:57Thanks, Auntie.
20:58I know we have our differences,
21:00but it means a lot to me to know that you care.
21:02Hey, keep it down.
21:03You crazy?
21:05I can't be seen talking to the fuzz.
21:07Can I at least get my tactical illumination devices back?
21:10No can do, lips.
21:11Looks like you actually are suspended now.
21:14What do you mean?
21:15Well, you said you suspended yourself,
21:17but as far as Chief Didi is concerned,
21:19you skipped work and didn't tell anyone.
21:22Really?
21:23You gotta have rules, lips.
21:25No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
21:55No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
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